# Heretic Dishes



## Knoxienne

Can anyone think of any?

Not heretic recipes, but heretic dishes would probably be a better title. Can't edit it.


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## PresbyDane




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## Marrow Man

Mod warning: Just be careful who you call a heretic!


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## OPC'n

All church heretics boiled in oil for 30min!


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## Rich Koster

John Hagee briskets:

Start roasting 2 identical briskets on the grill. Remove one for medium done. Leave the other one on for 7 more minutes and shake the grill violently until done.


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## Knoxienne

Marrow Man said:


> Mod warning: Just be careful who you call a heretic!



I was thinking along the lines of Word of Faith guys - real obvious folks. Yes, caution is indeed necessary.

-----Added 4/18/2009 at 08:12:19 EST-----

Joyce-car Meyer Wiener Appetizers
Marilyn Hickeyberry Pie


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## PresbyDane

Yeah we need to only burn the obvious ones, not the ones that for example disguies themselves with sunglasses or wigs  

j/k please do not burn me


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## Berean




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## Theognome

Campbellite soup. Mmmm, Mmmm, Good!

Theognome


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## Marrow Man

Nestorian Cream Pie:

Take pie shell and fill with chocolate filling. Take second pie shell and fill with cream topping. Keep two shells apart. Enjoy.


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## Rich Koster

Finney roast chicken:

A succulent ,tender, moist, well seasoned..... oh can't you just taste it people.....when the little button pops, I want you all to run up front and grab a piece.


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## Marrow Man

Re4mdant said:


> Yeah we need to only burn the obvious ones, not the ones that for example disguies themselves with sunglasses or wigs
> 
> j/k please do not burn me





Apparently you're not familiar with Roasted Martin Marshmallows.


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## PresbyDane

Yeah I was affraid that old recipe might come up


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## Marrow Man

Baked Chicken with Eutychian glaze

Bake boneless chicken for 20 minutes while thoroughly warming glaze. When chicken is done, remove from oven. Careful taken chicken and place in glaze until completely engulfed. Eat only glaze. Enjoy.


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## Theognome

Rodney Howard Browned Chicken-

Withe the feathers still on, take a whole chicken, slay it by making it fall backwards into red-hot hellfire. Roast until very dark.

Theognome


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## Marrow Man

Knoxienne said:


> Marrow Man said:
> 
> 
> 
> Mod warning: Just be careful who you call a heretic!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I was thinking along the lines of Word of Faith guys - real obvious folks. Yes, caution is indeed necessary.
Click to expand...


I just want to make sure no one comes up with Norman Shepherd Pie.


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## Beth Ellen Nagle

Pentecostal Twice Fried Burgers.


Fry burgers then deep fry them to make sure they are filled with grease.


(ok, that wasn't funy)


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## Rich Koster

C Peter Wagner dinosaur burgers:

First you need to find a dinosaur. You say they are extinct with the closing of canon? Well, I'm one and I tell you there are more just like me. Unless you get under our authority, you will never make another burger. Ask Chuck Pierce.....he will clue you in on our secret recipe.


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## Theognome

Tetzelstrudel-

This indulgent dish is easy to make. Take one Tetzel, add three cups of St. Peters, mix with two tablespoons coffee (from the coffers). Bake at 4,000 degrees or until released from purgatory.

Theognome


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## Marrow Man

Kenneth Hagin-Daas Ice Cream

Get a worm. Just a mealy little worm. Burn it in fire for three days. Retrieve it. Claim that it is delicious ice cream and eat it.


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## Theognome

Shake and TD Jake chicken-

Put one chicken quarter into a bag filled with one spice only- You can't have Trinitarian spices. Make sure it's baked by a woman, too.

Theognome


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## Marrow Man

Marcionite Fried Chicken

Take a whole chicken and fry it. Throw away the parts you don't like. Eat drumstick and enjoy.


