# Unmarried pastors?



## elnwood

I was curious; are there (m)any senior pastors in the PCA (or other confessional Presbyterian denominations) who have never been married? I was thinking about this in light of John Stott's life and ministry.


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## Filipe Luiz C. Machado

John Stott was anglican.


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## elnwood

Filipe Luiz C. Machado said:


> John Stott was anglican.



Yes, he was. But I'm asking about Presbyterians.


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## GulfCoast Presbyterian

I have not encountered any unmarried presbyterian pastors. However, I am limited to one church/presbytery.


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## he beholds

I've known of two men who were pastors in the RPCNA before they got married. So there at least have been unmarried pastors in that denom.


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## Bill The Baptist

Many protestant denominations will not call a pastor who is not married, at least not as a senior or teaching pastor. The reasoning behind this is that an unmarried pastor will become distracted by all the single females who will undoubtably be seeking his affections. I can understand their point, but considering Paul's exhortation that those who can remain single should remain single, I think that this policy is impossible to defend biblically.


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## Edward

I'd answer 'some, but not many' in the PCA. I can think of three that I've personally known over the years. To put it in perspective, I've known about the same number of Black and single pastors in the PCA, although I would think that the singles would constitute a larger universe.

Just though of a fourth who was single when he began his pastorate.


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## Skyler

Bill The Baptist said:


> Many protestant denominations will not call a pastor who is not married, at least not as a senior or teaching pastor. The reasoning behind this is that an unmarried pastor will become distracted by all the single females who will undoubtably be seeking his affections. I can understand their point, but considering Paul's exhortation that those who can remain single should remain single, I think that this policy is impossible to defend biblically.



I think a reasonable argument could be made from the requirement that an overseer be the husband of one wife. The experience that comes from leading one's household could be invaluable in leading a church.


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## Peairtach

My cousin was unmarried all his life and was in the Free Presbyterian CoS and the Associated Presbyterian Churches.

Professor John Murray was unmarried until his old age.

Neil Cameron, noted minister ot the FP Church in Glasgow, was a bachelor all his days.


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## Scott1

As in Mr. Stott's communion (Anglican), so biblical, reformed (PCA), it is very unusual.

Not as a matter of biblical command, but as practical necessity- the ability of the Pastor, Minister, Bishop to minister to those who are married, the norm standard, by the institution God created for the perpetuation of the human race. To set that ordinary exemplary standard before the life of the covenant community. 

That's not saying an unmarried person could not be, ever, only that like the gift of singleness- it is the exception, not the rule.


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## Marrow Man

The first marriage ceremony I officiated (back in 2005) was for another ARP pastor in the same town. But he was still in his 20s at the time, If I recall correctly. Of course, he is happily married now.


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## Reformed Thomist

Skyler said:


> Bill The Baptist said:
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> Many protestant denominations will not call a pastor who is not married, at least not as a senior or teaching pastor. The reasoning behind this is that an unmarried pastor will become distracted by all the single females who will undoubtably be seeking his affections. I can understand their point, but considering Paul's exhortation that those who can remain single should remain single, I think that this policy is impossible to defend biblically.
> 
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> I think a reasonable argument could be made from the requirement that an overseer be the husband of one wife. The experience that comes from leading one's household could be invaluable in leading a church.
Click to expand...


True. On the other hand, being single may enable one be more devoted to his ministry.


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## TimV

> The reasoning behind this is that an unmarried pastor will become distracted by all the single females who will undoubtably be seeking his affections.



No one cares about that  It's expected that a single man become distracted by single women. The reason experienced people normally are hesitant to call single pastors is that one of a pastor's most common duties is marriage counseling, and a lonely woman in a bad marriage and a lonely pastor in that situation usually mix like fire and gun powder. The usual goal is an experienced man with a wife who can supporting him during counseling. It's a rare breed, though, and so exceptions are made.


