# PB Members: Pimp My Vestments



## BobVigneault

I saw this picture of the president meeting with some church leaders in Jerusalem.






It got me go to thinking: The folks on the PB are no less spiritual than these guys with their flat heads, ZZ Top beards and maximum bling-bling. We just need the right vestments to enhance, embellish and exculpate (sorry, I worked a bit too hard for that alliteration and may have strained something) our sense of spirituality.

Does anyone have any ideas for some vestments we could start wearing to let people know how special we are. Here is my vision for PB vestmental validity:


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## Southern Presbyterian

BobVigneault said:


>



That's just scary....


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## LadyCalvinist




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## BobVigneault

Maybe it's a little scary but to me it says, 

"Drop one of the five points at your own peril!".


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## Coram Deo




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## Southern Presbyterian

I suppose I could support the wearing of said vestments, but only if that thing on the top of the helmet spins.


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## BobVigneault

Good ideas Josh. I'm a little concerned about all the pointy things sticking out given that we are such a huggy, touchy, feely bunch. I especially like the usher garb. If we let them take up the offering I bet we can triple our regular giving.


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## Josiah

Does anyone have any ideas for some vestments we could start wearing to let people know how special we are. Here is my vision for PB vestmental validity:




[/QUOTE]

 I think he is missing his Lightsaber.


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## Blue Tick




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## DMcFadden

BobVigneault said:


> Maybe it's a little scary but to me it says,
> 
> "Drop one of the five points at your own peril!".



    

What? No limited atonement? I'll limit you!






I always prefer a more "spiritual" look in attire. The angel of the Lord clothing ensemble has the virtue of providing a fully customizable lance/spear. For only $25 they were willing to upgrade me to "cattle prod" functionality, allowing a 50,000 volt "wake up call" to sleepers in the congregation. I get a full ten thunderbolts per 2 hr. charge.


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## BobVigneault

Josh, you need to think these things through. You can't just throw some idea out there and not consider the consequences. Take a look at these two images and tell me honestly - do you really want to see senior pastors wearing the gladiator vestment?????


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## Mushroom

The tree-topper kinda looks like a tulip... that would work! This one gets my vote. I'll propose it to my pastor this Sunday.


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## Reformed Covenanter




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## DMcFadden

Yech! Gag! Ugggh! 

Joshua, have you ever considered going into the emetic business?


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## Davidius

Yes, "exculpate" means to remove charge or blame.


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## DMcFadden

Quit shoving Osteen at me then!


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## DMcFadden

> What do you mean? Did you see those big guns of his? I didn't shove him at you....he manhandled his way through!



OK, Joshua, you win. Now we know what author you would like to own "the complete works of" . . . Joel Osteen. I'll make you a deal. You buy me a full set of John Owens and I'll reciprocate with your new favorite theologian. You know, the guy with the "big guns" and the 47,000 people.


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## Blue Tick

joshua said:


>




This is a Mad House!


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## DMcFadden

Hey! Cut that out! Really! Pleeeeeeease, take Osteen off my title line. Come-on, Super Mod, no fair. This is a drive by shooting. Ouch!

OK, OK, I will back off ever implying that your selection of a face for your ecclesiastical vestments might indicate a preference for that person.


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## Poimen

Us Canadian pastors will dress up like this dude:


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## DMcFadden

joshua said:


> What are you talkin' about? Are you seeing things?



Thanks, Joshua, for changing things back. You be the man.


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## Poimen

In case you don't know who he is, here's a hint: he is the highest authority of our sacred pastime.


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## DMcFadden

Poimen said:


> Us Canadian pastors will dress up like this dude:



Hey, I'm sure some of our 100 year olds at the "home" have house dresses made out of the same fabric! I wondered where they got it.


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## Poimen

Well we are behind about 50 years from the styles you wear so go figure. I only have internet because I sneak across the border and surf the web at an internet cafe. 

? Ron Paul you say? Did he defeat Eisenhower?


