# Advice needed: Evangelizing a close friend



## Theoretical (May 8, 2006)

For starters, hello to everyone on the board.

Through observation and personal prayer, I believe the Lord has put me into the position of helping bring a friend of mine at college to our great faith.

Here's a bit of a background on Elizabeth (name changed) and then I'll relay how I came to become friends with this young woman.

She is a Navy/Contractor kid who grew up in Britain, and her family is pretty religiously apathetic. For her high school, she went to the high school at a small town near the university, and apparently many of her closest friends there were evangelical churchgoers who invited her to attend their congregations. She has said she misses attending church, but her beliefs are basically those of a universalistic moral theist. For her part, she's fairly religiously apathetic, but notably does not have any of the typical hostility towards Christians or Christianity I've observed in most of the non-believers I know. She is a very practical-thinking person who tends to prefer meat-and-potatoes substantive matters without delving into little details.

My friendship with her started last summer when I was taking a summer course and she was a summer freshman research fellow working in a lab. We got to know each other fairly well over that time, and she also ended up being one of my students in a freshman seminar I TA. She is a very good friend of mine, and I've become something of an older brother to her.

I know she deeply respects me for (a) being one of the few guys she knows who actually treats her like a lady rather than as "one of the guys" or as an inferior being (she's rather tomboyish, but still feminine), (b) being willing to be available 24/7 to help in whatever way I can (something I offer only to good friends for obvious reasons), and (c) helping her through many of the storms of first-year college life. 

As a disclaimer and qualification to a lot of the things I will say below as well as my evangelistic approach, I will say that I have been romantically attracted to her for some time; however, I refuse to be unequally yoked in a romance, so I have suppressed those desires and I believe she's entirely unaware of interest on my part. With that said, I want her to have a Godly husband, but who that is or whether I might be that person is utterly, utterly secondary to my desre for her to be a believer. I mention this because I am worried I might mishandle things and put out a message I don't wish to send. 

There are several things that I believe I can do to help share the faith with her. First is to introduce her to my friend Madeline, who is a lovely Christian (French, Reformed Anglican) and who would make a profound impression on Elizabeth by simple virtue of the fact that Madeline's life and heart are absoiutely golden and inspiring to all who meet her. I think fostering this friendship, which both young ladies would likely enjoy has a lot of growth potential for everyone involved. Second would be to invite her to attend my church and for Elizabeth ideally to start becoming a regular attendee, and the circumstances should be good for her to at least attend the service. Third, I believe that ideally Madeline and I would get together at some point and hammer out an approach as to having a major conversation with Elizabeth that would probably be over at my apartment (a single) with just the three of us having dinner and then a good conversation afterwards. This conversation would be ideally the time where we most directly and overtly present both our testimonies and the truth of the Word to her.

Anyway, having explained the matter well enough, I would greatly appreciate any advice and counsel on how I should proceed evangelistically. So far in college and in life, I have a 100% failure rate on bringing people to the Lord , although I have been able to lead a broad evangelical into a Reformed understanding of the faith. My old church hardly taught me anything worthwhile evangelistically, and the shallow evangelicalism in which I used to be involved still throws off my priorities to this day.

Sorry for the incredible length of the post, but as I've been impressed by the insight of members of this board, I would greatly appreciate counsel, and would be happy to clarify anything more if that is necessary.


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## Contra_Mundum (May 8, 2006)

Don't bang your head. You've been successful when you've been faithful, not when you've "gotten a convert." The latter's the business of the Triune God.

Introducing the lady to your other Christian female-friend is a wonderful idea.

When you have the opportunity, just bring your faith naturally into conversation. She should know just how integral faith is to your life. Everyone should know. That's who you really are.

God bless your kingdom endeavors. 

P.S. Definitely continue to avoid the date-to-witness approach. At 20 yrs. and graduating soon, there's often a temptation to scramble for a mate (isn't it TIME!). You have the right attitude, but still remember that this person is defintely NOT for you now, and maybe never, and that's true whether she is born again in the future or not.


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## Theoretical (May 8, 2006)

Thank you Bruce for the counsel. You make several good points, and thanks for gently reproving my view of my evangelism "success"/"failure". That is one of those annoying bits of synergistic modern evangelicalism that it very hard to rid oneself of, given how deeply the mindset settles into the crevices of one's heart. 

I also meant to ask the question about how best to present the Gospel in a coherent way to the regulars on this board, as that is my other concern. I know many of sub-components of my beliefs, but mentally unifying them into a coherent whole is proving quite difficult, given the self-taught nature of much of what I believe (though His grace is definitely aiding me in that by the Sundary School classes my church offers, which strive to be coherent doctrinal studies taught by elders in the church). Additionally, when coming from a Reformed perspective, I'm also curious as to how one would approach the presentation itself differently from standard evangellyfish methods in a personal setting such as what I am describing.

Basically, though I know and believe God will cover the flaws of my evangelistic efforts with His grace and the power of the Holy Spirit, I am acutely aware of how spiritually impoverished I am at times such as these, where the disconnected knowledge is most frustrating. 

Reformed Christianity is definitely quite a leap of a challenge to believe, learn, and to practice, especially in the badly warped culture of our times in this nation.


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## ReformedWretch (May 8, 2006)

Scott, I know EXACTLY how you feel! For years I witnessed confidently but since learning of my errors (Arminianism) I am not nearly as confident thus why I didn't answer your post. It's like I have to learn all over again.


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## beej6 (May 8, 2006)

Scott, also don't worry about your percentage of bringing people to the Lord.


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## Herald (May 8, 2006)

> _Originally posted by houseparent_
> Scott, I know EXACTLY how you feel! For years I witnessed confidently but since learning of my errors (Arminianism) I am not nearly as confident thus why I didn't answer your post. It's like I have to learn all over again.



