# Notable song leaders - a humorous sketch



## Pergamum (Mar 29, 2008)

Hello;

In some of the church circles I run in Conrad Murrell is influential. He writes mostly good things (not all, however). Below is a humorous piece I thought was interesting and pretty amusing:



Notable Song Leaders


Let me introduce you to some of the more notable song leaders I have had the misery of observing and the unenviable task of trying to preach behind.

There is *Emcee Eddie*, who perceives himself the Master of Ceremonies of the religious show. He bounces onto the stage with all the fanfare he can arrange, cracks jokes, quips, banters with the people and announces songs with all the professional glitter of Hollywood. Every part of the meeting is introduced as an exciting event. When the preacher finally comes to the pulpit, it is all over except enduring to the end.

Then there is *Scared Sam*, who evidently feels so much out of place he can scarcely be heard. He didn’t want to be song leader at all, but some one had to stand up there. His fright and timidity infects the congregation so badly that no one can sing.

Here comes *Grinning George*. He thinks church is where everyone ought to be deliriously happy. Let no dour-faced Puritan intrude here. Taking his fingers, he turns up the corners of his big mouth, and bids everyone else to do the same. The ludicrous sight of someone trying to smile broadly and sing heartily at the same time is enough to make one burst out laughing.

Look out! Here comes *Fast Frank*. He will not have the song service “dragging”. The most sober and solemn of the majestic hymns (if he has to sing them) will not escape this speed demon’s mad rush. To pronounce all the words is a tongue twisting exercise. To understand and meditate upon them is impossible. Trying to follow Frank leaves the people breathless, bewildered and exhausted.

Behold *Athletic Albert*. Not only is his directing style energetic and expressive; he puts “body English” into everything. He squats and jumps. He runs backward and forward from the baptistry to the pulpit. He chases back and forth across the stage. He sways and wiggles. His antics are distracting enough to stop a clock. How are you going to worship, watching something like that?

My pet peeve is *Talkative Tom*. Tom is usually a frustrated “preacher”. He is constrained to give some sort of information, sermon, testimony or lecture in between each song. If nothing else, he will give you the background of the author and the history of the song. More often than not, he wants to tell you something about himself and why he likes this particular song, and what it ought to lead you to do. By the time he is through, we are too weary to sing.

The church’s ability to tolerate such travesties of worship in song, and survive to offer the Lord any true songs of praise at all, is indeed a miracle of grace, and a testimony of God’s sovereign ability and purpose to preserve His church through all perils.
- C. M. 







THOUGHTS? What is a song leader anyway? What are YOUR pet peeves about song leaders and the singing portion of service? What are some guidelines for leading music?


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## Southern Presbyterian (Mar 29, 2008)

Thanks for this post.

I think I know some of these guys. I went to Bible College with them.


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## Pergamum (Mar 29, 2008)

At a military chapel I went to their was the female version of a fast frank...a fast franny perhaps. 

We sang all the hymns so fast -- to a piano that was beaten to death with a vigorous zeal. 

I attended for 3 weeks while deployed to Colorado in preparation of further deployments and everytime she played the piano I was reminded of the old saloon scenes in movies where the guy is beating away on a piano in the corner with the same cheerful, if not idiotic, air while gunslingers played cards.

I actually cracked up laughing one time when we sang a few very somber hymns to her extra quick speed. I tried to catch myself and just laughed more. Instead of solemnity, this quick pace turned the song into pure silliness. 

.....bring forth the royal diadam....and crown him Lord of all....became _*bringforththeroyaldiademandcrownhimlordofall....*_

The supersonic rise and drop of inflection on _diadem_ put me over the edge.


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## JBaldwin (Mar 29, 2008)

I, too, have seen "all of the above" in song leaders. I remember one guy, in particular, that used to lead the singing in high school chapel. He got up in front of us, held up his right arm as if he were getting ready to salute Hitler and began moving his hand (only has hand) in whatever conducting pattern fit with the song we were singing. It was hilarious, and of course, most of the students snickered rather than singing the hymns. 

My pet peeve with song leaders is those who have to do it "their way", and when the congregation starts to slow down or speed up, they sing louder and louder into the microphone until they get their way. 

As a church musician (and currently music director), I have set up some principles/guidelines to keep me and the musicians from being a distraction:

1. Musicians are there to help the congregation sing better, not to put on a show. 
2. The tempo should be based on how difficult it is to sing the words and what is appropriate for that song. (Of course, this is subjective)
3. Pitch range of the song should be in the average singing range. 
4. The congregation is not a choir. So directions like speed up, slow it down, sing louder, etc. are not necessary. In other words, go with the flow. It is amazing how a congregation, with the proper sensitive leadership will "fall into" what tempo and mood works well. 
5. Personally, I think it is rare when anything needs to be said before a song, unless it will help the congregation know why they are singing it. For example, I remember recently where we added a verse to a song that had been dragged out of the archives of history. It was completely unfamiliar to the congregation, and the pastor asked me to comment on why we added it. Two short sentences took care of it, and we were singing the song. 

Frankly, I think song leading can happen without the congregation hardly noticing what is happening. Even our praise team is very understated. They help carry parts, keep us on pitch, etc., but their role is support, not leading. If a lead musician (or in a EP church, the song leader) announces the song and starts it off right (and musicians back it up properly), gymnastics, hand waving, loud singing or parading are unnecessary.


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## SueS (Mar 29, 2008)

How about "Decible Dan" who cranks up the state of the art sound system to such a pitch that the congregation can't be heard at all - eliciting the comment, "why bother singing at all?"


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## Grymir (Mar 30, 2008)

Humorous? Realistic sketch yes!! I've seen them all. Man, I'm getting so tired of the PCUSA, they are going to cause me to go RPW!


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## DMcFadden (Mar 30, 2008)

Grymir said:


> Humorous? Realistic sketch yes!! I've seen them all. Man, I'm getting so tired of the PCUSA, they are going to cause me to go RPW!



I always thought that Rush Limbaugh was a Methodist, not a PCUSA guy.


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## Grymir (Mar 30, 2008)

That is so interesting. When those notable song leader showed up at my church, most of the old timers left for the methodist church across the street.


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## Pergamum (Mar 30, 2008)

Ha, Decible Dan needs to be addd indeed!





Yes, 2 weeks ago, there was a song leader who overcontrolled everything, even to the point of telling us not to always look at our books but to sing out like we meant it. When she said again to do this I put my song book away and just read my bible quietly... not a fan of being bossed into singing.

Again, with the chorus...
Sing it out loud...
Without the instruments...
Okay, the women...
Okay, the men....

Yikes lady, leave me alone!


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## timmopussycat (Mar 30, 2008)

And somebody else could be added: 

*False Doctrine Freddy* Not often seen in Reformed circles this song leader introduces significant doctrinal errors by way of the songs he picks.


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## panta dokimazete (Mar 30, 2008)

The problem is that, in many cases, *talent *has been equated with *skill *for song leaders...



> 1 Chronicles 15
> 22Chenaniah, chief of the Levites, was in charge of the singing; he gave instruction in singing because he was *skillful*.



Note that he was ordained, also...


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## SueS (Mar 30, 2008)

Pergamum said:


> Ha, Decible Dan needs to be addd indeed!
> 
> 
> 
> ...





In our former church the man in charge would tell us when to raise our hands (remember, this was a charismatic church) - nothing like forcing "Spirit led" worship!!!


"We put both hands up,
we put both hands down,
we put both hands up,
and we shake 'em all around.
We don't need the Holy Spirit to sing our praise and worship songs,
we just do what we're told to do!"


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