# I Should Be a Puritan Board Moderator!



## bookslover (Nov 17, 2011)

(To be read with tongue jammed firmly in cheek)

Why, you ask?

1. Got the ugliness factor down pat (I'd be the ugliest moderator yet, with Bill Brown running a [very] close second).

2. I'm the greatest theological/biblical genius ever produced anywhere in Christendom at any time in history since the Apostle John mysteriously vanished from the Middle East and showed up in Vegas in the early 2nd century.

3. I'm EXTREMELY humble.

4. My hair is slightly wavy. You just can't beat slightly wavy hair.

5. I'd be extremely easy to bribe as a moderator. Every person has his or her price, right? Well, once I get the PayPal thingee set up, my moderatorial vote could be purchased (and, in this economy, at extremely moderate rates!).

6. I'd let the bad language/lousy ideas/unsubstantiated opinions/fake facts fly all over the Board. The current moderators are very immoderate in this regard.

So, vote for me! Or, storm the wall, or however this thing works...


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## N. Eshelman (Nov 17, 2011)

Have at it. 

That's the last thing I'd want to do... could you imagine having to deal with the likes of us behind the scenes? My "real life" is stressful enough without having to deal with jokers like me!!!


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## CharlieJ (Nov 17, 2011)

Additional points: you have 3 blogs and Westminster is in the name of both your city and your church.


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## LeeD (Nov 17, 2011)

Only 6 reasons?!?! Had you had a seventh, you might have gained my support. 

A bribe is a two way street though and I have been known to change my mind a time or two....


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## FedByRavens (Nov 17, 2011)

3. I'm EXTREMELY humble.

Lol!


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## Marrow Man (Nov 17, 2011)

bookslover said:


> 1. Got the ugliness factor down pat (I'd be the ugliest moderator yet, with Bill Brown running a [very] close second).



You apparently have never seen me first thing in the morning.





> 4. My hair is slightly wavy. You just can't beat slightly wavy hair.



Wavy hair garners you nothing. It must be a wig. A powdered wig. There is no substitute. See Bawb for more details.


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## MLCOPE2 (Nov 17, 2011)

So then, I guess the next step would be a motion to elect. Do I have a second? 



---------- Post added at 08:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:27 PM ----------




FedByRavens said:


> 3. I'm EXTREMELY humble.
> 
> Lol!



That's the one that made me laugh too.


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## jwithnell (Nov 17, 2011)

No, but I could get a fifth -- we all need it after this thread!


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## Marrow Man (Nov 17, 2011)

So far, the only thing positive you have going for you is that you use Rutherford as your avatar.


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## Herald (Nov 17, 2011)

Ugly is in the eye of the beholder. Boy, there's a lot of beholders out there.


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## Herald (Nov 17, 2011)

Actually, I almost got a lot uglier today. I came within a hairs breath of hitting a large rack buck coming off the Quantico exit on I95 in Virginia.


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## DMcFadden (Nov 17, 2011)

bookslover said:


> (To be read with tongue jammed firmly in cheek)
> 
> Why, you ask?
> 
> 1. Got the ugliness factor down pat (I'd be the ugliest moderator yet, with Bill Brown running a [very] close second).



Evidently stupid blindness too. Have you seen my picture? My only wavy hair (slightly or otherwise) grows within my nose and ears.


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## BobVigneault (Nov 18, 2011)

You CAN'T get elected to a moderator position. Unless Professor Xavier personally invites you to his mansion where he trains other mutants to use their powers for the betterment of mankind, then you simply have no hope of becoming a moderator. Sorry, that's just the way it is.


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## Southern Presbyterian (Nov 18, 2011)

How come I never get to come up to the mansion any more? It gets lonely out here in the tool shed.


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## PuritanCovenanter (Nov 18, 2011)

Southern Presbyterian said:


> How come I never get to come up to the mansion any more? It gets lonely out here in the tool shed.



There is a mansion? I was led to an outhouse and told to wait there for further instruction. After a week of waiting I just went home. I figured it was a snipe hunt type situation. They didn't even give me a flashlight. I feel cheated.


