# Twixters?



## tdowns (Jan 20, 2005)

A new study is out, basically saying a new stage in life has emerged since the 70's and flourishing today, they say it's permanent, and I think they are calling it The twixter phase of life. Basically (if anyone has time I'm sure the article is on the net) it is the phase after college when many people float about enjoying their freedom till about 30 before marrying, having kids, and getting their career started. 

I post this because, once I became a Christian, I realized I needed a relationship with a woman, and it needed to be inside of marriage. I quickly found my wife and got married. I was 26 at the time. 

This post is to discuss three aspects:

1. the dynamics of knowing marital relations should be confined to marriage..

2. knowing through science that marital relations are healthy inside the confines of marriage (studies show men who abstain have higher risk of prostate cancer, etc)

3. our culture has pushed back marrying age from biblical (13-20) to 25-35.



What I find interesting is, our culture has pushed back marriage so far, that it becomes really difficult for a young person to imagine "waiting" for marriage before they experience the "joys" of marriage.

I have a sixteen year old daughter who talks of waiting till 26-28 to get married, I tell her, if you have a Christian boy friend, don't wait, through counsel, get your life started together, so you can enjoy the fruits of youth.

This seems to me the only good advice to our youth, unless they are called to abstinence. God made marriage, and all the joys it physically entails, to begin much earlier than our culture demands. The human body kicks in to procreation stage easily by 14-16 (which is the age they married in biblical times) yet the normal person marries at 26-30. Well of course the God given desires of our bodies are going to be frustrated if there put in check for 10-15 years.

Maybe this should be in Men's, but, if we can keep it clean, I think it's edifying for women and youth to discuss this as well.

TDRevolver

[Edited on 20-1-2005 by tdowns007]


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## Puritan Sailor (Jan 20, 2005)

Well, there may be some truth to this. In my own experience, I wanted to get married alot younger, but God didn't bring the right woman until later. I got married when I was 24. And looking back I wasn't ready for marriage when I was younger anyway. Perhaps if we raised our children in such a fashion to be ready for that step in life, then such a shift in marriage age would be possible. You also have to take into account that the added responsibilities of marriage can slow down your progress to further education or training in a desired feild, especially if you have children. Not saying that is necessarily a bad thing if thats what you want to do, and for some they must follow Pauls instruction because they "burn." But you need to take all things into consideration.


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## tdowns (Jan 20, 2005)

*Burn?*

Posted twice sorry.

[Edited on 20-1-2005 by tdowns007]


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## tdowns (Jan 20, 2005)

*Burn?*

Most guys I've met are in the "burn" category between 14-110:bigsmile:

I think your point about raising up our kids for that commitment is key. I think it might be something the church as a whole looks into. I just don't see us designed to be outside of marriage into late twenties unless that is a specific calling. Our culture with its emphasis on do your own thing makes it seem tougher to accomplish those goals. But my parents were married before the end of their college years, and had me a year later and my dad still went on to get his doctorate. It's the attitude of finding a partner to live the full of life with that needs to change. I really believe this is also a problem in the roles of marriage. Making women hang out and wait till they are 28 or 30 before marrying them, and then getting mad because they have their own individualized goals and dreams...the longer we live single the harder it is to adjust to giving our lives to our partner.

I think that's why so many women today strive for leadership or pastoral roles in the church, they are designed to be "pastors" and caretakers and leaders...of their kids...no family and their God given desires and skills are going to be used elsewhere.

Any Pastors out there deal with this in their churches?


There are many ramifications to late marriage in regards to how Christians should live in my opinion.

td


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## Charismatic Calvinist (Jan 20, 2005)

> _Originally posted by tdowns007_
> I really believe this is also a problem in the roles of marriage. Making women hang out and wait till they are 28 or 30 before marrying them, and then getting mad because they have their own individualized goals and dreams...the longer we live single the harder it is to adjust to giving our lives to our partner.



Excellent point.



> _Originally posted by tdowns007_
> I think that's why so many women today strive for leadership or pastoral roles in the church, they are designed to be "pastors" and caretakers and leaders...of their kids...no family and their God given desires and skills are going to be used elsewhere.



Perhaps the strong feminist sentiment of our culture today that is imposed on women from the time they are young girls usurps (or at least attempts to displace) their God-given gifts and callings? 

Or is this just a  I'm toying with? What do you think, ladies?


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## pastorway (Jan 20, 2005)

I was a very young 23 when I got married. Why make it an age thing? It should be a "God's timing" thing. Walk with Him, devote your life to Him, and wait for Him to unfold the rest of your life.

I waited for my wife. She waited for me. And God's timing was perfect!

I will say this, as a pastor (from the experience of friends and from personal experience) I counsel a SHORT engagement. Once everyone knows you are going to get married then what are you waiting for? Get married already!

Phillip


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## gwine (Jan 20, 2005)

> _Originally posted by pastorway_
> 
> I will say this, as a pastor (from the experience of friends and from personal experience) I counsel a SHORT engagement. Once everyone knows you are going to get married then what are you waiting for? Get married already!
> 
> Phillip



I was 26 and my wife was almost 22 and we met on April 1st and were married July 1st. Of course, I was an unbeliever at the time and she was an Arminian, but God (and there's that but God again) is good and merciful and compassionate.

Our 26th is coming up this July.


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## RamistThomist (Jan 20, 2005)

Most of my ministerial friends are getting married at this age and I do not see how they can do it--maturity-wise of financially. Very few of them are over 22 and not making all that much money. I agree with PastorWay, though. God's timing is more important than age, although the timing is usually better as people get older. I also agree about the short engagement. I am going to tread on dangerous ground here. I do not plan to get married for a few years. If we have been together 5 or 6 years, I do not see the point to a very long engagement.


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## ReformedWretch (Jan 20, 2005)

My wife and I married at 19. Exactly one year after graduating High School.


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## tdowns (Jan 21, 2005)

*short engagement*

I go for the 4 three's when talking to my friends. Date 3 months, if doubts already end it, if no doubts date another 3, if both feeling good at that point, take a 3 week break, if after that your solid, set the engagement for 3 months later if possible.

I agree a hundred percent with God's timing, I just think like everything else the culture is moving back the normal date for marriage, when as christians we should encourage our kids to be open to marrying earlier. 

Sounds like that's happening in many Christian circles which is good.

TD


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## Charismatic Calvinist (Jan 21, 2005)

> _Originally posted by tdowns007_
> I agree a hundred percent with God's timing, I just think like everything else the culture is moving back the normal date for marriage, when as christians we should encourage our kids to be open to marrying earlier.





In April my wife and I will have been married for two years. There is NO WAY I would ever want to get back into the dating "thing" ever again. The whole concept is really tough and I pray for single Christians all the time...especially if you are trying to work out issues of your past with the Lord. I say "GRACE! GRACE!" to my single brothers and sisters and PRAY!

P.S. - I love being married! I never thought I could though. I come from about 10 divorces in my family (out to first cousins) and a lineage of adultery. That curse stops here though, AMEN! Thank you Father, for Redemption in Your Son.


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