# Friendship evangelism



## Pergamum (May 26, 2012)

What is friendship evangelism? How do you do it? 

And is it effective and biblical?

How do we square making friends for Jesus with guarding our company and avoiding the ungodly?

How was Jesus' practice of eating with sinners different than our practice of hanging with our buds, hoping to say something about Jesus? What sort of roles should we maintain and how do we model Jesus in our personal outreach?


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## arapahoepark (May 26, 2012)

I don't think it's wrong to have non-Christian friends. My best friend is one, however, I wish there would be a change.

Unfortunately, what you are saying sounds a lot like some book McLaren wrote....so I am a bit skeptical of anything that comes out of his mouth. 

But, this is not an unfair question. I would avoid worldly things and set an example to these friends, while not shying to talk about God, because after all He is the driving force in ours lives.


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## Romans922 (May 26, 2012)

It didn't seem to work for Lot in Sodom...


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## Unoriginalname (May 26, 2012)

Romans922 said:


> It didn't seem to work for Lot in Sodom...


That made me giggle. I also think that if we look at friendships as primarily some form of outreach, we run the risk of looking past the person and only seeing a goal. The friendship may be only a means to an end and interactions can become bait and switches. In a normal friendship, when I ask how someone is doing, it should be because I care about how they are doing and not looking for an in to talk about something else. I understand that we should clearly care about the lost but I feel like many times "friendship evangelism" tends to be more like the niceties of a salesmen more than a genuine interaction. Furthermore I should seek out friends for good council yet in this model I am forced to be open to poor council and ultimately have an uneven friendship with a person whose council I know will be ungodly. I see no problem with continuing to be a christian witness to unbelievers who are close to you but it seems ridiculous to actively seek unbelievers to incorporate them into the more intimate interactions of your life.


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## Jake (May 26, 2012)

Seek to show love and kindness to everyone you meet. Friendship happens with some. At the same time, "always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect." My heart has been changed, and that is often reflected in my conversation, whether I intend it or not. Conversations can often lead to sharing of the fullness of the Gospel message from there. Friendships are not for the intent of evangelism, but my life is for glorifying God, so evangelism to those about whom I care happens as an overflow.


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## kappazei (May 26, 2012)

I don't really think one can realistically evangelise on a person to person basis without emotionally investing at all in the other person. Most people are sensitive to being played anyway. 
To reiterate in the thread re, effective church outreach methods, I ask the Lord to show me where he is already at work and I adjust my direction in order to join Him there. 
I listen, show concern, help pracitcally where I can, ask hard questions and listen some more and I follow up. If someone challenges me, I take them up on it, watching my voice level and tone. I've shut up critics this way. 'The ungodly' respect Christians who are good, competent, workmates/neighbours/team mates, who are kind, who listen and who can state their case without wasting time. Ofcourse they're going to break your heart at some point. That's what the ungodly do. But it's worth it knowing you're being obedient to show God's love and that you maybe a link to the chain of events and people leading them to salvation. No I don't share in 'ungodly' activities with them. Who was it that said, 'They're not going to know until they know how much you care.' ?


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## thbslawson (May 26, 2012)

I once heard a little ditty that went...

_"Jesus ate with sinners on the floor, but he told them to 'go and sin no more.'_

I don't know if there's a hard and fast rule that dictates exactly how "friendship evangelism" should be done. It requires a multitude of Biblical wisdom. Christians in all walks of life encounter unbelievers every day, be it at work, neighbors, relatives, etc. I would dare say that a man who has no heart for these lost ones around him has no heart for the Lord in general. As with anyone I'm going to be as polite, helpful, and friendly as I can. I'm even going to be outgoing and proactive so as to get to know about those around me. I sincerely have a burden for them and want them to know Christ, so I look for opportunities to share the gospel.

