# Dealing with a kind of hopelessness and depression as of late.



## Jonathan95 (May 1, 2019)

Hello all. Like the title mentions, I feel pretty terrible. Prayers, advice, scripture, etc. Would be very much appreciated. If I could just write down a few of my thoughts here, it would be a good thing I believe.

I'm 24 years of age. Currently jobless, due to my own stupidity it seems. I served coffee. And I saved money and I used that money to pay off my rent for the rest of summer. I was finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning and I was becoming irritable at work and I just wanted to be done with it.

It got frustrating living without a plan, without ambition for something greater. Just waking up and going to work, at a job I hated mind you. No reason other than to survive. And now that I got a good chunk of rent paid for I couldnt motivate myself to get out of bed in the morning.

And here I've been. Not making the best use of the time at home. Letting nyself waste away. Thoughts that I'd be better off dead than here doing nothing.

I feel discontent with everything. Feel so very frustrated. Forgive me, it's difficult to form my thoughts into words perfectly. Just a lot of feelings of anger and despondency.

Be anxious for nothing, yes I understand. Be content, enjoy the small blessings that God has given each and every day, be thankful and continue to pray. I know but I feel restless and not well at all.

Your prayers are welcome. Thank you.

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## Pergamum (May 1, 2019)

Are you single? If you feel restless, why not get a TESOL certificate to teach English as a 2nd language and go live abroad for awhile.

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## Regi Addictissimus (May 1, 2019)

Pergamum said:


> Are you single? If you feel restless, why not get a TESOL certificate to teach English as a 2nd language and go live abroad for awhile.


This is a great idea.​


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## Reformed Covenanter (May 1, 2019)

As providence would have it, someone who used to attend my congregation before moving to England has written a blog post that may be of use to you on Headaches, heartache and healing. The reflections on the Psalms in Christian experience are particularly useful.

Jonathan, as good Calvinists ascribing everything to sin is often our first port of call (and often for good reason). In your case, however, I get the impression that the situation is not as simple as that.



Jonathan95 said:


> I'm 24 years of age. Currently jobless, due to my own stupidity it seems. I served coffee. And I saved money and I used that money to pay off my rent for the rest of summer. I was finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning and I was becoming irritable at work and I just wanted to be done with it.



I suspect that your inability to work is caused by depression rather than vice-versa.



Jonathan95 said:


> It got frustrating living without a plan, without ambition for something greater. Just waking up and going to work, at a job I hated mind you. No reason other than to survive. And now that I got a good chunk of rent paid for I couldnt motivate myself to get out of bed in the morning.



My own problems with depression as a 19 year old began because I was struggling with a job that I was not able to do well and, as someone who had left school at 16, felt as if I was wasting my life by not having gone to university.



Jonathan95 said:


> And here I've been. Not making the best use of the time at home. Letting nyself waste away. Thoughts that I'd be better off dead than here doing nothing.



These situations are exceedingly difficult to cope with or to comprehend. When you are laid aside from productive work, you do wonder what is the point of having to keep on living. One point that @Afterthought made somewhere in another thread a while ago now really helped me. He said that we are often like children who want to play with electricity mains who get upset when their parents forbid them to do so. We often make the same mistake with God and forget that he knows what is best for us.

As a note to everyone else, I would advise against making suggestions about "Why don't you do such and such?" when you do not know for definite if the person is capable of such things.

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## JimmyH (May 1, 2019)

I've prayed for you for God to lift you out of this 'slough of despond,' and I've spent some time in it myself. As for advice, if you don't find a job, have nothing to occupy your time then exercise. Brisk walking is therapeutic, as well as a healthful pursuit that can produce a feeling of well being, and occupies time. Callisthenics also. They tone muscle which supports your skeletal frame, and this gives a feeling of well being too. 

More importantly praying yourself. Going through a very stressful period of a year, that ended well 6 months ago, I learned what Paul meant when he said 'pray without ceasing.' If 'all things work together for good, to them that love the Lord, and are called according to His purpose', I thought that perhaps my trials and tribulations were chastisement, or/and His working sanctification within me. It certainly brought me closer to Him. 

You mention being familiar with Philippines 4. Many nights I have been on my knees asking God to give me the gift of being content whether in want, or in abundance. Days suppressing anxiety by remembering our Lord's discourse on the 'birds of the air', the lillies of the field.' 

