# Daughter rolling eyes and complaining



## Pergamum (Sep 21, 2018)

Hello,

Since I have been sick I have been deficient in instructing the kids. I have noticed over the past weeks that my 11-year old daughter now sometimes rolls her eyes, answers back with a response instead of a simple yes, dad, and often complains or has a pouty face.

Without being unduly harsh with her (maybe that is needed?) how do I break these habits? Have any of you all struggled with this? What works?


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## timfost (Sep 21, 2018)

Role play. Tell her that it's not appropriate and say "let's retry that." She will get it right if she wants to move on with the day. Good behavior is often simply good habit.

Reactions: Like 5


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## Smeagol (Sep 21, 2018)

Perg,

This is the advise I would give myself:

#1 Rule be consistent (you and your wife) in correcting the behavior when you see it.

#2 Don't forget to deal with your daughters heart.

If you the believe the behavior is becoming repetitive, consider setting aside some "face-to-face daddy daughter time". During this time explain in a loving manner what your specific concern is and address why it is such a big concern. In this case maybe try to convey the idea from God's commandment to honor parents. For Example: The way we honor our parents has implications on how we honor God.

Also consider sharing a personal story about how maybe you as a kid disrespected your own parents. This may help her see that you can relate to her temptations to have a "rolling eyes attitude". It is okay to let her know you are not perfect, but point her to what God requires. Then and most importantly point her to forgiveness in Christ and to the Helper, the Holy Spirit. If you feel she is convinced of her wrong, I would then pray with her and ask the Holy Spirit to help you both honor your father and mother.

Lastly, your not alone hang in there. I already see this behavior in my 4yr. old daughter.

Above all be consistent and don't forget that the "buck" does not stop at "behavior modification", rather desire and pursue a heart change in your little girl.

Hope this helps!

P.S. Check out Paul D. Trip (Presbyterian), who does great with the topic of Child Rearing. See also Voddie Baucham (Confessional Baptist), who is also very solid on this topic.


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## Pergamum (Sep 21, 2018)

timfost said:


> Role play. Tell her that it's not appropriate and say "let's retry that." She will get it right if she wants to move on with the day. Good behavior is often simply good habit.


Ahhh! Yes. That sounds simple and doable. Thanks.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Pergamum (Sep 21, 2018)

Grant Jones said:


> Perg,
> 
> This is the advise I would give myself:
> 
> ...


Thanks. Trying to deal with the heart. But we just are maybe devleoping bad habits now due to lack of steady schedule and place of residence.


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## Edward (Sep 21, 2018)

The problem should work itself out in about 7-10 years.

Reactions: Like 1 | Funny 4


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## Cedarbay (Sep 21, 2018)

She probably needs the same tlc we need as adults when those we love are sick. She may be quite fearful about your condition and your wife's migraines. If she's typically a respectful kid and loves her folks and siblings, your thought of stabilizing home may be key.

Reactions: Like 3


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## OPC'n (Sep 21, 2018)

I couldn't agree more with Anne, but would add that maybe she's not getting the usual attention she's used to having from her daddy because you're ill so she's trying to get it any way she can even if it's negative attention.

Reactions: Like 2


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## Pergamum (Sep 21, 2018)

Cedarbay said:


> She probably needs the same tlc we need as adults when those we love are sick. She may be quite fearful about your condition and your wife's migraines. If she's typically a respectful kid and loves her folks and siblings, your thought of stabilizing home may be key.


Thank you. This is a good perspective. I suppose the kids are also facing trial because their parents are sick.

Reactions: Praying 1


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## Bill The Baptist (Sep 21, 2018)

Edward said:


> The problem should work itself out in about 7-10 years.



Or 20, as the case may be.


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## Ryan&Amber2013 (Sep 21, 2018)

Brother, maybe a heart to heart conversation with her? Maybe being open, explaining your struggles, ask her for grace, love, and mercy. You could communicate with her your feelings and your love for your family, and gently ask her to help during this time. You could even speak of your weaknesses, repent where needed, and seek humbleness and peace. Blessings.

Reactions: Like 2


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## Ask Mr. Religion (Sep 21, 2018)

I think Anne and Sarah have a handle on the situation, Perg. Your sweet daughter is just freaked out over the whole situation, as kids will be when uprooted, parents in turmoil and stress over illnesses, and so on.

Anything you can do now that harkens to the normalcy and structure of your private lives back in the field will help calm the inward anxieties of your children. Sometimes _same stuff, different day_ is quite the emotional sedative for young folks.

Praying for you all.

Reactions: Like 2


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## bookslover (Sep 22, 2018)

She's practicing to be a teenager. Just two years to go!

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Ben Zartman (Sep 22, 2018)

I have a daughter who is eleven and sometimes rolls her eyes. Along with the other means mentioned, don't neglect the Bible's prescription for the foolishness that is bound in the heart of a child. This is the most effective, sure, and rapid means, and if done with a heart of obedience to the God who ordained it, He will not fail to make it have its effect.
To know that this means is on the table and you're serious about using it (having used it consistently in the past) is a great incentive to obedience and good behavior.
Sometimes I feel like my children's misdeeds are like whack-a-mole: no sooner do we break a bad habit than another one comes up, or an old one gets resurrected. Persevere, use all of God's means for the rearing of your children, and hope in Him for the result.

Reactions: Like 1


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## RamistThomist (Sep 22, 2018)

timfost said:


> Role play. Tell her that it's not appropriate and say "let's retry that." She will get it right if she wants to move on with the day. Good behavior is often simply good habit.



I am a school teacher and I do that all the time. I have a dead-pan face and it really works.

Reactions: Like 1


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## nickipicki123 (Sep 22, 2018)

Kids tend to push the boundaries around this age anyways, don't they? She should not be giving her parents attitude, but at the same time it is healthy for her to be independent, start thinking for herself, etc. How do you balance this?


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## gjensen (Sep 22, 2018)

I do not know how to correct this. I have had mixed results with my own, and they are all different. You know and love your daughter. You will sort this out along the way. Often there is not a clear and simple answer. If you at first do not succeed, try again, etc. 

First of all love her. Talk to her about it. Explain to her while it is not appropriate. Ask your wife to do the same separately. 

Be honest with yourself and her. It has nothing to do with you or your circumstances. She is a sinner like the rest of us. We find out who we are when we are squeezed. 

You will have what you tolerate. Sometimes it is that simple.


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