# Q. on interracial marriages



## ChristianasJourney (Jun 6, 2004)

The title is a little misleading. But I couldn't think of a better one.

I know there are a variety of members from a variety of ethnic and racial groups on board, so I thought I'd pose this question here for everybody...


Would you have a problem if I said, that I didn't
want to marry someone outside of my racial or ethnic group?

Or

That I want my children to marry someone within their racial group?

[Edited on 6-6-2004 by ChristianasJourney]


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## Gregg (Jun 6, 2004)

[quote:e2a6b4560a][i:e2a6b4560a]Originally posted by ChristianasJourney[/i:e2a6b4560a]
The title is a little misleading. But I couldn't think of a better one.

I know there are a variety of members from a variety of ethnic and racial groups on board, so I thought I'd pose this question here for everybody...


Would you have a problem if I said, that I didn't
want to marry someone outside of my racial or ethnic group?

Or

That I want my children to marry someone within their racial group?

[Edited on 6-6-2004 by ChristianasJourney] [/quote:e2a6b4560a]

Reply...

No Problem with either

[Edited on 6-6-2004 by Gregg]


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## luvroftheWord (Jun 6, 2004)

Here's my take on the issue.

First, there is nothing in Scripture prohibiting interracial marriages. So we need not invent any new laws against it, or we become legalists.

However, my own personal choice is not to marry someone of a different race just because racism is still widespread in America, and I do not want my children going to school or anywhere and being the butt of all sorts of verbal abuse because they are mixed. But that's my preference.


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## Scott Bushey (Jun 6, 2004)

Janice,
I believe the answer lies in what fuels your desires for yourself and children. For instance, God wants to give you the desire of your heart. Hence, if marrying within your social group, &quot;rings your bell&quot; and the other groups do not; so be it! It's preferential.

What fuels your desire for the childrens sake?


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## sailorswife (Jun 6, 2004)

I wouldn't have a problem with you saying you didn't want to marry out of your racial or ethnic groupbecause that is your preference for yourself.

As for as children go, I think they should be able to make up there own minds on who they want to marry. I know interracial marriage can sometimes be more difficult for a couple (and their children), which may be a parents reasoning for not wanting their children to marry outside their race, but every marriage has it's own difficulites and I don't think race should be a deciding factor. For my own children (though far from the marrying age) I just wish and pray that they marry godly people.

[Edited on 6-6-2004 by sailorswife]


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## Scott Bushey (Jun 6, 2004)

[quote:15abbfa5ae][i:15abbfa5ae]Originally posted by luvroftheWord[/i:15abbfa5ae]
Here's my take on the issue.

First, there is nothing in Scripture prohibiting interracial marriages. So we need not invent any new laws against it, or we become legalists.

However, my own personal choice is not to marry someone of a different race just because racism is still widespread in America, and I do not want my children going to school or anywhere and being the butt of all sorts of verbal abuse because they are mixed. But that's my preference. [/quote:15abbfa5ae]

Hi Craig,
One would wonder if believers are called to break down those illicit stereotypes? This does not mean to marry outside of your preferred social arena for the sake of making a point.......But if your desires were such, one should not shun the desires of their heart for fear of the world either!


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## lkjohnson (Jun 6, 2004)

I live in a multi-ethnic world. My church is primarily Spanish-speaking, first-generation immigrants from Mexico with a few from Central America. There are also have some anglos and a couple of inter-racial marriages. (One is an Hispanic man married to a Japanese woman. When they married he spoke no Japanese, she spoke no Spanish, and neither spoke very much English. I do not know how they survived those early years.)

Based on that experience, let me share a couple of thoughts. 

First, there is no biblical prohibition of inter-racial marriage as long as both are believers.

Second, while there is nothing wrong with inter-racial marriages, the couple must be prepared for an additional layer of difficulty in the marraged based on cultural differences. For example, one couple talks about how hard it was for the young lady at the first Christmas because she was used to turkey and dressing and his family ate traditional tamales and menudo, neither of which most Americans would find appealing. Think about the stress it places on a marriage when you go to your mother-in-law's house for the first Christmas and there is no running water, an outhouse for a toilet, a rope mattress, no Christmas tree, no elaborately wrapped gifts, and to top it all off, it's all you can do to sit at the table.

Furthermore, gender roles are very different in other cultures. Those from Hispanic, Middle Eastern, and Asian cultures have very different expectations. Even the old-fashioned American girl is more liberated than these cultures are comfortable with.

So, is it wrong? No. It is difficult, even risky? Absolutely.


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## Scot (Jun 6, 2004)

It makes me nervous when I hear someone say they wouldn't marry anyone outside their race. Usually, in my experience, there are underlying prejudices even though they don't admit it.

Craig,

If you raise your kids to stand for Christ, they will be the butt of all kinds of jokes as well. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. 

If you find a godly person of a different race, I don't see that as a reason for not marrying him/her. God has no problem with it, who cares what the world thinks?

In Christ,
Scot


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## Craig (Jun 6, 2004)

Hmmm. I would prefer a statement that says &quot;I'd prefer a spouse that must posses these biblical qualities&quot;.

One is naive to think that there are no obstacles with interracial marriage...but honestly, there are surprisingly LITTLE barriers when people are of a like mind. 

I had this &quot;sort of&quot; relationship with a young Christian lady (It was undefined....but both of us were certainly considering the other as potentially dating). 

The long and short of it is that it didn't work out. My theology changed and her's didn't. We BOTH grew apart as a result. NEITHER of us looked at eachother that way afterward. Guess it's that stodgy, cold hearted Calvinism 

It seems to me (in my experience in the Midwest) there is less division between race but there is more of a division between those choosing to live in poverty and those who choose a better work ethic. True, many are of a different race than myself that live in poverty, but they don't get along with and actually mock people of the same race who aren't in poverty or are zealous Christians. 