Then there is the adversary, the Devil. The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God. Cast down imaginations. Use the 'Sword of the Spirit', the Holy Word of God to give yourself that Shield of Faith. Finally, if this is a passing period of depression I think most of us go through them.

If it is long term 'clinical' type of thing perhaps you should see your pastor, your session. Depression literally killed my mother, and it was a long 20 year period of ups, downs, culminating in her death. So examine yourself and if you need help reach out for it.


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## Jonathan95 (May 1, 2019)

Reformed Covenanter said:


> As providence would have it, someone who used to attend my congregation before moving to England has written a blog post that may be of use to you on Headaches, heartache and healing. The reflections on the Psalms in Christian experience are particularly useful.
> 
> Jonathan, as good Calvinists ascribing everything to sin is often our first port of call (and often for good reason). In your case, however, I get the impression that the situation is not as simple as that.
> 
> ...




Thank you very much. Ill check out that blog post. And I'll go ahead and head to the nearest clinic and see if I can get this depression checked out. Thanks again.

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## Jeri Tanner (May 1, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> Just a lot of feelings of anger and despondency.


For those who have dealt with serious depression in your life, what are your thoughts on the link between anger and depression? I know that for myself, there is a definite link. Every time I’ve been depressed I believe anger has been behind it. It can be complex. 

Jonathan, praying for you, that the Lord will help you see and give you the strength to do.

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## JimmyH (May 1, 2019)

Jeri Tanner said:


> For those who have dealt with serious depression in your life, what are your thoughts on the link between anger and depression? I know that for myself, there is a definite link. Every time I’ve been depressed I believe anger has been behind it. It can be complex.
> 
> Jonathan, praying for you, that the Lord will help you see and give you the strength to do.


Jeri I've seen depression defined as 'anger turned inward.' From my experience, for myself, and observing significant others, it is an apt description. I've also seen it described as the smallest package in the world. A person all wrapped up in themselves. This is why service, being involved in your church, donating time to disabled, nursing homes, can be therapeutic as well. Getting out of that smallest package.

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## Jonathan95 (May 1, 2019)

JimmyH said:


> Jeri I've seen depression defined as 'anger turned inward.' From my experience, for myself, and observing significant others, it is an apt description. I've also seen it described as the smallest package in the world. A person all wrapped up in themselves. This is why service, being involved in your church, donating time to disabled, nursing homes, can be therapeutic as well. Getting out of that smallest package.



It makes sense. A lot of times I feel as if im paralyzed by indecision, locked inside my own head with nothing but my thoughts. I'm really good at analyzing situations but sometimes it's too much. Same reason I hate buffets. Too many choices, just give me what I need to eat and I'm good.

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## Reformed Covenanter (May 1, 2019)

Jeri Tanner said:


> For those who have dealt with serious depression in your life, what are your thoughts on the link between anger and depression? I know that for myself, there is a definite link. Every time I’ve been depressed I believe anger has been behind it. It can be complex.





JimmyH said:


> Jeri I've seen depression defined as 'anger turned inward.' From my experience, for myself, and observing significant others, it is an apt description. I've also seen it described as the smallest package in the world. A person all wrapped up in themselves. This is why service, being involved in your church, donating time to disabled, nursing homes, can be therapeutic as well. Getting out of that smallest package.



I am going to respectfully dissent from these conclusions and affirm that depression/melancholy is primarily a medical/mental health problem and should be treated as such. It may be the case that God inflicts depression on some angry people as a chastisement for their anger, but there is no necessary connection between the two things. It may also be the case that some depressed/melancholy people are more prone to the sin of unlawful anger than others, but, again, that does not mean that there is a necessary link between this sort of medical condition and being angry.



Jonathan95 said:


> It makes sense. A lot of times I feel as if im paralyzed by indecision, locked inside my own head with nothing but my thoughts. I'm really good at analyzing situations but sometimes it's too much. Same reason I hate buffets. Too many choices, just give me what I need to eat and I'm good.



I think that you are suffering from mental blocks. I do not know what the solution to such a problem is, so I would ask your physician for help. I likewise suffer from the same problem. I find it very difficult to organise or indeed do anything that is not related to academic work. If I even so much as do some work around the house (such as ironing or hoovering), it can leave me unable to function for hours. Also, someone asked me to e-mail him several weeks ago but I still have not got around to doing so owing to a mental block. Again, I am sorry that I cannot offer a solution to such a problem. It is not as simple as getting up and getting on with it.

