# Facebook Friends



## blhowes (Jul 14, 2010)

I've never used Facebook before, so I thought I'd ask and see if somebody more Facebook-savvy then myself could solve a mystery for me. Today, we got an email stating that my son had four people requesting to be his friend at Facebook. My wife called me and asked about one of them - the person's name was the same as somebody I've worked with for years - she asked why he'd be trying to join our son's Facebook page. I called her back after a while and told her there were 21 other people with that name in Massachusetts alone, so it most likely wasn't him. 

I checked with my coworker to see if he might have made the request. He said he doesn't use Facebook hardly at all and (as best he can recall) hadn't been on Facebook since April. But when he logged into Facebook we saw my son's avatar there, with no picture (we assume since its waiting for the "friend connection"). We also saw that his number of friends matched the number of friends in the email.

Is there some way to unknowingly put in a friend request to somebody's Facebook page? If so, how? My friend theorized that maybe since my email address was in his email account contact list, that maybe that had something to do with it. We were both stumped.

Any thoughts.

BTW, an interesting side point - one of the other four people in the Facebook friend request email was VirginiaHuguenot.


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## N. Eshelman (Jul 14, 2010)

It could be what is called the "Friend Finder". That checks your friends against other friends and sees if there are any in common. It will "suggest" friends, but will not "request" them. 

That's all I got.


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## JoyFullMom (Jul 14, 2010)

Yes, check and be sure it was not a *friend suggestion* rather than a *friend request*. This means nothing. Facebook constantly suggests for friends of friends to friend each other. Just ignore it. Believe it or not, there are those who just friend everyone and try to see how many they can get. I'm kind of picky, if I don't know you...I keep it that way. LOL!


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## blhowes (Jul 14, 2010)

nleshelman said:


> It could be what is called the "Friend Finder". That checks your friends against other friends and sees if there are any in common. It will "suggest" friends, but will not "request" them.
> 
> That's all I got.


Thanks, I'll have to check into that.

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JoyFullMom said:


> Yes, check and be sure it was not a *friend suggestion* rather than a *friend request*. This means nothing. Facebook constantly suggests for friends of friends to friend each other. Just ignore it. Believe it or not, there are those who just friend everyone and try to see how many they can get. I'm kind of picky, if I don't know you...I keep it that way. LOL!


Here's what the email says: "Just a reminder that 4 people are waiting for you to confirm their friend requests."


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## Montanablue (Jul 14, 2010)

This may be a stupid question, but did you ask your son?


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## Andres (Jul 14, 2010)

Montanablue said:


> This may be a stupid question, but did you ask your son?


 
 based on what you described, it sounds like your son might have made the requests. Is your son old enough to have a FB? I guess what I'm asking is, do you want to be dealing with who he is friends with or isn't with and who he is talking to, etc everyday? If you don't think he is responsible enough, perhaps he doesn't need a facebook right now.


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## Montanablue (Jul 14, 2010)

Well, as I understand it, I think the other people would actually have to make the requests. But they may be friends or acquaintances of your sons. Asking him just seems like the most direct way to solve the issue. (And maybe you have asked him and he's also trying to figure it out, but you just didn't mention it)


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## JoyFullMom (Jul 14, 2010)

If you are being asked to *confirm* then, the people listed are the ones who generated the request. Maybe the adult in question did it erroneously. OR...maybe those people used the function when you first sign up that basically allows FB to send requests to everyone in your email address book. Is your son using *your* email? That would be a logical possibility.

That said, you do NOT have to confirm anyone. You can ignore, ignore, ignore. And if you don't even know the person, you can click that the person is unknown to you. 

That is one thing I DO like about FB. I have the power of *delete*, *remove*, *hide* and *ignore*!! Bwahahahaha!!!


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## blhowes (Jul 14, 2010)

Montanablue said:


> This may be a stupid question, but did you ask your son?


Actually, he was with my wife when she called me.

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Andres said:


> Montanablue said:
> 
> 
> > This may be a stupid question, but did you ask your son?
> ...


No, my son didn't make the requests. He's 19, and I think he's very responsible.

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Montanablue said:


> Well, as I understand it, I think the other people would actually have to make the requests. But they may be friends or acquaintances of your sons. Asking him just seems like the most direct way to solve the issue. (And maybe you have asked him and he's also trying to figure it out, but you just didn't mention it)


I spoke with my coworker, and heard back from VirginiaHuguenot, and neither one of them made the requests.

