# Evolution of a Marriage



## smhbbag (May 13, 2007)

So tonight my fiancee (two e's for the woman, right?), were discussing some of our expectations, hopes, desires, etc. for our marriage which, praise the Lord, begins this Saturday.

And we talked about some of our friends' experiences, and ran into two very different paths that seem common.

1) Starts out wonderful, passionate, and tender and ages poorly. Grows stale within a few years, and it becomes more like a good friend or roommate situation, at best. Bitterness, discontent, and petty annoyance all increase.

2) Starts out rough, with difficulty bringing together two very different lives into one home. But, over time, their love increases and matures as they better learn to live as one.

Our example for #2 was pretty funny. I congratulated an older man from my church on his anniversary. I asked something to the effect of "What are your thoughts, looking back?"

Him: "9 best years of my life, without question." 
Me: "Haven't you been married for 10?"
Him: "I said what I said"


So, to get to the question - particularly for husbands, though godly female input always welcome - what is your best, short advice for growing marriage gracefully over time? What can I do, as a man, to prosper my wife, in daily practical terms?

I've heard a true saying - "A man may be well-judged by the countenance of his wife." 

What have y'all learned over your years?


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## Theoretical (May 13, 2007)

Count me in on asking this question too - while marriage is probably a ways away for me, there's definitely tons that'd be good for me to be thinking about and working on in this regard, such that I would be a good husband.

And yes, I've very much observed both patterns, and I'm very worried for one friend and his wife that they will end up as #1's. My parents are in situation #1 as well, especially on personality issues and similar matters. I would much prefer #2, and am curious about how to lead to that point.


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## VaughanRSmith (May 13, 2007)

I'm about 15 months into my marriage. While the first year was hard, the hardest things we have dealt with have been recently, after the whole "honeymoon period" thing is over. Getting down to the nitty gritty of how to serve and love each other in a Godly way is actually more difficult than you expect. 

We are really enjoying this series of talks by Joel Beeke at the moment, they are a great help.


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## Semper Fidelis (May 14, 2007)

Wow, that's a tough question. I'll try and see if Sonya has time to answer this question. We're not as seasoned as some but I can honestly say I'm happily married after 11 years of marriage.

If I had to state that there was a "rough" period of our marriage then it was the first 3 years. That was exacerbated by:
1. Getting accustomed to married life.
2. Me being a jerk *a lot*.
3. Going to a Church with poor doctrine.
4. Moving thousands of miles from her family 3 months after marriage.

With all that, however, I can honestly say that I have never been unhappily married. I can't think of a time. I've always felt blessed to be married to my wife.

We are still certainly improving but here are a few important things:
1. Arguments for the man usually center around winning the point at issue. Arguments for women usually center around how she _feels_ about the thing and how you made her feel. I've spent countless hours chasing a point she didn't really care about. She cared about how I made her feel and whether or not I could acknowledge that.

2. Thus, if you begin to argue, start to listen for cues that she is trying to get you to see that you made her feel a certain way. Acknowledge how your language or attitude produced that and then, gently, you can make the point that you were trying to make.

3. If you end up in corners and angry at one another, do not let the sun go down on your anger. Be the leader and repent first. Practice repenting when you absolutely do not want to do it and you're convinced (sinfully so) that she ought to be the one that repents first this time. Lead in the area of repentance.

4. Your wife needs to train herself in the art of being quiet when you're being a jerk. If she lets you vent and does not answer your anger with words but sits silent then you will be convicted and will repent and restore fellowship. Paul wasn't kidding when he said that women can win their husbands with quiet, Godly submission. It heaps coals of fire on your head.

5. Your wife will go a long way if she learns how to treat you with respect even in the most difficult times. I cannot explain why we need it but it is commanded of a wife to her husband to meet a need. It is the source of much frustration and sin when wives treat their husbands with disrespect.

6. Above all, love your wife. That's harder than it sounds even though it is so fundamental. Love her with warmth. Be tender-hearted and gentle to her as a duty, even when it is not the thing you want to do. Love her as Christ loves the Church - that is to love her in a way she does not deserve. Love her in a way that is sacrificial. And when you do not for you will not (because it is by grace) then repent of your sinful lack of love for your wife and continually go to the throne of grace for forgiveness and the Gospel strength to be a good husband.


