# Spin Off: Should we encourage our daughters to go to college?



## he beholds (Nov 13, 2008)

Do you think we should encourage our *daughters* to go to college? I'm not asking here if we should allow them to go or if we should pay for it, but should we simply encourage it? Should we raise them with the idea that college is the obvious next step after high school, which is the current thought in our culture.

Reading the other thread asking if we should pay for our children to go to college made me think that some of you might have wisdom in this area, as well.


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## Semper Fidelis (Nov 13, 2008)

I'm encouraging my daugthers to excel academically and to get a college education. I want them equipped professionally if they either do not marry or their spouse dies and, more importantly, I want my children's children to be raised by a mom who is well educated.


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## matt01 (Nov 13, 2008)

Semper Fidelis said:


> I want them equipped professionally if they either do not marry or their spouse dies...



We don't know what the future will bring. I will encourage my daughters to go as far as they can/desire.


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## jwithnell (Nov 13, 2008)

It depends on the child, whether male or female. In any case, it is crucial that there is an excellent, reformed church in town if the school itself is not reformed. 

In some ways, I think it is ideal for a young lady to stay in her father's household until she marries. At the same time, a Mom who is well educated brings the best of all worlds to her household. Add to that the talents of a particular individual and it is hard to give a straight yes or no answer to this question.


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## JBaldwin (Nov 13, 2008)

Though I don't believe everyone should go to college, I still believe that every woman should be equipped with the skills to support herself in the event she either doesn't marry or she looses her husband along the way. 

I am encouraging my daughters to get a college education.


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## ReformedWretch (Nov 13, 2008)

College is good for your future, but having a daughter who went, I'd rather her be less successful. Though I admit we didn't get the time with her (adopted as a teen) as we would have had she been born to us and maybe would have learned to be less influenced. The stuff I saw when I just VISITED was horrid, same way when I go to Penn State for football games. I shudder at young ladies being around that filth. If I had another daughter she would commute or she would not go.


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## fredtgreco (Nov 13, 2008)

I think it is a good idea for our daughters to be educated. But, while it is not PC, I believe we need to insist on very little (or no) debt, because debt interferes with marriage and family. I would also be more careful about the college environment with a daughter - in the same way that I am more careful about what speech she hears now, etc.

Men are called to protect their daughters, not "make them feel equal."


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## PastorSBC (Nov 13, 2008)

Yes I think without a doubt we should encourage them to go to college.


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## SolaScriptura (Nov 13, 2008)

On the one hand I believe that my daughter should be a stay-at-home mother, and I don't want her husband burdened by paying for whatever debt she incurs in college.

On the other hand, there are a few practical reasons I encourage my daughter to get a degree:
1. If her husband dies or becomes incapacitated I want her to be on a good standing to get a job to provide for herself (and any children that may be present).
2. I'd like her to homeschool, but in some states (like Iowa) they require either a bachelor's degree or that you get a state certified teacher to keep tabs on you. 
3. The reality is that out in the middle-class world in which I exist there is a bias against stay-at-home moms. If you're a stay at home mom you're assumed to be lazy or ignorant or without drive. I think that holding a college (or masters!) degree obliterates the thought that you really are staying at home because you can't do anything else... and thus you can make a profound point about the surpassing value of being a stay-at-home mom.

Just my thoughts.


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## Scott1 (Nov 13, 2008)

In general, yes if they are gifted to do college work.

Higher education is a great blessing that can help a women develop God given skills and can help to develop income to help in time of need.

There are certainly women who are not academically called and, like men, should focus on skill, trade development that does not require college.

Also, every parent needs to consider many factors, maturity when sending a daughter or son off to college such as living arrangements, impact of philosophy, etc. It is not necessarily right to send every 18 year old daughter to a public university dormitory, but I gather, that is not the post question.

But if God has given a skill, why wouldn't a daughter develop that through higher education if that does not interfere with biblical life priorities?

As an educated Christian man, I for one would prefer an educated Christian woman.


