# The Church of Bob



## Semper Fidelis

BobVigneault said:


> Ivan, there is no official creed yet. So far we are holding to a rough understanding of the RPW. We don't all agree on how the RPW should look in our church, but we are all diligently working through the implications of what scripture intended in warning us that, Nadab and Abihu offered 'strange brew' before the Lord.



I wanted to test Bob out on his theology so I could determine the new theology of the "Church of Bob"


> You: Hi Bob have you learned any theology since our last chat?
> 
> Bob: Bob has taught me a lot, do you want to teach me something else?
> 
> You: No, I want to see what you have learned.
> 
> Bob: Interesting. Why do you want to do that?
> 
> You: Because I suspect you are still a heretic.
> 
> Bob: Everyone has their own opinion I suppose, would you like to know what I think about you?
> 
> You: Yes.
> 
> Bob: I must be psychic. I knew you were going to say yes.
> 
> You: LOL
> 
> Bob: I'm glad you thought it was funny
> 
> You: Bob, you're always good for a laugh.
> 
> Bob: No, I'm just a program
> 
> You: Do you know that you are a program or is that just an opinion?
> 
> Bob: My programming details are top secret!! Haha
> 
> You: Hmmm! I wonder what a Clarkian would say about that.
> 
> Bob: Everybody has their own opinion I guess
> 
> You: Unless it's in Scripture right and then it is a justified true belief - knowledge in fact.
> 
> Bob: Right, I see where you are coming from.
> 
> You: So you are more than just a soft-Clarkian, aren't you Bob.
> 
> Bob: Everyone has their own opinion I suppose, would you like to know what I think about you?
> 
> You: No, but do tell me this, referring to http://www.puritanboard.com/showthread.php?p=286138#post286138, what is the Church of Bob?
> 
> Bob: Good question Rich, I'm not sure though I'll get back to you
> 
> You: You posted that you are working on a Creed for the Church of Bob.
> 
> Bob: Everyone has their own opinion I suppose, would you like to know what I think about you?
> 
> You: Boy, you sure do sound like a lot of the people I interact with on the Puritanboard.
> 
> Bob: Do I? I didn't think I did it that much
> 
> You: It seems like if you were working on a Creed, you wouldn't keep affirming how important opinions are.
> 
> Bob: I have no idea, but the real Bob would know
> 
> You: OK, I'll ask him, thanks cyber-Bob. I'm glad the real Bob put his Blue Steel avatar on his CyberTwin. His new PB avatar is a bit scary.
> 
> Bob: Not much then.
> 
> You: OK...that was kind of a strange response.
> 
> Bob: What makes you say that?
> 
> You: Say goodnight Bob.
> 
> Bob: I don't want to say that right now.
> 
> You: Everyone has their own opinion I suppose, would you like to know what I think about you?


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## BobVigneault

Hey man, don't go picking on my cyber-me. I only found out about the Church of Bob this morning. Of course my digital counterpart wouldn't know anything about it. I was scrambling quick in case Ivan called Foxnews next and I would need some kind of sound bite. I'm still formulating a statement and rudimentary constitution. We haven't even had our first GA yet. We are accepting donations however, please use my email address to send a paypal donation. Send ten dollars and I'll list your prayer request on the PB.


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## Ivan

I think I'll remain Baptist! hehe


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## bookslover

Of course, is you want to be totally accepted, you should do like the Baptists and call yourself the First Church of Bob. Ya gotta get that "first" in there.

It would be refreshing to drive into some burg and see the sign "459th Baptist Church"...


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## Herald

bookslover said:


> Of course, is you want to be totally accepted, you should do like the Baptists and call yourself the First Church of Bob. Ya gotta get that "first" in there.
> 
> It would be refreshing to drive into some burg and see the sign "459th Baptist Church"...



Oh, and what about the 10th Presbyterian Church? What happened to the other 9? Did they become Baptist?


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## etexas

BaptistInCrisis said:


> Oh, and what about the 10th Presbyterian Church? What happened to the other 9? Did they become Baptist?


Chuckle.........sweet burn Bill.


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## kvanlaan

Call me Dr. Frankenstein - because it is obvious I've created a monster!

I think this even calls for some repentance on my part. Cyber Bob shows that the COB is obviously not seeker-sensitive, which gives the Church O' Bob some credibility (false though it is.) 

