# Little-known historical "facts" from Dave Barry



## Nebrexan (May 28, 2009)

> Meanwhile, in Wittenberg, Germany, a priest named Martin Luther nailed ninety-five theses to the church door. This made the church very angry because nobody could read the bingo announcements. As a punishment, Luther was sentenced to the Diet of Worms, which was so disgusting that he started the Protestant Reformation. This movement got a boost in 1534 when Henry VIII started the Church of England after the pope refused to let him divorce his first wife, Elizabeth Taylor.
> 
> Henry went on to have a number of wives, most of whom died in freak guillotine accidents. The next major monarch was Mary Tudor, who was known as "Bloody Mary" because she invented the celery garnish. She was succeeded by Elizabeth I, who is the mother of the current queen and is still periodically seen blinking into TV news cameras on her birthday. She presided over the Elizabethan Era, which produced the immortal William Shakespeare, who wrote such timeless works as _Richard II_, _Richard III_, _Richard III Strikes Back_, and _Hamlet Hears a Who_, and who gave us a priceless legacy of famous phrases that, to this very day, are pretty much incomprehensible.


-- Dave Barry, _Dave Barry's History of the millennium (So Far)_


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## LadyCalvinist (May 28, 2009)




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## Dragoon (May 28, 2009)

Priceless, although my history professor would have a cow if he read this.


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## Whitefield (May 28, 2009)

Nebrexan said:


> > Meanwhile, in Wittenberg, Germany, a priest named Martin Luther nailed ninety-five theses to the church door. This made the church very angry because nobody could read the bingo announcements. As a punishment, Luther was sentenced to the Diet of Worms, which was so disgusting that he started the Protestant Reformation. This movement got a boost in 1534 when Henry VIII started the Church of England after the pope refused to let him divorce his first wife, Elizabeth Taylor.
> >
> > Henry went on to have a number of wives, most of whom died in freak guillotine accidents. The next major monarch was Mary Tudor, who was known as "Bloody Mary" because she invented the celery garnish. She was succeeded by Elizabeth I, who is the mother of the current queen and is still periodically seen blinking into TV news cameras on her birthday. She presided over the Elizabethan Era, which produced the immortal William Shakespeare, who wrote such timeless works as _Richard II_, _Richard III_, _Richard III Strikes Back_, and _Hamlet Hears a Who_, and who gave us a priceless legacy of famous phrases that, to this very day, are pretty much incomprehensible.
> 
> ...



That reads like a history paper written by a student in public high school.


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## Berean (May 28, 2009)

Thanks! You can always count on Dave Barry. Good stuff!


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## Reluctantly Reforming (May 28, 2009)

> That reads like a history paper written by a student in public high school.



Except that it's not full of Wikipedia citations.


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## PresbyDane (May 28, 2009)




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## turmeric (May 28, 2009)

I SO needed that!


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## SarahB (May 28, 2009)

too good!


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## MrMerlin777 (May 28, 2009)




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## BertMulder (May 28, 2009)

That sounds like the history of Canada in my possession.

Would attach it here (is an audio file), but would be breaking copyright laws...

You can get your copy here:

CBC Shop Online


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