# Irish Joke of the Day



## Marrow Man (Mar 17, 2009)

I heard this one on the radio today.

A Irishman is walking along the beach. He finds a bottle and rubs it; out comes a genie. The genie agrees to grant him three wishes.

The Irishman says, "I've been walking on this beach all day. I'm thirsty. I wish I could have a mug of beer that never ends." Poof, a frosty mug of beer appears in his hand. He drinks it down and sure enough, it fills itself back up again.

So the Irishman drinks that mug down. And it magically refills. He drinks again; it refills again. By this time he's beginning to feel the effects, but the genie is also getting a big irritated. He's tapping his feet, looking at his watch, etc., and finally the genie says, "I got places to be. Have you decided on your other two wishes?"

The Irishman, staggering around by this time, looks at the mug as it fills up again, thinks for a minute, and says, "Yeah, just give me two more of these."


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## Solus Christus (Mar 17, 2009)

Well since you did the joke of the day, here's one for tomorrow (when it's no longer relevant).

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" 

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. 

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." 
"Of Course," replies the second man. 

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" 
"Dublin," comes the reply. 
"I can't believe it," says the first man. 
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man. 

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: 
"What school did you go to?" 
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. 
"I graduated in '62." 

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. 
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. 
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. 
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."


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## smhbbag (Mar 17, 2009)

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?











13. One to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink until the room starts spinning.


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## kvanlaan (Mar 17, 2009)

I can't recall the joke, I only remember the intro by a comedian who began with: "Once upon a time, there was a drunk Irishman, which, by the way, is redundant..."


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## Kevin (Mar 17, 2009)

2 irishmen walk out of a bar.

(insert rimshot here)


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## Theognome (Mar 17, 2009)

Two Irishmen walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

Theognome


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## CalvinandHodges (Mar 18, 2009)

Why are there so few Irish lawyers?



Ans. Because they can't get past the Bar!


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## LawrenceU (Mar 18, 2009)

Why are all the Dubliners running outside at daybreak holding glasses in the air?

The morning's weather forecast called for a wee nip in the air.

*******

An Irish man who had moved to the States was dreadfully lonely. One evening on the way home from work he took a new route and passed a pub. He strolled in and felt right at home. He went to the bar and asked the keep, 'Sir, could you pour me thee rounds o' your best whiskey?' The bar keeper obliged. The man quickly downed the rounds, said his thanks, left his tip and strolled out the drawer. He did this again the following day, and the next, and the next. One day the barkeep asked the man why he always came in, ordered three shots of whiskey, quickly drank them, and then left.

The man replied, 'You see, back home in Dublin my elderly father, brother and I all worked in the same shop. On the way home we would always duck into the pub and have a quick dram before going home to the missus. I miss my family and I'm drinking in honour of them.' Deeply touched the barkeep told him the drinks were on him.

The man continued this routine until Spring. Then one day he came in and ordered two drinks. The barkeep was taken aback. He'd already set the glasses when he saw the man stroll into the bar. His eyes moistened. He asked the Irishman, 'Was it your dad? Has he passed?'

The Irishman looking somber and grieving replied, 'Ah, no. It is just that I've been to the doctor and I must quit drinking.'


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## Marrow Man (Mar 18, 2009)

How do you make an Irishman cry?

Say "last call."


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## BobVigneault (Mar 18, 2009)

What is a seven course Irish dinner?



A six-pack and a potato.


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## Hamalas (Mar 18, 2009)




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## PresbyDane (Mar 18, 2009)




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## Glenn Ferrell (Mar 18, 2009)

*The difference between the three Celtic peoples:*

The Scots keep the Sabbath and everything else they can lay their hands on.

The Welsh pray on their knees on Sunday, and prey on everyone else the other days of the week.

The Irish don’t know what they want and will fight anyone for it.


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## Theognome (Mar 18, 2009)

You can always tell an Irishman. You just can't tell him much.

Theognome


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## jambo (Mar 18, 2009)

A Welshman, Scotsman and Irishman meet for the first time. The Welshman is asked his name and says "I was born on St Davids day so my parents called me David."

The Scotsman was most surprised. "Well that is truly amazing. I was born on St Andrews day so they called me Andrew."

The Irishman replied that he was truly staggered that all three in the one one room were called after the day they were born on. 

"So you're called Patrick then." Comented the Welshman

"No," replied the Irishman, "its Pancake"


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## LawrenceU (Mar 18, 2009)

jambo said:


> A Welshman, Scotsman and Irishman meet for the first time. The Welshman is asked his name and says "I was born on St Davids day so my parents called me David."
> 
> The Scotsman was most surprised. "Well that is truly amazing. I was born on St Andrews day so they called me Andrew."
> 
> ...


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## Michael (Mar 18, 2009)

The brewmasters of 3 major beer companies decide to step away from a beer festival and go to a local pub...

The first was from Mexico. He walks in, approaches the bar and says, "Hola bartender, I would like to have the finest beer in the world. Give me a Dos Equis, por favor."

The second was from Holland. "Bartender, give me the finest beer in the world, a Heineken." 

The third was the head of Guinness brewery at St. James Gate in Dublin. He takes a look around and then orders, "Bartender, I'll have a Coke please."

The other two give a puzzled look and finally ask, "Why a Coke?"

The brewmaster from Guinness answers, "Well, I figured if you lads weren't drinking beer yet I could hold off for a wee bit."


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## Rich Koster (Mar 18, 2009)

Barry O'Bama


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## Jon 316 (Mar 18, 2009)

How do you confuse and Irish Man?





Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick.


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## Hamalas (Mar 18, 2009)

Ezekiel16 said:


> The brewmasters of 3 major beer companies decide to step away from a beer festival and go to a local pub...
> 
> The first was from Mexico. He walks in, approaches the bar and says, "Hola bartender, I would like to have the finest beer in the world. Give me a Dos Equis, por favor."
> 
> ...


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## Berean (Mar 18, 2009)

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."


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