# A Woman's Calling



## QueenEsther (Oct 30, 2006)

Can a woman be called to be a particular kind of wife?
like a farmers wife?
a missionaries wife?
a pastors wife?...

Or can a woman be called to be a particular kind of mother?
like a mother of 15?
a foster mother?
an adoptive mother?...

Or are these things that just sort of happen?

If a woman feels called to be a pastors wife should she not even concider marrying a man that does not feel called to the ministry?

Or is the calling for men and women different? If a woman thinks she is called to be a pastor's wife is she merely being led by emotions and a fanciful idea of what she thinks it'll be like to be married to a man in such a position?

Should a woman even be mindful of such things? Should she just be focusing on being a godly woman and help meet to her husband, whatever job he may have, or end up having?


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## Devin (Oct 30, 2006)

Hmm, this is a very interesting question that I have yet to ponder about. I know that God equips His daughters for their tasks just as He does His sons. It may be that one woman is gifted to be a pastor's wife while another is more of a missionaries wife. If that's the woman's desire, I do not see anything wrong with it. The thing to remember is that none of us have direct access to the secret will, plan, and purposes of God. Because of that, the godly woman should focus more on whether she is doing God's prescriptive will as is seen in Scripture rather than on God's providential will which is unseen. Be true to the Scriptures and do what you want, basically. And since the Scriptures do not prohibit wanting to be a certain wife, or having a certain amount of kids, you are free to do what you want...just do it to God's glory. 

But like I said, I haven't thought about this specific issue a lot, so I'd love to hear other opinions.


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## a mere housewife (Oct 30, 2006)

Rose you are asking some difficult questions but no, I don't think God calls us to be a 'generic calling's' wife. God calls us to be the help meet of our specific husbands-- and that is a noble call whatever He puts them into. In other words I think if you feel called to be a 'minister's wife' you are likely to define your ministry to your husband more in terms of a public ministry outside your home. I do not think wives are primarily called to that ever: the priority in the calling of wife is always on the private ministry to her husband and family. Perhaps God truly is preparing someone to be a wife to a missionary or minister; and gives her a sense of that. But if you lose your grip on your primary private calling, you will never be a good helpmeet to a man in a public ministry; because there are always things outside the home in that kind of ministry to interfere unless you are clearly called first of all to be a housekeeper, mother, helpmate-- all the generic things all the other women in the congregation are also called too. In my opinion if a woman feels so strongly called into the ministry so that she would reject a man with whom she is otherwise compatible, perhaps she is called to singleness in the ministry as the ministry is obviously something more of a priority for her than being a wife. I don't think that is said very well but I don't know how to compress it into conciseness at the moment. Is that more or less understandable though?


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## Mrs.SolaFide (Oct 30, 2006)

QueenEsther said:


> Can a woman be called to be a particular kind of wife?
> like a farmers wife?
> a missionaries wife?
> a pastors wife?...
> ...



I think that those are things that "just happen" in the sense that, once they come to pass, it is obvious that God decreed those ends for those specific people. God can give us desires - GOOD desires, don't get me wrong, but I don't think we can always equivocate that with a "calling". I think women can determine (using their desires & the Scriptures) whether or not they are called to single or married life. If a Christian woman desires to marry, then there are several guidlelines for whom she may marry. I agree with Heidi - a woman is called to be a helpmeet to her husband first and foremost. A girl shouldn't ignore the "prospect" of a pastor for a husband because she wants to marry a farmer or vice versa. We have freedom in that area to choose the kind of husband we want, but we shouldn't base our decisions on emotions, selfish desires, or the idea that God has given us extra-biblical "revelation".

My husband is currently an engineer in the aircraft industry, Graduate student, & Logic teacher for a classical school. I see him changing his career focus more than once before we die! I must focus on being a good helpmeet for him - encouraging him in his Graduate studies, grading his students' papers at night, studying theological topics that interest & challenge him so he has someone he can discuss such things with, etc. HE is my primary ministry - not his vocation or what I THINK his vocation should be.


