# Husband/Wife disagreements in public



## Abeard (Nov 2, 2014)

Is it just me, or am I being over-sensitive when I become uncomfortable when a husband/wife squabble over a little issue in front of other people?

Is it best for a married couple to work out their disagreements in private?

Is it ever justifiable for a married couple to disagree with each other in front of others?


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## Ask Mr. Religion (Nov 2, 2014)

I always wince when witnessing a husband and wife meltdown in public. Yes, it is best to deal with many matters in private, but I do thank God my wife had the wherewithal to ignore public opinion when I was about to do something monumentally stupid and whispered in my direction or placed her hand on my arm to signal me...in public.


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## Miss Marple (Nov 2, 2014)

Depends on the intensity of the disagreement.

"And then I told George the meeting was at 7:15!"

"I thought you said 7:45. . . are you sure?"

That's a disagreement, but not wince-inducing or ugly.


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## VictorBravo (Nov 2, 2014)

Miss Marple said:


> Depends on the intensity of the disagreement.



And the subject.

Once my wife and I got into an argument over whether patent law was a misapplication of property law or a natural outgrowth of contract law. It happened in a checkout line at the grocery store.

Other folks seemed to be quite entertained by it.


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## Jack K (Nov 3, 2014)

It isn't healthy either for a husband and wife to feel like they always have to "perform" in public and act like perfect lovebirds rather than just be who they really are. When we get too practiced at hiding our real selves, we open the door to deeper hiding and a loss of integrity. So, yes, some spats ought to be saved for a more private setting, but people who are comfortable letting others see some of their dirty laundry may have an edge when it comes to integrity and openness in repentance.


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## bookslover (Nov 3, 2014)

> Once my wife and I got into an argument over whether patent law was a misapplication of property law or a natural outgrowth of contract law.



You two must be one exciting couple...


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## Steve Curtis (Nov 3, 2014)




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## earl40 (Nov 3, 2014)




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## Somerset (Nov 3, 2014)

bookslover said:


> > Once my wife and I got into an argument over whether patent law was a misapplication of property law or a natural outgrowth of contract law.
> 
> 
> 
> You two must be one exciting couple...


Perhaps there is no TV reception in the area.


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## Ask Mr. Religion (Nov 3, 2014)

VictorBravo said:


> Miss Marple said:
> 
> 
> > Depends on the intensity of the disagreement.
> ...


Hopefully you corrected your wife on the matter given patent law's right of exclusion of others.


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## Abeard (Nov 3, 2014)

I guess it would also depend on the tone of the conversation too.


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## jambo (Nov 3, 2014)

VictorBravo said:


> Once my wife and I got into an argument over whether patent law was a misapplication of property law or a natural outgrowth of contract law. It happened in a checkout line at the grocery store.



You need to get out more.

My wife and I were in Portugal recently and a husband and wife were having a blazing row in the supermarket. You could hear them all over the shop. I thought they were very rude not to argue in English for the benefit of us tourists. Although unable to speak Portugese, I think they too were arguing over property law.


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## VictorBravo (Nov 3, 2014)

Somerset said:


> Perhaps there is no TV reception in the area.



Haven't owned a TV since Gunsmoke went off the air in 1975. Gives us lots of time to talk about things....



Ask Mr. Religion said:


> Hopefully you corrected your wife on the matter given patent law's right of exclusion of others.



Sure, only to have her remind me that the progressive distortion of property law led to the jurisprudence behind the NFIB v. Sebelius decision (upholding Obamacare as a legitimate tax function of Congress). But that discussion waited for the drive home.


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## Edward (Nov 3, 2014)

It may be a class thing. Loud public disputes were always considered something that the lower classes did.


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## Frosty (Nov 3, 2014)

Edward said:


> It may be a class thing. Loud public disputes were always considered something that the lower classes did.



Having previously worked a 2nd job (in the evening) at Walmart in Morgantown, WV, I can certainly confirm this from experience.


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## VictorBravo (Nov 4, 2014)

Abeard said:


> Is it just me, or am I being over-sensitive when I become uncomfortable when a husband/wife squabble over a little issue in front of other people?
> 
> Is it best for a married couple to work out their disagreements in private?
> 
> Is it ever justifiable for a married couple to disagree with each other in front of others?



Back to your original questions:

Seeing a couple squabble over little issues might be embarrassing, but I don't think it is worth becoming sensitized or uncomfortable about. Squabbles are part of the Fall--we don't always have the ability or inclination to deal with one another in grace. It doesn't mean it's right, but we acknowledge other things like jostles and bumps as being inevitable--likewise small squabbles.

But I know what you are getting at. Abusive arguments in public are unseemly. Belittling your spouse with insults is a violation of the 5th Commandment and even unconverted everyday folks find it uncomfortable and inappropriate. We all feel embarrassed for the couple, and a little nervous for what else they might do, as they apparently feel little to no shame.

The big deal is respect. I don't think it is ever appropriate to publicly or privately humiliate or insult a spouse. But disagreeing in public in a civil fashion is fine and expected, of course, depending upon subject matter.

For example, a couple shopping: suppose husband really wants to go look at the tool section of a huge store, and then get a pizza, while his wife is nauseated with a migraine. Should she be prohibited from expressing disagreement over how they spend the evening? 

On the other hand, I'm fairly certain none of us want to hear an in-public disagreement over private matters. 

It is all subject to a proper use of a sense of shame.


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## jwithnell (Nov 4, 2014)

I agree that the subject makes all the difference -- if it's about the relationship, that is almost never appropriate; if it involves a topic for discussion and can be handled with some sensitivity, it may be OK depending on the setting. My husband and I will often interject some humor so it's obvious we have some differences on the topic but that nothing deeper is happening and anybody else around us is welcome to join the discussion.

So who won the law argument?


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## VictorBravo (Nov 4, 2014)

jwithnell said:


> So who won the law argument?



It still goes on. 

It's been an evolving point of discussion over the past 15 years. It's not a matter of winning, but rather more like a proper use of Hegelian dialectic that allows us to make some sense of what is going on.


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## whirlingmerc (Nov 4, 2014)

I go along with depends on if it is confrontational, bitter, disrespectful, inconsiderate of others listening
So it depends on the subject and how it's done

Disagreeing by itself is not that big of a deal if done in the right spirit


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## Toasty (Nov 4, 2014)

Abeard said:


> Is it just me, or am I being over-sensitive when I become uncomfortable when a husband/wife squabble over a little issue in front of other people?
> 
> Is it best for a married couple to work out their disagreements in private?
> 
> Is it ever justifiable for a married couple to disagree with each other in front of others?



It depends on the disagreement. Not all disagreements are the same.


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## Free Christian (Nov 6, 2014)

jambo said:


> My wife and I were in Portugal recently and a husband and wife were having a blazing row in the supermarket. You could hear them all over the shop. I thought they were very rude not to argue in English for the benefit of us tourists.



They might have just been discussing what to have for dinner. My wife is Italian, at first years ago, it took me a while to understand that what seemed like arguing to me was them, her family, just having a normal conversation.


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## reaganmarsh (Nov 6, 2014)

Free Christian said:


> jambo said:
> 
> 
> > My wife is Italian, at first years ago, it took me a while to understand that what seemed like arguing to me was them, her family, just having a normal conversation.
> ...


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