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## Bill The Baptist

Skyler said:


> Bill The Baptist said:
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> Many protestant denominations will not call a pastor who is not married, at least not as a senior or teaching pastor. The reasoning behind this is that an unmarried pastor will become distracted by all the single females who will undoubtably be seeking his affections. I can understand their point, but considering Paul's exhortation that those who can remain single should remain single, I think that this policy is impossible to defend biblically.[/QUOTE
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> I think a reasonable argument could be made from the requirement that an overseer be the husband of one wife. The experience that comes from leading one's household could be invaluable in leading a church.
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> I agree that experience running a household is important and a good test of the ability of an elder, but I think that Paul's requirement regarding being the husband of one wife has more to do with polygamy than with whether one is single or not. I think that there are a lot of great reasons to prefer a married pastor, but I don't think there is a good biblical case for completely excluding a single man who is otherwise qualified.
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> ---------- Post added at 08:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:58 PM ----------
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> TimV said:
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> The reasoning behind this is that an unmarried pastor will become distracted by all the single females who will undoubtably be seeking his affections.
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> Click to expand...
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> No one cares about that  It's expected that a single man become distracted by single women. The reason experienced people normally are hesitant to call single pastors is that one of a pastor's most common duties is marriage counseling, and a lonely woman in a bad marriage and a lonely pastor in that situation usually mix like fire and gun powder. The usual goal is an experienced man with a wife who can supporting him during counseling. It's a rare breed, though, and so exceptions are made.
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> Click to expand...
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> That is a good point, and in fact we could probably come up with hundreds of reasons why a single pastor could run into trouble. Despite this, I still think that we cannot make a solid biblical case for completely excluding all single men from the pastorate. Otherwise we become a church that would deny the Apostle Paul a pastorate were he alive today.
Click to expand...


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## Skyler

Reformed Thomist said:


> On the other hand, being single may enable one be more devoted to his ministry.



Perhaps--but still, I think, less effective than one with the support of a caring, praying wife, as a general rule.


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## Philip

Bill The Baptist said:


> Despite this, I still think that we cannot make a solid biblical case for completely excluding all single men from the pastorate.



Personally, I don't think we can make any case at all, given that Paul was single.


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## GulfCoast Presbyterian

Spurgeon was single when he started his ministry.


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## Mushroom

Uh... what about this?:


> 1Co 7:7-9 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. (8) To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. (9) But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.


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## steadfast7

In an Asian context, Stott would not have been given a Senior Pastorate. sad.


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## Grimmson

P. F. Pugh said:


> Bill The Baptist said:
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> Despite this, I still think that we cannot make a solid biblical case for completely excluding all single men from the pastorate.
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> Personally, I don't think we can make any case at all, given that Paul was single.
Click to expand...


And possibly Timothy as well, in which who Paul was writing to.

Matt. 19:12 I think should be addressed with this conversation as well.


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## elnwood

Scott1 said:


> Not as a matter of biblical command, but as practical necessity- the ability of the Pastor, Minister, Bishop to minister to those who are married, the norm standard, by the institution God created for the perpetuation of the human race. To set that ordinary exemplary standard before the life of the covenant community.


 
This alludes to what I was thinking -- that the emphasis on family and children in Presbyterian theology would make an unmarried senior pastor seem out of place.



TimV said:


> The reason experienced people normally are hesitant to call single pastors is that one of a pastor's most common duties is marriage counseling, and a lonely woman in a bad marriage and a lonely pastor in that situation usually mix like fire and gun powder. The usual goal is an experienced man with a wife who can supporting him during counseling. It's a rare breed, though, and so exceptions are made.


 
A pastor counseling a woman alone is like mixing fire and gun powder whether the pastor is unmarried or married.

Now, I only know what Presbyterianism looks like on paper, not in practice, but I would think that having ruling elders would allow an unmarried teaching elder to focus on ministry of the word and allow the older, more experienced ruling elders to do marriage and family counseling.


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## reaganmarsh

Don, 

Just curious (I hope this doesn't sound critical; it's not intended as such!) -- how would you differentiate the ministry of the word from marriage & family counseling? One is public teaching/proclamation/application; the other, private. 

Just wondered if there's a distinction there that I'm overlooking... As a fellow Baptist, I agree that it sounds nice to have the RE's handle that stuff and let the TE focus on preaching prep!