But at the same time, I'm not going to seek out people who are hateful, antagonistic or dangerous. I'm not going to participate in sinful activities, nor do anything that will endanger my family. We had an experience like this when we were living in Russia. I met a young guy who was very friendly and polite, and seemed to want to know more about the Lord. I later found out that he was trying to get money out of me so that he could visit prostitutes and had learned over the years that Christians seem to be willing to give money (thankfully I never gave him any). Though I considered him a friend, and an unbeliever in need of a work of grace, I had to cut him off. I felt he was dangerous and I didn't want him near my family. I continued to pray for him, but I wasn't going to meet with him anymore. I had shared the gospel with him many times, invited him to church and Bible studies, all of which he rejected. 

So I would say if God providentially brings an unbeliever across your path, you find there is a genuine friendliness there, and spending time with this person is not endangering or corrupting you or your family, then befriend this person, but be intentional in the friendship. Hide nothing about who you are in Christ, invite him or her (if appropriate) to church, look for opportunities to talk about Christ. 

The Lot and Sodom comparison I think is off base, because we see no evidence that Lot was in any way trying to perpetuate the true knowledge of the LORD among those people. He got caught up in the wickedness himself.


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## Zach (May 26, 2012)

I think a lot of what has been said in this thread so far has been really good, particularly the emphasis on treating unbelievers like people as opposed to projects. We love people because they are created in the image of God and if we are loving people well we will form some friendships with unbelievers. True friendship evangelism is sharing the gospel with your friends not forming friendships for the sake of sharing the gospel.


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## jwithnell (May 27, 2012)

I had the idea that the term friendship evangelism was coined to stand apart from giving memorized presentations to strangers. At this point in my life, I'm trying to find ways to be around nonbelievers more, because it is so easy to be sequestered with my family and church. From that, I do hope to develop the kind of relationships that will enable people to see Christ in me and for me to be able to disciple them with God's truth. Maybe that's friendship evangelism. I dunno.


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## Pergamum (May 27, 2012)

jwithnell said:


> I had the idea that the term friendship evangelism was coined to stand apart from giving memorized presentations to strangers. At this point in my life, I'm trying to find ways to be around nonbelievers more, because it is so easy to be sequestered with my family and church. From that, I do hope to develop the kind of relationships that will enable people to see Christ in me and for me to be able to disciple them with God's truth. Maybe that's friendship evangelism. I dunno.



So, you believe the term "friendship evangelism" was perhaps coined as a reaction against canned presentations of the Gospel to strangers?

I think this might be where this book (Paul Borthwick's, "Stop Witnessing and Start Loving") is headed: http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Witnessing-Start-Loving-Borthwick/dp/1576832333/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338157192&sr=8-1-spell


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## gordo (May 27, 2012)

Edit


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## jwithnell (May 27, 2012)

> I think this might be where this book (Paul Borthwick's, "Stop Witnessing and Start Loving") is headed:


 He talks about being re-energized to talk with neighbors, coworkers, and relatives, so I suppose so.

I don't really know where it came from, so I've assumed friendship evangelism is a fairly innocuous term. 

If you are out of the workforce, or work for a Christian organization, it's easy to be extremely busy, but not interacting much with non-believers. I agree friendships shouldn't be pursued for the singular purpose of "sharing the gospel." But I think if you have a fair amount of interaction with folks, some relationships will take their natural course to friendships.


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## Pergamum (May 27, 2012)

Friendship Evangelism



> 1. *What is friendship evangelism?*
> 
> To some people, friendship evangelism is a method of leading people to Christ where you become their friend first, and then and only until then, should you share the Gospel with them. Others believe that friendship evangelism means living such a wonderful life that people will be prompted to ask you how you can live such a life at which point you then share the Gospel with them. There is yet another group of people who believe that friendship evangelism means leading people to Christ strictly by living a life that is a good example without ever verbally sharing the Gospel. These people usually say "I let my life be my testimony". Does the Bible agree with any of these ideas? Let's take a look. To get the proper understanding of this issue we must look at what scripture says about our relationship to the world and to God.
> 
> ...


