# Top Fifteen Signs Your Sermon Isn't Going Well



## Andres (Jan 14, 2010)

From the blog, "Don't Stop Believing", Mike Wittmer lists the Top Fifteen Signs Your Sermon Isn’t Going Well:

15. Your associate pastor is warming up in the bullpen.

14. The praise band begins playing you off the stage.

13. You are using PowerPoint.

12. When asked to read from the King James Version, you involuntarily blush every time you say the word “ass.”

11. The congregation is filling in the blanks of your outline before you get there.
10. You think the lyrics to a bluegrass song are really connecting with your audience.

9. When you pause for dramatic effect, several people giggle.

8. Your cell phone starts ringing, and you answer it.

7. The person signing for the deaf just pulled on mittens.

6. When the children are dismissed to junior church, most of their parents go, too.

5. Your sermon took shape over a glass of wine and volume three of Left Behind.

4. Your interpreter just rolled his eyes and put your last statement in quotation marks.

3. Desperate mothers are pinching their babies.

2. The ushers are handing out refunds. 

1. You began your sermon with “Top 10 signs your sermon isn’t going well.”


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## Honor (Jan 14, 2010)

that was pretty funny


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## MLCOPE2 (Jan 14, 2010)

Andres said:


> 8. Your cell phone starts ringing, and you answer it.


 
 I've actually seen this happen!


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## Andres (Jan 14, 2010)

I though 6 & 3 were the funniest.


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## au5t1n (Jan 14, 2010)

I can just see some of the mothers at my old church doing 3.


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## au5t1n (Jan 14, 2010)

4 is pretty funny too, when you've actually seen it happen before!  When I was learning ASL at my old arminian baptist church, I knew that if I ever ended up interpreting, I would probably have to sign my own sermon - The pastor would never have known!


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## kvanlaan (Jan 14, 2010)

My favorite:



> 7. The person signing for the deaf just pulled on mittens.


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## Curt (Jan 14, 2010)

What's a praise band? For that matter, what's an associate pastor?


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## Pergamum (Jan 14, 2010)

When you say to your congregation, "I may not be the best speaker..." and before you can finish, a volley of AMENS meet your statement.


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## awretchsavedbygrace (Jan 14, 2010)

Curt said:


> What's a praise band? For that matter, what's an associate pastor?


 
My thoughts exactly.


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## jambo (Jan 14, 2010)

Its when you say "...and finally..." and everybody sits up straight.


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## KMK (Jan 14, 2010)

#11! HA! Because if you have ever sat through a 'Purpose Driven' sermon you know it's true. 

Jesus Christ is the _______ of God.

God so loved the __________ He gave His only begotten Son.

God has a ________________ for your life.


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