# Getting financial aid when your parents will not fill out the fafsa



## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

My youngest brother has a friend (who I used to babysit) who is in a very difficult situation. Her parents (who have many issues) have decided that she ought not go to college and are refusing to fill out the fafsa. Even though she only depends on them for the roof above her head and will almost certainly not be living with them next year (her senior year of high school), she needs their financial information to apply for aid. My parents and I are trying to help her with this in preparation for next year. We've called the local university, but their financial aid office has been unhelpful (they don't seem to understand that there's no way for her to get access to their tax information). I feel that there must be some way for a minor with unhelpful parents to get aid for college. 

There is the option, of course, of her working for a few years before she goes to college, but she is extremely bright and the state university here has WONDERFUL scholarships and grants. She could very easily go to school for free and probably with a living stipend if she's able to fill out these financial forms. I would hate to see her have to work a minimum wage job to pay her way through, when she could get any number of scholarships. 

Has anyone been in this situation? Can you recommend a place to look for answers? The only solution we've been able to find is her becoming an emancipated minor which looks like an extremely arduous and rather horrible process.


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## Notthemama1984 (Mar 22, 2010)

Guesstimate on the tax information. You only have to sign that the information is correct as far as you know it.


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## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

Chaplainintraining said:


> Guesstimate on the tax information. You only have to sign that the information is correct as far as you know it.



Really? The problem is that she really has no idea. I also believe that she needs a parents' signature.


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## Southern Presbyterian (Mar 22, 2010)

Yes. The parents have to sign electronically.

We had this same issue with a friend of my son's. He finally gave up because the laws are actually written such a way as to tie the minor to the parents financially through college age. Though you might look into having her declared an emancipated minor, though I don't think that will work if she is still living at home.


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## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

She will be moving out this summer (which is before her senior year). Being an emancipated minor may be the only option...but it seems like a horrible hassle. Thanks


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## mjmacvey (Mar 22, 2010)

There are a few ways a student can seek financial independence from their parents, but it seems that most would not apply here (I assume she is under 24, not married, has not served in the military, does not have here own dependents (children) etc.).

Has she discussed her situation with the financial aid administrator/officer at the institution to which she wants to apply? Dependent students can change their status under some circumstances, but it is typically not easy. If it were, many students would try it in order to qualify for more aid! 

The college/university should have a process for students who wish to be considered independent. Not sure it would be approved, but it is worth a shot.


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## Edward (Mar 22, 2010)

She might consider aiming for scholarships which are not need-based. She might end up having to go to a school that is not her first choice, but it might be her best bet. 

A second option would be taking the long road - work plus community college. 

And a third avenue would be to try to seek out an employer who provides tuition assistance.

Finally, there is the military option.


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## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

mjmacvey said:


> There are a few ways a student can seek financial independence from their parents, but it seems that most would not apply here (I assume she is under 24, not married, has not served in the military, does not have here own dependents (children) etc.).
> 
> Has she discussed her situation with the financial aid administrator/officer at the institution to which she wants to apply? Dependent students can change their status under some circumstances, but it is typically not easy. If it were, many students would try it in order to qualify for more aid!
> 
> The college/university should have a process for students who wish to be considered independent. Not sure it would be approved, but it is worth a shot.


 
She has tried communicating with them via phone and has had no luck. However, I wonderful if it might be helpful for my mother or I to go down with her to the financial aid office and have a sit-down meeting. Perhaps if they see concerned adults involved, they will be more ready with a solution.

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Edward said:


> She might consider aiming for scholarships which are not need-based. She might end up having to go to a school that is not her first choice, but it might be her best bet.
> 
> A second option would be taking the long road - work plus community college.
> 
> ...


 
Our state school does not award merit scholarships unless you fill out the fafsa. This is the problem. She probably will not qualify for any need based aid as her parents are fairly well off. However, with her test scores and grades, she is guaranteed to have full tuition covered and if she does well on a scholarship essay, she can probably have enough of a stipend to cover room and board.


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## Edward (Mar 22, 2010)

Montanablue said:


> Our state school does not award merit scholarships unless you fill out the fafsa. This is the problem. She probably will not qualify for any need based aid as her parents are fairly well off. However, with her test scores and grades, she is guaranteed to have full tuition covered and if she does well on a scholarship essay, she can probably have enough of a stipend to cover room and board.


 
Thanks. 

Has she looked out of state?


