# Family Visitation



## N. Eshelman (Apr 26, 2010)

Hey elders and pastors: 

My Session is starting family visitation this week and I am wondering two things: 

1. What do you recommend to read in preparation for family visitation? 
2. What are some of the questions that you all find helpful when conducting family visitation? 

Thanks! I am sure that it will be a helpful discussion. 

Nate


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## Guido's Brother (Apr 26, 2010)

Reformed churches practice annual family visitation (aka, "home visits"), so we have a bit of literature on the subject. A classic is Peter Y. DeJong's Taking Heed to the Flock: A Study of the Principles and Practices of Family Visitation. A newer book is Peter G. Feenstra's The Glorious Work of Home Visits. The last mentioned one may be especially helpful since it does contain an appendix with recommended themes and questions.


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## Backwoods Presbyterian (Apr 26, 2010)

Jay Adams has a good discussion of this in his book "Shepherding God's Flock"...


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## larryjf (Apr 26, 2010)

1. What do you recommend to read in preparation for family visitation? 

More than reading something, I recommend having vital relationships with those in church on an ongoing basis. Then when family visits happen you will know the direction in which to take the visit (family needs, struggles, etc.)


2. What are some of the questions that you all find helpful when conducting family visitation? 

Ask them questions regarding their personal spiritual development/devotional life in areas such as...
Bible reading, prayer, struggles with faith, sins, victories since the last visit (over sins, struggles, etc.)


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## dfranks (Apr 26, 2010)

The OPC website has some great information concerning elder visitation. I recommend you do a search from Orthodox Presbyterian Church

Two helpful links are:

Q and A Peter Y. DeJong's book Taking Heed to the Flock
Q and A ELDER VISITATION: WHAT TO EXPECT


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## Scott1 (Apr 26, 2010)

Having received a couple of these kind of visitations, from that perspective, I would appreciate:

1) an offer to pray with and for me and my family then, and on an ongoing basis
2) a quick answer to any doctrine or practice questions, or resources to get the answer
3) offer of any helps needs that I would wish to publically share with the covenant community
4) an assurance of complete confidentiality amongst the officers, unless I waive it
5) if I were a new believer or new to a reformed communion, a helpful book with some aspect of living the Christian life (priority of Lord's Day worship, family worship, church discipline, church polity and local organization, ministry group list, etc.)


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## larryjf (Apr 26, 2010)

Scott1 said:


> Having received a couple of these kind of visitations, from that perspective, I would appreciate:
> 
> 1) an offer to pray with and for me and my family then, and on an ongoing basis
> 2) a quick answer to any doctrine or practice questions, or resources to get the answer
> ...


 
I would never offer complete confidentiality without knowing what i was going to keep confidential. I tell folks that they must trust my discretion on matters they bring to me.

If a youth leader comes and tells me that he's been having an affair with a youth, i can not keep that confidential. There would be many other areas where this kind of confidentiality would be injurious to the Body of Christ rather than helpful.


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## Scott1 (Apr 26, 2010)

> *larryjf*
> 
> I would never offer complete confidentiality without knowing what i was going to keep confidential. I tell folks that they must trust my discretion on matters they bring to me.



I think I'm understanding what you are saying... yes, if God causes scandalous public sin to become known, then the elders must do something, at the appropriate level of discipline, which might even still be private among themselves (e.g. session).

What I'm thinking of is the concern we all have about confidences of many kinds being betrayed. Think of the example of a lawyer- even though there are a very few instances where he must report something, the confidences and secrets of the clients is at the heart of the relationship- and his responsibility.

And, of course, we would assume that elders would, among themselves, collectively evaluate and make judgments should that become necessary in the discretion of those doing the visitation.

Even then, though, ordinarily most things ought be carefully kept in confidence. We would even expect this of a close friend- how much more one with this kind of authority over us.

I don't think you meant otherwise, only to clarify as this is a natural concern for people new to formal church visitations to have.


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## larryjf (Apr 26, 2010)

Scott1 said:


> > *larryjf*
> >
> > I would never offer complete confidentiality without knowing what i was going to keep confidential. I tell folks that they must trust my discretion on matters they bring to me.
> 
> ...


 
Yes, i agree with "most" things being kept in confidence as you said in this last post rather than "complete" confidentiality as was in the first post that i replied to.

There needs to be a high level of trusting the discretion of others in the Body of Christ, especially officers of the Church.


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## Jack K (Apr 26, 2010)

When I used to help with visitation, our typical first question after the small chat was "What can the church be doing better?" followed by _really listening_ to the answer. Most people have a gripe or two or an idea they believe in, and it seemed to help to give them a chance to express it. It also signals you aren't there to beat them up. It makes them more able to receive necessary correction later in the conversation because you've been willing to hear their criticism. And it helped us to actually see where we needed to improve.

Fairly often, all the other questions about their spiritual status and struggles would flow naturally from that opening.


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## Scott1 (Apr 26, 2010)

Church discipline in an important topic, one aspect of covenant community, and a characteristic of reformed churches, but it is still rare in our generation.

Jay Adams book, _Handbook of Church Discipline_, is helpful for all (elders, deacons, church members) to read in understanding this.

Most discipline is really self regulating, or privately regulated between ordinary relationships.

The "public" aspect of discipline comes almost always from impenitence, not from the sin itself, or from the fact that it is already publicly known....

So, in line with the original post, it would be helpful for that to come across in a visitation, especially for someone new to the process.


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## William (Apr 26, 2010)

Hi Nate. You may have all you need here but if you're interested I preached a sermon on family visitation. You can listen at http://carbondalerc.org/audiosermons/2008, 10,12, AM Family Visitation.mp3
Hope things are well in L.A. BTW, were you in Eastern or Western PA when you were growing up?


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