# holding office w/ unbelieving spouse?



## C4MERON (Sep 22, 2021)

Would it be unbiblical for a man, assuming he is qualified in other areas, to hold office as either a deacon or an elder if his wife is unbelieving (even if she is generally happy to accompany her husband and children to church and is not hostile towards him raising the children to know the Lord)? 
Thoughts & opinions brothers and sisters? 


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## Polanus1561 (Sep 22, 2021)

A factor to consider is if he married as an unbeliever or he was a believer that went against counsel to marry an unbeliever, was under discipline and presumably restored.


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## Taylor (Sep 22, 2021)

John Yap said:


> A factor to consider is if he married as an unbeliever or he was a believer that went against counsel to marry an unbeliever, was under discipline and presumably restored.


This may be something to consider in the case of mere fellowship, but I’m not so sure about for holding office. “[Deacons’] wives must be serious, not slanderers, sober, and faithful in all things” (1 Tim. 3:11). This is a qualification for office. It’s difficult for me to see how to ascribe these things to an unbelieving wife, even a docile one. And furthermore, regardless of how it came about that the man under consideration is now married to an unbelieving wife, it’s difficult for me to imagine how a deacon can truly and totally give the necessary attention to his office knowing his home is spiritually out of order.

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## Polanus1561 (Sep 22, 2021)

Taylor said:


> This may be something to consider in the case of mere fellowship, but I’m not so sure about for holding office. “[Deacons’] wives must be serious, not slanderers, sober, and faithful in all things” (1 Tim. 3:11). This is a qualification for office. It’s difficult for me to see how to ascribe these things to an unbelieving wife, even a docile one. And furthermore, regardless of how it came about that the man under consideration is now married to an unbelieving wife, it’s difficult for me to imagine how a deacon can truly and totally give the necessary attention to his office knowing his home is spiritually out of order.



I didn't mean from my question that the answer would be an end-of-any-discussion. All I am saying is if it was the latter, then the discussion is closed in my opinion without any further discussion. And if the former, I would say the table is open for frank discussion and the conclusion may indeed be he is rejected on basis of his wife, and the conclusion charitably presented to the brother.

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## C4MERON (Sep 22, 2021)

John Yap said:


> A factor to consider is if he married as an unbeliever or he was a believer that went against counsel to marry an unbeliever, was under discipline and presumably restored.



I believe professing faith at the time most likely but not posessing. 


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## jwithnell (Sep 22, 2021)

From the wife's perspective, I cannot imagine being able to support my deacon husband without being 100 percent committed to Christ's church.


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## C4MERON (Sep 22, 2021)

ok thank you folks. Appreciate perspectives


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## Taylor (Sep 22, 2021)

John Yap said:


> I didn't mean from my question that the answer would be an end-of-any-discussion. All I am saying is if it was the latter, then the discussion is closed in my opinion without any further discussion. And if the former, I would say the table is open for frank discussion and the conclusion may indeed be he is rejected on basis of his wife, and the conclusion charitably presented to the brother.


I see. Sorry for my misunderstanding.

I would still argue that an unbelieving wife—regardless of how it came about historically—is disqualifying for any office from a biblical perspective. From a wisdom perspective, a lost wife far outweighs holding office in terms of importance and seriousness. In other words, as we say in the South, a man desiring office who has an unbelieving wife “has bigger fish to fry” at the moment.

Even if the man married his wife while he himself was an unbeliever, the discussion that needs to be had is not “Are you still qualified for office?” but rather “How can we help you lead your wife to faith?”

Even so, I confess that this is, of course, my opinion.

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## Kinghezy (Sep 22, 2021)

Taylor said:


> From a wisdom perspective, a lost wife far outweighs holding office in terms of importance and seriousness. In other words, as we say in the South, a man desiring office who has an unbelieving wife “has bigger fish to fry” at the moment.


I think I have heard a similar argument for when there is trouble with the children. From what I have seen at my church with an elder with young children, is that it is quite a burden on the whole family with all the responsibilities that come with an officer. How much worse if the children need extra attention? It almost seems cruel that a man could be an officer but there are needs at home that aren't being met (unbelieving spouse, trouble with kids, etc). I think the perspective ISN'T that the family is holding back the man, but that the man already had a commitment (family) that may be needed met first.

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## Ryan&Amber2013 (Sep 22, 2021)

Based off of my little understanding of the situation, something like that would just seem a bit strange to me. I see a husband and wife as being United as one. Being a church leader and having an unbelieving spouse, in my opinion would open the door for other troubles. 

Of course though, I would definitely recommend still serving the church in various ways, but just not taking on the formal title as elder or deacon.

That's just my perspective.


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## Taylor (Sep 22, 2021)

Kinghezy said:


> I think I have heard a similar argument for when there is trouble with the children. From what I have seen at my church with an elder with young children, is that it is quite a burden on the whole family with all the responsibilities that come with an officer. How much worse if the children need extra attention? It almost seems cruel that a man could be an officer but there are needs at home that aren't being met (unbelieving spouse, trouble with kids, etc). I think the perspective ISN'T that the family is holding back the man, but that the man already had a commitment (family) that may be needed met first.


This could also be a biblical issue, and not just a wisdom issue, depending on your understanding of Titus 1:6—namely, whether or not an elder should have "faithful" children or "believing" children. Either way, Paul does say that an elder's children must be ones "who are not accused of being wild or unruly" (Tit. 1:6).


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## 83r17h (Sep 22, 2021)

Taylor said:


> I would still argue that an unbelieving wife—regardless of how it came about historically—is disqualifying for any office from a biblical perspective.



This is the way I've understood it too. If God calls someone to office (ordinarily), then he provides the gifts / qualifications which he sets down. If he has not provided those, then that's a pretty clear sign that he is not calling someone to office.


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## C4MERON (Sep 23, 2021)

All good input. Its hard to think more objectively when the man in question is the one asking the question.. 
It is my conviction, that my household should be spiritually in order before even considering such an aspiration. 
Thank you brothers and sisters.


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