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## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

Edward said:


> Montanablue said:
> 
> 
> > Our state school does not award merit scholarships unless you fill out the fafsa. This is the problem. She probably will not qualify for any need based aid as her parents are fairly well off. However, with her test scores and grades, she is guaranteed to have full tuition covered and if she does well on a scholarship essay, she can probably have enough of a stipend to cover room and board.
> ...


 
She hasn't. And our suggestions have been to look instate and consider community colleges, simply because we thought those would be the cheapest solutions. Do you know of places out of state that might be helpful?

I've shared the comments on the thread with my parents (who are the primary people trying to help her out) and its been helpful. My mother has discovered a friend of a friend who works at the state university's financial aid office and is going to try to set up a meeting to talk about possible solutions. Luckily, this girl was wise enough to start thinking about this now, as opposed to a few months before she graduates.


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## Ivan (Mar 22, 2010)

This may be ancient history but in 1971 when I was looking for assistance to go to college I had a very difficult time finding it. My dad said he would pay my tuition but he placed impossible stipulations that it didn't happen. My dad did provide the tax information but his income level and ownership of property caused me not to be able to get any financial assistance. It was only after I lived away from my parents for a certain period of time (I think two years) that I was able to apply based on my income. At that point I easily received financial assistance. Between that assistance and a job at college I was able to make it through. I graduated from college with no debt, but not much savings (maybe a couple thousand dollars).

It isn't the most pleasant way of doing it, but if you want to go to college you do what you got to do.


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## Idelette (Mar 22, 2010)

This is really an unfortunate situation, because I believe FAFSA requires parental tax info. up until the age of 24 regardless of whether she is dependent on them or not. And oftentimes FAFSA is required to qualify for other scholarships, so she most likely wouldn't be able to get any other aid without it. I think starting out at a community college would probably be the best way to go. Her parents may change their minds after she's completed a couple of years at community college. And in the meantime, she can try to earn some sort of scholarship apart from the FAFSA. (I think she would have more opportunities if she were at a community college). Hope that helps!


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## Ivan (Mar 22, 2010)

I was thinking that the age of 24 was wrong but as I think about it I graduated from college when I was almost 26 so I guess that number is right. Like I said, it's ancient history for me, but it seems like yesterday.


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## Andres (Mar 22, 2010)

I'll mention something that no one else has thus far - she should have a serious talk with her parents. You never really stated why they won't give her the info and/or why they don't want her to go to college. Perhaps they worry about her away from home or perhaps they have some other unsubstantiated fears. If your friend listens to her parents concerns then she can best respectfully answer any concerns they have and assuage their fears. She also needs to explain to her parents exactly how the financial aid process works and why she needs that info.


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## Romans922 (Mar 22, 2010)

Have we thought about what the Bible says here? Maybe she should obey her parents... Just throwing that out there.

On top of this, she might want to sit down with them like Andrew is saying above. But also maybe seek wisdom from the elders of her church. But please, let us not forget that she ought to obey her parents. What if she doesn't go to college? Is she breaking a command of God or a requirement of her? Will she be the breadwinner of the family (if she gets married)? My wife didn't graduate from college and could've supported herself (even both of us) by her job as an administrative assistant (which you don't need a degree for). She just worked a few jobs starting in high school. Pretty soon you have three years experience, and you are qualified everywhere practically. She was making over 30k a year, while I was in seminary. 

So what I am saying is not that she needs to be a secretary, but that she must obey her parents, unless she is bound by God to do otherwise. If she doesn't go to college, it isn't the end of the world, especially if she plans to get married.


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## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

This is not an argument that I really want to have . As as been shown in previous threads, I do not believe that parents have a right to make decisions for children over 18 (although they should always listen to their counsel with receiving mind and attitude). I started this thread to ask for help in deciphering the financial aid system. 

Andres, I do see your perspective, and if these were caring parents with legitimate concerns, than you would have a very valid point. In any other situation, that's exactly what should happen . In fact, this girl has tried to reason with her parents and has asked other adults to go with her to talk to them. However, these parents are simply abusive (physically and emotionally) and have been abusive for a long time. She is often turned out of the house (for no good reason - because she did not set the table correctly or missed a spot on the dishes) and has to stay at other people's houses. 

That's rather more detail than I had planned to share, but I do not want this thread to go in that direction.


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## Edward (Mar 22, 2010)

Montanablue said:


> Edward said:
> 
> 
> > Has she looked out of state?
> ...


 
Sometimes an out of state school will offer a better deal to a top student if they are trying to build up a particular program. 

We should pray for this young lady and probably even more so, for her parents. May the Holy Spirit work in their lives.


