# What to expect during a home study for adoption



## Pergamum (Feb 25, 2013)

Hello,

We are pursuing adoption and are trying to get a home study scheduled.

What should be expect? What sorts of questions? What is important? What do they look for? Any things to avoid or fix before the visit?


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## CJW (Feb 25, 2013)

A great deal will depend on your social worker, I would think. The social worker who did our home study was an absolute delight, and the whole weekend felt like having a friend visit. She was here for the Saturday and Sunday; we had lunch, dinner and breakfast with her, and she attended church with us on the Lord's Day.

Questions I can remember: 

What one sees as the strength and weaknesses of one's spouse.
How do you as a couple handle disagreements.
How would you as a couple handle disagreements about child raising.
Who is the displinarian in the family.
What would you do if your child wanted to go eat at McDonalds, and you were adamant against ever eating there, EVER! (True question! as I am pretty adamant in my views on McDonalds )

I can't really remember many more, as for the most part we chatted over coffee and dinner and breakfast about a real range of topics. Basically be yourself!

She took a tour of the house and gardens, but didn't say what specifically she was looking for! I set out to clean like crazy so everything looked "Better Homes & Gardens", but decided in the end to let her see it looking like what it usually looks like. No need in giving false impressions


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## Pergamum (Feb 25, 2013)

What topics did you chat about? 

I feel like I am inviting someone over to judge me. I feel defensive already.


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## CJW (Feb 25, 2013)

Let me see if I can remember!

In no particular order: Our upbringings, things we'd do that our parents never did, things we'd never do that our parents did, our Christian beliefs, and how we order our lives according to the Bible, the importance of raising our own food, why I like to cook (we talked lots about food actually! as I love to cook!), what hobbys we enjoy, what we do together as a couple, our views on education (home-schooling), who has the final word in our house (my husband), the differences between the U.S. and Australia, how we met, how finances are handled, how we'd feel about having a child of a different racial background, and would it worry us being perceived as different, how to handle nosy questions about adopted children, the importance of protecting the privacy of adoptive childrens in regard to their backgrounds and birth-families, why we decided to adopt, how does our extended family feel about the adoption, the one thing I think I'll never let my children do (eat at McDonalds!), what age children and how many we would consider, what physical or mental disabilities we'd consider.

The absolute only thing she suggested we might change is the barrel we keep under the watertank to catch the overflow, as it's small enough for a toddler to fall into. We were very open with her on everything, as we wanted the home-study to reflect who we really are, and not what the agency might think we should be.


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## Edward (Feb 25, 2013)

What kind of home we grew up in; parenting and discipline styles of our parents; home safety issues; dogs as a subset of home safety.Educational plans and expectations as to the child.

Since we weren't parents, a lot of it was asking her for suggestions - the fact that we didn't think that we had all the answers seemed to go over really well with her.


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## A Tulip Not a Daisy (Feb 25, 2013)

My hat is off to you for considering adoption. My cousin adopted 7 children of varying racial backgrounds. Whew....made me tired just to say that. Also, my husband is adopted. God bless you!


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## KMK (Feb 25, 2013)

Truly, they are not judging whether you are worthy. They are getting as much info as possible so they can do the best job possible at matching the right children with right families. Just be honest and forthcoming. It helps them to do their job.


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## Pergamum (Feb 25, 2013)

We have wanted to adopt for awhile, but keep getting blocked (paperwork, they had said in the past we didn't make enough, then that a home visit would be impossible, etc). We cannot believe it is this hard to try to help someone.


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## KMK (Feb 25, 2013)

Pergamum said:


> We cannot believe it is this hard to try to help someone.



You ain't seen nothin' yet. Wait until you meet the bio-parents.


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## Pergamum (Feb 25, 2013)

In an embarrassing turn of events. I just sent the social worker who is coming on a home visit next month my latest prayer letter. I just opened another thread on the PB about what happened to this latest missionary prayer letter:

http://www.puritanboard.com/f103/ultimate-missionary-prayer-letter-embarrassment-78068/#post989801


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## Pergamum (Feb 26, 2013)

Our home study is scheduled for April 5 and 6th at our home on the coast here.

We have no car seats to pick her up at the extremely Third World airport and on the road back to our house drunks sometimes bother us and try to stop our car. Also, our home does not yet have smoke detectors.

What will she be looking for, and will she understand that we live in the Third World? 

Also, pray that we would be able to find the fee for the home study by that time.

Again, if anyone can help us prepare for possible questions, etc, let me know.


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