# Ok, now it has dawned on me



## Christoffer (Mar 19, 2009)

I've been browsing old threads and come to the conclusion that my christian life is really, really messed up. The concepts of family worship and catechizing were unfamiliar to me, they aren't anymore!

The sin is mine, but no one over here has ever mentioned these things to me. Christians just don't do it, as far as I know, here.

Since I am the head of the family the responsibility is mine, but it feels like a daunting task. There is so much that needs to be changed...

I am asking lot of questions here, but held would be appreciated

1. I have a daugher and a son (2 months and 3 years respectively). I have to teach them to be godly women and men, I don't have the faintest idea about how to do this (my concept of manhood and womanhood may be way "off" for that matter)

2. I've never been taught anything, I was indoctrinated on humanistic principles when I was a child and I went to public school. I think I am seeing the consequences of that now, as I have my own family. I don't have any clear picture of anything.

3. I don't feel secure at all catechizing and teaching. I fear it would turn into a complete fiasco. I don't have any "feel" for how to go about it 

4. Let's say you are invited to unbelievers. Would you pray before dinner even then? That would be so awkward.

Soo many questions. I don't have the faintest idea on how to live the gospel centered life.

I am not asking you to write essays in response, just some nudge in the right direction. 

Sorry for burdening you but there is no one I know personally that could help me.

I also feel that time is running out for me. I am 33 years and my children are growing fast. If it continues like this my household won't be different from an ungodly one. It feels like it is too late, I messed up


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## asc (Mar 19, 2009)

Sorry I'm in the middle of some stuff and can't write much, but I did want to share this link from a United Reformed Church website which has an aid to help parents go through the Heidelberg Catechism with their children, which i have benefited from:

URC Learning Heidelberg Catechism for Families


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## Scott1 (Mar 19, 2009)

Christoffer said:


> I've been browsing old threads and come to the conclusion that my christian life is really, really messed up. The concepts of family worship and catechizing were unfamiliar to me, they aren't anymore!
> 
> The sin is mine, but no one over here has ever mentioned these things to me. Christians just don't do it, as far as I know, here.
> 
> ...



It sounds like you have several high priorities right now. Ask God and He will give you grace:

1) Set a pattern for the Lord's Day
2) Develop a personal pattern of Bible reading and prayer for yourself
3) Begin tithing, and learn the skill and discipline of budgeting with family input

Family Bible reading, gathered together at a regular time may be a good place to start. Let me re-iterate a pattern:

Begin by praying God will give you (all) grace to believe and follow what you read in His Word
You read aloud one chapter of the Bible. Begin in John's Gospel and read sequentially, one chapter each week.
Ask questions of your family after reading... (e.g. "What does it mean when it says, 'the Word was made flesh'). Discuss this together
Close with short prayer, thanking God for helping you understand, believe and obey His Word.

This should typically take about one hour.



Blessings!


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## turmeric (Mar 19, 2009)

If you want your children to learn English as well, here is a resource as well, particularly as your children are still so young.


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## Tim (Mar 19, 2009)

Christoffer said:


> 1. I have a daugher and a son (2 months and 3 years respectively). I have to teach them to be godly women and men, I don't have the faintest idea about how to do this (my concept of manhood and womanhood may be way "off" for that matter)



Here are some simple terms to describe the role a man has in his family: protector, leader, provider. Woman: submission, nurturer, supporter. In modeling these attributes, you and your wife will be teaching your children. 



> 3. I don't feel secure at all catechizing and teaching. I fear it would turn into a complete fiasco. I don't have any "feel" for how to go about it



VirginiaHugenot posted this a while ago: http://www.puritanboard.com/f32/snapshot-family-worship-40383/

My example of teaching of very young children from Genesis 3:

Read the chapter.

Were Adam and Eve allowed to eat fruit from the trees? Yes.
How many trees did God say not to eat from? One.
Did Adam and Eve disobey God? Yes.
How? They ate from that one tree.
Was God angry? Yes.

Mommy and Daddy love you and sometimes tell you things not to do to keep you safe. Mommy and Daddy are angry when you disobey. God created us and we need to obey Him or He will be angry too. Disobeying God is called sin. Everybody has sinned except Jesus. Jesus always obeyed God. That's why we need to believe in Jesus because otherwise God would be angry with us all the time. 

Prayer: "Heavenly Father, please help our family to obey you. We know that we don't always obey you and you are angry. Thank-you providing Jesus who always obeyed you. Please have mercy on us because of what Jesus did. Amen" 

Because I believe in singing the Psalms in worship, I would then sing a Psalm appropriate to the passage, such as Psalm 25. The children will gradually learn the tune. 



