# Biblical Apologizing (the "I'm Sorry" type)



## ChristopherPaul (Mar 1, 2007)

Somewhere in time the acceptable manner of apologizing for offenses made against a brother turned into a mere “magic word” of “sorry” which is understood to right all wrongs.

Should such really be acceptable to the sanctified man who lives by every word of God and aims to do all to the glory of God?

The world teaches man to say a specific word; what does a Biblical apology look like? Does it involve confession? Repentance? 

I can’t recall an instance in the scriptures where man apologizes by simply saying the Hebrew or Greek form of the English word, “Sorry” (  )


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## Semper Fidelis (Mar 1, 2007)

I agree Chris. I believe a more proper mode of expressing repentance is to say: "I was wrong, please forgive me." We should never say: "I didn't really mean it." We did mean it, that's what makes it so wicked.

We actually train our children, after discipline, to say: "I was wrong for {disobeying, fussing, hitting, ...} please forgive me."

I also believe we should train ourselves to say "I forgive you" instead of saying "That's OK" when someone repents to us.


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## ChristopherPaul (Mar 1, 2007)

SemperFideles said:


> I agree Chris. I believe a more proper mode of expressing repentance is to say: "I was wrong, please forgive me." We should never say: "I didn't really mean it." We did mean it, that's what makes it so wicked.
> 
> We actually train our children, after discipline, to say: "I was wrong for {disobeying, fussing, hitting, ...} please forgive me."
> 
> I also believe we should train ourselves to say "I forgive you" instead of saying "That's OK" when someone repents to us.



Regretfully we have taught our children the common, "I am sorry;" however, we have never allowed anyone to respond with "That's OK" but with "I forgive you." Even when my children's friends are around and someone needs to apologize, I will gently rebuke anyone for responding with “That’s OK” because it is not and never is OK to wrong anyone. That always did seem obscure to me why such a response became acceptable. It wasn’t until recently that I began questioning the initial apology (thus this thread).


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Mar 1, 2007)

Another twist on the unBiblical model of apology is the common phrase: "I'm sorry IF I offended you..." or "I'm sorry IF you were offended..." It puts the onus on the person receiving the _conditional_ "apology" to determine whether the "I'm sorry" was warranted rather than the apologizer taking full responsibility for the events leading to the apology and sometimes even constitutes an accusation ("I'm sorry if YOU took offense...") rather than an apology as if it is really the other person who has the problem.


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## ChristopherPaul (Mar 13, 2007)

Considering the contributions to this discussion, can there be any room in our God-centered vocabulary for a "sorry" apology?

There are instances where the offender was not really wrong, so an "I was wrong for ______, will you forgive me?" apology does not quite apply. For instance, a child accidentally backs up into her 18 month old sister not knowing she was behind her. The infant/toddler falls and is upset. The older child was not really wrong - it was an accident. Can "sorry" be used in these situations?


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## Herald (Mar 13, 2007)

Chris - I suppose if you're gathered with friends and you accidentally bump into someone on the way to the kitchen that "sorry" would be acceptable. I see "sorry" said in a good-natured way for something that really isn't an offense. But for true offenses, I concur with Rich's first post.


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## ChristopherPaul (Mar 13, 2007)

BaptistInCrisis said:


> Chris - I suppose if you're gathered with friends and you accidentally bump into someone on the way to the kitchen that "sorry" would be acceptable. I see "sorry" said in a good-natured way for something that really isn't an offense. But for true offenses, I concur with Rich's first post.



That was my line of thinking. Sorry in this sense basically means, "woops, I made a mistake." Or "Pardon me."


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Mar 13, 2007)

ChristopherPaul said:


> That was my line of thinking. Sorry in this sense basically means, "woops, I made a mistake." Or "Pardon me."



Yes, I too would agree with Bill -- "I'm sorry" for something accidental is entirely reasonable. "I'm sorry" for [X] (violation of the moral law of God), depending on the context, is likely to be deficient, in my opinion.


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## ChristopherPaul (Mar 13, 2007)

SemperFideles said:


> We actually train our children, after discipline, to say: "I was wrong for {disobeying, fussing, hitting, ...} please forgive me."



Regarding the underline part, it may be even more appropriate to respond with, "Will you forgive me?" In some cases the offendee certainly has plans to forgive, but at that very moment they may not be so ready.


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