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## Rich Koster

Jiffy Pope popcorn:

Take all professing ears of popping corn you can find. Tie them to a stake. Unless they recant, burn them till crisp and season with salt and butter.


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## Theognome

Brussels Sprouts Au Aquinas

Rinse two pounds of Brussels Sprouts (no one likes them anyway), and put in a pot of boiling water. In another pot, boil two pounds of imaginary Roma Tomatoes and bow to them. Combine Roman mythology with disgusting Catholic sprouts. Sprinkle with Dante.

Theognome


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## Rich Koster

Joel Osteen Buffalo Wings:

Take 5 pounds of chicken wings. Fry them until just done. Then mix two drops of tabasco sauce with 1 pound of melted butter. We just want to butter them up folks, leave that hell fire sauce for someone else's recipe.


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## Theognome

Peter Popoffovers

Mix flour and water and put in popover tin. Then, turn your back and wait for a cuecard to tell you that they've been baked. If no cue card is available, get an earpiece pick-up with someone in the kitchen on the other end telling you what happened.

Theongome


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## Marrow Man

Mary Baker Eddy Chocolate Cake

That's not really chocolate cake; it's just an illusion. Here, read the cookbook and you'll see.


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## Theognome

Charles Taze Russell Stover Candies

Devilishly sweet, these are actually a lot of work to put together. Your local representatives will be at your home shortly to show you the way.

Theognome


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## Rich Koster

Joseph Smith imitation vanilla pound cake:

1 pound of sifted flour (let gulls pick out any bugs)
2 pinches of Nephi brand baking powder
1 pound of home churned butter
1 pound of Moroni sugar
1 tsp of Salt Lake City brand imitation vanilla extract

Bake at 451deg until someone believes it is really pound cake.

Your mothers in law will love the recipe!!!


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## CalvinandHodges

Hi:

Flaming Servetus 

-Rob


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## Theognome

Creflo Dollar Pancakes

Mix the finest, most expensive flour with imported spring water. Fry on titanium pans. Expect wealth to come through this recipe.

theognome


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## DMcFadden

*Fuller Seminary Blue Plate Special*

Carefully prepare and attractively present he following complete entre items and accompaniments (note: give due attention to gender distribution of chefs, cooks, and all waitstaff with a view to collaboration, non-hierarchical self-governing teams, and avoiding gender stereotyping of roles remembering that we are all called to a ministry of diakonia):

*Arminian antipasto* (be careful since some of them have a habit of slipping away through the fingers "holding" them)
*Baptist BBQ* (completely immersed in lively non-alcoholic sauce)
*Calvinian cheese* (specially pre-selected and persevering)
*Emergent vegetarian escargot in beer broth* (Seems like a contradiction doesn't it? Oh well, learn to live with the cognitive dissonance hang over from your modernist rationalism. If you don't like the item, just drink the beer)
*Methodist mushrooms* (raised in the dark on an interesting diet of impurities)
*Pentecostal holy bird soup *(to be consumed feathers and all)
*Presbyterian potroast* (sprinkle only a dash of spices, cook moderately, and serve decently and in order)
*Roman rutabaga* (nobody really likes these, but the seminary president insists on having some on the menu for reasons of diversity and inclusiveness especially when inviting the Los Angeles cardinal to speak in chapel)
*Seeker seafood surprise* (the surprise is that it is really cotton candy and marshmallows shaped like seafood but intended to satisfy the lowest common denominator of taste -- sickly sweet and insubstantial with no sour, bitter, or salty).

Now place an absolutely equal portion of all menu items in a blender, stir vigorously until homogenized, and serve in a bowl. If asked what it is, just repeat after me . . . "on the one hand, but on the other hand," "we can't really judge what someone finds sustaining to them," "I don't know, what do you think it looks like?", "I can assure you that it is an absolutely eco-just, egalitarian, socially conscious, green, collection of the very best of our richly diverse community of ingredients . . . "


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## Classical Presbyterian

Mainline Cream Puffs: They look substantial and pleasing from the bakery window, but take a bite into them and you get more air than substance.