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## Herald (May 14, 2007)

Learn these three sayings and all will be well:

1. Yes dear.
2. I'm sorry dear.
3. It's my fault dear.


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## bookslover (May 14, 2007)

With 26 years of marriage (and counting) behind me:

1. Banish the word "divorce" from your vocabulary, from the get-go.
2. Be patient with each other, on every subject.
3. Don't go to bed angry.
4. During sex, each of you be thoughtful of the other person.
5. Learn to be dependent on God for all things.


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## BobVigneault (May 14, 2007)

> I've heard a true saying - "A man may be well-judged by the countenance of his wife."



This saying is true because it's exactly what Paul means in

1 Cor. 11:7 _For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man._


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## Ivan (May 14, 2007)

BaptistInCrisis said:


> Learn these three sayings and all will be well:
> 
> 1. Yes dear.
> 2. I'm sorry dear.
> 3. It's my fault dear.



We must have went to the same school!


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## govols (May 14, 2007)

BaptistInCrisis said:


> Learn these three sayings and all will be well:
> 
> 1. Yes dear.
> 2. I'm sorry dear.
> 3. It's my fault dear.



You almost had it correct. It should be:

1. Yes dear. It's my fault dear.
2. I'm sorry dear. It's my fault dear.
3. It's my fault dear.

Other than that, pray constantly for your wife and constantly with your wife. Cherish the word of God before your wife and with your wife.

Rub her feet and face !!!! (Not at the same time, she'll snap in half) It helps with 1, 2 and 3 above.


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## KMK (May 14, 2007)

govols said:


> You almost had it correct. It should be:
> 
> 1. Yes dear. It's my fault dear.
> 2. I'm sorry dear. It's my fault dear.
> 3. It's my fault dear.



It is funny because it is true.

Eph 5 teaches that husbands are the head of the wife in the same way that Christ is the head of the church. If believers turn and do what is right in their own eyes, whose name gets blasphemed? Christ's. In the same way, the buck stops with the husband. The husband is ultimately held to account for what goes on in his marraige. If one of Rich's men screws up, who is held to account? Rich is! The same is true for the husband. So when you say, "It's my fault dear," it is a true statement.

Peter teaches that husbands must honor their wives as the weaker vessel. When the world looks at you it should be immediately clear that you honor your wife above everything in your life, including yourself. Never argue with your wife in public. 

Christ was willing to sacrifice everything for His bride and yet we husbands cannot seem to sacrifice even the most trivial things! We say to ourselves, "I would die for my wife!" But maybe God is not asking you to sacrifice your life for her. Maybe he is just asking you to sacrifice your TV time to talk to your wife.

I agree with Richard about the bedroom. That is one area that husbands are to be submissive to the wife. If husbands cannot submit to their wives in that one area, how can they expect their wives to be submissive in those other areas?

Don't think that there has to be 'rough times'. My wife and I have been married 14 years and never had any 'rough times'. We have suffered together and laughed together and worked hard together but we do not have (God willing) those 'tough times' that many of our friends do.


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## BJClark (May 14, 2007)

smhbbag;

Remember marriage consists of two sinners coming from vary different backgrounds working to join together as one. So arguments ARE going to happen, so learn how to argue in a healthy manner. 

Keep "You Always" and "You Never" OUT of your vocabulary.

There is a book "Blended Families", it's geared towards second marriages, however, I would suggest it for ANY one looking to get married as it has so much information about how to blend the two backgrounds you each grew up in and how to address habits you learned from your parents, that you will inevitably bring into your marriage to each other that could cause problems.

Understand your wife, don't degrade her opinions. Most men solve problems looking at "facts" and what seems like the most 'logical' direction to do, where as most women look at how the logic can effect the overall emotional climate of the entire family. So learn to take her advice--looking at both the facts and the most logical direction and include the emotional aspects that she see's, don't just brush her off saying.."well, that doesn't make sense" emotions rarely do to men.

Take into consideration your personality differences, and realize they aren't sacrosanct and they CAN Change--in other words do not say "That's just HOW I AM" because being in Christ, you are supposed to be dying to your "that's Just how I AM" personality and becoming more like Him.

remember to keep your marriage a priority...above work, above kids, above family, friends...make sure that you set proper boundaires on each of your families and how much input they have in your marriage to each other. Make sure to continue to date your wife once your married, even after you have kids..

Remember you are not your parents, and she is not her parents...so your marriage really can be different than the one's your parents have.

