# How do you know who to trust?



## Scott Shahan (Feb 16, 2007)

I get a little skeptical and sometimes cynical about some "christian" people. How do you know "who" to trust? In the past I put a lot of "trust" in certain "Christian" people(friends) and ended up getting burned. The harm gave me an opportunity to forgive, but it did reveal to me that I have poor judgment of charcter. If you say that you believe in Jesus I assume that you are a Christian. This thinking has gotten me into trouble in the past. So who do you know who to trust? Just wondering how others here on the PB work this out......


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## panta dokimazete (Feb 16, 2007)

test the fruits of the spirit...follow matthew 18: 15-17, otherwise...


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Feb 16, 2007)

This is some old practical advice which may be relevant to your question.



VirginiaHuguenot said:


> Among the many gems of wisdom in _The New England Primer_ is this, one of my favorites:
> 
> Have communion with few,
> be intimate with ONE,
> ...


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## panta dokimazete (Feb 16, 2007)

Nice!


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## Scott Shahan (Feb 16, 2007)

VirginiaHuguenot said:


> This is some old practical advice which may be relevant to your question.



good stuff Andrew!!  

But how do I know who is a real Christian? How do I get to be a good fruit inspector? How do I know if someone is telling me the truth, or if they are lying?

thanks,


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## MrMerlin777 (Feb 16, 2007)

Seems to me the only fruit we should be inspecting is our own. People are not perfect even Christian ladies and gentlemen will let people down sometime. It's just the way we are. If we see brethren in obvious sin Matthew 18 applies, but we shouldn't be "skulking around with our pads and pens" wondering when brother "Joe" or sister "Sue" is gonna mess up. And it is not up to us to determine who belongs to Christ and who doesn't. God knows the heart we don't. We must take people at their word.

I try to give everyone the same consideration I'd want for myself. If we get burned once in awhile that's just one of the risks in life we take. I've been deeply hurt by Christian brethren before but God was sovereign even in that He used it for His glory and my good.


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## panta dokimazete (Feb 16, 2007)

I think we are talking more about discerning wolves in sheep's clothing than being judgmental...


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## ajrock2000 (Feb 16, 2007)

Here is an article I read a little while back, it helps in discerning others, and also very good for self-examination.

http://www.gracegems.org/28/alarm_to_the_unconverted5.htm

http://www.gracegems.org has tons of books and articles by puritans and the like for free too, check them out if ya like!


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## BJClark (Feb 16, 2007)

Scott 



> I get a little skeptical and sometimes cynical about some "christian" people. How do you know "who" to trust? In the past I put a lot of "trust" in certain "Christian" people(friends) and ended up getting burned. The harm gave me an opportunity to forgive, but it did reveal to me that I have poor judgment of charcter. If you say that you believe in Jesus I assume that you are a Christian. This thinking has gotten me into trouble in the past. So who do you know who to trust? Just wondering how others here on the PB work this out......



I trust God 100%, everyone else I only trust to disappoint me in some way.

I don't trust anyone until they have proven to me they are trustworthy even in little things, the more little things they are trustworthy in, the more I can begin to trust them with other things.

I don't care if they are Christians or non-Christians, they are still sinners, just like I am...and I don't expect other people to trust me either...until I have proven myself trustworthy to them...sometimes I fail and disappoint.

So what makes a person trustworthy?

Here are a few things I look at:

They keep their word
Their words and actions match
They apologize when they have hurt someone--intentionally or not..if they are made aware of the hurt..they apologize.
They are honest
They are not afraid to say No, if they really don't want to do something, when asked, even if they know the other person may be hurt or disappointed
They take responsibility for their words and actions
They allow others to feel whatever feeling's they are going to feel, and don't try and down play them as non-important. (Feelings are just that, and people need to learn not to react to them).
They respect other people, they don't name call, or brow beat to get their way
They don't try and manipulate others to get what they want



I hope this helps...I'll add more as they come to mind...


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## BJClark (Feb 17, 2007)

Scott 

Some other things to look for:

Watch how they are with others...

if others tell them something and they run and tell you or someone else...you know you can't trust them to keep a confidence.

If they tell someone they will do/help (with) something, and don't show up or don't do it...then you know they will do the same to you.

Remember you can't control others, the only one you can control is yourself (one of the fruits of the spirit is self control, not other control) with that we only need to set the example of being trust worthy in our own words and actions towards others...


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## Gregg (Feb 17, 2007)

Scott Shahan said:


> I get a little skeptical and sometimes cynical about some "christian" people. How do you know "who" to trust? In the past I put a lot of "trust" in certain "Christian" people(friends) and ended up getting burned. The harm gave me an opportunity to forgive, but it did reveal to me that I have poor judgment of charcter. If you say that you believe in Jesus I assume that you are a Christian. This thinking has gotten me into trouble in the past. So who do you know who to trust? Just wondering how others here on the PB work this out......



Seems like the Psalmist had a similar situation...

