# Over protecting or sheltering your kids



## ReformedWretch

My next blog article may deal with this issue, I haven't decided yet. It's something that drives me crazy, that's for sure! I hate when I see good kids sheltered or over protected as it so often leads to major rebellion. Some residential childcare staff do this to kids, some biological parents do it, and some entire residential facilities do it. I've watched numerous times as children go out on their own and fall into very hard or difficult situations because they were anxious to do any and everything they weren't allowed to do at home or placement. Of course this isn't an excuse to do evil on the child's part, but parents or house parents (or administration if it applies) who fail to see that being overly protective often leads to trouble need a hard lesson in the truth in my opinion.

Thoughts?


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## py3ak

You are correct.


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## Puritan Sailor

Perhaps some examples of what you mean by over-protective? and the proper remedy?


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## turmeric

When I got out on my own at 18, I had never had more than a dollar a week allowance to budget, all I knew was that everybody else was eating out and having dessert and buying stuff and we never could afford to. Suddenly I had a whole $300 a month (late 1970's) and no mom to say I couldn't. I was broke within a week!


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## ~~Susita~~

My parents did their best to shelter us from the "outside world" when we were really little. All that happened was my brother rebelled big time (drinking, growing his own plants, etc.) and the only thing that kept me from following was seeing how broken-hearted my parents were. I asked myself if I would want my kids to be doing the same thing (of course the answer was no). After that, my parents were less strict. They let me join swim team, I was in 4-H and doing other activities with other kids (mostly through the homeschool crowd, but still.). After having a taste of the sinful lifestyle, and enjoying it, my brother did his best to do it behind my parents' backs, but he ended up getting caught so they just gave him his freedom. They let him go wherever he wanted; the only condition was that he could not bring it back with him into the home. Needless to say, he learned his lesson pretty fast after bumping his head a few times.


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## shelly

It depends on how you define sheltered and overprotected.

I have allowed my children to spend the night at friends houses. I would rather their friends come here, even if it means spilled drinks and pizza sauce where it doesn't belong

I'm rethinking allowing them to stay the night where there are siblings of the opposite sex, but how can I really stick to that when we have both girls and boys? Not that I'm too nosy but I found a torn out page from my daughters diary when I was cleaning under her bed.... She's only 10!! So yeah, I am clamping down on their "freedom". They play sports and are involved in scouts etc. I'm not running a prison here but I'm not giving them the freedom to do what they want to.

Everytime I think that maybe they could have a little longer leash I am proven wrong. The older they get the more extreme that lesson could be. As a family we're not so bad to hang around. If their friends can't stand us then they really don't even like our child. The children know that when it comes time for them to be married that their future husband or wife will have to like us otherwise we're all going to have a miserable time.

My kids aren't going to have free reign of the car and just say "see ya" on the way out the door. My parents gave me plenty of freedom and it's only by the grace of God I didn't totally trash my life. I had no curfew. I just had to call if I was going to be out later than 1am.

There's no way my kids are going to have the "freedom" I had!!

shelly


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## shelly

I didn't go off the deep end until we left the cult like arminian church. Talk about going nuts with freedom. The pendelum swung way the other way.

Maybe the overprotection you're talking about is more closely related to legalism. It's just a do this, don't do that because I said so, without any connection to what God has to say about it. Or worse yet misrepresents what God says! That'll really send 'em off the edge!

shelly


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## ReformedWretch

Focus on the part of my post that says



> I hate when I see good kids sheltered or over protected as it so often leads to major rebellion.



We're talking about children (13-17) that have proven themselves to be pretty trustworthy. They still need some supervision and guidance, and ocasionally consequences for poor choices but over all they are very well behaved and mature.

Now, a child like that asks to use the car.

Thoughts?


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## matt01

> _Originally posted by houseparent_
> We're talking about children (*13*-17) that have proven themselves to be pretty trustworthy...
> 
> Now, a child like that asks to use the car.
> 
> Thoughts?



The majority of children in that situation don't need a car.


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## Puddleglum

If a responsible 17 yr old asks you to use the car, and lets you know where they're going and you can agree on basic ground rules (what time to be back, etc.), I don't think that would be a problem . . .