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## a mere housewife (Oct 30, 2006)

Well that's very kind of you Josh considering how confused they were. And I rarely get called "Mrs. Zartman", which is quite nice once in a while too. 

Erin I think you said what I meant.... Thanks.


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## HuguenotHelpMeet (Oct 30, 2006)

a mere housewife said:


> I don't think God calls us to be a 'generic calling's' wife. God calls us to be the help meet of our specific husbands-- and that is a noble call whatever He puts them into.



 And I think you can have an idea of what kind of man you'd be best suited for. But, also, I think that when you meet him, you find that he's the "specific" you were looking for all along, even if he didn't match up to your idea. All of a sudden, his interests become your interests (mostly, anyway ). And then amazingly you can't imagine your life having gone in any other direction. God will work it out...and it's awesome seeing it unfold into place.


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## QueenEsther (Oct 30, 2006)

a mere housewife said:


> Rose you are asking some difficult questions but no, I don't think God calls us to be a 'generic calling's' wife. God calls us to be the help meet of our specific husbands-- and that is a noble call whatever He puts them into. In other words I think if you feel called to be a 'minister's wife' you are likely to define your ministry to your husband more in terms of a public ministry outside your home. I do not think wives are primarily called to that ever: the priority in the calling of wife is always on the private ministry to her husband and family. Perhaps God truly is preparing someone to be a wife to a missionary or minister; and gives her a sense of that. But if you lose your grip on your primary private calling, you will never be a good helpmeet to a man in a public ministry; because there are always things outside the home in that kind of ministry to interfere unless you are clearly called first of all to be a housekeeper, mother, helpmate-- all the generic things all the other women in the congregation are also called too. In my opinion if a woman feels so strongly called into the ministry so that she would reject a man with whom she is otherwise compatible, perhaps she is called to singleness in the ministry as the ministry is obviously something more of a priority for her than being a wife. I don't think that is said very well but I don't know how to compress it into conciseness at the moment. Is that more or less understandable though?



I don't think I have ever wanted to be in any kind of ministry of my own, per se. I do imagine that because I am a woman that when I am older I will teach younger women, since that is a command of God. But of my own, I have never had the desire to say lead a Bible study, write a book or what ever; though I could, I just have never had a desire to do so. Though for some reason, for many years now (about 8 or 9yrs) I have felt like I was going to marry someone who was in the ministry or going into the ministry. I don't know why, I understand that my duties will be to my husband, serving him, and not his job. I guess maybe I figured that men that are pastors have to support a lot of people emotionally and I would be able to help him and support him (whoever he may be) emotionally so he can effectively minister to the people. I don't know though, maybe it's just me being a woman and going on "feelings" which I know is a problem we tend to have.


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## Timothy William (Oct 30, 2006)

A cousin of mine, (an unbeliever), married a farmer and divorced him a couple of years later because she did not wish to live on a farm, and wanted to travel and see the world. 

In the case of a woman potentially marrying a pastor, I don't think you can be specifically called to that role. You always marry a person, not an occupation or a church office or a military rank. That said, a woman in that position should give serious thought to whether or not she has the relevant abilities. A pastor's wife is often given roles in a church, such as teaching other women, because of her position, not ncessarily because of her demonatrated abilites. If, for example, she knows herself to be a gossip, she should be aware that she will hear many of the congregations secrets. If she would consider a man working in private secular employment, who only earned what the average pastor earned (usually not much at all) to be insufficently competent and ambitious, she should give serious thought to whether or not she could live on such an income without resentment. You may think that as a single young man who is not a pastor, and isn't going to be one, I shouldn't comment so negatively, but I have seen these issues cause problems in various churches.


