# How young is too young to get married?



## alexamasan (Jul 5, 2015)

Does the bible set a minimum age in order to get married? How young is too young to get married biblically?

I've heard many use the verse in Numbers where only those who are under age 20 will see the promise land and use that at an age of accountability. That seems to make sense, but does mean that 18 year olds marrying is sinful? In many cultures, it is normal for them to have people in their 20's, 30's, and older marrying prepubescent children. Is there anything wrong with this biblically? What do you guys think the bible says about marriage and age?


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## arapahoepark (Jul 5, 2015)

It depends on the maturity of the individual. I have noticed many Christian couples who are married young tend to be more mature than unbelievers at their age. Those who are unbeliever and marry young tend to be insecure I have noticed and they normally don't work out. At the same time marriage can really cause a person to grow up.

No, I don't think the Bible says anything on the age of a marriage. Cultures could marry quite soon or others wait until.their late twenties for a dowry.

This day in age, I would advise not marrying young both in the church and outside of it adolescence is going on longer,
(Depending on the person of course) though mostly for individual selfish reasons.


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## littlepeople (Jul 5, 2015)

I can't think of any passage other than Romans 13. I married very young, and we weren't particularly mature. We just celebrated our 10th anniversary last month. Long term dating and extended engagements usually lead to nothing good. in my opinion


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## Andrew P.C. (Jul 5, 2015)

I married at the age of 21 and I've been growing as a husband every since. I agree that maturity is important but I do not think one should wait to a certain age. There is no age limit within scripture.

Also, it depends on the person. My wife and myself were dating for over a year, I was away in the military, and we did not have a solid church at the time. God was gracious to us and we should not disregard this fact. However, like I stated before, maturity as a believer is important.


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## py3ak (Jul 5, 2015)

We had a thread on this once before:

http://www.puritanboard.com/showthread.php/26565-UnderAge-Marriage?highlight=consent


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## Unoriginalname (Jul 5, 2015)

For a man, I would say you would have to be old enough (and in the right position) to support a spouse.


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## Miss Marple (Jul 6, 2015)

Since marriage is to be between a MAN and a WOMAN it stands only to reason the they can't be prepubescent. I can't believe that's even being referenced.

Other than that it seems to me Scripture gives no particular age.


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## chuckd (Jul 6, 2015)

alexamasan said:


> Does the bible set a minimum age in order to get married? How young is too young to get married biblically?
> 
> I've heard many use the verse in Numbers where only those who are under age 20 will see the promise land and use that at an age of accountability. That seems to make sense, but does mean that 18 year olds marrying is sinful? In many cultures, it is normal for them to have people in their 20's, 30's, and older marrying prepubescent children. Is there anything wrong with this biblically? What do you guys think the bible says about marriage and age?



Too young is childhood.
1 Cor. 7:36 But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, *if she is past the flower of youth*, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry.

This age *legally* has varied. It has normally been much lower, typically around 12-14, in history (even as recent as the early 20th century). Now it is around 16-18.

I think age difference should be taken into account. A teenage woman is at a different maturity level than a man in his 30's and would find his interests, friends, etc. annoying. And vice versa.

Not to say there can't be a gap as Abraham and Sarah were 10 years apart. Just they should be somewhat together.


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## Peairtach (Jul 6, 2015)

According to Roman Law and old Scots Law based on it, a girl could get married at aged 12 and a boy at aged 14 i.e. they had to have reached the maturity of puberty indicated by nature.

The law in Scotland, England and Wales, and Northern Ireland is now 16 for both sexes. I don't know when it was changed. 

Maybe both innocence and maturity were affected in some places by the industrial revolution, leading to felt need for a change.


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## Philip (Jul 6, 2015)

Peairtach said:


> Maybe both innocence and maturity were affected in some places by the industrial revolution, leading to felt need for a change.



The advent of child labour laws and compulsory secondary education likely had something to do with it. It also doesn't make a whole lot of sense for someone to be married before they have reached legal majority. One's signature has to be valid, after all.


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## solas4me (Jul 6, 2015)

My 18 year old daughter is marrying in September. Her fiance is 5 years older than her. I wouldn't recommend marriage for
every 18 year old, but think much depends on maturity.


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## littlepeople (Jul 6, 2015)

On our honeymoon, I was turned away from several hotels since I couldn't sign for the room.


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## Jeri Tanner (Jul 6, 2015)

I have heard claims about the dangers of teenage pregnancy (a very possible outcome when very young people marry!). Many of those claims seem related to an assumption that the teen will be living in poverty or not taking care of herself during pregnancy, but health risks are also cited related to a not-yet-fully-developed young woman going through a pregnancy. Any info on this?


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## johnny (Jul 6, 2015)

Jeri Tanner said:


> I have heard claims about the dangers of teenage pregnancy (a very possible outcome when very young people marry!). Many of those claims seem related to an assumption that the teen will be living in poverty or not taking care of herself during pregnancy, but health risks are also cited related to a not-yet-fully-developed young woman going through a pregnancy. Any info on this?