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## tdowns

*Sleep overs*



> _Originally posted by shelly_
> It depends on how you define sheltered and overprotected.
> 
> I have allowed my children to spend the night at friends houses. I would rather their friends come here, even if it means spilled drinks and pizza sauce where it doesn't belong
> 
> I'm rethinking allowing them to stay the night where there are siblings of the opposite sex, but how can I really stick to that when we have both girls and boys? Not that I'm too nosy but I found a torn out page from my daughters diary when I was cleaning under her bed.... She's only 10!! So yeah, I am clamping down on their "freedom". They play sports and are involved in scouts etc. I'm not running a prison here but I'm not giving them the freedom to do what they want to.
> 
> Every time I think that maybe they could have a little longer leash I am proven wrong. The older they get the more extreme that lesson could be. As a family we're not so bad to hang around. If their friends can't stand us then they really don't even like our child. The children know that when it comes time for them to be married that their future husband or wife will have to like us otherwise we're all going to have a miserable time.
> 
> My kids aren't going to have free reign of the car and just say "see ya" on the way out the door. My parents gave me plenty of freedom and it's only by the grace of God I didn't totally trash my life. I had no curfew. I just had to call if I was going to be out later than 1am.
> 
> There's no way my kids are going to have the "freedom" I had!!
> 
> shelly



Shelly, I hear you on the sleep over thing. We've decided to set some boundaries very early on for sleep overs and dress. My two little ones are 7 and 5 and the sleep over invites already started.

I give my kids lots of freedom, and we do tons of exciting things together, but I'm not going to allow them to sleep over at anyone's house except my one closest friend who is like family. Why? Because ask any councilor where a very high % of molestation comes from...sleep overs. And I've seen it happen with others, if we let them now, with some kids, how do you say no to other kids.

It's just easier to set the tone now, that we just don't do sleep overs. 

Then when they get older, it's not such a big thing. Same with the dress code, and going to little parties etc. I don't feel I'm overprotective at all, but kids will experiment, older siblings and the opposite sex will experiment, if left alone. So my kids are going to skateboard, play sports, go on adventure hikes, swim and mountain bike (my daughter can ride the trails at five) and play in streams. But I'm going to be around unless it's my designated, very trustworthy friend and his kids.

I do have a daughter that is graduating high school today. She was given way to many freedoms from her mother. We were never married. And she has done pretty well, but, her dress is outlandish, and she has too many privileges with her boyfriend. I did talk her into going to a Christian college, but I can only trust in God, pray, and give Godly advice when I can, because I really have no control over that one.

Soooooo I think it's a tightrope of a line in giving kids responsibilities and freedoms while protecting them from teenage stupidity. But the boundaries need to start far before teenage land or it's going to be tough.

I will say I abused the almost total freedom I had, I had two kids out of wedlock before I became a Christian. And thank God I'm a part of both of their lives and they are a blessing, but, under tighter supervision I don't think I would have had quite the full range of experiences that I did.

I look forward to your article Adam.


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## ReformedWretch

> _Originally posted by matthew_
> 
> 
> 
> _Originally posted by houseparent_
> We're talking about children (*13*-17) that have proven themselves to be pretty trustworthy...
> 
> Now, a child like that asks to use the car.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The majority of children in that situation don't need a car.
Click to expand...


Ok, what ever situation you want to use. What I am saying is that if children have PROVEN to be mature and responsable isn't our duty as parents (or house parents in my case) to begin to let go even if they may make a mistake? Do we continue to treat children who've shown us good things as if they have not shown us these things in the name of "protecting" them?


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## blhowes

> _Originally posted by houseparent_
> Focus on the part of my post that says
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I hate when I see good kids sheltered or over protected as it so often leads to major rebellion.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> We're talking about children (13-17) that have proven themselves to be pretty trustworthy. They still need some supervision and guidance, and ocasionally consequences for poor choices but over all they are very well behaved and mature.
> 
> Now, a child like that asks to use the car.
> 
> Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Should we assume for the sake of argument that they've proved themselves to be good, safe drivers? At that age, though they may be trustworthy and good kids, they wouldn't have had much time to prove themselves to be good drivers.

Should we also assume I'd be letting them drive the junk box I drive back-and-forth to work, instead of the Corvette that's parked in my driveway?


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## Puddleglum

Yes - if they've proven themselves to be responsible, you have to start giving letting them go - that's the best way to learn, really. 
And preventing a teenager from even attempting to go into a situation because when you've been in that position you've messed up (even though there's nothing intrinsically wrong with the situation and they've been responsible up to that point) is a brilliant way to mess up your relationship with them, in my opinion.


