# my friend needs help



## bpkantor (Jul 27, 2011)

I have a friend who is struggling with self-hatred which has produced jealousy and feeling like he is not valued by God. First off pray for him. And I don't mean this to sound arrogant, but simply because it is such a hard issue I would like to hear from someone who has counseled someone in this situation (or has gone through it themselves) how best to be his friend and help him in this time. I just want him to be able to see and know the joy of trusting totally in Jesus. He is a believer, but he has had some really difficult things happen to him in life (which have lasting consequences that even make obedience to God in the smallest things exponentially harder).

I really appreciate prayer and help for this. If you want to respond here or PM either is fine. My friend really needs help right now, and I really care about him.

Thank you,
--Ben


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## InSlaveryToChrist (Jul 27, 2011)

In situations like these, even though the advice to "trust totally in Jesus" is good, it often happens that the person in doubt of his salvation does not understand what is meant. Your friend may still be basing his assurance of salvation on his _repentance_ (our deepest repentances are like crocodile tears before a holy God!) or _faith_* in Christ, instead of trusting in Christ. Tell him to stop setting _conditions_ before himself and to let Christ fulfill them all.

Praying for your friend.

*John Ball (Puritan):
"To doubt God’s mercy because our faith is feeble, is rather to rely upon our faith than upon the Lord. It is not the excellency and great measure of faith that makes us righteous before God, but Christ whom faith does receive and apprehend: which a weak faith can do as well as the strongest.”


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## bpkantor (Jul 28, 2011)

How much do you think it might be embracing the world's way of looking at things rather than God's and understanding that he is seen as wearing Christ's righteousness? What is the best thing that I can do, as a friend, to encourage God's working in Him to see that?


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## PuritanCovenanter (Jul 28, 2011)

Look to the Wounds of Christ. If Christ could love Adam who plunged his whole race into death anyone is lovable. If Christ could love a man who shared in glory we haven't experienced and threw it away along with all of his children's inheritance Christ can love any of us. 

Actually this person probably needs to speak with Elder or someone that can pull up along side him and disciple him. I am 48 years old and I have been walking with Jesus for 30 years and I still need it and do it. Someone is making sure I spend quality time with the Lord and not just getting theological. There is great benefit when you can have have your back and make sure you aren't just looking into the law of Liberty but that you are being a doer of it also. 

Time in the word is really important. 

Scripture memory is also very beneficial. This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. 

(Joh 5:24) Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.


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## "William The Baptist" (Jul 29, 2011)

I will be in prayer for your friend. I think *prayer* and _simply being there_ for your friend is what can be most effective. I know it sounds overly simplistic, but I can attest to the power of prayer in and around my life. I had a sister who had cancer nearly 6 years ago. After countless prayers I saw God move in ways people could not explain. She did end up passing away, but God in His love and grace did a powerful work within her (I can only imagine the discussions we would have about reformed theology today!) so I know I will see her again when I am ushered into the Lord's presence. I was thrown into deep grief and through much wrestling through my own prayer and God's grace on my life, He moved me from that place. I know the prayers of others for me in that time were monumental; as well as those who were not afraid to simply be there _with_ me in my hardest tribulation in life thus far. The not shying away meant the most. I know it is a different situation, but in struggles, the Lord used prayer and people to comfort me in the midst of His moving.

It is unfathomable that we are given the privilege to pray and let our deepest groanings of the soul, both groans of joy and groans of anguish when do not understand, be laid bare before the Lord-and yet in this the Lord is still Sovereign. We pray and He hears our supplications!-and His providential will is accomplished. May this not be a source of laziness, but of profound gratitude. I cannot comprehend such incomprehensible notions... that the glorious God of heaven would incline His ear to hear the faint prayers of my heart! Truly, His lovingkindness extends further than I will ever know.


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