# What do you do with a crying/screaming 3-4 month old?



## Romans922

I am hoping for differing opinions and reasons of doing some from posting this.

We have a 3 1/2 month year old son. After 3 months, he started being really fussy. He sleeps pretty good through the night, feeds regularly. In the past week he has up-ed his feedings from 6-7/day to 8-10/day (breast-fed). He is really good, quite or having a fun time, smiling, etc. right after he feeds, but usually after 30 or so minutes, he starts crying (if I'm holding him). And I can do everything and nothing will calm him down. What he wants is his mom to hold him. And when that happens, he calms down, or my wife calms him down by feeding him. 

Is this the time to start disciplining him, knowing that he is not hungry for sure, do we let him cry himself out (for, what i think will be over an hour of crying)? Would any one consider this 'child abuse', I've heard this before? 

Or do we continue in the path we are going, where my wife comforts him, every time he cries? 

I ask because there are differing opinions. All our doctors or any medical professional we've talked to has said that he should be comforted. Books written by parents, parents in our church have stated that we just need to let him cry because he is throwing an infant version of a temper tantrum (he wants his way right now, or else...).

What do you think, why, how can you help me and my family and any one else experiencing the same thing?


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## fredtgreco

Andrew,

I don't think you can "discipline" a three month old. I don't think the cognitive capacity for discipline is there. You can, however, work with an expected response by letting him cry it out.

We used _some _of the principles the book Babywise to help inculcate those principles. Babywise is not perfect (there are some significant things to be aware of) but with common sense, I think the idea of not having the family revolve around the baby is a sound one.

For example, I kind of cringed at Dena's FB post where she had to leave a time out because of Oliver's extreme fussing. Cringed not because I was critical of you all, but because I know how hard it is for a mom to get out, and how hard it is on a dad to deal with a difficult baby situation.

I hope this helps.


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## Puritan Sailor

Could be gas too, especially since it's after feeding. Just a thought. Check out mom's diet and make sure there's no gassy foods there. Try some gas drops. 

Also, when my son started getting collicky from 3-9 months. The only thing I could do to soothe him was to walk up and down the hall. 

Just consider all the options...


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## matt01

Romans922 said:


> I am hoping for differing opinions and reasons of doing some from posting this.
> 
> We have a 3 1/2 month year old son. After 3 months, he started being really fussy. He sleeps pretty good through the night, feeds regularly. In the past week he has up-ed his feedings from 6-7/day to 8-10/day (breast-fed). He is really good, quite or having a fun time, smiling, etc. right after he feeds, but usually after 30 or so minutes, he starts crying (if I'm holding him). And I can do everything and nothing will calm him down. What he wants is his mom to hold him. And when that happens, he calms down, or my wife calms him down by feeding him.



Continuing to give him what he wants (his mother holding him) every time he cries, will reinforce in his mind that crying = getting what he wants. I don't think discipline would do a lot of good, as he probably isn't going to understand what you are doing. Letting him cry out would be the better option, and it certainly won't hurt him.

Both of our daughters have similar behaviour at some point along the way.


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## Romans922

Gas is coming out nice and with great bowel movements  I thin but I'll ask Dena. 

Trying to consider all the options, and make a decision for our family. Seeking wisdom before I make my decision.

-----Added 8/25/2009 at 04:57:22 EST-----

I've heard that letting him cry it out is a form of child abuse. They have the view that the child needs something, that's why he is crying, to not meet that need is abuse (of some kind).


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## toddpedlar

Puritan Sailor said:


> Could be gas too, especially since it's after feeding. Just a thought. Check out mom's diet and make sure there's no gassy foods there. Try some gas drops.



For the baby of course. 



> Also, when my son started getting collicky from 3-9 months. The only thing I could do to soothe him was to walk up and down the hall.
> 
> Just consider all the options...



As a father of four girls, I've had my share of trying to deal with inconsolable babies - they all had times in their little lives in which they would not happily spend time with Dad, and let me tell you that tears at the heart - as you well know. So the hardest thing to do is to simply sit there (or walk - I paced and rocked back and forth a LOT) and let your child cry while you hold him. I got better at this as children came and grew out of this stage, but at the time, especially the first, it was HARD to simply do nothing.