So: I would say I have a slight &quot;problem&quot; with the WAY you stated your preference (that's because it could lead one to think it's okay to be a racist).


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## FrozenChosen (Jun 6, 2004)

As many other people have said, there are no prohibitions to interracial marriage.

Other people have said that it will be extremely difficult because of cultural differences. I agree.

I am curious, Janice, as to your reasons. I'm not condemning anyone here for anything, I'm just curious.

Personally, I'd be fine with my children (if I have them) marrying interracially, because I can see myself doing it, if the girl is godly and a good match.


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## pastorway (Jun 6, 2004)

to Pastor Johnson's post

Phillip


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## ChristianasJourney (Jun 6, 2004)

A topic on another board got me to thinking about it...which brought up the question. But let me ask a more precise question...

Is it wrong to show racial preference in choosing a mate? Keep in mind, this isn't a good friend, but a life partner, the father or mother of all your descendants, the person you're going to be waking up next to the rest of your life, the human you're going to be sharing your body with?

Let's just say that a person wants to marry within their race so that their children and grandchildren look like them. Is that wrong?



[Edited on 6-7-2004 by ChristianasJourney]


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## ChristianasJourney (Jun 6, 2004)

[quote:ae1ea61fe9][i:ae1ea61fe9]Originally posted by Paul manata[/i:ae1ea61fe9]
[quote:ae1ea61fe9]
Is it wrong to show racial prejudice in choosing a mate? 
[/quote:ae1ea61fe9]

define &quot;predjudice?&quot; 

also, you can make your question more pointed: is it wrong to want a pretty wife and to discriminate on looks (of course the main point would be that they are Christian)? [/quote:ae1ea61fe9]

What do I mean? Hmm. While I changed &quot;predjudice&quot; to &quot;preference&quot; because I though it was more what I meant.


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## Scott Bushey (Jun 6, 2004)

Janice,
Preference is an issue of the heart.........if you prefer apples over oranges, this is not necessarily a prejudice.


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## Gregg (Jun 6, 2004)

[quote:b9a2cd15bd][i:b9a2cd15bd]Originally posted by ChristianasJourney[/i:b9a2cd15bd]
A topic on another board got me to thinking about it...which brought up the question. But let me ask a more precise question...

Is it wrong to show racial preference in choosing a mate? Keep in mind, this isn't a good friend, but a life partner, the father or mother of all your descendants, the person you're going to be waking up next to the rest of your life, the human you're going to be sharing your body with?

Let's just say that a person wants to marry within their race so that their children and grandchildren look like them. Is that wrong?



[Edited on 6-7-2004 by ChristianasJourney] [/quote:b9a2cd15bd]

Reply...

There is nothing wrong with wanting to marry within your race as long as your husband to be is a like minded believer.


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## Craig (Jun 6, 2004)

I agree with Paul here...preference is one thing...and even that could be dangerous.

I may prefer a thin woman. I may prefer that A LOT. I'm a married man and I imagine there is a possibility my wife won't look the same, say 5 years from now. While race is something that doesn't change, I think this is a viable analogy. We need to be ready for who God brings to us. If, God forbid, I'm in a car accident and am burnt severely, my wife may not prefer I look that way...I sure hope she'd get over it, thoug


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## king of fools (Jun 6, 2004)

Ken Ham has a great message on Sermon Audio in which he labors that races really don't exist.

It's Genesis and the Orgin of Races:
http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=32201114820

:wr50:


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## bockman (Jun 6, 2004)

[quote:37eaaed2a1]
Let's just say that a person wants to marry within their race so that their children and grandchildren look like them. Is that wrong? 
[/quote:37eaaed2a1]

I don't know if wrong so much as superficial or silly. Think Paul m hit the nail on the head. It seems like simply discrimination based on looks which is something we can safely say we all do, but doesn't make it right. 


By the time a persons in a position to think about marriage with another person their prospective partners looks are not the main consideration generally. When you love someone you tend to overlook those outward things or idealize them. I think we need to caution against being ruled by our personal prejudices lest we miss out on something wonderful. Adults generally realise they don't always get their way in this world so are able to accept what might not be their Preference. But predjudice goes beyond preference.

Like everyone I have certain physical preferences for the opposite sex that seem to be very important to me. Boy, how I would have I missed out if I had let them determine my wife.

[quote:37eaaed2a1]
If you raise your kids to stand for Christ, they will be the butt of all kinds of jokes as well. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. 
[/quote:37eaaed2a1]

Great point Scot. It's common sense we avoid uncomfortable situations, but if something is important to us (like our love for Christ or another person) we are willing to endure.

[Edited on 6-7-2004 by bockman]

[Edited on 6-7-2004 by bockman]


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## alwaysreforming (Jun 6, 2004)

I certainly don't want to take on a &quot;holier than thou&quot; attitude, but I have a slight problem with someone dogmatically saying that they wouldn't want to marry someone outside their own race.

We should be judging the person, period; not the race. Now you may typically find only a VERY small minority of the people outside of your own race attractive, and in that case, you may feel that, in general, you just aren't attracted to other races. But someone could come along of a different race and could somehow be very attractive to you, and may make a wonderful godly spouse. If such is the case, to dismiss this person simply because of being a different race would, in my opinion, point to a problem.

Whom to marry is your preference, and its certainly based on a myriad of factors; but whom NOT to marry, if its based strictly on race (which the question defines), would tend to paint that person with racism, however slight. 

Just my :wr50: 

[size=9:00a61ba995](See, Mary, I'm still posting every now and then...)[/size:00a61ba995]


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## Puritan Sailor (Jun 6, 2004)

[quote:863fdb719f][i:863fdb719f]Originally posted by king of fools[/i:863fdb719f]
Ken Ham has a great message on Sermon Audio in which he labors that races really don't exist.

