# Finding a wife!



## Reformed Covenanter (Jul 20, 2007)

I hope this thread is appropriate, but I was wondering (on average) how difficult is it for a man to find a wife in American Reformed churches? Over here it is virtually impossible - I am 25 and have no hope of getting married in the near future.


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## Theoretical (Jul 20, 2007)

Depending on how spiritually starved the region of the U.S. you are in is, I'd say fair to atrocious chances. In my region (North Texas), right in the heart of DTS-land and the Bible belt, there are a fair number of Presbyterian churches, but very few are strongly confessional. Most Christian women in this area are Arminian Baptist or non-denominational. Other regions may differ, but the Bible Belt isn't necessarily helpful at all.


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## Coram Deo (Jul 20, 2007)

Reformed Baptist Single Conferences are Great and across the country in different regions.....

That is how I met my wife......


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## VaughanRSmith (Jul 20, 2007)

I outsourced, got a Baptist, and we got reformed together. My wife wasn't reformed at all when we met (well, neither was I really), but knew that the theology of our old Baptist church was a bit iffy. Maybe the best approach is to look out not for just reformed women, but women who have a thirst for good, Biblical knowledge.


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## JohnV (Jul 20, 2007)

I sometimes have difficulty finding my wife in our own home. I know she's around, but I can't find her. It happens when we're talking while we're each doing things, moving about the house. It's not a problem at church, because either she's got the keys to the car or I do, so neither of us is going anywhere without the other. If we can't find each other, we at least have the comfort of knowing that we can do no worse than be the last ones to leave.


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## Herald (Jul 20, 2007)

> I outsourced...


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## Reformed Covenanter (Jul 21, 2007)

I wondered how long it would take for someone to make these wise-cracks!!



But seriously, thanks for the help.


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## Semper Fidelis (Jul 21, 2007)

One of these days I'm going to start a thread about arranged marriages. It was really interesting talking to a man at Rev. Winzer's Church with 6 beautiful daughters. One of his first questions was: "Do you know any Godly men." He wasn't joking. I also think his question was a legitimate one.


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## Reformed Covenanter (Jul 21, 2007)

Arranged marriages would probably be better than the dating system. Moreover, its worked better than the system in the west, as such couples tend to stay together.


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## Raj (Jul 21, 2007)

*Made in India!*

How about having an Indian ? Where marrieges are mostly arranged. See the girl first in the family, talk to her, write her etc and then if both of you agree, then the family and Pastor okays.

Want to try brother?


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## Craig (Jul 21, 2007)

Stay off the internet and put yourself in situations where you are more likely to meet a godly woman...don't know where that would be for you.

I met my wife in college (a Christian college).

One of our elders has had a Friday night bible study for about 30 years...there have been MANY marriages that came from that...and he met his wife that way as well.

If none of these thoughts spark anything, you can always woo them with talks of theology and your rock-hard abs.


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## Herald (Jul 21, 2007)

You can always do what I did. I met my wife at a good dispensational bible college where most of the women were looking to become pastors wives. You can reform them later once you get hitched.


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## Herald (Jul 21, 2007)

Oh...how could I forget?! The CoB (Church of Bawb) has a matchmaking service. Life made simple.


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## Kevin (Jul 21, 2007)

Exagorazo said:


> I outsourced, got a Baptist, and we got reformed together. My wife wasn't reformed at all when we met (well, neither was I really), but knew that the theology of our old Baptist church was a bit iffy. Maybe the best approach is to look out not for just reformed women, but women who have a thirst for good, Biblical knowledge.


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## LadyCalvinist (Jul 21, 2007)

I became born again at 31 and I've been looking for a godly, reformed husband ever since. At my old PCA church we had a singles group and a number of marriages did come out of that but I was older than nearly all of the men and so nothing happened for me. I'm over 40 and I'm still looking, so it's not just men that have a hard time with this.


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## BJClark (Jul 21, 2007)

Daniel Ritchie;

Our church offers small group bible studies for singles, one for singles between 18 and 25, and another one for older singles. They meet once a week for the Bible study and then get together at other times for various activities.

Does your church offer anything like that? Or would they consider starting one?

Maybe explain to your pastor how difficult it is meeting women in your area who have the same beliefs as you do, and ask if they would consider starting a small group just for singles, something where not only the men could grow spiritually but the women as well..and it could be used as an outreach for inviting other singles into your congregation.