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## ReformedWretch

> And preventing a teenager from even attempting to go into a situation because when you've been in that position you've messed up (even though there's nothing intrinsically wrong with the situation and they've been responsible up to that point) is a brilliant way to mess up your relationship with them, in my opinion.



Now you're on the same page as me! :bigsmile:

Don't just focus on driving, I used that because someone else brought it up. Consider visits from the opposite sex (not over nights), dating, going to an amusement park all day without supervision, etc.


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## blhowes

Adam,
Thanks for starting this thread. My oldest son is 16 now, so its good for me to be thinking about these things.

A little off topic, but from your experience with kids, which ones tend to get into more trouble - those with over-protective parents, or those on the other extreme with parents that don't seem to have any behavioral guidelines (they basically let their kids do whatever they want)?


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## ReformedWretch

Oh the permissive parents have much worse children by far! However....

What happens with the over protective parents (not always, but often) is that their children are very well behaved, polite, etc. but the minute they get some freedom (College, etc) they go HOG WILD!

I've seen countless children who respected and listened to their parents make down right earth shattering decisions in young adult hood (get pregnant on purpose, marry a guy who just got out of prison, etc.) simply because it would prove they could now make their own decisions and it would upset mom and or dad.

I've seen kids move far, far away just to get freedom from controlling parents, and most of all I have seen them settle down with and sometimes even marry controlling spouses because that's all they ever knew and thought it was normal. If the controlling mate dislikes the parents then all the better.

Often, what over protective parents want ends up back firing on them. I hate it when good kids are over protected because it so often messes up what could have been a very good future for them if the parents had learned how to let go and allow them to make a few mistakes or fail once in a while.


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## Augusta

I believe there is more than one type of overprotective parent. I believe and hope more than anything that we can protect our children from many things. 

We have been trying to not only feed, clothe, and shelter our children and discipline them, but to shape their character. I can see, and my husband can also, how each one of our children resemble various other extended or immediate family members. We have data on how those people came out and how their world view shaped their actions and thinking. We try to get ahead of a possible trouble spot in their thinking by explaining things. 

We do a lot of talking to our children and explaining the what and why of various attitudes and ways of thinking. We are trying to instill wisdom and intelligence into our children about the ways of the world. Critical thinking skills are so important now a days with the media onslaught of wrong ideas and ways of thinking. Especially the "the world revolves around me" thinking. 

I think that teaching your children a Christ-centered world view is essential. Many things teens might think of trying out would seem stupid to a Christ-centered teen who already realizes the vanity of worldly things. I didn't have to "experience" things for myself to know some things are just stupid. Everyone is different though and all you can do is your best.


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## ReformedWretch

Traci

I don't disagree with what you've said here! My parents raised me very much like what you have said here. I don't believe a person has to try something in order to know or understand that it's foolish. Not at all! What I do believe is doing what you've said here and once your children show they have learned, listened, and respected, you begin to cut them some slack, give them some rope.

Here's my thing...

I have worked with teens for 14 years now. My wife and I are very good at developing strong, trusting relationships with them. Many (most) of the kids we work with share nearly everything with us. They trust us and believe we love and care for them. It's a different role than a biological parent because we are not as threatening. To disappoint us is not as "scary" as it is to disappoint your biological parent.

Because of all that we gain a ton of insight into the children's world. I wish I could just make parents see what it is their child needs. I don't want to steal anyone's child, I don't want to take over a parents role in their family! All I want is to help paretns and children understand one another better so things are better for everyone.

I've been a little bummed/angry lately watching a few kids I KNOW are awesome, awesome kids (their behavior is amazing for two lovely teenage girls) be over protected by their parent. They tell me their thoughts and plans for the future and they are based very much around this over controlling parent. So far there's been nothing "scary" but I know kids, and I know what most will do in rebellion especially when they feel they've been treated unfairly.

I wish someone would just listen.


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## Puritan Sailor

Adam, 
Have you warned those girls they about the temptation they will face once they've escaped their mother? It would seem if they were good kids that you could reason with them and get them to understand not to over react when they get their freedom. Just a thought from someone with no experience


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## ReformedWretch

Oh yes. My wife and I have a great relationship with them and we talk about this all the time. This can make the mom worse at times though as she is determined to be more controlling the closer her daughters get to us.