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## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

Romans922 said:


> Have we thought about what the Bible says here? Maybe she should obey her parents... Just throwing that out there.
> 
> On top of this, she might want to sit down with them like Andrew is saying above. But also maybe seek wisdom from the elders of her church. But please, let us not forget that she ought to obey her parents. What if she doesn't go to college? Is she breaking a command of God or a requirement of her? Will she be the breadwinner of the family (if she gets married)? My wife didn't graduate from college and could've supported herself (even both of us) by her job as an administrative assistant (which you don't need a degree for). She just worked a few jobs starting in high school. Pretty soon you have three years experience, and you are qualified everywhere practically. She was making over 30k a year, while I was in seminary.
> 
> So what I am saying is not that she needs to be a secretary, but that she must obey her parents, unless she is bound by God to do otherwise. If she doesn't go to college, it isn't the end of the world, especially if she plans to get married.


 
Respectfully, Andrew, I think you are forgetting the joy and fulfillment that education can bring, even to a woman. The object is not financial independence (although that's a nice benefit) and has nothing to do with whether one gets married or not. The object is gaining an greater understanding of our world and our God. 

I'm not going to address this topic further. We disagree and that's fine. This is not why I started the thread. 

Edit: Just because you brought it up, I feel its necessary to point out that there is no church and thus no elders involved. The family is not a Christian one.


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## Kiffin (Mar 22, 2010)

Has she considered the Military (maybe Navy or Air Force)? Get a high score on her ASVAB and get a good job in the Military. I'm sure it'll be an awesome experience and at the same time she can take advantage of the educational opportunities while she's active duty. After she finishes her 4 year enlistment and still feels the need to get a Bachelor's, her GI Bill will pay for it--or, she might even like the Military life so much, she could stay in!


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## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

Personally, I'm a little reluctant to recommend the military to a woman. However, I recognize that this could easily be my own bias. I admit that its certainly a wonderful way to get a free education. Do you have experience in the military? Do you have any insights into the types of things a young woman might have to deal with? I envision all of these horrifying situations, but that may be my own imagination and have little to do with reality.


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## Kiffin (Mar 22, 2010)

I haven't been in the military. But my father, grandfather, and fiance's father have served in the US Navy; all did the full 20. Her brother became an officer last year. My previous church was situated close to one of the biggest bases (Great Lakes Naval Base) and sailors (both men and women) would come through and worship with us; I don't remember any of the women sailors complaining about inequality or anything major like that.

I'm sure whatever you're "envisioning" about a woman being in the military can/does happen at college. Right?


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## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

Kiffin said:


> I haven't been in the military. But my father, grandfather, and fiance's father have served in the US Navy; all did the full 20. Her brother became an officer last year. My previous church was situated close to one of the biggest bases (Great Lakes Naval Base) and sailors (both men and women) would come through and worship with us; I don't remember any of the women sailors complaining about inequality or anything major like that.
> 
> I'm sure whatever you're "envisioning" about a woman being in the military can/does happen at college. Right?


 
Potentially. I wasn't really thinking about inequality, just sexual harassment. My brother is in the Marines and it seems like his female friends have to endure a lot of sexual harassment that I didn't have to deal with at college. It may vary branch to branch though?


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## Kiffin (Mar 22, 2010)

From Military sexual harassment data released - Military- msnbc.com


> The Army had 2.6 reports per 1,000 soldiers; the Air Force's rate was 1.6 reports per 1,000; the Marines' rate was 1.1 per 1,000; and the Navy's rate was 1 per 1,000 sailors. The average was 1.8 sexual assaults reported per 1,000 military members.



From Statistics about Sexual Assault


> At least 1 in 4 college women will be the victim of a sexual assault during her academic career.



If these statistics are accurate, it tells us that there is more sexual harassment on campus. I hope I didn't derail your thread. Just throwing the Military option in the air...


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## Montanablue (Mar 22, 2010)

No, not at all, that's very helpful. Like I said, I know that a lot of this is my own biased perception and not necessarily reality.


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## ooguyx (Mar 23, 2010)

I also like the military option, it will help get out of the home and also help with disciplince, etc., that will serve her well in college. 

Also, not all scholarships are based on FAFSA. I know that there are many that only require an application/essay. And, though not my favorite option, there is always the Peace Corps.

Hope that helps, but it's not the end of the world if she has to wait. I went back to college at 26, and personally I don't think I would have done so well otherwise.


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## matt01 (Mar 23, 2010)

ooguyx said:


> Also, not all scholarships are based on FAFSA. I know that there are many that only require an application/essay. And, though not my favorite option, there is always the Peace Corps.



