# Puritans Vs. Ninjas



## tellville

Ok, in the final apocalyptic battle of doom, who would win? Puritans or Ninjas? Discuss. 







VS.


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## Theognome

Puritans, hand's down. No katana can cleave the armor of God, and no bamboo armor can stop a musket ball.

Theognome


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## Hamalas

What if the Ninja's were members of "The Korean American Presbyterian Church"?


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## Theognome

Hamalas said:


> What if the Ninja's were members of "The Korean American Presbyterian Church"?



Then they have an identity crisis. Ninja's are Japanese.

Theognome


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## VictorBravo

Three words:

New Model Army.


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## Pergamum

Ha, both are sissies.

Puritans wear wigs (powdered ones too!) and Ninjas wear their hair in a bun.....ah, how cute!


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## ManleyBeasley

Cromwell's army was pretty stout. Those pagan ninjas would go down hard.


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## a mere housewife

Pergamum said:


> Ha, both are sissies.
> 
> Puritans wear wigs (powdered ones too!) and Ninjas wear their hair in a bun.....ah, how cute!



A highly reasoned argument Pergy. But the ninjas hide knives and things in their hair. I had to vote ninjas.


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## MrMerlin777

Depends on the type of confrontation. The dishonorable ninja assasin would most likely just sneak in under cover of darkness and stab said puritan in the back. However, in a face to face confrontation the puritan would most likely just shoot the ninja down with out blinking and then go smoke a pipe read Scripture and have a beer.


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## Clay7926

But what if they were Reformed Ninjas?


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## MrMerlin777

Clay7926 said:


> But what if they were Reformed Ninjas?



Since ninjas are assasins, if one became Reformed they probably would quit being a ninja and then some other ninja would assasinate them.


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## Rich Koster

Visions of Inspector Cleuseau and Kato flash through my mind......


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## MrMerlin777

Rich Koster said:


> Visions of Inspector Cleuseau and Kato flash through my mind......





"Special delivery, a bomb, were you expecting one?"


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## Hamalas

Theognome said:


> Hamalas said:
> 
> 
> 
> What if the Ninja's were members of "The Korean American Presbyterian Church"?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then they have an identity crisis. Ninja's are Japanese.
> 
> Theognome
Click to expand...


Sir, I do not accept your statement! I refuse to acknowledge your position simply because the facts are on your side.


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## Rangerus

the Hillbilly Ninjas are by far the most notorious! 

[video=youtube;GuigcXvcy1A]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuigcXvcy1A[/video]


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## Pergamum

a mere housewife said:


> Pergamum said:
> 
> 
> 
> Ha, both are sissies.
> 
> Puritans wear wigs (powdered ones too!) and Ninjas wear their hair in a bun.....ah, how cute!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A highly reasoned argument Pergy. But the ninjas hide knives and things in their hair. I had to vote ninjas.
Click to expand...


Oh, 

It's a little noticed fact that in the famous portrait of Jonathan Edwards in his powdered wig, if you look closely enough, you can see a throwing stair tucked away behind his left ear. He also wrote a treatise on Bushido.


P.s. why the serious look in your new avatar! Where's the smile?


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## reformed trucker

Puritans. Ninjas are evil. Evil always loses.


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## a mere housewife

I'm hiding a knife in my teeth Pergy. It makes it very awkward to smile. 

Ruben thought I looked very formidable in that photo. I had hoped to intimidate people with it.


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## Pergamum

Heidi - Puritan Ninja Warrior!


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## calgal

Puritan pirates would take out ninjas.


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## steven-nemes

Don't go ninja'n nobody [that] don't need ninja'n!


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## Hamalas

Rangerus said:


> the Hillbilly Ninjas are by far the most notorious!
> 
> YouTube - Kung Fu Hillbilly - Training Video


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## Theognome

Hamalas said:


> Theognome said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hamalas said:
> 
> 
> 
> What if the Ninja's were members of "The Korean American Presbyterian Church"?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then they have an identity crisis. Ninja's are Japanese.
> 
> Theognome
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Sir, I do not accept your statement! I refuse to acknowledge your position simply because the facts are on your side.
Click to expand...


Yeah, I know. I've got an Arminian acquaintance who oft says the same thing...

Theognome


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## Hamalas




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## Grymir

Ninjas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## tellville

Theognome said:


> Hamalas said:
> 
> 
> 
> What if the Ninja's were members of "The Korean American Presbyterian Church"?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then they have an identity crisis. Ninja's are Japanese.
> 
> Theognome
Click to expand...


But just as Puritanism can transcend culture so can the sacred art of the Ninja. 

So the point still stands: What if the Ninja's were members of "the Korean American Presbyterian Church?"


