# Dealing with Lust's Temptation (help).



## MJ William Denman (Feb 15, 2016)

Long story short, I struggled with lust and p0rnography from the age of twelve all the way until a couple of years ago when finally the Lord dealt with me, however, in a bizarre turn of recent events I'm finding myself very much under attack at certain moments and I feel incredibly weak and vulnerable at times.

For eg. It might be after I go to bed, wake up from a pretty traumatic dream, only to feel incredibly tempted to think about things which are not wholesome. I cannot explain why this is happening as neither my life, nor my waking thoughts, nor my dreams contain any content (as far as I remember) which leads towards that. It's simply been a case of experiencing these temptations '_out of the blue_'.

Has anyone has experienced anything similar?


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## JimmyH (Feb 15, 2016)

I have found it effective to repeat 2 Corinthians 10:4,5 to myself when 'imaginations' come to me. I also remember Ephesians 6:16 as well as all the rest of Paul's teaching on standing against the wiles of the devil. I firmly believe that 'we battle not against flesh and blood only.'

I can tell you that these verses have enabled me to 'walk in the Spirit.' I also did as Job 31:1, 'I made a covenant with my eyes'. If I see temptation in the supermarket, on the street, or anywhere else I avert my eyes. What I'm saying is experiential, not what I 'think' might work. I repeat these daily in my morning prayers, and I repeat them in case I need them at any time. The sword of the Spirit works.

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## C. Matthew McMahon (Feb 16, 2016)

Richard Baxter and William Perkins both have sections in their writings on dreams. They both say that dreams are the result of something going on in the day and often reflect some strange connection to it. Check out Baxter's Christian Directory on that.


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## Cymro (Feb 16, 2016)

It's something that has not been a plague to me, but notice how David had a similar temptation with looking at Bathsheba. He learned from that sad experience and be took himself to particular prayer in Ps119:37.
Turn Thou away my sight and eyes
From viewing vanity;
And in thy good and holy way
Be pleased to quicken me.
Jimmy's above advice is saying something similar. So halt these thoughts by thinking on those things that are true, honest,just, pure,lovely and of good report says Paul. Taking to yourself the two edged sword and the shield of faith.

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## Peairtach (Feb 16, 2016)

Just to add to what has been said, William, you may find the Evil One insinuating that if you fall into the same sin on repeated occasions that you may not be a child of God. Besetting sins have a detrimental effect on the assurance of genuine Christians. This thread may be helpful in that respect:

http://www.puritanboard.com/showthread.php/31349-Often-Relapses-Into-The-Same-Sin


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## Parakaleo (Feb 16, 2016)

What are these recent, bizarre events? If you don't want to tell us, talk to your pastor. You sound like you think there are spiritual forces of darkness harassing you. What makes you think this? What makes you think that believers are susceptible to such attacks?

Few words of Scripture have been more precious to me than these in dealing with impure thoughts:



> For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. Rom. 8:13



Lord bless you. Praying for you.

BL


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## reaganmarsh (Feb 16, 2016)

Parakaleo said:


> What are these recent, bizarre events? If you don't want to tell us, talk to your pastor. You sound like you think there are spiritual forces of darkness harassing you. What makes you think this? What makes you think that believers are susceptible to such attacks?
> 
> Few words of Scripture have been more precious to me than these in dealing with impure thoughts:
> 
> ...



Great power and gospel promise in that verse. 

You've been given good counsel already, and I second our brothers who have urged you to speak to your pastor. Let me add a few words to theirs. 

1. Recognize that 1 Cor 10.13 is true. Satan is a deceiver who hates your soul; and God is more faithful and willing to help
(Ps 46.1) than we can ever imagine. 