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## Mindaboo (May 27, 2012)

I have unbelieving friends, one in particular that I meet regularly for coffee. My friendship with her started because our children are in the same orchestra and take music lessons with the same teacher. We've met off and on for years to just enjoy each other's company. I'd never spoken to her about the Lord, church, or anything else related to my faith. One day she asked me about my faith. She said it was apparent that I was a Christian, she could tell by my demeanor and the way I handled the many trials my family had been dealing with. I took that opportunity to share my faith with her. I presented the Gospel and told her that I cared very much for her, but my friendship did not hinge on whether she made a profession of faith or not. I love this friend, because Christ loves me.

I've shared many conversations with her, and once in a while she ask me about my faith. I take those opportunities to witness to her. I don't consider myself an evangelist, and I never befriend someone based on their faith or lack of faith. That would be superficial and fake.


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## Semper Fidelis (May 27, 2012)

I'm not sure who "owns" the term friendship evangelism but have heard the idea presented as others have expressed where people are treated as image bearers and not projects.

I'm not stating that there aren't deliberate moments when we're evangelizing a person but there are also clear patterns in Scripture where Paul teaches us to aspire to live quiet lives and work well with our hands so that we are respected by those outside the Church (1 Thess 4:11-12). Add to that Peter's admonition for "being ready" in 1 Peter is given in the context of contented service and suffering so that people will ask us why it is that we have hope. It's often quoted as an idea that is more "offensive". That is to say that many quote it out of context as if the Christian is charged to be engaging in sophisticated apologetic work where the context sees people as living the kinds of lives that Paul lived as a tent maker.

I suppose if people mean by the idea of "friendship evangelism" that we're supposed to love our neighbors by treating them with dignity and respect and working as unto the Lord in all that we do and that the opportunities for evangelism will present themselves to us then I think that's OK. As with many things, many don't have a fully developed sense of the Scriptures and will turn practically anything into technique and make it "...I'm going to become this fellow's friend in order to win him to Jesus...."

In other words, our problem today isn't that there's a grain of truth to many of these ideas but they're sort of spackle on a larger problem of an ill-equipped Body that is largely ignorant of the Scriptures, the nature of the Gospel, how it transforms us and our relationships in the Church, and how it affects our work and our love of neighbor. Any idea tacked on to a mostly immature Christian can't fill in these gaps. Conseqently, I prefer the idea of a much broader "catechism" so that the members of a Church understand all the foundational pieces so they have sure footing before they try to understand an evangelical approach when they haven't yet really understood what the evangel means for them.


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## Semper Fidelis (May 27, 2012)

Pergamum said:


> When we share the Gospel, we need to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit and polite to others. We need to be patient, loving and we need to be good listeners, exercising the fruits of the Spirit. But we must not be deceived into thinking that there is some easy non-confrontational way of telling people that they are lost hell-deserving sinners in desperate need of a Savior. Neither should we be deceived into thinking that people are not ready to hear the Gospel. As ambassadors for Christ, we are commanded to preach the Gospel, to sow the Good Seed. God will handle the rest. He will give the increase in His time and His way. We may not feel that we are as thoroughly equipped as we should be to present the Gospel, but that is often because our commitment to prayer and Bible study is not what it should be. Never-the-less, the more we step out in faith, trusting God to use us as His messengers just as we are, the more He will conform us to the image of His Son. Now let us go and earnestly contend for the faith!


I'm not trying to be critical, at large of what you pasted Perg. I would just add that, as Ambassadors, we're commanded to do more than simply "plant Seed" in every situation that we find ourselves in life. I'm not sure the person who wrote this would disagree with this but we are also called to be masters, slaves, children, older men, younger men, magistrates, and those under the authority of magistrates.

For instance, when we're called to submit to masters (i.e. employers) our role as ambassadors does not call us to go into work each day and confront everyone we meet with their sin and condemnation and the free offer of the Gospel. I had one minister from the pulpit tell a group of service members that we're all supposed to be, in all situations, people who are trying to convert others. It takes one aspect of our role as citizens of the Kingdom and our interactions with the world and makes it all controlling as if there are no other spheres of life in which we are commanded to participate in. In fact, Paul was highly critical of those who sat around waiting for the Lord to return and didn't do any work.