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## Kenneth_Murphy (Nov 13, 2008)

As many have indicated, its one thing to advocate advanced education and another discussion all together regarding how to achieve it and where to go. Much discernment needs to be used regarding where/how to obtain the education. Can you stay local and live at home and remain under the local church? Is the environment at some private and or christian schools better than others? Are there distance learning options etc that make better economic sense and limit other exposures? To me there are a lot of dimensions to the choice so it should take much time and prayer to sort through. That doesn't even talk about what strategy to use for a degree. Do they choose the degree they feel they will like the most? The more specific the degree is the more issues they will have if they get the degree and then don't work in their field consistently. Where having a general topic degree might server better to provide a foundation that will serve them if they are not consistently in the work force as the knowledge may not turn over as fast.


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## Honor (Nov 13, 2008)

My husband and I have had this talk several times... even though we don't have daughters it would be no different... College is a REQUIRMENT in our home.... just like washing your hands, flushing the toilet, going to church. they are little now (4 and 3) but everything is geared towards college... what I teach (since we home school for now) the programs they are in, (I signed them up last year for a preschool etiquette class because it looks good on a transcript) they will volunteer for things, participate in various clubs... for the experience but mostly to get a good transcript. If they were girls it would be no different. Neither my husband or myself nor anyone in our immediate family went to college... they will have to bury me before that happens to my kids... I fully believe that if you have a high standard (for us it's an Ivy League school) then your children will rise to meet that standard. No exceptions. I know I'm going to get a lot of flack but it's THAT important to me.


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## fredtgreco (Nov 13, 2008)

Honor said:


> My husband and I have had this talk several times... even though we don't have daughters it would be no different... College is a REQUIRMENT in our home.... just like washing your hands, flushing the toilet, going to church. they are little now (4 and 3) but everything is geared towards college... what I teach (since we home school for now) the programs they are in, (I signed them up last year for a preschool etiquette class because it looks good on a transcript) they will volunteer for things, participate in various clubs... for the experience but mostly to get a good transcript. If they were girls it would be no different. Neither my husband or myself nor anyone in our immediate family went to college... they will have to bury me before that happens to my kids... I fully believe that if you have a high standard (for us it's an Ivy League school) then your children will rise to meet that standard. No exceptions. I know I'm going to get a lot of flack but it's THAT important to me.



I don't think college as a requirement is a good idea. If one of my boys decided that he did not want to go to college, but instead wanted to be a master electrician or plumber, I would support him in that. I would want him to be learned (as opposed to educated) anyway, and reading/study is a means toward that.

But perhaps I am jaded. I have 4 degrees (B.A., M.A., J.D. and M.Div) and I don't see a college as necessarily teaching students how to think or understand, but rather as a necessary step toward employment and providing for your family. If you can do that without college - all the better. But learning/reading/understanding is a requirement.


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## matt01 (Nov 13, 2008)

Honor said:


> (I signed them up last year for a preschool etiquette class because it looks good on a transcript)



Who is looking at a pre-schooler's transcripts?


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## he beholds (Nov 13, 2008)

Well, obviously I'm mixed on this if I'm asking for a poll! I truly am undecided. Part of me thinks that we should encourage daughters to get married very young, instead of going to college, but then I see the worldly practicalities that could stand in the way. I went to college, learned a lot (but a lot was wasted both b/c of my own fault and the state's requirements for teachers), used my degree professionally for two years, only one of which was full time and even that paid pennies, then we had a baby just two years after we'd been married, and I don't need a degree to be a mommy, which is my current and prospective career. So should I have skipped college and the debt and have worked during those 4.5 years to save for my future family? I could have gone and learned a skill like sewing or something that would have been more practical than English literature.
But I am very glad to have had the experience of college and am even more glad to have learned the things I did learn. 
So I am stuck! 
I think the experience is not a proper factor, since that was merely fun or positive, but not necessary for a life honoring to God. 
But the learning, I think did prop me up to better honor God as a wife and mother. (But could not sewing classes have done the same?)
What I'd like to see ideally happen (if I planned lives) would be my daughter grows up knowing who she's going to marry--ok, I guess this is called an arranged marriage--yikes!, and he's older by maybe six years, he finishes college as she finishes a year or two of college at Geneva or Covenant or somewhere where she can have a year's worth of reformed worldview Bible and humanities classes, and they get married. 

