# For all you fathers and young ladies:



## ~~Susita~~ (Oct 15, 2006)

Thought y'all might enjoy this - I actually typed it out and carry it in my backpack.

Application for Permission to Court My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME________________________DATE OF BIRTH__________________

HEIGHT________WEIGHT________IQ_________ GPA________________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_______________DRIVERS LICENSE #__________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________

HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STATE__________ ZIP_________

Do you have parents? __Yes __No
Is one male and the other female? __Yes __No
If no, explain:
___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________________

If less than your age, explain_____________________________

___________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?	__Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,
pierced tongue, pierced cheek, belly 
button ring or any other piercing? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED “YES” TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend_____________________________________________________

How often you attend_____________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? __________

Mother? __________

Pastor? __________

SHORT ANSWER SECTION

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.



A. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot is:

___________________________________________________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is:

___________________________________________________________

C. A woman’s place is in the:

___________________________________________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

___________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? _________________

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

___________________________________________________________

G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room?

___________________________________________________________















I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_______________________________________
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

__________________ ___________________
Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature

__________________ ___________________
Pastor’s signature State Rep/Congressman

Thank-you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow two to ten years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)


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## Bladestunner316 (Oct 15, 2006)




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## ~~Susita~~ (Oct 15, 2006)

I'm serious, I DO carry that in my backpack!


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## Bladestunner316 (Oct 15, 2006)

For me


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## ReformedWretch (Oct 15, 2006)

AWESOME!


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## Theoretical (Oct 15, 2006)

- That's such a good approach to be taking. I can only imagine how many guys would be caught off guard with that form.

[Edited on 10-15-2006 by Theoretical]


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## ~~Susita~~ (Oct 15, 2006)

Next time that guy at school starts flirting he's getting this shoved in his face


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## ReformedWretch (Oct 15, 2006)

Now if only our girls would accept it as well as you have Susita! If only MY daughter would have!!!

Sigh..


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## ~~Susita~~ (Oct 15, 2006)

Mr. Leavelle, who knows what God has in store? Unfortunately, most of us have to hit our heads before we learn (some harder than others). My brother has gone through this process, and I believe he has a long way to go yet. We both know all we can do is pray and witness as the opportunity allows - and I'll keep praying for your baby.


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## Contra_Mundum (Oct 15, 2006)

I understand that this is all in fun, yadayada. But this sentence needs to be re-thought:


> Thank-you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow two to ten years for processing.


As I clean and oil my shotgun in the presence of a would-be suitor, I plan to ask the following question:

ARE YOU SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO MY DAUGHTER?

If the answer isn't a humble and respectful "Yes Sir!", not only can he NOT court her (he's either lying, or he doesn't know what courtship or marriage is about), he may as well just go home now, because the interview is over...


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## smhbbag (Oct 15, 2006)

I've seen things similar to this, with one hilarious add-in at the bottom:

"I'm sure you've been told that sex without a barrier method is dangerous, and that it can eventually kill you.

But in the case of my daughter, I AM THE BARRIER AND I WILL KILL YOU."


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## ~~Susita~~ (Oct 15, 2006)

Hmmm yes, quite true, Reverend Buchanan. How would you suggest that I change that bottom line?


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## Contra_Mundum (Oct 15, 2006)

Shot from the lip:

"Thank you for your interest. It better be genuine, because I don't suffer fools gladly. Your interest in sex better be less than your fear of God. Fear of me, although necessary, is insufficient. Allow as much time for processing your application as I deem necessary."


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## Theoretical (Oct 15, 2006)

> _Originally posted by Contra_Mundum_
> Shot from the lip:
> 
> "Thank you for your interest. It better be genuine, because I don't suffer fools gladly. Your interest in sex better be less than your fear of God. Fear of me, although necessary, is insufficient. Allow as much time for processing your application as I deem necessary."





Two things:

1. I pray my future-in-law would be courageous enough and insightful enough to make a response in this manner.

2. I pray that I would have the moral strength to be able to be this direct and forceful, yet wise, in dealing with potential suitors of any daughters the Lord may give my future wife and I.


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## ~~Susita~~ (Oct 15, 2006)

> _Originally posted by Contra_Mundum_
> Shot from the lip:
> 
> "Thank you for your interest. It better be genuine, because I don't suffer fools gladly. Your interest in sex better be less than your fear of God. Fear of me, although necessary, is insufficient. Allow as much time for processing your application as I deem necessary."



Much better, thanks!


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## ~~Susita~~ (Oct 15, 2006)

Oh, and he'll have to get on this board and introduce himself to ya'll as well.


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## LadyCalvinist (Oct 16, 2006)




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## LadyFlynt (Oct 16, 2006)

That was on an IFB pastor's blog some time back (actually, I think he is taking credit for it). I have considered printing it.


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## bradofshaw (Oct 16, 2006)

It's things like this that give courtship a bad name. Tell the creeps no, and show the decent guys a little respect.


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## LadyFlynt (Oct 16, 2006)

> _Originally posted by bradofshaw_
> It's things like this that give courtship a bad name. Tell the creeps no, and show the decent guys a little respect.


Okay, you would so not be courting one of my daughters...


to be in this family you HAVE to have a sense of humour.


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## gwine (Oct 16, 2006)

> _Originally posted by LadyFlynt_
> 
> 
> > _Originally posted by bradofshaw_
> ...



Well, you did say your sense of humor was warped. I for one would never have wasted my time filling out the application.

I wish you all the best.