It's Genesis and the Orgin of Races:
http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=32201114820

:wr50: [/quote:863fdb719f]
Right on Steve. Let's get this discussin clarified. Biblically, there is no such thing as different races becasue we are all human. Hence, there is no such thing as inter-racial dating. The beief in different races is a Darwinian influence upon our culture I believe. What we are really talking about is inter-cultural dating. It's important to realize that distinction.


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## lkjohnson (Jun 7, 2004)

Some talk about prejudices. Some talk about preferences. In this discussion it is a case of you say tomato, I say tomoto.

While it is true that spiritually the races are the same before God, to deny that there are races and racial/cultural differences is just taking political correctness to its illogical conclusion. All races are equal before God. All are condemned by sin and saved by Christ's blood. There is no doubt about any of that. Physical, cultural, and idealogical differences do exist, however, and we cannot ignore that.

Something to remember in this discussion is that we ALL have our prejudices about something. It might be race. It might be socio-economic. It might be toward fat people, lawyers, entertainers, garbage collectors, illegal immigrants, or anything else. The fact remains that we ALL have some type of prejudices. The issue is not whether we have those prejudices, but what we do with them. We can either act upon our prejudices and treat those people unkindly, or we can recognize our own prejudice and let God determine our actions based upon his love in spite of our human nature.

We might have a prejudice against a certain group for whatever reason, but that does not mean we must act upon that prejudice. Frankly, I have a strong prejudice again homosexual men. I recognize that prejudice. However, in spite of that prejudice I do not physically assalt them or even deal unkindly with a co-worker who is gay. (Before anyone starts, I know homosexuality is a sin, but it is God's responsibility to deal with him, not mine. I only live for Christ and share his gospel even with the gay co-worker. This thread is not about homosexuality.)

To be human is to have some type of prejudice. Those who tell me they do not are living in denial. It is as much a part of human nature as selfishness and envy, and as such is a matter to put before God on a regular basis.


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## Ianterrell (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:e45b57328e][i:e45b57328e]Originally posted by puritansailor[/i:e45b57328e]
[quote:e45b57328e][i:e45b57328e]Originally posted by king of fools[/i:e45b57328e]
Ken Ham has a great message on Sermon Audio in which he labors that races really don't exist.

It's Genesis and the Orgin of Races:
http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=32201114820

:wr50: [/quote:e45b57328e]
Right on Steve. Let's get this discussin clarified. Biblically, there is no such thing as different races becasue we are all human. Hence, there is no such thing as inter-racial dating. The beief in different races is a Darwinian influence upon our culture I believe. What we are really talking about is inter-cultural dating. It's important to realize that distinction. [/quote:e45b57328e]


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## Ianterrell (Jun 7, 2004)

Pastor Johnson makes a good point. Prejudice is something we all have. I struggle with it too. I don't want to excuse it just because we all have it though. My prejudices, or preferences, if they do not line up with scripture are wrong. God doesn't seem to favor people based on color so I try to resist this urge as well. We are all image-bearers, every ethnic group. 

I don't like the standard of beauty that I have in my head. I suspect that it isn't a reflection of God's thoughts as I peruse his word.


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## AnonymousRex (Jun 7, 2004)

While I do not have anything against interracial marriage, those of the &quot;White Nationalist&quot; community who profess Christianity may point out that since it was God's intention to create different races of men (and they would probably refer to the tenth chapter of Genesis in order to prove this), it would thus be sinful for one race to breed with another, as that would destroy the God-ordained distinctiveness.

AnonRex


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## matt01 (Jun 7, 2004)

Being that I am in a so-called interracial marriage, I find the question amusing. I didn't set out to marry an Asian. Nor was I looking for a Caucasian (such as myself). I met my wife, we became friends and fell in love-race never really came up. 

We did acknowledge that there were differences, and that our children would be "mixed" but this was of no real concern. All men come from one man; we are all of the same stock. I would also recommend Ham's talk on the subject...

Don't look to marry within your own race. Look to marry whom God would have you with. If you do this, you won't need to worry.


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## Puritan Sailor (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:22bbbd1842]
While I do not have anything against interracial marriage, those of the &quot;White Nationalist&quot; community who profess Christianity may point out that since it was God's intention to create different races of men (and they would probably refer to the tenth chapter of Genesis in order to prove this), it would thus be sinful for one race to breed with another, as that would destroy the God-ordained distinctiveness. 
[/quote:22bbbd1842]
I don't think the Bible is teaching that there must be different races in this chapter. I don't think it teaches it anywhere. It is showing where people spread to geographically, and does give a little historical background into some of Israel's future enemies. Ken Ham's lecture on racism is excellent. I recommend it too. Biblically and scientifically, there are not different races but one human race. Skin color is just one minor genetic trait difference among many, just like hair and eye color. The real differences are in culture. And that is the only obstacle in an intercultural relationship. There is only one main culture related command in Scripture regarding marriage, and that is that a beliver must marry another believer, not an unbeliver.


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## sastark (Jun 7, 2004)

oh.....my....goodness


Brothers and sisters, I apologize ahead of time if I get a little out of control in this post, but I can NOT believe some of what I've read.

God seperates all mankind into two groups: Elect and nonelect. ANY OTHER DISTICTION IS UNBIBLICAL. PERIOD!

Is it wrong to want to marry some one of the same race? Well, let's consider a practical application. Let's same Miss Jane Doe is a white, Reformed Christian girl of the marrying age. She has two men interested in her. One is a white Reformed Male, the other a Black Reformed Male. They are exactly the same, except for skin color. Now, is there anything wrong with Jane saying, &quot;I will marry the white one, because he is white. I will not marry the black one because he is black.&quot; DO YOU NOT SEE A PROBLEM HERE? Does this not smack of racism (which is simply man hating his neighbor because of the color of his skin)??

