# Books for a to-be father?



## user98Luke (Jul 26, 2021)

Hello all,

My lovely wife and I are expecting our first child at the beginning of next year. As an avid reader, I am ready to devour any resources for expectant fathers. I am wondering if there are any good reformed books or articles directed towards first-time fathers?

Thanks,
Luke

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## Taylor (Jul 26, 2021)

See attached for _Parental Responsibilities_ by R. L. Dabney.

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## Ethan (Jul 26, 2021)

We’re having our first child in November. So far I’ve purchased Matthew Henry’s Family Religion but haven’t dug into it at this point. I’d love to hear from everyone as well!

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## Pergamum (Jul 26, 2021)

The solution on many Reformed discussion groups is always books, books, more books. Mostly by old dead guys.

But I would suggest you get out there and talk to real living fathers who have done it well and see them in action and examine what they do. The culture of 2021 America is different than Geneva in the 1500-1600s, after all. Go on a trip to the park with a good father from your church and talk to him.

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## Frosty (Jul 26, 2021)

_Duties of Parents _by JC Ryle

It's very short, but in my mind the perfect baseline for a soon-to-be dad.

The whole thing is available here:





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The Duties of Parents by J. C. Ryle






www.monergism.com

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## jw (Jul 26, 2021)

Same title as Ryle but different author. Cannot recommend it enough:

Duties of Parents by Jacobus Koelman






The Duties of Parents (Classics of Reformed Spirituality): Jacobus Koelman, M. Eugene Osterhaven, John Vriend (Translator): 9781601780607: Amazon.com: Books


The Duties of Parents (Classics of Reformed Spirituality) [Jacobus Koelman, M. Eugene Osterhaven, John Vriend (Translator)] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The Duties of Parents (Classics of Reformed Spirituality)



www.amazon.com

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## jw (Jul 26, 2021)

Pergamum said:


> The solution on many Reformed discussion groups is always books, books, more books. Mostly by old dead guys.
> 
> But I would suggest you get out there and talk to real living fathers who have done it well and see them in action and examine what they do. The culture of 2021 America is different than Geneva in the 1500-1600s, after all. Go on a trip to the park with a good father from your church and talk to him.


Never let an opportunity pass to throw shade at those fogey “Reformed.” You could’ve suggested the latter without commenting the former, Brother. Neither is the suggestion of books by some intended mutually to be exclusive from your salient advice (particularly when the the title, and associated query of the thread explicitly asked about books).

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## Pergamum (Jul 26, 2021)

jw said:


> Never let an opportunity pass to throw shade at those fogey “Reformed.” You could’ve suggested the latter without commenting the former, Brother. Neither is the suggestion of books by some intended mutually to be exclusive from your salient advice (particularly when the the title, and associated query of the thread explicitly asked about books).


We all point out blind spots and deficiencies among others, why not ourselves. This is a discussion board last I checked. I hear characterizations of other non-reformed folks all time, are we not strong enough to take the same medicine? Or do you just want to whine about it?

Of course it is not a matter of reading books OR doing actions. But there is often a lack of practical steps in our discussions and an unhealthy focus on reading only. 

Again, I say that searching out godly examples of fatherhood and interacting in real life with real fathers is more effective than reading more and more books about it

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## jw (Jul 26, 2021)

Pergamum said:


> We all point out blind spots and deficiencies among others, why not ourselves. This is a discussion board last I checked. I hear characterizations of other non-reformed folks all time, are we not strong enough to take the same medicine? Or do you just want to whine about it?
> 
> Of course it is not a matter of reading books OR doing actions. But there is often a lack of practical steps in our discussions and an unhealthy focus on reading only.
> 
> Again, I say that searching out godly examples of fatherhood and interacting in real life with real fathers is more effective than reading more and more books about it


I was trying charitably to point out a deficiency in your classification of those who were suggesting books. Is that okay, or do you just want to whine about it?

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## Pergamum (Jul 26, 2021)

jw said:


> I was trying charitably to point out a deficiency in your classification of those who were suggesting books. Is that okay, or do you just want to whine about it?


Why don't we both get back to the OP. 

Again, I suggest practice and not study only. 

In all sports, an athlete does not improve merely or even primarily by reading a play-book but by practicing drills and techniques.

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## jw (Jul 26, 2021)

Pergamum said:


> Why don't we both get back to the OP.
> 
> Again, I suggest practice and not study only.
> 
> In all sports, an athlete does not improve merely or even primarily by reading a play-book but by practicing drills and techniques.


Happy to, but I also don’t want to bog down from the purpose of the original inquirer’s intent.

Nobody suggested that he study at the exclusion of practice, yet your first sentence is a sweeping generalization implying folks are doing such. Every last Saturday of the month -barring some providential hindrance- the men of the church get together and both study the book I mentioned, as well as discuss the practical matters, share advice, and pray for one another. How’s THAT for gettin’ out there and talking to real fathers? Cuz I agree that such is necessary and helpful. 