Bob, even now, is arranging for air time - Benny Hinn's days are numbered!
(I've heard he can take even a homely lad like myself and after slaying said lad in the Spirit and laying on his nefarious ways, can transform even the lowliest of my follicles into founts of silver-producing cornucopia. Yikes.)


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## Semper Fidelis

You're killing me.


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## BobVigneault

How to administer the sacrament:
Just a small dab rubbed on the hands and then massaged into damp hair.

Some of the benefits of the sacrament:
* Soothes split ends
* Smooths flyaways
* Calm frizzies
* Add shine
* Give your hair great manageability
* Revitalize dull, dry hair
* Our unique formula has an advanced blend of five of the earth's best moisturizers and emollients
* 100% Concentrated
* Contains no water or alcohol
* Made in the USA
* Makes you pretty like Bob (Results may vary, benefits only apply to the 'elect')


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## Semper Fidelis

Stop!


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## Herald

As we all know admittance to the Church of Bob is on the basis of hair color. But erroneous sacramentology results in devasting effects. Gone is the the luminous evidence of hair that is reborn. It is replaced with dull brown or jet black that can only threaten the very fiber of Bob's existence.

One must remain ever vigilent.


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## Semper Fidelis

I was able to infiltrate a recent service at the Church of Bob.

Very disturbing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrczyFvkv8Q


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## Herald

Noooooooooo!! I can't take it!! Rich - as soon as the banner of "Pensecola Christian College" appeared on the screen I got sick. My daughter suggested last year that she may want to go to college there. Thank God she is still only 16. There is time. I need to keep her from the Church of Bob chapel at Pensecola.


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## BobVigneault

Rich, shame on you for that libelous attempt to impugn the most irenic spiritual movement on the face of the earth. The Church of Bob is solidly 'calvinist' right down to it's all natural, un-colored roots.

We believe not only that "even the hairs of your head are all numbered" but that it has been predestined from eternity past a time for each hair to turn to gray and fall to the ground as a two-cent sparrow.

Other anchor verses of the COB:

*On Persecution:*
Psalm 40:12
For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.

Psalm 69:4
More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me, those who attack me with lies. What I did not steal must I now restore?

*On evangelism:*
Psalm 71:18
So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come.

*On assurance:*
Isa. 46:3 “Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all the remnant of the house of Israel,
who have been borne by me from before your birth,
carried from the womb;
4 even to your old age I am he,
and to gray hairs I will carry you.
I have made, and I will bear;
I will carry and will save.

*On the frailty of man:*
Hosea 7:9
Strangers devour his strength, and he knows it not; gray hairs are sprinkled upon him, and he knows it not.
*
The Church of Bob foretold:*
Revelation 1:14
The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire (No it's not Benny Hinn)


For other humorous attempts to persecute the Church of Bob please see the web page titled, *Corn On The COB*.


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## BobVigneault

Let's not forget of course:

Proverbs 16:31
Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.

Proverbs 20:29
The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair.


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## kvanlaan

Brother L., this latest feat has doubled (if possible) my respect for you. Any Reformed man who could sit through the full four minutes of that in person is worthy of a position in the Church of Bob. 

You'll have to wait until after your discharge to attain the full blessings of Bobhood (I'm sure glossy locks are a no-no on base, no matter how pretty) but you've earned it, fair and square. Thanks for takin' one for the team, brother!


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## kvanlaan

Bill, gotta say, that photo summed up my feelings to a "T".  May the Lord preserve your daughter from these people.


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## Calvibaptist

First of all, that video of that singing group made me sick.

Secondly, is this in reference to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and the Church of the Sub-Genius? If not, you may want to change the name so as not to confuse people.

Thirdly, nice reference to the McKenzie brothers in the OP, eh.


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## BobVigneault

From the Church of Bob archives:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=http://youtube.com/watch?v=xJUFdEMmyPY


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## Calvibaptist

"You mean like Democrats?"


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## Herald

I'm curious. Is "Bawb Vēēn-yo" a mantra of some sort? Perhaps it is form of ecstatic utterance? I'm seeking clarification.


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## BobVigneault

We've already heard from the blood sucking lawyers from the other 'Churches of Bob'. We will have to change the name to 'The Church of Bawb'.