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## Jonathan95 (May 1, 2019)

Reformed Covenanter said:


> I am going to respectfully dissent from these conclusions and affirm that depression/melancholy is primarily a medical/mental health problem and should be treated as such. It may be the case that God inflicts depression on some angry people as a chastisement for their anger, but there is no necessary connection between the two things. It may also be the case that some depressed/melancholy people are more prone to the sin of unlawful anger than others, but, again, that does not mean that there is a necessary link between this sort of medical condition and being angry.
> 
> 
> 
> I think that you are suffering from mental blocks. I do not know what the solution to such a problem is, so I would ask your physician for help. I likewise suffer from the same problem. I find it very difficult to organise or indeed do anything that is not related to academic work. If I even so much as do some work around the house (such as ironing or hoovering), it can leave me unable to function for hours. Also, someone asked me to e-mail him several weeks ago but I still have not got around to doing so owing to a mental block. Again, I am sorry that I cannot offer a solution to such a problem. It is not as simple as getting up and getting on with it.


Yeah im the same way. I'll see if I can get checked out asap.


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## gjensen (May 1, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> Thoughts that I'd be better off dead



When you begin to have thoughts like this, you have have fallen into a dark place. Please get help now. The many suggestions are good, but one thing at a time, and this is the priority.

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## gjensen (May 1, 2019)

Anger can be a symptom of depression, and depression can be a consequence. Depression can be primary or secondary.


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## TylerRay (May 1, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> Hello all. Like the title mentions, I feel pretty terrible. Prayers, advice, scripture, etc. Would be very much appreciated. If I could just write down a few of my thoughts here, it would be a good thing I believe.
> 
> I'm 24 years of age. Currently jobless, due to my own stupidity it seems. I served coffee. And I saved money and I used that money to pay off my rent for the rest of summer. I was finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning and I was becoming irritable at work and I just wanted to be done with it.
> 
> ...


I recommend going to the nearest temp service and getting a job where you can work 40-50 hours a week. Idleness is a sin, and you'll be unhappy as long as you're idle.

There's a lot more to depression than that, but it's a good starting point. I say this as someone who has struggled with depression off and on since a preteen.

Get all the help you can, but as long as you're idle, it's not likely to do you much good.

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## Reformed Covenanter (May 1, 2019)

TylerRay said:


> I recommend going to the nearest temp service a getting a job where you can work 40-50 hours a week. Idleness is a sin, and you'll be unhappy as long as you're idle.



Idleness is a sin, but it is not a sin to refrain from work if you are not reasonably capable of working. In fact, not to stop or cut down in such circumstances is violating the sixth commandment. Judging from the information we have here, this person _may_ not be reasonably capable of working as a result of melancholy. It is difficult for us to say for definite as our knowledge of the person in question is limited to interaction on the internet, but I do not think that jumping to the conclusion that "you are in sin" is a good idea. 

Keep in mind that many of our forebears had to step down from ministry or take extended breaks from work owing to melancholy. Having said that, if it is a case of mild depression, which I do not think that it is in this case, one of the worst things that you can do is to stop working.


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## Reformed Covenanter (May 1, 2019)

Also, judging by previous discussions of this nature I get the impression that many of us tend to conflate depression/melancholy with either spiritual desertion or a lack of assurance. Gisbertus Voetius has a useful discussion of the difference between these things on pp 38-40 of this book. (It is on sale at the minute, so all the more reason to buy it. Take a note of this free plug, @Reformed Bookworm.)

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## Reformed Covenanter (May 1, 2019)

In fact, here is a brief extract from Gibertus Voetius on the above subject.

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## Reformed Covenanter (May 1, 2019)

@Jonathan95, in view of @TylerRay's exhortation above, may I ask you how many hours you were working, on average, a week when you were serving coffee? It is possible that you may have had too much time on your hands? Of course, I recognise that that could not be the case at all and that the depression is totally unrelated to your working hours.


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## Jonathan95 (May 1, 2019)

Reformed Covenanter said:


> @Jonathan95, in view of @TylerRay's exhortation above, may I ask you how many hours you were working, on average, a week when you were serving coffee? It is possible that you may have had too much time on your hands? Of course, I recognise that that could not be the case at all and that the depression is totally unrelated to your working hours.



I worked anywhere between 80 and 103 hours biweekly. Understaffed so we pretty much had guaranteed overtime.