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JoyFullMom said:


> If you are being asked to *confirm* then, the people listed are the ones who generated the request. Maybe the adult in question did it erroneously. OR...maybe those people used the function when you first sign up that basically allows FB to send requests to everyone in your email address book. Is your son using *your* email? That would be a logical possibility.
> 
> That said, you do NOT have to confirm anyone. You can ignore, ignore, ignore. And if you don't even know the person, you can click that the person is unknown to you.


I think you're right about the email, though neither VirginiaHuguenot nor my coworker are in my email address book.

According to this site:

Question: I recently signed up for a Facebook account. I gave Facebook access to my e-mail to find friends. I'd like to turn this feature off. How do I do that?

Answer: When you register with Facebook, *you can let it scour your e-mail account for addresses*. These people can be invited to be your friends on Facebook. Facebook calls this Friend Finder. Changing this is easy. Log in to Facebook. Click Friends and select Find Friends. Look for the Find People You Email section. Click Learn More at the bottom of it. A box will open. Click the link to delete the data from Facebook. On the next page, click Remove.​
I don't like the idea that it "scours" my email account for addresses. I don't think I've emailed Andrew since last Christmas and I don't think I've emailed my coworked since when I was layed off, which was four years ago. I wonder if all the junk mail we receive/delete from time to time is also considered when they look for friends.

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JoyFullMom said:


> If you are being asked to *confirm* then, the people listed are the ones who generated the request. Maybe the adult in question did it erroneously. OR...maybe those people used the function when you first sign up that basically allows FB to send requests to everyone in your email address book. Is your son using *your* email? That would be a logical possibility.
> 
> That said, you do NOT have to confirm anyone. You can ignore, ignore, ignore. And if you don't even know the person, you can click that the person is unknown to you.


I think you're right about the email, though neither VirginiaHuguenot nor my coworker are in my email address book.

According to this site:

Question: I recently signed up for a Facebook account. I gave Facebook access to my e-mail to find friends. I'd like to turn this feature off. How do I do that?

Answer: When you register with Facebook, *you can let it scour your e-mail account for addresses*. These people can be invited to be your friends on Facebook. Facebook calls this Friend Finder. Changing this is easy. Log in to Facebook. Click Friends and select Find Friends. Look for the Find People You Email section. Click Learn More at the bottom of it. A box will open. Click the link to delete the data from Facebook. On the next page, click Remove.​
I don't like the idea that it "scours" my email account for addresses. I don't think I've emailed Andrew since last Christmas and I don't think I've emailed my coworked since when I was layed off, which was four years ago. I wonder if all the junk mail we receive/delete from time to time is also considered when they look for friends. 

I will check into disabling that function.


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## Idelette (Jul 14, 2010)

Actually, I'm not sure if you can disable that function. If the other person is the one doing the "friend request", then it is they that have your email address and it has probably been automatically pulled in with "Friend Finder". It will automatically find the people that have Facebook based on THEIR email contact list, and suggest they add those people as friends. Some people do it automatically without looking at who's been pulled in, and so the friend requests are sent automatically. (Hence, they may not even recall sending it).

If you don't want people adding your son, then the only thing you can do is set your son's profile to "Private" where no one can search for him or add him. That way no one can send friend requests, only he can.


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## JoyFullMom (Jul 14, 2010)

Yes, have your son go into each of his account settings and change them to *friends only*. That is the most private setting. My daughter, husband and I have the same settings and have no problem. Also check the settings for applications and such. Seems like there are a couple he needs to opt out of. They've changed everything so much, it may no longer be an issue. I think the *latest* change reversed all of that so you can *opt in*, or be automatically out. Just to be on the safe side, check everything.


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## BobVigneault (Jul 15, 2010)

Bob, you should join Facebook yourself and be my friend on it and then you can get to know how it works. Join the 21st century brother. I look forward to your friend request.


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## jwithnell (Jul 15, 2010)

Yes, join in, if for no other reason to keep up with the constantly changing security settings on Facebook. You think you've got everything really private, then they add or change a feature. My friends on Facebook usually alert me long before the change hits the news media.


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## blhowes (Jul 15, 2010)

BobVigneault said:


> Bob, you should join Facebook yourself and be my friend on it and then you can get to know how it works. Join the 21st century brother. I look forward to your friend request.


You know, Bob, I'm old (50+) and set in my ways. Up until now, I saw no reason to join Facebook. But your offer to be my friend is more than sufficient motivation for me to get out of my rocking chair and sign up. I will give it a try.


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## LawrenceU (Jul 15, 2010)

Send me a request, too! I rather particular on who gets in, but you are there, baby!


