# Question For Missionaries...



## KMK (Oct 8, 2012)

Does it seem that the Western Church is largely unaware of the difficulties faced by converts in missions territories?

Do you think that the Western Church is generally unmoved by the mighty work God is doing in missions territories?

If so, can you give specific examples?


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## rbcbob (Oct 8, 2012)

Ken I am persuaded that many contemporary Western Churches have a defective concept of missions. So taking that into consideration I would answer yes.


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## KMK (Oct 9, 2012)

rbcbob said:


> Ken I am persuaded that many contemporary Western Churches have a defective concept of missions. So taking that into consideration I would answer yes.



Thanks, Bob. Do you have any specific examples?


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## thbslawson (Oct 9, 2012)

KMK said:


> Does it seem that the Western Church is largely unaware of the difficulties faced by converts in missions territories?



Yes



KMK said:


> Do you think that the Western Church is generally unmoved by the mighty work God is doing in missions territories?



It varies.



KMK said:


> If so, can you give specific examples?



In regards to the first question, there are often a lot of assumptions and blind spots by people who have never been experienced a truly foreign culture, about the culture itself. Some of the assumptions I've heard are...

-Assuming that all believers on the field are young and immature: Quotes like "But you're there to help them understand all of that." come to mind.
-that they have access to the same kinds of materials and resources we have: "Well why don't they just..."
-Failure to recognize cultural and familial ostracizing: "So what if their families and friends reject them. They have Jesus right?"

Then there are always loads of issues surrounding conveniences such as lack of transportation, facilities, even access to a local body. It's hard to simply give one example because they're so many, but it seems like every time we've given reports in the US that we are asked questions that don't even make sense, because they're not even the wrong questions. For instance, I have done work in a remote, impoverished region of Siberia that shall remain nameless. It's the poorest region of the country. %50 of men have been in prison, the average age is 54, there's child abuse, spouse abuse, staggering use of alcohol, drugs, etc. When a person comes to Christ in this society, there is a significant and radical change that takes place, and it doesn't happen overnight. Once after reporting about all this a man came up to me and his question was, "So what do they teach them about the Lord's Day?" I answered "Not to beat their wives."

In answer to your second question, I've seen lots of extremes. I had one church member get visibly frustrated during a report I gave during a fellowship time after service when I mentioned that one of the churches we were partnering with to distribute Bibles in a very difficult area was not Reformed (It was a typical 3 point Baptist church). Nevermind that despite our theological differences, they gospel was being preached.

There are churches that understand thought that in some foreign lands that Bible-believing Christians are so few that cooperation is required in certain areas of gospel ministry. Russia for example is less than %1 Bible-believing Christian. Reformed/Calvinistic of any stripe make up less than %1 of that group. In areas of the country the local Pentecostal church, that is at least trinitarian and could confess the five solas, is the only fellowship for 300-400 kilometers. 

Then there are those disappointing times when you pour your heart out about what God is doing and all everyone wants to talk about is the food and the cold weather. 

But not everyone is like this. Nothing excites and encourages me more than when I see believers getting thrilled by what God is doing around the world.


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## KMK (Oct 10, 2012)

Thank you, Thomas, that was exactly the kind of info I was looking for.


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## chuckd (Oct 10, 2012)

KMK said:


> Do you think that the Western Church is generally unmoved by the mighty work God is doing in missions territories?
> 
> If so, can you give specific examples?



In my personal experience, there is not enough communication with missionaries. I know all churches are different, but I get the feeling it is an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of thing. You're over there (we think) and we're here; our obligation is to send you money and pray for you; your obligation is to convert people.

When I return periodically, it's a lot of "oh, you're back" completely oblivious to the experiences I faced due to ignorance of actually living (not visiting) a foreign culture (not their fault). And the conversations I have, it is almost obvious that the prayer thing went out the window and they must have put the money thing on auto-draft. Last year, I got a job in my country and did not need support anymore. After that, I never heard from anyone outside of my parents. 

So I wouldn't say they're unmoved. It seems they are moved a lot and care a lot about missions (as an idea), but on a personal level they couldn't give a flip. Sorry for the harsh words. my $0.02.


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## thbslawson (Oct 10, 2012)

Let me offer a positive approach. Here's how I believe churches in the West can better serve the foreign missionaries, particularly those missionaries associated with one's local church.