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## Reformed Covenanter (May 1, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> I worked anywhere between 80 and 103 hours biweekly. Understaffed so we pretty much had guaranteed overtime.



Thanks for your reply, Jonathan. Given that you were pretty busy, I think that we can exclude idleness as the cause of your depression.


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## User20004000 (May 1, 2019)

Have you approached a pastor or elder at your local church? This board has much wisdom but in such cases, talking and and praying with someone seems invaluable.

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## Jonathan95 (May 1, 2019)

RWD said:


> Have you approached a pastor or elder at your local church? This board has much wisdom but in such cases, talking and and praying with someone seems invaluable.



I have yes. As to how they responed, they let me know that they are praying for me. And that I should seek out a doctor. Which is what I am doing. Today I made an appointnent for Friday. I assure you, my congregation knows that I am struggling.


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## User20004000 (May 1, 2019)

Ok. I just hope you weren’t passed on too quickly, for their sake too. If you should be in need of medicine, I get that, but it’s not as if one-on-one shepherding isn’t still a good idea.

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## Pergamum (May 1, 2019)

Jonathan,

My wife and I are RNs and I worked as a counselor on a psych ward for the military for over 3 years after doing about the equivalent of a half a masters in counseling.

Doctors very quickly go to medication. But Prozac and other meds have long-term impacts on the brain structure and may inhibit you from functioning normally without the meds. It might be needed, but maybe not. Many US docs hand out meds like candy. 

https://blog.sfgate.com/wchung/2011/03/15/prozac-induced-brain-changes-linked-to-unstable-behavior/

https://www.bmj.com/content/358/bmj.j3697/rr-4

https://www.brainblogger.com/2017/12/22/the-dangers-of-antidepressants/

https://www.verywellmind.com/long-term-effects-of-antidepressants-4158064

"In 2016, the medical journal _Patient Preference and Adherence _published a paper looking at what people taking antidepressants long-term had to say about the side effects that they've seen. Overall, they did say they were less depressed and had a better quality of life because of the drugs, but about 30 percent still said they had moderate or severe depression.

The main side effects they complained about included:

Sexual problems (72 percent), including inability to reach orgasm (65 percent)
Weight gain (65 percent)
Feeling emotionally numb (65 percent)
Not feeling like themselves (54 percent)
Reduced positive feelings (46 percent)
Feeling as if they're addicted (43 percent)
Caring less about other people (36 percent)
Feeling suicidal (36 percent)"
Read that again, 72% of people on depression meds report sexual side-effects and 65% an inability to orgasm. 65% report weight gain... these meds cause more harm than good in many cases. I would caution anyone (especially if they are married) not to take these meds.

Try to raise your mood naturally first and do not neglect the physical and earthly things:

1. Exercise: If you are out of shape, your body won't work (including your brain). Go jog or work out.
2. Nature: nature raises your mood. Go jog or run in nature. Get some Vitamin N.
3. Good food. Pleasant and nutritious food can help raise your mood. Not just nutritionally, but emotionally as well. Have a nice dinner with some red wine.
4. Eat with friends: cultivate friendships and have social meals with them.
5. Get sunlight.
6. Get human affection: Are you single? Finding a spouse can help, physical touch and affection is good for the mood. 
7. Sleep: Make sure you sleep good.
8. Vitamins: Some vitamins might help. Magnesium helps calm folks and aids sleep. 
9. Travel to new places or try new things: this seems to keep us excited and awakens our sense of wonder, curiosity, etc.


Then there are more mental/emotional things you can do:

A. Maybe you feel you are in a rut in a dead-end job. Can you change that?
B. Maybe you are bored with your present circumstances. Can you change that. I was serious when I suggested learning TESOL and moving overseas to explore another country and teach. I'd be depressed, too, if I worked the same job for years that I didn't like with much overtime. 
C. How are your relationships? Do you have a girlfriend? Are you near family or friends? How social are you?
D. You seem to have identified some of the causes of your depression yourself by stating that you don't go to work and sleep a lot and don't leave the apartment. 

I had a summer job I hated as a teen. It was at a nursing home dealing with old and dying people. The smells were bad, it was depressing, plus very hard work (lifting folks to help them all day). I worked one summer there, but the summer afterwards I went part-time instead of full-time and then PRN (calling in to ask for shifts)...and over time I just stopped calling in for shifts because I hated the job so badly and felt like a hamster running in a wheel and not getting anywhere but more tired. I did not get depressed, but I did spend some days bummed out thinking about going to work on a 12-hour shift the next day. When I quit the job, my mood lifted and I was glad to be free.

