# Am I wrong



## Anton Bruckner (Dec 6, 2008)

Ok I am the only one in my family that has a car. I purchased my car primarily to pick up my son on the weekend and to go to church. (church is about 22 miles away from me).

Here is the dilemna I find myself.

1. My brother only has a part time job and most of the day he is home. He uses the car to go anywhere.

2. My brother drops my father to work and picks him up. This adds a total of 150 miles per week.

3. Since my brother is home most of the day (various family members call him to do errands like picking up their children from school etc). Of course he uses my car.

Now here is the dilemna. When I actually get to use the car on weekends. It is filthy and dirty. I told him early this week to clean it, and he didn't.

I told him point blank that if he cannot clean the car he should not be driving it, no matter what errand he is doing whether it is for his mother, father, or girlfriend. So far the car has been parked. No one uses it but me.

Here is the problem. My brother is a shrewd politician, and will spin this to my father as "Keon" not wanting him to get a ride to work. Today I told my brother don't use the car. As a result he had to use the van (employers van that he drives) to do his errands and to drop my Dad to work. I know my Dad will be pretty angry since he thinks I am being mean to him.

Now my question is, Am I wrong for prohibiting the use of my car in such a situation? I badly want to hold my ground on this, but I know the onslaught is going to come, and my name will be racked through the mud as being a meanie and a show off. But that's not it. All I want is the car to be cleaned. I would find water bottles, drink cans, newspapers, paper bags etc in the car.


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## pm (Dec 6, 2008)

*You are not wrong*

You are not wrong, your brother needs to learn responsibility and accountability and if he can learn, the fact of you withholding the car will cause him to learn. The Bible never says we should be door-mats.


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## InevitablyReformed (Dec 6, 2008)

I think you should remain firm in your insistence that he respect your property and your wishes. And you should explain to him WHY this is so. If your father "takes his side," do your best to lovingly and charitably explain the situation and that your demands are not burdensome. They are quite reasonable.


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## Anton Bruckner (Dec 6, 2008)

thanks Daniel and Paul.


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## jambo (Dec 6, 2008)

If you were useing someone elses car I am sure you would look after it and hand it back in the condition you received it. I think you are quite right to take your stand. If he has access to his employers vehicle why can't he use that more often? You did not say anything about petrol but I would probably think your petrol is being used for his errands.

I would go as far as saying that if your brother leaves your car in that condition then it shows his attitude is not right. Maybe he is not conscious of this in which case you need to have a serious chat.

I would say here is the car and here are the conditions. If you can't accept the conditions then you cant drive the car. It is not the case of being mean but teaching responsibility, its not the case of being a show off but teaching someone to treat another persons property with respect.


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## christiana (Dec 6, 2008)

Its so simple. No clean car, no privilege to use car. Period!! No enabling here!!


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## Rev. Todd Ruddell (Dec 6, 2008)

I believe you're on firm grounds. You have not forbidden the use of the car absolutely, you have added quite reasonable stipulations to its use. You might also add that since the car has become a community car, that the fuel and maintenance also ought to be "community funded". Explain that you wish to be charitable and helpful, but that to allow the abuse of your property is to devalue and disrespect what God has provided for you. 

Pick a time when you can work together with your brother to clean the car. That way, you can work together to enhance your relationship, not estrange yourselves from one another. 

But this should not take the place of your requirement for your brother not to trash your car. He ought to keep it clean as a privilege of using it. Also, your father should appreciate your requiring this modicum of discipline of your brother. 

Blessings.


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## fredtgreco (Dec 6, 2008)

You could also speak to your father and tell him the situation. You could even tell him that he (that is, your father) should not have to ride to work in a filthy car because your brother (who doesn't work) won't clean it.


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## kalawine (Dec 6, 2008)

pmkadow said:


> You are not wrong, your brother needs to learn responsibility and accountability and if he can learn, the fact of you withholding the car will cause him to learn. The Bible never says we should be door-mats.



 Don't give in brother!


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## Zenas (Dec 6, 2008)

He needs to learn to respect other people's property. I would explain this both to him and your father. They both need to understand that you are not prohibiting the use of the car for any other reason than he trashes it and refuses to clean it up.

Moreover, it's not even that he trashes it, but that he leaves it that way that seems to be the problem. Not to mention the fact he's putting miles on the car, pays nothing for the use of the car, and doesn't pay insurance on it. He's basically getting a free rental car. The mere fact that he has to clean up after himself isn't some heavy burden. 

No offense, but what a child.*

*I don't clean up after myself well, but it's not that I'm condemning. I don't trash _other peoples'_ things and, moreover, if I did, I wouldn't complain when they didn't let me use their things anymore. That is childish.


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## staythecourse (Dec 6, 2008)

No you're not wrong but everything has consequences. Can you stand the heat?


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## TimV (Dec 6, 2008)

I'll take an approach that 5 years ago I would call a cop out. I'm going through some family issues that end up being political like yours and I'd be inclined to clean the car yourself, even if your brother is in the wrong and perhaps say a word to him now and then, and charge gas money. Then pray that God speaks to your brother's heart, and I will pray that your dad and your brother sees you turning the other cheek and being long suffering, and cause your brother to experience some healthy repentance.


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## Anton Bruckner (Dec 6, 2008)

Tim I tried turning the cheek, I've told him this many times, but it is to no avail. Yesterday morning I specifically told him to clean, and all he did was leave $8 and told me that he was busy. I'm still amazed that I didn't totally flip out, but God is good. I simply told him that I wanted the car clean not the money.

Bryan I'm hoping I can stand the heat. It is getting cold out here in NYC and my Dad works in Queens. I know my brother will misconstrue it that I am having my Dad suffer in the cold. It will be a classic case of Roman politics.

To everyone, thanks for the encouragement. I really have to stand my ground.


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## Archlute (Dec 6, 2008)

Anton Bruckner said:


> Tim I tried turning the cheek, I've told him this many times, but it is to no avail. Yesterday morning I specifically told him to clean, and all he did was leave $8 and told me that he was busy. I'm still amazed that I didn't totally flip out, but God is good. I simply told him that I wanted the car clean not the money.
> 
> Bryan I'm hoping I can stand the heat. It is getting cold out here in NYC and my Dad works in Queens. I know my brother will misconstrue it that I am having my Dad suffer in the cold. It will be a classic case of Roman politics.
> 
> To everyone, thanks for the encouragement. I really have to stand my ground.



 Let him know that your rates are higher than that.


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## Gesetveemet (Dec 6, 2008)

Rev. Todd Ruddell said:


> . . . Pick a time when you can work together with your brother to clean the car. That way, you can work together to enhance your relationship, not estrange yourselves from one another . . .



This is the best advice. 

Hope you have (had) a Lord's day,


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