# How to choose a wife



## danmpem (Nov 6, 2007)

I'm 22, single, not really _looking _for someone, but when it comes up, I don't want to do anything stupid later on down the road. Does anyone have any input?


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## Pergamum (Nov 6, 2007)

Make a list of traits that you MUST have in a wife and stick by it. That way a pretty smile won't trap you into compromising your pricniples and marrying a mis-matched woman.


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## govols (Nov 6, 2007)

Depends on where yer from - In the south:

If she can drink more beer than ya
If she can chew more than ya
If she can spit farther than ya
If she catches more fish than ya
If she can shoot a buck with better accuracy and from a greater distance than ya
And if she can beat ya at arm wrastlin, then she ain't the one.

But, if she can put together a vintage mustang in record time with limited parts then you got yourself a winner!


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## Augusta (Nov 6, 2007)

I think maybe "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you," might go for marrying too. First find a girl who is a deeply devoted reformed Christian and the other things will fall into place.


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## panta dokimazete (Nov 6, 2007)

Augusta said:


> I think maybe "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you," might go for marrying too. First find a girl who is a deeply devoted reformed Christian and the other things will fall into place.



As a Southern boy that married a gal raised up in the PCA, I can only say. AAAAMEN!


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## DMcFadden (Nov 6, 2007)

Augusta said:


> I think maybe "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you," might go for marrying too. First find a girl who is a deeply devoted reformed Christian and the other things will fall into place.




After 33 years of marriage and 5 kids (four of them married), I would stress becoming God's man first. Before you can expect a quality woman to find _you_ marriage material, you might want to work on becoming that kind of Godly man. Then, focus on character qualities in the women you date, not surface looks. Finally, ask yourself: "Can I really see myself growing old with this woman?"


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## Wannabee (Nov 6, 2007)

Good advice.


Also, meet her mom. Most likely, you'll be looking at the woman her daughter will be in a couple of decades or so. It's a general guide that is more correct than not. Listen to how she talks to and about her father. This will reveal her attitude toward male leadership in her life; which translates to you. If she thinks her father is stupid then she'll most likely think the same about you when she doesn't agree with you.


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## Romans922 (Nov 7, 2007)

Um, can't accomplish much if you aren't looking. Start looking! 

Do your best not to spend time alone in private with this girl before marriage --> asking for trouble if you do.


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## Iconoclast (Nov 7, 2007)

*Charles Bridges wanted you to know this;*



danmpem said:


> I'm 22, single, not really _looking _for someone, but when it comes up, I don't want to do anything stupid later on down the road. Does anyone have any input?



22Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD

Some find "a crown to their head;" others, "rottenness to their bones." 

(Chap. xii. 4.) That which alone deserves the name is indeed a good 

thing. If in a state of innocence "it was not good for a man to be 

alone" (Gen. ii. 18); much more in a world of care and trouble "two 

are better than one" for mutual support, helpfulness, and sympathy.* 

The good thing implies godliness, and fitness. Godliness is found, when 

the man marries "only in the Lord" (1 Cor. vii. 39), and only one, who 

is the Lord's. The "unequal yoke with unbelievers" (2 Cor. vi. 14)--

the union for life of a child of God with a child of Satan, is a most 

awful anomaly. 'I wish'--said pious Bishop Hall, that Manoah 

could speak so loud, that all our Israelites might hear him—"Is there 

never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all 

God's people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philis-

tines?" If religion be any other than a cipher, how dare we not regard 

it in our most important choice? Is she a fair Philistine? Why is not 

the deformity of the soul more powerful to dissuade us, than the beauty 

of the face to allure us?'†

There may however be godliness on both sides, without that mutual 

fitness which makes the woman "a helpmeet for the man." The good 

thing is, when he honours her, not as the wisest for the holiest of women, 

but as the person, whom God saw to be the best and fittest for himself 

in the whole world, a comfort for life, a help for heaven.‡ . Thus she 

becomes the one object of his undivided heart. Mutual faith is plighted 

in the Lord. Such a communion spiritualizes his affections, and 

elevates him from earth to heaven.

But how is this good thing found? Isaac found it, where every 

Christian looks for his blessing, as an answer to prayer. (Gen. xxiv.) A 

man's choice for his own indulgence will bring a curse upon himself and 

his family. (2 Chron. xviii. 1, 2; xxi. 1-6.) "Choose thou mine inherit-

ance for me" (Ps. xlvii. 4)— is the cry and confidence of the child of God. 

Then truly will he obtain the gift, not as the result of fortune, or as the 

proof of his own good discernment; but, as Adam received his wife, 

"from the Lord" (Chap, xix. 14), a token of his special favour.