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## Jonathan95 (May 1, 2019)

Pergamum said:


> Jonathan,
> 
> My wife and I are RNs and I worked as a counselor on a psych ward for the military for over 3 years after doing about the equivalent of a half a masters in counseling.
> 
> ...



My man. I totally get where you're coming from. It's the fatigue though that's really stopping me from doing anything else. I would love to go out and do this and that and exercise and so on. Thing is, im tired. All the time. Despite the healthy meals, despite the kind of job, etc.

The only rhing I know is that I feel terrible. And if a doctor is going to hand pills out like candy I mean, it is what it is. Maybe it'll help, maybe not. I don't know. But everyone is telling me to try. So I'm going to. But thank you for taking the time to write all of that out. I appreciate the concern and care you've put into your responses. Means a lot.


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## Pergamum (May 1, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> My man. I totally get where you're coming from. It's the fatigue though that's really stopping me from doing anything else. I would love to go out and do this and that and exercise and so on. Thing is, im tired. All the time. Despite the healthy meals, despite the kind of job, etc.
> 
> The only rhing I know is that I feel terrible. And if a doctor is going to hand pills out like candy I mean, it is what it is. Maybe it'll help, maybe not. I don't know. But everyone is telling me to try. So I'm going to. But thank you for taking the time to write all of that out. I appreciate the concern and care you've put into your responses. Means a lot.



If you are that fatigued, there might be an organic cause. Remove the physical cause and maybe the mood will lift. 

My situation: I've never been prone to depression. But last year I got my 23rd case of malaria and my liver, spleen, and gallbladder all swelled up. I felt so horrible that I could not do anything and could not even sleep due to pain. So I suffered a very deep depression. I also had a strange MRI (not sure why, maybe my malarial went cerebral or I had another parasite..they discovered other parasites as well). I took xanax for a month to sleep..and when I got off I had VERY strange thoughts. 

But as my physical health improved my mood and hopefullness also improved as well. We are one holistic being and bad physical health can lead to bad mental health. 


How is your physical health? What are you doing to maintain physical health?


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## Jonathan95 (May 1, 2019)

Pergamum said:


> If you are that fatigued, there might be an organic cause. Remove the physical cause and maybe the mood will lift.
> 
> My situation: I've never been prone to depression. But last year I got my 23rd case of malaria and my liver, spleen, and gallbladder all swelled up. I felt so horrible that I could not do anything and could not even sleep due to pain. So I suffered a very deep depression. I also had a strange MRI (not sure why, maybe my malarial went cerebral or I had another parasite..they discovered other parasites as well). I took xanax for a month to sleep..and when I got off I had VERY strange thoughts.
> 
> ...



I don't understand these questions. I have no clue how my physical health is. Feels normal. Hence, why i need to head over the the doc's office to check things out. Im the same as I always been. I'm not sick if that's what you're asking. This all seems besides the point.


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## Pergamum (May 1, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> I don't understand these questions. I have no clue how my physical health is. Feels normal. Hence, why i need to head over the the doc's office to check things out. Im the same as I always been. I'm not sick if that's what you're asking. This all seems besides the point.



You don't have a clue about how your physical health is? Are you fat, skinny, strong weak? Do you sleep well? Can you walk up stairs without puffing? Do you have clear skin or acne? Do you break a sweat a few times a week (that is healthy)? You can be unhealthy without having a sickness... lot of folks eat junk food and lay about. This is very relevant. Physical health affects mental health and vice versa.

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## A.Joseph (May 1, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> Hello all. Like the title mentions, I feel pretty terrible. Prayers, advice, scripture, etc. Would be very much appreciated. If I could just write down a few of my thoughts here, it would be a good thing I believe.
> 
> I'm 24 years of age. Currently jobless, due to my own stupidity it seems. I served coffee. And I saved money and I used that money to pay off my rent for the rest of summer. I was finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning and I was becoming irritable at work and I just wanted to be done with it.
> 
> ...


You are not alone, I’ve been there... My 19 year old has been there and still has his days. He’s only working part time right now and I’m not pressuring him. Don’t get discouraged.God has a plan & purpose for you! You will be ok!

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## OPC'n (May 1, 2019)

Jeri Tanner said:


> For those who have dealt with serious depression in your life, what are your thoughts on the link between anger and depression? I know that for myself, there is a definite link. Every time I’ve been depressed I believe anger has been behind it. It can be complex.
> 
> Jonathan, praying for you, that the Lord will help you see and give you the strength to do.



