# Confession of sins, and my guilty troubles



## INsearch (Oct 1, 2011)

Hey guys, I have gone from Christian forum to Christian forum, posting these things..so I'm just going to post all my previous things, just so i can hopefully cover as much ground as possible in whats going on in my life right now.




> Then I'm troubled by my constant feelings of being unforgiven, as if praying to the Lord and confessing my sins to Him aren't good enough, like I need to actually confess my sins to the public and make restitution for the Lord to actually forgive me. I'm stressed out and tired, I don't feel any joy in this.






> what does repentance entail? Is it really as simple as turning around and no longer doing what I once did? does repentance not entail restitution?







> How does one show you are sorry? and who are you asking for forgiveness? is it God or the person you wronged? (sorry for being so persistent)





> I'm still feeling a wee bit troubled, I just want a straight forward answer (not that your answers haven't been good) but MUST I make restitution to be forgiven by the Lord? I have done too much to be able to ever adiquitly make restitution, and the big sins of my past are sins that would harm the persons in question emotionally, no other way.







> I'm struggling so much right now. I feel so downtrodden right now, its not even funny. Whats even more frustrating is that I have no place to just cry out in my misery except for here. I'm so depressed, angry, irritated, doubtful, i'm in a spiritually dark place. I don't feel forgiven by God, i do not feel comfortable, I do not feel happy, I feel desperate as hell. I feel like all my foundations are being shaken apart as the guilt of my past claws at my conscience. I have destroyed my life so much with the evils of my heart, I can't stand it anymore. I don't want to be here, I don't want any of this to be. I am keeping up a shallow prayer life, that keeps me "following" the Lord....but I'm so shaken, and my mind is so caught up in this misery. I curse the day that I ever let myself slip into such and evil place, and I will never be able to rid myself of this...this...sickness. I have become the product of all my bad decisions.
> 
> 
> 
> ...I cant explain how much I wish I could just poor out my emotions into this...the urges to curse every other word, to just.........I'm not sure how much longer I can truly keep up this charade.







> *Originally Posted by Matthew Henry Commentary
> Penitent confession and acknowledgment of sin are the believer’s business, and the means of his deliverance from his guilt.*
> 
> 
> ...








> I can't help but wonder. If the law says that you must turn yourself in, or be go to jail for certain crimes that you commit, if you where never caught..are you sinning each day that you don't turn yourself in?







> What if turning yourself in, and confessing the sin to the person would cause more harm than it would fix?






Someone please help me


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## py3ak (Oct 1, 2011)

Joshua, first of all you've probably already realized this, but just in case I'll point out that the internet is not always the best place to seek pastoral counsel and care. I don't know what your church situation is, but most of what you raise could be addressed better in person by someone who knows you than by a stranger online. Not only are strangers unreliable, but they don't (and in many cases can't or shouldn't) know the details of your case in a way that permits truly intelligent interaction.

Thus I can only tell you very general things.

1. Sin is always primarily against God, and when He forgives it, it is gone. David obviously had affronted Uriah and his family, injured Bathsheba, and probably others in his army; but God sovereignly put away his sin.
2. You don't force or convince God to forgive you by the strength of your repentance or the diligence of your restitutions: you receive Christ freely offered to you in the Gospel and all that the sins that were laid to your door, all the guilt that you bore, is taken away by His perfect atonement.
3. Questions about restitution depend too much on specifics to be answered from the information you gave; but it is possible to affirm that forgiveness does not wait for restitution: remember Zaccheus. He purposed to make restitution, but salvation had come to his house before he was able to execute that purpose. Indeed, I think it's fair to say that it was because salvation had come to his house that he did purpose to make restitution. Or think of the thief on the cross: he obviously made no restitution to those from whom he had stolen, but he was received into paradise that very evening.

Your first need is to direct your gaze to Christ: to exercise faith upon Him as the complete and perfect Savior. It is only from that standpoint that you will have the peace and the clarity to be able to sort through your duties to others, hopefully in company with a wise and faithful pastor.

