# Why do so many college kids leave the Church?



## MMasztal (Apr 2, 2011)

My experience with high school kids in my school prompts me to ask this question. 

We’re all familiar with the Barna studies which show a large percentage of young adults raised in the Church leaving the Church when they go away to college. Answers in Genesis did another large study which found that the disconnect actually starts in middle and high school, however these kids are still “under the thumb” of their parents and have to attend church. So when they go away to college they can exercise their freedom and drop church attendance.

Both Barna and AIG cite a lack of substantive Christian education in church youth programs and maybe at home, but I wonder if there is another reason which I have not seen addressed in the research. 

I teach in a non-denominational school so we have kids from a whole gamut of church backgrounds: Reformed to Pentacostal to uber-lib/emergent to rarely attending any service at all and even some Seventh Day Adventists. It seems that the kids who are the most argumentative and basically unhappy with church are those that come from a really legalistic and oppressive families/church background.

This make me wonder if growing up in a legalistic home/church environment may be the major contributor to the church attendance exodus that occurs when kids leave home to attend college. Does anyone know of any studies that have been completed that show a correlation between the legalistic upbringing and breaking away from church in college?

It might make for an interesting thesis/dissertation.


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## Notthemama1984 (Apr 2, 2011)

I agree that that would be an interesting study.


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## Reformed Roman (Apr 2, 2011)

For one I would say it's because they are sort of forced to go to church as a kid.

Also their parents are there, so they can't get too wild. But when they go off to college, it's not about living a good moral life anymore to please mommy and daddy. They are off on their own and they can follow whatever they want, and normally it's sin. As for the Christians, lack of accountability, and more temptations could be the issues there.

Just a few suggestions.


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## torstar (Apr 2, 2011)

I would not overlook the angle that most do not belong at a university in the first place. 

Most are not remotely mature enough to handle the peer pressure and most sure are not there to apply themselves to study.


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## Grillsy (Apr 2, 2011)

Perhaps, it is the result of parents and the Church failing to carry out their God given Covenant responsibilities.


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## AThornquist (Apr 2, 2011)

I think the primary reason is because many aren't regenerate. They may have stopped going to _a_ church, but they never left _the_ church; they weren't in it to begin with.


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## JennyG (Apr 2, 2011)

Answers in Genesis's diagnosis seems to me to account for it. 
Sooner or later kids discover that despite what they were taught at home, the great god Science has long since disproved the Bible - only the intellectually-challenged and the terminally embarrassing are stupid enough actually to believe Bronze Age myths in this day and age! 
They react predictably


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## Jack K (Apr 2, 2011)

Does legalism play a role in many cases? Of course it does.

Legalism obscures the gospel. So does decisionism, liberalism, therapeudic deism, what's-in-it-for-me-ism and so on. In short, wherever the gospel is obscured we cannot expect many true conversions to happen.

Young people are leaving the church because they aren't converted and they know it. They realize that after 18 years of one or another of these -isms they really don't have a love for God or a changed heart. The church hasn't delivered on what the gospel promises. So they conclude that the church, and by extension Christianity, is a waste of time.

The cure is not simply to replace legalism with one of these other -isms, but to replace all of these false, me-centered religions with the true gospel. Legalism is an excellent place to start.

As for the kids themselves, we need to listen to their frustrations and be quick to understand where the church has failed them by not being gospel-centered. We need to be constantly reforming our churches and consistently speaking the gospel of Christ into kids' lives from a young age. _Then_ we can expect conversions. And then our kids will not only stay with the church, but have a passion for serving Jesus. Then there will be no stopping them.


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## Marrow Man (Apr 2, 2011)

The White Horse Inn guys frequently cite the work of sociologist Christian Smith on issues like this. His studies have to do with those who stay in the church after reaching young adulthood. It is sociology and surveys and stuff so view it with some discernment, but two factors kept resurfacing over and over again as to why those kids who grew up in the church stayed in the church when they became young adults. Want to know what these two factors are?

1) They grew up in a home where the Bible was read and taken seriously.
2) They went to churches that were intergenerational in character.