Unless I can teach her those things from home before she graduates high school...
And the arranged part isn't really necessary, I just don't want my daughter to have to go through dating and endless crushes, etc.


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## SolaScriptura (Nov 13, 2008)

sans nom said:


> Honor said:
> 
> 
> > (I signed them up last year for a preschool etiquette class because it looks good on a transcript)
> ...



Elite Kindergarten programs. Didn't you know?


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## TaylorOtwell (Nov 13, 2008)

One option to consider may be obtaining college credit from home. You can earn entire degrees from respectable institutions from home.

Having gone through college, I would say "no". I would not encourage my (hypothetical) daughter to attend, especially if she was planning on getting married or wanted to get married, because it doesn't further the purposes God has established for Christian wives, which is to be an honorable keeper at home. 

I think you're heading the right direction in evaluating the "norms" that have come to be expected even among Christian young ladies. Keep it up!


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## Scott1 (Nov 13, 2008)

> he beholds
> Puritanboard Freshman
> 
> So should I have skipped college and the debt and have worked during those 4.5 years to save for my future family? I could have gone and learned a skill like sewing or something that would have been more practical than English literature.
> ...



You're not stuck, only slightly conflicted.

Part of what you are reflecting is that it is not wrong for a woman to marry early and invest early years in her family.

It is not wrong also for some women who remain unmarried to develop their skills in college to support themselves and devote themselves to charity and good works.

And there is a lot in between, not because of moral relativity but because there really is a time and season for everything under the sun.

Some women are called to marry later in life, mine did and I, for one, am thankful for that!

Some women are called to remain single all their life and can be of great service to the house of God.

In the final analysis, I don't see how you will regret higher education per se because you may need those skills or draw on those experiences later on. Granted, you may regret circumstances of that experience- going to a particular college without seeking God's direction, or to a particular lifestyle that goes with that circumstance, but not getting higher education per se.



> Ecclesiastes 3
> 1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
> 
> 2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
> ...



Some day, you will by God's grace be able to put this in perspective and thank Him that He allowed you to develop skills and exposure to things so you can serve Him better.


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## Dwimble (Nov 13, 2008)

I chose "other," but I suppose I could have equally chosen "maybe." I think it depends entirely on the girl. In my view you should work all through her life to teach her, know her strengths, desires, and so on. If her desires and goals require college, then encourage it as soon as you know that is the case. If not, then encourage her and affirm her decision to go in the direction she has chosen that doesn't require it.


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## OPC'n (Nov 13, 2008)

Absolutely! Even if they get married women are called upon to serve their husbands as much as they can. It's wonderful if women can stay at home when they have children, but sometimes some women cannot have children and the other option is to adopt. That takes money. Plus you would want to work until you do get the children you want. Sometimes a woman can work from home if she has a degree. I don't think women should limit themselves in education. Many people think that it is more righteous for women not to be in the work force but that is not only untrue it is unbiblical. Proverbs 31 tells us what a godly woman looks like and how she serves her husband...she doesn't just run the household...she's out buying fields etc. She stays under her husband's authority but she is definitely a helper and not a burden!


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## Leslie (Nov 13, 2008)

Multiple studies have shown that childhood mortality is directly and inversely related to the educational level of the mother--not the educational level of the father and not the socio-economic status of the family. If college is possible for a young woman, I think it's being irresponsible not to go, even if she plans to be a stay-at-home mother. Women become widowed, divorced, impoverished, or abandoned at times, through no guilt of their own, and must be able to earn a living.


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## he beholds (Nov 13, 2008)

sjonee said:


> Absolutely! Even if they get married women are called upon to serve their husbands as much as they can. It's wonderful if women can stay at home when they have children, but sometimes some women cannot have children and the other option is to adopt. That takes money. Plus you would want to work until you do get the children you want. Sometimes a woman can work from home if she has a degree. I don't think women should limit themselves in education. Many people think that it is more righteous for women not to be in the work force but that is not only untrue it is unbiblical. Proverbs 31 tells us what a godly woman looks like and how she serves her husband...she doesn't just run the household...she's out buying fields etc. She stays under her husband's authority but she is definitely a helper and not a burden!