The detriment of allowing Dena to feed him every time he is inconsolable is hard to quantify.. but it's real. You don't want him learning that a) Mom gives him what he wants if he just cries hard and long enough and b) that consolation comes only in that particular form. One of the best things he can learn is that Dad is able to hold him and care for him such that he realizes that it's okay. 

Youv'e got some good advice above. One of the hardest things for me to learn early on was that when I was charged with caring for Abigail (our oldest, now nearly 9) was that I had to give every ounce of attention to helping her calm down and remain calm. That seems like a no-brainer, but you dont' want to breed resentment in yourself when you're trying to do the right thing and give Dena an hour or two break, and at the same time get angry with your son because you can't think straight. You won't be able to, at least at first... and you have to let go of that desire to do anything but help your son out. Not saying this is what you're doing, just relating my own experience in our first child's case. (and second, and third, and fourth, having to relearn it every time, though relearning got easier).


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## toddpedlar

Romans922 said:


> Gas is coming out nice and with great bowel movements  I thin but I'll ask Dena.
> 
> Trying to consider all the options, and make a decision for our family. Seeking wisdom before I make my decision.
> 
> -----Added 8/25/2009 at 04:57:22 EST-----
> 
> I've heard that letting him cry it out is a form of child abuse. They have the view that the child needs something, that's why he is crying, to not meet that need is abuse (of some kind).



The unbalanced meeting of needs of this sort (answering every cry with milk), actually, is more abusive than not meeting it, In my humble opinion. The push to meet every "need" (put in quotes on purpose) is what, in my opinion, has resulted in our fat nation and a generation of children who cannot deal with rejection or not getting their way.


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## fredtgreco

Romans922 said:


> I've heard that letting him cry it out is a form of child abuse. They have the view that the child needs something, that's why he is crying, to not meet that need is abuse (of some kind).



This is crazy talk.


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## Berean

Puritan Sailor said:


> Just consider all the options...









Take 2 of these for a brief respite.


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## matt01

Romans922 said:


> I've heard that letting him cry it out is a form of child abuse. They have the view that the child needs something, that's why he is crying, to not meet that need is abuse (of some kind).



Nonsense. Even our GP, who is a bit of a nut, argues that babies can cry for over an hour with nothing being wrong. I think I read something about the crying increasing lung capacity...


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## JennyG

" parents in our church have stated that we just need to let him cry because he is throwing an infant version of a temper tantrum (he wants his way right now, or else)"

He's too little to be that manipulative. he cries not because he thinks it'll get him his way, but just because right now he's not happy - that's really as much as he's capable of formulating at that age. You're safe to follow God-given instinct and comfort him. Later, when he's old enough to realise what it means, you can gently begin to teach him that he can't always have what he wants.
The long term answer to "what to do with a screaming 3-4 month old" is,
Hang in there - it gets better! Autre temps, autre problemes!!!


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## Joseph Scibbe

> I've heard that letting him cry it out is a form of child abuse. They have the view that the child needs something, that's why he is crying, to not meet that need is abuse (of some kind).



Rubbish. A baby often cries because they want attention. Plus at your childs age the baby often can not comprehend anything it does not see... "if mom/dad is not visible they no longer exist" and they are afraid. It is not child abuse but a good practice. To coddle the baby every time it cries is actually going to create a pattern that anytime I want something I get it.


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## Backwoods Presbyterian

Berean said:


> Puritan Sailor said:
> 
> 
> 
> Just consider all the options...
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> Take 2 of these for a brief respite.
Click to expand...


No lie. I used ear plugs when my youngest was 3-6 months during her worst crying times. It helped me a lot to keep me calm and focused, especially when you are in a tiny apartment.


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## Idelette

I don't believe that letting a baby cry is child abuse. If you've exhausted all other avenues (feeding, burping, cleaning, making sure there's no gas, etc.) then there is nothing wrong with the child physically....its just that the baby prefers the comfort of mom (which is what it sounds like in the OP).

You may want to try some methods to transition from mom to dad. For example, mom shouldn't hold the baby all day long, but allow the baby to be on its own at times. Also, mom can pump some milk and let dad feed once in a while. Also, you can try holding the baby while its wrapped in its mother's tee-shirt (anything that smells like her). This will help the baby get accustomed to dad as well. 

Btw, I don't believe its too early to discipline.....I've known parents that started discipline while the baby was in the womb!


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## Joseph Scibbe

> Btw, I don't believe its too early to discipline.....I've known parents that started discipline while the baby was in the womb!