2. Reorient your gaze from worthless things (Ps 119.37) to things above, namely, Christ (Col 3.1ff). 

3. Renew your mind with the truth of God's word -- the truth as it is in Jesus (Php 4.8; Rom 12.1-2).

4. Regard yourself as dead to former lusts and alive to Christ (1 Cor 6.9-11; Eph 2.1-5). 

5. Reject temptation to sin, doing violence to your desires: put it to death (Col 3.5-9). 

6. Respond to God's call to holiness by putting on worship and obedience (Col 3.9-17; Rom 13.11-14). 

Think of killing sin like a 3-legged stool:

-mortify (put sin to death by the power of the Spirit -- not in the flesh, Col 2.20-23)
-vivify (put the righteousness of Christ on, where sin once reigned)
-glorify (do this in the power of the Spirit, as an act of spiritual worship and warfare)

I'm confident I read that somewhere (Jay Adams, maybe?), but it has helped me to keep those three broad biblical emphases in balance and actually remember them when I need them. 

I'll pray for you tonight, brother. Hope this helps. 

Grace to you.

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## Miss Marple (Feb 16, 2016)

I find it odd that no one has suggested marriage. I would like to stay in my lane but I feel compelled to say that marriage seems to me to be a far preferable solution to trying all this quenching vilifying etc.


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## Elizabeth (Feb 17, 2016)

One more thing....get up and do something. If wicked thoughts are troubling you, occupy yourself. You're not sleeping anyway. One further thing: if in the night I have anxious thoughts(my personal struggle), I run 'A mighty fortress is our God' in a continual loop in my brain. Music helps.


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## Scott Bushey (Feb 17, 2016)

MJ William Denman said:


> Long story short, I struggled with lust and p0rnography from the age of twelve all the way until a couple of years ago when finally the Lord dealt with me, however, in a bizarre turn of recent events I'm finding myself very much under attack at certain moments and I feel incredibly weak and vulnerable at times.
> 
> For eg. It might be after I go to bed, wake up from a pretty traumatic dream, only to feel incredibly tempted to think about things which are not wholesome. I cannot explain why this is happening as neither my life, nor my waking thoughts, nor my dreams contain any content (as far as I remember) which leads towards that. It's simply been a case of experiencing these temptations '_out of the blue_'.
> 
> Has anyone has experienced anything similar?



I have. Often. I find myself thinking of adulterous things when I try dozing off. It is here that the enemy meets me (not to mention the advertisements on FB or links).

in my opinion, most men fall into this sin-thought-life. I find more victory when I pray over my sleep and am on-guard at these times. Pray without ceasing, resist the devil and he will flee, put on the mind of Christ. I believe Frued would call this typical. From our perspective as believers, the scriptures tell us the same.


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## Tyrese (Feb 17, 2016)

[BIBLE][/BIBLE]


Miss Marple said:


> I find it odd that no one has suggested marriage. I would like to stay in my lane but I feel compelled to say that marriage seems to me to be a far preferable solution to trying all this quenching vilifying etc.



Hi sister,

First let me say that I agree with you because your answer is Biblical. Nuff said right? However I do want us to consider some of the practical dangers of the 'just get married' mentality that's prevelant in our Churches. Before going further I just want to say that I don't wish to bring an atmospher of hopelessness when there is hope in Christ. But at the same time I want to be honest not only from experience, but based on how things play out in reality.

Please keep in mind that getting married doesn't make (extreme) lustful thoughts go away. This may be the case for the ladies but not so for men. In fact I'd say the battle gets harder when you're married because you have more reason to be pure; that reason being you're now married. For this reason I think married men are less likely to be transparent in this area of there lives bcuase of he shame that comes with sin. p0rnography and lust has crippled so many men and I think this is one of the reasons the Church here in America is struggling. It's everywhere. It's also very likely that men in the pulpit who also happen to be married are hidding this. We should even be mindful that men right here on the board who dazzle us with their knowlege are doing the very same things.

I say all this not so that we lose hope, but that we would pray for the brethren like never before. Pray for this brother who took the time to share his personal thoughts. Brethren, pray for your pastors! Don't just be impressed by how well spoken a man may be; be impressed with his life. I know there's some godly men out there but we have to keep praying for them. Pray that we would all be like Joseph and say, 'How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?' 

By all means a man shoukd get his life together and persue a wife, but we still need the grace of God to overcome in a time where wickedness is constantly in our faces. Please pray for one another.

Tyrese

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## joejohnston3 (Feb 17, 2016)

Praying for you, brother, as I know this can be a difficult and frustrating problem. You are getting some great advice here and knowing you are concerned about it is a positive step for a victorious future.