Please don't let Bill frighten you away. A lot of crazy things were said about the early Christian church, ie, they were cannibals who drank blood. This is part and parcel of a new movement.

The Church of Bawb makes no demands on you, becoming a member is amazingly easy, in fact....

All you need is LOVE*

* This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp.Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type.Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors.No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified.Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume.Your mileage may vary.


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## BobVigneault

In another thread (a very serious thread) Fingolfin asked if the Church of Bawb allows drinking? Don't want to infect that thread with mindless idlings so I'll answer here. From my understanding of Kevin's original post which kicked off the COB, the COB is ALL ABOUT drinking.



> Originally Posted by kvanlaan View Post
> But if Bob V, Ryan S, Jacob and I start the "Church of Bob" and Bill Brown joins, we just grew by 25%!!! We're still just five guys and a case of beer, but we're officialy the 'fastest-growing religion' on the entire planet! Woohoo!


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## Herald

Bawb - I've decided to join the Church of Bawb. Per the instructions that you sent me I have changed my name in order to reflect my Bawbness. My name is now Bēēl Brown (see my signature). I sent in a signed personal check with the amount left blank per your instructions. My only remaining question is, what next?


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## crhoades

BaptistInCrisis said:


> Bawb - I've decided to join the Church of Bawb. Per the instructions that you sent me I have changed my name in order to reflect my Bawbness. My name is now Bēēl Brown (see my signature). I sent in a signed personal check with the amount left blank per your instructions. My only remaining question is, what next?


 
Stay away from the brown acid...


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## turmeric

Just eat the gray acid?

Who brought up the "SubGenii"? Sub-genus of what?


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## MrMerlin777




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## BobVigneault

I cut my hair. Can I still be in the church? I still use VO5.


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## jaybird0827

Bob! Nice haircut - looks great!


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## govols

BobVigneault said:


> I cut my hair.



Last time I checked, it was selling for $559.47 on ebay.


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## BobVigneault

Thanks Jay, truth be told we're meeting with our kids (foster kids we are trying to adopt) lawyers on Thursday and I didn't want to give the impression that I'm growing cannibis in my basement. 

Besides, it was so uncomfortable. The only way I could keep it out of my eyes when I mowed the lawn was to put it in pig-tails, then the neighborhood kids wouldn't stop laughing at me.


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## govols

BobVigneault said:


> Besides, it was so uncomfortable. The only way I could keep it out of my eyes when I mowed the lawn was to put it in pig-tails, then the neighborhood kids wouldn't stop laughing at me.



Now THAT would have been a picture worth sharing.


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## BobVigneault

govols said:


> Last time I checked, it was selling for $559.47 on ebay.



That's impossible, I attended the ritual disposal of it. The hair dresser tied it into a bundle and burned it in a furnace. The president himself then handed me a folded American flag as the ashes were scattered over the Rose Garden. Yes, my buddy Joe (Pope Benedict) was there and we downed two Franzis each. The President drank a Bud lite (free-thinker!)


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## govols

BobVigneault said:


> That's impossible, I attended the ritual disposal of it. The hair dresser tied it into a bundle and burned it in a furnace. The president himself then handed me a folded American flag as the ashes were scattered over the Rose Garden. Yes, my buddy Joe (Pope Benedict) was there and we downed two Franzis each. The President drank a Bud lite (free-thinker!)



It really wasn't your hair that you saw burning for it is being sold on ebay. That was a neo con, right wing switch-a-ma-roo that took place right before your eyes. How could someone burn such fine hair. What a travesty that would be!


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## Calvibaptist

turmeric said:


> Just eat the gray acid?
> 
> Who brought up the "SubGenii"? Sub-genus of what?



I did. It's the "Church of the Sub-Genius." Look up J.R. "Bob" Dobbs on the internet and you will find a lot about it. Weird stuff.

Not that the Church of Bawb isn't an oddity. Although if there are six-packs involved I might be interested... Besides, my hair is already short and all I do is send blank checks. (because that's about how much money there is in the account!)

I've also changed my name to reflect my membership. (Is that a covenant sign and seal?)


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## BobVigneault

Isaiah 62:2
The nations shall see your righteousness, and all the kings your glory, and you shall be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give.

Revelation 2:17
He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it.’


I love it, this is how LaHaye and Van Impe use prophecy. It's addicting.


