# How should I lead a weekly bible study with my girlfriend?



## jd.morrison

How should I lead a weekly bible study with my girlfriend?

I am looking for a guided bible study that is reformed, and will help us to grow in Christ and grow together. Or is there something else I should do?

I also am hoping this could be a stepping stone towards family worship, if things go where I think they are going.


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## OPC'n

you could start with either the WCF or WSC.


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## Believer1993

I've attempted to do the same thing. What I reccomend is just pick one of the Gospels and read through it bit by bit. Give your thoughts, and have your gal share her's. You'll need to invest in a decent commentary for this, or find some good info/sermons on the internet. But, this really worked for me. I've had some really good conversations, plus your gal will get to go through all of Jesus' ministry with you.

Hope everything goes well!


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## SolaScriptura

Brother, I applaud you for your desire to try to get your relationship off on a good foot and to try to instill, from the very beginning, a good foundation for your spiritual leadership with her.

But please believe me when I say: As counter-intuitive as it may seem to you, having a one-on-one Bible study with your girlfriend is not a good idea. If you want to really get your relationship off to a good start, then keep your relationship in the light of accountability. I recommend working with and through your local church to either plug into an existing Bible study or get one started. But things can get really dicey, real quick, when you do one-on-one with a girlfriend.

Just my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.


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## OPC'n

SolaScriptura said:


> Brother, I applaud you for your desire to try to get your relationship off on a good foot and to try to instill, from the very beginning, a good foundation for your spiritual leadership with her.
> 
> But please believe me when I say: As counter-intuitive as it may seem to you, having a one-on-one Bible study with your girlfriend is not a good idea. If you want to really get your relationship off to a good start, then keep your relationship in the light of accountability. I recommend working with and through your local church to either plug into an existing Bible study or get one started. But things can get really dicey, real quick, when you do one-on-one with a girlfriend.
> 
> Just my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.



Why would it get dicey? Do you mean being alone together studying the Bible or them studying the Bible without someone who knows more about the Bible?


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## Pilgrim

OPC'n said:


> SolaScriptura said:
> 
> 
> 
> Brother, I applaud you for your desire to try to get your relationship off on a good foot and to try to instill, from the very beginning, a good foundation for your spiritual leadership with her.
> 
> But please believe me when I say: As counter-intuitive as it may seem to you, having a one-on-one Bible study with your girlfriend is not a good idea. If you want to really get your relationship off to a good start, then keep your relationship in the light of accountability. I recommend working with and through your local church to either plug into an existing Bible study or get one started. But things can get really dicey, real quick, when you do one-on-one with a girlfriend.
> 
> Just my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Why would it get dicey? Do you mean being alone together studying the Bible or them studying the Bible without someone who knows more about the Bible?
Click to expand...


Although the wording is perhaps not as direct as it could be, I'm pretty sure that Ben's concern is (for the most part) about something else entirely, especially if the idea is that the study is to be held in one or the other's residence when no one else will be present.


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## OPC'n

well I think that's a huge assumption without Joshua saying they would be all alone in a house, don't you?


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## Pilgrim

OPC'n said:


> well I think that's a huge assumption without Joshua saying they would be all alone in a house, don't you?



Perhaps so. I think it's good advice _if_ the assumption is correct. If the assumption is wrong, the Ben isn't the first or last to post here assuming facts not in evidence.


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## SolaScriptura

Pilgrim said:


> OPC'n said:
> 
> 
> 
> well I think that's a huge assumption without Joshua saying they would be all alone in a house, don't you?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Perhaps so. I think it's good advice _if_ the assumption is correct. If the assumption is wrong, the Ben isn't the first or last to post here assuming facts not in evidence.
Click to expand...


That's right... I'm "the Ben." Now THAT is cool. 

He wrote that he wants to have a Bible study "with his girlfriend." Not that he wants a study with his girlfriend and others. And he specifically hoped this would lead to family worship later. So while I may be wrong, I'm guessing he means that he wants to do a one-on-one Bible study with his girlfriend. Which I maintain is not a good idea, however well intentioned it may be.