Thus, I see a much broader sense in which all of life is under God's control and when we understand God's calling to us in each of the spheres of life that we find ourselves we understand better how we are to honor Him in those spheres. Just the other day I was walking in D.C. to the metro and was on a call when a homeless man stopped me. He said to me: "Excuse me" and I was distracted a bit so I looked him in the eye and I said: "What's up?" He said: "First of all, thank you for treating me with some respect and acknowledging me." Now the point of that wasn't that I spent a lot of time laying out the plan of salvation but that, in the moment, the man (whatever the circumstances that got him where he was) was created in the image of God and my calling was to treat him with dignity and he appreciated that. We're not always going to be presented with opportunities to share the Gospel in the moment and as long as we understand that our calling as Christians is broader than what many flatten it out to be then we honor God in many situations and we don't walk around with guilt that we're somehow not winning enough souls to Jesus.


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## Mindaboo (May 27, 2012)

Sometimes I think we confuse the words "evangelism" and "witnessing". Pergs, You are an evangelist, so I think there would be a natural tendency to want to evangalize. I however am not called to that ministry. I am called to be a witness for Christ by my words, actions, and being able to give an answer for my hope. I don't consider those the same thing. We are all called to walk in a manner worthy of the calling and to glorify God. I think doing those two things will give us opportunity to share our faith.


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## Pergamum (May 27, 2012)

Mindy:

Yes, your distinction between the words "evangelism" and "witness" is also echoed by Joshua and others. I agree with you, that you are not called to go out and try to round up new friends with the purpose of evangelizing them, but rather are to be a light (a witness) to the circles in which you find yourself.


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## Pergamum (May 27, 2012)

Semper Fidelis said:


> Pergamum said:
> 
> 
> > When we share the Gospel, we need to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit and polite to others. We need to be patient, loving and we need to be good listeners, exercising the fruits of the Spirit. But we must not be deceived into thinking that there is some easy non-confrontational way of telling people that they are lost hell-deserving sinners in desperate need of a Savior. Neither should we be deceived into thinking that people are not ready to hear the Gospel. As ambassadors for Christ, we are commanded to preach the Gospel, to sow the Good Seed. God will handle the rest. He will give the increase in His time and His way. We may not feel that we are as thoroughly equipped as we should be to present the Gospel, but that is often because our commitment to prayer and Bible study is not what it should be. Never-the-less, the more we step out in faith, trusting God to use us as His messengers just as we are, the more He will conform us to the image of His Son. Now let us go and earnestly contend for the faith!
> ...



Yes, agreed. I wish some of the phraseology were different in the article I pasted. 

Whereas many evangelicals focus on "planting seeds" I would prefer that the Church as a whole focus more on deepening the roots and watering those seeds. 

I am trying to catechize my own children and to teach the concept of catechism to the indigenous denomination with which I work (it is, sadly, a novel concept to most).


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## Pergamum (May 27, 2012)

Mindaboo said:


> I have unbelieving friends, one in particular that I meet regularly for coffee. My friendship with her started because our children are in the same orchestra and take music lessons with the same teacher. We've met off and on for years to just enjoy each other's company. I'd never spoken to her about the Lord, church, or anything else related to my faith. One day she asked me about my faith. She said it was apparent that I was a Christian, she could tell by my demeanor and the way I handled the many trials my family had been dealing with. I took that opportunity to share my faith with her. I presented the Gospel and told her that I cared very much for her, but my friendship did not hinge on whether she made a profession of faith or not. I love this friend, because Christ loves me.
> 
> I've shared many conversations with her, and once in a while she ask me about my faith. I take those opportunities to witness to her. I don't consider myself an evangelist, and I never befriend someone based on their faith or lack of faith. That would be superficial and fake.



Mindy:



> I've shared many conversations with her, and once in a while she ask me about my faith. I take those opportunities to witness to her. I don't consider myself an evangelist, and I never befriend someone based on their faith or lack of faith. That would be superficial and fake.