1. Read the updates. Don't just skim or glance at it. Read the whole thing. Most missionaries I know are pretty good about sending out something regularly, in some cases monthly, others quarterly. If they have a mailing list, get on it and actually read it. If your church posts the letters for all to see on a bulletin board either read it there or request a copy from someone. At any rate, being aware of what's going on is largely your responsibility if the missionary is putting the information out there faithfully.

2. Really pray for the missionaries. Put their pictures up in your house. Pray for them during family worship. Tell your kids who they are.

3. Share this what you know in other circles. If you have a small group that has prayer time, bring up prayer requests for some of the missionaries you're reading about. Suggest, perhaps, that your small group "adopt" a missionary a month or a quarter. Send letters of encouragement if possible. Always always always call or email before shipping care packages. Find out what is truly needed before paying hundreds of dollars to ship things around the world. 

4. Support a missionary personally. The church may be giving x sum. Depending on the circumstances, talk to the elders and ask if your family can personally add a sum to the current monetary amount each month.

5. Find out the needs on the field and contribute to them. Perhaps their raising money to print Bibles, build a training center, get materials, etc. Give to this.

6. Call or write the email. In this age of technology, only the most remote places on the planet are out of contact and are without internet. Email the missionaries and encourage them. If they have a way to call them, give them a ring (only be careful of the time difference).

7. When they come back on furlough, talk to them and genuinely ask them about things you've been reading in their ministry. Nothing would encourage us more than when we'd come back when someone would walk up and start mentioning to us things they had read in our letters. And it was always very discouraging when people (who we know were on our mailing list) would walk up to us and detain us and say "Tell me what's been going on" thus keeping us from fellowshipping with other people for 15 minutes.

8. Host a missionary in your home. When missionaries are on furlough they are often running around from place to place and not getting a whole lot of rest. While they tend to be pretty accommodating, please do not assume that they'll just accept anything. Please give them clean sheets, check before hand to see if they have pet allergies or food allergies. I've had to sleep in beds before that it was obvious a cat slept in before me, and I have bad allergies to pet dander. 

9. Beyond simply being familiar with the missionaries and their particular ministry, become very familiar with the country and region in which they serve. Find good articles on the internet, read books, watch videos. 

10. Finally, if you're able, and if they missionaries themselves are open to it, pay a short visit. Make your visit intentional. Don't make it so much about "We want to come over and help in your church plant." Sometimes this isn't the best thing. It's very likely that "Can we come over and help take care of your kids for a week so y'all can have a break?" Or "If we were to come over could we be an encouragement?" In some areas of the world this is more of a hassle for the missionaries as they have to accommodate you on everything (i.e. language, shopping, visa support, etc.) So always ask before planning this kind of trip and please don't take it personally if they say no. When we lived in Russia we loved to have visitors, but it was a lot of work and required us to do everything for them basically, so while it was fun, it was not restful.

So there are a few things. I'm sure if I sat long enough I could think of more, but this is a good place to start.


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## a mere housewife (Oct 10, 2012)

Thank you, Mr. Slawson for those suggestions. Those are things I myself can be seeking to do better, rather than simply waiting for the church at large to do something differently or better for its missionaries.

My husband's family collected the prayer cards for missionaries and had a stack of them which they would use in their family devotions -- each person praying would get a prayer card. My husband's family *were* missionaries so they had quite the stack, but it is a good way to be sure, however few prayers cards one may have, to be regularly praying for the missionaries.


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## pianoman (Oct 10, 2012)

yes. yes. yes. I do not know of many specific examples, but people in the South seem to want to stay in their box and stay out of missions for some reason. It's like they are scared if they get involved God might call them or something. Our Sunday School teacher was just called to be a Doctor/missionary in Honduras and is working on moving there permanently next year. He says he has gotten more discouragement from those who call themselves Christians. I guess God forbid if we move to the mission field for Jesus. *sarcasm*


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## chuckd (Oct 10, 2012)

thbslawson said:


> Let me offer a positive approach. Here's how I believe churches in the West can better serve the foreign missionaries, particularly those missionaries associated with one's local church.
> 
> 1. Read the updates. Don't just skim or glance at it. Read the whole thing. Most missionaries I know are pretty good about sending out something regularly, in some cases monthly, others quarterly. If they have a mailing list, get on it and actually read it. If your church posts the letters for all to see on a bulletin board either read it there or request a copy from someone. At any rate, being aware of what's going on is largely your responsibility if the missionary is putting the information out there faithfully.
> 
> ...