How does that work?


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## Berean

Backwoods Presbyterian said:


> Berean said:
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> 
> 
> 
> 
> Puritan Sailor said:
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> Just consider all the options...
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> Take 2 of these for a brief respite.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> No lie. I used ear plugs when my youngest was 3-6 months during her worst crying times. It helped me a lot to keep me calm and focused, especially when you are in a tiny apartment.
Click to expand...


Seriously. Incessant crying and screaming can send your blood pressure and your sanity through the roof. The baby won't know you're wearing them.


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## Idelette

Unashamed 116 said:


> Btw, I don't believe its too early to discipline.....I've known parents that started discipline while the baby was in the womb!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> How does that work?
Click to expand...


LOL! I had a feeling that someone would ask! For example, if a baby is kicking into the mother's rib cage, the mom presses hard against that direction letting the baby know not to do that.


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## toddpedlar

In His Grip said:


> Unashamed 116 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Btw, I don't believe its too early to discipline.....I've known parents that started discipline while the baby was in the womb!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> How does that work?
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> LOL! I had a feeling that someone would ask! For example, if a baby is kicking into the mother's rib cage, the mom presses hard against that direction letting the baby know not to do that.
Click to expand...


My wife tried that with one of ours, and it became a game... i.e. don't try it, folks, unless you're willing for your unborn child to start playing "flipper" with your ribs (as we used to call it)


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## Marrow Man

I suspect we will find out the answer to this question in about 10 months (thank you, LORD!).


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## Iconoclast

It could be alot of gas, hold the baby high up on your shoulder and rub their back, you might be surprised at how much gas can be there.
Keep an eye out for ear infections, or even the beginning of teething pains.
They sell products to rub on their gums. It hurts when the teeth start to come in.
The baby sounds a bit young for the manipulation thing.


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## toddpedlar

Actually, Andrew, have you ever tried the 'football hold'? That was a prettly calming position for all my girls at about the 3-4 month stage, whether they had gas (for which it was REALLY helpful) or not.


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## Jon Peters

We have four children and have used the Ezzo method with one of them. I cannot be as generous as Fed, I think the program stinks. I also disagree with those who say to feeding when she cries is a form of abuse and is bad. It's not. Remember, this is a BABY. The baby needs his mom; that's a good thing.

We have tried a lot of different things with our children. By far the most relaxing and enjoyable method for both mom and dad was comforting the baby and not letting him cry. 

By the way, our second (now almost 8) cried for 5 months straight. Nothing calmed her down except her swing, and that didn't work all of the time. You need to be flexible. If scheduling and letting the baby cry works for you and the baby responds, then use that method. But don't be afraid to adapt and figure things out for yourself.


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## Montanablue

I'm not a parent, but I was the caretaker for my cousin's children when she was ill, so I do have some experience with young kids. (an infant and a three year old.)

Whatever you do, please don't physically punish a child this young. I know some people think its a good idea, but as others have noted, your baby just doesn't have the cognitive ability to understand what he is being punished for. Letting the baby cry itself out _as long as you have ensured that he's not hungry or in some type of pain_ is, I think, perfectly fine. My parents did this with us and I did it with my cousin's extremely fussy baby. Letting the baby cry and cry though can really tire you out and make you stressed and angry - so sometimes comforting is the better option. 

I'll be in prayer for you and your wife. I know this can be a really stressful and sleepless time. I hope it passes quickly!


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## JBaldwin

This has already been said in so many words, but it's possible that as the baby has grown, you may need to change your method of holding him. Or it's possible that after you've held him for 30 minutes, he is getting tired of being held?

The swing is also a good solution. Our oldest did much better when we put her in the swing when she got fussy. As it turns out, she is the child who needs to be up and moving all the time.


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## TimV

Sometimes crying is just a kid's sinful nature coming out, and some are lots worse than others. One of ours would cry for no reason and not stop. Following the advice we got at one of those big Reformed churches where everyone has a dozen kids, we (at three months) took turns blowing into his nose from a few inches away, which would stop the crying and when he started up again we'd lightly slap his leg with a wooden spoon, so he would associate the pain with his crying. It took three days, but that was it. The first day it took about 20 minutes, the next about 5 and the next just a few minutes. He totally stopped with the colicky stuff. He was the only one we had to do it with.


