# Hermeneutics (funny)



## Jon 316 (Jan 14, 2009)

I came across this a few years ago. 

HERMENEUTICS (=the study of the meaning of
> > scripture)
> > 
> > Lets apply the principles to something from everyday
> > life!
> > 
> > Suppose you're traveling to work and you see a stop
> > sign. What do you do? 
> > That depends on how you exegete (interpret) the stop
> > sign.
> > 
> > 1. A postmodernist deconstructs the sign (knocks it
> > over with his car), 
> > ending forever the tyranny of the north-south
> > traffic over the east-west 
> > traffic.
> > 
> > 2. Similarly, a Marxist refuses to stop because he
> > sees the stop sign as an 
> > instrument of class conflict. He concludes that the
> > bourgeois use the 
> > north-south road and obstruct the progress of the
> > workers in the east-west 
> > road.
> > 
> > 3. A serious and educated Catholic rolls through the
> > intersection because he 
> > believes he cannot understand the stop sign apart
> > from its interpretive 
> > community and tradition. Observing that the
> > interpretive community doesn't 
> > take it too seriously, he doesn't feel obligated to
> > take it too seriously 
> > either.
> > 
> > 4. An average Catholic (or Orthodox or Coptic or
> > Anglican or Methodist or 
> > whatever) doesn't bother to read the sign but he'll
> > stop if the car in front 
> > of him does.
> > 
> > 5. A fundamentalist, taking the text very literally,
> > stops at the stop sign 
> > and waits for it to tell him to go.
> > 
> > 6. A seminary-educated evangelical preacher might
> > look up "STOP" in his 
> > lexicons of English and discover that it can mean:
> > 1)something which 
> > prevents motion, such as a plug for a drain, or a
> > block of wood that 
> > prevents a door from closing; 2) a location where a
> > train or bus lets off 
> > passengers. The main point of his sermon the
> > following Sunday on this text 
> > is: when you see a stop sign, it is a place where
> > traffic is naturally 
> > clogged, so it is a good place to let off passengers
> > from your car.
> > 
> > 7. An orthodox Jew does one of two things: a) Take
> > another route to work 
> > that doesn't have a stop sign so that he doesn't run
> > the risk of disobeying 
> > the Law; b) Stop at the sign, say "Blessed art thou,
> > O Lord our God, king of 
> > the universe, who hast given us thy commandment to
> > stop," wait 3 seconds 
> > according to his watch, and then proceed.
> > Incidently, the Talmud has the 
> > following comments on this passage: R[abbi] Meir
> > says: He who does not stop 
> > shall not live long. R. Hillel says: Cursed is he
> > who does not count to 
> > three before proceeding. R. Simon ben Yudah says:
> > Why three? Because the 
> > Holy One, blessed be He, gave us the Law, the
> > Prophets, and the Writings. R. 
> > ben Issac says: Because of the three patriarchs. R.
> > Yehuda says: Why bless 
> > the Lord at a stop sign? Because it says, "Be still
> > and know that I am 
> > God"....
> > 
> > 8. A scholar from the Jesus Seminar concludes that
> > the passage "STOP" 
> > undoubtably was never uttered by Jesus himself
> > because being the progressive 
> > Jew that He was, He would never have wanted to
> > stifle peoples' progress. 
> > Therefore, STOP must be a textual insertion
> > belonging entirely to stage III 
> > of the gospel tradition, when the church was first
> > confronted by traffic in 
> > its parking lot.
> > 
> > 9. A NT scholar notices that there is no stop sign
> > on Mark street but there 
> > is one on Matthew and Luke streets, and concludes
> > that the ones on Luke and 
> > Matthew streets are both copied from a sign on a
> > street no one has ever seen 
> > called "Q" Street. There is an excellent 300 page
> > doctoral dissertation on 
> > the origin of these stop signs and the differences
> > between stop signs on 
> > Matthew and Luke street in the scholar's commentary
> > on the passage. There is 
> > an unfortunate omission in the dissertation,
> > however; it doesn't explain the 
> > meaning of the text!
> > 
> > 10. An OT scholar points out that there are a number
> > of stylistic 
> > differences between the first and second half of the
> > passage "STOP." For 
> > example, "ST" contains no enclosed areas and 5 line
> > endings, whereas "OP" 
> > contains two enclosed areas and only one line
> > termination. He concludes that 
> > the author for the second part is different from the
> > author of the first 
> > part and probably lived hundreds of years later.
> > Later scholars determine 
> > that the second half is itself actually written by
> > two separate authors 
> > beause of similar stylistic differences between the
> > "O" and the "P".
> > 
> > 11. Another prominent OT scholar notes in his
> > commentary that the stop sign 
> > would fit better into the context three streets
> > back. (Unfortunately, he 
> > neglected to explain why in his commentary.) Clearly
> > it was moved to its 
> > present location by a later redactor. He thus
> > exegetes the intersection as 
> > though the sign were not there.
> > 
> > 12. Because of the difficulties in interpretation,
> > another OT scholar amends 
> > the text, changing the "T" to "H". "SHOP" is much
> > easier to understand in 
> > context than "STOP" because of the multiplicity of
> > stores in the area. The 
> > textual corruption probably occurred because "SHOP"
> > is so similar to "STOP" 
> > on the sign several streets back, that it is a
> > natural mistake for a scribe 
> > to make. Thus the sign should be interpreted to
> > announce the existence of a 
> > shopping area. If this is true, it could indicate
> > that both meanings are 
> > valid, thus making the thrust of the message "STOP
> > (AND) SHOP."
> > 
> > 13. A "prophetic" preacher notices that the square
> > root of the sum of the 
> > numeric representations of the letters S-T-O-P
> > (sigma-tau-omicron-pi in the 
> > Greek alphabet), multiplied by 40 (the number of
> > testing), and divided by 
> > four (the number of the world--north, south, east,
> > and west), equals 666. 
> > Therefore, he concludes that stop signs are the
> > dreaded "mark of the beast," 
> > a harbinger of divine judgment upon the world, and
> > must be avoided at all 
> > costs.
> >