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## Theognome

tellville said:


> Theognome said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hamalas said:
> 
> 
> 
> What if the Ninja's were members of "The Korean American Presbyterian Church"?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then they have an identity crisis. Ninja's are Japanese.
> 
> Theognome
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> But just as Puritanism can transcend culture so can the sacred art of the Ninja.
> 
> So the point still stands: What if the Ninja's were members of "the Korean American Presbyterian Church?"
Click to expand...


Puritanism doesn't transcend culture, it creates culture. And, since Ninja's are the result of a Shintoist culture, the ninjas in the church you describe would, through faithful necessity, beat their throwing stars into plowshares and become Puritans. So, once again, the Ninja's lose and Puritanism wins!

So there.

Theognome


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## tellville

Theognome said:


> tellville said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Theognome said:
> 
> 
> 
> Then they have an identity crisis. Ninja's are Japanese.
> 
> Theognome
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But just as Puritanism can transcend culture so can the sacred art of the Ninja.
> 
> So the point still stands: What if the Ninja's were members of "the Korean American Presbyterian Church?"
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Puritanism doesn't transcend culture, it creates culture. And, since Ninja's are the result of a Shintoist culture, the ninjas in the church you describe would, through faithful necessity, beat their throwing stars into plowshares and become Puritans. So, once again, the Ninja's lose and Puritanism wins!
> 
> So there.
> 
> Theognome
Click to expand...


Ah, but Puritanism comes from a Biblical worldview and a Biblical worldview translates itself into other cultures. This is one of the big differences between Islam and Christianity. Thus, while Puritans were the result of their European/North American culture translated and reformed by biblical teaching, Ninja's from the Korean Presbyterian Church of America could also be the result of various cultural influences reformed and shapen by a Biblical worldview.

So the point still stands: What if the Ninja's were members of "the Korean American Presbyterian Church?"


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## Theognome

tellville said:


> Theognome said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> tellville said:
> 
> 
> 
> But just as Puritanism can transcend culture so can the sacred art of the Ninja.
> 
> So the point still stands: What if the Ninja's were members of "the Korean American Presbyterian Church?"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Puritanism doesn't transcend culture, it creates culture. And, since Ninja's are the result of a Shintoist culture, the ninjas in the church you describe would, through faithful necessity, beat their throwing stars into plowshares and become Puritans. So, once again, the Ninja's lose and Puritanism wins!
> 
> So there.
> 
> Theognome
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Ah, but Puritanism comes from a Biblical worldview and a Biblical worldview translates itself into other cultures. This is one of the big differences between Islam and Christianity. Thus, while Puritans were the result of their European/North American culture translated and reformed by biblical teaching, Ninja's from the Korean Presbyterian Church of America could also be the result of various cultural influences reformed and shapen by a Biblical worldview.
> 
> So the point still stands: What if the Ninja's were members of "the Korean American Presbyterian Church?"
Click to expand...


Nay, the point doesn't stand at all. You are now asking if Reformed Christians would, through the transformation of culture, put aside their biblical worldview and cream the **** out of each other. This is the flaw of your position, for the Ninja- which is based on an unbiblical worldview, would cease to exist under the triumphant worldview of Christ risen and become Puritan. Thus the Puritan wins through absorption. 

So there.

Theognome


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## Pergamum

Theognome said:


> tellville said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Theognome said:
> 
> 
> 
> Then they have an identity crisis. Ninja's are Japanese.
> 
> Theognome
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But just as Puritanism can transcend culture so can the sacred art of the Ninja.
> 
> So the point still stands: What if the Ninja's were members of "the Korean American Presbyterian Church?"
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Puritanism doesn't transcend culture, it creates culture. And, since Ninja's are the result of a Shintoist culture, the ninjas in the church you describe would, through faithful necessity, beat their throwing stars into plowshares and become Puritans. So, once again, the Ninja's lose and Puritanism wins!
> 
> So there.
> 
> Theognome
Click to expand...



The Puritans, too, were children of their culture. And ninjas did their fair share of culture-shaping.

And now millions of women in the mslms world even follow Ninja fashion sense and dress in black from head to toe... 



Ninjas - not only culture-makers, but fashionistas too!


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## JohnGill

*Puritans, why it's obvious*

Quote attributed to Emperor Napoleon

I'd rather meet 5,000 soldiers well generaled and well vittled than one Calvinist who's convinced he's in the will of God.

Of course this doesn't deal with the issue of Calvinist ninjas. But Theognome can answer that issue.


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## Brother John

Rangerus said:


> the Hillbilly Ninjas are by far the most notorious!
> 
> YouTube - Kung Fu Hillbilly - Training Video


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## kvanlaan

> The Puritans, too, were children of their culture.