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## Semper Fidelis

Much too early to discipline. You can start "shhing" him but he might be in pain.

With all my kids (who have been breastfed) there have been gas problems.

I learned, after James, how to resolve the problem with my kids and it might help you.

I lay the infant on my legs in front of me and take there legs and push them back into their chest. After a bit of a struggle, they will cry a bit and it will force a lot of gas out of them. They don't quite like the process but, afterwards, the gas in their intestines is relieved and they are much more content.


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## kvanlaan

There's nothing wrong with letting them cry it out for a while. Most of those who talk about letting them cry it out as being 'child abuse' have 'well adusted' children that are disrespectful, disobedient, and willfully rebellious in almost all things, but there are plenty of sociologically fancy words to explain those traits away.

We've had all sorts thus far and there is no standard rule here.


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## PuritanCovenanter

Jon Peters said:


> We have four children and have used the Ezzo method with one of them. I cannot be as generous as Fred, I think the program stinks. I also disagree with those who say to feeding when she cries is a form of abuse and is bad. It's not. Remember, this is a BABY. The baby needs his mom; that's a good thing.
> 
> We have tried a lot of different things with our children. By far the most relaxing and enjoyable method for both mom and dad was comforting the baby and not letting him cry.
> 
> By the way, our second (now almost 8) cried for 5 months straight. Nothing calmed her down except her swing, and that didn't work all of the time. You need to be flexible. If scheduling and letting the baby cry works for you and the baby responds, then use that method. But don't be afraid to adapt and figure things out for yourself.



I have seen Growing Kids God's Way in action and it was terrible. It is as unsound as I can express. I have seen small babies with no comprehension spanked. It was horrible. And I am not convinced that it did anything for the kids and I am definitely sure the instruction taken from the Ezzo book did harm the parental view of the Mothers and Fathers I seen influenced by this teaching.

What's Wrong with Growing Kids God's Way

Ezzo.info: Evaluating Ezzo Programs Including Babywise and Growing Kids God's Way

Phillp Ryken on Ezzo's
Ezzo


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## Honor

when my four year old was that age he sarted to cry for hours... nothing but me would consol him... everyone told me I was "spoiling him" I would hold him while he cried for what seemed like an eternity.... after this continued for a month my husband and I were starting to fight ( he said let the baby cry I said no way) I took him to the dr. after exentsive testing they found out that he was allergic to calcium enzimes. it's weird and not as common as being allergic to just milk. we had to cut out all dairy and dairy by products out of my and his diet. after a week there was a dramatic improvement. and six months later his stomache grew the nessisary stuff where now he has dairy just fine. My point is.... babies this young have only one way of communication. I highly doubt that this is the baby manipulating you. especially if it's after feeding. something could be wrong. I would get a copy of Dunston Baby Lauguage and before he starts into the full blown screaming listen to the sounds he making. Get a copy on ebay for like $25.00. then listen to your baby. My husband was racked with guilt because if we would have let him cry it out he would be allergic to this day. Not to mention the fact that he was in pain. I am all for letting a baby cry it out when it's bed time and you know that they can sleep through the night but you're not even to that stage yet. Please listen to all the advice you get here and then alway err on the side of compassion. I think that disipline should be reserved for willful disobediance. this isn't the case.


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## BertMulder

Just wondering, since feeding consoles him....

Is he getting enough? Does mom have enough milk for him

(as father to 8, and husband to wife who often run dry after 3 months...)

that is my take....


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## Albatross

Remember, he cries, in part, because he cannot talk. Too bad, though, they don't stop crying when they start talking. It is far too early to discipline as he has no comprehension of cause and effect. In other words, "if I cry, then I am left in this crib, so I'll stop crying."

Our almost 4 year old daughter cried quite a bit after feedings. After discussions with our pediatrician we started her on acid reflux medicine. That helped tremendously and thankfully wasn't something she had to stay on.


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## JoyFullMom

I am another who has major issues with the Ezzo's. I am a poster child for everything they think will ruin your kids....and I have a houseful of very good kids, none of whom still want me to hold them, nurse them, rock them, or lay down with them when they need a nap. LOL!  They are all as respectful and obedient as I can expect for their ages.  (They range from 18-4)

I have experienced the same as Jessica. True gastro issues, that when resolved, changed everything. 