Do not forget that she is not just your wife, she is also a person a child of God, and a woman who will change over time...her views over time will change, just as yours will, so make sure to continually talk to each other and seek to KNOW each other as those changes come. Seek to KNOW HER..inside (her emotions, her thoughts, her as a woman, as a wife, as an eventual mother) so that she will continually seek to share her outward body with you to enjoy and be well pleased in.

When you have kids, you will parent them differently, that's okay..your not the exact same person, even as you become one...respect those differences..as God created you both to provide and meet very different needs for your children.

Protect her, one way you can do this is by looking over both of your schedules and making sure neither one of you are overscheduling your time and energies so that you are emotionally and physically available for each other.

Do not be afraid to help out with household chores, to help lighten her load, so that she is not so emotionally and physically drained at the end of the day....where she has nothing to give to you. Same with you, do not put all of your energies at work where you are so exhausted at the end of the day that you have nothing to give emotionally of yourself to her when you get home.

This is difficult, especially if you are looking for financial rewards at work, where that becomes your priority and not your marriage.

Did you take pre-marriage counseling? If not, I could either send it to you or post some great information our pastor used during our pre-marriage counseling. He gave us each a notebook with a bunch of information to go over individually and together, from communication to expecations and various other things..

Here is a website you can also check out, it has some various questionaires you and your soon to be wife can print and fill out and go over...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com


There are other things I can add but I need to go take my daughter to get some things done for graduation this week...so I can try and post more later...


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## tdowns (May 14, 2007)

*Good advice....*

Lots of good advice.

I fit in the first category, first year rough, but basically, every year, every day, it gets better, I remember saying that from year two.....and I'm in my eleventh year and it's been the best one yet.....

You are already off on the right track, getting counsel......do not wait, if you are having struggles, find a couple to meet with once a week for a time, to help you through the tough times, don't let hearts harden.....

I like to remind myself of Gentle Strength....we as men, must be the Strength and Leaders of our marriages, but, it must be Gentle. 

I remind myself of the same thing with kids. Women and children do not need a man Strong-Arming them, or speaking loudly, or barking orders...they need strength....but not in an Aggressive manner. Then need our love with Gentleness and Respect.

And welcome to your high octane sanctification course, then throw in the kids, and you will understand dying to self, like very few single men every could.


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## KMK (May 14, 2007)

This is all really good stuff! We should have Andrew put together a book of the PB's wisdom in regards to different topics like Husbandhood and Wifehood.


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## VirginiaHuguenot (May 14, 2007)

KMK said:


> This is all really good stuff! We should have Andrew put together a book of the PB's wisdom in regards to different topics like Husbandhood and Wifehood.



Check out this thread: Puritan Quotes on Marriage.


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## VirginiaHuguenot (May 14, 2007)

The Puritans had much to say on the theme of _constancy_ in marriage, but I'll just cite William Gouge (_Domestical Duties_ -- constancy is a running theme in this book) at present:



> IV. Constancy is a virtue which maketh all the rest perfect, and setteth the crown upon them; without which they are all nothing. This is in those who after they have begun well, continue to do well unto the end, and thereby reap the fruit of all. It hath respect both to continuance without intermission, and also to perseverance without revolting, and giving clean over. So as it is not enough to be subject by starts and fits: one while yielding all good obedience, another while stout and rebellious: neither is it sufficient in former times to have been a good wife, and after prove bad: but there must be daily proceeding and holding on from time to time, so long as husband and wife live together. This grace was in her of whom it is said, She will do him good, and not evil all the days of her life. Such were all the holy wives commended in Scripture: among other particulars, mention is made of the wife of Phinehas who on her death-bed shewed the reverend good respect she bare to her husband, though he were a wicked and lewd man (1 Sam 4:21). This grace doth the Church add to all her other virtues, she in all parts of her subjection remaineth constant, and faithful unto the death, whereby it cometh to pass, that at length she receiveth the reward of her holy obedience, which is full and perfect communion and fellowship with her spouse Christ Jesus in heaven. In regard of her unmovable constancy it is said, that the gates of hell shall never prevail against her (Matt 16:18). Therefore as the Church is constantly subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.





> 75. Of husbands' constancy in love. (See Treatise 3, Section 6.)
> 
> VI. The continuance of Christ's love was without date: Having loved his own, he loved them unto the end (John 13:1). His love was constant [not by fits, now loving, then hating] and everlasting (Hosea 2:19) [never repenting thereof, never changing or altering his mind] no provocations, no transgressions could ever make him forget to love, and cease to do that good which he intended for his Church: note what he said to her even when she revolted from him, Thou hast played the harlot with many lovers, yet return again to me (Jer 3:1): and again, My mercy shall not depart away (2 Sam 7:15).
> 
> ...