Great list. I underlined the most important in my mind. Pray for them, think about them, email them regularly and encourage them (just wanted to say I'm praying for you, the Lord is with you, we are thinking about you a lot, etc), and send them care packages. Contacting them takes less time than posting on this forum. These are not suggestions. Don't assume others are "taking care of this." If it is not happening and your missionary is not around several people from their country, they may very well be alone, feeling isolated, & nobody cares about them. They very well know they are out of sight, out of mind and will have a hard time connecting with the church upon return.


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## KMK (Oct 10, 2012)

chuckd said:


> Last year, I got a job in my country and did not need support anymore. After that, I never heard from anyone outside of my parents.



Thanks for sharing this experience. That says a great deal.


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## Pergamum (Oct 10, 2012)

I'll try to answer each question separately (since we are travelling right now....living out of hotels or airports...again.....one of the things that supporters don't often understand, the stresses of juggling small kids during international travel and trying to sleep well with 3 small kids in one room to save money:


*Does it seem that the Western Church is largely unaware of the difficulties faced by converts in missions territories?*

Yes.


Here are some things local US churches do not understand about missions;

(1) Many US churches throw money at missionaries without checking out their doctrine. Lots of bad theology is exported from the US and is funded by well-meaning donors who generously give, but without investigating their missionaries.

(2) Missionaries are expected to communicate the vital aspects of their work in a one-page (front only) newsletter, which include a family picture as well. Church-goers who will read the morning paper every morning for 40 minutes or watch 3 hours of tivo cannot be bothered to read an extensive missionary report from someone they give money to every month. (many missionaries come home to be asked by long-term supporters, "Where are you serving again?" - how insulting).

Also, some churches will only give their long-supported missionaries 10 minutes or so to update a congregation. I try never to go to churches which are of this nature, most of my supporting churches giving us the full-time and even Sunday school to report, plus usually a lunch afterwards. I feel blessed because I have close personal contact with many pastors and supporters whereas many of my peers hardly know their supporting pastors and the relationship is primarily financial. Most missionary peers I know want more personal interaction with supporters.


(3) Some churches are dogmatic about a certain approach to missions. Missionaries just love to learn that they are getting dropped because, for the same money, 10 indian pastors of questionable theology are more fiscally efficient than one white, western family with several kids 

(I've even had a church-member state that missionaries ought to limit their family size to not be too big of a burden to supporting churches...).

Many US churches think that the issues we face are always black and white. Also, many US churches are mono-cultural and the pastors and elders have never lived overseas. So, this creates a distance between those living overseas and those who have grown up speaking only english in a small town with other folks who have never experienced another culture. This is fertile ground for some very naive questions, such as "Do y'all use the KJV over thar?" Or....missionaries get tired of always being asked, "Whatcha all eat over there?" instead of deeper questions of missiology. Questions such as how to receive polygynous families into the church never get asked in the Midwest of the US.


(4) Missionaries get tired of being reminded of how George Mueller did not raise funds.

(5) Churches don't understand that missionary kids who drive 2 hours with their parents to speak at a church in the am and then 5 more hours to present again at an evening service probably need to be free to play in the nursery or outside instead of sit through yet another presentation. 

I once let Noah go climb a huge oak tree out back (I could see him through the window) at a country church where I presented at one sunday night (after 7 hours of driving that day) and a little blue-haired old lady (it's always the little blue-haired old ladies) gave me a stern disapproving look and asked if my son was going to play outside the whole service. Come on lady, cut the kid some slack.

(6) Missionaries learn to hate plattitudes such as "If it is the Lord's will, the funds will come in" (with no help from the person saying it) or "Don't worry about dangers...the Lord will protect his own" (why then have I had peers die then)?

(7) When missionaries come home after multiple bouts of malaria and parasites they get sick of old people in the church complaining about their lack of bowel regularity, etc. Or people complaining about slow service in restaurants, etc. Or people telling you how awful the US is.


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## Pergamum (Oct 10, 2012)

*Does it seem that the Western Church is largely unaware of the difficulties faced by converts in missions territories?*

Specifically about foreign converts, many US churches do not understand the persecution faced. Outright persecution might even be easier than the social pressure and stigma of community rejection.

Many US believers grew up in a Christian environment. But some foreign converts grew up with no Christian background at all....the stories of Moses and Noah, etc, are all BRAND NEW to them. Among my tribe, the idea of one Creator God who is all-good, who has created all things out of nothing, and created all things good, is all a novel concept.

What happens when you convert but you have named your children after spirits or false gods, or false prophets? Or you have already married 2 or 3 wives, or promised your small children to be married to others in your community (who are still in their old faith-system).

