# You Might be a Gnostic if...



## RamistThomist (May 24, 2005)

I got this from acidink.org
You might be Gnostic if you think that full time Christian ministry is superior to Artists who paint landscapes.

You might be Gnostic if you think that the reason you make money is so that you can give most of it to really important things like Missionaries and the Church.

You might be Gnostic if you think that the most holy things you do during the day is pray, read your bible and share the 4 spiritual laws with somebody.

You might be Gnostic if you think the pastor shouldn't Preach on anything that isn't "Spiritual."

You might be Gnostic if you think the New Testament is a more "Spiritual" section of the Scripture then the Old Testament.

You might be Gnostic if you think that the Church in the NT is more "Spiritual" than the Church in the OT.

You might be Gnostic if you think that theonomists are heretics. (tongue in cheek)

You might be Gnostic if you think that there is no such thing as Biblical culture.

You might be Gnostic if you think that Water, Wine, and Bread are only effective as you think the right thoughts about them.

You might be Gnostic if you watch closely for the arrival of an Israelite Red Heifer.

You might be Gnostic if you have read more than one of the Left Behind series.

You might be Gnostic if you think spiritual weapons mean incorporeal weapons.

You might be Gnostic if you think communion isn't one of God's means of Grace whereby He nurtures His people with Grace. 

You might be Gnostic if you think that the essence of the Christian faith is only complete with the proper propositions.

You might be Gnostic if you think that inside of you are two men, named Mr. Spiritual and Mr. Carnal that are fighting for control. 

You might be Gnostic if you don't find this amusing.

(this isn't a systematic theology, btw)


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## turmeric (May 24, 2005)

That's _Ms._ Spiritual & _Ms._ Carnal to you!


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## RamistThomist (May 24, 2005)

> _Originally posted by turmeric_
> That's _Ms._ Spiritual & _Ms._ Carnal to you!


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## Larry Hughes (May 24, 2005)

Jacob,

That's funny. I know people I cannot share that with even jokingly.

l


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## Robin (May 25, 2005)

Jacob....you made me think of some more..

You might be Gnostic if: the Holy Spirit told you X Y Z

You might be Gnostic if: you think "experiencing God" is a good thing.

You might be Gnostic if: your Jesus is only loving -- your Jesus would never say anything judgmental

You might be Gnostic if: you think a creed is anti-biblical and a "catechism" is Roman Catholic

You might be Gnostic if: you are annoyed by Christians who are nit-picky about theology

You might be Gnostic if: you've been working for 40 days to discover your special God-given purpose in life

You might be Gnostic if: you're attending classes on "the Heresy of Calvinism"

You might be Gnostic if: you think Mormons worship the same Jesus - only in different ways

You might be Gnostic if: you're convinced that "the Matrix" and "Star Wars" have coherent dialog and story-lines and are examples of man's talents in the Fine Arts

You might be Gnostic if: you're in a Liturgical Dance team...

--- If you attend Bible studies where everyone gets a chance to explain what the verse means to them

--- you're concerned about your self-esteem

--- think you have an "inner child"

 we could go on, of course....

Robin



[Edited on 5-25-2005 by Robin]


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## BobVigneault (May 25, 2005)

I have to agree that you might be gnostic if you're sharing the 4 spiritual laws with someone.


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## Me Died Blue (May 25, 2005)

...if you think listening to secular music is "evil" and "of the flesh."


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## RamistThomist (May 25, 2005)

You might be a gnostic if you think alcohol and cigars are bad.


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## turmeric (May 25, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Draught Horse_
> You might be a gnostic if you think alcohol and cigars are bad.



Or you might just have phenomenally bad taste!


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## Solo Christo (May 25, 2005)

> _Originally posted by maxdetail_
> I have to agree that you might be gnostic if you're sharing the 4 spiritual laws with someone.


Please bear with my ignorance, but could you elaborate on the 4 spiritual laws? I'm in a reformed cave over here!


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## VirginiaHuguenot (May 25, 2005)

Four Spiritual Laws by Bill Bright of Campus Crusade for Christ

Blah!


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## Solo Christo (May 25, 2005)

Ok. Now I remember. They should change the name from the Four Spiritual Laws to the Four Spiritual Straws (hee hee).


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## anna (May 26, 2005)

Those were all great. It's good to see some intelligent humor for a change.


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## sastark (May 26, 2005)

Welcome to the board, anna!


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## Robin (May 26, 2005)

> _Originally posted by anna_
> Those were all great. It's good to see some intelligent humor for a change.



Welcome, too, Anna!

Robin


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## Robin (May 26, 2005)

You might be Gnostic if: you really think harp players come from heaven.



Robin


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## Solo Christo (May 26, 2005)

You might be aGnostic if you don't really believe there's enough information to truly know if there are harp players that could be in heaven, but you don't want to rule it out either. 

Get it...aGnostic. 

No? 

It wasn't?

Really?

Ok, I'll keep my day job.


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## LadyFlynt (May 26, 2005)

Welcome, Anna!!!


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## Poimen (May 26, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Draught Horse_
> You might be a gnostic if you think alcohol and cigars are bad.



This is the ONLY reason I am NOT a gnostic. Otherwise, spiritual world here I come!


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## kevin.carroll (May 26, 2005)

So, what you're saying is, you might be Gnostic if your an independent, fundamental, KJV only, soul-winning, separated, pre-millennial, pre-tribulationational, massive bus ministry having Baptist?


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## RamistThomist (May 26, 2005)

> _Originally posted by kevin.carroll_
> So, what you're saying is, you might be Gnostic if your an independent, fundamental, KJV only, soul-winning, separated, pre-millennial, pre-tribulationational, massive bus ministry having Baptist?



The secret's out!


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