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## Rich Koster

Cindy Jacobs cupcakes:

*Release that frosting* bring that cupcake back up here *Release that frosting* I declare this is the year of chocolate frosting!!!!


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## DMcFadden

Bart Ehrman's Perfectly Rich Chocolate Cake

Dr. Ehrman contends that the scholarly cooking community recognizes the problems of authenticity in some of the traditional offerings baked and served up to the unsuspecting public as nourishing and delicious food. He has produced a series of books unmasking this conspiracy to hide the truth from the people and to offer them baked items without hypocrisy and phony claims. What follows is an example of Dr. Ehrman's "Perfectly Rich Chocolate Cake." 

Ingredients: 
•2 cups sugar
•1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
•3/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa
•1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
•1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
•1 teaspoon salt
•2 eggs
•1 cup milk
•1/2 cup vegetable oil
•2 teaspoons vanilla extract
•1 cup boiling water
•Ehrman's "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING(recipe follows)

Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans. 

2. Remove the sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, and milk since we do not know if they are authentic or not. Different recipe's record various combinations of them in differing amounts. We cannot be sure if the recipe comes from Dr. Ehrman or is the result of a later recension, scribal interpolations, etc. Taking seriously the maxim, _lectio brevior lectio potior_, we should assume that the original Alexandrian recipe did not have the Byzantine items of sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, and milk which are probably later additions to the recipe. Stir together the remaining ingredients in large bowl. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans. 

3. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost with Ehrman's "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING. 10 to 12 servings.


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## PresbyDane

Nice


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## Davidius

DMcFadden said:


> Bart Ehrman's Perfectly Rich Chocolate Cake
> 
> Dr. Ehrman contends that the scholarly cooking community recognizes the problems of authenticity in some of the traditional offerings baked and served up to the unsuspecting public as nourishing and delicious food. He has produced a series of books unmasking this conspiracy to hide the truth from the people and to offer them baked items without hypocrisy and phony claims. What follows is an example of Dr. Ehrman's "Perfectly Rich Chocolate Cake."
> 
> Ingredients:
> •2 cups sugar
> •1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
> •3/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa
> •1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
> •1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
> •1 teaspoon salt
> •2 eggs
> •1 cup milk
> •1/2 cup vegetable oil
> •2 teaspoons vanilla extract
> •1 cup boiling water
> •Ehrman's "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING(recipe follows)
> 
> Directions:
> 1. Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans.
> 
> 2. Remove the sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, and milk since we do not know if they are authentic or not. Different recipe's record various combinations of them in differing amounts. We cannot be sure if the recipe comes from Dr. Ehrman or is the result of a later recension, scribal interpolations, etc. Taking seriously the maxim, lectio brevior lectio potior, we should assume that the original Alexandrian recipe did not have the Byzantine items of sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, and milk which are probably later additions to the recipe. Stir together the remaining ingredients in large bowl. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans.
> 
> 3. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost with Ehrman's "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING. 10 to 12 servings.



I saw Professor Ehrman leaving the dining hall the other day...wonder if he had one of these for dessert...


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## Berean

I won't even ask what we should use for an oven for these recipes.


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## Rich Koster

Paul Crouch baked potatoes:

Put one big Idaho potato into *my* oven. Heat *your* oven to 400 deg for 1 hour. Open oven and you will have 40, 60 even 100 potatoes to serve your guests.