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## blhowes (Jul 15, 2010)

Ok, step 1 is complete. I opened a Facebook account. Now, for step 2 - how do I find other account so I can make a friend request?


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## Scottish Lass (Jul 15, 2010)

blhowes said:


> Ok, step 1 is complete. I opened a Facebook account. Now, for step 2 - how do I find other account so I can make a friend request?


 
Search for any of us who have mentioned we have accounts using our real names--I show up as Anna C. Phillips, for example. Once one (or more) of us accepts your friend request, you can see who your mutual friends are as well as your new friend's list of friends. If you "friend" me, you'd see my husband's name linked on the left side of my profile, and a sample of my friends, many of whom are on here. You'd click a familiar name and request that friend, too.


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## blhowes (Jul 16, 2010)

Scottish Lass said:


> blhowes said:
> 
> 
> > Ok, step 1 is complete. I opened a Facebook account. Now, for step 2 - how do I find other account so I can make a friend request?
> ...


Thank-you.

Wow - don't mess with this guy ---->


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## BobVigneault (Jul 16, 2010)

I am Bob's first friend. There is NOTHING that could possibly happen today that could eclipse the super nova of delight that I am feeling right now. In fact, three angels just walked in and told me to get my friends and get out of Rockford but you know what, not today, because I'm Bob Howes' first friend. (BTW, the angels had to avert their eyes because the glow from my gloating was so bright.) {Sigh}


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## blhowes (Jul 16, 2010)

BobVigneault said:


> I am Bob's first friend. There is NOTHING that could possibly happen today that could eclipse the super nova of delight that I am feeling right now. In fact, three angels just walked in and told me to get my friends and get out of Rockford but you know what, not today, because I'm Bob Howes' first friend. (BTW, the angels had to avert their eyes because the glow from my gloating was so bright.) {Sigh}


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## blhowes (Jul 16, 2010)

I wish I wasn't at work now, as I'd love to spend more time on Facebook now. Its fascinating. For the fun of it, I searched for High School classmates, clicked on one of them I knew, and saw in his list of friends one of my friends (not listed in the High School search) that I use to hang out with while growing up. Turns out he lives in Tampa, Fl, not far from Largo, Fl, where I've gone on several business trips. I'll have to contact him and maybe I could drop by for a visit on the next trip. - cool!


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## BobVigneault (Jul 16, 2010)

It is cool, Facebook is a wonderful way for everyone you ever owed money to and have been looking for you since you skipped town to find you and get 're-acquainted'.


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## blhowes (Jul 16, 2010)

BobVigneault said:


> It is cool, Facebook is a wonderful way for everyone you ever owed money to and have been looking for you since you skipped town to find you and get 're-acquainted'.


Thanks, I hadn't thought of that...So, how do I close my Facebook account and remove any trace of my participation? Time is of the essence, so any quick replies would be greatly appreciated!!!


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## christiana (Jul 16, 2010)

There is a drop down menu to close your account. I did that once and was off for about six months to reduce time spent on needless things. Now I'm back but exercise more control.

I just delete most all offers of friendship unless it is directly from the person as I dont need 'FaceBook' telling me who to be friends with. Usually I dont even know their suggested people.

Its a good way to keep up with kids and grandkids as I dont see them often enough. This week I got to see my kids on some island off Mexico celebrating their 26th anniversary! Beautiful waters and their kids snorkeling. I'd likely never see such pics without FB.


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## TimV (Jul 16, 2010)

I'm probably friends with 20 plus PB members. It's Tim Vaughan with the smiling bee avatar for any of you who aren't yet.


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## Scottish Lass (Jul 16, 2010)

Bob, you've done a good job making your info private, but the year of your birth is publicly viewable. Some privacy advocates suggest removing just the year if you use your real name to limit info piracy, identity theft, etc.


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## blhowes (Jul 16, 2010)

Scottish Lass said:


> Bob, you've done a good job making your info private, but the year of your birth is publicly viewable. Some privacy advocates suggest removing just the year if you use your real name to limit info piracy, identity theft, etc.


Thanks, Anna. For now, I went ahead and changed all the settings to friends only


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## TexanRose (Jul 16, 2010)

TimV said:


> I'm probably friends with 20 plus PB members. It's Tim Vaughan with the smiling bee avatar for any of you who aren't yet.


 
Funny, I always thought your avatar was a yellow eye on a blue face. It was only when my kid said "what's that?" and I zoomed in on it that I realized it was a bee.


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