Adam,

Not to segway too much from the OP but I share some of your concerns. I have no problem proclaiming the gospel. I have always done so emphasizing the sinful state of man, the dire consequence of sin, the atoning work of Christ and the call to repentance and faith in Christ alone (sola fide and solo Christo). In my Arminian days I would push for the sinners prayer. I never actually believed the prayer had salvific value but it was the cherry on top of the sundae (so to speak). What good conversion story is complete without a bona fide sinners prayer? Now I don't know what to do. I'm looking for a way to complete the "transaction" (I hate that term but I am using it for effect). 

[Edited on 5-8-2006 by BaptistInCrisis]


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## ReformedWretch (May 8, 2006)

YEP!

Exactly how I feel. Of course it's nice to not feel pressured to keep a tab on how many converts I have won over though.


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## turmeric (May 8, 2006)

> _Originally posted by BaptistInCrisis_
> Adam,
> 
> Not to segway too much from the OP but I share some of your concerns. I have no problem proclaiming the gospel. I have always done so emphasizing the sinful state of man, the dire consequence of sin, the atoning work of Christ and the call to repentance and faith in Christ alone (sola fide and solo Christo). In my Arminian days I would push for the sinners prayer. I never actually believed the prayer had salvific value but it was the cherry on top of the sundae (so to speak). What good conversion story is complete without a bona fide sinners prayer? Now I don't know what to do. I'm looking for a way to complete the "transaction" (I hate that term but I am using it for effect).
> ...



You actually get them *that far?* Who do you think you are, Spurgeon?

Seriously though, if anyone ever got that far when I was talking to them, I would encourage them to pray in their own words, acknowleging their sin and their trust that Christ's sacrifice and good works were enough to save them. It would help me to see how well (or not) they had understood what we talked about. BTW, there's a proto-Sinner's Prayer in _Pilgrim's Progress_!


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## Herald (May 8, 2006)

> You actually get them that far? Who do you think you are, Spurgeon?
> 
> Seriously though, if anyone ever got that far when I was talking to them, I would encourage them to pray in their own words, acknowleging their sin and their trust that Christ's sacrifice and good works were enough to save them. It would help me to see how well (or not) they had understood what we talked about. BTW, there's a proto-Sinner's Prayer in Pilgrim's Progress!



Spurgeon?! Meg, I admire the legacy of the man (witness my avatar). I am _*not*_ Spurgeon! The Lord _*knows*_ I am not Spurgeon. 

I am interested in what some other brothers and sisters think. Encourage the person to pray a prayer? No? Reasons why (for both)?


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## Theoretical (May 8, 2006)

3 more questions come to mind - because several of my originals have been explained (Thank you all for that):

1. In addition to Bill, I'm also wondering about whether the person in question should be encouraged to pray at that moment - and then if not, then what the alternative approach should be?

2. IF, by God's grace, my friend does indeed confess faith at some point in this evangelistic effort, then how should I proceed from there, outside of doing what I can to get her to join a local congregation?

3. (Tied in with 2) What things should I expect and do following said conversion, particularly given the fact that my friend would now be a sister in Christ rather than a good friend who is regrettably non-believing. How should I go about discipling a brand-new believer, particularly if I end up being one of the main human anchors God uses to sustain the person's early faith?


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## Herald (May 8, 2006)

> _Originally posted by Theoretical_
> 3 more questions come to mind - because several of my originals have been explained (Thank you all for that):
> 
> 1. In addition to Bill, I'm also wondering about whether the person in question should be encouraged to pray at that moment - and then if not, then what the alternative approach should be?
> ...



Scott,

If your friend comes to faith in Christ, do not discount your comment, "outside of doing what I can to get her to join a local congregation". This is probably _*the*_ most essential action you can take on behalf of your friend. Additionally, her Christian growth is not your ultimate responsibility. Once a person comes to faith they become part of the body of Christ. With the body will be others who will be able to encourage, exhort and admonish this new sister. Do not make the mistake (as tempting as it is) to put the burden all on Scott. 

Now, because you would have been used by God to share with her the gospel, you certainly will have a close relationship with her. Use that relationship to encourage her walk with Christ. That is the most effective thing you can do. Also, do not allow pride (that you lead her to Christ) to take root in you. I am not saying or imagining you would do such a thing, but it always something to be careful of. God has provided many wonderful believers in the church to help new saints.



> _1 Corinthians 12:1-31 Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I do not want you to be unaware. 2 You know that when you were pagans, you were led astray to the dumb idols, however you were led. 3 Therefore I make known to you, that no one speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus is accursed"; and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit. 4 Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 And there are varieties of ministries, and the same Lord. 6 And there are varieties of effects, but the same God who works all things in all persons. 7 But to each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. 8 For to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, and to another the word of knowledge according to the same Spirit; 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, and to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, 10 and to another the effecting of miracles, and to another prophecy, and to another the distinguishing of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, and to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually just as He wills. 12 For even as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ. 13 For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit. 14 For the body is not one member, but many. 15 If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body," it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body," it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. 19 And if they were all one member, where would the body be? 20 But now there are many members, but one body. 21 And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." 22 On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; 23 and those members of the body, which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our unseemly members come to have more abundant seemliness, 24 whereas our seemly members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, 25 that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. 26 And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. 27 Now you are Christ's body, and individually members of it. 28 And God has appointed in the church, first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, administrations, various kinds of tongues. 29 All are not apostles, are they? All are not prophets, are they? All are not teachers, are they? All are not workers of miracles, are they? 30 All do not have gifts of healings, do they? All do not speak with tongues, do they? All do not interpret, do they? 31 But earnestly desire the greater gifts. And I show you a still more excellent way. _



[Edited on 5-9-2006 by BaptistInCrisis]


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