# Humor for Lexophiles (Lovers of Words)



## VirginiaHuguenot (Jul 14, 2008)

Humor for Lexophiles (Lovers of Words) (source: internet circulation)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Circumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A -flat miner.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.


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## Christusregnat (Jul 14, 2008)

"There's my argument. Restrict immigration!" ~ Groucho Marx




VirginiaHuguenot said:


> Humor for Lexophiles (Lovers of Words) (source: internet circulation)
> 
> I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.


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## MrMerlin777 (Jul 14, 2008)

Thanks for the chuckle.


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## turmeric (Jul 14, 2008)

I think you meant Sir Cumfrence.


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## danmpem (Jul 14, 2008)

One who stands in front of a car soon gets tired.

One who stands behind a car gets exhausted.


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## staythecourse (Jul 14, 2008)

> When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.


 Ohhh. (groan)...Don't worry. I'll be OK in a minute.


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## Galatians220 (Jul 14, 2008)

A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"

Margaret


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## Presbyterian Deacon (Jul 14, 2008)

O puns! O puns!
I get into trouble every time 
I Opuns my mouth!


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## regenerated (Jul 14, 2008)

there is indeed two realities.
the reality we live in,which is not true reality,but nevertheless a reality that we have come to accept.

and then there is the true reality,unseen,hidden,yet to be uncovered,revealed to the spiritually discerning.......In-Christ.


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## staythecourse (Jul 15, 2008)

regenerated said:


> there is indeed two realities.
> the reality we live in,which is not true reality,but nevertheless a reality that we have come to accept.
> 
> and then there is the true reality,unseen,hidden,yet to be uncovered,revealed to the spiritually discerning.......In-Christ.





Call the pun police.


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## regenerated (Jul 15, 2008)

Yeah,
my apologies.
wrong forum.


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## smhbbag (Jul 15, 2008)

> A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"



A hydrogen atom walks into a bar and says, "I think I lost my electron." The bartender asks: "Are you sure?"

The hydrogen atom snaps "Of course! I'm positive!"


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## Augusta (Jul 19, 2008)

All very funny.


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