Consider how Benjamin Grosvenor expands on Christ's command to His disciples to preach forgiveness among all nations beginning at Jerusalem:



> Go into all nations and offer this salvation as you go; but lest the poor house of Israel should think themselves abandoned to despair, the seed of Abraham, mine ancient friend; as cruel and unkind as they have been, go, make them the first offer of grace; let them that struck the rock, drink first of its refreshing streams; and they that drew my blood, be welcome to its healing virtue. Tell them, that as I was sent to the lost sheep of the house of Israel, so, if they will be gathered, I will be their shepherd still. Though they despised my tears which I shed over them, and imprecated my blood to be upon them, tell them 'twas for their sakes I shed both; that by my tears I might soften their hearts towards God, and by my blood I might reconcile God to them.....Tell them, you have seen the prints of the nails upon my hands and feet, and the wounds of the spear in my side; and that those marks of their cruelty are so far from giving me vindictive thoughts, that, if they will but repent, every wound they have given me speaks in their behalf, pleads with the Father for the remission of their sins, and enables me to bestow it.....Nay, if you meet that poor wretch that thrust the spear into my side, tell him there is another way, a better way, of coming at my heart. If he will repent, and look upon him whom he has pierced, and will mourn, I will cherish him in that very bosom he has wounded; he shall find the blood he shed an ample atonement for the sin of shedding it. And tell him from me, he will put me to more pain and displeasure by refusing this offer of my blood, than when he first drew it forth.



May the Lord himself say to your soul that he is your salvation (Psalm 35:3).


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## Jack K (Oct 1, 2011)

Joshua:

It doesn't matter what you've done. The condemnation you fear is NOT something you can fix. The sin behind it is, at its core, sin against God. You CAN'T make that right. It's too heinous for you to ever make proper restitution. You cannot do enough, or even come close.

Only Jesus can make that right. Put all your hope in him, and him alone. Only that way will you ever be sure that enough has been done to save you from the judgment you deserve.

You're right that repentance accompanies such faith. But it sounds like someone has led you to confuse repentance with making things right. They aren't the same.

Repentance is a changed life. Its fruit flows from a heart dedicated to Christ. Indeed, it will show in how you love other people. And in some cases that love for God and others _might_ mean making restitution for past wrongs—as a gesture of love and in a desire for healed relationships (as in the case of Zacchaeus). But it's only appropriate if attempting restitution truly is a loving thing to do. And it's NEVER appropriate if by it you're trying to rid yourself of guilt. That's not your job! You CAN'T do that! Only Christ does that.

Do you have any pastor or mature Christian friend, whom you can talk to in person, who will always be sure to remind you of the absolutely free forgiveness available in Christ? If you know such a person, I'd encourage you to seek him out and talk through the details of your situation with him.

---------- Post added at 01:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:07 PM ----------

Ah, now I see Ruben's post. He says some of the same stuff. Do listen to him, my friend.


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## JM (Oct 1, 2011)

A. W. Pink:

There are two sides to a Christian’s life: a light side—and a dark one; an elevating side—and a depressing one. His experience is neither all joy—nor all grief; but a commingling of both. It was so with the apostle Paul: “As sorrowful—yet always rejoicing” (2 Corinthians 6:10). When a person is regenerated, he is not there and then taken to heaven—but he is given both a pledge and a foretaste of it. Nor is sin then eradicated from his being, though its dominion over him is broken. It is indwelling corruption which casts its dark shadow over his joy!

The varied experiences of the believer are occasioned by Christ’s presence—and sin’s presence. If, on the one hand, it be blessedly true that Christ is with him all the days, even unto the end; on the other hand, it is solemnly true that sin indwells him all his days, even unto the end of his earthly history! Said Paul, “evil is present with me”; and that, not only occasionally—but sin “dwells in me” (Romans 7:20-21). Thus, as God’s people feed upon the Lamb, it is “with bitter herbs they shall eat it” (Exo 12:8).

The Christian’s consciousness of indwelling sin, his mourning over its defiling influence, his sincere efforts to strive against its solicitations, his penitent confessions to God of his failure to master this inveterate foe—are among the unmistakable evidences that he is a regenerate person. For certain it is, that none who is dead in trespasses and sins realizes there is a sea of iniquity within his heart, defiling his very thoughts and imagination; still less does he make conscience of the same and lament it.