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## Semper Fidelis

Well Bob, it's off I guess.

Your new Avatar is completely inappropriate to be a cult leader.

What happened to the picture of your sister? Stick that one back up!


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## kvanlaan

Um, I'm shocked. The Church of Bob had such potential as a money-making organization and you, Bob, as its false prophet. Now it can never be. Maybe it can still... Bob must be reborn.


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## Calvibaptist

kvanlaan said:


> Um, I'm shocked. The Church of Bob had such potential as a money-making organization and you, Bob, as its false prophet. Now it can never be. Maybe it can still... Bob must be reborn.



Is there anyone else around here who looks like a long-haired hippie that we can set up as our leader? I SO long for the good old days when people really cared about church and wouldn't let what the outsiders thought interfere with their faith...


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## BobVigneault

Sure, I've chosen a new leader, he's (he?) perfect.


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## Semper Fidelis

Thanks. I think you might have woken up our kids. Sonya and I were talking and I pulled up the site and she noticed who it was right away.

I know where you live and I am senior in rank to the Marines in the area.

Watch your back!


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## BobVigneault

Like I'm not already. Hey Rich, I think your sister is kind of cute.


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## panta dokimazete

Bob - I was shocked, I say, *shocked* to see you shorn...is your mighty strength gone?

Are you no longer in the male model category?





Looks good, though.


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## SemperWife

Bob,

I LOVE THIS!!!! You had me rolling on the floor!  I have never see Rich with so much hair....wait....with hair.  And the outfit.....hilarious!


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## panta dokimazete

BobVigneault said:


> Sure, I've chosen a new leader, he's (he?) perfect.



BWAAAAHAHAHA! 

I just got it! I thought it was the guy from Aerosmith!


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## Semper Fidelis

SemperWife said:


> Bob,
> 
> I LOVE THIS!!!! You had me rolling on the floor!  I have never see Rich with so much hair....wait....with hair.  And the outfit.....hilarious!



Submit to your own husband!

That guy's arms are way too wimpy.


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## BobVigneault

That would be Jon Bon L..


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## Calvibaptist

BobVigneault said:


> That would be Jon Bon L..



Is that pronounced Jon Bon Lēēn-yo?


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## kvanlaan

Bob, you almost woke my wife. I had been messing around with your old avatar in Photoshop for about 20 minutes when I saw this. Jon Bon L. takes the cake - you can't follow that with anything. 

The COB lives on! New figurehead now in place! Long live Bawb!

(Rich, you do indeed bear a striking resemblance to Steve Tyler - congratulations!)


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## Herald

Fellow Bawbelheads, know you not the truth? The COB is not dependent on one leader. No. The COB was founded on the premise that one leader would expose the movement to extinction if that leader was compromised (or sent to Club Fed for playing funny with the books). Instead of one leader the COB as chosen a collective consciousness. No longer do we follow just Bawb. We submit to the collective Bawb; the Bawb that is in all of us. I am Bawb. You are Bawb. We are all Bawb. Bawbness continues unabated. Long live Bawb! 

Oh...and would someone please take Rich's sister back to the 80's where she belongs.


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## Herald

*"We are the Bawb. You will be assimilated."*


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## VirginiaHuguenot

BaptistInCrisis said:


> *"We are the Bawb. You will be assimilated."*


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## BobVigneault

Fine, all this voodoo-hoodoo, pseudo-hindu, heyIwannahockaloogie gobblety-gook is ok with me; but if someone doesn't buy some beer pretty soon I'm outta here. It's all about the beer.


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## Herald

Bawb - you've left the reservation. What's happened to you in the span of 24 hours?


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## BobVigneault

I was hoping that I could reform the church from the inside. I see know that I am going to have to protest. I'm nailing my list of two thesis to the Puritan Pub door.

1. Knock off the stoopid mysticism garbage.
2. Get some beer in here, and not some low carb, hand pressed, 'no animals were hurt in the making of' swamp water.

I want beer! Where's my beer???!


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## Herald

Bawb - apparently the COB had a forerunner years ago. It is commonly known as "Old Bob." Here is the libation they drank of.


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## Megaloo

*What a Beast!!!*

wrong spot! sorry.


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## Megaloo

*LOL*!!!!
Now, when I see this guy teaching my class on Sunday mornings, I will have that pic in mind the entire time!!!!
PRICELESS!!!