There is a huge link between anger and depression for me. My depression isn't chemically based it's situational depression. I become depressed when I'm not reading the Bible or praying as I should....basically when I'm not being obedient to God or when I'm off from work for one reason or another. I then become discontented with everything in my life which leads to anger and impatience. A lot of people have chemically based depression so you can't just tell them to shape up with God or get a job etc. But even people with chemically based depression having a solid foundation of faithfulness to God will help them versus not having that foundation at all. 

Another thing I'd like to mention which might help those who are fighting depression is adding Vitamin D to your diet (the liquid capsules). My sister's psych MD suggested it to her and it has done wonders for her and she fights severe depression. It may or may not help but there's no harm in trying it. Also, add a calcium.

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## Jonathan95 (May 1, 2019)

Pergamum said:


> You don't have a clue about how your physical health is? Are you fat, skinny, strong weak? Do you sleep well? Can you walk up stairs without puffing? Do you have clear skin or acne? Do you break a sweat a few times a week (that is healthy)? You can be unhealthy without having a sickness... lot of folks eat junk food and lay about. This is very relevant. Physical health affects mental health and vice versa.


I gotcha. I'm normal. Average weight for my height. Clear face, not super strong but not super weak lol. I was recently a chimney sweep, had to lug a ton of bricks to and from a high rooftop, I'm just your average 24yo. That's what I mean. I feel fine. But at the same time, definitely not fine. Im down. Don't wanna do anything. It's fatigue, lack of motivation and ambition. I'm just down. That's the best description I can give. Down.

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## Jeri Tanner (May 1, 2019)

OPC'n said:


> There is a huge link between anger and depression for me. My depression isn't chemically based it's situational depression. I become depressed when I'm not reading the Bible or praying as I should....basically when I'm not being obedient to God or when I'm off from work for one reason or another. I then become discontented with everything in my life which leads to anger and impatience. A lot of people have chemically based depression so you can't just tell them to shape up with God or get a job etc. But even people with chemically based depression having a solid foundation of faithfulness to God will help them versus not having that foundation at all.


Yes, just the same with me, Sarah, including the situational pattern.


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## Jerusalem Blade (May 2, 2019)

Daniel, just purchased Voetius' book - thanks for the heads-up on that - this sort of thing is a deep interest of mine (phenomena of the heart and mind in believers). 

Jonathan, and Sarah and Jeri, I'll remember you when I talk with the Saviour.

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## Jeri Tanner (May 2, 2019)

Jerusalem Blade said:


> Jonathan, and Sarah and Jeri, I'll remember you when I talk with the Saviour.


Thank you Steve! I need prayer mostly for good and godly habits to continue to grow stronger, especially under duress. Like Sarah, when I stay occupied with good things, consistency with prayer and Bible reading, etc, and other duties to church and family and neighbor— my spirits are good. And I think this is applicable to any believer, whether a tendency to melancholy is chemical or situational.

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## JimmyH (May 2, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> I gotcha. I'm normal. Average weight for my height. Clear face, not super strong but not super weak lol. I was recently a chimney sweep, had to lug a ton of bricks to and from a high rooftop, I'm just your average 24yo. That's what I mean. I feel fine. But at the same time, definitely not fine. Im down. Don't wanna do anything. It's fatigue, lack of motivation and ambition. I'm just down. That's the best description I can give. Down.


Jonathan, take an old man's advice ... Idle hands are the devil's playthings, get a job or begin to force yourself to get out and do things. Even if it is walking a mile or two with no particular destination. Activity makes the time pass, and is a proven mood elevator.

I think, from reflecting on my own life as a young man, and now as an old one, that you are angry at your circumstances, and at yourself for being in those circumstances. Hence creating this malaise. I say that because I've been there and done that.

When I get into that frame of mind, and believe me, at 70 years old I still do ... Like Paul in Philippines 3,"forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." It isn't just about quoting the particular Scripture and thinking about it for a minute or two.

I have to apply it and do what it takes to change my thinking/attitude. I have no living family, live by myself, and retired 5 years now. No one to tell me to get up an do this or that. I have to be the driver to survive or not. With the help of the Lord I do what Paul said. When Satan brings those thoughts into my cranium I have to say 'get thee behind me Satan', and remember the high calling. Force myself to get into action even when I don't want to. So my prescription is see a doctor, but in the meanwhile try activity if inactivity isn't working. What do you have to lose ?