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## Reformed Covenanter (Nov 7, 2007)

danmpem said:


> I'm 22, single, not really _looking _for someone, but when it comes up, I don't want to do anything stupid later on down the road. Does anyone have any input?



Read Doug Wilson's books _Her Hand in Marriage _(on courtship), _Reforming Marriage_, and _Federal Husband_.


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## etexas (Nov 7, 2007)

As a married man, I say....don't do it lad!........Just kidding.....pray and accept God's timing.


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## PuritanCovenanter (Nov 7, 2007)

Augusta said:


> I think maybe "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you," might go for marrying too. First find a girl who is a deeply devoted reformed Christian and the other things will fall into place.



Well maybe. 

Sometimes people change. And God in his Providence sets up and sets down. There is no magic formula. But do set up a list of character issues that you want. And don't look for a slave. You want a help meet full of virtue and commitment, who sees things to completion. One who is not prone to being burnt out. I wish I could have found someone like my Grandmother or Mother. Servants to all but relentless to making sure the family was taken care of first. And you want a bride who doesn't suck the life out of people but breaths life into others.

I failed miserably at this. But I have three of the most wonderful young men as sons.


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## Simply_Nikki (Nov 7, 2007)

Also there is a really good webzine at Boundless Webzine | An Online Magazine for Christian Young Adults with lots of articles relating to young single and married christian adults. They're pretty sound from my judgment. They have a pretty conservative and biblical view of dating and marriage.


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## MMasztal (Dec 5, 2007)

After 28 yrs of marriage, I'd have to say Wannabee's advice is critical based on my experience with a Godly mother-in-law (RIP) and my brother's M-I-L, who along with her daughter has made my brother's life very unhappy (they are all unbelievers).


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## Reformed Covenanter (Dec 5, 2007)

danmpem said:


> I'm 22, single, not really _looking _for someone, but when it comes up, I don't want to do anything stupid later on down the road. Does anyone have any input?



Read Proverbs 31.


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## Blueridge Believer (Dec 5, 2007)

Look for a woman who is filled with the Spirit of God and is an ardent student of God's Word. If you find that she will most likely live a disciplined and orderly life. Everything else is secondary.


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## Reformed Covenanter (Dec 5, 2007)

Blueridge Baptist said:


> Look for a woman who is filled with the Spirit of God and is an ardent student of God's Word. If you find that she will most likely live a disciplined and orderly life. Everything else is secondary.



 Good advice.


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## JoeRe4mer (Dec 6, 2007)

DMcFadden said:


> Augusta said:
> 
> 
> > I think maybe "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you," might go for marrying too. First find a girl who is a deeply devoted reformed Christian and the other things will fall into place.
> ...





As with the points above put the Kingdom of God and Christ first. 

One word of caution though, make sure that the women you choose is truly a Christian. Unfortunately, I have seen too many times where honest men are deceived by imposter's, so a lot of time should go into your choice, that way you can examine the womens testimony.


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## N. Eshelman (Dec 6, 2007)

Focus on the traits that the Scriptures want YOU to posses as a man of God. If you are doing this, then you will not settle for anything less than a woman of excellence. 

My wife said that what she 'hated' most about Christian men in college was how focused they were with what Christian women SHOULD be doing... but not living up to the high standards of godliness and holiness that the Scriptures put on us. 

I hope that helps.


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## Theoretical (Dec 7, 2007)

nleshelman said:


> Focus on the traits that the Scriptures want YOU to posses as a man of God. If you are doing this, then you will not settle for anything less than a woman of excellence.
> 
> My wife said that what she 'hated' most about Christian men in college was how focused they were with what Christian women SHOULD be doing... but not living up to the high standards of godliness and holiness that the Scriptures put on us.
> 
> I hope that helps.


 

This is a good point, and does represent a big blind spot.


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## SemperWife (Dec 7, 2007)

What I found most endearing in my husband in our first encounters was his passion for the Lord and for life. This passion exuded from him in his faith, his work, the way he played sports, they way he sung, his studies....and so forth. And he was a man of action!!! He didn't just say he would do something, he did it. He understood the value of an oath and always made good on his word.

I was attracted to this passion that only Christ could give. I was attracted to the devotion and commitment that I observed. I knew he was a leader, a man of action, and that is what drew me to him. 

Perhaps I may sound a bit like a Marine wife in saying this, but women don't need wimpy men (I am not saying that you are). There are enough men these days in and out of the church who are afraid to speak with real conviction and afraid to lead in their homes and elsewhere. Become a man who loves and fears the Lord; a man who can stand strong in the midst of life's struggles unafraid to proclaim God's Word boldy and to humbly submit to it when he is in sin. The right kind of woman will be attracted to those things. Then all else will follow.


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