# Paraprosdokian sentences



## Semper Fidelis (Jan 15, 2011)

Paraprosdokian sentences : A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending to a series or phrase.


Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice..
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


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## seajayrice (Jan 15, 2011)

Very amusing. 
“Sometimes I need what only you can provide -- your absence.”


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## rbcbob (Jan 15, 2011)

Thanks Rich,
My son loves these things!


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## AThornquist (Jan 15, 2011)

All of those were entertaining. What made me laugh the hardest was: "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."


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## Semper Fidelis (Jan 15, 2011)

How about this one:

"The 4th Law of Thermodynamics: If the heat is on someone else it's not on you."


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## Herald (Jan 15, 2011)

Don't try to teach a pig to sing. You won't get very far and you'll anger the pig.


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## MarieP (Jan 15, 2011)

* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
* He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
* It's not falling off a 30 story building that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end.
* Better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
* My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where she is
* You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 Rs, only one begins with an R
* If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
* Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely
* Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
* Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell
* Before you can win a game, you have to not lose it
* If you make every game a life and death proposition, you're going to have problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot
* Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies
* If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning
* I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me
* Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you
* If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door
* I have the heart of a liberal. I keep it in a jar on my shelf
* Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation
* Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye


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