# Funny preacher joke



## fralo4truth

So I was visiting a church in Mississippi not long ago. In the evening service the preacher related the story of Jesus casting the devils out of the man into the swine, which then ran into the sea and perished.

He then turned to the congregation:

"Y'all know that's where deviled ham came from, don't you?"

The church erupted in laughter!


----------



## Andres

7 out of 10.


----------



## Marrow Man

When I pastored in Mississippi (not too far from Oxford, home of the Ole Miss Rebels), I was teaching one Wednesday evening on Matthew 7:6 ("Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine..."). As a side comment, I told the congregation that this verse had nothing to do with not being an Arkansas fan or a Mississippi State fan.


----------



## Andres

Marrow Man said:


> When I pastored in Mississippi (not too far from Oxford, home of the Ole Miss Rebels), I was teaching one Wednesday evening on Matthew 7:6 ("Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine..."). As a side comment, I told the congregation that this verse had nothing to do with not being an Arkansas fan or a Mississippi State fan.



 9/10!


----------



## AThornquist

A pastor of mine preached on John 6, referring to when Jesus spoke deep truth that troubled the masses. Then verse 66: "After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him." Pastor then said, "That Jesus sure isn't seeker friendly!"


----------



## tlharvey7

how about the pentecostal revival that started when a guest italian preacher was walking up to the platform, hit his leg on the stairs and started jumping around shouting "ihittamyshin" over and over again


----------



## AThornquist

tlharvey7 said:


> how about the pentecostal revival that started when a guest italian preacher was walking up to the platform, hit his leg on the stairs and started jumping around shouting "ihittamyshin" over and over again


----------



## au5t1n

Here's one I like:

A pastor was preaching on temperance, and when he reached the end of his sermon, he concluded by saying, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd dump it all into the river. And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd dump it into the river. And if I had all the liquor in the world, I'd pour it into the river too!" Then the pastor stepped down from the pulpit and the music minister went up and said, "Our hymn of commitment for today is 'Shall We Gather at the River.'"


----------



## MarieP

AThornquist said:


> A pastor of mine preached on John 6, referring to when Jesus spoke deep truth that troubled the masses. Then verse 66: "After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him." Pastor then said, "That Jesus sure isn't seeker friendly!"



666!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## AThornquist

MarieP said:


> AThornquist said:
> 
> 
> 
> A pastor of mine preached on John 6, referring to when Jesus spoke deep truth that troubled the masses. Then verse 66: "After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him." Pastor then said, "That Jesus sure isn't seeker friendly!"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 666!!!!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...


EEEEEEmyhoshowhatjushappened?!?!?! I'ma burn my computer now


----------



## puritan lad

tlharvey7 said:


> how about the pentecostal revival that started when a guest italian preacher was walking up to the platform, hit his leg on the stairs and started jumping around shouting "ihittamyshin" over and over again





Kind of reminds me of this...

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_067ahbXfg"]YouTube- Mississippi Squirrel Revival--Ray Stevens[/ame]


----------



## Berean

The "First Self-Righteous Church"


----------



## LeeJUk

Probably an old and overused one but ...

How many Church of Scotland members does it take to change a light bulb?
"THEY'LL BE NO CHANGE IN THIS CHURCH!"


----------



## MLCOPE2

LeeJUk said:


> Probably an old and overused one but ...
> 
> How many Church of Scotland members does it take to change a light bulb?
> "THEY'LL BE NO CHANGE IN THIS CHURCH!"



If you liked that then you'll love these!

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one since his/her hands are in the air anyway.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
-Or-
Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.

How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many fundamentalists or independent Baptists does it take to change a 
light bulb?

Only one because any more would be compromise and ecumenical standards of light would slip.

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They always use candles.

How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change light bulb?

One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to call the electrician, and nine to say how much they liked the old one better.
-Or-
Four. One to change the bulb. One to bless the elements. One to pour the sherry. And one to offer a toast to the old light bulb.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

CHANGE??????? 
-Or-
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

About 16,000,000. However, they are badly divided over whether changing the bulb is a fundamental need or not.

How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb. Another to replace the new with the old after shaking it and finding it can be revived with a second blessing.
-Or-
Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

How many United Church of Christ members does it take to change a light bulb?

Eleven. One to change the light bulb. And ten more to organize a covered dish supper that will follow the changing of the bulb service.

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?

There is some question here. But we have it on good authority that they have appointed a committee to study the issue and report back at their next meeting.
-Or-
We read that we are to so fear and love God that we cannot by our own effort or understanding comprehend the replacement of an electromagnetic photon source. It is, rather by faith, NOT by our efforts (effected toward the failed worldly incandescence), that we truly see, and that our own works cannot fully justify us in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Of course, it is still dark.

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One man to change bulb & four wives to tell him how to do it.

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?

300. 12 to sit on the Board which appoints the Nominating and Personnel Committee. 5 to sit on the Nominating and Personnel Committee, which appoints the House Committee. 8 to sit on the House Committee, which appoints the Light Bulb changing committee. 4 to sit on the Light Bulb Changing Committee, which chooses who will screw in the Light Bulb--those 4 then give their own opinion of "screwing in methods" while the one actually does the installation. After completion it takes 100 individuals to complain about the method of installation and another 177 to debate the ecological impact of using the light bulb at all.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.
-Or-
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved --you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.


----------