Thanks.

I have actually met a few young 20-something's that have, in fact, actively sought out people to befriend in order that, at some later point, they could then share the Gospel with them. The determining factor in the initiation of said friendship seemed to be that the "target" would make a good evangelistic project. I found this highly offensive and lost respect for those (thankfully few) advocates of "friendship evangelism" and I hope others that refer to their methodology by this label are not doing the same.


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## kappazei (May 28, 2012)

I would add that befriending the 'ungodly' without being conformed to their worldview would would also entail being solidly rooted in a healthy Christian community.

This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. 3 In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.


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## Mindaboo (May 28, 2012)

Pergamum said:


> I have actually met a few young 20-something's that have, in fact, actively sought out people to befriend in order that, at some later point, they could then share the Gospel with them. The determining factor in the initiation of said friendship seemed to be that the "target" would make a good evangelistic project. I found this highly offensive and lost respect for those (thankfully few) advocates of "friendship evangelism" and I hope others that refer to their methodology by this label are not doing the same.



I'd never even heard the term until this thread. I would find that offensive too.


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## Pergamum (May 28, 2012)

kappazei said:


> I would add that befriending the 'ungodly' without being conformed to their worldview would would also entail being solidly rooted in a healthy Christian community.
> 
> This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. 3 In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.



I like this phrase:


> solidly rooted in a healthy Christian community.



As one is truly saved, it seems that their choice of places, friends and pastimes change. I have friends from high school and early college and it seems I have grown apart from many, if not most, of them. They no longer understand me. All my friends since high school have pretty much been "churchy friends."

At first, this made me feel guilty as I listened to many evangelicals speak of the merits of making friends for Jesus. I have also heard Christians faulted so many times for "living in your Christian bubble" and not associating outside of this bubble. But it seems like this "bubble" is a normal thing for most - birds of a feather flocking together.

However, it does seem that pastors and church-planters and evangelists should and must get out and seek to be a blessing to the community, being "friendly" to people and coming alongside people. But it seems that in those cases, it would seem hard for that person to get outside of their role and merely become "chums" with unbelievers. and it would seem that this person would seek to use every opportunity to check out the spiritual welfare of the persons with whom they are associating and to try to be intentional and to "shepherd" them as much as possible (i.e., not strictly a peer-to-peer relationship).


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## OPC'n (May 28, 2012)

absolutely it's biblical! we are in this world but not of it. i don't see anything wrong with hanging around non-Christians as long as you're not participating in activities that go against God. If you can't be around them and they know you don't want to be around them, good luck in being a good testimony for Christ and sharing about Him to them.


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## Pergamum (May 28, 2012)

Sarah, Where is this "hanging" happening, and of what activities does this "hanging around" consist of? 

Here is a description of the town of Vanity Fair in Bunyan's _Pilgrim's Progress_:



> THE PILGRIMS AT VANITY FAIR
> 
> Then I saw in my dreams, that, when they were out of the wilderness, they presently saw a town before them, and the name of that town is Vanity; and at the town there is a fair kept, called Vanity Fair. It is kept all the year long. It bears the name of Vanity Fair, because the town where it is kept is lighter that vanity, and also because all that is sold there, or that comes there, is vanity; as is the saying of the Wise, �All that cometh is vanity.�
> ....
> ...



If we can fit in and be comfortable in Vanity Fair, we need to question our citizenship, I believe.


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## Mushroom (May 28, 2012)

Pergs, I would think that Vanity Fair represents the whole of the world and the worldly systems in place around us, that we are wise to remain aloof of, but not the individual relationships we develop with unbelievers, where remaining aloof would be offensive and unchristlike.

