# Choosing between two churches



## Piano Hero (Feb 10, 2017)

Hello!

I'm sorry if this isn't the right forum, of course the mods with their mod power can move it if there's a better option.  Just as a warning, this will be a long post. 


My husband and I have been off and on attending two churches for the past few years. When I was single, I attended and became a member of a church separate from my parents, and so for awhile when my husband and I were first married (about 3 years ago), we attended that church. But in the past two years or so, we've gone to both "my" church in the morning (11am), and then my parents' church in the afternoon (2:30pm). Now, we have a nine month old boy, and we go to whichever church works with how his naps are doing that day.


Some potentially pertinent info:

1) My husband and I are Reformed Baptists. The church we are members of is nondenominational, but they are essentially Reformed Baptists. My parents' church is also nondenominational, but branched out of a PCA church, and about half the members hold a paedobaptist belief. 


2) The church we are members of has roughly 300 members, while my parents' church has around 30 at most. My parents' church was born out of a terrible church split, and while it was a disheartening, sad experience, all the members of the smaller church have grown very close. It's a long and tragic story that I won't go into, but I don't think I could ever be as close to these people as to anyone at another church. My husband and I feel very comfortable there, while we're still not "plugged in" (I hate that term but that's all I got) at the larger church, after two years of attendance. Small groups don't really work at this stage in our life, with the baby, and both my husband and I are terribly introverted (something we're working to overcome), so it's a struggle to talk to the person in the next pew. 


3) One (minor) reason that we like to attend my parents' church, aside from the solid, Biblical preaching, is that it gives my parents an opportunity to see their grandson, as they live an hour away and it's hard to see him during the week. 



So I guess my questions are:

A) Is it wrong to divide our time between two churches? Being a member of a certain church, should we be entirely committed to that one? 

B) When two churches are Biblically solid (to my judgment), how nit picky do you get to chose the "right" one? There is the old phrase about "if you find the perfect church, there's something wrong with it", but if we do need to pick on, there has to be some qualifiers.


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## Jack K (Feb 10, 2017)

My initial thought, for what it's worth...

Are you able to attend your parents' church as often as you do without it interfering with your commitment and fellowship at the church where you are members? It sounds like you cannot. It sounds like your parents' church is getting in the way of your commitment to your own church.

I don't think it would necessarily be wrong to visit a second church in the afternoons, to further be encouraged in faith and have Christian fellowship, so long as it doesn't interfere with your own church. But that's hard to pull off on an ongoing basis. It really isn't any surprise that you've had trouble connecting at your own church. Part of the fault probably lies with that church, but your own divided loyalty is likely part of the cause as well, I would guess.

So based on a quick reading of what you wrote, I suspect you need to pick one church and stick with it. Perhaps you could visit the other occasionally, but never as an alternative to your home church, only in addition to it. If you decide to stay at your current church of membership, perhaps the grandparents could drop by to see the baby before or after their services. Also, naps are important, but you must try not to let them dictate your church attendance, if at all possible.

As for which church you should pick, I can't say. But by your report that you don't feel plugged in or completely comfortable at your church of membership, I think you've answered the question of whether or not it works to hop between two churches. It appears that it does not.


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## jwithnell (Feb 10, 2017)

Jack is spot-on. I'd add a question. Was there a reason you switched membership? And if you do return, you should certainly do so with the counsel of your current overseers.


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