Psalm 55:12-14


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## bob (Feb 17, 2007)

This is a great question. 

I think that at first glance, we must take people at their word. I often find myself making a stern first impression, but I try to reasonable and to realize that I am not capable of accurately judging the spirit of a man at first glance. Sometimes it is not difficult to judge the fruit of an individual over a period of time. Sometimes we may not find for years that we have placed our trust in a charlatan. Through it all we remain friendly, loving, and willing to forgive at all times. I think perhaps the key to establishing relationships is to look not so much on our own needs and wishes, but rather to focus our attention on what we can do for others.

As far as expectations go, we know that when our friends forsake us, the Lord will lift us up. There comes a time when we learn that only God is true - and that men are liars. I think when fully learn to acknowledge Him in all of our ways and to trust wholly upon Him, He will grant us the grace that we need when we feel abandoned or betrayed.

While it is always frustrating to be taken advantage of or to extend a measure of trust that is abused, we must recognize that we are all sinners saved by the grace of God. 

Of course, we are always willing to recognize when someone has abused our trust, yet we seem to be a little slower to recognize when we ourselves abuse the trust of another. Are we not all prone to be swift to speak and slow to hear? Do we not all enjoy hearing or telling a story about another? Sometimes we spend so much time wondering whether or not we should trust another that we spend to little times contemplating whether or not we ourselves are trustworthy. After awhile we should grow weary of tripping over our 2x4 while picking up another's toothpick.


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## KMK (Feb 17, 2007)

Heb 5:12-14 For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

Sitting under good preaching and lots of practice in applying that preaching to our lives brings healthy discernment.


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## BlackCalvinist (Feb 17, 2007)

Hey Scott,

Completely off topic, but I'm guessing your Free Church is reformed ? 

KJG


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## Scott Shahan (Feb 18, 2007)

BlackCalvinist said:


> Hey Scott,
> 
> Completely off topic, but I'm guessing your Free Church is reformed ?
> 
> KJG



Yes, they teach and believe in the WCF. Our pastor is going to start to take the men's group through Calvin's Institutes starting in March!! 

Friends,

I am probably suffing from my own self-centered fears. I find it hard to trust people because I am afraid of being hurt. The betrayal of my spouse (christian?) has done it's number on me. Through self examination I see that this fear(s) I believe has started to control my life. I do know that God doesn't give the spirit of fear. I do not want to end up making the same mistake again, it is obvious to me that my discernment was and might be still lacking, it seems that I at times have "selective hearing, selective seeing" I hear what I want to hear and I see what I want to see in somebody. This form of self deception is what I am on the look out for. It isn't fun being decieved, I want to know what is real, or who is real?? I am not interested in being a paranoid person either. I just want to know how to trust the "right" kind of people. Just because these people are sitting in the church that I attend doesn't necessarily mean that they are trustworthy people. I am involved in a small group of guys from the church and I do trust these men. It is amazing to me to find out that after getting "burned" how difficult it is to trust again, I know and realize that to some extact everyone is a hypocrite, I am quicker to guard my heart today, but is guarding my heart just my own "self-centered fears". I do not know who to trust, relationships are built on trust, and when I do not trust then there really isn't a relationship/friendship.


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## Ivan (Feb 18, 2007)

Scott Shahan said:


> Yes, they teach and believe in the WCF. Our pastor is going to start to take the men's group through Calvin's Institutes starting in March!!
> 
> Friends,
> 
> I am probably suffing from my own self-centered fears. I find it hard to trust people because I am afraid of being hurt. The betrayal of my spouse (christian?) has done it's number on me. Through self examination I see that this fear(s) I believe has started to control my life. I do know that God doesn't give the spirit of fear. I do not want to end up making the same mistake again, it is obvious to me that my discernment was and might be still lacking, it seems that I at times have "selective hearing, selective seeing" I hear what I want to hear and I see what I want to see in somebody. This form of self deception is what I am on the look out for. It isn't fun being decieved, I want to know what is real, or who is real?? I am not interested in being a paranoid person either. I just want to know how to trust the "right" kind of people. Just because these people are sitting in the church that I attend doesn't necessarily mean that they are trustworthy people. I am involved in a small group of guys from the church and I do trust these men. It is amazing to me to find out that after getting "burned" how difficult it is to trust again, I know and realize that to some extact everyone is a hypocrite, I am quicker to guard my heart today, but is guarding my heart just my own "self-centered fears". I do not know who to trust, relationships are built on trust, and when I do not trust then there really isn't a relationship/friendship.



Do you trust God? Will God teach you discernment? Will God's Word lead you into all truth? Does God heal? 

You're in a process, Scott. Listen to God. Stay in His Word. Follow His Son. 

Trust Him.


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## Scott Shahan (Feb 18, 2007)

BJClark said:


> Scott
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Thanks, Bobbi  

For that list; People with intergity or trustworthy. It is not always easy finding those people that represent that list of yours, nor is it always easy being one of those people on that list. Truth/Trust are vital....


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