> 4. Let's say you are invited to unbelievers. Would you pray before dinner even then? That would be so awkward.



I lower my head and pray silently. 



> Sorry for burdening you but there is no one I know personally that could help me.



It is not a burden, but a joy to encourage a brother.



> I also feel that time is running out for me. I am 33 years and my children are growing fast. If it continues like this my household won't be different from an ungodly one. It feels like it is too late, I messed up



It is not too late at all, brother. Your children are still young. If you start some family devotional activities now, they likely will never remember not doing it! Remember to pray with and for your wife. She will be a great encouragement to you as she allows you to lead your family.

-----Added 3/19/2009 at 10:26:34 EST-----



Scott1 said:


> Begin by praying God will give you (all) grace to believe and follow what you read in His Word
> You read aloud one chapter of the Bible. Begin in John's Gospel and read sequentially, one chapter each week.
> Ask questions of your family after reading... (e.g. "What does it mean when it says, 'the Word was made flesh'). Discuss this together
> Close with short prayer, thanking God for helping you understand, believe and obey His Word.
> ...



Might this not be done in less time? I have seen good family worship taking 20 minutes. Would that be better for very young children? Just asking!


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## BJClark (Mar 19, 2009)

Christoffer;




> 4. Let's say you are invited to unbelievers. Would you pray before dinner even then? That would be so awkward.



At first it may be awkward, but it does get easier...it will also lead to them asking questions later as they watch even these small changes in your life..


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## Scott1 (Mar 19, 2009)

> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Scott1 View Post
> Begin by praying God will give you (all) grace to believe and follow what you read in His Word
> You read aloud one chapter of the Bible. Begin in John's Gospel and read sequentially, one chapter each week.
> ...



The amount of time will depend on what you are doing.

If you begin and end with prayer, read a full chapter of Scripture, then draw out discussion involving everyone in the family, I have found one hour goes by quickly, and sometimes is not enough. Also, not everyone is always focused.

With 20 minutes it would be possible to read a few verses, but not a chapter with say, 40 verses, and really discuss it. There are many way to do this, but every chapter of Scripture has a lot to consider in it. E.g.

1) Is there a promise to claim?
2) Is there a command to obey?
3) Is there a sin to avoid?
4) Is there a teaching about God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit I need to believe?
5) Is there an example to follow or avoid?
6) Is there a difficulty to explore?
7) Is there something I need to pray about today?


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## Tim (Mar 20, 2009)

Good points, Scott. I was more thinking of doing this with 3 year-olds. But I will defer to those of us who already have families (I do not yet). I was just giving my opinion based on what I have observed with the folks in my home congregation who worship as a family.


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## Christoffer (Mar 20, 2009)

Scott1

It sounds like you have several high priorities right now. Ask God and He will give you grace:

1) Set a pattern for the Lord's Day
2) Develop a personal pattern of Bible reading and prayer for yourself
3) Begin tithing, and learn the skill and discipline of budgeting with family input

Family Bible reading, gathered together at a regular time may be a good place to start. Let me re-iterate a pattern:

Begin by praying God will give you (all) grace to believe and follow what you read in His Word
You read aloud one chapter of the Bible. Begin in John's Gospel and read sequentially, one chapter each week.
Ask questions of your family after reading... (e.g. "What does it mean when it says, 'the Word was made flesh'). Discuss this together
Close with short prayer, thanking God for helping you understand, believe and obey His Word.

This should typically take about one hour.



Blessings!

Ok, thank you very much!

Question: do you suggest doing family Bible reading every weekday?


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## Kim G (Mar 20, 2009)

*How to do family worship from Sproul Jr.*

From this website:



> *Doing Family Worship *
> 
> Sproul Jr. wants to take us through how his family does family worship, but he doesn't want to impose upon us his practice as the only way to do it. His family practices family worship right after the evening meal (they used to do it right before the children went to bed). After supper, he will ask the children, "Please gather the things for worship." A child will gather the books and present them to their father.
> 
> ...


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## jwithnell (Mar 20, 2009)

It doesn't have to be a big deal. In fact, the simpler you make it -- and the better it fits into your daily routine, the more likely it will become habit. With the age of your children, the Children's Catechism is a good start. Here and there -- as you're snuggling with your kids, driving somewhere, getting ready for bed -- "Who made you?" "What else did God make?" Sing hymns and Bible songs here and there through the day.