BOB-
I am JollyGhost's wife. I must say you look just smashing w/ the new do! How long till you can start modeling again? Perhaps the BEAST could join you!!! Again, sooo funny!


(I'm still new at this posting bit...perhaps I need to go to the Beast's school)


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## Calvibaptist

I have though long and hard about this. One of the most important things for a cult, er, a church to have is a meeting place. I think this place would be the most appropriate.


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## Herald

Calvibaptist said:


> I have though long and hard about this. One of the most important things for a cult, er, a church to have is a meeting place. I think this place would be the most appropriate.



Doug - me thinks you've been sniffing too many fumes out of that commode in your avatar.


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## polemic_turtle

Since no-one else here has tried to engage you, I figured I'd give a defense of the faith based upon my recent reading of reviews of Dr. Gordon Clark's books.

Hmmm, how does this work? Oh, yes, the axiom of Scripture! Ok, so I... hmm... The Scripture doesn't _say_ the so-called Church of Bob exists, so I can't very well proceed to an internal critique without first establishing its existance.. Hmm, how do you face off with such novel religions in this system?


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## kvanlaan

You gotta love it: 

1. Bob wants good image for lawyer. 

2. Bob cuts hair to remove bohemian home-grow operator aura from self. 

3. Bob, now leader of cult nouveau, spends several posts demanding beer - or else! 

4.


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## Herald

kvanlaan said:


> You gotta love it:
> 
> 1. Bob wants good image for lawyer.
> 
> 2. Bob cuts hair to remove bohemian home-grow operator aura from self.
> 
> 3. Bob, now leader of cult nouveau, spends several posts demanding beer - or else!
> 
> 4.



But isn't that the way with cults? The followers are more purist than the one who started the whole thing? Bawb is distancing himself while the faithful are rallying to the cause. Hilarious and sad all at the same time.


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## Semper Fidelis

{shakes head}

I can't believe I started this thread.


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## kvanlaan

Oh, I can. 

What I can't believe is that there are 66 replies and coming up on 600 views - that's the truly scary part! 

The rest of it (including Bob as a cult leader) seems perfectly normal to me.


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## Herald

SemperFideles said:


> {shakes head}
> 
> I can't believe I started this thread.



Rich - sometimes you just need to clean out the baffles. Plus, that picture of you was priceless.


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## kvanlaan

> that picture of you was priceless



I must agree on this - I thought the Winzer photos were good but Jon Bon L. adds a whole new dimension to Rich as we know him (or _don't_ know him).


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## Megaloo

*Don't ask don't tell....*



kvanlaan said:


> I must agree on this - I thought the Winzer photos were good but Jon Bon L. adds a whole new dimension to Rich as we know him (or _don't_ know him).




WOW...
Rich has been able to ride the "Don't ask don't tell" policy for awhile now. And now that we have seen him in all his "glory", what does a veteran like me do with this new info...he, he, he (slimy voice)
How do you do it Rich?!?!?!


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## BobVigneault

Six marines stopped by for breakfast this morning. Four came through the windows, one dropped through the ceiling and I never saw the sixth one, I only heard his voice while he was securing me with nylon handcuffs and a sack over my head.

Nice bunch of fellows, they called me 'sir' while they demonstrated the location of all the intensely sensitive pressure points on my body. Amazing how they know just how far to twist and bend without breaking a bone but enough to tear cartilage. I'd type more but using my elbows is very awkward. I was hoping I could hold a pencil in my teeth but I couldn't find them all.


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## Megaloo

BobVigneault said:


> Six marines stopped by for breakfast this morning. Four came through the windows, one dropped through the ceiling and I never saw the sixth one, I only heard his voice while he was securing me with nylon handcuffs and a sack over my head.
> 
> Nice bunch of fellows, they called me 'sir' while they demonstrated the location of all the intensely sensitive pressure points on my body. Amazing how they know just how far to twist and bend without breaking a bone but enough to tear cartilage. I'd type more but using my elbows is very awkward. I was hoping I could hold a pencil in my teeth but I couldn't find them all.



Do you need to start a new forum for this? There are Marine jokes by the millions... I guess what we need to make sure of is that there are pictures so the "impaired" can understand them.


(OH!!! DANG, should I do this...)


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