Race should never be a factor for a Christian. EVER!!!!

I am white. My wife is Hispanic (born in Chile). I had NO idea that God wanted me to marry a Hispanic woman. But you know what? When I look at her, I do not see a Chilean woman. I see a Christian. When I look at my black Christian friends, I do not see blacks. I see Christians. When I look at my Asian Christian friends, I do not see Asians. I see Christians.

Brothers, I am not trying to toot my own horn here. Believe me, I have my own set of problems. I am honestly angry for the first time ever after reading something on this board. The idead that it is ok to discriminate against some one on the basis of the color of their skin is disgusting. I feel sick. 

If only we were all born color blind.....


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## Ianterrell (Jun 7, 2004)

[b:16f6b7d389]Good post Seth[/b:16f6b7d389]

We should always aim to think biblically. 

Someone stated that there would be problems involved in dealing with the spouse's parents. 

My response: This is true if the in-laws are racists.

Someone stated that the mixed kids would be made fun of. 

My response: This will be true of all children. Kids are dumb. 

.

[Edited on 6-7-2004 by Ianterrell]


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## Gregg (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:830e6edbfb][i:830e6edbfb]Originally posted by sastark[/i:830e6edbfb]


Brothers, I am not trying to toot my own horn here. Believe me, I have my own set of problems. I am honestly angry for the first time ever after reading something on this board. The idead that it is ok to discriminate against some one on the basis of the color of their skin is disgusting. I feel sick. 

If only we were all born color blind..... [/quote:830e6edbfb]

Reply...

I don't think anybody here is discriminating against anyone. If they prefer to marry within their own race, it is simply their preference.


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## Ianterrell (Jun 7, 2004)

Gregg what's the difference between favoring one &quot;race&quot; over another, and discrimination?


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## sastark (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:54faf5b069][i:54faf5b069]Originally posted by Ianterrell[/i:54faf5b069]
[b:54faf5b069]Good post Seth[/b:54faf5b069]

We should always aim to think biblically. 

Someone stated that there would be problems involved in dealing with the spouse's parents. 

My response: This is true if the in-laws are racists.

Someone stated that the mixed kids would be made fun of. 

My response: This will be true of all children. Kids are dumb. 

.

[Edited on 6-7-2004 by Ianterrell] [/quote:54faf5b069]

Ian,

Your post would be funny, if it weren't so true.


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## kceaster (Jun 7, 2004)

*I am a racist....*

Now that I have everyone's attention, I prefer my sons to marry a girl from a family we're in covenant with. I don't care what color skin or nationality. Oneness in Christ is all we're after.

We prefer the race of Christianity. If the girl's family is running the race we're running, she's the same race as we are.

Is that equivocation? 

We have to be in covenant, though. That's what we're telling our boys.

In Christ,

KC


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## Gregg (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:0ad5f4cc11][i:0ad5f4cc11]Originally posted by Ianterrell[/i:0ad5f4cc11]
Gregg what's the difference between favoring one &quot;race&quot; over another, and discrimination? [/quote:0ad5f4cc11]

Reply...

Favoring their own race (in your words) or preference( in my words)is simply choice based on their preference.

Discrimination is choice based on false sterotyping or unfair prejudice against a certain race (which is not the case here at all).


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## Me Died Blue (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:77fbfe9c91][i:77fbfe9c91]Originally posted by sastark[/i:77fbfe9c91]
God seperates all mankind into two groups: Elect and nonelect. ANY OTHER DISTICTION IS UNBIBLICAL. PERIOD...When I look at her, I do not see a Chilean woman. I see a Christian. When I look at my black Christian friends, I do not see blacks. I see Christians. When I look at my Asian Christian friends, I do not see Asians. I see Christians.[/quote:77fbfe9c91]

I disagree, Seth. The biblical answer to racism is [i:77fbfe9c91]not[/i:77fbfe9c91] to [i:77fbfe9c91]deny[/i:77fbfe9c91] the distinctions and differences - but to [i:77fbfe9c91]embrace[/i:77fbfe9c91] them! There [i:77fbfe9c91]are[/i:77fbfe9c91] significant differences God created the different races and ethnicities with, and He created those distinctions for His glory, otherwise He would not have created physiologically different races at all. You say, &quot;If only we were all born color blind.&quot; I actually see this as a slap in God's face. We need to answer the world's sick racism, [i:77fbfe9c91]not[/i:77fbfe9c91] by [i:77fbfe9c91]denying[/i:77fbfe9c91] the significant differences and [i:77fbfe9c91]ceasing[/i:77fbfe9c91] to make distinctions, but by [i:77fbfe9c91]celebrating[/i:77fbfe9c91] those distinctions.

That being said, as to your original questions Janice, to #1 I would say that it is not sinful to want to marry someone within your own race , [i:77fbfe9c91]if[/i:77fbfe9c91] physical attraction is the only thing warranting that desire. If your reasoning goes beyond that, I would suspect that it probably has some subtle racist roots. As to question #2, I would actually say that yes, it is wrong for you to desire and hope that your children marry someone within their own ethnic group, since (as I said to question #1) physical attraction is the only justifiable cause I see for not wanting it, and physical attraction is one issue that (unlike, say, religion) is solely up to your kids, and does not play a part in your own approval of their spouse.

In Christ,


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## bockman (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:dd09dd80b7]
Someone stated that there would be problems involved in dealing with the spouse's parents. 