I definitely do not like the word burden here. I am currently contributing no income to our family. I do not feel that I am a burden. I sure hope not!



Leslie said:


> Multiple studies have shown that childhood mortality is directly and inversely related to the educational level of the mother--not the educational level of the father and not the socio-economic status of the family. If college is possible for a young woman, I think it's being irresponsible not to go, even if she plans to be a stay-at-home mother. Women become widowed, divorced, impoverished, or abandoned at times, through no guilt of their own, and must be able to earn a living.



Do you have any links, please? I'd love to see these studies that show this relationship...


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## OPC'n (Nov 13, 2008)

No, he beholds, that isn't what I mean...not at all. What I mean is that if a woman doesn't take every advantage to improve her skills when it is possible to do so, then she is being more of a burden than if she were to improve her skills. For example, my mother never went to college but learned a great amount of skills from her mother. She was a wonderful mother and worked very, very hard. She wasn't a burden because she did all that she could do to learn all that she could learn...she wasn't meant for college. However, if I had never gone to college, if she had never encouraged me to go to college, I would be a burden to someone. I was able to go to college and learn and get a good job with a good income. I, therefore, am able to now care for her and give to my church and other charities. You went to college because you were able to. You already teach your children the catechism and you would be able to teach them their education if you and your husband decide that. You are well educated and could help with the finances in your home if that is what you and your husband decide, etc. So it isn't really the level of education as it is being responsible to others and taking advantage of improving your skills. So, I personally would encourage my children to go to college for that reason. I didn't mean to imply that if one doesn't go to college they are a burden...that would be ridiculous thinking...sorry if I offended you! You definitely are not a burden...just the opposite!


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## Curt (Nov 13, 2008)

I have one daughter who went to college for two years, then got her Mrs. degree. Her sister has a Masters degree in Library Science. I'm sorry we encouraged her to attend college and grad school.


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## OPC'n (Nov 13, 2008)

Curt said:


> I have one daughter who went to college for two years, then got her Mrs. degree. Her sister has a Masters degree in Library Science. I'm sorry we encouraged her to attend college and grad school.




If it isn't personal, can I ask why?


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## ReformedWretch (Nov 13, 2008)

sjonee said:


> Curt said:
> 
> 
> > I have one daughter who went to college for two years, then got her Mrs. degree. Her sister has a Masters degree in Library Science. I'm sorry we encouraged her to attend college and grad school.
> ...



I can't answer for his personal situation but nearly every college is a cesspool of sin, a modern day Sodem! even if the Lord blesses your child and saves her they will be surrounded by horrid life styles, and teachings every single day. They will be taught lies and liberal, leftist revisionist history. You might be able to avoid the horrible teaching with a Christian school, but from my understanding the social climate is only moderately better, even at Christian schools.


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## OPC'n (Nov 13, 2008)

PuritanBouncer said:


> sjonee said:
> 
> 
> > Curt said:
> ...



Christ prayed that He would keep us not take us out of the world. The world is a cesspool...one in which we can be a light. If you've taught your children good doctrine, they know when they are being fed lies from the school system. They can then challenge the teachers' belief system they put forth and bring up another way for other students to think...I did that when I was going to college. We need to be the influence in this world and not be afraid of the world...God is on our side!


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## Curt (Nov 13, 2008)

sjonee said:


> Curt said:
> 
> 
> > I have one daughter who went to college for two years, then got her Mrs. degree. Her sister has a Masters degree in Library Science. I'm sorry we encouraged her to attend college and grad school.
> ...



Despite the fact that they were both homeschooled and brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, both daughters were led astray at college - and one was a "Christian" college. Both were taught - by Christian college professors or pastors that all that "honor thy father and mother" stuff was anachronistic, at best.


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## OPC'n (Nov 13, 2008)

Curt said:


> sjonee said:
> 
> 
> > Curt said:
> ...



