# What does Scripture teach about personal privacy?



## moselle

The issue came up yesterday when my 11yodd received an inappropriate email forwarded from a "friend of a friend". It was one of those stupid "forward this email to 20 people and the person you have a crush on will make out with you at a party" kind of foolishness. I'm not sure how the girl got our email address - Dd does NOT have her own email account, but she is allowed to use the family email address with approval. I deleted it before anyone else saw it, and returned the email with a note that those emails were not welcome at our house. To her credit, the girl immediately sent an apology.

Anyway, it started a conversation about the need or lack thereof for personal privacy and off the top of my head, I could only come up with prayer, fasting, and good deeds as things that scripture specifically teaches can/should be done privately.

Can you give me more insight on this as it relates to raising children &/or adults?


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## jwithnell

What first jumps into my mind is the idea of headship within a household, backed up by the commandment to honor your mother and your father. The father has a heavy responsibility that can function only if he has a pretty good idea what's going on within his family. The modern "rights" of children, particularly to privacy, can in no way support the Biblical family structure. 

Within scripture, you also see the exclusivity and intimacy of marriage which implies privacy there, not only from outsiders but also from the older generation and from the children of the household. 

Under the Mosaic covenant, certain people and "situations" were taken outside the camp -- illnesses, menstruation, and so on. While this was part of the ceremonial law, perhaps it also suggests that not every human function needs to be publicly staged? Not so sure on this last one, but it seems like there's something intuitive there that applies to privacy.

Interesting question!


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## Andres

I apologize up front if this is not answering your question, but I believe this original issue of the inappropriate email has nothign to do with a privacy issue, but rather simply an issue of what is appropriate for an 11 year old. If you don't want your child to read emails like that (and I agree you shouldn't) then I think it's just a matter of you exhorting your parental authority. In my opinion, you handled the situation correctly. As for what limits of privacy you should give your children, just use common sense as a parent. Obviously if you trust them, then they can have more leeway, yet at the same time, it is your house so you make the rules.


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## moselle

Andres said:


> I apologize up front if this is not answering your question, but I believe this original issue of the inappropriate email has nothign to do with a privacy issue, but rather simply an issue of what is appropriate for an 11 year old. If you don't want your child to read emails like that (and I agree you shouldn't) then I think it's just a matter of you exhorting your parental authority. In my opinion, you handled the situation correctly. As for what limits of privacy you should give your children, just use common sense as a parent. Obviously if you trust them, then they can have more leeway, yet at the same time, it is your house so you make the rules.



You're right - the privacy issue in my head that didn't quite make it out stemmed from my reading emails addressed to dd, and whether or not kids should have their own email accounts. 

My thought was that there really wasn't any reason for our kids to have their "own" email accounts since they would be monitored anyway (with their knowledge), and might simply give them a false impression of having privacy and if this is an acceptable option. And that led to wondering where the Bible grants privacy, and where it is/is not necessary within families (particularly with children - there are obviously many things that parents keep private from their children.)


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## Jon Peters

jwithnell said:


> The modern "rights" of children, particularly to privacy, can in no way support the Biblical family structure.



What modern rights are you talking about? In your view is it biblical for the civil magistrate to protect the child from sexual and physical abuse? I know that's a loaded question, but I'd like to know where the line is drawn in your thinking. In my (rather undeveloped) thinking, it is a matter of degrees, not an absolute prohibition.


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## Rich Koster

Privacy can be given as trustworthiness is proven.


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## jwithnell

> In your view is it biblical for the civil magistrate to protect the child from sexual and physical abuse?



Of course I'd want to protect children from any kind of abuse! It's the idea of treating children like little adults that concerns me! Some believe that a child should be able to say and believe as he wants at any age. That parents have no "right" to search when they have a concern. As others have said, giving a greater degree of privacy as children gain your trust makes a lot of sense to me.


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## Montanablue

Rich Koster said:


> Privacy can be given as trustworthiness is proven.



I agree. I think that especially as a child grows older, more and more privacy can be appropriate. 

An example:

When I was about 15 or 16, I got my own email account. I was homeschooled and because of this, I communicated with many of my friends by email. My friends did not necessarily want my parents reading their emails - not because they were bad or inappropriate emails, but because they weren't friends with my parents and were uncomfortable sharing various emotions, experiences, situations with them- for instance, a friend's brother was in Iraq and she went through a lot of emotional trauma that she shared with me via email. My parents didn't need to read those. Likewise, I had anxiety over colleges that I shared with friends. You get the picture.