You know, Diamond Dave said not to ninja nothin that didn't need ninja-in'. 

You may need ninja-in'.


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## Honor

[video=youtube;ehQo7s_02sc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehQo7s_02sc[/video]


dude seriously... this guy is awesome!


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## Classical Presbyterian

As the musical Oklahoma teaches us all: "Oh the Ninja and the Puritan should be friends!" (or is that Annie Get Your Gun??)

Was Grymir suggesting that we recruit Teenage Mutant Ninja Puritans?


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## LawrenceU

Honor said:


> YouTube - Ask A Ninja Question 18 "Minjas"
> 
> 
> dude seriously... this guy is awesome!





' . . . screamy and painy . . .'


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## PresbyDane




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## matthew11v25

*It would be the funniest looking battle EVER!!! Fact of the matter is with Tom Cruise fighting for the Ninjas…they would be unstoppable!!! The mere awful sight of Cruise would drive the Puritans back onto the Mayflower*


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## New Englander

I had a long class tonight and this just made it all better!


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## Skyler

Puritans, so long as the AskANinja Ninja doesn't show up. If he does, they'll be too busy laughing to fight.


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## Hawaiian Puritan

Pergamum said:


> a mere housewife said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Pergamum said:
> 
> 
> 
> Ha, both are sissies.
> 
> Puritans wear wigs (powdered ones too!) and Ninjas wear their hair in a bun.....ah, how cute!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A highly reasoned argument Pergy. But the ninjas hide knives and things in their hair. I had to vote ninjas.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Oh,
> 
> It's a little noticed fact that in the famous portrait of Jonathan Edwards in his powdered wig, if you look closely enough, you can see a throwing stair tucked away behind his left ear. He also wrote a treatise on Bushido.
Click to expand...


And don't forget his most famous sermon: "Samurai in the Hands of an Angry God."


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## tellville

Hawaiian Puritan said:


> And don't forget his most famous sermon: \"Samurai in the Hands of an Angry God.\"





Don't forgot the great hymn to the Ninja:

[video=youtube;GFLGRidfFo4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFLGRidfFo4[/video]


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## Theognome

*Biblical Ninjas?*

Here's a KJV Ninja story for ya-

The treacherous dealer(Is. 21:2)of death(2Cor.2:16)crept in(Jude 4)by stealth(2Sam,19:3)through the window(Josh.2:15). He was clothed(Rev.19:13)in vile raiment(Jas.2:2)that was(Gen.2:19)black as a raven(Song5:11)and he moved(2Sam.24:1)in silence(Ps.94:17)toward his(Lev.13:41)prey(Num.31:11). Slowly(Acts27:7), he reached(Ruth2:14)into his sack(Gen.42:25)and drew forth(1Ch.19:16)the morning star(Rev.2:28). The poison of asps(Job20:16)danced(Mt.14:6)on the edge of the(Jos.8:24)weapon in his hand(2Ch.23:10)while(De.19:6)the king slept(2Ki.14:22); blind to(Mt.15:31)the peril(La.5:9)that had come(Ex.18:8). Suddenly he(Mr.13:36)threw(Lu.9:42)the star(Am.5:26)at the king(2Sa.9:13), piercing(Heb.4:12)his neck(Gen.45:14). His work(Gen.2:2) finished, the(Ex.40:33)murderer(Hos.9:13)slipped away out of(1Sam.19:10)the room(Mt.2:22)and into the(Gen.12:5)darkness from(Job23:17)which he had(Gen.8:6)come(Nu.24:24).

Theognome


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## Knoxienne

Your KJV Ninja story was very clever and creative, Honey!


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## Theognome

Now you know why I left the Strongs on the computer desk. Thanks for cleaning up after me.

Theognome


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## forgivenmuch

MrMerlin777 said:


> Depends on the type of confrontation. The dishonorable ninja assasin would most likely just sneak in under cover of darkness and stab said puritan in the back. However, in a face to face confrontation the puritan would most likely just shoot the ninja down with out blinking and then go smoke a pipe read Scripture and have a beer.



I like this a lot, more specifically, the last sentence.


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## Pergamum

Unfortunately, the Ninja version of Ephesians tell us to watch out for the throwing stars of the Enemy rather than the fiery darts of the Devil. They believe in dynamic equivalence translations and ths their cause will fail.