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## DMcFadden (Feb 17, 2016)

Miss Marple said:


> I find it odd that no one has suggested marriage. I would like to stay in my lane but I feel compelled to say that marriage seems to me to be a far preferable solution to trying all this quenching vilifying etc.



I agree with your biblical answer to the question. 

Please consider the following, however. In a 2014 survey conducted for a non-profit, the following stats emerged:




> The statistics for Christian men between 18-30 years old are particularly striking:
> 77% look at p--nography at least monthly;
> 36% view p--nography at least daily;
> 32% admit being addicted to p--nography (and another 12% think they may be).
> ...



We can quibble over the sample, the motivations of the survey team, etc. But, working pastors can certainly vouch for the fact that this pernicious problem afflicts great numbers of men, particularly in the age of R-movies, streaming services (e.g., Netflix), and the Internet. The same technology that permits unfettered access to great mounds of biblical and theological resources with the convenience of a few keyboard strokes, can also lead people into great mischief.

I hesitate to suggest a "law" approach to a spiritual problem. But, internet filters will often reduce the incidence of use (since shame keeps many men from purchasing such materials in the public square). And, since increased use can lead to all manner of habit problems, it might be worth considering as a practical strategy to use as an application of the spiritual principles.


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## OPC'n (Feb 17, 2016)

By "pretty traumatic dream" do you mean dreams that cause apprehension, anxiety, fear, or some other type of emotion along these lines? 

I'm not sure how it's linked together, but these types feelings or a big one for me is feelings of failure can sometimes trigger lustful thoughts in me. 

When I was a child I was sexually attacked on a number of occasions. I'm sure I felt helpless and fearful during those attacks and also felt guilty. IDK if that planted a seed of connecting negative feelings to lustful thoughts in order to feel "familiar" during anxious or guilty emotions in order to be able to "handle" the negative feelings or not. I know it sounds very strange, but these emotions are nearly 90% of my triggers. Before I was saved, I gave in to these triggers all the time. After I got saved, God slowly started showing me my pattern of sinning. I, of course, don't give in like I use to, but to say I never sin like this anymore would be a lie. 

I only share this bc of your statement of having traumatic dreams. For you, it could be something entirely different, but it does sound "off" (traumatic dreams leading straight to lustful thoughts) the normal path which leads to lustful thoughts. My sinning in lust is normally done to punish myself (I didn't realize this for a long time)...yours could be done in order to assume some type of control over a situation (having a traumatic dream). It's all sin no matter the root of the sin or the trigger of the sin, but I do believe God cares enough to heal us in order to rid us of this horrid sin. Hope this wasn't TMI.


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## MJ William Denman (Feb 18, 2016)

Thank you for all your responses. I will get to responding to everyone today, thankfully. Blessings!


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## MJ William Denman (Feb 18, 2016)

Hi all,

first and foremost, thank you to everyone who took the effort to give a considered response. The beauty of those in Christ is clearly seen when people respond to you as sincerely and urgently as if you were someone they have known for many years. Truly, we are one family. I have made a note of all the scriptures provided in the posts above, and I'll make it a point to keep them front of the mind.

I suppose that I would need to elaborate some more on the current state of my life. I don't mind being open about all things since I'm not a very closed person naturally. In a way, I enjoy the transparency and even vulnerability of this approach to life, so, if you have any questions don't be afraid to probe; I'll answer.

Generally speaking, I don't have odd thoughts throughout the day relating to things that are sexual in nature. I've never had much problems in terms of second glances, staring, glaring and such. My issue has always been p0rn, however, I suspect that over the years I came to use p0rn more as a defence mechanism for hurts and pains (self-medication), rather than merely just for pleasure. In my past, a string of broken relationships with women have been emotional catalysts for me to use p0rn over the years. I've been free for a couple of years now, thank God, however, when you look at it from 12 years old to 31 (at the time), those residual images do come about at the strangest of occasions, and for me, usually it's at moments at 2-3 am when I wake from emotional dreams. As a pattern, in the past, I chose p0rn as an emotional escape from emotionally overwhelming circumstances.