[Edited on 5-24-2006 by houseparent]


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## Augusta

> _Originally posted by houseparent_
> Oh yes. My wife and I have a great relationship with them and we talk about this all the time. This can make the mom worse at times though as she is determined to be more controlling the closer her daughters get to us.
> 
> [Edited on 5-24-2006 by houseparent]




I see where you are coming from Adam. I would be careful though if the mother of daughters doesn't know you very well you might be scaring her with your influence over her daughters. I know that would scare me. These are not homeless girls then? They are not part of your job? 

Even though this Mom might not be perfectly right, these are her children and God gave them to her. You should be careful not to undermine her authority with her children as it is God-given. It would be more damaging to those girls to question their authority figures and gain some freedom, when they should be willing to endure limited freedom in order to obey the authority given to them. 

Of course if they are not Christians this will sound ludicrous. However you as a Christian should never undermine the authority of parents. I am not saying that you are doing that in this case. I don't have all the facts. I'm just saying from a mothers point of view, I would endeavor to maintain my husband and myself as THE most influential people in my children's lives and it would be a big red flag if some other couple were stepping into that role.


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## ReformedWretch

No, the girls were placed here (thus in our care) by the mom. She is still a part of their life, but our job is to do what were doing.


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## turmeric

Is anyone working with the mom? When Child Welfare kids go into residential treatment the parents usually get some kind of therapy too.


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## ReformedWretch

I work for a school, the parents CHOOSE to send their kids here.


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## Augusta

Well in that case Adam that Mom has given over her authority willingly. It must be God's plan that those girls are able to be influenced by you and your wife. May God bless those girls through that influence.


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## shelly

We had a 15 year old cousin stay with us for 2 months. She confided in me about a lot of things. She is a good kid and obeys the limits her mother sets. But because of the level of freedom she was given since she was so trustworthy she ended up in some dangerous situations.

I've worked with teens for several years and almost of them ended up trashing their life and at best marrying a dud.

Freedom and teens don't mix. They don't have the life experience to know the dangers they are putting theirselves in. Do they know what to do when some men follow them out of walmart and follow them in their car?
Do they know what to do when a friends brother and friends corner them? At that point, it doesn't really matter because things will be out of their control. It's not a matter of a parent not trusting their teen, it's a matter of parents knowing the scum who target their teen.

So, no I wouldn't give the keys to one of my children when they just want to go somewhere. I would give the keys to one of them if there was at least two of them and if one of them was one of my sons. I wouldn't send my two daughters to the store. I've looked up the creeps that live around here. I know they go places too, and I won't send my daughters out unprotected no matter how much I trust them. 

I teach my children that when you're in the car your best weapon is your gas pedal. I learned that one in college by experience. Drug dealers learned to scatter when they saw my car coming because they knew I wasn't stopping at the stop sign. It's much better to tell the now funny stories as learning tools than to let them learn on their own. I've never been carjacked and drug dealers never held on to my car for long.

All it takes is a wrong turn in town and you are 2 blocks into the wrong area and in danger. I'm not being a jerk, I'm just stating the facts according to my experiences in various cities and states.

Maybe this will make sense at least so you know why we've made the decisions we have in regards to our family.

shelly


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## ReformedWretch

Shelly

Where in the world do you live?!?!


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## shelly

I've lived in the west, the midwest and the south. 

I've lived in exclusive subdivisions and ones where you listen for shots before you open the door. 

I've lived in suburbs and city. Large cities and small. And I've lived out in the country where you "go to town".


I've ducked "just in case" as a teen; and as a married 20 something carrying my baby in carcarrier and another under my arm. (My biggest concern was always the fact that they couldn't aim. If they could actually hit each other it would be a lot safer. I've only actually seen 3 guys shot because they usually miss.)

The "wrong" side of town is never very far away. The houses can be quite expensive and still harbour those who practice witchcraft. As a teen I knew where not to go at certain times, but curiosity would be a draw and we'd go look at the places where the sacrifices were done. The times we heard others there or coming towards us were always enough to scare us spitless. My parents had no idea I knew where the pentagram places in the woods were. We'd all go trooping off for a hike with a sack lunch and dare each other to go all the way into "the clearing" when we saw remains. We were teens and were very obedient and trustworthy. But we were still foolish.

Maybe PA is the *true* Bible Belt and the rest of the country is really scum.

I've lived a lot of places and always either knew where the witchy places were or knew someone who knew. Now that I'm grown that sort of info is no longer shared with me, but I know its still out there.

I'm "overprotective" because these are our children that God has entrusted to me. I plan on doing a whole lot better than what I had. My dh always looks at me like I crawled out of some rock somewhere when I share some of my experiences. I give the short version:bigsmile: otherwise I'd probably scare him. Oh yeah, the short version does scare him!

