# Adoption



## Denton Elliott (Aug 3, 2009)

Saints,

My bride and I are seriously considering adopting a child or family of children from Ukraine. Any advice or helpful info would be much appreciated!


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## Edward (Aug 3, 2009)

Denton Elliott said:


> Saints,
> 
> My bride and I are seriously considering adopting a child or family of children from Ukraine. Any advice or helpful info would be much appreciated!



Go through a respected agency with experience in that country and familiar with the laws of your state. Also, review the State Department website. 

Welcome to Adoption.State.Gov


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## Mark Hettler (Aug 3, 2009)

Denton Elliott said:


> Saints,
> 
> My bride and I are seriously considering adopting a child or family of children from Ukraine. Any advice or helpful info would be much appreciated!



Definitely what Edward said. Also, when it comes time to go overseas and get your child(ren), I'd recommend that both you and your wife go. I went without my wife, and some agencies offer escort service so neither of you have to go, but you'll save a ton of red tape later in the citizenship application process if both you and your wife had been at the embassy together to sign the papers.

Also, and I know this will be controversial, but foreign governments tend to be corrupt, and you need an agency that, without resorting to anything dishonest or unethical, is willing to play by their rules. Our agency was above-board in its dealings with us, but was not above using some of our fee money to bribe a government official or two along the way to keep the process moving.


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## Leslie (Aug 3, 2009)

If you are adopting an older child it is important that he or she had good mothering in the preschool years. Those who were left to fend for themselves tend to be rebels later on. If the preschool mothering was good, then neglect during the 5-10 age range doesn't do a great deal of harm. I've seen this over and over, having rescued kids, sent them, and then followed up on how they are doing. Of course, if you can handle a discipline challenge, the others need you more.


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## Denton Elliott (Aug 6, 2009)

Please pray today for us. Another family is desiring to adopt the same child and we are praying and hoping that God changes their mind tonight. They just adopted a child a year ago and are in dept so we are hoping they realize they should allow us to adopt.


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## lynnie (Aug 6, 2009)

I meant to comment on this back when it first got posted. All the books we read back at the time said to always adopt a child younger than your youngest existing child. I see you have kids. The Holy Spirit could lead otherwise I am sure, but having gotten one at almost age 3 I can see the reason. 

If the child has been in a state orphange with rotten caretaking, be prepared to have what seems like a demon in the home, it can take a while. I had no idea just how damaged a child could be in less than three years. Be sure to read up on Post traumatic stress syndrome ( yeah, even secular stuff) to help you understand why the kid is so messed up. ( book- Trauma and Recovery, by Herman, and try to separate out the modern psych ideas from the mostly good stuff). 

If they live with nice Grandmom, they might be doing well.

I'll pray you get the right kid for you, there are certainly plenty to go around. No matter how hard it is, it is worth it.


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## Edward (Aug 6, 2009)

Denton Elliott said:


> Please pray today for us. Another family is desiring to adopt the same child and we are praying and hoping that God changes their mind tonight. They just adopted a child a year ago and are in dept so we are hoping they realize they should allow us to adopt.



Sounds like someone at the agency messed up. Did they make the same referral to two different sets of parents? Or is the orphanage working with different agencies and not keeping the paperwork straight.


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## Denton Elliott (Aug 6, 2009)

No. We just both decided to go for the same child...they pulled the trigger first, but technically, the child goes to whoever gets approved and to the orphanage first. I do hope they let us go for this sweet girl though and we can be friends...


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