# You might be a baptist if...



## blhowes (Dec 3, 2005)

It feels good not to be straddling the fence anymore. I'm convinced now that I'm a baptist...

1. You believe you are supposed to take a covered dish to Heaven.

2. You have never sung the third verse of any hymn.

3. You have never put an IOU in the collection plate.

4. You think that someone who says "Amen" while the pastor is preaching is charismatic.

5. You complain because your pastor only works one day a week and then "he works too long."

6. You clapped in church last Sunday and felt guilty all week.

7. You woke up craving fried chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans and interpreted it as a "call" to preach.

8. You think the epistles are the wives of the apostles.

9. You're old enough to get senior citizen discounts, but not old enough to be promoted into the senior adult dept.

10. You think the Holy Land is Nashville.

11. You think God's presence is always strongest in the last three pews.

12. You think John the Baptist founded the Southern Baptist Convention.

13. You think "Victory in Jesus" is the national anthem.

14. The first complete sentence you uttered was "We've never done it that way before."

15. You judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.


----------



## Arch2k (Dec 3, 2005)




----------



## Devin (Dec 3, 2005)

Nothing is more lonely than being the 3rd verse in a 4 verse hymn at a Baptist church.


----------



## Pergamum (Dec 3, 2005)

You think that being buried is to be totally covered (instead of a few specks of dirt sprinkled on ya)....


----------



## Philip A (Dec 3, 2005)

You can't get any better than Paul Manata's "You might be a Baptist" list:

http://presstheantithesis.blogspot.com/2005/06/you-might-be-baptist.html

Don't go there unless you've got a sense of humor!


----------



## blhowes (Dec 3, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Philip A_
> You can't get any better than Paul Manata's "You might be a Baptist" list:
> 
> http://presstheantithesis.blogspot.com/2005/06/you-might-be-baptist.html
> ...




2. If you reflect back on your life and you notice that you've never ordered a donut with sprinkles on it, you might be a Baptist.


----------



## Archlute (Dec 3, 2005)

13. If you chide paedobaptists for being to close to Rome in their view on the proper subjects of baptism but you sweep under the rug the fact that your view is just as close to Mormons, Jehovah's witnesses, Moonies, Branch Davidians, et al., you might be a Baptist.

Ouch!!!


----------

