# Techno-Tithe: Church Implants Microchips in Members' Right Hands



## tcalbrecht (Dec 10, 2004)

*Techno-Tithe: Church Implants Microchips in Members\' Right Hands*

*CROCKETT'S BLUFF, AR* "“ In a startling collision of modern technology and ministry, Crockett's Bluff Community Church is the first known church in America to use Logitech's biochip technology to receive its weekly tithes and offerings. 

According to last year's church theme - "Be ID'd With CBCC in '03" - the congregation of 15,782 outfitted each member of its flock with a subdermal microchip in the right hand. The device, smaller than a mustard seed, contains the banking information of each worshipper and is scanned by an usher as he or she enters the sanctuary. 

Pastor Bud Caldwell readily admits news of the action is sure to send end times specialists scrambling to rewrite their works of eschatological punditry. "Oh there'll be a buzz for a while. Especially from the Van Impe's. Forgive me for saying this, but it doesn't take much for Rexella to get her prophetic panties in a bunch. If those two were halfway to heaven when credit cards came out, I can only imagine." 

...

Though he's sure to face a firestorm from pre-millennials, the affable Caldwell seems unfazed by the technology's semblance to what eschatologists such as Hal Lindsay and Chuck Missler refer to as the mark of the beast in Revelation 13. "Look, I'm a classic dispensationalist myself, but I see it as a win-win situation. We either continue at the cutting edge of contemporary ministry, or we trigger the rapture and bada bing, we're outta here, brother!"

http://tinyurl.com/3k5rn

[Edited on 10-12-2004 by tcalbrecht]


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Dec 10, 2004)

Oh man!


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## ReformedWretch (Dec 10, 2004)

And here we go!


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## wsw201 (Dec 10, 2004)

Gives new meaning about giving the "right hand of fellowship"


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## Ianterrell (Dec 10, 2004)

Strange.


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## RamistThomist (Dec 10, 2004)

Why do we even make fun of dispensationalists? They do a good job of it themselves


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## Me Died Blue (Dec 10, 2004)

Yeah...you know, in light of the "increase in evil" prophecy, it must be very near the time of the Rapture, since there are so many Dispensationalists in the world today! Oh, wait...


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## sastark (Dec 10, 2004)

"the congregation of 15,782 outfitted each member of its flock with a subdermal microchip in the right hand."

You mean to tell me that ALL 15,782 members willfully volunteered to have a micro-chip planted in them? I find that the most difficult part of this story to believe.


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## turmeric (Dec 10, 2004)

They CAN'T be Dispensationalists!


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## C. Matthew McMahon (Dec 11, 2004)

Too funny, but a good idea for mass-market churches.


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## ReformedWretch (Dec 11, 2004)

At the bottom of the page of the URL link is found a "Disclaimer" link. The following is what the disclaimer states in part:

The stories and content on The Holy Observer are mostly fabricated and should not be taken seriously. Real names are used on occasion for satirical purposes, but the quotations and situations associated with those names are usually fictitious.


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## tcalbrecht (Dec 11, 2004)

> _Originally posted by houseparent_
> At the bottom of the page of the URL link is found a "Disclaimer" link. The following is what the disclaimer states in part:
> 
> The stories and content on The Holy Observer are mostly fabricated and should not be taken seriously. Real names are used on occasion for satirical purposes, but the quotations and situations associated with those names are usually fictitious.



I figured you guys would have checked the date and caught on.

But in all humor there is an element of truth ...


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## C. Matthew McMahon (Dec 11, 2004)

That's even funnier!


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## HolidayJim (Dec 23, 2004)

The absolutely funniest thing is that anyone would actually think the article was real!!!!

Reformed Humor...is that an oxymoron?


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Dec 23, 2004)

Oy vey! Got me!


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## Bladestunner316 (Dec 23, 2004)

Funny sad and even though satire True modern churchs have turned into money wolves seeking to devour!

But this type of monetary system not to sound Dispensational is real the FDA has aproved of the use of chips in humans and with the passing of inteligence reform our government may in the near future implement such a tactic. 

dont let Dispensational eschatology blind you from what a Dispensational president is doing.

blade


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## Puritanhead (Feb 5, 2005)

I saw that article a good while ago and sent it to my buddies with all seriousness..
:bigsmile:


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## Ben Gliddon (Feb 12, 2005)

Absolutely hilarious. I was fooled too, and wasn't sure if I should laugh or be disgusted until Adam (houseparent) posted what he did. You never know what those crazy American Evangelicals will do!


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## Shane (Feb 12, 2005)

You guys have got to admit, with some of the strange thins in Charismatic circles and all its sadly almost believable.


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## 4ndr3w (Feb 12, 2005)

Good observation Adam! I take back what I said about a support group for you. If anyone can handle Jack and Rexella it's you.


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