So maybe my experiences are unique and life isn't really how I've seen it, but just in case... 

Everyone has to take care of their kids the best they can according to what they believe God would have them do. You know what I've said about what we do and will do; you just have to use wisdom and discernment with yours.

shelly


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## CDM

I'd like to know what "over protecting" means before I answer. My children are 8, 3.5, 1.5, and 4 months old. So, except for our 8 year old, they may be too young to consider overprotecting.


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## ReformedWretch

My thoughts regarding this wouldn't apply to children the ages of yours.


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## BJClark

houseparent,


I realize this is an older topic, but hey, I've been busy and not reading and posting often.


My oldest is 18 and a senior in HS, and still isn't dating, she has turned down many a dates because the boys choose to drink, do drugs, lie to other girls they have gone out with, and even though some of them are graduated from High School, do not attend college or even work full-time.

One boy told her she would NEVER date or get married, because her standards are too high. She told him, if thats the case then that's the case and she would accept that, but she wasn't going to go out with someone just to say she has a bf or to say she went on a date. Now he's asking her what books she had to read, because he wants to read them too, hoping it will help him make better choices in his own life.

She has few restrictions in the things she can do, she has gone away with one of her friends for a weekend to another town across the state, just the two of them, (her friends mom only allowed her to go because my daughter was going). She has even gone away with other friends to Disney for overnights, and gone to another state with another friend to her sisters house for a weekend. 

When she was younger she made wise choices, in not only her dress, but in her friends, she stopped assocaiting with certain people because of choices they were making which she disagreed with. She set healthy boundaries with them and let them know she would assocaite with them only when they were NOT doing certain things.

So yes, she has certain freedoms now, that had she made other choices, she may not have now.

I let my kids do sleep-overs, and go to the skate station, and various other things, but if they break a trust, even in not doing things like homework, they lose those privledges until they rebuild my trust.

I've let my kids suffer the natural consequences of their actions, such as one failed a grade in school, I didn't let them go to summer school, they had to repeat the grade. I explained to her, those were the natural consequences of her choices not to do the classwork and homework that year, and that everyone else in the family was not going to suffer over the summer not being able to do things JUST so she could go to summer school to pass the grade. She made straight A's the next year. 

the local skate station has a 'dance' room, and I set boundaries saying they can not go in there, and IF I find out they have, then they can't go back until they have rebuilt the trust they broke. My youngest daughter went through this, and it took her many months to rebuild the trust, and even when she was finally allowed to go back to the skate station, she had to either have her younger brother or older sister with her. Her sister to watch her, or her younger brother for HER to watch over and set the example for, thus far it's worked out great. 

Last year, she was invited to two different parties, one which was going to end about midnight, with little parental supervision, the other ending earlier with much supervision, I gave her the choice of which one she wanted to attend. She sat down with me and discussed all the pros and cons of each party, I only asked why she thought the things she listed were pros and cons. And she explained her reasons. And chose the one with more parental supervision, she thought there were more pros in going to that one.

Another time, she was asked to stay the night with another girl, they were planning on meeting a bunch of boys at the movies and splitting into dates. She was 12 at the time and knows she can't date until shes 16, and has read two books (Boundaries in Dating, and Dating, Intimacy and the Teenage Years) she told the girl she couldn't stay the night because they were planning the 'date', the girl told her to lie to me, or just not tell me and even had her mother call to talk to me about it. I asked my daughter why she didn't want to go, she was honest, she said, "It's not that I DON'T want to, but this is what they are planning, and I know if I do that, it would be going against you, so I made the choice to tell her I can't go, and why." she even told me the girl encouraged her to lie to me about it. 

She's 14 now, and almost done reading one of the books, she has boys asking her out on dates already and has told them she can't date until she's 16, and even telling them about the books she has to read first. She's even shared with them some of the things she's learning from the one book she's been reading, about how a boy is supposed to prove himself, and be accountable to the girls father. I guess one of the boys told her recently, "liking her is like going into an expensive jewlery store, seeing something you like, but knowing it's going to take a lot of work to get the one you want." She told him, if he feels its to much work or to long a wait, then feel free to date other people, and don't look back or regret his choice no matter what it is.

She's making wise choices, and as she gets older will have greater freedoms because of her choices now.