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## Rev. Todd Ruddell (Apr 2, 2011)

I would add that they were catechized as children and young adults. They were taught the principles and even the complexities of the Christian faith. Further, a strong moral base in the Commandments of God, as taught in the Catechisms of the Church, help to set a moral foundation that the Lord is pleased to use in many to keep them close. The immorality and amorality of the world is at least distasteful, and downright scary to the children of the Church. 

Of course, in all these discussions, we must press the use of means, but never trust even in lawful means--the foundational reason young adults stay in Church is God's saving grace in Christ!


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## kodos (Apr 2, 2011)

Speaking of the WH Inn, Horton also makes a perfectly valid point. Were many of these kids ever part of the Church to begin with? We hustle them out to their glorified daycares, youth groups, etc. and segregate them from the body.

And instead of them experiencing the intrusion of the Kingdom of Heaven into the World, they experience the intrusion of the World into the Church with their 'too cool for mom and dad' youth pastor. Instead of the Church being shadows of the heavenly realities, they see the Church as a shadow of the Worldly realities.

And when they go into the World - they experience it in its fullness. They've been conditioned for it, they've not been _set apart_ from it. And suddenly their 'hip' youth pastor starts to look like a dork compared to what's going on in the Real World.

That's one element that I feel is at work. Another toxic element is fundamentalism. I don't know how many of the atheists that I've run into have had Fundamentalist parents who told them that their questioning was going to lead them to hell. 

We also don't do a good job at teaching world-views. Understanding where the unbeliever comes from, and their presuppositions is very important for our children to understand - so that they are not ambushed by them when they leave and are equipped to understand that man's sin-nature blinds him from the Truth.

And finally, as parents we have to lead our children and spend the time teaching, studying, and integrating them into family worship. So many parents leave the Lord behind after their 1 hour "duty" on Sunday - and the rest of their week looks the same as any good(?) pagan's.

Reactions: Informative 1


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## puritanpilgrim (Apr 2, 2011)

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## Philip (Apr 2, 2011)

Grillsy said:


> Perhaps, it is the result of parents and the Church failing to carry out their God given Covenant responsibilities.



At what point are parents/the church responsible for a child not having faith? I agree that Covenant responsibilities should be taken seriously, but at some point we do realize that ultimately it is not the fault of the church if a) God has a plan to let the seeds planted in youth bear fruit later in life after a period of searching b) a Covenant child is not elect.

I agree, though, that in many cases the church panders to the base and dumbs things down, acting as if teenagers aren't ready for the hard-yet-beautiful truths of the Gospel. If a teenager flounders in learning doctrine, it's an opportunity for mentorship and discipleship by an older Christian. Many of the problems that I have observed in youth ministry contexts have been the result of small staffs with little more theological training than the young people they are supposed to be mentoring. Evangelicalism just hasn't done a good job of training lay leaders in the last few decades.


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## MMasztal (Apr 2, 2011)

kodos said:


> Another toxic element is fundamentalism. I don't know how many of the atheists that I've run into have had Fundamentalist parents who told them that their questioning was going to lead them to hell.



Great comments everyone. Rom, thanks for mentioning fundamentalism. This is another complaint I hear from students about their parents. Many of the parents have subscribed to this type of mentality and chastise the kids when they ask the tough questions or challenge what the pink-haired lady on TBN said. I offer them the example of the Bereans as a counter to their parents’ tunnel vision. I expect to have some parent conferences next week as we’ve been on spring break this week.

One thing surprised me last week. One of the students said he liked me because I was theologically “a liberal” as opposed to a conservative!?! I could not hold back my astonishment. Me, a liberal? But after a few moments I understood what he meant. The students confused conservatism with legalism. I took some time to explain the differences between a theological liberal and a legalist versus orthodox Christianity.


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## Grillsy (Apr 2, 2011)

P. F. Pugh said:


> At what point are parents/the church responsible for a child not having faith? I agree that Covenant responsibilities should be taken seriously, but at some point we do realize that ultimately it is not the fault of the church if a) God has a plan to let the seeds planted in youth bear fruit later in life after a period of searching b) a Covenant child is not elect.
> 
> I agree, though, that in many cases the church panders to the base and dumbs things down, acting as if teenagers aren't ready for the hard-yet-beautiful truths of the Gospel. If a teenager flounders in learning doctrine, it's an opportunity for mentorship and discipleship by an older Christian. Many of the problems that I have observed in youth ministry contexts have been the result of small staffs with little more theological training than the young people they are supposed to be mentoring. Evangelicalism just hasn't done a good job of training lay leaders in the last few decades.