My response: This is true if the in-laws are racists. [/quote:dd09dd80b7]

Actually there are many practical considerations that differ in each relationship and depending on the two cultures in question as to why an inter-ratial marriage causes more problems or difficulties. 
(for instance my father-in-law who speaks no English is living with us and I speak no Chinese, my wife and I have different views on family responsability and independance and the managing of money that has cultural roots, etc) But although there are some considerations, and a person should know what they're getting themselves into, it doesn't seem logical to, from the outset , bar yourself from considering marriage with another culture because of these things unless you're actually in the circumstance and can see that the difficulties you will face in the relationship because of the cultural difficulties are insurmountable. 
But not wanting inter-ratial marriage for fear of the children's looks ....yeesh, I don't know what to say without sounding like a jerk...


[quote:dd09dd80b7]
I disagree, Seth. The biblical answer to racism is not to deny the distinctions and differences - but to embrace them! 
[/quote:dd09dd80b7]

Yes! wonderfully said.

[Edited on 6-7-2004 by bockman]


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## sastark (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:544a459101][i:544a459101]Originally posted by Me Died Blue[/i:544a459101]
I disagree, Seth. The biblical answer to racism is [i:544a459101]not[/i:544a459101] to [i:544a459101]deny[/i:544a459101] the distinctions and differences - but to [i:544a459101]embrace[/i:544a459101] them! There [i:544a459101]are[/i:544a459101] significant differences God created the different races and ethnicities with, and He created those distinctions for His glory, otherwise He would not have created physiologically different races at all. You say, &quot;If only we were all born color blind.&quot; I actually see this as a slap in God's face. We need to answer the world's sick racism, [i:544a459101]not[/i:544a459101] by [i:544a459101]denying[/i:544a459101] the significant differences and [i:544a459101]ceasing[/i:544a459101] to make distinctions, but by [i:544a459101]celebrating[/i:544a459101] those distinctions.
[/quote:544a459101]

Chris,

If you want to embrace cultural differences, fine. I love learning about new cultures. But, culture and race are [b:544a459101]two different issues[/b:544a459101]. I can be as white as a ghost and not have any sense of European and/or American Culture. My brother is currently living in Osaka, Japan. He has embraced Japanese culture. He is white. His plan is to live in Japan for the rest of his life. 50 years from now, will he be white or will he be Japanese? I say the later. He may have European/American DNA, but he will be more Japanese than American. 

So, when some one asks, Is it wrong to want to marry some one in my own race? My answer is yes! Especially in America where there are so many christians of different races! True, there are cultural differences here in the US between black, white, asian, hipanic, eastern european (which we have a lot of in Sacramento), american indian, etc. But if we are all Christians, then there is neither Jew nor Greek. Marrying into a Christian Culture is what we ought to be concerned with. Not the color of our spouse's skin.


I also see the beauty in God's creation of different skin colors (&quot;By God's design, we are a skin kalidescope&quot. We shouldn't ignore God's beautiful creation. We should learn to love it. I'm wondering if I am the one slapping God in the face, or if the person unwilling and unable to love a black man is the one slapping God in the face?


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## Ianterrell (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:cf89702a05][i:cf89702a05]Originally posted by bockman[/i:cf89702a05]
[quote:cf89702a05]
Someone stated that there would be problems involved in dealing with the spouse's parents. 

My response: This is true if the in-laws are racists. [/quote:cf89702a05]

Actually there are many practical considerations that differ in each relationship and depending on the two cultures in question as to why an inter-ratial marriage causes more problems or difficulties. 
(for instance my father-in-law who speaks no English is living with us and I speak no Chinese, my wife and I have different views on family responsability and independance and the managing of money that has cultural roots, etc) But although there are some considerations, and a person should know what they're getting themselves into, it doesn't seem logical to, from the outset , bar yourself from considering marriage with another culture because of these things unless you're actually in the circumstance and can see that the difficulties you will face in the relationship because of the cultural difficulties are insurmountable. 
But not wanting inter-ratial marriage for fear of the children's looks ....yeesh, I don't know what to say without sounding like a jerk... [/quote:cf89702a05]

Darren good point. I was being over-simplistic. There are things to seriously consider like language barriers. But when we are speaking of Americanized ethnic groups were there are no such language/cultural barriers why should there be a preference that is clearly only superficial! The question Janice posed was essentially about appearances. I think that question is obviously just terrible to entertain. It's wrong to say to your kids don't marry kids who have curly hair, look for a kid with nice blue eyes etc. What scriptural grounds do we have for justifying ethnic preferences? No one's brought up a biblical support for such an idea yet.


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## bockman (Jun 7, 2004)

Seth, it sounds like your brother is 'embracing differences'. It's very important to understand what makes people different and to appreciate these things. Not pretend they don't exsist for the sake of the current PC view of tollerance and equality.


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## a (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:26a46ecbba][i:26a46ecbba]Originally posted by lkjohnson[/i:26a46ecbba]
I live in a multi-ethnic world. My church is primarily Spanish-speaking, first-generation immigrants from Mexico with a few from Central America. There are also have some anglos and a couple of inter-racial marriages. (One is an Hispanic man married to a Japanese woman. When they married he spoke no Japanese, she spoke no Spanish, and neither spoke very much English. I do not know how they survived those early years.)

Based on that experience, let me share a couple of thoughts. 

First, there is no biblical prohibition of inter-racial marriage as long as both are believers.

Second, while there is nothing wrong with inter-racial marriages, the couple must be prepared for an additional layer of difficulty in the marraged based on cultural differences. For example, one couple talks about how hard it was for the young lady at the first Christmas because she was used to turkey and dressing and his family ate traditional tamales and menudo, neither of which most Americans would find appealing. Think about the stress it places on a marriage when you go to your mother-in-law's house for the first Christmas and there is no running water, an outhouse for a toilet, a rope mattress, no Christmas tree, no elaborately wrapped gifts, and to top it all off, it's all you can do to sit at the table.

