# How do I not be overbearing and heavy-handed?



## Parmenas (Aug 28, 2017)

I have great trouble with remaining civil and irenic when defending the faith. I often let myself be the offense, and not the truth. I think I am, at least I am seen as, overbearing, heavy-handed, and conceited. What advice can you give me?

What do you think of this advice I received: Instead of making dogmatistic pronunciations of fact, wrap the truth you wish to communicate, wrap your argument, in a question.

Edit: I am beginning a "Comparative Religion" class at the Romanist high school I attend. This is the circumstance of this post.


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## Ryan&Amber2013 (Aug 28, 2017)

I would recommend always communicating to people with gentleness, respect, tenderness, kindness, and in a loving way. Show them you truly care about them as people, and be open to listen to their beliefs, while sincerely listening and learning from them. People will love to communicate with you when they know you love and respect them.

Reactions: Like 1 | Edifying 1


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## Ryan&Amber2013 (Aug 28, 2017)

Btw, that is very humble of you to actually care about that and want to honor the Lord in this way. I remember going through the cage stage, and now I look back at it with so many regrets.

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## Parmenas (Aug 28, 2017)

Ryan&Amber2013 said:


> Btw, that is very humble of you to actually care about that and want to honor the Lord in this way. I remember going through the cage stage, and now I look back at it with so many regrets.



Yes, I hope I am beginning to creep out of the cage. By my natural disposition I am very prone to such behavior.


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## Alan D. Strange (Aug 28, 2017)

Wighardus said:


> By my natural disposition I am very prone to such behavior.


.

Me, too. More than I can ever begin to express! 

I seek to work against it, to die to my overbearing, heavy-handed and conceited self and to live to who I am in Christ as a new creature, giving, loving, and serving. That I do this so poorly is my greatest shame. I am very far in the flesh from what Ryan so beautifully described above.

What can you do? Fight against your flesh and never stop until you reach glory. He will be pleased to grant you such gain as you make. Thus any success is His and to God be the glory!

Peace,
Alan

Reactions: Like 1 | Edifying 1


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## BGF (Aug 28, 2017)

Wighardus said:


> What do you think of this advice I received: Instead of making dogmatistic pronunciations of fact, wrap the truth you wish to communicate, wrap your argument, in a question.



It's a good rhetorical technique and can be used effectively. However, I would start with genuine questions. Find out who you are talking to. What do they believe? Why? Get to know the person and be genuinely interested in their answers. Don't try to win the argument. Win the person.

Reactions: Like 1 | Edifying 1


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## TrustGzus (Aug 29, 2017)

I would recommend an inexpensive and reasonably short book by Greg Koukl titled _Tactics_. Read it and reread it and reread it and practice and practice until what he demonstrates is how you conduct yourself.

Or watch him discuss it on YouTube.

Koukl specializes in teaching what Ryan described and you can hear him do it on his podcast every week. Koukl is excellent at it.

Reactions: Like 1


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## jwithnell (Aug 29, 2017)

One point to keep in mind: whose honor are you defending? I think many of us would claim it is Christ's, but really many of us want to be right for our own sakes.

Reactions: Like 3 | Edifying 1


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