# Can you debate theology with your spouse/significant other?



## RamistThomist (Jan 15, 2005)

if you differ with that person, can you discuss your differences (in theology) without getting personally attached to the issue? Or are there som taboo subjects that are just not mentioned?


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## ReformedWretch (Jan 15, 2005)

I am lucky to have a wife that sees me as her teacher in these matters. I count it a great privledge.

I do debate with my mother. We both handle it well but my dad *HATES* it.


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## turmeric (Jan 15, 2005)

I try not to debate with my mom anymore - she's getting too old to find all her words, for one thing. Also, there's some emotional thing she's got with Israel right now. She knows I'm attending a Presbyterian church (though not that I'm a member) and she hasn't disowned me, which is a major concession for her. I just do the 'yes, dear" thing a lot and hope I'm not lying. There just doesn't seem any point to doing anything else.


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## RamistThomist (Jan 15, 2005)

My problem is that I view every disagreance with a doctrine I hold as an attack on the mind of God as well. Any help?


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## Charismatic Calvinist (Jan 16, 2005)

> _Originally posted by houseparent_
> I am lucky to have a wife that sees me as her teacher in these matters. I count it a great privledge.



Amen Adam. My wife is the same way. Nobody in family wants to talk about my faith with me. My dad & step family are Mormons!


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## ChristianasJourney (Jan 16, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Draught Horse_
> My problem is that I view every disagreance with a doctrine I hold as an attack on the mind of God as well. Any help?



Only if you're right and they're wrong, it is possible that in some instances they may be right. in my opinion all such situations should be used to re-look at your doctrine and make sure that it does indeed fit with scripture. And then with that confidence you should recognize that the only reason why you can see this is because God opened your eyes to it, and not because of anything you did. This should increase your humility, and your prayers for the other person. And it is only with a humble heart that you'll be able to get the other person to see anything. 

If you keep them on the defensive they'll shut you out, and won't hear a word you say unless you completely back them into a corner, and whatever concession they make will come grudgingly, and not with their heart.

[Edited on 16-1-2005 by ChristianasJourney]


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Jan 16, 2005)

I recommend reading Daniel Defoe's book _Religious Courtship_. It has a lot to say in connection with the principle found in Amos 3.3: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

http://www.puritanboard.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=7867

Husbands and wives need not agree on every single point of doctrine, but there should be a strong basis of agreement in religious matters above all others. Also, of fundamental importance to a healthy marriage, is the abililty to deal with the disagreements that will inevitably arise. The principle of headship and submission must be there, and charity/compassion/respect on both sides is crucial. 1 Peter 3 has lessons for both husbands and wives in this regard about how to witness one to another. See also Ephesians 5.

I commend Wayne Mack's books _Preparing for Marriage God's Way_ and _Strengthening Your Marriage_.


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