I have several close unbelieving friends, well, as close as unbelievers can get, as well as family members. I work with a couple, in that they sub for me or I for them. They know without a doubt that I am a Christian, that I am uninterested in the filthy and lustful things they may otherwise ordinarily discuss or engage in when I'm not around, and respect that at risk of my ire and rebuke. I don't preach at them, but am ready to 'give a defense for the hope that lies within me' whenever they ask. I don't have delusions of being able to explain the color red to a color-blind man. Some of these fellows are close enough to me that if another unbeliever starts trending in the wrong direction, they will stop him before he gets too far out of respect for me. I love them, and hope to have them with me in glory, but leave that to the Lord. Sometimes I think that their interaction with me is the only experience they have of Christian love, and I do that so feebly that it shames me. Would it be better for them or for me to withdraw from those relationships? I don't know, but I think my life would be the poorer for it.


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## PuritanCovenanter (May 28, 2012)

Romans922 said:


> It didn't seem to work for Lot in Sodom...



This seems unwise.


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## PuritanCovenanter (May 28, 2012)

Sharing the Evangel? 

A drink of water can be that. Especially if a man is near death and thirsty. Water is not good news to a man who craves steak.



> (Mat 10:42) And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward."





> (Mar 9:41) For truly, I say to you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ will by no means lose his reward.


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## PuritanCovenanter (May 28, 2012)

I have friends who do horrendous things. Maybe I am more like an old Roman who lives in a totally Pagan Society. I might be too closely associated with it. Drugs, Prostitution, etc. I have seen my friends I love come and repent. It was because I was a light. Even in my darkness. More so in those times. I am horrendous.

I don't love my friends based upon truth. Just ask them. I have Lawyer friends who attest to this. They are prosecutors.

Romans 5. Romans 5:8 precisely


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## Pergamum (May 28, 2012)

Brad said:


> Pergs, I would think that Vanity Fair represents the whole of the world and the worldly systems in place around us, that we are wise to remain aloof of, but not the individual relationships we develop with unbelievers, where remaining aloof would be offensive and unchristlike.
> 
> I have several close unbelieving friends, well, as close as unbelievers can get, as well as family members. I work with a couple, in that they sub for me or I for them. They know without a doubt that I am a Christian, that I am uninterested in the filthy and lustful things they may otherwise ordinarily discuss or engage in when I'm not around, and respect that at risk of my ire and rebuke. I don't preach at them, but am ready to 'give a defense for the hope that lies within me' whenever they ask. I don't have delusions of being able to explain the color red to a color-blind man. Some of these fellows are close enough to me that if another unbeliever starts trending in the wrong direction, they will stop him before he gets too far out of respect for me. I love them, and hope to have them with me in glory, but leave that to the Lord. Sometimes I think that their interaction with me is the only experience they have of Christian love, and I do that so feebly that it shames me. Would it be better for them or for me to withdraw from those relationships? I don't know, but I think my life would be the poorer for it.



Brad, 

Thanks for the comments. 

Are these co-workers, acquaintances or true friends (close)? I realize that the definition of "friend" entails different things for different people. Did these friendships develop due to providences that you had no control over (work proximity, family, etc) or did you initiate these friendships for the purpose of evangelism? (that point is central to the OP)... Are we making the best of relationships providence has thrust upon us or are we seeking out these people as close friends?

My own situation is that I find myself slowly becoming more and more distant from my old friends (that I went to high school or college with) who remain unsaved due to different interests, different uses of time, etc. Should I feel guilty at letting this happen, or simply chalk it up to not being able to nurture every relationship and letting some go by the wayside due to lack of time or dissimilar interests, different priorities, etc? I try to hang out with some college friends (reunions, gatherings every few months, etc) when I am Stateside, but all they talk about is sports or how bad their jobs are, etc, and I find myself "checking out" and not being interested in them or anything they are talking about. 



> Sometimes I think that their interaction with me is the only experience they have of Christian love, and I do that so feebly that it shames me.



I will pray that God would bless your interactions with these friends. 

