# Some questions - Related to grown-up children



## buggy (Apr 13, 2010)

As the firstborn of the family, I would like to ask two family-related questions.

I am troubled with a dilemma right now - on one hand, I believe that it is my role now to pursue independence as an adult - on the other hand - my dad keeps telling me to take some responsibility in the family. Is it the scriptural duty of the first-born to assume the responsibilities of the parents if they do not fulfill it due to man-made excuses (such as career-ism, family politics, or dysfunctional families, but not things like disabled parents etc.)

I noticed that the Scriptures are not very explicit in the role of grown-up children (corrections please!). On one hand, you have Genesis implying that one is only free from parental authority upon marriage (Gen. 2:24), but on another hand, a grown-up man/woman is responsible for whatever vows that they have made to the Lord (Numbers 30:1-3). How can these two verses be reconciled?


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## Skyler (Apr 13, 2010)

The question isn't whether the verses can be reconciled, but how.

And I look forward to the rest of this discussion.


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## buggy (Apr 16, 2010)

Erm... any takers?


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## Mushroom (Apr 16, 2010)

> 1Ti 5:4-10 But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God. (5) Now she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and continueth in supplications and prayers night and day. (6) But she that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth. (7) And these things give in charge, that they may be blameless. (8) *But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.* (9) Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man, (10) Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work.


Posted the surrounding verses to verify that the portion addressing those not providing for their own has to do with parents as well as more immediate family. Your parents are those of your own house. Particularly if they are believers, you have a duty to them. Determining all that entails is the difficult part, but you are called to make that determination.


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## JBaldwin (Apr 16, 2010)

We are to be responsible for our own household, but I don't believe that means we are responsible to take of parents who can care for themselves. An exception might be if a child is still living at home (as an adult), he should help out and contribute to the household both with time and finances. 

If situations come up where parents need help, it is our responsibility as children (1st born or not) to ensure that our parents are cared for, but not at the expense of our immediate families. 

I think of my current situation where my husband and I are watching after our mothers (both widowed) get older and become more in need of help. We do what we can for them, and those responsibilities increase. I am not firstborn, my husband is. When our fathers were alive and our mothers were well cared for, we offered little help, because it wasn't needed. 

I don't believe scriptures teach that we are to care for parents who can care for themselves.


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## DMcFadden (Apr 16, 2010)

I am interested in your question but don't have enough data. What kind of "responsibility" is being pushed upon you?

Boundaries are a challenge in both directions. As the father of five adult children, I know how tricky it can be to respect the independence of my kids while still providing them guidance at times. One of my kids is going through a crisis that is rocking my world. This entire week has been one struggling with depression over it. As the firstborn, you remain their first experiment in childrearing. My guess is that they are struggling to figure it out just as you are. If you are able to provide more specific information, I will take a crack at your question.


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