If it wasn't the school that did this, it would have been their friends, etc. God is in control of everything. Sometimes He allows His elect to walk down a path that isn't on His path...but He isn't a derelict Father. He does bring His elect back to Himself! I walked down a bad path for years even though I was raised how you raised your children. It wasn't college that dumped me on that path it was me...I chose it, but God had mercy and brought me to Him. So take heart! God works in mysterious ways!


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## ReformedWretch (Nov 13, 2008)

Sarah, I admire your accomplishments! That said, I wouldn't send my daughter into a crack house to share her testimony and in my opinion and from my experience, College (especially secular ones) aren't much better.


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## Curt (Nov 13, 2008)

sjonee said:


> Curt said:
> 
> 
> > sjonee said:
> ...


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## Anton Bruckner (Nov 13, 2008)

colleges today are nothing more than bastions of humanism and promiscuity. We as Christians ought to be very careful when making this decision, since it is very expensive and very risky. Many good Christians went to college and lost their faith. The question we should ask, should we pay $40k per year for our kids to sit under a professor who openly blasphemes the word and be amongst unbelievers who tempt them to sin with them?

Christian daughters if they are going to college should be made to go to a school close to home whereby the commute to and fro. If not distance learning should be chosen. 
As for majors so as to not waste money and sit under heresy, Christians should study accounting, medicine, pure sciences in hopes of getting to medical school, engineering and law.

All other subjects are useless and can be studied at home in ones spare time.


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## matt01 (Nov 13, 2008)

Anton Bruckner said:


> As for majors so as to not waste money and sit under heresy, Christians should study accounting, medicine, pure sciences in hopes of getting to medical school, engineering and law.
> 
> All other subjects are useless and can be studied at home in ones spare time.



That might be going a bit too far.


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## Prufrock (Nov 13, 2008)

> colleges today are nothing more than bastions of humanism and promiscuity.


Yeah, I don't know about that... Not always (or even most of the time?) true.


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## Mindaboo (Nov 13, 2008)

My 15 year old has had a wonderful example of a godly woman who works full time and homeschools and did both well. Her viola teacher teaches from home, homeschooled full time and did an amazing job at both. I am thankful that she has this example to follow. She wants to be a stay at home mom, but sees the benefit of being able to help her future husband with income from home if needed. She knows college isn't optional, she will go. I came from a home where higher education meant graduation from high school. Today we struggle and I can do nothing to help, it wouldn't be worth the money for me to go to work. The best I could do is work at a grocery store and make just enough to put a little food on the table. I wish I had an education. I homeschool my kids and am learning alongside them, but it takes a lot more time and effort on my part. 

We expect all of our children to get a degree from college. My daughter wants to attend the college that is 10 minutes from home; it is secular, but she has been involved with the school since she was 8. She knows full well what she will be getting into. I would much rather have her go there then send her away to school, Christian or secular. We are also looking into some Christian colleges where we know people who live close by and rather than having her live on campus we are thinking about having a host family take her in where there would be some oversight. Thankfully, those are options for us and the families we know are more than willing to help us out with it. 
I hope my daughter will get an education so that she doesn't have to struggle with things the way I do.


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## PointyHaired Calvinist (Nov 13, 2008)

As one who has an A.A., B.A., and M.S. degree, and who is not using his college education in his current job (where my father-in-law and boss, who did only two years in college, is not in the job his education was preparing him for, and has been immensely blessed in his work), I for one have seen that most Americans view education (organized education) as an idol - "get 'em educated and everything will be ok!"

Well, I for one have decided I won't push my kids into college. If my sons want to go for a trade or professional skill, fine and dandy, but do something with it. Also, no loans, since the debt burden is insane when you get out, and they throw money at you. However, more jobs than you think can be started with a high school education. Maybe not many, but more than one thinks.

Even so, many so-called Christian colleges are dens of iniquity, much moreso state schools. I firmly believe daughters should stay in their fathers homes until marriage, or this should at least be the norm. I don't know how many Christian women I know who get involved in a career and stick with that even through marriage. My wife went to a Christian college for two years and regrets it (nothing bad really happened to her, but she didn't like a lot of what went on even there). She did better when she went to work with her dad, and helped him out until we got married.