-----Added 4/18/2009 at 10:06:32 EST-----



Theognome said:


> Rodney Howard Browned Chicken-
> 
> Withe the feathers still on, take a whole chicken, slay it by making it fall backwards into red-hot hellfire. Roast until very dark.
> 
> Theognome



Don't we want to belly up to the bar for something to wash that down with


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## Blue Tick

Home baked Mormon Apple Pie

JW Steak House

Marcion Mac and Cheese

Pelagian Puttenesca

Free Will Tater Tots

Joseph Smith Biscuit Company

Brigham Young Chicken 

Joel Osteen Family Picnic Lunchables

T.D Jakes T.V. Dinners

Angel Moroni Angel Food Cake

Anton Levey Devils Food Cake

Gnostic Goulash

Ex cathedra Cassorole

Arian Apple Sauce

Docetism Dim Sum

Antinomianism Anti Pasta


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## Marrow Man

Rich Koster said:


> Don't we want to belly up to the bar for something to wash that down with



Sounds like you need a jug of Cane Ridge Corn Liquor to wash that down. I hear it's so good it'll make you bark like a dog!


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## Rich Koster

Marrow Man said:


> Rich Koster said:
> 
> 
> 
> Don't we want to belly up to the bar for something to wash that down with
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds like you need a jug of Cane Ridge Corn Liquor to wash that down. I hear it's so good it'll make you bark like a dog!
Click to expand...


I see you are a friend!!! You didn't offer me Jonestown Kool Aid


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## Marrow Man

Rich Koster said:


> Marrow Man said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Rich Koster said:
> 
> 
> 
> Don't we want to belly up to the bar for something to wash that down with
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds like you need a jug of Cane Ridge Corn Liquor to wash that down. I hear it's so good it'll make you bark like a dog!
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I see you are a friend!!! You didn't offer me Jonestown Kool Aid
Click to expand...


Nice one!


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## Rich Koster

Todd Bentley Chicken:

Take a whole chicken and kick it in the breast to tenderize.
Season with Mistress's Secret season salt.
Roast at 350 deg for 2 hours.
Cut into quarters.
*Bam!!!* Throw a piece on your buddies plate.
*Bam!!! Bam!!! Bam!!! Bam!!!* Serves four.
Are you ready for the good stuff?

Branham Fried Rice:

Cook some rice and put it into a wok owned by an Eastern mystic. Add whatever ingredients the angel tells you to. It will dazzle untrained palates and leave them wanting more.

Saddleback Sausage:

Take whatever spice you like and whatever meat you like. Mix it all up, grind it all up, squeeze it all in and,cook it all up. Guaranteed to attract a crowd of people who will eat whatever you feed them.


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## DonP

Harold Camping He's Coming Fake Family Cake 

Scofield Division Rapture Delight

And of course the Dispensational Diet from Dallas Theol Seminary The :
Walvoord, Chafer, Ryrie, Hendrikcs, Hodges, Wilkinson, Chuck Swindol you out of your spirituality fundamental Diet


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## Marrow Man

I knew I should have bought that Gwen Shamblin _Weigh Down Diet_ Cookbook!!!


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## OPC'n

Well, I think we have enough dishes to choke a horse!


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## DonP

Did anyone mention the Billy Come Forward Sundae? - Repeat as often as you feel necessary

or the 

Billy Graham Cracker Crust - Low cal, no filling


Am I getting to close to home?


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## Marrow Man

Careful, Don -- the dieters might come after you for those last two!


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## DonP

Sarah is that you and another sis or niece?

Don't you two have any Rev Ike Spike tea - you get to keep the gold cup, if you send in a donation only.


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## Marrow Man

Rev. Ike tea -- now that's a sweet drink even a non-heretic can like!


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## DonP

Marrow Man said:


> Careful, Don -- the dieters might come after you for those last two!



Its ok they don't have enough substance to take me down? And they will have to look through all of the dispensations to find me. 
I will be *in *Israel and they will never look for a Christian there so I am safe.


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## Marrow Man

Ouch! I think I burned my tongue on that last hot dish!


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## OPC'n

PeaceMaker said:


> Sarah is that you and another sis or niece?
> 
> Don't you two have any Rev Ike Spike tea - you get to keep the gold cup, if you send in a donation only.



That's my sister and me...I"m on the left and I'm MUCH younger!


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## DonP

Well I could go to Clown Cake 
or Kline Historical Suzerain Treats

if we don't draw real clear lines...?? 

