# Premarital counseling at doctrinally sound churches. What does it consist of?f?



## pbc561 (Jan 4, 2012)

If you conduct or have received premarital counseling from a doctrinally sound church, did you or they bring up sexual history? should sexual history be brought up? should it it be told to the potential future marriage partner?


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## KMK (Jan 4, 2012)

We use Wayne Mack's "Preparing For Marriage God's Way": http://www.amazon.com/Preparing-Marriage-Gods-Wayne-MacK/dp/1563220199


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## lynnie (Jan 4, 2012)

Absolutely. The potential exists for guilt, flashbacks, comparisons, disease, all manner of issues. Something this significant must be openly discussed. If the spouse finds out later that it was deliberately hidden or considered not important enough to reveal, you risk harming the marriage.


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## SolaScriptura (Jan 4, 2012)

I do premarital counseling. And yes, sexual history comes up. Not only history, but we discuss sexuality in general.


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## Edward (Jan 7, 2012)

If the couple hasn't discussed it by the time they get to that stage, it's a symptom of a deeper problem with communication. What else have they avoided discussing.


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## Jack K (Jan 7, 2012)

Our pastor asked, rather apologetically, if we were having sex. We told him "no," and he explained he felt he had to ask since it's issue for many couples... even some he wouldn't expect. I don't recall him asking about sexual history, though. I think he would have if he suspected it'd be an issue, but he knew us quite well and could be pretty sure we'd covered that ground with each other already.


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## Eoghan (Jan 12, 2012)

We used "Looking up the Aisle" a very useful book which we worked through. To answer the specific question I think full disclosure is required (and can be the cause of subsequent divorce). That said a basic outline of facts is all that is required. I do not think any great detail is required and "detail" is likely to be counterproductive. To use plain speech, child abuse should be acknowledged but details should not be demanded. You have a right to know the basics but not the details. 

Whether details should be volunteered is very much up to the individual who should never feel pressured into giving details (In my humble opinion). I would counsel that what is said cannot be taken back and what might be unburdening to one future spouse could be burdening the other with details they might well do without. Everything is very delicate in this area but I would hope that we would have some sort of insight into the reactions of a potential spouse. I am tempted to quote Paul who said (I paraphrase) I have no command of the Lord but I think...


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