Education is good. Schooling, however, has become an idol. Don't force your kids to go to college just to go. Let the heathen do this.


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## Anton Bruckner (Nov 13, 2008)

sans nom said:


> Anton Bruckner said:
> 
> 
> > As for majors so as to not waste money and sit under heresy, Christians should study accounting, medicine, pure sciences in hopes of getting to medical school, engineering and law.
> ...


I know I used hyperbole but really stuff like political science, psychology, art history, can be learnt at home. And it is these subjects (political science, psychology, art history) that the humanists have the monopoly on. I say if one is going to allow their daughters to do the college thing I prefer they study tangible subjects such as accounting, sciences, geography and law. And even in these subjects I prefer them study at a local college where they sleep home at night or distance learning via the internet.


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## Jen (Nov 13, 2008)

My mum and I have had a few conversations on this subject when one of my friends debated with herself very strongly over whether she should continue her schooling or not after she got married (she was 19 and a second-year). In the end, we both agreed that you simply can't count on your husband being able to support you for your whole life, and so a woman should be encouraged to get her B.A. (There are any number of circumstances that could occur -- death, disability, divorce, etc. At the church I briefly attended last year, a man was disciplined because he sought a divorce from his wife a mere 6 months after marriage, stating that he was no longer a Christian and wanted nothing to do with the Church at all. _No one_ saw that coming.)

I would much prefer that my hypothetical future daughters lived at home to do so, though. I did that and lived in dorms for a year at a Christian college. In all honesty, my years in university were easier than the year at the Christian college by sheer virtue of the fact that astonishingly historians are more tolerant of Christians than dispensationalists are of covenant theology. There was simply too much of an emphasis on a superficial, appearance of spirituality at the Christian school. The public sins of the state university are far easier to deal with than the secret sins of the Christian college where legalism has a strong foothold.

I want to write; I want to teach; I want a family. I realised, though, that academia is not very conducive to a family, and so writing has taken a higher priority for me, even though I do love to teach. I want to write for the church (or, rather, for the women of the church -- please don't ask what, as I am torn between whether systematics or history is my greater passion), and my continuing education has become more of a necessity now than it was when I merely wanted to be a professor. I'm even considering adding a second M.A. (Theological Studies) as a result. I will continue in my education until God sees fit to give me a husband, and I will encourage my daughters in the same (NOT to give the impression that I'm after the MRS degree, simply to say that I'm on a path now that I'm willing to give up for a family). As I relayed to our dean of women students a few weeks ago, for the first time in *years* I don't know what I will do after graduation, but I do know that I am exactly where God wants me to be.

Some of the comments in this thread are simply variants of the "Why are you in seminary? You're a woman! What are you doing here?" questions some of us have had to answer. The answer to that is even easier than the question of college or not -- we're here because God gave us brains that He expects us to use, and He wants us here. When and if we have families of our own, they will benefit from our education. (And now that I've had to suffer through Hebrew, I have every intention of inflicting it on my children -- preferably alongside Latin and Greek. I decided that this morning after one of my classmates told our Hebrew professor that it's good the Masoretes are dead, because otherwise she'd have words with them. )

Oh, and, for the record, I ended up in seminary because right after sitting down in a booth at Denny's, I was greeted by my dad with, "You need to go to seminary." I also want to note that the faculty here is very supportive of the women students, and I greatly appreciate that. I'm also very grateful to my OT Survey professor at the aforementioned Christian college who, upon being told that I'm planning on attending seminary, replied, "Good, we need more women in higher theological education."

 This post has turned into a defence of women in seminary, but I think the points follow naturally. (NB: I do not intend to imply that every woman should attend seminary, and I'm not convinced it should be done lightly. I chose H.T. for one reason, stuck with it for another reason, am reconsidering the earlier reasons, and am thus considering the T.S. degree for that reason. )


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## he beholds (Nov 13, 2008)

Anton Bruckner said:


> sans nom said:
> 
> 
> > Anton Bruckner said:
> ...



