# Helping your kids not become or remain shy



## Pergamum (Feb 6, 2011)

Any advice on how to break kids out of shyness?



The majority of our time now is village-based (i.e., remote and no other western kids). 

Now when we come out to the coast Noah is sometimes shy around around play groups of kids.


This month, Teresa and Alethea were sick and we are delayed here on the coast for another 2 weeks... so are trying to engage in some social activities with other expats.

Tonight Noah wanted to go play soccer with other small kids (expat kids). But then, due to social worries, quickly changed his mind in mid-route and wanted to go home. He didn't know enough of the other kids due to our time spent interior. 

I took him anyway and sat with him until he worked up the courage to play. 

At first, he hugged me and put his face in my shirt and watched from afar (almost close to tears), I couldn't even get him to sit by himself, he kept shielding his face in my shirt...

I thought about detaching him forcefully but figured a gentler approach was better.

.... finally, the soccer ball came near him and he jumped up and started playing....sort of like he wanted to play but was nervous to start and wanted a way to jump into the game inobtrusively. 

After he began to play, he did very well and the other parents were very good to clap and cheer him on and these other parents seemed happy because several of them seemed to have noticed our "situation" when we entered the playing area and they did well to congratulate Noah after the soccer was over.


This is very painful for me to see his shyness. And very embarrassing to have such a little situation in public (having your 6-year old son insist on sitting with his face buried in your shirt due to shyness for 15 minutes) when all the other kids are playing just fine.


He is ill at ease in social settings with strangers now (started last year). 

I try to gently push him to engage, but not sure how much gentleness is best. I refused to take him back home but took him to the soccer game and let him sit quietly by me until he worked up his nerves. 

He is a gentle little soul and I want to appreciate that and he is very nice and sensitive to other kids, but this also makes him socially hesitant and shy. In contrast, our daughter Alethea is like me and jumps in with all four feet flying, like a bull in a China shop. But Noah is much like Teresa with all of the attendant blessings and curses. I want him to take initiative and be socially active and a participant and not become a shy little follower or watcher only. I also want to respect his own little personality and help him excel at his gifted areas of gentleness without letting him persist with weakness or fault.

Any advice?


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