I should, however, mention that back in September, my girlfriend and fiancee of three years ended the relationship with me, and so the emotional hurt as a result of that is the first that I've felt _since_ I have been free of p0rn, or the use of it. We have, however, still been in communication since that point.

Regarding the question of marriage as a means of helping this situation, I live in a small-ish town in England, therefore, I don't really know any sisters who are not married, and since I'm not entirely convinced of the purpose of Christian dating sites, it'd take a work of God to put a wife in my path! Haha.


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## Parakaleo (Feb 18, 2016)

Brother, is the woman you sought counsel concerning her inappropriate living situation in New York the same that broke off an engagement with you?



> We have, however, still been in communication since that point.



This is not healthy for you. If a woman ejected herself from an engagement to me (broke her word) and began living with another man, I would not carry on a friendship with her. I have some hard words for you, but my aim in this is that you would recover your strength: *you are playing the part of the cuckolded man*. It's not masculine. It's not godly.

If you haven't done so already, tell her there is no possibility of resuming a romantic relationship. And believe it yourself. Furthermore, I feel that if you severed all communication with this woman and focused on recovering your confidence and identity apart from any relationships at all, with Christ as your Rock, you would fight these temptations from a position of strength. Plus, you would be in the position to seek a godly relationship with another woman. I am continuing to pray for you.


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## reaganmarsh (Feb 19, 2016)

Just came across this book on Amazon and thought that it might have some nuggets of wisdom for you (note: I have not read this book yet): https://www.amazon.com/dp/160178371X/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_awd_LaSXwbA3NG69V

Prayed for you this morning. 

Grace to you.


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## Semper Fidelis (Feb 19, 2016)

First, I agree with the advice that a single man who does not have the gift of celibacy ought to be pursuing marriage.

That said, the best work on dealing with Sin and Temptation is Owen's work: http://amzn.to/1Ww5ttJ

Marriage is an important part of helping in this area but there is no "cure" for indwelling sin. Owen's work helps to remind that we're in a battle.


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## reaganmarsh (Feb 19, 2016)

Semper Fidelis said:


> First, I agree with the advice that a single man who does not have the gift of celibacy ought to be pursuing marriage.
> 
> That said, the best work on dealing with Sin and Temptation is Owen's work: http://amzn.to/1Ww5ttJ
> 
> Marriage is an important part of helping in this area but there is no "cure" for indwelling sin. Owen's work helps to remind that we're in a battle.



Well said. Amen.


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## Pergamum (Feb 19, 2016)

When I was younger and unmarried and woke up in the morning (or at night) in this manner, I'd go run a few miles or go lift weights. I'd run sometimes until I was too exhausted to think anything bad anymore.

Ha ha, I ran a marathon one summer before I was married, and I can now lift like a powerlifter. So...put those unproductive energies into healthy and energetic diversions. 

I also sought out a wife asap.

Putting an internet filter on your computer is also a must, or keeping your computer within an open and visible area. It is good for the young to stay busy, so as not to dwell upon sin... like busy to the point of exhaustion if need be.

Also, I noticed when I was younger that the other young men who indulged in p0rn or relationships involving premarital sex often sought out women who were maybe not the best choices for them rather than face a "dry" spell without any sexual outlet. They hopped from one unhealthy relationship to another because I believe they were blinded by their senses and not rationally seeking out the best choice of marriage mates. If you have done the same and hopped from one promiscuous relationship to another, know that finding a good wife starts with you being a man deserving of a good wife.

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## johnny (Feb 19, 2016)

Hi William,

I often stand back and laugh at the crazy things my mind (human heart) comes up with.
Whether it be desire or envy or lust or wrath, I pretty much experience them all every day.
I kind of step back from it a bit, I tell myself, I am a Confessional Christian now.
I am not a Roman Catholic, flagellating myself over various thoughts, (as unwanted as they are)

I understand that we are in a spiritual battle, but the way is easy and the burdens are light.
So please be kind to youself, have a good understanding of who you are, "be sober minded"
And like Pergamum suggests, go for a jog or take a cold shower. 

Or as Luther would say "Go plow a field"


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