Good questions. Difficult questions. I agree with your statements. 
Perhaps, the wayward generation is a sign of God's judgment, in His Providence, upon His people for failing to do what he has required? 
Now, Philip, I realize I've opened up many more questions with that above query.


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## Pergamum (Apr 2, 2011)

The faith has never been internalized for so many. Ken Ham's book, _*Already Gone*_ is excellent on this subject!


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## Philip (Apr 2, 2011)

MMasztal said:


> Great comments everyone. Rom, thanks for mentioning fundamentalism. This is another complaint I hear from students about their parents. Many of the parents have subscribed to this type of mentality and chastise the kids when they ask the tough questions or challenge what the pink-haired lady on TBN said. I offer them the example of the Bereans as a counter to their patents’ tunnel vision. I expect to have some parent conferences next week as we’ve been on spring break this week.



One of my theology profs is fond of saying that faith that is afraid of asking and wrestling with hard questions---questions about how to deal with inerrancy, how to understand the trinity, the two natures and unity of Christ, predestination and responsibility, etc---is not real faith at all: it's denial. Our response to questions about faith should not be to put our fingers in our ears and shut out the noise. Faith that cannot stand up to hard questions and close scrutiny isn't worth having.

Speaking for myself, the thing that awoke me as a teenager to the reality of faith was having that faith challenged on hard doctrinal issues---and it forced me to go to the Bible for answers.


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## Andres (Apr 2, 2011)

kodos said:


> And instead of them experiencing the intrusion of the Kingdom of Heaven into the World, they experience the intrusion of the World into the Church with their 'too cool for mom and dad' youth pastor. Instead of the Church being shadows of the heavenly realities, they see the Church as a shadow of the Worldly realities.



This is a excellent, albeit unfortunate, point.


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## Backwoods Presbyterian (Apr 2, 2011)

The above reminds me of a quote by Robert Dick Wilson:



> "Build solidly. Prepare thoroughly. Never be satisfied with superficial answers. God’s Word can stand the most thorough investigation. Do not shirk the difficult problems but seek to bring the facts to light, for God’s Word and God’s world will never contradict one another."


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## Frosty (Apr 2, 2011)

Two comments here.

I think another factor is that many kids today do not see their parents "walking the walk" at home, obviously hurting the witness of the parents in their child's life. I show up to church, watch my parents joyfully interact with other Christians, worship God with enthusiasm, and "talk the talk". But when we get home, I see very little that this is a reality in their lives. Therefore, I begin to see Christianity as some sort of meaningless tradition. I begin to think church is about putting on a facade one day a week. I, as a teenager, want to be authentic, so I do not need to go to church.

Another force out there is the idea that my parents are not neutral in their belief in Christianity. They have grown up with it, it is what they have been taught since the time they were little by their parents. They have accepted it without considering the other "philosophies" or scientific evidence. I am not going to fall into the intellectual trap that they did. I, as an intelligent college student, am going to analyze the claims of Christianity vs. all other claims in a neutral manner. This will probably lead me to evolution/humanism. The "myth of neutrality" rearing its ugly head.


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## jwithnell (Apr 2, 2011)

We must not overlook another factor: we as parents are totally dependent upon God's grace, and we must take every sign of grace and growth in our children as precious acts of God. 



> Faith that cannot stand up to hard questions and close scrutiny isn't worth having.



With a nod of respect to Paul K, I have to say I saw this statement in a totally different light. Primarily, Thank God! He has put up with decades of my chewing and digging and tussling over most ever piece of scripture or sermon I hear. So has my husband and the ever-patient men who have served me as pastor or elder. Most of the time this is internal or in front of a stack of books, but sometimes my inquisitiveness just overflows.


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## MMasztal (Apr 2, 2011)

Frosty said:


> Two comments here.
> 
> I think another factor is that many kids today do not see their parents "walking the walk" at home, obviously hurting the witness of the parents in their child's life. I show up to church, watch my parents joyfully interact with other Christians, worship God with enthusiasm, and "talk the talk". But when we get home, I see very little that this is a reality in their lives. Therefore, I begin to see Christianity as some sort of meaningless tradition. I begin to think church is about putting on a facade one day a week. I, as a teenager, want to be authentic, so I do not need to go to church.