This is good advice to give our sons as well! My husband got his undergrad degrees in both History and English...neither of which typically come with jobs following graduation. Grad school was basically mandatory, and although a masters pays a bit more in his profession, it might not have been worth it if we had taken out loans for it. (And since he has hopes to end up a professor, grad school would have been necessary anyway, but he sometimes wishes he would have studied something in the sciences.)
I started college as a Missions Major, so I think I was a bit more responsible to become an English Ed major, where I learned a skill to use on the mission field...which has not happened, after all (yet??)...


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## Kevin (Nov 13, 2008)

I voted "maybe".

I do not think that my girls (3 so far) do not need an education beyond what my wife & I can give them at home (3 degrees between us & we met at university).

I just hesitate to make a blanket statement such as "my children will go to college!", or "My girls will NOT go to college!". IF they have the ability & the funding plan in place, then go for it.

My wife & I just did a major financial review & I was surprised to discover that I would be worse off if I lost her then she would be without me!

I work & she stays home. However she has a more "practical" education(managment) then I do (arts). She provides child care & education for our 5 kids. Without her I would be faced with 1000's of $ per month in child care & tuition. My wife on the other hand is more employable then I am.

So, it gives me great comfort to know that she could provide for our children in my absence. If she did not have the skills that she does this would not be the case.


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## Semper Fidelis (Nov 13, 2008)

Kevin said:


> I voted "maybe".
> 
> I do not think that my girls (3 so far) do not need an education beyond what my wife & I can give them at home (3 degrees between us & we met at university).
> 
> ...



Though my situation is a bit different in terms of my earning potential compared to Sonya, I too am happy to know that she would have great earning potential given her education.


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## calgal (Nov 14, 2008)

I agree with Rich and Kevin. Even if you expect your girls to be a wife and mommy, this status may either happen later or never happen. To be blunt, a woman who has a GED or HS diploma only may get a job at McDonalds or may even get work at a factory but these days even clerical jobs require a BA or BS. And minimum wage does not cover the mortgage. And then there is the possibility she will need to work full time even when they have kids: Husband could die, Husband could become disabled or terminally ill with all the expenses involved with the illness taking every penny they have saved, Husband could be laid off of work for an extended period of time, Husband could leave her or worse, she could be a battered wife who has no choice other than to leave him. And if your response is to have the church provide: how long should that be? How can the church provide? And lastly Lydia of Purple and the Proverbs 31 wife (valued Above Rubies) were successful businesswomen.


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## Pergamum (Nov 14, 2008)

sans nom said:


> Honor said:
> 
> 
> > (I signed them up last year for a preschool etiquette class because it looks good on a transcript)
> ...



I didn't get into my first college choice because I failed finger-painting.


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## Honor (Nov 14, 2008)

actually since it was an etiquette class it was to help show them how to behave in different social situations... which fork to use, how to address a lady when she arrives at the table... that sort of thing, He already knew the things being taught but it helped to reinforce it and it does matter when you have like a billion straight A kids all trying to get into Harvard and they only accept a handful. You have to have an edge. You have to stand out.


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## matt01 (Nov 14, 2008)

Pergamum said:


> sans nom said:
> 
> 
> > Honor said:
> ...



My parents sent me for an intensive pre-pre-school program, so that I could get a head start. It was hard work, but certainly paid off. That first year is so important for determining the future.


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## kvanlaan (Nov 14, 2008)

> colleges today are nothing more than bastions of humanism and promiscuity. We as Christians ought to be very careful when making this decision, since it is very expensive and very risky. Many good Christians went to college and lost their faith. The question we should ask, should we pay $40k per year for our kids to sit under a professor who openly blasphemes the word and be amongst unbelievers who tempt them to sin with them?
> 
> Christian daughters if they are going to college should be made to go to a school close to home whereby the commute to and fro. If not distance learning should be chosen.
> As for majors so as to not waste money and sit under heresy, Christians should study accounting, medicine, pure sciences in hopes of getting to medical school, engineering and law.
> ...



Come on now, don't hold back. Tell us how you _really_ feel... 

(Incidentally, I went to a Southern Baptist University - some would say THE Southernest Baptistest University - and saw (and participated in) more sin in four years than I had in the first 19 of my life to that point. The professors were mostly dyed-in-the-wool Baptists and bless them for it, but the student body - mostly preachers kids, lots of MKs, etc. was something that I never expected. I hope all my children, not just the girls, live at home during university.)