When you go to a doctor don't go to a psyche guy to begin with. Go to a GP and tell him what you've explained here. Get a physical and see if there is something in your blood work that accounts for your fatigue besides your inactivity. If it turns out you have a chemical imbalance at the root of your depression than you'll need physcotropic meds, but if you don't need them, and begin to take them, that would compound the problem AFAIC. Reread Perg and Sarah's posts.

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## Jonathan95 (May 2, 2019)

JimmyH said:


> Jonathan, take an old man's advice ... Idle hands are the devil's playthings, get a job or begin to force yourself to get out and do things. Even if it is walking a mile or two with no particular destination. Activity makes the time pass, and is a proven mood elevator.
> 
> I think, from reflecting on my own life as a young man, and now as an old one, that you are angry at your circumstances, and at yourself for being in those circumstances. Hence creating this malaise. I say that because I've been there and done that.
> 
> ...



It's too hard. I've tried,I get up, leave the horse, start walking, and and my mood isn't lifting but I just get angry. The more I'm forced to think in solitude about my own life, the more frustrated, the more unsettled and angry I get. I've done what you've suggested and I know that it's wrong to get as impatient and angry as I do. But I cant seem to stop myself. I quit my job because I was bored, and frustrated almost always. Working for no reason with no goal in mind, nothing to achieve, just for the sake of it. As normal and okay as that should be, it's not for me. And i do get feelings of despair and hopelessness. And I dont know how to stop. Either by prayer or willpower.

And yes I have a Drs appointment for tomorrow. Just a physical, for a full work up. Im not trying to jump straight to meds. I really do want to be checked out. But ive been on anti depressants before. And I'll have to mention that.


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## LadyCalvinist (May 2, 2019)

Jonathan, I have had several bouts of depression and I know how rough it can be. You feel like you are in a pit and you can't get out, sometimes you feel like that this will last forever, but it doesn't, it really doesn't. Hold on, just hold on and cry out the Lord. I am currently going through a rough time with problems at work and the death of my father. I thank God that I have Christian friends who are praying for me. Also, try reading the Psalms, I have found much wisdom and comfort in them.

Do something that makes you feel good. A long hot bath, listen to your favorite music, watch your favorite video, eat your favorite food, but above all else hold on to Jesus. Some days, I can barely get out of bed but I know that it will, one day, pass. I will pray for you.

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## Jonathan95 (May 2, 2019)

LadyCalvinist said:


> Jonathan, I have had several bouts of depression and I know how rough it can be. You feel like you are in a pit and you can't get out, sometimes you feel like that this will last forever, but it doesn't, it really doesn't. Hold on, just hold on and cry out the Lord. I am currently going through a rough time with problems at work and the death of my father. I thank God that I have Christian friends who are praying for me. Also, try reading the Psalms, I have found much wisdom and comfort in them.
> 
> Do something that makes you feel good. A long hot bath, listen to your favorite music, watch your favorite video, eat your favorite food, but above all else hold on to Jesus. Some days, I can barely get out of bed but I know that it will, one day, pass. I will pray for you.



Thank you. Ive been reading a lot of Ecclesiastes lately. I'm trying to fear the Lord and keep His commandments while at the same time, enjoying life's small pleasures and simple blessings that come down from God. It's hard. It is. But I still have faith. I still love Him. Praise His name for that. It's just hard. That's all. Thank you for your prayers. I'm sorry for your loss..i ask that God will be a real comfort to you as well.


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## Pergamum (May 2, 2019)

If you feel a lot of anger, take some boxing or MMA or Jui-jitsu classes and this will provide a controlled environment to blow off steam, and may give you a goal. Exercise helps, and hitting or choking people feels good.

If you are angry with your circumstances, what is necessary to change those circumstnaces? Can you join the army, get job training, move overseas, get a different job that you like?

Sorry to hear about the death of your father. No doubt this has contributed to your mood.


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## Jonathan95 (May 2, 2019)

Pergamum said:


> If you feel a lot of anger, take some boxing or MMA or Jui-jitsu classes and this will provide a controlled environment to blow off steam, and may give you a goal. Exercise helps, and hitting or choking people feels good.
> 
> If you are angry with your circumstances, what is necessary to change those circumstnaces? Can you join the army, get job training, move overseas, get a different job that you like?
> 
> Sorry to hear about the death of your father. No doubt this has contributed to your mood.