I *do* understand the fussy baby. My second was that way for several months. She was a very needy baby. We tried to meet those needs, but I want to reassure you that when YOU feel frustrated, if you *know* basic needs have been met....it is better for you to put them safely in the bed and walk out and calm yourself, than to continue to let frustration mount. Babies sense that and it just starts a vicious cycle. (I should add that at age 13, she is a very independant, pleasant young lady. My meeting her needs of being held and comforted by mom for those months did not in any way convince her that she ruled the house  )

I cannot say enough about prayer. God made THIS child and placed this child with YOU. There have been many times that I feel the Lord just gave us wisdom in how to deal with each individual child, at each age. There may be something medical behind it, there may not. Some kids are needier than others. I think it's wonderful that you are willing to sacrifice a few hours with your crying baby and let your wife get out. My husband was the same way and it helped me to be refreshed and renewed and keep my sanity during some tough months. It is the ultimate laying down your life for your wife and not many men are willing to do that because they feel they cannot do anything to *fix* this child. 

-----Added 8/26/2009 at 09:10:45 EST-----

I want to add, there *is* a place for not allowing crying...when they are a bit older. When we started training for behavior...and some were around 6 months because they were mobile *quickly*...I began to *also* train them to not cry and cry in protest after correction. But 3 months is too early in my opinion.


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## JDKetterman

With my Son, I started doing the airplane (football position) with him when he was about 3 months. It actually calmed him down a lot. When I pretty much exhausted everything such as changing his diaper, feeding him, or just getting some attention etc and that doesn't work, I would just let him cry it out.


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## JoyFullMom

Yes, and the *football* hold for nursing can be helpful if there *are* gastro issues.


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## Semper Fidelis

Anthony mentioned something and this just struck me.

It's likely teething. With the need for feeding constantly and the sudden crying, I'm guessing that's it.

All of my kids had their first teeth around that age.

Try some infant Tylenol and Ambesol.


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## Marrow Man

What is this "football hold" of which thou speakest?


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## LawrenceU

Football hold: The baby is face down. His head is in your palm, body along the top of the inside of your forearm, legs along side of the forearm. Or, you can orient the baby 180 degrees from that. They seem to have preferences. 

http://video.about.com/babyparenting/The-Football-Hold-for-Babies.htm

Just don't forget to tuck him and cradle with both arms if you are heading into a tackler.


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## Marrow Man

And don't spike him/her.


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## Albatross

Marrow Man said:


> And don't spike him/her.



Agreed, but the Heisman pose is definitely required.


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## JoyFullMom

The football hold for nursing involves placing the baby at your side, under your arm and nursing them in a more *upright* position. It is hard to describe. I'm sure there are books and online sites where she can *see* the position. It helps with gastro issues.

Diet *is* a very real thing. Elimination is the only real way to discover if that is a factor. It is really a pain to work through! LOL!

-----Added 8/26/2009 at 10:48:10 EST-----

Oh, and sometimes, putting a soft quilt on the top of the dryer, and then lying baby on it on his/her belly and then running the dryer works WONDERS! The warmth and vibration and *white noise* can be soothing to them. Of course, don't leave them alone...and I don't recommend it with *stack* systems. (giggle)


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## Romans922

BertMulder said:


> Just wondering, since feeding consoles him....
> 
> Is he getting enough? Does mom have enough milk for him
> 
> (as father to 8, and husband to wife who often run dry after 3 months...)
> 
> that is my take....



Yes, he is getting plenty. He is a fat little bundle of crying joy!


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## BertMulder

But...

How is his weight gain?

Babies that age can be fat little bundles, and still not be getting enough....


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## Romans922

BertMulder said:


> But...
> 
> How is his weight gain?
> 
> Babies that age can be fat little bundles, and still not be getting enough....



Don't know, is going to doctor at beginning of September for 4 mo checkup.


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## PuritanCovenanter

My oldest Daniel was 14 lbs by the end of the first and couldn't get enough feeding from his mother. We had to move early to baby foods and other things than most kids do. He is 6'3" now and 200 lbs at age 18. He always was a head taller than his class mates. 

He was a rounder but not getting enough when he was only 1 month. So don't necessarily eliminate that. If I remember correctly we started giving him rice and baby food from baby jars so young it amazed everyone. His stomach handled it also.

P.S. teething is usually accompanied by a slight fever.