Furthermore, gender roles are very different in other cultures. Those from Hispanic, Middle Eastern, and Asian cultures have very different expectations. Even the old-fashioned American girl is more liberated than these cultures are comfortable with.

So, is it wrong? No. It is difficult, even risky? Absolutely. [/quote:26a46ecbba]


I think you are being stereotypical in your assumptions. is it possible? - yes... but i would not say it's an absolute... you are being too generic, i think...

my wife is from korea... her family is very accepting of me... they don't live in primitive huts... they have running water... they even own several automobiles... my family is equally accepting of her... i couldn't imagine finding another female on the face of the planet that is as wonderful as my wife...

i know so many same-race couples who have hard marriages, difficult times, etc... and i would wager that my marriage is much less &quot;effort&quot; than theirs...

i grew up in the south, in/near racist communities, so i have the authority to say this... i think some of you have some prejudices or some kind of pride motivating your opinions in this case... i don't mean this in a judgemental way, but i think some of your arguments are straw-man args... such as being the butt end of jokes... 

anyway, that's my two-cents, my soapbox, and my can of worms...

love in Christ!
ace


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## sastark (Jun 7, 2004)

Let me elaborate a little on the difference between race and culture.

In America we have people of African descent. They do not eat the same food as Africans in Africa. They do not dance the same dances. They do not speak the same languages.

I am of German ancestry. I do not speak German. I am not Lutheran. I do not eat German food. I do not know a sinlge German folkloric song or dance. I do not worship Odin.

Racially, I am European. Culturally I am Christian first, American second.

Racially, Blacks are African. Culturally, those who are saved are Christian first, American second.

So, is it wrong to discriminate against some one solely on the basis of the color of their skin? Yes! Because they are either Christians or not Christians. What other distinction is there to make when considering who to marry? 

Are you worried about living with a slightly different culture? Do you really think there is some one out there 100% like you? Same habits? Same quirks? Same annoying tendecies? I hate to be the one to break it to you, but AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. And you know the only way you can actually live with some one who [b:5e90dd134f]is[/b:5e90dd134f] that different from you? By daily showing Christ's love in your life. Without his love, we would never get along with any one, let alone a person we will have to spend the rest of our lives with.

Stop worrying about cultural differences. Love your neighbor. Are you treating your neighbor differently because of the color of his/her skin? Repent and love your neighbor.

&quot;Beloved, let us love one another.&quot;


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## sastark (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:e87f9feb1c][i:e87f9feb1c]Originally posted by bockman[/i:e87f9feb1c]
Seth, it sounds like your brother is 'embracing differences'. It's very important to understand what makes people different and to appreciate these things. Not pretend they don't exsist for the sake of the current PC view of tollerance and equality. [/quote:e87f9feb1c]

Darren,

I'm not sure if you meant that my view is politically correct or not. Let me assure you, it isn't. Why? Because I believe Christians should marry only Christians. I do discriminate. Just not on the basis of race.

As Christians we ought to &quot;tolerate&quot; other races. More than that, we ought to love them! The question was originally concerning marriage. It is wrong to determine who you will marry on the basis of race. And, in a Christian's eyes, we should not discriminate on the basis of race. Either in marriage, in friendship, in evangelism, ever. Skin color really does not matter for the Christian. 

&quot;There is niether Jew nor Greek&quot; - What does that mean?


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## bockman (Jun 7, 2004)

Hi Seth, I was speaking generally and actually wasn't quite sure of what you were saying. All of us are influenced somehow or other by PC ideas these days, but I'd imagine this board if any should be a respite from many popularly held worldy views which is really nice.

Some say 'embrace differences', others 'theres no differences'...probably just speaking past eachother because of the nuances of our intent.


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## Me Died Blue (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:13f161576e][i:13f161576e]Originally posted by sastark[/i:13f161576e]
So, when some one asks, Is it wrong to want to marry some one in my own race? My answer is yes! Especially in America where there are so many christians of different races! True, there are cultural differences here in the US between black, white, asian, hipanic, eastern european (which we have a lot of in Sacramento), american indian, etc. But if we are all Christians, then there is neither Jew nor Greek. Marrying into a Christian Culture is what we ought to be concerned with. Not the color of our spouse's skin.[/quote:13f161576e]

Would you agree, however, that it [i:13f161576e]is[/i:13f161576e] justifiable to want to marry someone in your own race [i:13f161576e]if[/i:13f161576e] physical attraction is your only reason?

[quote:13f161576e][i:13f161576e]Originally posted by sastark[/i:13f161576e]
I also see the beauty in God's creation of different skin colors (&quot;By God's design, we are a skin kalidescope&quot. We shouldn't ignore God's beautiful creation. We should learn to love it. I'm wondering if I am the one slapping God in the face, or if the person unwilling and unable to love a black man is the one slapping God in the face? [/quote:13f161576e]

I only viewed your comments as a slap in God's face when they seemed to be implying that we should ignore racial differences altogether (such as the &quot;color blind&quot; issue). But because of what you say above, I see that you did not mean that.

In Christ,


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## sastark (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:ac14076935][i:ac14076935]Originally posted by Me Died Blue[/i:ac14076935]
Would you agree, however, that it [i:ac14076935]is[/i:ac14076935] justifiable to want to marry someone in your own race [i:ac14076935]if[/i:ac14076935] physical attraction is your only reason? 
[/quote:ac14076935]

You want my honest opinion? Read Proverbs 31:30 - [i:ac14076935]&quot;Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.&quot;[/i:ac14076935]

If beauty is really that big of a deal for you (and I say this lovingly, not condesendingly), you need to mature a little. Get past it. A God fearing woman's worth is far above rubies (Prov. 31:10). 

