# The Puritan View of Marriage, Sex, Divorce, and Family



## ChristianTrader

_Introduction

The prevailing contemporary opinion of the Puritans as stern, straight-laced, prudish and distant people in all of their relations is inconsistent with Puritan preaching, practice, and contemporaneous published accounts and therefore should be considered incorrect. The attitude which employs labels such as “puritanical” to describe any effort to express restraint in sexual conduct or modesty in attire, while currently “politically correct,” has little basis in fact. It is true that Puritans stressed discipline and order in all relationships, but scholars have often erred in judging them by the logos of their doctrine while failing to weigh also the pathos with which they practiced their faith. This opinion of Puritans as staid and prudish in their attitudes toward sex is quickly dismissed when one examines their preaching and writings on marriage. The negative emphasis which outsiders place on the Puritans discipline and order within the family also suffers from a failure to weigh the letter of their law against the love with which it was administered._

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THE PURITAN VIEW OF MARRIAGE SEX DIVORCE AND FAMILY

Do you think that this fairly characterizes the Puritans view of the purpose of marriage? I remember Joel Beeke saying something similar in his *Living for God's Glory: An introduction to Calvinism*.

CT


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## MW

ChristianTrader said:


> This opinion of Puritans as staid and prudish in their attitudes toward sex is quickly dismissed when one examines their preaching and writings on marriage.


 
That seems a fair assessment. The person who feels greater liberty is obviously going to think otherwise. For example, I might point out that the word "sex" should not be used in the casual fashion that the author has used it, and the author might think I'm prudish for pointing that out. I would then just have to wear the prudish label while I seek to help others see the wisdom of the Scripture in using modest terms for what is an intimate act.


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## PuritanZealot

The Puritans probably were prudish by todays standards, and most of us probably would be regarded so as well. To hold the beautiful union of husband and wife in high esteem, in the same way God holds the beauty of the spiritual intercourse between the husband Christ and the wife Church is deemed prudish by the modern world.

When a couple pray for a relationship like that between Christ and Church, i.e. fully submissive loving wife and husband loving wife like Christ did the Church there is a whole U turn on the ingrained morals of the sexual union. For my wife and I at least that was the case, but we were raised in atheist families and saw the most abominable unspeakable things being called 'love' on television.


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## FenderPriest

You might find Mark Dever's message at the Desigin God 2004 conference helpful on this subject, Christian Hedonists or Religious Prudes? The Puritans on Sex. Or you can flip through the .pdf and read his chapter here. One humorous story is about a matter of _church discipline_ where a man refused his conjugal rights with his wife. Try that on for "puritanical prudery".


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## puritan628

I'm increasingly reminded, of 1 Corinthians 2:14: _But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned._

Having an understanding of this biblical principle has greatly reduced my frustration with the interpretations of so-called "scholars" when it comes to anything Puritan. They simply can NOT make sense of the Puritan life; it is an enigma to them.


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## jwithnell

So much opinion regarding the American puritans developed based on Nathanial Hawthorne who essentially hated the puritans. In many ways, the puritans had a far healthier view of sexuality and righteousness than later developed in the Victorian era.


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## Wannabee

Chapter 3 of _Worldly Saints_ by Leland Ryken is very helpful in regard to this. Perhaps this one sentence would go a long way in destroying the stereotype.



> When a New england wife complained, first to her pastor and then to the whole congregation, that her husband was neglecting their sex life, the church proceeded to excommunicate the man.​


Page 39, quoted from Chad Powers Smith, _Yankees and God_ (Hermitage House, NY, 1954) 11.


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## Wayne

You might also take a look at Dan Doriani's _The godly household in Puritan theology, 1560-1640_. This was his 1986 dissertation at Westminster. 
worldcat.org indicates that there are nine libraries around the country that hold copies. One could be near you!


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## bookslover

Wannabee said:


> Chapter 3 of _Worldly Saints_ by Leland Ryken is very helpful in regard to this. Perhaps this one sentence would go a long way in destroying the stereotype.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> When a New england wife complained, first to her pastor and then to the whole congregation, that her husband was neglecting their sex life, the church proceeded to excommunicate the man.​
> 
> 
> 
> Page 39, quoted from Chad Powers Smith, _Yankees and God_ (Hermitage House, NY, 1954) 11.
Click to expand...


I remember that story from Ryken's book (which is excellent, by the way). The wife complained that her husband had refused to have sex with her for _two years_. I don't remember what the details were as to why, but, as Ryken relates, the man was excommunicated from the church. I believe Ryken wrote a second book about the Puritans: _The Puritans as They Really Were._


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