For the past few years, I have given them money to buy their own school clothes, they know the school rules and whats acceptable, and whats not, they have made wise choices in their purchases, not only in how much they are willing to spend on an item, but in the style of clothes they choose. One of the questions I have heard them ask themselves when picking out clothes is "If I seen someone else wearing this outfit what impression would *I* get of them at first glance? If they think it would make someone else look sleezy, they think it would give them the same appearance, so they don't buy it.

They have been sharing those tidbits with their step-sister, who can dress pretty provative for her age (with clothes her mother and aunt pick out for her), she has struggled with her reputation over the past couple of years and she's only 13. And with it being them and not just me and her dad coming along side of her sharing these things, her choice in clothes is gradually changing. My oldest daughter told her, "if you dress and act as if you don't respect yourself, you will attract boys who don't respect you."

I realize this is rather long, but I believe if they show they are trustworthy, then yes, they should have more freedoms as they get older. 

However, they can only learn to make wise choices if you allow them to make SOME choices for themselves when they are younger and allow them to experience whatever consequences good or bad. I believe that helps them long term in being able to look ahead and reason out what the consequences of their choices will be, knowing mom and dad won't be there to bail them out of suffering any negative consequences, yet at the same time emotionally supporting them and loving them even when they make bad choices.


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## ReformedWretch

Excellent Bobbi!!

Excellent!


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## BJClark

> Every time I think that maybe they could have a little longer leash I am proven wrong.



When they do these things do you explain how they broke your trust? And give them ways to rebuild it? 




> We've decided to set some boundaries very early on for sleep overs and dress. My two little ones are 7 and 5 and the sleep over invites already started.



I've always been pretty liberal with sleep-overs, but I had to know the parents, and the kids who they would be staying the night with, they couldn't just stay the night at any friends house. Even now with my kids being teens, if they are staying the night with someone I always make it a point to get to know the parents. And I am not afraid to ask the parents what activities they are planning, but for the most part my kids know what the activities are before they even ask me, because they know I will be asking. 

Even as far as clothes go, at a young age, when you take them shopping you can pick out two or three various outfits and let them choose between the those. It teaches them to see they always have choices, even if they don't like all the choices, they still have a choice.



> I don't feel I'm overprotective at all, but kids will experiment, older siblings and the opposite sex will experiment, if left alone.



Not all kids will experiment, even when left alone. When my oldest was in Junior high, she had a friend who was choosing to take boys home with her, and choosing to get involved in drugs. I was a single parent and working full-time, and my daughter knew I didn't get home until late and wouldn't find out if she was going off with her friend and her younger siblings were in afterschool care so she didn't have to watch after them. But she made the choice not to join in those things, and even came to me and told me what was going on while this girls mom was at work.




> I do have a daughter that is graduating high school today. She was given way to many freedoms from her mother. We were never married. And she has done pretty well, but, her dress is outlandish, and she has too many privileges with her boyfriend. I did talk her into going to a Christian college, but I can only trust in God, pray, and give Godly advice when I can, because I really have no control over that one.



I'm curious, and in no way do I mean any disrespect, I realize you didn't marry her mother, but weren't you actively involved in her life? Didn't you still have some influence in your daughters life? Have you as her father met her boyfriend? Have you held him accountable for how he treats her? And the liberities he takes with her? Have you taken the time to share with her how precious and valuable she is as God's creation? And that she will one day be a gift wrapped up in her wedding gown from God to her husband? A gift that you will probably walk down the aisle and present her to her future husband, knowing how he treats her now, would you be able to trust him to care for and protect her in a lifelong marriage? 

have you shared with them your failings and lack of understanding those things when you were younger and what you have learned from your choices? And how you want so much more for them, than you had?

There is a book by Karl Duff, "Dating, Intimacy and the Teenage Years" that is awesome, as he covers God's design for relationships, and a fathers role in protecting their daughters and how fathers are needed to hold boys accountable under the fire for how they treat girls so that they can grow up to become Godly men, husbands and fathers. 

he even explains how and why mothers and daughters struggle to watch their sons and/or boyfriends put through the fire of accountablity, and why they fight against seeing it happen, because by their very nature most women are nurturers and were created to bring comfort against those things.

Like I said, it's an awesome book, and I seen how my own father failed miserably in those areas and can see even more clearly how so many young girls get involved in abusive relationships and don't see a way out.

[Edited on 8-16-2006 by BJClark]

[Edited on 8-16-2006 by BJClark]

[Edited on 8-16-2006 by BJClark]

[Edited on 8-16-2006 by BJClark]


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