Let the believer recall his own case: in the days of his unregeneracy, he was not cast down by what now distresses! We are bidden to “remember” what we were “in time past,” and then contrast the “But now” (Eph 2:11-13), that we may be shamed over the former—and rejoice and give thanks for the latter.

It is cause for fervent praise if your eyes have been opened to see “the sinfulness of sin,” and your heart to feel its obnoxiousness. Since it was not always thus, a great change has taken place—you have been made the subject of a miracle of grace. But the continuance of indwelling sin presents a sore and perplexing problem to the Christian. That nothing is too hard for the Lord—he is full assured. Why then is evil allowed to remain present with him? Why is he not rid of this hideous thing—which he so much loathes and hates? Why should this horrible depravity be allowed to disturb his peace and mar his joy? Why does not the God of all grace rid him of this harassing tyrant?

It must ever be remembered that His thoughts and ways are often the very opposite of ours. Yet we must also remember they are infinitely wiser and better than ours. God then must have some valid reason why He leaves sin in His people; and since He loves them with a boundless and unchangeable love—it must be left in them for their benefit. Faith may be fully assured that evil continues to be present with the saint both for the glory of God and for his own good. Thus, there is a bright side to even this dark cloud.

We are apt to think it is a most deplorable thing that sin still indwells us and to imagine it would be far better if we were rid of it. But that is our ignorance. Yes, it is something worse: it is a spirit of opposition to God, a rebelling against His dealings with us, an impugning of His wisdom, a casting reflection upon His goodness. Since He has given such abundant proofs that He has our best interests at heart, it must be most reprehensible for any to call into question His ways with them.

Rather, may we be fully persuaded that our loving Father would have completely removed “the flesh” from the soul of His children at the moment of their regeneration—had that been for their highest welfare. Since He has not done so, we must confidently conclude that God has a benevolent purpose in allowing sin to indwell them, to the end of their pilgrim journey. But does His Word furnish any hints of His gracious designs therein? Yes—but we must now limit ourselves unto one of them.

Sins Presence | A Particular Baptist Blog


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## INsearch (Oct 1, 2011)

Thank you everyone for your responses, I feel a bit better right now. In answer to the question about mature Christians, the only reformed person I have "contact" with is my Dad. I know its not an excuse, but surely some of you must know the difficulty of a son going to their Dad and expressing...this...




Jack K said:


> And in some cases that love for God and others might mean making restitution for past wrongs—as a gesture of love and in a desire for healed relationships (as in the case of Zacchaeus). But it's only appropriate if attempting restitution truly is a loving thing to do.



Thank you. Just a little extra background. The sin I committed that I constantly think about was committed when I was around 12, maybe 13 (I'm 20 now) I can say that there would be no love in making restitution for this sin, because first I must inform the person of the sin that I committed against them...which would then cause such pain, that in all honesty the whole thing would almost be selfish on my part...to wound someone emotionally, to ease my own conscience. Thank you for bringing up the case of the thief on the Cross as well. 

Might i ask a question though? Because i don't want to delve to much farther in my particular sin, lets give an example. 

We all have heard conversion stories of Gangsters, and street criminals who end up repenting, and coming to the Lord. We can say that he was big in drug dealing, selling cocain, ect...very illegal stuff, but one day by Gods grace he is saved, and repents of this life style and no longer does what he used to do. My question is this. Is he continually sinning each day that he does not turn himself into the authorities for the crimes he committed?


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## TimV (Oct 1, 2011)

No, that would be like turning yourself in for going 50 in a 25 mile zone when no one saw you. Or something different would be stealing from Walmart. In that case, an anonymous check with an explanation sent to the head office would perhaps be the best step (I understand companies like Walmart get those types of notes often). 

The harder question is your responsibility to those who's lives you ruined by selling them the drugs, and that's why Ruben said what he did, that there are so many details that you aren't going to do very well on a public forum.