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## QueenEsther (Oct 30, 2006)

Timothy William said:


> A cousin of mine, (an unbeliever), married a farmer and divorced him a couple of years later because she did not wish to live on a farm, and wanted to travel and see the world.
> 
> In the case of a woman potentially marrying a pastor, I don't think you can be specifically called to that role. You always marry a person, not an occupation or a church office or a military rank. That said, a woman in that position should give serious thought to whether or not she has the relevant abilities. A pastor's wife is often given roles in a church, such as teaching other women, because of her position, not ncessarily because of her demonatrated abilites. If, for example, she knows herself to be a gossip, she should be aware that she will hear many of the congregations secrets. If she would consider a man working in private secular employment, who only earned what the average pastor earned (usually not much at all) to be insufficently competent and ambitious, she should give serious thought to whether or not she could live on such an income without resentment. You may think that as a single young man who is not a pastor, and isn't going to be one, I shouldn't comment so negatively, but I have seen these issues cause problems in various churches.




I understand. In my pervious relationship (my only relationship) he had felt called to the ministry, and that was one of many things that attracted me to him. After we had been together for a while I noticed that his occupation wasn't at all important. I would have loved him no matter what he did with his life, even if it was working at a fast food place for the rest of his life. I didn't love him because of what he was doing or where he was going with his life, I loved him for _him_.

But at the same time, I remember talking to people before about this and me wanting to marry someone who was going into the ministry, and they would always argue that that isn't what is important and what not. So I would start to second guess things. But after a little while thinking about it and interacting with various people it would seem to become even more important to me. 

So then, was all that just me going off of my "feelings" or is that a real desire God has put on my heart?


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## Timothy William (Oct 31, 2006)

QueenEsther,

I have had a vaguely similar experience: for many years, I desired to be an overseas missionary; the one thing that really attracted me to my ex girlfriend was that she had the same desire - for reasons too long to recount here, we broke up, and she is now working in an orphanage in Romania, though I still dream of us getting back together. Like you, though, I loved (and still love) her for her, not for what she does. 

The only thing I can add is, why do you think you wanted to marry a man in ministry? If God had graciously put a desire in your heart to minister to people, and if the best way to achieve that was as a pastor's wife, then that sounds like a legitimate desire. But what desire exactly had God given you? A desire to provide mental and emotional support a man in ministry? A desire to minister, in some appropriate way for a woman, yourself? A desire to be a traditional minister's wife? I don't think there is anything wrong with any of these desires, and I do not disagree that God has given them to you, but perhaps you should work out just what your desires and abilites are, and whether or not being a minister's wife is the best, or only, way to fulfill them. With all of us, men and women, ordained and otherwise, we can have a particular desire, given by God, which causes us to think that God wants us to have a particular office or role in life, when that office or role may not be the only way to fulfill that desire. I hope I am making sense, just my


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## LadyFlynt (Oct 31, 2006)

Sometimes we are given desires...but it doesn't form in the manner that we would think. As a child, I wanted to be a missionary's wife...my husband wanted to either be a pastor (still would love that role!). Those things have been used in us in mentoring, inner city ministry, and within the Church. My husband may never be a pastor...but he could end up an elder or teacher of some sort. I've had to be sacrificing and supportive in the manner that a missionary's wife would be for my husbands sporatic ministry.


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## QueenEsther (Oct 31, 2006)

*to put it another way...*

We all know that, for the most part, women are called to be a help meet to their husband and to be mothers.

And we also know that men can feel that God is calling them to the ministry.

So, can a woman be called to minister to a minister?



BTW, thanks you all for your advice so far


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## QueenEsther (Nov 1, 2006)

maybe "called" is the wrong word.. maybe a woman can feel "led"...maybe


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## QueenEsther (Nov 4, 2006)

QueenEsther said:


> But of my own, I have never had the desire to say lead a Bible study, write a book or what ever; though I could, I just have never had a desire to do so.



Can I change my mind on something? 

The last couple days I've had a desire to someday go through the book 'Female Piety' with a small group of girls, maybe Jr. High or High school girls.


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