I certainly don't think that parents need to be privy to every single private emotion, feeling, or experience that a young person has. Of course, parents do need to know what is going on with their children, so a balance has to be struck. But if a child or teenage has shown that they can be trusted, I don't think that allowing some privacy is unbiblical.


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## Edward

Montanablue said:


> Rich Koster said:
> 
> 
> 
> Privacy can be given as trustworthiness is proven.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I agree. I think that especially as a child grows older, more and more privacy can be appropriate.
> 
> An example:
> 
> When I was about 15 or 16, I got my own email account. I was homeschooled and because of this, I communicated with many of my friends by email. My friends did not necessarily want my parents reading their emails - not because they were bad or inappropriate emails, but because they weren't friends with my parents and were uncomfortable sharing various emotions, experiences, situations with them- for instance, a friend's brother was in Iraq and she went through a lot of emotional trauma that she shared with me via email. My parents didn't need to read those. Likewise, I had anxiety over colleges that I shared with friends. You get the picture.
> 
> I certainly don't think that parents need to be privy to every single private emotion, feeling, or experience that a young person has. Of course, parents do need to know what is going on with their children, so a balance has to be struck. But if a child or teenage has shown that they can be trusted, I don't think that allowing some privacy is unbiblical.
Click to expand...


I'm planning to err on the side of being overprotective.


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## moselle

Montanablue said:


> Rich Koster said:
> 
> 
> 
> Privacy can be given as trustworthiness is proven.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I agree. I think that especially as a child grows older, more and more privacy can be appropriate.
> 
> An example:
> 
> When I was about 15 or 16, I got my own email account. I was homeschooled and because of this, I communicated with many of my friends by email. My friends did not necessarily want my parents reading their emails - not because they were bad or inappropriate emails, but because they weren't friends with my parents and were uncomfortable sharing various emotions, experiences, situations with them- for instance, a friend's brother was in Iraq and she went through a lot of emotional trauma that she shared with me via email. My parents didn't need to read those. Likewise, I had anxiety over colleges that I shared with friends. You get the picture.
> 
> I certainly don't think that parents need to be privy to every single private emotion, feeling, or experience that a young person has. Of course, parents do need to know what is going on with their children, so a balance has to be struck. But if a child or teenage has shown that they can be trusted, I don't think that allowing some privacy is unbiblical.
Click to expand...


Thank you for those thoughts. I may be equating "privacy" with "hiding" at the moment. What really concerns me is that I know the families of most of the email recipients, as well as the sender. I'm pretty sure none of the parents would approve of this stuff and I would have considered the girls to be more level headed and responsible, yet their daughters are spreading it around (as it would seem from the lengthy chain of forwarding) quite freely.


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## Montanablue

moselle said:


> Montanablue said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Rich Koster said:
> 
> 
> 
> Privacy can be given as trustworthiness is proven.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I agree. I think that especially as a child grows older, more and more privacy can be appropriate.
> 
> An example:
> 
> When I was about 15 or 16, I got my own email account. I was homeschooled and because of this, I communicated with many of my friends by email. My friends did not necessarily want my parents reading their emails - not because they were bad or inappropriate emails, but because they weren't friends with my parents and were uncomfortable sharing various emotions, experiences, situations with them- for instance, a friend's brother was in Iraq and she went through a lot of emotional trauma that she shared with me via email. My parents didn't need to read those. Likewise, I had anxiety over colleges that I shared with friends. You get the picture.
> 
> I certainly don't think that parents need to be privy to every single private emotion, feeling, or experience that a young person has. Of course, parents do need to know what is going on with their children, so a balance has to be struck. But if a child or teenage has shown that they can be trusted, I don't think that allowing some privacy is unbiblical.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Thank you for those thoughts. I may be equating "privacy" with "hiding" at the moment. What really concerns me is that I know the families of most of the email recipients, as well as the sender. I'm pretty sure none of the parents would approve of this stuff and I would have considered the girls to be more level headed and responsible, yet their daughters are spreading it around (as it would seem from the lengthy chain of forwarding) quite freely.
Click to expand...


Right, and your daughter is also quite a bit younger - 11. An 11 year old is not as capable of discernment in certain areas, and so its probably more appropriate that they use a family email account. I'm not saying that children and teens have to have complete privacy - just that in a lot of situations a degree of privacy may be appropriate. Especially if you have a child that has shown themselves to be trustworthy.


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