# Is This a Wise Decision?



## natewood3 (May 12, 2007)

My wife and I will be moving to Louisville in August, and she will be doing a two semester internship at Norton Hospital as a Dietetics major. Once she finishes, she will become a Registered Dietitian. One of her friends she went to HS and college with, who is also doing the same thing, found out she will also be moving to Louisville to do her internship at Jewish Hospital. This was a somewhat unexpected turn, as she was not expecting to move outside of where she lives right now, which is with her parents. My wife has also never lived away from her family. When we got married, we moved as her parents next door neighbors, although they don't interfere with our lives, she is still close to her parents and talks to them daily. 

Once my wife finishes her internship, we plan to buy a house in Louisville instead of continuing to live in an apartment (seems wiser to spend money on a house payment rather than rent we will never see again). So my question is this: Would it be unwise for my wife's friend to live with us while they are doing their internship? It would save us both money; it would help both of them as they move away from their families for the first time. I don't think her friend is a believer, and I know she is not currently going to church. I don't think it is an accident that her friend is going to be moving to Louisville at the same time, especially when she didn't want to move and didn't expect to move. Hence, I see it as a great opportunity to get to know her, establish a relationship and point her to Christ. She is what my wife called a "moral" unbeliever. She doesn't get drunk or lie or steal, etc, etc. I assume she might think that will get her to heaven, but I don't know that. My question is simply would there be anything unbiblical about her living with us? I partly want to do it simply to help her out and I hope to be able to get her involved in church through it. At the same time, I think it would be helpful for my wife to have a close friend who she can ride to the hospital with everyday, walk back to the car with at night, etc. She is somewhat nervous about living in a big city in the first place and walking to her car by herself, etc. So I think it would be helpful for her as well to have somebody she knows with her.

Anything that would be wrong about having her live with us? We are obviously going to get a 3 bedroom, 2 bath if we did do this, but it would still be cheaper on us both. I honestly have no problem with her being there, and my wife does not either. Just to be blunt, I think don't her living there will affect my sex life, and I am not sure I see that as enough of a reason to tell her she cannot live with us. This was our idea for her to live with us, but I want to make sure there are things I am not seeing or something that would be inherently sinful or wrong about this.


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## ReformedWretch (May 13, 2007)

This is a tough situation.



> I don't think her friend is a believer, and I know she is not currently going to church.



While I know you continued on to say that you and your wife hope to lead her to Christ, this could still be very dangerous. You have to ask your self if you find this woman attractive at all, I mean even a little. My wife and I live with many young girls and have for 14 years so I can't be a hyprocrite and act as if you are weaker than I am. But I would be wrong to not tell you that this need much prayer and discussion before the final decision is made. Think about when you and your wife fight, what if this other woman is there for "comfort" or just to "talk" to. 

I get angry when someone implies that I have to be careful with females, especially since I've been around them for so long and never so much have had a fleeting temptation, but we must not be arrogant lest we fall.

Prayers are with you!


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## Barnpreacher (May 13, 2007)

I wouldn't recommend this at all brother. It's hard enough to live a life free from fornication without putting more undue pressure upon yourself. I'm not implying that you would seek anything of this manner, but the temptation would be there for any man.

I agree with Adam. This COULD be a dangerous situation. It may not be, but why risk the chance?

Perhaps she can get an apartment close by so she can still carpool with your wife.


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## natewood3 (May 14, 2007)

I understand your thoughts and advice. The implication seems to be that if my wife's friend was completely unattractive with no personality it would then become alright if she was to stay with us. I honestly have been around her twice, and this was in the past week, and we haven't hardly even said anything to each other except for hi and nice meeting you. Suppose she was to stay with us, I cannot think of a time when we would ever be in the house together when my wife was not there. They will have the same schedule, and I would be sure to not put myself in that kind of situation. I understand the temptation and the danger of the situation, but I am not sure where you draw the line between trying to be a witness with a female and it being a temptation you should flee? If this was one of my male friends, would it make the situation any different? 

I see the danger you are warning me of, but at the same time is it right to tell her to live by herself when she has no furniture, etc, and when it would be possible for her to stay with us, especially since her and my wife will be going to the same place everyday at the same time? In other words, I think I would feel guilty for telling her to live by herself when it would be possible for her to stay with us. It feels as if it is an unloving thing to do. I am sure my wife feels the same way. I don't think I would tell one of my friends to live by himself if it was possible for him to stay with us for 9 or 10 months, and I obviously would not let someone live with us who I thought might take advantage of my wife.

I am seeing the negative aspects of this, but at the same time I still feel like opening your home to someone who is going to need a place to live is a great opporunity for a witness. I understand she is a female, and there are some situations in which I would not and should not ever put myself, and I think I would be more careful and serious about that being that I would be trying to live my life in a way that would point her to Christ.

However, I do not want to act as if we can't witness to her if she didn't stay with us. I know that for sure. If she doesn't stay with us, that is completely fine with me. I just don't want to give the impression that we can't make a sacrifice in order to help her out. It seems as though THAT would be sinful, and maybe I am seeing it in the wrong way. That is why I posted this on here....


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## Chris (May 14, 2007)

Short version: 'run, forest, run!!!'.

Long version: what about when she wants to have her BF over for the night? ('moral' people have lust, too, y'know)

What about when your wife has a family emergency and you have a big test at 8 AM the next day, and you're there alone with her, the night after you and your wife have an argument and you're angry, the friend is feeling lonely, and so on? 

What about when you start compromising your own 'house rules' in order to make peace? 

You're responsible for the health of your household - emotional, sexual, spiritual, physical, whatever - and there are gazillions of things that could happen to open the door to compromise. 

Please remember, your wife and family are your first priorioty. Commit your friend's salvation to God, and work towards her conversion only within bounds that don't open the door for personal sin. God's big enough to save her without your compromise.


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## LadyFlynt (May 14, 2007)

Having been there and done that...I agree: "run, Forrest, run!"

Morality issues will creep in one way and another. We dealt with the sneaking the boyfriend in and out bit, the boyfriend having a key when he wasn't supposed to, to the "friend" hitting on my husband...husband was the one to tell me; I was the one to toss her out on her rear.

Even if it were just little things...those things than grate and cause tension in a home where both women are supposed to be studying and two people are married to eachother.

Reactions: Edifying 1


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## Tirian (May 14, 2007)

Nate,

Do you know believers who live in the area you will be moving to? If so, is it possible that you could find a single/widowed older lady who is strong in her walk with Christ to take in your wife's friend (ie. to rent her a room etc)? If it were reasonably close by your wife and friend could car pool, and you could have her over for meals when your wife will be there. The older Christian lady may find it easier to define the moral boundaries for this friend, without that needing to put tension in your & your wifes relationship with her.

When you prayerfully make your decision, you may decide this is something that you and your wife can manage. In doing so I urge you to also prayerfully consider your current & future witness and how this might look others. ie. Titus 2:8.

God be with you,

Matt


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