Antinomian Lawless lifestyle Linguine 

Arminian Limitless cookbook - they use the 

Resistible, Free will add whatever you want, whenever you want recipes

Partialy Depraved Chocolate Cake

and other Lose Your Soul Sinful Desserts


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## Rich Koster

PeaceMaker said:


> Did anyone mention the Billy Come Forward Sundae? - Repeat as often as you feel necessary
> 
> or the
> 
> Billy Graham Cracker Crust - Low cal, no filling
> 
> 
> Am I getting to close to home?



That's dessert for after the Finney roast chicken.


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## DonP

sjonee said:


> PeaceMaker said:
> 
> 
> 
> Sarah is that you and another sis or niece?
> 
> That's my sister and me...I"m on the left and I'm MUCH younger!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ohhhhh you mean the much more beautiful one
> 
> I see you haven't had your
> 
> Homiletic Humble Pie today
Click to expand...


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## Marrow Man

PeaceMaker said:


> sjonee said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> PeaceMaker said:
> 
> 
> 
> Sarah is that you and another sis or niece?
> 
> That's my sister and me...I"m on the left and I'm MUCH younger!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ohhhhh you mean the much more beautiful one
> 
> I see you haven't had your
> 
> Homiletic Humble Pie today
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> See, Don, this is what happens when you offer the Rev. Ike Spiked Tea. People start sipping it!
Click to expand...


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## Whitefield

Am I the only one who finds this a bit strange?


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## DonP

Whitefield said:


> Am I the only one who finds this a bit strange?



You must not have had enough of the Ike Spike tea yet

I was wondering if I needed to repent

naaaw I will to just wash up a bit in the Arminian No Law fon due fountain.


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## OPC'n

PeaceMaker said:


> sjonee said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> PeaceMaker said:
> 
> 
> 
> Sarah is that you and another sis or niece?
> 
> That's my sister and me...I"m on the left and I'm MUCH younger!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ohhhhh you mean the much more beautiful one
> 
> I see you haven't had your
> 
> Homiletic Humble Pie today
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> No, no! I said younger not more beautiful she is beautiful. She just forgot to put on make-up and actually fix her hair which she often does so when am I suppose to get a pic of her? Well, when I want to so she lives with the consequences. Actually, both my sisters are very good looking especially my eldest who is the best looker of the three of us!
Click to expand...


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## Whitefield

PeaceMaker said:


> Whitefield said:
> 
> 
> 
> Am I the only one who finds this a bit strange?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You must not have had enough of the Ike Spike tea yet
> 
> I was wondering if I needed to repent
> 
> naaaw I will to just wash up a bit in the Arminian No Law fon due fountain.
Click to expand...


odd


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## OPC'n

Whitefield said:


> PeaceMaker said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Whitefield said:
> 
> 
> 
> Am I the only one who finds this a bit strange?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You must not have had enough of the Ike Spike tea yet
> 
> I was wondering if I needed to repent
> 
> naaaw I will to just wash up a bit in the Arminian No Law fon due fountain.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> odd
Click to expand...


just get off  when you don't like the conversation....that's what I do!


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## Whitefield

"X is true" gets shut down, but this doesn't? Maybe "Y is true," then. How's that for off topic?


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## OPC'n

No, Q it true.


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## DonP

Whitefield said:


> PeaceMaker said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Whitefield said:
> 
> 
> 
> Am I the only one who finds this a bit strange?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You must not have had enough of the Ike Spike tea yet
> 
> I was wondering if I needed to repent
> 
> naaaw I will to just wash up a bit in the Arminian No Law fon due fountain.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> odd
Click to expand...


Well according to the "what time of day does the sabbath start" thread, I have another hour before I need to prepare for the sabbath and I will stop this recreation since even though dusk has come now, next months it will still be light at this time. I go by the dawn to dusk summer time. 