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## OPC'n

SolaScriptura said:


> Pilgrim said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> OPC'n said:
> 
> 
> 
> well I think that's a huge assumption without Joshua saying they would be all alone in a house, don't you?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Perhaps so. I think it's good advice _if_ the assumption is correct. If the assumption is wrong, the Ben isn't the first or last to post here assuming facts not in evidence.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> That's right... I'm "the Ben." Now THAT is cool.
> 
> He wrote that he wants to have a Bible study "with his girlfriend." Not that he wants a study with his girlfriend and others. And he specifically hoped this would lead to family worship later. So while I may be wrong, I'm guessing he means that he wants to do a one-on-one Bible study with his girlfriend. Which I maintain is not a good idea, however well intentioned it may be.
Click to expand...


But what if she is still living with her family and they are planing on having a Bible study together with her family in the house? Would it still be wrong bc she technically is still under her father's authority?


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## jd.morrison

SolaScriptura said:


> But please believe me when I say: As counter-intuitive as it may seem to you, having a one-on-one Bible study with your girlfriend is not a good idea. If you want to really get your relationship off to a good start, then keep your relationship in the light of accountability. I recommend working with and through your local church to either plug into an existing Bible study or get one started. But things can get really dicey, real quick, when you do one-on-one with a girlfriend


I have been friends (with courting intent) with her since the end of January, and it became official at the end of April. So we have been together for 7 months, and I am starting to really think that I am going to marry this girl.

I will take what you say into consideration, and discuss this with her dad (who has been an amazing guy in helping guide me and helped me out of a couple mine fields).


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## jd.morrison

SolaScriptura said:


> He wrote that he wants to have a Bible study "with his girlfriend." Not that he wants a study with his girlfriend and others. And he specifically hoped this would lead to family worship later. So while I may be wrong, I'm guessing he means that he wants to do a one-on-one Bible study with his girlfriend. Which I maintain is not a good idea, however well intentioned it may be.


Are you meaning that we would be alone and at risk of temptation? Or something else? I was planning on doing the one-on-one study at her parents house where she lives.


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## jd.morrison

OPC'n said:


> But what if she is still living with her family and they are planing on having a Bible study together with her family in the house? Would it still be wrong bc she technically is still under her father's authority?



Her mom and dad had talked privately about Rachel and I doing a bible study, and her mom had started to look into materials. I talked with her mom today and was surprised about that.  Her parents are really really great, and have been such a blessing.


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## OPC'n

jd.morrison said:


> OPC'n said:
> 
> 
> 
> But what if she is still living with her family and they are planing on having a Bible study together with her family in the house? Would it still be wrong bc she technically is still under her father's authority?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Her mom and dad had talked privately about Rachel and I doing a bible study, and her mom had started to look into materials. I talked with her mom today and was surprised about that.  Her parents are really really great, and have been such a blessing.
Click to expand...


Well, it sounds like you have their blessings and it sounds like you are doing things in a proper manner. I guess I would just continue to show that you respect their position and continue to show yourself in an upright manner.


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## Romans922

I would second Ben's advice here. Good desire, however very dangerous. 

My roommate in college once told me that when two hearts (man and woman) grow together spiritually, as they get closer to God they will equally get closer to each other.

Better advice from the Scriptures, "O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases."

You see, this woman has not left her father and mother, and if there is to be private worship or a familial type of worship it should be done with them (it seems like the way you described it that they (her parents) are Christians, so they should be doing family worship with her. If not, you should not fill that void, they should). When it is time for her to leave her father and mother, then it will be your time to lead her in family worship and not before.

Do not awaken love until it pleases!


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## toddpedlar

Apart from some of the more mundane guy-and-girl in a private and secluded location concerns, I would also offer this caution. Until you are her husband, it really is something of a usurping of a role you don't rightly have if you presume to "lead" her in a Bible study, or really in any way. Leadership is not your proper place as yet - you are a young man hoping to gain the approval of her father, and clearly of her, toward your hope to marry... But you oughtn't be trying out the leadership reins... They're not yours to hold yet.


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## PuritanCovenanter

I would seek to get guidance from the Elders. A woman with her and maybe her Dad or an Elder with you. I agree with Todd and Ben. Even if you are at her house you are not in the position to do as you desire here. This was something I failed miserably at and I hope you listen to me.


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## jd.morrison

I am talking about a once a week thing. Her family does not do family worship, my family didn't do it.

So I shouldn't even have a bible study with her once a week? Even with her parents blessing?