I barely feel motivated enough to get out of bed let alone do some type of exercise. Perhaps one of these days I will. For now it's a no go. Though I appreciate your words. Thank you.

Also, it wasn't *my* father that passed, that was another user who posted above mine.


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## Pergamum (May 2, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> I barely feel motivated enough to get out of bed let alone do some type of exercise. Perhaps one of these days I will. For now it's a no go. Though I appreciate your words. Thank you.
> 
> Also, it wasn't *my* father that passed, that was another user who posted above mine.



I think you need to push yourself. Fake it until you make it. If you are tired, go out in the park and lay down there instead of laying about at home only. Go feed the birds and nap there.

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## Jonathan95 (May 2, 2019)

Pergamum said:


> I think you need to push yourself. Fake it until you make it. If you are tired, go out in the park and lay down there instead of laying about at home only. Go feed the birds and nap there.


Yeah. Thanks.


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## Jerusalem Blade (May 8, 2019)

Hello Jonathan,

Could you talk a little about your walk with Christ, and your prayer life—how it is between you and Him?


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## TheInquirer (May 8, 2019)

This may not apply to you whatsoever so take it for it is (free advice on the Internet).

When I was feeling very sorry for myself the other day and starting to get into depression mode where the negative thoughts overwhelm everything else, I listened to a sermon by RC Sproul on the glory of Christ as the meaning for the creation of the world and my soul did a complete 180 from sorrow to joy. This was after I tried all kinds of other things to get my mind out of the rut it was in. Reading was extremely difficult as I had a hard time concentrating on the words as the negative thoughts kept crowding out everything else. So I turned to listening instead of reading and that really helped.

For me, there is something about repeated exposure to the truth of the glory of God that really fights negative moods for me. It lifts my eyes from myself to the one of infinite greatness and worth and feeds my soul.

I've also found that when I am feeling sorry for myself, my soul often needs rebuke and not coddling. It seems counter-intuitive since when you are in that state you feel very delicate like you can't handle any kind of rebuke. But for me, that is often exactly what I need since being consumed with myself and my situation is what is dragging me down. I'm focused entirely on my weakness and sorry state and powerlessness to change my situation. Instead, I know my soul needs to shift radically from myself to the Lord and repent of making my life all about me and not about Him and His glory. I need to focus on His great power and not my great weakness and inability.

So I would say for me, the formula for fighting depression is radical, thorough confession and repentance of all known sin and a focus on the glory of God.

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## J.L. Allen (May 8, 2019)

This was fantastic on the topic. 

https://reformedforum.org/tsp156/


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## Jonathan95 (May 8, 2019)

I just want to thank everyone for the prayers and support. I was abke to gey checked out and put on meds that have essentially lifted the fog off of my life. Praise God. The fatigue is pretty much nonexistent and I feel as if I havr energy to do all that I want and need to do. Thank you once again. Love you guys.

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## KMK (May 8, 2019)

Make a commitment to start each day with this.

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## Jonathan95 (May 8, 2019)

KMK said:


> Make a commitment to start each day with this.


Haha, this is actually my bible reading plan!


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## KMK (May 8, 2019)

Awesome! I will continue to pray. Don't beat yourself up about being depressed (that only makes it worse.) Wait patiently and prayerful for the Lord, and he will bring good things to pass.

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## Jeri Tanner (May 8, 2019)

Rejoicing, Jonathan.

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## A.Joseph (May 8, 2019)

Jonathan95 said:


> I just want to thank everyone for the prayers and support. I was abke to gey checked out and put on meds that have essentially lifted the fog off of my life. Praise God. The fatigue is pretty much nonexistent and I feel as if I havr energy to do all that I want and need to do. Thank you once again. Love you guys.


I’m so happy for you! Stay the course!

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## JimmyH (May 8, 2019)

Great news ! That is my Bible reading plan too by the way. Also check out D.A. Carson's commentary on the daily/nightly readings and it adds tremendously. Volume 1 for the morning, and volume 2 the evening readings.

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## Reformed Covenanter (May 9, 2019)

Timothy Rogers on depression and diversions - a post that may correct some misconceptions.

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## Reformed Covenanter (May 20, 2019)

For future reference, here are a couple of other extracts from Timothy Rogers:

Timothy Rogers on severe depression and incapacity

Timothy Rogers on melancholy as a formidable disease

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