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## OPC'n

My pastor and his wife use the book "Train Up A Child" and they are having excellent success with their children!! They don't even have to "child proof" their home!!! Of course, there are some crazy parts to the book you have to overlook but the book deals with training a child so that you don't have to discipline the child as much. Much like how you would train a dog....sounds crude but when children are born they have a clean slate as it were and how you train the child is what kind of mannered child you will get. ALL children are trained....it's just a matter of "are you going to train them to be obedient or train them to get their own way". You can PM me if you're interested in getting the book.


Edit: and they start when the child is a few months old!!

-----Added 8/26/2009 at 06:04:56 EST-----

Actually my pastor's wife was just on FB and she gave me the info so here it is if you want it. Now, remember that there's some junk in the book (you can basically rip out chapter 2) that you should disregard but overall it's really good. 

To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl. I think you can buy it on their website No Greater Joy Ministries - Family Magazine, Child Training Articles, Homeschooling Tips, Marriage Resources, Good & Evil Picture Bible, Bible Teaching audio and more from Michael and Debi Pearl for less than $4.


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## Semper Fidelis

BTW, Andrew, thanks for being such a good sport about all the advice. Sometimes it can be a bit annoying. Nobody knows your kid like you do and so I hope you take my own experiences as a data point and not necessarily normative. I don't put the "Raising Kids God's Way" seal on any advice I offer.


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## jwithnell

Someone mentioned teething, this came to my mind too -- and nursing will put pressure on the gums and offer some pain relief, so Mom's nursing might be a help in more ways that one. 

There could be other physical problems too -- make sure Mom is getting rest (yeah, right!) and that her diet is really bolstered. The kiddo is growing fast and is getting more active and all that energy needs to come from somewhere. 

And, sadly, this is often a common age for the onset of colic.

Even if it is teething, it's a good idea to be adapting the baby to a good schedule at this point, so try to stick to a routine, and try teething rings (the kind that can be refrigerated) and teething gel and even running your finger along the gums. (Would you have imagined a few months ago getting advice to stick your finger in someone else's mouth? Welcome to parenthood!)

Oh, and don't think you'll be visiting your kid in jail in 15 years if you make the wrong call on this one (or the next, or the one after that). Yes, we have an awesome responsibility before God in rearing our children, but often with babies a lot of patience and a good sense of humor will go a long way.

For colic, there is a "alternative" product on the market called GripeWater that has a loyal following. I'd check with your pediatrician first. And there were times I reached for the gas drops when I ran out of all other ideas (and in our case, I think it helped, due to the kids having some food sensitivities from my diet).


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## JennyG

I'm intrigued to see Gripe Water classified as "alternative". I'm sure in Britain it was a nursery standard in my mum's/grandma's day. Do you suppose it can have become alternative simply by pre-dating e-numbers and remaining in existence?


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## Leslie

Check the kid's anus for pinworms. They are white lines, about 1/2 cm long, as thin as a fine needle. It could be that feeding consoles him because it distracts him.


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## Romans922

Pinworms, interesting, I'll check!


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## Berean

Romans922 said:


> Pinworms, interesting, I'll check!



Be sure and let us know what you find.


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## turmeric

Berean said:


> Romans922 said:
> 
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> Pinworms, interesting, I'll check!
> 
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> 
> Be sure and let us know what you find.
Click to expand...

 
No pics, please!


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## CatherineL

My advice as a mom of 3 - A baby that young will want mom, will want to nurse. Its very likely he's going through a growth spurt, or teething, or just needs mom. He's a baby - don't read manipulation into baby cries at this age. Trust me, you will KNOW it when he throws his first real fit (for my three its been around 10-12 months). At this age, babies don't relate to dad the same way. They often want to nurse more than the books say. You won't spoil him, you'll establish a strong relationship and a sense of security. Try to see behind his eyes. Everything is so new to a baby that age - its surely scary sometimes. My kids were nursed when they acted like they wanted to, held often, carried in a sling, and none of them are remotely spoiled. Real discipline should begin when they are old enough to understand and clearly disobey. If you start teaching obedience by around 1 year, you will not have a spoiled, manipulative child regardless of how much he's held or fed as a little baby. 

I find that if my little ones seem that they want to nurse all the time, they may have a greater need to suck, and I offer them a pacifier. If they don't want that, I'll put them in a sling and walk around doing other stuff for a while - often they'll go to sleep.