How do you stay intentional in your relationship? Is there even a need to stay intentional? How can we enjoy their company now in this world if you believe that you will not also enjoy their company in the world to come? At the Last Judgment we may, in fact, shout Amen to God's righteous Judgment on these folks and count them as the enemies of God. Do we intentionally try to vigorously evangelize them, even if we are not called as evangelists, do we strain to use every opportunity to explain the Gospel to them? How do I simply enjoy their company and "pass the time" with them without trying to speak the Gospel to them if I know the time is short and I feel the urgency that proximity to the lost entails? Do you feel an unease or an urgency when you are around them? How can I simply enjoy the company of people who are lost? 

Any advice?


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## Pergamum (May 28, 2012)

PuritanCovenanter said:


> Sharing the Evangel?
> 
> A drink of water can be that. Especially if a man is near death and thirsty. Water is not good news to a man who craves steak.
> 
> ...



Mr Norseman:

If you would like to start a new OP about this, I would like to advance the proposal that these "little ones" in Matthew 25 are not just people indiscriminately but are evangelists/missionaries going out for the Sake of the Name. On the Last Judgment how we receive Gospel Messengers will determine how God disposes of us.


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## Pergamum (May 28, 2012)

PuritanCovenanter said:


> I have friends who do horrendous things. Maybe I am more like an old Roman who lives in a totally Pagan Society. I might be too closely associated with it. Drugs, Prostitution, etc. I have seen my friends I love come and repent. It was because I was a light. Even in my darkness. More so in those times. I am horrendous.
> 
> I don't love my friends based upon truth. Just ask them. I have Lawyer friends who attest to this. They are prosecutors.
> 
> Romans 5. Romans 5:8 precisely



I am assuming these are friends that you met earlier in life? And that now as a New Creation you tend to gravitate towards different kinds of people now, even while trying to bless your already-existing network of friends from your "previous past life", right? That point is central to my OP (not deliberately seeking out close friendships with worldly people now that we are saved, especially in an effort to evangelize them).


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## PuritanCovenanter (May 29, 2012)

No, that isn't true Pergy. I have so many friends that keep coming into my life. Are all beneficial? No. Are all in need? Yes. I am too.


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## J. Dean (May 29, 2012)

I would think that Luther's advice to the shoemaker is fitting here ("Be the best shoemaker you can be for the glory of God"). We live our lives as Christians and be ready to give an answer to those who ask a reason, as Peter states.

When I was in college, it didn't take a whole lot to talk about the faith with others. Bearing witness is pretty easy in a place where solid Christians are few and far between. Can't say that anybody was converted specifically because of me, but those who talked with me knew what the gospel was.


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## a mere housewife (May 29, 2012)

People are relatable to others in different ways; and sometimes the ratio of saved to unsaved friends has to do with that, more than with the purity of our testimony. I think generally an extrovert will not only find it easier to make friends, but will probably have more interest in activities that also interest others at the same time he is being interested in them -- hence will have more in common with a wider range of people -- than an introvert. No doubt there are real dangers to be very aware of in getting caught up and drawn away from the Lord, rather than drawing others to him: but someone who doesn't have the same dangers also largely lacks the same opportunities. I don't see trying to make either person the 'norm' for how everyone should relate to unbelievers.

I am unfortunately one of those people who generally find it a form of psychological torture to have to attend an event or party. Yet I can still try to be a human being who is kind and sympathetic in my interactions (as people who approach Rich meet with respect); and while showing the Lord's love is not always or even mostly about words, occasionally that can afford as meaningful an opportunity as I could have to speak about my Lord, without the context (which someone like myself could probably only generate very artificially) of friendship with an unbeliever.


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## Semper Fidelis (May 29, 2012)

a mere housewife said:


> People are relatable to others in different ways; and sometimes the ratio of saved to unsaved friends has to do with that, more than with the purity of our testimony. I think generally an extrovert will not only find it easier to make friends, but will probably have more interest in activities that also interest others at the same time he is being interested in them -- hence will have more in common with a wider range of people -- than an introvert. No doubt there are real dangers to be very aware of in getting caught up and drawn away from the Lord, rather than drawing others to him: but someone who doesn't have the same dangers also largely lacks the same opportunities. I don't see trying to make either person the 'norm' for how everyone should relate to unbelievers.
> 
> I am unfortunately one of those people who generally find it a form of psychological torture to have to attend an event or party. Yet I can still try to be a human being who is kind and sympathetic in my interactions (as people who approach Rich meet with respect); and while showing the Lord's love is not always or even mostly about words, occasionally that can afford as meaningful an opportunity as I could have to speak about my Lord, without the context (which someone like myself could probably only generate very artificially) of friendship with an unbeliever.



