# History Lesson



## BG (Mar 6, 2009)

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a
> condensed version:
> 
> Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
> nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
> mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and
> live on fish and lobster in the winter.
> 
> The two most important events in all of history were the
> invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel
> was invented to get man to the beer. These were the
> foundation of modern civilization and together were the
> catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
> subgroups:
> 
> 1. Liberals, and
> 2. Conservatives.
> 
> Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
> the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
> aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans
> were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they
> just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
> were formed.
> 
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
> B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
> beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
> 
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
> learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
> nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
> dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
> 
> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
> domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
> group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide
> how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
> 
> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
> largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
> Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
> 
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
> most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat
> raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
> French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting
> evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
> testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
> personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
> Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals
> invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
> fair to make the pitcher also bat.
> 
> Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red
> meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are
> big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
> workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,
> corporate executives, athletes, members of the military,
> airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.
> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who
> want to work for a living.
> 
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
> producers and decide what to do with the production.
> Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
> Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
> Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
> crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
> business of trying to get more for nothing.
> 
> Here ends today's lesson in world history:


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## AThornquist (Mar 6, 2009)




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## Grymir (Mar 6, 2009)

Bravo!!!!!! 

Glad to be a conservative!!!!


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## PresbyDane (Mar 7, 2009)




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## reformed trucker (Mar 7, 2009)

WDG said:


> Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud.



Here is where you lost me. That is just sick.  Please tell me I don't have to become liberal because of my beer choices! 

-----Added 3/7/2009 at 12:23:37 EST-----



Joshua said:


> WDG said:
> 
> 
> > Modern liberals like imported beer . . . Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud.
> ...



Tippin' my Belgian triple to ya, brother!


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## LadyFlynt (Mar 7, 2009)

WDG said:


> > Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
> > B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
> > beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
> 
> ...



Amen!


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## Happy2BHome (Mar 7, 2009)

LadyFlynt said:


> WDG said:
> 
> 
> > > Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
> ...


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## LadyFlynt (Mar 7, 2009)

Still like my




though


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## LawrenceU (Mar 7, 2009)

You eat that cut bait? I have tried and tried it. I've eaten raw fish, but to go out and pay for it? No thanks. I'll fry mine in corn meal or beer batter.


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## reformed trucker (Mar 7, 2009)

LadyFlynt said:


> Still like my
> 
> 
> 
> though



Pass the wasabi, sister!


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## AThornquist (Mar 7, 2009)

LadyFlynt said:


> Still like my
> 
> 
> 
> though



You called it. I'll take two Dragon Rolls, puh-leez.


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## Skyler (Mar 7, 2009)

I've never liked sushi after I went to a sushi restaurant and ate too many mints or something. I got sick and mentally blamed it on the sushi.


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