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## elnwood

reaganmarsh said:


> Just curious (I hope this doesn't sound critical; it's not intended as such!) -- how would you differentiate the ministry of the word from marriage & family counseling? *One is public teaching/proclamation/application; the other, private.*



In this particular case ... exactly the same way you differentiated it!


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## SolaScriptura

elnwood said:


> having ruling elders would allow an unmarried teaching elder to focus on ministry of the word and allow the older, more experienced ruling elders to do marriage and family counseling.



I like that idea! In fact, let's just have the REs do ALL the counseling all the time - in fact we could have them take over all that "people business" that interfers with studying the Word -and let's dig a tunnel from the pastor's study to the pulpit so that the pastor can sit in his study all week and then just "appear" in the pulpit to deliver the sermon and then, when finished, he could "disappear" and go back to his study for another week.


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## Philip

SolaScriptura said:


> elnwood said:
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> having ruling elders would allow an unmarried teaching elder to focus on ministry of the word and allow the older, more experienced ruling elders to do marriage and family counseling.
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> I like that idea! In fact, let's just have the REs do ALL the counseling all the time - in fact we could have them take over all that "people business" that interfers with studying the Word -and let's dig a tunnel from the pastor's study to the pulpit so that the pastor can sit in his study all week and then just "appear" in the pulpit to deliver the sermon and then, when finished, he could "disappear" and go back to his study for another week.
Click to expand...


I think that in the situation where you have a senior pastor who is unmarried, if at all possible you should have at least one married assistant pastor to counsel in situations where a single pastor would run into trouble.


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## elnwood

SolaScriptura said:


> elnwood said:
> 
> 
> 
> having ruling elders would allow an unmarried teaching elder to focus on ministry of the word and allow the older, more experienced ruling elders to do marriage and family counseling.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I like that idea! In fact, let's just have the REs do ALL the counseling all the time - in fact we could have them take over all that "people business" that interfers with studying the Word -and let's dig a tunnel from the pastor's study to the pulpit so that the pastor can sit in his study all week and then just "appear" in the pulpit to deliver the sermon and then, when finished, he could "disappear" and go back to his study for another week.
Click to expand...


Ummm, yeah, not what I was saying at all. I usually appreciate sarcasm, but this is sadly true in a lot of cases.


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## Rufus

elnwood said:


> A pastor counseling a woman alone is like mixing fire and gun powder whether the pastor is unmarried or married.



Agreed. No man should be left alone with a woman that isn't his wife, sister, cousin, or grandma.


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## Pilgrim

I know of a 40 something single pastor in the OPC, or at least he is still single as far as I know. 

Robert Murray M'Cheyne is another worthy from the past who never married. J. Gresham Machen is another one. 

With regard to "Ruling Elders," if more of them did any kind of counseling at all (especially competent counseling) it would be a great improvement. In many churches, whether Presbyterian, Baptist or Independent, too often the "Elder Board" acts as little more than a board of directors and too often includes men who are not apt to teach, contrary to what Scripture dictates.

The above posts noting that a pastor should not counsel a woman alone are quite true. Many a married pastor has fallen into that trap as well. 

That being said, I have long suspected that the antipathy toward unmarried men in the pastorate, especially the idea that he can't "relate" is often due to an unstated assumption on the part of the critics that the Scripture is not a sufficient guide in giving counsel and advice. That married men may be better able to relate, there is no doubt. But I can't escape the sense that, at least in my experience, many of the strongest critics of the idea of unmarried men in the pastorate are among the least spiritually minded. In fact, I have known of some of these critics who have turned right around a few years later and crossed the Tiber! 

(I put "Ruling Elders" in quotes b/c I'm not quite convinced by scripture that there should be a hard and fast line b/w TE and RE. But that's for another thread and another time.  )


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## Reformed Thomist

You don't have to be crazy to be a psychiatrist. Though it helps.