And for bonus points, fathers or to-be fathers aren’t even restricted to those things; they’re encouraged to seek help and advice at other times too. And -get this- we’re a reformed congregation!


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## Pergamum (Jul 26, 2021)

jw said:


> Happy to, but I also don’t want to bog down from the purpose of the original inquirer’s intent.
> 
> Nobody suggested that he study at the exclusion of practice, yet your first sentence is a sweeping generalization implying folks are doing such. Every last Saturday of the month -barring some providential hindrance- the men of the church get together and both study the book I mentioned, as well as discuss the practical matters, share advice, and pray for one another. How’s THAT for gettin’ out there and talking to real fathers? Cuz I agree that such is necessary and helpful.


Sure. Congrats and good job. It does seem that no kids are actually involved in any of those activities, though. Again, this is not really drill or practice, but only further study (dads getting together talking about fatherhood away from their kids). It is like reading a book on fly-fishing instead of practicing fly-fishing. It is good to a degree, but not as good as actual hands-on practice. That is my point. In a similar manner, I've seen women of the church share recipe books, but much better is when I have seen older women take the younger women and help them actually learn to cook in real life. There is nothing controversial about this point I am trying to make, nor any need to get offended.

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## Beoga (Jul 26, 2021)

Lukemk824 said:


> Hello all,
> 
> My lovely wife and I are expecting our first child at the beginning of next year. As an avid reader, I am ready to devour any resources for expectant fathers. I am wondering if there are any good reformed books or articles directed towards first-time fathers?
> 
> ...


I don’t know if this qualifies, but I found Parenting by God’s Promises to be an important read as I begin my journey as a father.

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## jw (Jul 26, 2021)

I


Pergamum said:


> Sure. Congrats and good job. It does seem that no kids are actually involved in any of those activities, though. Again, this is not really drill or practice, but only further study (dads getting together talking about fatherhood away from their kids). It is like reading a book on fly-fishing instead of practicing fly-fishing. It is good to a degree, but not as good as hands-on practice. That is my point.


So the fact that one suggests a book, implies they don’t do the other things. I see. We’ll all make sure that when we suggest books from now on, that we describe every other implication and application of all that we do surrounding the same subject, lest we be perceived only to talk about duties, and not implement them, or help others with them.


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## Pergamum (Jul 26, 2021)

jw said:


> I
> 
> So the fact that one suggests a book, implies thy they don’t do the other things. I see. We’ll all make sure that when we suggest books from now on, that we describe every other implication and application of all that we do surrounding the same subject, lest we be perceived only to talk about duties, and not implement them, or help others with them.


Peace.

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## jw (Jul 26, 2021)

Pergamum said:


> Peace.

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## Ryan&Amber2013 (Jul 26, 2021)

My pastor gave me J.C.'s book for our first child. I also have the Beeke book recommended. They are great. In my opinion, J.R. Miller is an absolute must have in understanding family life. Reading this will be a great use of your time: https://gracegems.org/Miller/home_making.htm

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## KMK (Jul 26, 2021)

Pergamum said:


> This is a discussion board last I checked.



Announcement!

The Puritanboard exists primarily for discussion about Puritans. The only way we can interact with the Puritans is through what they wrote, or what was written about them.

The Administrators and Moderators try (with limited success) to prevent this board from devolving into another free-for-all facebook page.

Therefore, bring out all the old dead guys you want!

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## Pergamum (Jul 26, 2021)

KMK said:


> Announcement!
> 
> The Puritanboard exists primarily for discussion about Puritans. The only way we can interact with the Puritans is through what they wrote, or what was written about them.
> 
> ...


That must be why roughly half the posts are about COVID this year.

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## Andrew35 (Jul 26, 2021)

KMK said:


> Announcement!
> 
> The Puritanboard exists primarily for discussion about Puritans. The only way we can interact with the Puritans is through what they wrote, or what was written about them.
> 
> ...


Wha? It's not for modern-day Puritans to gripe and complain?

Seems I'm in the wrong place.


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## Don Kistler (Jul 26, 2021)

"The Christian Father's Present to His Children" by John Angell James is worth considering. Published by Northampton Press, but close to being sold out and out of print.

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## PaulCLawton (Jul 27, 2021)

Lukemk824 said:


> Hello all,
> 
> My lovely wife and I are expecting our first child at the beginning of next year. As an avid reader, I am ready to devour any resources for expectant fathers. I am wondering if there are any good reformed books or articles directed towards first-time fathers?
> 
> ...


I am in the habit of reccomeding this series of (very) short books to all new parents in the church, often buying the set as part of a wedding gift as well. This may or may not apply to the OP, but especially beneficial to keep in mind for those who do not consider themslevbes "readers" by nature.