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## INsearch (Oct 1, 2011)

But I haven't ruined this persons life, ruining their life would be the product of letting them know. 


However I think I know what you are saying. I should be trying to...wow..loss of words all of a sudden.


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## TimV (Oct 1, 2011)

There's a purpose for church membership; actually several. You should be left alone to make those decisions. Sure, sometimes a church may be deficient in experienced leaders. I've been there, and I've gotten help from several people here on this board. But you'll have to build up relationships, and that takes time. Just a word to the wise.


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## INsearch (Oct 1, 2011)

I understand, but at this moment I am here...this is what I have atm.


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## TimV (Oct 1, 2011)

How far is the nearest NAPARC church to you?


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## INsearch (Oct 1, 2011)

too far. 

I do have an independent reformed Church in the next town though. http://allbygrace.org/


HOWEVER if someone (perhaps an elder who frequents this board) could just tell me that my idea that its best to just let it go, is the right way. 



> But I haven't ruined this persons life, ruining their life would be the product of letting them know.



^ just best to let it die and walk in Gods grace and mercy?


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## TimV (Oct 1, 2011)

I seriously doubt that any elder worth being called one would give you that advice without the details that you simply can't give publicly, if for no other reasons that you would probably go to jail. Contact that church in the next town and ask for an appointment with an elder there. If you're as serious about dealing with this as you claim, and I believe you, truly, then that's a good first step of a long journey, and you need to take it.


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## Jack K (Oct 1, 2011)

INsearch said:


> HOWEVER if someone (perhaps an elder who frequents this board) could just tell me that my idea that its best to just let it go, is the right way.
> 
> 
> But I haven't ruined this persons life, ruining their life would be the product of letting them know.
> ^ just best to let it die and walk in Gods grace and mercy?



I'll tell you I _suspect_, based on what few details you feel free to divulge, that you may well be right to just let it go. Make sure you are truly acting out of love for others and not using that as an excuse to be selfish. But if you can honestly say that, it does sound like the issue may be best left alone. It's hard to be sure, but certainly not out of the question.

More importantly (and here I feel more confident that what I'm saying is right), don't let the Accuser use this as an opportunity to make you feel continually guilty if in fact you have been washed by the blood of Jesus. Your decision in this matter is about being faithful to God and his law that you love your neighbor, NOT doing penance for your sin. The making up for sin matter is settled in Christ. 

BTW... Matthew Henry's comment about being "penitent" should not be confused with a Catholic-like notion of "do this penance and you'll be forgiven." That's not what he means.

I offer an opinion only because I realize you're hurting for wise counsel right now from believers who truly know you. But this matter shows how it really is important that you connect yourself to a gospel-believing, local church. I'd encourage you to keep looking. They may be hard to find in Vermont, but God does have his people everywhere, especially here in America. We are a poor substitute for that church, though I do hope we're still helpful.


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## Jack K (Oct 1, 2011)

One more thought...

It feels like you may be seeking absolution, either through acts of penance or a pronouncement from a pastor figure. Talking things over with a mature Christian leader may indeed by very helpful, but remember to get your absolution in Jesus alone. Then, with that matter settled, determine how to act in love, in support of justice, etc.


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## py3ak (Oct 1, 2011)

As far as confessing faults that others don't know about - if there is a need to restore something that was stolen or damaged, that is one thing; but I remember that Christ tells us that if our brother has something against us we should leave our gift at the altar and go to be reconciled first. Now it may be, it too often is, that I have cursed my brother in my heart; but that is not something he has against me because I didn't express it. So that sin, though my hatred was directed at him, is between God and me and there is no need for me to confess to my brother that I reviled him in my head.


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## Edward (Oct 1, 2011)

INsearch said:


> I have gone from Christian forum to Christian forum, posting these things.



Why. Are you searching for an answer, or for what you want to hear? 

Seek out a sound church and put yourself under their discipline. You won't get the help you need on the internet.


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## itsreed (Oct 2, 2011)

Joshua, do you want some help finding a good church in your area? That is one thing the internet, especially the Puritan Board is good for. Alternatively, maybe a pastor on the board would be willing to talk with you a bit offline.


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