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## Timothy William (Jul 21, 2007)

SemperFideles said:


> One of these days I'm going to start a thread about arranged marriages. It was really interesting talking to a man at Rev. Winzer's Church with 6 beautiful daughters. One of his first questions was: "Do you know any Godly men." He wasn't joking. I also think his question was a legitimate one.



What, you mean the Puritan Board doesn't already operate as a marriage arrangement service? I think I joined up on false pretenses. 

On a more serious note, another board I post on has had several marriages of people who met on the board. One notable trend has been the number of couples who lived on different continents before they met online, then met IRL and were married. Of course that board has a far more even male:female ratio than this one.


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## Reformed Covenanter (Jul 21, 2007)

Bobbi

We don't have enough single people to do that, but thanks for the idea.


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## QueenEsther (Jul 21, 2007)

Wait on the Lord.


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## Semper Fidelis (Jul 21, 2007)

Seriously, some of you guys reveal your rose-colored glasses with respect to the landscape assuming everywhere else must be just like where you're located.

America is the most Church nation among developed nation per capita. No other country comes even close. You're probably not catching for Daniel the fact that it is not very easy, where he is from, to find even a nice Baptist girl.

Thus, try to think of advice that can actually be executed on in his situation.

By the way, Daniel, there were two men in one my former congregations that, from the standpoint of the flesh, might never have gotten married because our Church was so small. God ended up providing them wives through two completely different directions but they were both cases where the fathers knew them and approached them from outside the congregation.

Reactions: Sad 1


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## Nse007 (Jul 21, 2007)

Daniel,

First of all I think this is an excellent question. I just got married about two months ago and I met my wife at a so called "reformed" mega-church. Some may disagree with this, but I went soley to meet people my age (the church I was a member of at the time had no other singles my age) and to meet a girl. I agree with Bill in that you can reform during and after courtship. My wife came from a Non-denom background with praise choruses and such and now is singing psalms with me and covering her head in worship. To God be all glory. To make it simple, marry "in the Lord" and slowly love them into being reformed...


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## Reformed Covenanter (Jul 21, 2007)

Thanks for the encouragements brothers.


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## Puritan Sailor (Jul 21, 2007)

Daniel Ritchie said:


> I hope this thread is appropriate, but I was wondering (on average) how difficult is it for a man to find a wife in American Reformed churches? Over here it is virtually impossible - I am 25 and have no hope of getting married in the near future.




You could just post a thread saying " 25yo Reformed male looking for Reformed helpmeet, desperate!" 

But on a more serious note, talk to your pastor and see if he can speak to other pastors or elders in the region who may have available young women in their congregations.


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## Ivan (Jul 21, 2007)

Puritan Sailor said:


> But on a more serious note, talk to your pastor and see if he can speak to other pastors or elders in the region who may have available young women in their congregations.



Excellent suggestion!


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## Reformed Covenanter (Jul 22, 2007)

Patrick

I don't have a pastor; our congregation has been vacant for the last 18 months.


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## Mayflower (Jul 22, 2007)

Raj said:


> How about having an Indian ? Where marrieges are mostly arranged. See the girl first in the family, talk to her, write her etc and then if both of you agree, then the family and Pastor okays.
> 
> Want to try brother?




Iam from the Netherlands, was 6 months in India, and through the parents of me wife i got in contact with my wife Reena. We got married in Rischikesh (N-India). Praise God for the wonderfull gift of sending me my wondering godfearing and loverly wife and disciple of Jesus Christ!!!!!

Dear Daniel, there are alot of reformed women here in the Netherlands!!!!


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## BJClark (Jul 22, 2007)

Daniel Ritchie;



> We don't have enough single people to do that, but thanks for the idea.



Not enough single people in your town at all that you could invite to a Bible study? Or just not in your congregation?

What about surrounding towns?


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## Reformed Covenanter (Jul 22, 2007)

Bobbi

I am not sure an evangelistic Bible study for the purpose of finding a spouse is a good idea.

Ralph

I will have to visit the Netherlands.


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## Puritan Sailor (Jul 22, 2007)

Daniel Ritchie said:


> Patrick
> 
> I don't have a pastor; our congregation has been vacant for the last 18 months.