Well said. That's why I think the idea of Friendship Evangelism is sort of focused on one aspect of our overall engagement with culture. It implies that the way to reach the lost is to deliberately become friends with people in order to evangelize them. I think there are employer-employee relationships where God can be glorified by our interactions with others and opportunity exists to share our hope (as it may come up) without having to think: "...unless I become buddies with this person then I can't evangelize him!"

I think Brad's example is perfect. The friendship developed naturally based, perhaps, on a business relationship related to his trade. Brad is not necessarily called to think: "Say, there are people that work for my friend and the only way I can reach them for the Lord is to go to the bar after work and become their bestest buddy...."

Again, friendship evangelism (as articulated in some ways) captures an aspect of our life in this world but we oughtn't think that it somehow encompasses *the* way.


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## kappazei (May 29, 2012)

I know that this is a thread about friendship evangelism but has anyone read this article about evangelism/outreach? 

The New Conversion: Why We 'Become Christians' Differently Today | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

It primarily talks about the Church moving away from the revivalist method of evangelism which would include one on one, 'get them to say the sinner's prayer' thing but but sinner-meets-church-pointperson kind of evangelism. 

"...the church was often defined as in the business of making conversions happen; its life and mission were oriented toward getting more people converted through whatever means possible...Increasingly, there is appreciation that conversion is a complex experience by which a person is initiated into a common life with the people of God who together seek the in-breaking of the kingdom, both in this life and in the world to come. This experience is mediated by the church and thus necessarily includes baptism as a rite of initiation. The power or energy of this experience is one of immediate encounter with the risen Christ—rather than principles or laws—and this experience is choreographed by the Spirit rather than evangelistic techniques. Evangelicals are reappropriating the heritage of the Reformation with its emphasis on the means of grace, and thereby affirming the priority of the Spirit's work in religious experience."


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## Pergamum (May 29, 2012)

a mere housewife said:


> People are relatable to others in different ways; and sometimes the ratio of saved to unsaved friends has to do with that, more than with the purity of our testimony. I think generally an extrovert will not only find it easier to make friends, but will probably have more interest in activities that also interest others at the same time he is being interested in them -- hence will have more in common with a wider range of people -- than an introvert. No doubt there are real dangers to be very aware of in getting caught up and drawn away from the Lord, rather than drawing others to him: but someone who doesn't have the same dangers also largely lacks the same opportunities. I don't see trying to make either person the 'norm' for how everyone should relate to unbelievers.
> 
> I am unfortunately one of those people who generally find it a form of psychological torture to have to attend an event or party. Yet I can still try to be a human being who is kind and sympathetic in my interactions (as people who approach Rich meet with respect); and while showing the Lord's love is not always or even mostly about words, occasionally that can afford as meaningful an opportunity as I could have to speak about my Lord, without the context (which someone like myself could probably only generate very artificially) of friendship with an unbeliever.



I like this little phrase....



> People are relatable to others in different ways



At least for men, many of us don't have many just friend-friends, but we have hunting friends or jogging friends, etc (relating to others around a single common interest). In this way, I have made acquaintances/friends with unbelievers due to a common interest in wrestling/jogging/hiking, etc. You and Rich and Brad's comments have been helfpul.


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## Pergamum (May 29, 2012)

kappazei said:


> I know that this is a thread about friendship evangelism but has anyone read this article about evangelism/outreach?
> 
> The New Conversion: Why We 'Become Christians' Differently Today | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction
> 
> ...



Interesting article.


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