# You might be a redneck Arminian if...



## Scot (Jan 1, 2006)

You might be a redneck Arminian if...

you think "Cornelius Van Til" is a cigar brand.

you think that "Limited Atonement" is a single barrel shotgun.

you possess more Charles Finney books than teeth.

you think "Spurgeon" is something you catch with rod & reel from your brother-in-law's fishing boat.

when you hear Institutes you think of where many of your relatives live.

"The Chief End of Man" is where you end up after "The Fall of Man."


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## turmeric (Jan 1, 2006)

> _Originally posted by Scot_
> You might be a redneck Arminian if...
> 
> you think "Spurgeon" is something you catch with rod & reel from your brother-in-law's fishing boat.



C'mon! Them spurgeon is right good eatin' all fried in corn meal, I never et nothin better in my life!


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## cupotea (Jan 1, 2006)

I once got my racing-obsessed brother the best birthday card:

You may be a redneck if you think the last line of the national anthem is 'Gentlemen, start your engines!'


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## biblelighthouse (Jan 1, 2006)

You might be an Arminian redneck if . . .


You think that the "five points" are the antlers of the first buck you ever shot as a kid.

You think "irresistible grace" is the blonde bombshell who lives next door.

You think "perseverance of the saints" is the war-cry of that football team from New Orleans.

You think John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes are the full names of those two characters in the comic strip with the kid and the tiger.

You think "eternal security" is what you get by having a loaded shotgun hanging in the back of your pickup truck.

You think that "_prooritzo_" means a person is in favor of Ritz crackers.

You think that the Articles of Remonstrance are opinion columns written in the county's weekly newspaper.

You think that the "Romans 9" is some big Italian Rockabilly music group.

You think that "foreordained" means that someone forced you to play golf.





[Edited on 1-2-2006 by biblelighthouse]


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Jan 1, 2006)

...if you summarize a visit to a Presbyterian church like Huck Finn...



> Next Sunday we all went to church, about three mile, everybody a-horseback. The men took their guns along, so did Buck, and kept them between their knees or stood them handy against the wall. The Shepherdsons done the same. It was pretty ornery preaching -- all about brotherly love, and such-like tiresomeness; but everybody said it was a good ser- mon, and they all talked it over going home, and had such a powerful lot to say about faith and good works and free grace and *preforeordestination* [sic], and I don't know what all, that it did seem to me to be one of the roughest Sundays I had run across yet.
> 
> Huck Finn in _The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_ by Mark Twain, Chap. XVIII, cited in the _Dictionary of the Presbyterian & Reformed Tradition in America_ ed. by D.G. Hart and Mark A. Noll, p. xv


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## Puritan Sailor (Jan 1, 2006)

> _Originally posted by Scot_
> you think "Cornelius Van Til" is a cigar brand.


Now that's a good idea.  



> you think that "Limited Atonement" is a single barrel shotgun.




I think I have a new name for my gun


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## Bladestunner316 (Jan 1, 2006)

Good One Dan!!!!


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## Scot (Jan 1, 2006)

there is a fiddle accompaniment with Just as I am.

your exegesis consists of having 2 Peter 3:9 tattooed on your arm.

when you hear "œRC" you think of Cola.

you think that supralapsarian is a newly breed dog.

when the preacher mentions that we are but lumps of clay, you think of Mud Bogs.

you hear someone say Ordo Salutis and think they had too much moonshine.

you purchase your Dave Hunt books through the Home Shopping Network.

when you hear "œfive points" it reminds you of your average monthly reduction in your driver´s record.

you have a bumper sticker on your truck that says, "œIf there ain´t free will in heaven, I don´t want to go."


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## turmeric (Jan 3, 2006)

BTW, Tom Sawyer was a Presbyterian.

You might be a redneck arminian if you think that a sermon on election is about politics.

[Edited on 1-3-2006 by turmeric]


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## ~~Susita~~ (Jan 9, 2006)

> _Originally posted by puritansailor_
> I think I have a new name for my gun




Me too!


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## PuritanCovenanter (Jan 9, 2006)

> _Originally posted by Scot_
> You might be a redneck Arminian if...
> 
> you think that "Limited Atonement" is a single barrel shotgun.
> ...



I am now naming my single 20 limited atonement and my double 16 guage Eternal Security.


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