# Reformed Books on Courting and Marriage



## Emmanuel

Can anyone recommend some solidly Reformed books on courting and marriage?

I know Doug Wilson has written several books on the subject, but I am a little hesitant to read them considering his status as a leader in the FV movement. Has anyone read Wilson's books? Are they worth reading?

I discovered a book called "Sex, Marriage, and Family Life in John Calvin's Geneva," but I am looking for something more pastoral and less academic.

Thank you.


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## Southern Twang

I read Wilson's "Her Hand in Marriage" and "Reforming Marriage" and would highly recommend them. Nothing FV is reflected in them.


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## A.Hudson

^^^ Was just about to say, I heard "Her hand in Marriage" Was Awesome!!! I have to get it.


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## Idelette

I also heard about "Her Hand in Marriage", another one I heard was good but haven't read yet is by Derek Thomas, "A Biblical Guide to Love, Sex and Marriage."


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## Zenas

I have heard that "Why I Kissed Dating Good-Bye" is horrible.


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## Kevin

Read Wilson! His books are the best recent treatments. 

& our own Greenbaggins engaged in a long on-line debate on the "FV" with pastor Wilson & gave him a (more or less) clean bill of health.

BTW if you will only read book writen by authors that you agree with on every point, you might want to begin planning what you will spend all of your savings on! After all, once you buy a Bible I doubt that there will anything left to spend money on.


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## charliejunfan

Southern Twang said:


> I read Wilson's "Her Hand in Marriage" and "Reforming Marriage" and would highly recommend them. Nothing FV is reflected in them.



I also would highly recommend them...although I don't think courting is as safe as Doug Wilson acts like it is. Although I wouldn't like it, I think arranged marriages are the best way to go!

Edited by Moderator. Note: Please refrain from name-calling.


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## Simply_Nikki

The Boundless.org website has lots of articles regarding dating/courtship and marriage.You may not agree with everything they write, but many of the authors do come for a reformed or at least somewhat reformed background.

Also, I was blessed with Voddie Bachum's "What He Must Be" sermon series which I believe is taken from his new book with the same title. I will try to find the link for this for you later, since I am in an airport right now .


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## TaylorWest

I have read just about everything by Wilson in this area (marriage, parenting, etc.) and it's simply the best there is out there. This is the kind of stuff you buy extra copies of and give out freely to others (both those who do counseling and those who need counsel). The PCA either needs to make amends with Wilson or get some real authors of their own. Most everything else I've seen is simply pathetic compared to what Wilson is doing in this area.

As for FV stuff, I haven't seen anything of his on that in publication. Does anyone know what titles he's published in which addresses the topic?


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## Emmanuel

Thanks to everyone. I've heard excellent things about Wilson's marriage and courtship books before...and I'm glad to hear that confirmed on here.

Should I start with _Her Hand in Marriage_?


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## Jake

I've heard good things about Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris (he is reformed).

I read the preceding book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, by the same author and found it very influential (being a teenager), but it doesn't specifically address what you're looking for.


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## ChristianTrader

A book by a Conservative Christian author (don't know if he is reformed) is:

The Perfect Match: Finding and Keeping the Love of Your Life by Kevin Leman

Absolutely wonderful book. Integrates his views on birth order being very important on how one grows up to see the world with concrete rarely asked questions that really lets you know what you need to know about potential spouses.

CT


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## Montanablue

Zenas said:


> I have heard that "Why I Kissed Dating Good-Bye" is horrible.



It is truly horrifying. 

But I think the same of the Doug Wilson books as well...so perhaps others would get something out of it.


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## BertMulder

How about 

'Leaving father and mother' by Rev. C. Hanko...


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## Hebrew Student

Hey Everyone!

It is difficult to recommend any book on this subject. I have found most books on relationships to be full of fluff. There may be a few exceptions, but that is the unfortunate reality.