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## Hungus (Oct 16, 2006)

I am not a father, nor due to various circumstance will i ever be one (bromine poisoning in a lab), but I have stepped in a few times when a female friend whose own father had passed away was approached by a young man for the purposes of dating and I have always fallen back on Greg Price's format. (I also have been known to be cleaning my shotgun when doing the interview with my boots up on the table I will ask certain questions white looking down the barrel at him 

Here is Price's interview question list:


> APPENDIX A
> The Interview
> This list of questions is only suggestive of the knowledge a father should have of a potential suitor for his child. Many of the following questions are designed with a male suitor in view, but they may be altered to include a young lady your son desires to court as well. In many cases, the father will be so well acquainted with the potential suitor that many of the following questions will be unnecessary. However, the father should be assured that his knowledge of the potential suitor encompasses the breadth of knowledge assumed by these questions. The father should also make phone calls to the suitor’s parents, elders, and friends to verify information. This is important because once an emotional attachment has occurred between the courting couple, it complicates matters dramatically.
> 
> ...



[Edited on 10-16-2006 by Hungus]


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## HuguenotHelpMeet (Oct 16, 2006)

I do realize that the intention of this thread is mostly for laughs but I wanted to express just a word of caution to any parents on this board with daughters to remember that we should treat all people with love and humility. I think it's important to keep in mind Christian charity and compassion, especially in these delicate and life important matters.

Hopefully most, if not all, potential suitors for your daughters would be of the same mind as you. Maybe this application isn't meant for them in reality. I suspect that this application is just meant in jest, but I do believe that the heart-attitude behind it is very much present, sadly, in some reformed circles.

Too often, I have witnessed fathers who feel that they have the right to embarrass and humiliate a potential suitor just because they have something very valuable (a most desirable and rare ruby) and therefore feel that they can require any price they set for her. And keep in mind that this could be someone that your daughter will be submitting to someday. We would not want her thoughts of him to begin as someone who was looked down upon and humiliated by her father. I don't think that asking about a gentleman's sexual desire toward your daughter would be an edifying question. First of all, it seems that you'd be setting him up to be tempted to be untruthful and I believe it would not only be embarrassing but so much so that he might rethink his desire to be a part of such a family. Looking out for the best interest of your daughters doesn't have to come at the expense of others.

The fathers that love their daughters so dearly that they would "protect" them from their suitors with use of humiliation and scare tactics may end up losing their daughters to these men by their prideful behavior. I pray that it is not the case.


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## Bladestunner316 (Oct 16, 2006)

Good Post Mrs. Myers!!


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## LadyFlynt (Oct 16, 2006)

Jessica, that is excellent. It's true...I would not have a young man fill out an application. And I do see it as jest to the idea that we are protective of our children.


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## bradofshaw (Oct 16, 2006)

Great points Jessica!!


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## JasonGoodwin (Oct 16, 2006)

Susan,

I know that Josh McDowell may not be the best "theological" example to follow, but I'll never forget what he said when I went to a Petra concert in Denver back in 1989. He said that his daughter knew to tell a young man that if the kid wanted to do something "outside the bounds of marriage" (Mods: this is as clean as I can make it), then he would have to call her father. Then she would tell the kid that if it was all right with her father, then it was all right with her.

Granted, there would be a loophole to that, but not much. The young man would either 1. learn from the example and be content 2. be upset about it (for all the wrong _and_ selfish reasons, or 3. call her father and lie about his obvious response. With the last one, she'd see right through him and know that her father wouldn't allow it.

Just some food for thought.:lightbulb:


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## ~~Susita~~ (Oct 17, 2006)

If he can't laugh at it then his sense of humor wouldn't fit with my family's very sarcastic (warped?) humor. I don't expect him to actually fill it out and get the signatures of his mother, father, pastor, state representative/congressman, sheesh. Mainly it would get the point across of how my family operates: My father is the head of our family and I trust his judgment - something that I've learned to trust the hard way. If he doesn't ask my father first, then it's an automatic NO; no matter how much of a "nice Christian young man" he is.

Thank-you for y'all's input, though


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## Cheshire Cat (Oct 17, 2006)

I wonder how many of the men administering these "tests" would have fared if they were made to take the tests in their younger days.


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## ReformedWretch (Oct 17, 2006)

I still LOVE it!


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## Bladestunner316 (Oct 17, 2006)

What about a test for the future young lady? Why is she innocent - let her go through a proverbs 31 test by the future mother in law!


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## ReformedWretch (Oct 17, 2006)

You know what's funny? My girls (the ones my wife and I live with) all LOVED this. Most asked me to please print it out and give it to them to keep. I was shocked. I expected them to roll their eyes and think "There goes crazy Mr. Leavelle again" but instead they've embraced it. Even one of my former kids who is now 23 with two daughters of her own e-mailed me after seeing it on my "My Space" page and said "that's why I love you Mr. Leavelle!"


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## Contra_Mundum (Oct 17, 2006)

> _Originally posted by caleb_woodrow_
> I wonder how many of the men administering these "tests" would have fared if they were made to take the tests in their younger days.


With the understanding that we are primarily jesting here: TRUE STORIES

1) Someone I know (and I think Andrew (aka V-H) knows) actually had his future F-i-L ask him pretty much the same question I posed. 

I doubt if I'll be that blatant... but another person I know married a person who never did (or refused to?) 'consumate' their relationship. Nightmare.

2) My F-i-L gave me a test. He pulled out his .45 in my presence, disassembled it, reassembled it, cleared it, handed it to me, and told me he like me to do the same. I "passed", primarily because the first thing I did was 'reclear' the weapon.


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