I think we are all a bit heretical and we need to seek the word and study humbly, and meekly before God to be taught of Him and guided into truth by His Spirit. 
If not for Him I would still be holding to allot of these errors.


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## Whitefield

sjonee said:


> No, Q it true.



You win. Q is true .. but is it provable?

-----Added 4/18/2009 at 11:51:39 EST-----



PeaceMaker said:


> Well according to the what time of day does the sabbath start thread, I have another hour before I need to prepare for the sabbath and I will stop this recreation since even though dusk has come now, next months it will still be light at this time. I go by the dawn to dusk summer time.



The carriage turns back into a pumpkin?


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## kvanlaan

> Hi:
> 
> Flaming Servetus
> 
> -Rob



Yes, but you left out the prep work.

1. Take one hog.

2. Teach hog about the slaughterhouse and what is done there as a normal practise, until hog acknowledges understanding of slaughterhouse concept and presence there as a danger to his health.

3. Await hog in slaughterhouse.

4. When hog arrives, prepare for BBQ and roast over a slow fire.

5. Listen to PETA activists complain about injustice of slaughterhouses.


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## Marrow Man

Whitefield said:


> Am I the only one who finds this a bit strange?



Actually, this has been quite the informative and educational thread. Where else have you seen the differences between Nestorianism and Eutychianism explained as food recipes?!? Where was this in seminary?


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## kvanlaan

Four minutes left to Lord's Day...


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## DonP

Whitefield said:


> sjonee said:
> 
> 
> 
> No, Q it true.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You win. Q is true .. but is it provable?
> 
> -----Added 4/18/2009 at 11:51:39 EST-----
Click to expand...


Don't need to prove it, I will accept it by implicit faith if you tell me to never doubt it.


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## TheocraticMonarchist

Rich Koster said:


> Todd Bentley Chicken:
> 
> Take a whole chicken and kick it in the breast to tenderize.
> Season with Mistress's Secret season salt.
> Roast at 350 deg for 2 hours.
> Cut into quarters.
> *Bam!!!* Throw a piece on your buddies plate.
> *Bam!!! Bam!!! Bam!!! Bam!!!* Serves four.
> Are you ready for the good stuff?
> 
> Branham Fried Rice:
> 
> Cook some rice and put it into a wok owned by an Eastern mystic. Add whatever ingredients the angel tells you to. It will dazzle untrained palates and leave them wanting more.
> 
> Saddleback Sausage:
> 
> Take whatever spice you like and whatever meat you like. Mix it all up, grind it all up, squeeze it all in and,cook it all up. Guaranteed to attract a crowd of people who will eat whatever you feed them.



If the Brahnam you speak of is William Branham he's from my county. I've actually been to a service at his old church... it was absolutely terrible.


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## DonP

Have none of you seen Benny Him Miracle Pie in the Sky?


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## OPC'n

Whitefield said:


> sjonee said:
> 
> 
> 
> No, Q it true.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You win. Q is true .. but is it provable?
Click to expand...


Yes


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## DonP

what is your sis laughing at in the pic?


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## OPC'n

She isn't laughing she doesn't like her mouth so she hid it....


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## DonP

women ?? Sorry I said anything. I liked the pic, was just trying to be nice.


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## OPC'n

PeaceMaker said:


> women ?? Sorry I said anything. I liked the pic, was just trying to be nice.



Dude, that's ok....I just like change a lot!


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## DonP

sjonee said:


> PeaceMaker said:
> 
> 
> 
> women ?? Sorry I said anything. I liked the pic, was just trying to be nice.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dude, that's ok....I just like change a lot!
Click to expand...


Dudette, thanks, so change it again, that one looks dispensational, all fractured up ya know.


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## Rich Koster

I had to sum this whole thread up 

The Kenneth Copeland Cookbook

The commentary in the front cover would read like this:

When I hear someone say I am a great chef, I just smile and say so am I.


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## Joseph Scibbe

Let me contact some of my friends in Geneva for the directions for Roast Servetus. It is best cooked meduim well.


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