Sure, every guy wants a super-model wife. But is it right to want that? Do we really have our priorities straight? Not according to God's Word. 

[quote:ac14076935]
I only viewed your comments as a slap in God's face when they seemed to be implying that we should ignore racial differences altogether (such as the &quot;color blind&quot; issue). But because of what you say above, I see that you did not mean that.

In Christ, [/quote:ac14076935]

Cool. 

[Edited on 6-7-2004 by sastark]


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## sastark (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:f0bfde1b37][i:f0bfde1b37]Originally posted by bockman[/i:f0bfde1b37]
Some say 'embrace differences', others 'theres no differences'...probably just speaking past eachother because of the nuances of our intent. [/quote:f0bfde1b37]

I suspect as much.


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## Me Died Blue (Jun 7, 2004)

[quote:074df13629][i:074df13629]Originally posted by sastark[/i:074df13629]
You want my honest opinion? Read Proverbs 31:30 - [i:074df13629]&quot;Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.&quot;[/i:074df13629][/quote:074df13629]

Of course beauty is passing - just like food, wine, humor, etc. But does that mean we should ignore such things, and never aim to enjoy them? Certainly not. It is passing, but God nonetheless created it for His glory - and the language of Song of Solomon, though metaphorical for Christ and the Church, clearly shows that. So while it should not be given too high a priority--just as good food should not, lest we become gluttonous idolators--it is to be enjoyed in its proper place to God's glory.

[quote:074df13629][i:074df13629]Originally posted by sastark[/i:074df13629]
If beauty is really that big of a deal for you (and I say this lovingly, not condesendingly), you need to mature a little. Get past it. A God fearing woman's worth is far above rubies (Prov. 31:10). 

Sure, every guy wants a super-model wife. But is it right to want that? Do we really have our priorities straight? Not according to God's Word.[/quote:074df13629]

I never said it was a [i:074df13629]big[/i:074df13629] deal for me, or that it is comparatively high on my list of priorities in a wife. I simply said it is [i:074df13629]one[/i:074df13629] of the factors to rightly be considered - otherwise God would not have created it. Does putting too much weight on it offset our biblical priorities? Absolutely. But does putting [i:074df13629]some[/i:074df13629] value on it offset our biblical priorities? I hardly think so.

BTW, if you want to keep discussing this (which I welcome), either U2U me or start a new thread, since we don't want to get off topic too much in this thread.

[Edited on 6-7-2004 by Me Died Blue]


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## sastark (Jun 7, 2004)

Chris,

I think we pretty much agree. I see nothing wrong with marrying a beautiful wife (mine is!), as long as that is not our #1 priority.

Does that sound agreeable?


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## Me Died Blue (Jun 7, 2004)

Definitely. And the reason I mentioned it in the first place when talking about the sinfulness of specifically wanting to be married to someone of the same race was because if beauty was the [i:549fb7df0c]only[/i:549fb7df0c] difference between two women of different race who equally feared God, I would then and only then see skin color as a justifiable thing to decide on. But really, that's more of a hypothetical musing for the sake of making a theoretical point anyway, since such a situation could hardly ever occur in real life, wherein [i:549fb7df0c]all[/i:549fb7df0c] other factors were the same. So heck, since it could never really even apply, maybe I shouldn't have used it as a theoretical example in the first place. In any case, it seems that we're agreed.


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## Mary (Jun 7, 2004)

Wow, Janice! Quite the controversial thread! Kudos!

Mary


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## Mary (Jun 7, 2004)

OK, I have thought and thought about this, and as much as I don't want to ask this question (because if I am bad at ONE more thing today...)

However, I can't stop thinking about it, so here goes: (disclaimer: theological pygmy speaking)

If God is sovereign in ALL areas of our lives,
and God IS color-blind,
what does MY racial preference have to do with anything?

What I mean is: if God wants me to marry a black man,
who am I to say no? Unless we're saying that God has no control over our love lives...are we?


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## a (Jun 8, 2004)

[quote:c308455d71][i:c308455d71]Originally posted by joshua[/i:c308455d71]
[quote:c308455d71][i:c308455d71]Originally posted by ace[/i:c308455d71]
i know so many same-race couples who have hard marriages, difficult times, etc... and i would wager that my marriage is much less &quot;effort&quot; than theirs...

i grew up in the south, in/near racist communities, so i have the authority to say this... i think some of you have some prejudices or some kind of pride motivating your opinions in this case... i don't mean this in a judgemental way, but i think some of your arguments are straw-man args... such as being the butt end of jokes... 

anyway, that's my two-cents, my soapbox, and my can of worms...

love in Christ!
ace [/quote:c308455d71]

I think you're a hater!  [/quote:c308455d71]


hey, you're the one who lived in Fouke! hahaha



[Edited on 6-8-2004 by ace]


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## bockman (Jun 8, 2004)

[quote:4d240e211b]
If God is sovereign in ALL areas of our lives, 
and God IS color-blind, 
what does MY racial preference have to do with anything? 
[/quote:4d240e211b]

a pygmy eh?...neat-o, I'm a midget!

I don't know that God is colour blind. He put the colour there in the first place. But I know what you mean...

I don't know if it makes sense but God's sovereignty does not negate who we are, and His sovereignty is manifest in who we are. So if God wants you to marry someone of another ethnicity, either you wouldnt be saying no, or circumstance would work in a fashion that you found yourself strangely attracted to someone you hadnt' considered before. In either case it's not something I'd worry about. It's like those who say if Gods in control of bringing His own to Christ then why do we need to evangelize?


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## pelos (Jun 9, 2004)

Isn't it included in Ham's lecture that we weren't &quot;created&quot; with different skin color, but rather &quot;adapted&quot; to it? I know in the book &quot;One Blood&quot; by Ham he addresses it.