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## Herald

The following vestment would adorn the Baptist brethren. As you can see it is fully enclosed and will allow the Baptist brethren to be constantly immersed. There is a separate life support system attached.


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## BobVigneault

That's the perfect suit for Baptist's brother Bill cuz you can dance inside that thing and no one would ever know it.

Pastor Dan, I am lovin' the flowered ensemble. My dad (Canadian) used to love to wear bright red pants with a plaid sport coat and a yellow shirt. (He had massive biceps so he could get away with wearing any color shirt he wanted to.) He had an enormous circular bed with a half dome over it that housed a tv and stereo system and the entire thing was covered with orange plush fake fur. I'm as serious as a heart attack. (No he wasn't a pimp, he was a proud canadian.)

My wife thought he was eccentric until I brought her up to Quebec City and she got to see the same clothes on every one as well as the bright colored roof tops. Je Me Souviens!


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## Poimen

Bob:

So your father was a French-Canadian?


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## DMcFadden

BaptistInCrisis said:


> The following vestment would adorn the Baptist brethren. As you can see it is fully enclosed and will allow the Baptist brethren to be constantly immersed. There is a separate life support system attached.




Baptist, maybe, Pentecostal, no! There would be no way to get slain in the spirit in that get up.


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## ReformedWretch

No, absolutely not, because I just know you all would stick me in that warden outfit!


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## a mere housewife

This is hysterical. I can't remember when I've read anything so silly.

I adore the little candle holder looking thing on the top of the first guys helmet. The only improvement on that garb is if there really were a candle in there, and it were lit. Besides think of the spirituality of having everyone kneel while they are lit by the ushers. The ushers could snuff them out at the end of the service. It would be so mystical.

The cattle prod capability on the lance is great. Every Sunday School teacher should have one of those. (By the way if the clergy get to wear those candle holder helmets and the sort of spittoon clerical collar, I'm going to insist on the priesthood of all believers.)


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## caddy

This is the funniest thread I've seen in a while!


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## timmopussycat

Poimen said:


> Us Canadian pastors will dress up like this dude:



The last NHL game I bothered to watch had him behind a bench, not in a booth!


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## Dr Mike Kear

BobVigneault said:


>



Needs more cowbell.


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## caddy

Poimen said:


> Us Canadian pastors will dress up like this dude:


 
Man...I'll be this guy can really do some _exegeting _in that blazer!

Wonder where I can find one of those...and the larger question is: Do you think a guy could get some matching underwear?


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## BobVigneault

Yes, I'm a 10th generation North American. My ancestor was one of the first acadians before the British stole their land and country away from them. For a while my family picked cotton with slaves in Georgia but eventually made it back to the Miquelon Islands. The Acadians that stayed down south took an 'x' to the end of their name - these are the Cajuns. Those who settled in Quebec added an 'lt' to their names. 



Poimen said:


> Bob:
> 
> So your father was a French-Canadian?


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## Stephen

Blue Tick said:


> joshua said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This is a Mad House!
Click to expand...


Somehow this image does not fit Joel Olsteen. He reminds me more of a poster boy on a fashion magazine.


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## Stephen

Poimen said:


> Us Canadian pastors will dress up like this dude:



Is this the Rev. Kok of Grace Reformed Church in Alberta? Nice vestment.


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## DMcFadden

I sent an e-mail to the head of the college of cardinals this morning regarding the various vestment possibilities being suggested in this thread (along with the photos). After extensive dialogue, he agreed, albeit reluctantly, to pass it on to Pope Benedict XVI. When asked what Benedict's response was to viewing the pictures, particularly Joshua's hyper-masculinized Joel Osteen with the big sword, the head of the college of cardinals forwarded to me the following. Judge for yourself. BTW, if you hear news of the pope having a stroke today, you know why. It was either the Joel Osteen gladiator or the 90 yr old lady housedress fabric, I'm sure.






Oh, the Pope said something about a wild boar being loose in the Lord's vineyard, whatever that means.