 
I’m not so sure about this example. 2 particular students have parents who really do “walk the walk” ay home. I know them as truly sincere Christians, albeit Pentacostals and fairly shallow theologically while the other knows his Bible, but lacks discernment (e.g., he thinks “The Shack” is a great book even from a theological perspective). However what is common between both families is a legalistic and repressive home life. I expect both kids to leave home as soon as they are able. It’s sad...

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jwithnell said:


> Primarily, Thank God! He has put up with decades of my chewing and digging and tussling over most ever piece of scripture or sermon I hear. So has my husband and the ever-patient men who have served me as pastor or elder. Most of the time this is internal or in front of a stack of books, but sometimes my inquisitiveness just overflows.



I can only pray that my students would be more inquisitive about the faith.


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## Sarah (Apr 3, 2011)

Finding a new church and getting involved in it takes effort, and most kids have never put effort into going to church. Their parents picked it and told them to come along, so they did. They've probably had friends there for a long time and their home church is comfortable for them. Finding a new church near campus and getting involved can be a daunting task, especially if they don't have Christian friends to go with them.

I was committed to going to church on Sundays when I went off to college, but for the first few months I absolutely dreaded Sundays, not knowing which church I should go to, not having a car, not knowing if any of my friends were going to be able to drive me, and not knowing anyone at the church. God provided for me a few people on my cross country team who wanted to go and had a car, and we ended up going together every week for a few years, and I am SOOOOO thankful for them. (I married one of them ) For the weeks before we got connected, I felt pretty lonely. In that kind of situation it is so much easier to sleep in than to make the effort to find a good church, get there, and get involved. If I hadn't been committed to going to church, I wouldn't have made the effort.

I know there are many students who drop out of church when they go off to college because of theological questions or rebellion, but I think there are plenty who just never get involved in a church because they don't want to make the effort. And after a while of not going to church it doesn't seem weird anymore. And pretty soon they are dependent on that extra couple hours of sleep or study time. Not going becomes the norm. And this task of finding a church and getting involved isn't any easier at 25 years old than it was at 18, so they don't go.


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## Micah Everett (Apr 3, 2011)

kodos said:


> Speaking of the WH Inn, Horton also makes a perfectly valid point. Were many of these kids ever part of the Church to begin with? We hustle them out to their glorified daycares, youth groups, etc. and segregate them from the body.
> 
> And instead of them experiencing the intrusion of the Kingdom of Heaven into the World, they experience the intrusion of the World into the Church with their 'too cool for mom and dad' youth pastor. Instead of the Church being shadows of the heavenly realities, they see the Church as a shadow of the Worldly realities.
> 
> And when they go into the World - they experience it in its fullness. They've been conditioned for it, they've not been set apart from it. And suddenly their 'hip' youth pastor starts to look like a dork compared to what's going on in the Real World.



I agree with this. Another issue, at least where I live and work, is so-called "decisional regeneration." Many of the students I encounter at the university where I teach stop going to church at all either because it's too much effort (that has been mentioned here), because being in a new place without Mom and Dad hurts their "routine" of church-going, or maybe because being in "big church" isn't as "cool" as even the dorky youth pastor. A few of these will try to substitute a campus ministry of some kind (many of which are much like their old youth groups) for being part of a real church, and others just stop going to church altogether. BUT, because these kids have "made a decision," or have "gone forward," or "signed a card," or "raised their hands" or whatever, they still believe themselves to be saved, converted, Christian people, in spite of showing few or none of the fruits of true conversion as explained in Scripture. As I have heard it explained before, the preaching of "decisionism" has "inoculated" them against the true Gospel in all of its fullness, and they not only resist but resent those that plead with them to truly repent and believe. An excessively individualistic half-gospel has resulted in a situation where these kids really don't believe that they NEED to be part of the church to be a faithful Christian--they only need to focus on their "personal relationship with God," which might or might not actually involve membership and involvement in the institutional church.

I doubt the above scenario applies in all cases, but I believe it is a factor that has not yet been mentioned here.


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