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## SolaScriptura

toddpedlar said:


> Apart from some of the more mundane guy-and-girl in a private and secluded location concerns, I would also offer this caution. Until you are her husband, it really is something of a usurping of a role you don't rightly have if you presume to "lead" her in a Bible study, or really in any way. Leadership is not your proper place as yet - you are a young man hoping to gain the approval of her father, and clearly of her, toward your hope to marry... But you oughtn't be trying out the leadership reins... They're not yours to hold yet.



Exactly. My concern isn't JUST the matters surrounding sexuality. But also the matter of prematurely assuming the role of spiritual leader. Additionally, a danger that is all too common is that trying to shepherd her while you're still in the "in love and thinking, hoping, PRAYING that she's the one" stage can blind both your eyes and hers. All around, simply an unwise idea.


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## SolaScriptura

jd.morrison said:


> So I shouldn't even have a bible study with her once a week? Even with her parents blessing?



Brother, I get it. My/our counsel sounds ridiculous. But in this type of situation, where everything from youthful zeal to hormones to pride to genuine affection are running through your brain, I suggest that you're a bit too close to the situation to have perspective. 

I love Bible studies. I lead one! I recommend going to a Bible study. Or doing one on your own. Or with an elder from your church. 
But as for her, why doesn't she connect with ladies in the church, or (gasp!) do one on her own? Why does she need _you_ in order to do it? Isn't there internal motivation on her part to study the Bible? If so, then again, she doesn't need you to study, so I recommend refraining from the "I've got to swoop in and make sure she gets it right" mindset when you, as Todd already mentioned, are NOT her authority. If on the other hand she doesn't really have the internal drive to study on her own and will only do it if you are there to "prop her up," then that begs other questions and raises other concerns.


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## OPC'n

Maybe you could have the weekly Bible study with the whole family. It would give you the opportunity to see what they believe. I found it strange that the mother was gathering the study material for you two for two reasons: why is the mother gathering the study materials for you two instead of the father and if he's missing in this way (huge assumption on my part) what is their belief system (are they reformed or not)? If they are not reformed, then here's and opportunity to share that with them. If they are reformed then you have found a family with whom you can study. It's a win win situation and I wouldn't be discouraged in studying with your girlfriend and her family as a group. Of course, they will have to want to do a Bible study and who knows .... if they don't do a study already then they might want to do one.


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## jd.morrison

OPC'n said:


> I found it strange that the mother was gathering the study material for you two


He is currently busy with preparing for teaching a College Class. I am sure that her dad would have and I know that he will be in the near future. Her mom I think was looking for home schooling materials and came across some things and looked them over.

They are Reformed Anglican.


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## JoannaV

I don't think this directly connects to family worship; if you want to do something that could possible lead to being a good foundation for future family worship you could both do some individual devotions at the same time each day so you are on the same schedule, maybe?
And by all means discuss the Bible as often as you converse.

It would be good to engage in some Bible study/discussion within a group. This is more profitable than it may feel 

I'm not convinced it would be a bad idea for the two of you to go through something together though, if the materials were heavily guided (ie the materials provide enough leadership that you're not leading as such) and her parents approve of both the materials and the situation.

One of the issues is that she needs to learn whether she can trust you to lead or not, and she can't do that when she's in a situation where it's too easy to just let you lead, you know? You will both learn more about each other if you are in a situation where someone else is leading.

But still, discuss spiritual things.


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## Ask Mr. Religion

As I recommended elsewhere, JD, try Ligonier Connect.

AMR


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## BibleCyst

You're very blessed to have a woman in your life who is willing to study the word with you. My ex-girlfriend, who belongs to a United Methodist church, was outright hostile to the idea of reading the Bible with me.

I share the concerns of others in this thread, but not to the same degree. You're not her daddy, and you're not her husband. Therefore, you shouldn't be exercising spiritual headship over her. I do, however, think it's a wonderful thing that you wish to grow in your knowledge of the Bible with her. Notice I said WITH her, not over her.

To those who advised against this because it would require being alone together, there is a thing called self control. It's unreasonable to expect a young couple to plan every single meeting in the presence of another.


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## jd.morrison

Ask Mr. Religion said:


> As I recommended elsewhere, JD, try Ligonier Connect.


I have been looking into that from your recommendation from RTI. Thanks Patrick.


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## crixus

You and your girlfriend should try attending a midweek Bible study together at a church taught by a Pastor or Elder? Churches that hold them _usually_ do so on Wednesdays evenings.


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