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## Southern Presbyterian (Nov 18, 2011)

Yea, Randy. Bill gave me a quick tour on my first day (making a big deal of his key to the executive washroom) then lead me out to the tool shed and asked me to put together a bookshelf, but never came back. Go figure.


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## PuritanCovenanter (Nov 18, 2011)

Well, I figure it must be pretty secretive. I was blindfolded and lead to the outhouse. I had to grope for my way home looking at moss on the trees to figure out if I was going North or not. I didn't even know which way to go. It took me a day to get to a dirt road. Fortunately some toothless old fine spirited woman picked me up in her 49 chevy pick up. I couldn't really understand what she said but she sure smiled a whole lot as she laughed at my predicament.


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## Andres (Nov 18, 2011)

bookslover said:


> (To be read with tongue jammed firmly in cheek)
> 
> Why, you ask?
> 
> ...



If you want to be a moderator, I have to see your real picture first. Come on...


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## Rich Koster (Nov 18, 2011)

BobVigneault said:


> You CAN'T get elected to a moderator position. Unless Professor Xavier personally invites you to his mansion where he trains other mutants to use their powers for the betterment of mankind, then you simply have no hope of becoming a moderator. Sorry, that's just the way it is.



I can convert 10 White Castles into enough raw energy to heat a small city......why wasn't I invited???


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## he beholds (Nov 18, 2011)

Marrow Man said:


> bookslover said:
> 
> 
> > 1. Got the ugliness factor down pat (I'd be the ugliest moderator yet, with Bill Brown running a [very] close second).
> ...



just wanted you to know that i was thumb-upping the wig part and not agreeing to the morning ugly part. i'll leave that to anna to confirm/deny ; )


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## Herald (Nov 18, 2011)

Southern Presbyterian said:


> Yea, Randy. Bill gave me a quick tour on my first day (making a big deal of his key to the executive washroom) then lead me out to the tool shed and asked me to put together a bookshelf, but never came back. Go figure.



James, Rich was supposed to take you to HR but I think he was stuck in Okinawa at the time. You've been in the shed this whole time? Wow.


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## Herald (Nov 18, 2011)

BobVigneault said:


> You CAN'T get elected to a moderator position. Unless Professor Xavier personally invites you to his mansion where he trains other mutants to use their powers for the betterment of mankind, then you simply have no hope of becoming a moderator. Sorry, that's just the way it is.



I never knew that flaring thing I can do with my nostrils would qualify me for such an important position. Personally, I think Xavier was low on his mutant quota for the month; but hey, I'm not complaining. Getting to watch Joshua Hicks shape shift into a dachshund is not something I take for granted.


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## Southern Presbyterian (Nov 18, 2011)

Herald said:


> Southern Presbyterian said:
> 
> 
> > Yea, Randy. Bill gave me a quick tour on my first day (making a big deal of his key to the executive washroom) then lead me out to the tool shed and asked me to put together a bookshelf, but never came back. Go figure.
> ...



Yea, Bill. I've been trying to keep to my place and be a good minion like Josh said in his orientation speech. :/


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## Berean (Nov 18, 2011)

Rich Koster said:


> I can convert 10 White Castles into enough raw energy to heat a small city......why wasn't I invited???



 You've got my vote, Rich. As long as I can vote absentee.


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## Marrow Man (Nov 18, 2011)

he beholds said:


> just wanted you to know that i was thumb-upping the wig part and not agreeing to the morning ugly part. i'll leave that to anna to confirm/deny ; )



Noted and appreciated. You get a free "Get out of Stockade" Card just for saying that.


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## Skyler (Nov 18, 2011)

I'm afraid I don't qualify for the position of Moderator. I'm neither mean enough nor funny enough.


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## bookslover (Nov 19, 2011)

BobVigneault said:


> You CAN'T get elected to a moderator position. Unless Professor Xavier personally invites you to his mansion where he trains other mutants to use their powers for the betterment of mankind, then you simply have no hope of becoming a moderator. Sorry, that's just the way it is.



Oh, Bawb, you mean I wouldn't get to use my powers for evil? Even on weekends? Shucks...


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