Most postings in the Peace Corps require a college degree. Even the domestic version (AmeriCorps) has a degree or education requirement for many of their postings. The military is an option, though it is not something to do in order to get a free education. One must truly desire to serve, or it could be a long four years.


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## Kiffin (Mar 23, 2010)

Yes, one shouldn't serve if he/she doesn't want to. For me though, the pros far outweigh the cons. One con that I had to deal with growing up was being away from dad and vice versa. That was really tough. For this young lady, it doesn't seem that this would be an issue considering that she wouldn't have anything to "come home to" anyways.

Also, don't forget that there is a Reserve and Guard component in the Military. 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year. I have friends who have done their year's duty requirement in one shot (40 some days in the summer); there is more flex in the Reserves.

Check out the educational perks here for the Air National Guard and Army National Guard. If she picks a state school in Montana (that's where I'm guessing she is), Montana will pay 75% of her tuition.

It might sound like I'm a recruiter, but I'm not. I just like the military. Blessings!


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## CatechumenPatrick (Mar 23, 2010)

Montanablue said:


> My youngest brother has a friend (who I used to babysit) who is in a very difficult situation. Her parents (who have many issues) have decided that she ought not go to college and are refusing to fill out the fafsa. Even though she only depends on them for the roof above her head and will almost certainly not be living with them next year (her senior year of high school), she needs their financial information to apply for aid. My parents and I are trying to help her with this in preparation for next year. We've called the local university, but their financial aid office has been unhelpful (they don't seem to understand that there's no way for her to get access to their tax information). I feel that there must be some way for a minor with unhelpful parents to get aid for college.
> 
> There is the option, of course, of her working for a few years before she goes to college, but she is extremely bright and the state university here has WONDERFUL scholarships and grants. She could very easily go to school for free and probably with a living stipend if she's able to fill out these financial forms. I would hate to see her have to work a minimum wage job to pay her way through, when she could get any number of scholarships.
> 
> Has anyone been in this situation? Can you recommend a place to look for answers? The only solution we've been able to find is her becoming an emancipated minor which looks like an extremely arduous and rather horrible process.


 
If indeed you have exhausted the options you have listed (e.g., contacting the office, as well as directors of, the financial aid office) I would suggest trying to contact the dean (e.g., of undergraduate studies, or the closest relevant dean) or the provost, and seeking their advice. (By the way, has this young lady been accepted? If yes, this might be an appropriate last resort.)

*My advice follows the principle that, in a bureaucracy, the best way to get something done is to appeal as high as possible in the hierarchy. And if the young lady's university is anything like my own, or my wife's, they tend to be highly sympathetic to such situations, esp. when a minority is involved.


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## JML (Mar 23, 2010)

*At your Service*

In my secular employment, I am a financial aid officer. I have filled out thousands of FAFSAs. Now you all know how fun my job is. I can help you with any questions that you might have.


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## Montanablue (Mar 23, 2010)

John Lanier said:


> In my secular employment, I am a financial aid officer. I have filled out thousands of FAFSAs. Now you all know how fun my job is. I can help you with any questions that you might have.



Thank you! My parents have actually found a sympathetic financial aid officer ( a friend of a friend) at a local community college and are helping to arrange a meeting with her. This will hopefully be really productive. I may indeed pm you if/when there are more questions we can't get answered.


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## DeborahtheJudge (Mar 24, 2010)

Okay, just throwing this out there.... many private schools have special sources of funding... therefore their scholarship systems work differently. My own university --some of the Catholic universities happen to be VERY sympathetic to needy, bright students and Christians--offered me a full scholarship without even looking at the fafsa.
Of course, I did qualify for this pre-existing merit scholarship. (Unfortunately, only a reduced version of it is available now! Hard times.)

Put pressure on those parents. My friend's parents were going through a divorce when we were applying for college. There was an ugly custody battle, had to call lawyers, had to bring in other adults. I know that when parents divorce, they are required by law to pay for part (half?) of the tuition. There may be some legal obligations for these parents.


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## ericknowsChrist (Apr 8, 2010)

It is not that hard to pay your own way if your are motivated. To me the experience of fighting my way through school was a key part of my learning experience. 

Working full time while going to school full time is a challenge, but your 20s are the time to do it. My two siblings and I (and many of my friends) all paid our own ways through college. 

No grants, period. 

My brother received some scholarships, when he went for his second engineering degree but with a 3.9 or 4.0 GPA on his first degree, I am not surprised. 

I incurred no debt, my brother incurred minor debt, my sister incurred a lot of debt. (In my humble opinion she did not have to, but who am I to say. )


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