> 6. Constancy must be added to all other virtues. For as the Lord himself is constant in all his ways and works, so he expecteth that children should be in the duties which he requireth at their hands. He that beginneth well, and holdeth not on, loseth all the glory of his good beginning.


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## Archlute (May 14, 2007)

My Wife and I have enjoyed twelve years of an excellent marriage. Our honeymoon period lasted for probably three years, no joke. There have been several things that have contributed to this blessed time together.

1. We married young (she was 19, I was 20). I know that many will object for various reasons, and the Lord does not give this opportunity to all, but we believe that the joy of youth contributed to at least the extended honeymoon period. We were speaking over lunch with some good friends yesterday about this very issue, and they agreed that if one has the opportunity in front of them, it should be seriously considered. They both married at 20, now with three teenage boys, and we all agreed that youth, while carrying with it its own set of problems, has definite benefits. We have several friends who either have married in their mid-late 30's, or who are seeking a spouse, and we have noticed that the older they get, the more quirks and petty preferences they develop that restrict either their post marital happiness, or their premarital choice of a spouse. We did not feel, as many, that we should wait for financial stability, or to both complete school. The Lord placed us before one another, and we have relied on Him to take care of all things as we work with diligence (and none of the naysayers' concerns have ever effected us).

2. God graced us with both a "love at first sight" relationship as well as being highschool sweethearts. Now I know that the biblical definition of love is a different thing, something that must grow and serve, but we have always laughed at those who say there is no such phenomenon (skeptics all), because when I saw my future wife hobble into that youth group meeting on her crutches (from a cheerleading accident), the first thing I thought to myself was, "she is fine, and I think that I could marry her!". It was not just teenage lust either, it was an attraction that I had never felt towards any other girl. She has said the same thing happened for her as well. You know that if you can be attracted to a girl with crutches and a leg brace on first acquaintance, there more to it than just the hormones of youth!

3. Most importantly, I believe, was the pain of separation during my military service that caused us to distinguish between the trivial and the important in life, and to appreciate every day that we have together. We got engaged shortly after I enlisted, and for the two years prior to our wedding, I was only able to see her for two week periods every six months when block leave came around. Being in a Ranger battalion prevented any flexibility in leave periods, and on at least one occasion, my leave was cancelled when we were called up to prepare for a potential situation. When that happened, she just didn't hear from me for about six weeks; even the married guys could only call to tell their wives to basically say, "Hey honey, we're going to be gone somewhere for awhile, I don't know when we'll be back, I love you, and take care of the kids while I'm away." For two years we wrote letters almost daily, and called on the phone during weekends. That extended separation, and forced commitment to fidelity and distance communication, really solidified our relationship before we were ever married. I truly think that this same situation (although on a much greater scale) is why so many marriages from the WWII era lasted for sixty-plus years. When you have been facing uncertainty of ever seeing one another again, you tend to let the stupid things slide that a less mature couple might tear themselves apart over.

4. We actually learned something from Jim Dobson... It was at least on his "Focus on the Family" radio show, although I'm not certain if it was original to him. It was an acronym that you were supposed to employ whenever you would begin to fight, or to become irritable with one another. It was H.A.L.T., and it stood for "Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired". So the idea was that whenever you started to fight, one person would say "HALT!" Then you'd ask the other person, "Are you hungry? angry?..." etc., and then take care of that problem with rest, food, time cuddling, or apologizing for whatever had made them upset. I kid you not, that saved us from so much trouble for about the first five years. After that we came up with a modified version, HALT-P. The P stood for pregnant! Sometimes just being pregnant is the only explanation for a woman's complaints 

So I probably cannot help you out much, as our relationship began on an outstanding note, and it has continued in the same excellent way. The troubles have mostly been external, rather than created by us, and yet have been used nonetheless to give strength to our relationship. All I can say is "Give God the glory", as we thank him every day for twelve years of marriage given by His grace that many of our friends and past acquaintances have not been granted.

If I could add any advice to the discussion, it would be to commit yourselves in prayer to Him together daily, resting in His grace, and also to try employing the HALT acronym (HALT-P when the time comes). I know that you'll think it's silly at first, but it really can help you to pinpoint the source of the problem in an effective way, because just claiming that she is giving evidence of her indwelling sin nature in an "already/not yet" eschatological state-prior-to-her-glorification will not help solve the problem men - I guarantee it!