God Bless,
Adam


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## Andres

Hebrew Student said:


> Hey Everyone!
> 
> It is difficult to recommend any book on this subject. I have found most books on relationships to be full of fluff. There may be a few exceptions, but that is the unfortunate reality.
> 
> God Bless,
> Adam



Adam, perhaps you could write one? You would be bound to make a nice profit seeing as how most are "full of fluff".


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## Hebrew Student

Andreas,



> Adam, perhaps you could write one? You would be bound to make a nice profit seeing as how most are "full of fluff".



The problem is that, in today's society, it is the fluff that sells.

God Bless,
Adam


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## ChristianTrader

Montanablue said:


> Zenas said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have heard that "Why I Kissed Dating Good-Bye" is horrible.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It is truly horrifying.
> 
> But I think the same of the Doug Wilson books as well...so perhaps others would get something out of it.
Click to expand...


Harris and Wilson are both of the "Courtship" school so it would be surprising if you thought good of one and not the other. Which relationship books do you recommend?

CT


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## JoyFullMom

The Bible...it's all there, how we are to live and to relate to one another...without someone's *opinion* thrown in.


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## Montanablue

ChristianTrader said:


> Montanablue said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Zenas said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have heard that "Why I Kissed Dating Good-Bye" is horrible.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It is truly horrifying.
> 
> But I think the same of the Doug Wilson books as well...so perhaps others would get something out of it.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Harris and Wilson are both of the "Courtship" school so it would be surprising if you thought good of one and not the other. Which relationship books do you recommend?
> 
> CT
Click to expand...


I second Polly's excellent suggestion of looking to Scripture. With the exception of one Elizabeth Elliot book, I've never found a "relationship" book that I thought had worthwhile advice. And Elliot focuses on scriptural principles (many of which can be applied to several situations) rather than recommending a particular method or course to follow. 

But since this thread is looking for those books specifically, I'll try not to derail it too much.


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## David

Montanablue said:


> Zenas said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have heard that "Why I Kissed Dating Good-Bye" is horrible.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It is truly horrifying.
Click to expand...


What, exactly, is so horrifying about it? It seemed pretty good when I first read it a couple of years ago, shortly after becoming a Christian.


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## CatherineL

I read Josh Harris' books a while ago, a few or Kevin Leman's books and a lot by Doug and Nancy Wilson. Its helpful to remember that these books are written to very different audiences. Harris and Leman's books are more to the mainstream Christian culture. Harris is talking to young people who have never considered anything other than dating, and even to Christians to whom sex before marriage isn't necessarily considered sinful. Leman writes to a similar sort of mainstream Christian audience, and includes a lot of personal stories (or examples like "Donna and Jim yadda yadda). Some people find that very helpful, I know especially my husband can't stand it so wanted to point that out. Leman also talks a lot about his birth order theories, which neither my husband or I found at all applicable, at least to us personally. (side note: We found taking the Meyer's-Briggs personality test much more helpful for looking at personality and compatibility issues. You can find several places to take that online for free).

The Wilson's books are not necessarily only for the super serious Christian, but they don't come at it with a "no seriously, we're not crazy because we're so different" approach. They don't water things down, and they are very direct. For those used to reading Christian "fluff" I think they can be startlingly blunt. Personally, I have gotten a lot out of their books. I had never even heard of any of the Federal Vision stuff until I came on the PB.


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## Nebrexan

Amazon.com: When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage (9780976758266): Dave Harvey: Books


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## jwithnell

_Marriage To A Difficult Man_, particularly the edition where the Pipers make comments to bring a better reformed understanding regarding the marriage of Sarah and Jonathan Edwards. It gives valuable insight into the functioning of a Godly home and is particularly readable.


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## Montanablue

David said:


> Montanablue said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Zenas said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have heard that "Why I Kissed Dating Good-Bye" is horrible.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It is truly horrifying.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> What, exactly, is so horrifying about it? It seemed pretty good when I first read it a couple of years ago, shortly after becoming a Christian.
Click to expand...


Its very poorly written, in my opinion.


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