# My wife and mother..



## jjraby (Oct 9, 2011)

I


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## Edward (Oct 9, 2011)

I may have some substantive thoughts later but I want to organized my thoughts. For now, I'll pray for you and your wife.


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## calgal (Oct 9, 2011)

From the wife's perspective you as her son need to deal with mom not her. Also it helps to remember this particular command is in the bible 4 times starting at Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Your mom also needs to hear from you if she is saying hurtful things to your wife and your wife needs to feel supported by you. That will decrease some of the tension. Praying for you both.


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## seajayrice (Oct 9, 2011)

Pray, pray again. Repeat.


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## kvanlaan (Oct 9, 2011)

Disclaimer: First, I am not a wise man, I often shoot from the hip when I should not, but I have a hard time turning from what I see as an unjust situation without at least commenting. Second, there is limited information available, and there are likely other factors in the mix which make this a more complex situation than it seems. 

That being said, I have an opinion and everyone is entitled to it.

While you must respect your mother and deal with her in an honourable way, I don't see why you should not counsel her to apologize to your wife and to cease and desist on the comments, making it clear that her words will drive a wedge between *you* and her, since you have cleaved to your wife, and while you love your mother, your wife is first and foremost your family. You are now the head of that family, and caring for the emotional and spiritual welfare thereof is your #1 task.


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## he beholds (Oct 9, 2011)

I know I'm paranoid about such things, but I wanted to make sure you knew this was in a public forum, not members only.


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## Kim G (Oct 9, 2011)

Speaking as a wife, I can only say that my husband's primary responsibility is to ME over his mother. Thankfully, we have not had any tension between us all. But if your wife feels slighted by your mother, your job is not to require your wife to be a bigger and better person, but to protect her from what seems to her to be disparaging and hurtful comments. Maybe your wife has thin skin. Maybe she is holding bitterness. The Lord can help her with those things, and perhaps at the right time you can lead her in working in those areas. But your loyalty lies with your wife. If my mother said something hurtful to my husband and didn't apologize, you'd better believe she wouldn't be allowed in my house until she did. No one comes into my family, into my home, and hurts my other half without having to make amends. And I would be over-protective in the future to make sure it didn't happen again.

You'll have to ask elders for biblical advice; I'm just speaking from the gut as a wife.


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## Edward (Oct 9, 2011)

jjraby said:


> and she told me she was sorry, but offered no apology to my wife





jjraby said:


> My mom has not made any comments recently and it seems has attempted to mend the relationship as best as she can. My wife refuses to comply



Both of these statements can't be accurate. IF your mother made a sincere apology and your wife didn't accept it, things might not be different. But your statement about your wife refusing to comply makes absolutely NO sense in the context of your post. 

1. Apologize to your wife for your sin. 
2. Inform your mother that you all won't be visiting until she can learn to behave herself. 
3. Start your own family traditions for holiday meals. Invite your mother if she can respect the woman of the house. Tell her to start by writing a note of apology to your wife. 
4. Ask your session for prayer and counsel. 
5. Understand that as a seminarian, you are being subject to spiritual attack.
6. Ask the mods to move this to a non-public forum.


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## Andres (Oct 10, 2011)

I see you've edited your post, but I'm not sure what that means. I did read it earlier before it was deleted, so I'm going to share what I originally thought upon reading it - you need to stick up for your wife and quit pandering to your mother. I was a mama's boy through and through and I loved my mom like crazy, but there was no way I would have allowed my mom to demean my wife, intentionally or not.


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