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## tdowns (May 14, 2007)

*Love it!*

Adam, I love the part 1. I think this is awesome....

Another lie of the World, in my opinion, that marriage should come late.

Isn't it interesting, the the two things, Marriage and Kids, that most cause us to get our eyes off ourselves, to develop character, are the two things that the current culture disregards....they want us to have few or no kids, and marriage is scoffed at or postponed till later in life......oh the sanctified church we might have if we married and bore children sooner...... 

I don't how that holds up biblically, but seems true to me.


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## Blueridge Believer (May 14, 2007)

THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE?

Don Fortner 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you are interested in the counsel of a man who has enjoyed more than twenty-five years of happiness in marriage, whose only desire for you is your eternal and temporal good, and whose only source of information is the Word of God, carefully consider these four things.


SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY – Do not even consider the possibility of marrying a person who will not faithfully worship the Lord Jesus Christ with you. If you do, you are courting misery, violating the Word of God, and sitting yourself up for compromise, and apostasy from the faith (II Cor.6:14-15; I Cor.15:33; Gen.6:2; Ex. 34:16; Deut. 7:3-4; Jud. 3:6). Do not merely ask - "Is this person moral, religious, and well-established?" But above all else ask - "Does this person worship my God?"


BIBLICAL AUTHORITY – There can be no authoritative rule, guide, or basis of behavior in a believer's life and home but the Word of God. Our personal thoughts and all the opinions of others must be rejected. If you want to build a house of peace and righteousness for the glory of Christ, you must build your home upon the Word of God. The instructions of Holy Scripture are not at all ambiguous (Gen. 2:18-25; Prov. 5:15-21; 31:10-31; I Cor. 7:1-40; Eph. 5:25-6:4; I Pet. 3:1-7).


UNQUALIFIED DEVOTION – Marriage is forever. Divorce is very common and accepted in our society. But it is still in violation of God's law. For believers it is never an option (Rom. 7:1-3; I Cor. 7:10-11). Do not even think about marrying a person until you are prepared to devote yourself to that person, for better or for worse, until death alone shall separate you. Anything called "love" that is less than this unconditional commitment that forgives all things, bears all things, and endures all things is not love but lust. You cannot build a home on lust.


PATIENCE – Do not settle for less than you want in a husband or wife. Many, for fear of not finding someone who measures up to their expectations, have married a person they can never truly admire. If a wife does not admire her husband, she will never reverence and obey him. If a husband does not admire his wife, he will not love her, nourish her, and cherish her. As God made Eve specifically for Adam, so he has made a companion specifically for you. Wait for that companion. If you do not, you will regret your impatience as long as you live.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Don Fortner is pastor of
Grace Baptist Church
Danville, KY


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## MrMerlin777 (May 14, 2007)

I truly think that one of the best things that happened in my marriage is that my wife and I spent the first 3 years of it overseas in Japan.

There was no going home (or even calling for that matter as the expense was reserved for special occasions) to mommy and daddy whenever the heat was on. (That went for me as well as my wife) If there was a problem it was us and only us to deal with it. We were forced to deal with each other as we were. Believe me, I wouldn't go back and change those days if I could. They were good for us.


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## tcalbrecht (May 14, 2007)

> 18 Let your fountain be blessed, And *rejoice with the wife of your youth*. 19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. (Prov. 5)



We're coming up on 32 years this summer. She was 21 and I was 20. We were "high school sweethearts" of sorts, although I was not a believer in high school and her father made us break it off. After I was converted in college, her father gave us the "green light" and we started dating again. We married the week after her college graduation. 

I can honestly say that our relationship in every respect has never been better. God gave me a wonderful help meet.

I keep going back to that verse and it reminds me that the grandmother I climb into bed with every night is the same wife of my youth ... a true delight in every sense.


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## Storm (May 14, 2007)

*Late Bloomer*

Okay...I'll chime in my two cents, but please take it with a grain of salt...LOL!

I got married 8 months ago...at age 43. My wife is one year older and it is the first marriage for both of us. I can honestly tell you that it is the best thing I've ever done. But I don't think I could have gotten married at 19 or 20 or even 25. I was very happy being single. My life was full and I was serving the Lord with my singleness, doing things like going overseas for years at a time that my married friends did not even consider. As the Bible says, when you are single, you can focus on the Lord. Ask any married guy how much time he spends in quietness before the Lord, reading the Word and praying and you'll know what I mean...