You have elders though don't you? Do they ever meet for presbytery? They have to know some other church elders who can at least give you some leads.


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## RamistThomist (Jul 22, 2007)

Lark news used to have some classifieds. I can't find them, though.


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## 5solasmom (Jul 22, 2007)

JohnV said:


> I sometimes have difficulty finding my wife in our own home. I know she's around, but I can't find her. It happens when we're talking while we're each doing things, moving about the house. It's not a problem at church, because either she's got the keys to the car or I do, so neither of us is going anywhere without the other. If we can't find each other, we at least have the comfort of knowing that we can do no worse than be the last ones to leave.





I must have been missing the humor around these parts all this time, because I've just been roaring at several recent posts lately! 

I think maybe it had to do with spending to much time in the baptism forum.


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## calgal (Jul 22, 2007)

Daniel Ritchie said:


> Bobbi
> 
> I am not sure an evangelistic Bible study for the purpose of finding a spouse is a good idea.
> 
> ...



Most larger churches here have a young singles group called College and Careers which is for singles to hopefully meet and marry.  In fact, these groups can be a good way to make friends your age even if you do not find your wife there. And friends have friends who have sisters......


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## JohnOwen007 (Aug 22, 2007)

Dear Daniel,

With an avatar of Greg Bahnsen, who could turn you down?

Other than that I have no advice because I'm in my 40s and still single. But I must say I'm very content, and know that a spouse can't give me the satisfaction that only Christ gives me. It's magnificent! Plus the spare time means I can read lots of theology, and surf great waves!

God bless brother.


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## Reformed Covenanter (Aug 22, 2007)

Marty

Yes, but 'it is not good for man to be alone'


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## BJClark (Aug 22, 2007)

Daniel Ritchie;




> I am not sure an evangelistic Bible study for the purpose of finding a spouse is a good idea.



Why not? 

Don't some of the men in your area have friends or cousins even in other towns they could introduce you to?

If you started a Single men's bible study, young women would begin to show up at church....single women also inquire as to where single men go..and if you had a Single mens Bible study--then the single women would begin to come..

If your church started a single's ministry or singles bible study..singles of both sexes would start coming...and whether you would meet your future wife there, or else where, your church would still be reaching out to a group of people training them up in the Lord..

Many churches offer childrens or youth ministries, so why not one with the name "Singles Ministry"?

I went to a church that started a "Single Parents" Sunday school class, they taught the same thing as other sunday school classes, the only difference was the people happened to be single parents. The class has grown from some 20 people the first year to over 100 people in the class, last I heard they grew to have two single parents sunday school class because the need was so great. I was in the class the first year, and stayed in the class for 4 years, so why not look to see the benefits of starting a class even titled "Single Adults Ministries" or "Single Adults Sunday School Class" and invite other singles you know to come check it out...and then watch God work to grow it..


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## matt01 (Aug 22, 2007)

BJClark said:


> Many churches offer childrens or youth ministries, so why not one with the name "Singles Ministry"?



Many churches offer a coffee ministry or some fill-in-the blank ministry; why not just have a service and Sunday school where everyone is able to gather and hear the Word of God together? The fragmenting of the church leads to people cleaving to groups, rather than the church as a whole.


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## JohnOwen007 (Aug 23, 2007)

Daniel Ritchie said:


> Yes, but 'it is not good for man to be alone'



Yes, indeed, there are the problems that singleness brings, one of them being loneliness. However, there are whole swag of problems that marriages and family brings.

Our culture subtly gives us the message that we can't be content until we're married. That, of course, is idolatry because it's only Christ that gives us contentment (or "complacency" as John Owen puts it). The apostle Paul knew contentment, even when hungry (Phil. 4:11-12). It's not good to be hungry, but it's not a block to contentment. Food can't give that. Neither can marriage, even though its a good gift from God.

One of my experiences as a single person of many years, is the pressure in the Church community (which I don't get amongst non-Christians) to feel somewhat incomplete or illegitimate if you're single. However, as Paul said, singleness can entail a devotion to God which is not possible in marriage (1 Cor. 7:32-34).

Singleness is no bar to contentment, because that can only be found in God. The best preparation for marriage is learning contentment in Christ alone. Marriage doesn't give contentment, but two contented people (in Christ) make a great marriage.

God bless you brother.


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