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RHB Publications - Series - Family Guidance Series - Reformation Heritage Books







www.heritagebooks.org

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## RobertPGH1981 (Jul 27, 2021)

This resource has been an excellent resource for me over the past few months. I bought the audio edition on Audible. Book is great for anybody really. 

Parenting God's Promises - Joel Beeke 




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Parenting by God's Promises: How to Raise Children in the Covenant of Grace: Beeke, Joel R.: 9781567692662: Amazon.com: Books


Parenting by God's Promises: How to Raise Children in the Covenant of Grace [Beeke, Joel R.] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Parenting by God's Promises: How to Raise Children in the Covenant of Grace



www.amazon.com

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## smalltown_puritan (Jul 27, 2021)

Lukemk824 said:


> I am wondering if there are any good reformed books or articles directed towards first-time fathers?


I benefited particularly from Doug Wilson's book Why Children Matter.

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## user98Luke (Jul 27, 2021)

Pergamum said:


> The solution on many Reformed discussion groups is always books, books, more books. Mostly by old dead guys.
> 
> But I would suggest you get out there and talk to real living fathers who have done it well and see them in action and examine what they do. The culture of 2021 America is different than Geneva in the 1500-1600s, after all. Go on a trip to the park with a good father from your church and talk to him.


I asked for book recommendations.

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## user98Luke (Jul 27, 2021)

Taylor said:


> See attached for _Parental Responsibilities_ by R. L. Dabney.


This is great, thanks!!


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## greenbaggins (Jul 28, 2021)

Luke, while the Beeke book is excellent, I would recommend you focus right now on learning the Bible better, and learning the Reformed faith better (especially through the confessions of the church). You need to become a good enough reader of the Bible to be able to explain it in family worship, when questions arise, and when you simply do your own exposition of it. Same with the confessions of the church. It is your job as husband and father to extend the preaching of the Word into your home so that it reaches into many different areas of life. Focus on Bible study right now, while you have a bit more time (as opposed to when they are a little older, and you don't have the time!). Get Matthew Henry, a good Bible dictionary, a good study Bible, and start digging. Supplement it with wholesome reading in systematic theology, apologetics, church history, and Christian living.

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## White Robe (Jul 30, 2021)

Lukemk824 said:


> Hello all,
> 
> My lovely wife and I are expecting our first child at the beginning of next year. As an avid reader, I am ready to devour any resources for expectant fathers. I am wondering if there are any good reformed books or articles directed towards first-time fathers?
> 
> ...


Lukemk824: I had the blessing of raising my only child by myself with the Lord's direction. I would never change that experience for anything, but early in that journey I learn valuable lessons: 1) I could not do it, especially on my own and without God's intervention daily. 2) In my still biblical ignorance at the time, I asked the Lord in prayer "Lord, I can do the cooking, cleaning, take the child to school, read and teach the Bible to the child which I know will go in one ear and come out the other ear, unless you precious Lord take hold of the child's heart and tune it to listen and obey your Holy Word". My friend, He heard my plea for help! and every time I had difficulty or discipline challenges with the child, I reminded the Lord in prayer, that unless He, again and again, made aware His precious child to listen, obey lovingly the counsel, direction, and accept the mercy, grace, and love, that I would have not been able to raise this precious gift of God, to love the Word, The Lord Jesus, and His church". He also, send me plenty of books, and training to speed up my understanding and compensate for my lack of experience and discernment. Above all, Deuteronomy 6:1-9 reminded me of the daily task of teaching constantly my precious child, but also that I had to obey the scriptures and serve as an example and witness of God's grace. Books are helpful somewhat, but nothing to compare with the presence of the Almighty God daily in your mundane, routine, and manual labor of love to your child with the blessing of the only gracious, precious, kind, merciful, and forgiven King of kings, our Lord Jesus Christ. I owe him so much, and I cannot pay Him adequately as He deserves. My friend, read the Word, pray, obey, and then pray some more daily, and after that obey, read, and keep praying without ceasing.


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## David073 (Aug 4, 2021)

Not sure if this was said (I quickly glanced the thread), but William Gouge’s Building A Godly Home (3 volumes) was very helpful for my wife and I. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## SolaScriptura (Aug 4, 2021)

I've read most of the modern "gospel parenting" type books. Dobson's "Dare to Discipline" is probably the most practical. All this high minded stuff about shepherding your child's heart and stuff doesn't amount to a hill of beans if you have not first established yourself as the unquestioned authority in your child's life. Seriously. More fundamental than "Jesus loves you" or even "God made you" is "I'm the boss of you." If the child doesn't accept the latter, then none of your attempts to convey profound spiritual truths will amount to anything practical in the child's life.


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