I think being older, I've definitely had to strive to join my life with my wife's. But we are also financially settled and we have so much maturity in the way we communicate and process our feelings. I would never encourage anyone to get married at a young age. I think the compatibility issues are so much fewer for older folks who know who they are and what they like and don't like and how to express themselves. As I said, it's just my


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## Archlute (May 14, 2007)

Storm said:


> Okay...I'll chime in my two cents, but please take it with a grain of salt...LOL!
> 
> I got married 8 months ago...at age 43. My wife is one year older and it is the first marriage for both of us. I can honestly tell you that it is the best thing I've ever done. But I don't think I could have gotten married at 19 or 20 or even 25. I was very happy being single. My life was full and I was serving the Lord with my singleness, doing things like going overseas for years at a time that my married friends did not even consider. *As the Bible says, when you are single, you can focus on the Lord. Ask any married guy how much time he spends in quietness before the Lord, reading the Word and praying and you'll know what I mean...*
> I think being older, I've definitely had to strive to join my life with my wife's. But we are also financially settled and we have so much maturity in the way we communicate and process our feelings. I would never encourage anyone to get married at a young age. I think the compatibility issues are so much fewer for older folks who know who they are and what they like and don't like and how to express themselves. As I said, it's just my



I am in full agreement with you here. I manage, by discipline, to spend time in prayer and in the study of the Word, but these things came about much more freely before we began a family. It is something to consider. And btw, congratulations on your recent marriage!


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## bookslover (May 14, 2007)

tcalbrecht said:


> We're coming up on 32 years this summer. She was 21 and I was 20. We were "high school sweethearts" of sorts, although I was not a believer in high school and her father made us break it off. After I was converted in college, her father gave us the "green light" and we started dating again. We married the week after her college graduation.
> 
> I can honestly say that our relationship in every respect has never been better. God gave me a wonderful help meet.
> 
> I keep going back to that verse and it reminds me that the grandmother I climb into bed with every night is the same wife of my youth ... a true delight in every sense.



Ah, my life verse (Proverbs 5:19a)! (heh)


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## kvanlaan (May 14, 2007)

10 1/2 years here - she was 20 and I was 22. I think we sort of grew up together (I was not the pinnacle of maturity at 22, but I'm not sure that I am at 33 either!) We left the US for China 6 months after we were married and 10 years and 5 children later, we are loving it. I think the adventure of it all helped to mitigate the stress of moving thousands of miles away right after we were married. Can't imagine living any other way... (but she's a really sweet girl - that helps a bunch.)

I personally find that having children pushed me into being more responsible in my faith life. There are children to train, and they need both an example to follow and to be hearing the Word every day. When I was first married, I was not at all worried about my faith life and thought that going to church every Sunday just about did it. The coming of the children made me see how incredibly foolish that was (though I don't recommend the acquisition of children as a catalyst for improving a poor faith life!)


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## jenney (May 15, 2007)

Well, this is my advice to the bride:
Submit.
Respect.
Honor your husband in your words about him to others.
Be busy at home.
Welcome all the children God will give you, knowing they are a blessing and not a burden.
Know when to shut up.
Let him lead your family and God will lead you through him.
Your husband will delight in your body. Rejoice in that and be available.
Let older women teach you, but do not go for advice to a woman who complains about, mocks, criticizes or otherwise disrespects her own husband.
Pray for your husband ever single day.

A fabulous book is "As Unto the Lord" by Pam Forster. It's an expanded checklist (200 questions!) based on the Westminster Larger to ask oneself, "how am I doing as a wife?" It is really excellent and will convict & humble any woman who is serious about living wholly for Christ within her marriage.

We're in the second category. Rough first few years because I could not submit at a heart level, despite outwardly doing what he wanted me to. After I realized how I was failing at that (thanks to a solid reformed church with godly older women), things got better really fast. Now we have a terrific marriage.

I am thankful every single day for my husband. He is an incredible guy, loves God, brilliant, funny, kind, appreciative, knows that I hate cut flowers so he gets me gifts I really want like art supplies and books on fermat's last theorem and he tells me every day how beautiful I am. (the funny thing about that is that it is totally the eye of the beholder thing. I'm really ordinary!)

No advice for the groom. Sorry, but I don't have any experience being a husband!


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