# Seeking Wisdom Concerning Dating



## LeeJUk (Feb 14, 2010)

Hey,

Well this is something that has been troubling me for quite some time. Basically there is this girl I like, shes about my age, shes totally beautiful and shes Godly. Now I've had a strong recurring desire to you know do something about this, ask her out or something. We attend a bible study together and we speak a bit on facebook too. I met her last oct. at a ceilidh.

Now there is however a problem that makes me hesitant about asking her out... shes going back to Germany in march but says shes still very attached to this country. She's an au pair. So I'm thinking do I tell her kinda how I feel and ask her out and hope God works to maybe come to some arrangement about going back to Germany because I mean it's not a far out idea that she could choose to instead study in this country as opposed to going back to Germany to study. 

Or do I just say, well the door has closed and try and shut my self up.

I've prayed about this for a long time and sought wisdom from a few people etc... but i still have no definite answer.

Please give advice! As much as you can please and as many of you as can. 

Regards,

Lee


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## jambo (Feb 14, 2010)

I would ask her out. When I was going through the turmoil of trying to decide whether to ask the girl who would become my wife out, I was reading through the book of Proverbs. On the morning I did ask her out I read in Prov 13.12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" I thought if I dont ask I will regret it. So I did and here we are still together almost 30 years later.

If you ask her out and nothing comes of it then fine. But if you don't ask you may well regret it for a long time. Remember-the door is not closed until it is shut.


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## Bern (Feb 14, 2010)

If you're serious about potentially committing your life to this woman, then if you haven't already, pray for an opportunity to be able to share how you feel with her. I know this may sound harsh or condescending, but I really don't mean it to be..... but make sure the reasons you are interested in a relationship with her isn't just because you "fancy" her. Many times romantic feelings can be a bit of a red herring where relationships are concerned. Whatever woman you end up with, you have to understand what will be required of you as a husband before you commit yourself, otherwise you'll have a tough time of it.

If you've taken the issue seriously and are still keen to persue it, then pray for a suitable opportunity to talk to her about it, and see how she responds. Don't make any rushed decisions, and trust in the Lords providence


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## kvanlaan (Feb 14, 2010)

Ask her out. If it goes well, continue to see her and write to her after she's gone. Let God shut the door, don't pre-empt Him.


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## au5t1n (Feb 14, 2010)

You're seventeen, right? I think you should wait to date until you are ready to seek a wife and working on being able to support a family. Dating (or whatever term you want to use) should not be recreational, but for seeking a wife. I know it's not my business, but you asked for advice. Ask her to be your pen pal, if her parents are okay with that.


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## LeeJUk (Feb 15, 2010)

austinww said:


> You're seventeen, right? I think you should wait to date until you are ready to seek a wife and working on being able to support a family. Dating (or whatever term you want to use) should not be recreational, but for seeking a wife. I know it's not my business, but you asked for advice. Ask her to be your pen pal, if her parents are okay with that.


 
18, and i work full time and no im not just dating for fun.


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## au5t1n (Feb 15, 2010)

LeeJUk said:


> austinww said:
> 
> 
> > You're seventeen, right? I think you should wait to date until you are ready to seek a wife and working on being able to support a family. Dating (or whatever term you want to use) should not be recreational, but for seeking a wife. I know it's not my business, but you asked for advice. Ask her to be your pen pal, if her parents are okay with that.
> ...


 
Okay, fair enough. No school? Well, if you're ready to seek a wife, then I am of the opinion that 18 is not too young (if you're ready), so...go for it.


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## ValiantforTruth (Feb 15, 2010)

I would ask her out. Something casual though, and try to make her laugh. You can't laugh if you're nervous. Also, make sure you get her to talk about herself.

I met my wife on a missions trip in Brazil. We worked together for two weeks, and then I came back to the states and we just talked on the phone for three months. After that she came to the states so we could spend more time together and lived with a family from our church. We didn't know what would happen, but it worked out. There's nothing wrong with long distance relationships if you're serious and have the same objectives, In my humble opinion.