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## JoyFullMom

Because Growing Kids God's Way/Babywise/Gary Ezzo were mentioned in this thread, I thought I'd share this....links can be followed to find further info.

Macarthur's comments on Ezzo's break with LHEF


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## David'sBeloved

I completely agree with Catherine. 

My third baby went through this at about that age too. She is 5 months now and let me just say that there is a huge difference in her understanding in just those two months. But, even at this age I would not discipline her. I do shush her and do some training.

The absolute best parenting advice I have seen is at Raising Godly Tomatoes Start at the very top left hand link that says Square One. That will give you the basic premise of her advice (which I believe is just biblical principles fleshed out). She even has a link titled Proverbs Parenting to show that the Bible _does_ give plenty of parenting advice.

HERE  is the direct link that deals with training infants.

BTW, almost all of the info that is in the book is available on her website for free. You will see the links underneath the title "The Book". And you can even join the message board. It's not just for women, she really appreciates the few men who are on the board.

I think this is the second time I have recommended this site on here but it is just such a great resource.


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## bookslover

TimV said:


> Sometimes crying is just a kid's sinful nature coming out, and some are lots worse than others. One of ours would cry for no reason and not stop. Following the advice we got at one of those big Reformed churches where everyone has a dozen kids, we (at three months) took turns blowing into his nose from a few inches away, which would stop the crying and when he started up again we'd lightly slap his leg with a wooden spoon, so he would associate the pain with his crying. It took three days, but that was it. The first day it took about 20 minutes, the next about 5 and the next just a few minutes. He totally stopped with the colicky stuff. He was the only one we had to do it with.



No, you didn't "stop the colicky stuff" by slapping the kid's leg with a wooden spoon. Colic is a physical condition. When a kid has colic, he needs to see a pediatrician. 

You may have stopped _something_, but it wasn't colic.

-----Added 10/4/2009 at 01:34:45 EST-----

Kid crying all the time? Probably gonna be a Democrat...


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## Mindaboo

We tried a variety of things with our children. Each one went through a period from about six weeks until around 5 months where they seemed to scream for no reason. With my oldest it was gas, we used the drops, they didn't help. One thing we did was boil carraway seed, then strained the seeds out and gave her the juice, that helped. Another thing we did was used a thermometer rectally to help relieve the gas, put a little vaseline on the tip and sometimes that will trigger a bowel movement which elminates the gas problem. 

Some of our babies just needed to cry. My third baby just needed to cry. Feeding, holding, and changing diapers didn't work. If I fed her the crying just went on longer. She is my happiest child. I didn't abuse her in anyway. My last baby needed me and only wanted me for the first year of her life. I ended up holding her a lot more than the others. She had a different need from the others, she needed to be held, she still does. I held her and fed her and comforted her. She is the most confident child I have. I met her needs when she was young and she still wants me and comes to me, but she isn't afraid of much. I found she let me know when she didn't want to nurse, not every cry is a cry for food. I did let her cry herself out at bedtimes and nap times. I think every child is different and what worked on one won't usually work on the other. 

My GP told me that growth spurts can be very painful and that sometimes I should give a small dose of infant tylenol to see if that helped. I massaged my babies legs and arms a lot when they were little and gave warm baths. All of those things seemeds to help. They grow a lot in the first few months. It was my first thought when I read your post.


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## BJClark

Andrew,

How are things w/ the baby? Have they improved?

you said he had a dr's appt. last month, what did they say?

Something you need to be wary of is passing the baby to mom whenever they cry, it can build resentment in you and her, and may cause feelings and thoughts that you are inadequate and incapable as a father (in either you or your wife) that you can't do anything right, where the attitude becomes 'just let mom handle it, because it's easier, than listening to the baby cry..or easier than the child getting used to dad to comforting them when they need it..because there will be times when mom isn't around and dad will need to handle those things..and you don't want to have to call her home every time, because your not sure what to do..I've seen that happen time and again with new parents.

and as others have said..Letting a baby cry, is NOT abuse, it really does help to build their lungs..


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## PresbyDane

One word "CHOCOLATE!!!!!!" and a lot of it


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## tmckinney

my 

This is a little  but I have found a procedure that really works for the older kids when they're screaming, kicking, or whatever they can do to protest.
Creative-Type Dad: Tough Love vs. Spanking 
Folks this really works!


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