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## Stephen




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## Southern Presbyterian

Stephen said:


>


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## BobVigneault

Cut it out Dennis. The Pope is MY friend. Joe and I came up with this whole idea. He was over the other night and he was playing the piano and I was strumming my guitar and we were singing "Leaning On the Everlasting Arms" (the harmony was awesome), and I got the idea, "We need vestments like your posse wears.






I picked out the suit with the Tulip on top and he ran giggling down the hall and came back dressed in black drinking a Franzi. We couldn't stop laughing (I'm sure it was the beer). Anyway, I beat him in a game of Jenga and then he had to go back to the 'Vaticombs' as he calls it when he's drinking.


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## Mushroom

Dude, I saw that guy at the Italian Village restaurant just last weekend! He was waiting tables. Is Joe possibly moonlighting for mad money?


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## a mere housewife

Bob that was very edifying. I keep coming back to it. 

It's just so great to see evangelicals and catholics playing Jenga together.

Could you ask him about the candles? They could sit in that bowl inside the tulip. I'd really like that. It would be like an illustration in a book I had when I was a little girl (I had a sort of troubled literary childhood).


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## timmopussycat

BobVigneault said:


> That's the perfect suit for Baptist's brother Bill cuz you can dance inside that thing and no one would ever know it.
> 
> Pastor Dan, I am lovin' the flowered ensemble. My dad (Canadian) used to love to wear bright red pants with a plaid sport coat and a yellow shirt. (He had massive biceps so he could get away with wearing any color shirt he wanted to.) He had an enormous circular bed with a half dome over it that housed a tv and stereo system and the entire thing was covered with orange plush fake fur. I'm as serious as a heart attack. (No he wasn't a pimp, he was a proud canadian.)
> 
> My wife thought he was eccentric until I brought her up to Quebec City and she got to see the same clothes on every one as well as the bright colored roof tops. Je Me Souviens!



Moi, je suis Canadian aussi, mais pas comme ca!!!


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## kvanlaan

Bob, in the OP, it looks like you're wearing earrings. Are those the pearl drop model or just generic dangly ones?


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## Robert Truelove

Vestments R US - Because we don't want to draw attention to the man!

Advertiser's Description: "These discrete vestments will make your parishioners as well as those outside the church squirm under your authority. 

Not only does our vestments just scream authority, they are practical as well. For instance, we have affixed a large cup on the top of the head for use in administering the communion wine. The only way your parishioners shall partake of the wine is if they abase themselves low enough at your feet so that you have to bow to see them, thus spilling a little wine (make sure they have their cups ready and properly placed before abasing themselves before you!). 

For a limited time only, we are slashing the price on this fine vestment by 20%. Now you can own one for only $8000.00. At that price, shouldn't you get two so you have one for a rainy day?

*Customers who purchaed this product also purchased:
*Umbrella Vestment Replacement - Replaces communion cup in vestment with an umbrella attachment.
Communion Wafer Replacement Kit - Replaces the metal circles with communion wafers. With this addition, communion is as easy as 1-2-3!"




BobVigneault said:


>


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## Stephen

DMcFadden said:


> While you are "pimping" your vestments, maybe it would be worthwhile to consider how some of our luminaries would appear in real vestments. After all, he already knows Latin and uses it constantly . . .
> 
> Mod's Note (joshua): Edited for time being. 2nd Commandment issue. See here.


 
R.C looks great in papal vestments.


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## DMcFadden

After looking at the outlandish suggestions by some of you, I began to wonder how certain Reformed luminaries would look in more "conventional" garb. Here is my suggestion. After all, he already knows Latin and uses it constantly, is comfortable traveling in Europe, and is known for speaking _ex cathedra_.






BTW - it was very late when I found the R.C. pic and honestly did not notice that it had a crucifix rather than a cross in it. When Josh drew it to my attention, I was crimson with embarrassment. My bad. Thanks for vigilant moderators.


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