We've incorporated into getting ready for bed, a short Bible-reading and prayer (and often elements of the worship service, in part so the kids will learn them). If we were to try to skip this, the kids would remind us loud and clear!

There are some good music sources out there -- this forum recently introduced me to Songs for Saplings. Judy Rogers also has some nice songs out there. (I'm not to fond of overly cute and these both avoid that.)


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## he beholds (Mar 20, 2009)

Christoffer said:


> Scott1
> 
> [COLOR=\"Blue\"]It sounds like you have several high priorities right now. Ask God and He will give you grace:
> 
> ...



We try to have family devotions every night. My husband reads and prays and we all sing. 
During the day, I read the Bible to my kids at breakfast and lunch, _usually_. I don't really do much teaching on what I read, but just read a passage. I'm trying to go through the Bible in a year with them, but it may take five years! I check off the chapters as we read them and hope to start again after we get through it once. I want to be able to tell them how many times we've read through the Bible when they are older.

Here's a sample of what little ones are capable of knowing:
[video=youtube;WGB2FcpEvmU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGB2FcpEvmU[/video]


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## Tripel (Mar 20, 2009)

Christoffer said:


> 4. Let's say you are invited to unbelievers. Would you pray before dinner even then? That would be so awkward.



I guess I'm different from everyone else. I don't pray in those circumstances. Yes, it can be awkward, and more awkward for the unbeliever. 

We are not commanded to pray before every meal--it's a good practice, sure, but it's not commanded.


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## Tim (Mar 20, 2009)

Jessi, thanks for linking to this video. Great to hear children's catechism questions being answered by small children!


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## Scott1 (Mar 20, 2009)

Tim said:


> Good points, Scott. I was more thinking of doing this with 3 year-olds. But I will defer to those of us who already have families (I do not yet). I was just giving my opinion based on what I have observed with the folks in my home congregation who worship as a family.



I think when the family gathers for Bible reading on Lord's Day, everyone is there (even if 3 years old). Granted they may not be able to participate in the discussion, and it may be a challenge because there can be distractions but the husband leads in this, sets the tone, proactively engages the whole family, and asks for grace and repentance when his or other minds wander!

As Jessi relates in her post, it is amazing what children, even infants, will pick up.


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## FenderPriest (Mar 20, 2009)

Hey brother, these audio lectures are by Ted Tripp on parenting, and they are _very_ good. His book is Shepherding a Child's Heart and would be a helpful resource for you. This is the audio teaching of it:
 Shepherding a Child's Heart Conference- Media


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## Scott1 (Mar 20, 2009)

> *Christoffer*
> Question: do you suggest doing family Bible reading every weekday?



Based on what you have described, I would recommend you first focus on:

1) Lord's Day family Bible reading and prayer
2) Work on your individual disciplined pattern of reading Scripture and praying. Don't look at it as a ritual you must do every single day, but as an ordinary part of your life as a Christian, like making breakfast, something you do most days, but not necessarily every single day
3) Begin tithes/offerings and develop the practice of budgeting and living on less than you make.

One thing at a time, dear brother!


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## he beholds (Mar 20, 2009)

Joel Beeke has very encouraging and informative sermons on raising our children.
Beeke is my favorite resource for training our children.


However, I do like Shepherding a Child's Heart, as it has helped me think critically about training our children and I am in the middle of _Teach Them Diligently_, which I like so far. 
From a reviewer on Amazon


> This book [_Teach them Diligently_] answered so many questions for me. Having read \"Shepherding a Child's Heart\", I understood the concept of how to parent biblically by looking at heart issues instead of behavior and using scripture to do so, but I didn't know what scriptures to use or exactly how to implement this plan. \"Teach Them Diligently\" gives the detailed explanation, along with categorized scriptures of how to convict, rebuke, teach, and train your children with God's Word.


 Basically, it offers a pragmatic way to shepherd a child's heart.


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## Tim (Mar 23, 2009)

FenderPriest said:


> Hey brother, these audio lectures are by Ted Tripp on parenting, and they are _very_ good. His book is Shepherding a Child's Heart and would be a helpful resource for you. This is the audio teaching of it:
> Shepherding a Child's Heart Conference- Media



I just started this very class today at the church I attend. I have no wife nor children, but I decided it was better to learn these things _before_ I am blessed with a family.

-----Added 3/23/2009 at 05:04:48 EST-----

Indeed, there are a number of young couples taking the class, and then there is me, the single guy! I feel somewhat out of place, but I don't care.


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