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## Montanablue (Feb 15, 2010)

To play devil's advocate - you may know you want to marry her (and that's fine), but for pity's sake don't tell her that on the first date or when you ask her out. Keep it casual for a little while at least.


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## Tripel (Feb 15, 2010)

By all means, ask her out. Enjoy what time you have with her, and hope the time increases.


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## itsreed (Feb 15, 2010)

Lee: you've heard most of this in one form or another already, but just because I'm an old romantic, here are my thoughts:

1. Are you ready to get "phyiscally" married? Practically, are you ready to support a wife and child? God's earthly goals for marriage require a man to be able to do these basic things. If you are not going to be ready in a reasonable period of time (i.e., assuming marriage follows in one or two years) - do *not *ask her out.

2. Are you ready to get "spiritually" married? By this I mean are you ready to give up your dreams and goals for your own private life? God's spiritual goals for marriage require a man to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. Another way to ask this, are you ready to stop being a boy, and take the full mantle of manhood upon your shoulders? if you are not, that's o.k., but - do *not *ask her out.

3. Are you spiritually compatible? Not simply, "are we both saved?" More deeply, what is her religious heritage, is she a new believer, does she come from a different branch of the church? Will she rejoice in and flourish in giving up her heritage and joining your church? This is the big question most young people flub and then suffer for years trying to work out their initial selfishness that ignored this question. Do not let desire present you with a lie masquerading as a fairy tale. If you are not - do *not *ask her out.

If you believe you are ready for marriage (physically and spiritually), and if you believe there is spiritual compatability, then,

Tell her how you feel, and what that may mean (i.e., that you are ready for marriage, and that you're not interested in dating just to have fun, with no eye to where things may go). If the serousness of this approach turns her off - you've been saved from some serious heartache down the road. Either she's just not ready (she still wants to play at being a school girl with boys smiling at her), or she's not interested in you in that way. Either way, don't let a merely human view of wisdom hear stop you from speaking clearly with Gods' intentions overt and up front. 

If you are *not *ready for marriage or spiritually compatable, then relax with your feeelings. It is nothing more than an ordinary human response, and not some determinative thing. Instead, acknowledging that at this point it is just "going out for fun," don't make a big deal of it. Restrain your emotional response, and do not burden her with hints of potential promises you have no intention of fulfilling.

For your own sake, and respect for her, arrange such "fun-dates" with others your own age, and in a public setting. Consider who may be the man who marries her someday. If/when you get married, it will be nice to think that your future wife may have been treated with the same respect you showed someone else'es future wife.

Hope this helps.


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## LeeJUk (Feb 15, 2010)

I appreciate all your advise guys. If anyone has anything more to contribute, go ahead. As for school, school works a bit differently in the UK. I left when I was 16, entered college for a year and then started work. I will be going back to uni in a year or so though to study theology if I'm accepted in the church of Scotland enquiry process which I've just begun.

As for what to do next, im just praying for an opportunity to share with her something of how I feel or to ask her out. It seems pretty much the message i have been hearing from everyone I've asked is to go for it and so I think I will.


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## Tripel (Feb 15, 2010)

LeeJUk said:


> As for what to do next, im just praying for an opportunity to share with her something of how I feel or to ask her out.



Great. As Kathleen suggested, be guarded in how much of your feelings you unload on her, but at the same time you want to come across as confident and purposeful. 



> It seems pretty much the message i have been hearing from everyone I've asked is to go for it and so I think I will.


 
Wonderful! Let us know how it goes!


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## awretchsavedbygrace (Feb 15, 2010)

itsreed said:


> Lee: you've heard most of this in one form or another already, but just because I'm an old romantic, here are my thoughts:
> 
> 1. Are you ready to get "phyiscally" married? Practically, are you ready to support a wife and child? God's earthly goals for marriage require a man to be able to do these basic things. If you are not going to be ready in a reasonable period of time (i.e., assuming marriage follows in one or two years) - do *not *ask her out.
> 
> ...


 
 This is great advice.


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