# Marriage and maturity



## arapahoepark (Nov 28, 2015)

So I am curious as to views on marriage and maturity. I am from a family where parents married later, and even their talk has made me think one needs to really mature before thinking of marriage. I see this as two fold, emotional and financial. I definitely think, as a man, one needs to be mature financially. I have heard an old adage 'if you're ready to get married then you are ready to date.' I also think one should be mature in Christ as well (emotionally). Granted, full maturity will never be accomplished in this life.
However, it seems there's quite a bit who seem to think that while the above should be true, you will mature more so if you marry younger. To me, that contradicts what I, and presumably those for younger marriage, believe above too. It to be a bit of a paradox if not out right contradiction. I remember a thread in a similar vain not to long ago where I was in the minority.
Though it goes without saying that today there is a prolonged adolescence which is wrong.
What do you guys think?

By the way, I am not asking for myself, as I am not too interested in marriage right now (probably due to my aforementioned beliefs).


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## AThornquist (Nov 28, 2015)

All of this begs the questions: What is financial "maturity"? What does it mean to be "mature in Christ?" Until those questions are answered, all we can do is talk in circles.


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## arapahoepark (Nov 28, 2015)

AThornquist said:


> All of this begs the questions: What is financial "maturity"? What does it mean to be "mature in Christ?" Until those questions are answered, all we can do is talk in circles.



Hence my question. In a roundabout way I am asking what would constitute those.


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## Philip (Nov 28, 2015)

One can mature together with one's spouse, surely.

If "financial maturity" is the standard, then no one in seminary should be married unless they are also working full time. Similarly, no married Christian man should get a PhD as the stipends are not enough to support a family on, entailing that a spouse has to work. However, unrealistic expectations in this regard would fall, I think, under "undue delay of marriage."


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## RamistThomist (Nov 28, 2015)

Tried to delete my post.


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## Username3000 (Nov 28, 2015)

What are the Biblical responsibilities of a husband and father? Leading your family, discipling your family, protecting your family, providing for your family, etc. If one cannot fulfill those responsibilities, they are not ready to be a husband or a father. Of course there are degrees, but if a man can't honestly say that he can hold his own in these areas when everyone else is looking to and relying upon him, then I would say he isn't ready. I have only been married for 14 months now, and wow do these things become apparent in a hurry.

I would put more weight on the spiritual responsibilities, as things such as job situations can be very volatile in our day. But all in all, a man who doesn't know his Bible well, and whose life isn't characterized by Biblical living is going to have a hard time in marriage, not to mention the impact on his family as well.


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## Frosty (Nov 28, 2015)

1) Are you prepared to lead your family spiritually?
2) Are you prepared to protect your family physically?
3) Are you prepared to provide for your family financially- or at least with a realistic plan in place (as in the seminary example)?
4) Are you prepared to love your wife sacrificially, putting her needs and well-being above even your own?

If one can answer in the affirmative to the above you are mature-enough. And yes, a man undoubtedly matures as his marriage progresses. Edit: a decent man.

5) Have you found someone who shares your faith and vision for life?
6) Have you found someone your personality is compatible with?

If so, marry away!

(By you I don't mean _YOU_, Trent)


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## Grimmson (Nov 28, 2015)

E.R. CROSS said:


> What are the Biblical responsibilities of a husband and father? Leading your family, discipling your family, protecting your family, providing for your family, etc. If one cannot fulfill those responsibilities, they are not ready to be a husband or a father. Of course there are degrees, but if a man can't honestly say that he can hold his own in these areas when everyone else is looking to and relying upon him, then I would say he isn't ready. I have only been married for 14 months now, and wow do these things become apparent in a hurry.
> 
> I would put more weight on the spiritual responsibilities, as things such as job situations can be very volatile in our day. But all in all, a man who doesn't know his Bible well, and whose life isn't characterized by Biblical living is going to have a hard time in marriage, not to mention the impact on his family as well.



I have a couple of things to say. First, marriage is a creation ordinance. I have known some unbelieving couples that seem to have a strong marriages and Christians whose marriages has fallen apart. And we should not be surprised with people who have difficulty in marriage due to the joining together of two sinful beings. A marriage relationship, if one is being truthful to their vows, will promote maturity on both sides over time and that includes financially as well. I would not put more weight on spiritual responsibilities, but instead focus on ALL the responsibilities of a man and a woman in such a relationship, which should be one of the things going on in premarital counseling. Part of the reason why I do not think men are not rightly being prepared for marriage is due to the current lack of focus (by parents, the church, and in a secular institutions)on developing those skills for the home in such a relationship in life; particularly in the case of women and gender roles.


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## Ed Walsh (Nov 29, 2015)

arap said:


> So I am curious as to views on marriage and maturity.



Am I understanding this verse properly?

Proverbs 24:27 Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.

Does this verse teach that you should get your act together before you get married? Then "build your house" I.e., Education, job, etc.

Having said that, I got married when I was 21, but I have said to my wife a hundred times that I wished we were married at 18. It's been 43 years so far and we are more in love than when we first married. I am not just talking about that "deeper" kind of love we often hear about. I am still madly in love (the youthful kind) with my beautiful Godly wife.


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## Grimmson (Nov 29, 2015)

If marriage is a subject you want to study then I suggest reading Augustine's "The Good of Marriage" and "Marriage and Concupiscence" for a baseline. Trent, I might have mentioned these works to you earlier when we briefly disused my sacrament of marriage research. I do not remember.


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## Pergamum (Nov 29, 2015)

If some of the reasons to marry include (1) it is better to burn than to burn (with lust), and 2. To bring children into the world, then delaying marriage too late will usually cause you to fail in those 2 goals since most of those who marry late rarely keep their chastity and their child-bearing capacity is limited. Scripture does speak about the wife of thy "youth" and so there is an expectation that half your life won't pass before you commit.

p.s. To study marriage, I would not advise deep theologians or books, but would study those older couples around you who have been married many years and have happy marriages.


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## LilyG (Nov 29, 2015)

I wish the Church would make a heightened effort to prepare, direct, guide, facilitate, and encourage young marriage. The cost of delaying really is hurting our young people. College psychology degrees, racking up needless debt, feminism, waiting for that one character development or to "know oneself better" or passive waiting around for "the one and only" isn't helping.

Oh, and telling the lonely single person that God hasn't brought "the one" because you need to buck up and stop making an idol of marriage also isn't helping. 

/soapbox


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## py3ak (Nov 29, 2015)

Martin Luther:



> God has arranged matters very well. He places people in such callings and offices before they know and are aware of what has been mentioned. He hustles young people into matrimony with pipes, drums, and dancing. They enter the marital estate joyfully and think that it is nothing but sugar.



From his edited sermon on John 16:19-20, oddly enough.


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## Miss Marple (Nov 29, 2015)

It is better to marry than to burn, with no qualifications added thereto.

It doesn't say "It is better to marry than to burn, unless you aren't quite solvent yet."

I think people get caught up in a lot of other things, some of which are important, but they end up burning. Marriage has a purpose.


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## arapahoepark (Nov 30, 2015)

What of the argument that one should have fun before marriage? By that I mean traveling mostly. I think that is what most people mean, not 'experimenting', if you know what I mean.


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## Miss Marple (Nov 30, 2015)

That argument presumes that marriage isn't fun.

However, we are free not to marry of course.


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