As Americans, we have been trained that it is skin color that is to be sorted into segments of society. But in other countries, skin color is generally not the issue. This same discussion could be had in other parts of the world (non english speaking) and we could be talking about the size of a persons feet, or the width of their hips (thank GOODNESS that's not the case, here) or the color of their eyes. America has done two things that are so very shameful in regards to discrimination. You need to be of a certain color and you need to be a 7 or better on the &quot;thin and pretty&quot; scale. Racism is taught, it is not natural.

As far as cultural differences go, I might as well have married someone from a different country. We are a happily married couple, now...but it took the first 7 or 8 years of our marriage to figure that out. He is from the smallest town in the Ozarks and I'm from a large city. The differences when we go back to his home town are HUGE! We both find it hard to adapt to the &quot;Women cook, men eat&quot; mentality. The first time his family saw him change a diaper, they all about had heart attacks, and then were so ashamed. That's not man's work! HA!

Does it matter what color the skin is? I say no. In fact, how would a blind person ever know unless someone told them.


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## Ianterrell (Jun 9, 2004)

[quote:a82e1f1656][i:a82e1f1656]Originally posted by joshua[/i:a82e1f1656]
[quote:a82e1f1656][i:a82e1f1656]Originally posted by Ianterrell[/i:a82e1f1656]
Someone stated that the mixed kids would be made fun of. 

My response: This will be true of all children. Kids are dumb. 

[/quote:a82e1f1656]

I'm ashamed for laughing at this! ha! [/quote:a82e1f1656]

That's fine. I thought it was kind of funny too. Funny hoho, not funny haha.


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## bockman (Jun 9, 2004)

[quote:faaf2eb046]
He is from the smallest town in the Ozarks and I'm from a large city. 
[/quote:faaf2eb046]

That has the makings of a great telivision sit-com...you should pitch it to NBC.

...wait, I think there already was one...


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## 9:9 (Jun 9, 2004)

I think the idea of cultural prejudice towards inter-racial couples is really overrated - and I live in the South!

I have known/been around couples of all sorts of different racial mixtures and have not noticed any sort of apparent prejudice towards them in public. Moreover, I have personally been in several inter-racial relationships and have noticed nothing more offense than maybe an older person doing a quick doble-take.


I have a Daughter and a Son, and I would gladly have them marry a person of ANY race, so long as they are a Godly man/woman. I don't care if my daughter/son marries a black, white, yellow, green or purple person - so long as he/she fits (or is aspiring to fit) the criteria outlined in Scripture for a Christian husband/wife.

In my opinion, a racial preference is a superficial one. 
&quot;I want my husband/wife to be tall/short/muscular/slender/dark or fair haired... etc.&quot;

If you have a preference towards an ideal, that is perfectly fine. Growing up, I always desired a dark featured gypsy-type woman. I ended up marrying a fair-haired, blue-eyed woman of Scandinavian descent.

Preference is fine, prejudice is sinful.


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## Covenant Joel (Nov 12, 2006)

*bump*

I've read through people's comments (from a long while ago), but wonder if anyone has any comments more specifically related to the kids of interracial marriages. Especially in a black/white marriage. Do you think that is hard on the kids in some way? And if so, should that be any reason to not be in favor of such a marriage?


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## Puritan Sailor (Nov 12, 2006)

Covenant Joel said:


> *bump*
> 
> I've read through people's comments (from a long while ago), but wonder if anyone has any comments more specifically related to the kids of interracial marriages. Especially in a black/white marriage. Do you think that is hard on the kids in some way? And if so, should that be any reason to not be in favor of such a marriage?



I would refer you back to Ian Terrel's post above. Kids will be made fun of no matter what. You must teach them how to act Christ-like in the face of affliction, no matter what form it takes. And there is no such thing as inter-racial marriage. The pigment of your skin should never matter. If your potential partner is godly, that is all that is required. If the world is racist, then it is their loss. We must show them that Christ has broken down those walls of division.


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## Covenant Joel (Nov 14, 2006)

Puritan Sailor said:


> I would refer you back to Ian Terrel's post above. Kids will be made fun of no matter what. You must teach them how to act Christ-like in the face of affliction, no matter what form it takes. And there is no such thing as inter-racial marriage. The pigment of your skin should never matter. If your potential partner is godly, that is all that is required. If the world is racist, then it is their loss. We must show them that Christ has broken down those walls of division.



Thanks for the thoughts. It seems to me that the way this is handled is with a healthy emphasis on the church as the community of God's people and teaching children (of any ethnic descent) to find their identity in the people of God, as that is who they are in Christ. I found a great article by Piper on the subject. His position is that interracial marriage should be embraced, not just "allowed," a position that seems to have a great deal of weight to me.


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## Answerman (Nov 14, 2006)

I like to use the term people groups instead of race, since ever since darwin, it carries the connotation of some "races" are higher evolved than others. The only "races" that the Bible describes are believers and unbelievers, so the only race believers should marry are the race of unbelievers.

BTY, I am Scotch Irish and I married a Korean woman, and I don't think my bias gets in the way of my exegesis on this point.


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## Me Died Blue (Apr 15, 2007)

Covenant Joel said:


> Thanks for the thoughts. It seems to me that the way this is handled is with a healthy emphasis on the church as the community of God's people and teaching children (of any ethnic descent) to find their identity in the people of God, as that is who they are in Christ. I found a great article by Piper on the subject. His position is that interracial marriage should be embraced, not just "allowed," a position that seems to have a great deal of weight to me.



That's a great sermon - especially if you watch it in the video format, and hear and see more of the nuances in the points Piper makes. His poem (based on Numbers 12) he mentioned near the end of the sermon is very well-done and thought-provoking as well, even from the opening line: "My God, Moses, the girl is black!"


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