# Learning to lose!



## JonathonHunt (Jun 12, 2004)

Any suggestions about how to teach a child HOW to lose - other than by beating them at games?

We have a tendency to soft-foot around the issue of losing, and 'let' our children win things - which is fair, as they have limited abilities.

However - where is the balance to be struck? My 7 year old has a very bad attitude to losing ANYTHING - it is tears and howling.

Suggestions?

Thanks!


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## Puritan Sailor (Jun 12, 2004)

Losing is a time for reflection on how we can do better next time. All the great men in their professions have lost at one point or another. But they learned and improved because of it. 

It's also a time to recognize that not everyone has the same abilities. Some are more gifted than others. I remember being on the swim team in highschool, and I was not the fastest by any means. But the coach made it clear that my job was not to win first since our fastest swimmers would do that, but for me to win the 2nd or 3rd place (that way our team would get more points in the event). He certainly wouldn't object to me winning first, but the point was about strategy and being used best for the benefit of the whole while still working to the best of my ability. We must recognize our limitations and also where we can improve. It helps us to grow and fit exactly where God wants us. 

I don't know yet how to explain these concepts to a child but I still have a couple years before my boy gets to that point.


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## king of fools (Jun 12, 2004)

It's all part of training the child to be humble, not prideful and not think more highly of himself then he oughts to. I remember when I would compete in track and field I often tried to congratulate the winner when it wasn't me.

[b:99fd2041ea]Romans 12:3[/b:99fd2041ea] comes to mind. &quot;For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, [b:99fd2041ea]not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly[/b:99fd2041ea], as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.&quot;

Now, on the other hand, who wants to lose? :bs2: I compete in anything where I know there will be no hard feelings. Everything from the work that I do to the games that I play.


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## blhowes (Jun 12, 2004)

Sometimes with my kids it helps to refocus their attention. Instead of talking about the loss, I focus on their accomplishment compared to past efforts. &quot;You sure are running faster than you did a couple of months ago.&quot;

Sometimes when I lose to them (like with video games) I make it into a joke to show that its not the end of the world to lose. I say, &quot;You did good. Let's see... you're the winner... that means I'm the ... um&quot; to which they respond &quot;LOSER!&quot;.

If that doesn't work, I tell them &quot;Winning isn't everything...its the only thing&quot;


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