# Marriage problems culture?



## arapahoepark (Apr 4, 2017)

I see to come across a common refrain of from people that their or somebody else's marriage 'didn't work out' or that they were better off friends, or they were too young and rushed into it or something like that. It honestly baffles me to hear that. No doubt it probably largely stemmed from lersonality differences and/or different interests. The latter, 'compatibility' seems to the catch phrase for marriages and dating today, along with havings lots of things in common, though I guess not without some warrant but, What would you tell such people and what advice would you give to such couples? I am curious as to your opinions and advice on the matter.


----------



## Afterthought (Apr 4, 2017)

I don't know how to make application to the specific question, but an older, happily married man once told me that couples will always be compatible in some ways and incompatible in others. More compatibility is certainly a helpful thing, but the insuitabilities between even the best of matches--on top of our fallen condition--will always be there and need to be worked at.

Reactions: Like 1


----------



## ZackF (Apr 5, 2017)

arapahoepark said:


> I see to come across a common refrain of from people that their or somebody else's marriage 'didn't work out' or that they were better off friends, or they were too young and rushed into it or something like that. It honestly baffles me to hear that. No doubt it probably largely stemmed from lersonality differences and/or different interests. The latter, 'compatibility' seems to the catch phrase for marriages and dating today, along with havings lots of things in common, though I guess not without some warrant but, What would you tell such people and what advice would you give to such couples? I am curious as to your opinions and advice on the matter.



The world confuses prudence in deciding on whether to get married with permission for divorce. The biblical permissions for divorce are _usually_ agreed on as; infidelity and/or abandonment. Most of us have heard it said when talking about a divorced couple on why they they divorced, "they were too young" or "they just were not ready for marriage." Those may be reasons to not get married but they are not reasons to divorce. The answer to immaturity isn't a life changing, selfish and sinful act but rather growth in character and with an increased maturity to follow. The man-child and latent diva are not "compatible" with anyone. They're ridiculous. The answer to their problems is in becoming not finding someone else.

Reactions: Like 2


----------



## Pergamum (Apr 6, 2017)

Our culture doesn't like guilt and blame or stigma. A vague, "it didn't work out" is a way to keep the guilt away from largely unfaithful people who divorce.

Reactions: Like 1


----------



## RamistThomist (Apr 6, 2017)

I would ask them, "So what do you hope to get out of marriage?" What are your goals for marriage? It's a harder question than it sounds. Possible answers:

1) Happiness
2) Sexual release
3) Someone to complete me.
4) Luv

These aren't terrible ideas in the abstract, but they are all very weak to build a lifetime foundation on.

(1*) If happiness is defined in kingdom language and even classical eudaimonion theory, someone can help you in happiness.
(2*) To an extent this is biblical, other things considered. Pace Doug Wilson, however, I don't think it is a panacea for every form of previous sexual deviancy and disorder. 
(4*) I don't even know what "love" in the American sense means.

Reactions: Like 1


----------