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## Ezekiel3626

Theognome said:


> Here's a KJV Ninja story for ya-
> 
> The treacherous dealer(Is. 21:2)of death(2Cor.2:16)crept in(Jude 4)by stealth(2Sam,19:3)through the window(Josh.2:15). He was clothed(Rev.19:13)in vile raiment(Jas.2:2)that was(Gen.2:19)black as a raven(Song5:11)and he moved(2Sam.24:1)in silence(Ps.94:17)toward his(Lev.13:41)prey(Num.31:11). Slowly(Acts27:7), he reached(Ruth2:14)into his sack(Gen.42:25)and drew forth(1Ch.19:16)the morning star(Rev.2:28). The poison of asps(Job20:16)danced(Mt.14:6)on the edge of the(Jos.8:24)weapon in his hand(2Ch.23:10)while(De.19:6)the king slept(2Ki.14:22); blind to(Mt.15:31)the peril(La.5:9)that had come(Ex.18:8). Suddenly he(Mr.13:36)threw(Lu.9:42)the star(Am.5:26)at the king(2Sa.9:13), piercing(Heb.4:12)his neck(Gen.45:14). His work(Gen.2:2) finished, the(Ex.40:33)murderer(Hos.9:13)slipped away out of(1Sam.19:10)the room(Mt.2:22)and into the(Gen.12:5)darkness from(Job23:17)which he had(Gen.8:6)come(Nu.24:24).
> 
> Theognome



Clever, very clever !


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## tellville

Ninja Dance.


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## apaleífo̱

Pergamum said:


> Theognome said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> tellville said:
> 
> 
> 
> But just as Puritanism can transcend culture so can the sacred art of the Ninja.
> 
> So the point still stands: What if the Ninja's were members of "the Korean American Presbyterian Church?"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Puritanism doesn't transcend culture, it creates culture. And, since Ninja's are the result of a Shintoist culture, the ninjas in the church you describe would, through faithful necessity, beat their throwing stars into plowshares and become Puritans. So, once again, the Ninja's lose and Puritanism wins!
> 
> So there.
> 
> Theognome
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> The Puritans, too, were children of their culture. And ninjas did their fair share of culture-shaping.
> 
> And now millions of women in the mslms world even follow Ninja fashion sense and dress in black from head to toe...
> 
> 
> 
> Ninjas - not only culture-makers, but fashionistas too!
Click to expand...


Hmm...I would have to say that in that department, the Puritans triumph there, too. Who can honestly beat good, comely Puritan garb (certainly is an improvement compared with those dresses they wore during the Restoration!)? I often think that modern fashion would be much more interesting if it took some serious tips from the seventeenth century...


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## Pergamum

It's hard to fight in a powdered wig.


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## Athaleyah

But once you master it, you get to look really cool. Ninjas don't have that.


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## Backwoods Presbyterian

John Knox was/is the toughest human being who ever lived...


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## Honor

Athaleyah said:


> But once you master it, you get to look really cool. Ninjas don't have that.


you don't know that... they could have a powdered wing underneath the black ninja outfit.


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## Skyler

Pergamum said:


> It's hard to fight in a powdered wig.



Powdered wigs make an excellent diversion in the case of an emergency. Simply spin it very fast, generating a large cloud of white powder to cover your escape.



Theognome said:


> Now you know why I left the Strongs on the computer desk. Thanks for cleaning up after me.
> 
> Theognome



You should use eSword, Theognome. Then you don't have to drag out the Strongs. 



Honor said:


> Athaleyah said:
> 
> 
> 
> But once you master it, you get to look really cool. Ninjas don't have that.
> 
> 
> 
> you don't know that... they could have a powdered wing underneath the black ninja outfit.
Click to expand...


Typically, I think, they wear their wigs on top of the ninja outfit. Cf. the "Ninjas & Pirates" episode on the Ask-A-Ninja website.


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## charliejunfan

Puritan's would make the ninjas cry simply because they were so much more sophisticated and intelectual. The ninjas would just be like, why am I still wearing a bed cloth for clothes, these puritan people are all fancily dressed.


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## DouglasT

Do Calvinist Ninja throwing stars have 5 points?

-----Added 3/11/2009 at 07:15:45 EST-----

Do Calvinist Ninja throwing stars have 5 points


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## JohnGill

DouglasT said:


> Do Calvinist Ninja throwing stars have 5 points?
> 
> -----Added 3/11/2009 at 07:15:45 EST-----
> 
> Do Calvinist Ninja throwing stars have 5 points



No, 6 points. You forgot the 6th point - The Burning of Heretics.






From A Puritan's Mind.


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## Annalissa

Have to go with ninjas, although a Puritan ninja would be a stellar combo.


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## forgivenmuch

DouglasT said:


> Do Calvinist Ninja throwing stars have 5 points?
> 
> -----Added 3/11/2009 at 07:15:45 EST-----
> 
> Do Calvinist Ninja throwing stars have 5 points


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