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## ReformedWretch (Jan 14, 2009)

Herman who?


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## LawrenceU (Jan 14, 2009)

Jon, that is too funny. Made me go back a few years though.


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## lynnie (Jan 14, 2009)




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## Kim G (Jan 14, 2009)

That was great!


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## PresbyDane (Jan 14, 2009)




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## ManleyBeasley (Jan 14, 2009)




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## Rich Koster (Jan 14, 2009)

I thought it was symbolic..... an acronym for Stomp The Other Pedal.

If you don't realize this you might get slain by the Spirit (a car made by AMC in the late 90's and I think Dodge also used the name).


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## Jon 316 (Jan 14, 2009)

> I thought it was symbolic..... an acronym for Stomp The Other Pedal.
> 
> If you don't realize this you might get slain by the Spirit (a car made by AMC in the late 90's and I think Dodge also used the name).





sorry dude, youve lost me


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## py3ak (Jan 14, 2009)

The Jewish one was particularly funny, though most of them were alarmingly accurate.


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## sotzo (Jan 14, 2009)

You left out the Reformed guy...what does he do?


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## Rich Koster (Jan 14, 2009)

Jon 316 said:


> > I thought it was symbolic..... an acronym for Stomp The Other Pedal.
> >
> > If you don't realize this you might get slain by the Spirit (a car made by AMC in the late 90's and I think Dodge also used the name).
> 
> ...



Wordplay with some imaginary hermeneutics from Charismanialand.


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## Jon 316 (Jan 14, 2009)

> I thought it was symbolic..... an acronym for Stomp The Other Pedal.
> 
> If you don't realize this you might get slain by the Spirit (a car made by AMC in the late 90's and I think Dodge also used the name).
> 
> ...



lol Ive just got it! doh 

reformed guy? Turns to his WCF finds no reference to stop signs and carries on regardless in the confidence that stop signs are a new herasy put in place by Roman Catholics who are hiding in the layby waiting to snatch the protestant back into the fold.


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