# question on fornication



## cupotea (Feb 16, 2004)

Hello, I'm not quite sure what the protocol for newbies is, so please bear with me. I have a question that I've been wondering about for quite some time, and I have gotten a range of different answers. I'd greatly appreciate your responses. 

Two believers, both adults and both initially virgins, do not fornicate in the most technical sense, but there is no doubt that they defiled the marriage bed. They rationalize it with the line, &quot;we will be married anyway.&quot; They later realize that they were wrong, confess, and take steps to make sure this doesn't happen again. 

Are they obligated to marry each other? In your opinion, according to the Scriptures, what would be to God the most pleasing actions for them to take at this point?


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## Scott Bushey (Feb 16, 2004)

There are a couple of issues here that need to be addressed. Number one, this is posted in the biblical text forums, so I'd imagine there are specific texts you have in mind. Could you reference those?

Secondly, Sin is forgivable. I don't know that I see a text implying that based upon your stumbling, that you are now obligated to wed or excluded from the marriage. 

Also, the scriptures are essentially -quiet- in regards to what extent what one could use to define as fornication. We are told NOT to fornicate. The bible was written during a time when marriages generally were based upon betrothels. The bride and groom would literally consumate their marriage upon the day they married. Often, it was the first day they saw each other. The betrothels were between the parents, typically the year before. In this age, there are not any betrothels, there is courting. The limits of courting need to be drawn out as children are reared. The idea of dating in my opinion is a firecracker waiting to explode. My belief is that, as you serve in church, as you approach the age of maturity, as God places the desire upon your heart, you should look for a proverbs 31 woman. Some one whom you have served elbow to elbow with. You watch their life; how they serve, how they treat the brethren, how they respect their parents and siblings etc. These are the things to look for...........


I used to remember in my early walk, I asked my pastor exactly what I could do when I was with my girlfried. His response was that the spirit would guide me. He said that the word would sanctify me; he said that he would NOT give me his opinion on what and where the line would be drawn in the sand, as if he did, it would give me license to at the least endeavor to push even that envelope.

My wife Tina and I were best friends for about 5 years prior to our marriage. The first time we held hands was after we were engaged. Our first kiss was at the altar. Now, believe you me, the scriptures do NOT say one needs to be where we were; this was our decision. Did it glorify God; possibly. The question to ask, even though we were abstinant is, were we pure also in thought, because you see, the work can be undone by the thought life-no?


My question to you is, why are you now wondering about obligation?


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## C. Matthew McMahon (Feb 16, 2004)

You have opened a can of worms. That's not a bad thing, just an extensive thing.
Lots of things should be considered.
Most pleasing to God is their repentance through Jesus Christ. They did that. That's is important.
Next would be their hatred of that sin in not doing it again (or anything close to it, or that triggers it). Good again, they have taken measures to deal with it.
At that point, they have done what God requires.
Should they marry? Not necessarily. There is nothing I know of that says, since you have fornicated with eight women before you were married, three of them as a believer, then you have to marry all three, or two or one. 
Next thing to consider would be the commitment to one another - do they want to marry? Really? They have acted irresponsibly towards one another - that should cause both to stop and think through the ability of one another in being faithful (there are lots of ramifications you can think through there.)

In terms of the next most pleasing action - well, they should not do it again, and they should honor one another not to do it again. Obviously the Bible is clear about sexual ventures before marriage (both spiritual and physical):

2 Chr. 21:11, Isa. 23:17, Ezek. 16:26, Ezek. 16:29, Matt. 5:32, Matt. 19:9, Jn. 8:41, Acts 15:20, Acts 15:29, Acts 21:25, Rom. 1:29, 1 Co. 5:1, 1 Co. 6:13, 1 Co. 6:18, 1 Co. 7:2, 1 Co. 10:8, 2 Co. 12:21, Gal. 5:19, Eph. 5:3, Col. 3:5, 1 Thess. 4:3, Jude 1:7, Rev. 2:14, Rev. 2:20, Rev. 2:21, Rev. 9:21, Rev. 14:8, Rev. 17:2, Rev. 17:4, Rev. 18:3, Rev. 18:9, Rev. 19:2.

They should retain a God-honoring relationship, if they want to be with one another, and keep ALL triggers away, and NEVER be alone with one another. After seeing SO MANY PEOPLE fall into sexual sin, be it pastors, laymen, teachers, etc., the only people that men should hang out with alone is their mother, sister or grandmother. Women should draw the line with their father, brother and grandfather. To go beyond that is asking for trouble.

also, they really do not know if they &quot;will be married later on...&quot; That's assuming GOD desires they be married. One of them could die of a heart attack, then the other had to rethink their &quot;commitment&quot; to marry someone else in light of their relationship with them. Now its worse for them in their mind because they fornicated - will they then fornicate again with the next person? Hopefully not.


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