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## Brother John (Nov 15, 2008)

My wife and I have talked about this several times. Right now we have two young sons but Lord willing as He grows our family we will have daughters. We do not hold to the view that college is the end all be all of middle class life. We have friends and family that do and it is a pretty scary thing. We will teach our sons that if the Lord calls them to the market place they should be the ones starting and building companies not a guy in a cube farm (Don't mean to be rude but I want my family, Lord willing, over the next several hundred years to be establishing a family dynasty that serves Christ the King not man. I digress). Back to the topic of daughters here is our thoughts:

1) We believe that education is important not college degrees. The focus is on training and preparing for a life serving Christ and living by His Word. We want to give our children an exceptional education that is rooted in God's Word and will help them in there pursuit of God's calling.

2) We would encourage our daughters to get there degree quickly and at a distance. Utilizing CLEP/DANTE tests and a school such as Thomas Edison College Thomas Edison State College (We would do the same with our sons)

3) Utilizing the above method more time can be spent preparing our daughters for the real world. While they also earned a degree that may protect there ability to homeschool there children and deepen there knowledge to a degree.

4) We are not intrested in placing our daughters under the supervision and teaching of anti christian systems (nor our sons). We are not going to allow a "christian" college to teach our daughters that what Prov 31 means is for you to help the family by putting your kids in daycare and climb the ladder of "success".

5) We do not want daughters who are "dumb". We want by God's grace daughters who will stand by there husbands and help them conquer this culture and world for Christ. We pray that they will love the Biblical role that God has given them. And we feel that our daughters and our sons wives should be intelligent and prepared to engage any philosophy or teaching that this lost world is going to throw at them. 

6) We have a multi-generational vision for the Blevins family and to fulfill that we must prayerfully equip our daughters to teach the next generation of Blevins and be the help meet that there husbands need.


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## calgal (Nov 15, 2008)

John:

With all due respect, your view of the family is admirable but it makes some assumptions you may want to re-examine. First one is that your sons in law will never have a disability hindering or completely eliminating their ability to work. Second that your sons in law will not be killed or contract a long term fatal disease (MS, MD or some other completely disabling condition). Thirdly that they will not divorce your daughters or your daughters will not leave an abusive husband (abusers are very charming to everyone but their victim and there ARE abusers in Christendom). Fourthly, your daughters may marry late in life or never marry. In all of these (sadly not rare) instances the wife will work out of necessity, not to buy more stuff. In order for her to be hireable, she needs some basic skills that she can bring into the workplace and make more than minimum wage to support the family on a temporary or permanent basis. Having the ability to cook and clean and sew would be useful BUT these skills (unless cooking = trained chef) don't really translate into a job that pays the bills (mortgage/rent and utilities plus emergency fund).


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## Notthemama1984 (Nov 16, 2008)

I think that all the feelings towards daughters staying close to home and the rest should be extended to the sons as well. I am sure all the military guys on here can attest to the problems they see when an 18 year old gets away from home for the first time with a load of cash in their pocket. It will make you cringe.

I am not saying that children should be forbidden from leaving home until marriage, but careful thought has to be given in the situation.

Also I personally feel that if college is going to make them doubt their pillars of faith, then so is life. Sure college is humanistic and atheistic in nature, but so is alot of the world. Sooner or later each and every believer will have their faith tested, so this would not be a reason to not go to college for me.


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## Notthemama1984 (Nov 16, 2008)

Blev3rd said:


> 2) We would encourage our daughters to *get there degree quickly* and at a distance. Utilizing CLEP/DANTE tests and a school such as Thomas Edison College Thomas Edison State College (We would do the same with our sons)




I think this is a great point and that is another reason why parents should help their children financially at school. I believe that the more a child's nose is in the book, the less likely they are to be tempted with the parties and other sinful aspects of college. Thus, if a parent provides the opportunity for a child to treat college as their only job, they will stay out of trouble and will have better grades because they are not having to rob Peter (studying) to pay Paul (work).


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