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## Andres

Rufus said:


> elnwood said:
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> A pastor counseling a woman alone is like mixing fire and gun powder whether the pastor is unmarried or married.
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> Agreed. No man should be left alone with a woman that isn't his wife, sister, cousin, or grandma.
Click to expand...


What about his mom?


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## TimV

Exactly Andrew. Guess I'll stop babysitting my granddaughter  All women are lust demons after all.


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## Rufus

Andres said:


> Rufus said:
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> elnwood said:
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> A pastor counseling a woman alone is like mixing fire and gun powder whether the pastor is unmarried or married.
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> Agreed. No man should be left alone with a woman that isn't his wife, sister, cousin, or grandma.
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> Click to expand...
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> What about his mom?
Click to expand...


Oops! I forgot about mom, I love my mom.



> Exactly Andrew. Guess I'll stop babysitting my granddaughter  All women are lust demons after all.



Okay granddaughters and nieces and all of those sorts too.


I don't mean it as certain people you can, certain people you can't, but rather that certain people you shouldn't (at least for longer than a few minutes).


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## TimV

A few minutes? Or you'll get jumped  I'm always reminded in these threads to be thankful I'm not as handsome as (evidently) most men, since when I've dropped off something for a friend who's not there and his wife invites me to stay for lunch I've never been jumped. The only awkwardness I've ever had was with Christian women in bad marriages, so I don't spend alone time with them.

The woman who's teaching me quickbooks comes over for 1.5 hours at a time, and my work station is in my bedroom. She's roughly my age and nice looking, single, etc... should I hire someone to sit in with us?????  'cause so far keeping things friendly and professional seems to be working fine. I mean she hasn't tried to sit in my lap yet


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## Andres

TimV said:


> A few minutes? Or you'll get jumped  I'm always reminded in these threads to be thankful I'm not as handsome as (evidently) most men, since when I've dropped off something for a friend who's not there and his wife invites me to stay for lunch I've never been jumped. The only awkwardness I've ever had was with Christian women in bad marriages, so I don't spend alone time with them.
> 
> The woman who's teaching me quickbooks comes over for 1.5 hours at a time, and my work station is in my bedroom. She's roughly my age and nice looking, single, etc... should I hire someone to sit in with us?????  'cause so far keeping things friendly and professional seems to be working fine. I mean she hasn't tried to sit in my lap yet



Tim, I understand exactly where you're coming from, but sometimes the issue of being alone with another woman isn't just the issue of temptation, but the issues of appearance and protection. It's unfortunate that we would have to guard against the views of others, but many times for some men it's easier to completely leave no place for people to talk. Second, the issue of proctection is protection against yourself. What if your friend accused you of something when you two were alone in your room? If it's just you two alone then it's her word against yours.


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## TimV

Your point is good, Andres, but I'm not talking about a friend. Anyone with a business runs into the same situation. The woman advertised as professional services. The pretty Dutch lady who owns the wholesale nursery I buy from is the same, and I treat her the same as my male vendors. It's been ten years of doing that with her, and all the other male contractors do it too. Business is all about relationships, and although the conversation is naturally a bit different with women after my order I hang with her alone in her office and do small talk or 5 or 10 minutes, just like with the guy who sells me irrigation pipe.

Yes, you have to be careful, but you can't be a slave to fear. I know you're not saying that!


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## Alan D. Strange

Dear Don:

I think that you've seen from the replies here that the answer to your question is "yes." There are men in our various NAPARC churches who are unmarried and serve as pastors. I can immediately call to mind several and they are all able shepherds. 

Why are there not more? Two reasons, I think, also reflected on this thread: first, the gift of singleness is the exception rather than the rule so that you will always have fewer single men in the ministry. And then, secondly, there is the "bad reason," which is that some churches would never think of calling a single pastor. This is, of course, without any biblical basis, since marriage is not a biblical requirement to serve in any church office. Are there liabilities to an unmarried man? Yes, just as there are to a married man. Each can bring to the ministry something that the other cannot bring and thus there is room for, and there ought to be, both in the broader church. 

And in the interest of full disclosure, it was a year after I was called that I married (I was 27 when married). 

Peace,
Alan


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