Hi Jeri
The thread that Ruben refers to 8 posts up has some info on that topic,


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## alexamasan (Jul 6, 2015)

Thanks! this thread goes into the issue more directly.


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## Jeri Tanner (Jul 6, 2015)

johnny said:


> Jeri Tanner said:
> 
> 
> > I have heard claims about the dangers of teenage pregnancy (a very possible outcome when very young people marry!). Many of those claims seem related to an assumption that the teen will be living in poverty or not taking care of herself during pregnancy, but health risks are also cited related to a not-yet-fully-developed young woman going through a pregnancy. Any info on this?
> ...



Thanks!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Miss Marple (Jul 6, 2015)

My son also married at 18 Justin and his marriage has worked out beautifully. 

If you want people to avoid fornication, it is not very realistic to expect them all to wait until they are 30.


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## AThornquist (Jul 6, 2015)

I don't think setting an age is helpful. I think this is better: consider the duties and purposes of marriage and ask if the man and woman are able to meet those. Obviously _not_ perfectly, or perhaps not even very well, but can the man love, provide, lead, protect, etc? Can the woman respect, keep the home, bare children, etc? As it relates to age, my opinion obviously requires that the female not be prepubescent. To clarify, there are many caveats and clarifications I could make, but I offer this just as a broad principle. Interestingly, I think culturally we have followed this somewhat as marriage ages have changed according to the maturity of young men and women and their (in)ability to provide, keep the home, and so on.


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## JoannaV (Jul 7, 2015)

I suppose some cultures still have betrothal followed (perhaps years later) by the consummation of marriage.

If a Christian lived in a culture different than ours he would not be asking if it would be better if his culture was different but rather what was the best way for him to act given the culture he was in.

The other thread referred to Ezekiel 16, and the idea that the time of love is after puberty is finished.
So if a Christian was already betrothed to a prepubescent child with no honorable way of returning her to her parents (and I know in some cultures the betrothed girl is raised in the man's household?) then he must most surely wait to consummate the marriage until the appropriate time is fully come. (And LOVE her as Christ loved....lay down his life for her...)
As to Christian parents...well it is hard for me to even imagine giving away a young daughter. But surely they must consider her well-being as paramount? Do not sell her merely hoping for a better future, but only KNOWING that she will be treated well.

Bleurgh.


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## DMcFadden (Jul 7, 2015)

No biblical proof texts, it is a matter of individual maturity and practical prudential wisdom.

My wife was 19 and I was 20. We have been married more than 41 years.


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## JoannaV (Jul 7, 2015)

alexamasan said:


> I've heard many use the verse in Numbers where only those who are under age 20 will see the promise land and use that at an age of accountability. That seems to make sense, but does mean that 18 year olds marrying is sinful?



I found an internet article which attempted to determine the "age of accountability" from the Bible. Its conclusion was that it's possible some children younger than twelve might be accountable, but that if a child is not accountable by the age of twenty it is unlikely he will ever be.


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## lynnie (Jul 8, 2015)

There are Christian materials that evaluate your emotional age. Our daughter, who has had many emotional problems, tested out to be age 14 when she was 18. In her case, the birth mother materialized out of thin air wanting contact when she was 14, and she processed things so poorly that I think she stopped maturing for years. Trauma can do that, people freeze up inside. What you can find is maturity in one area (they can work hard and keep a job)and gross immaturity in another area like how to relate to people. 

If you have a specific person in mind I would urge you to urge them to get evaluated by a good counselor. They may be ready to be a devoted parent, but not ready for other aspects of life.


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## crixus (Jul 9, 2015)

littlepeople said:


> I can't think of any passage other than Romans 13. I married very young, and we weren't particularly mature. We just celebrated our 10th anniversary last month. Long term dating and extended engagements usually lead to nothing good. in my opinion



*Belated congratulations on your 10th anniversary!*


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## littlepeople (Jul 9, 2015)

crixus said:


> Belated congratulations on your 10th anniversary!



Thanks!


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## mgkortus (Jul 9, 2015)

For churches that hold to the practice of having young adults make a public confession of their faith, it seems that this would be a good bench mark for maturity. If a young man or woman has not reached the point where they desire to be confessing members of an instituted church, they are almost certainly not ready for marriage.


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## Jimmy the Greek (Jul 9, 2015)

I was 19 and my wife was 18 when we married. Clueless and immature at the time. But the Lord saved us a few years later and we celebrate our 50th anniversary in August.


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## crixus (Jul 17, 2015)

littlepeople said:


> crixus said:
> 
> 
> > Belated congratulations on your 10th anniversary!
> ...



You're welcome!


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## Miss Marple (Jul 17, 2015)

" Clueless and immature at the time."

Probably true of all of us at all ages, honestly.


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