What happens when a brown indigneous man takes on "white" and "western religion" and then - once they investigate western culture - become shocked at the free sex, immodesty, and blatant sin and also racism that happens or has happened in the "Christian" countries.

What happens when the new converts invite their first short-term mission team over for a visit and the girls dress immodesty and the US youth try to instruct the indigenous older men in deep spiritual truths which they themselves have never lived out. Imagine the presumption of an ipod-wearing teen in new clothes and new shoes preaching to a poor old african church elder about the blessings of trials or about the doctrine of suffering.

Imagine the feelings of indigenous believers to see themselves pictured as trophies in a missionary's newsletter or called "primitive" or "stone age" or "uncivilized" before the entrance of the Westerner. How do these local believers reconcile their new beliefs with their past? Do they despise all aspects of their own culture, or do they let resentment towards the westerners build?


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## Pergamum (Oct 11, 2012)

*Do you think that the Western Church is generally unmoved by the mighty work God is doing in missions territories?*

Here are some thoughts in response to the second question:

(1) I think evangelical missions is wildly optimistic about what is happening on the mission field. If you look at statistics, it looks like many folks are Christians even though they are Catholics or members of various near-cult sects. Global Pentecostalism is a huge force because it allows you to tack on Christian rituals to animistic beliefs and allows folks to believe with hidden agendas of desiring health and wealth......animism and false belief with a veneer of Christian lingo attached to it. Perversions of true doctrine are probably more grievous than outright Islam or Hinduism, and so US churches need to be aware of the false fire that is spreading across the world.

If you read Operation World or the Joshua or Caleb Projects and are encouraged by the stats, keep in mind that Rwanda was a missions success story just prior to 800 thousand people being murdered...90% of that population being "evangelical" I think the stats said.

(2). And yet, there are solid churches that are WITHOUT the Bible! Despite trials and deficiencies, they are pushing forward the best way they know how. I know some. They have solid believers and the pastors are struggling to disciple the next generation...and all without the Word of God in their own language. Here is an article about one such tribe: Yulianus and the Fuau People



(3) Out of sight is often out of mind. Missions-giving is still sort of the giving that people often do when they have a little extra money. For most it is still not sacrificial (but merely out of one's "extra"). For many churches, it is often the first thing to get cut in economic hard times or when a church wants a building expansion (one of my missionary peers got dropped from missionary support because one supporting church wanted to add on an extra wing to their building). 

Even on the PB here there are folks who have gone out into the field with promises from their sending churches to maintain a certain level of support and then, once the missionary was on the field, that supporting church found out that they could not support that missionary on the field (or rather, they chose not to dig deep and they left that missionary in a bind). I know missionaries who have gone into deep debt trying to pay for their own tickets home once they were abandoned on the field by US "sending" churches" not holding up to their side of the bargain.

Sure, US church-members often expect us missionaries to do without if needed; but it is uncommon for many US church-goers to even do without their tivo or 2 cars or 3 tv sets, or gadgets in order to give to missions.

(thank God for my supporting churches, my support actually went up during periods of economic crisis in the US because several churches wrote "we figured that some supporters might need to drop you due to hard times, so here's some extra to make up for others..." or something similar).

Finally, even a "poor" person growing up in America has no idea what true poverty is. Most of the poor in the US are fat, and have tvs. I have known real poor people who literally ate their last plate of rice and had nothing left, no car, no bike, no tv, even no house (and these were evangelists).


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## Caroline (Oct 11, 2012)

I have to say that I have mixed feelings about this. I grew up involved in overseas missions, and so did my husband. I think that missionaries sometimes have a really negative attitude toward people in the USA. I never get the sense that any of the missionaries I meet (not on this board, but in person, I mean) are even slightly interested in my life, although they expect me to take a compelling interest in theirs. Apparently, if I'm not doing mission work, then I'm not doing anything. I get the feeling that I am viewed with about the same regard as they view an ATM. I had my children write to missionary children for a while, but dropped it after a bit because the kids they wrote to seemed to enjoy putting my kids down because they didn't speak more than one language and hadn't been to multiple countries.

I remember being that way, though, so in a way, I don't even blame them. I remember all the supporters back home, the big tour of churches, wherein we would talk about our big ministry (and exaggerate a lot), and then laugh to each other about how stupid Americans were.

I do think Americans can be very dense about how things work in other countries, and sometimes they made it easy for us to laugh at them. They also seemed to expect our lives to be really exciting, when in fact, life anywhere is pretty hum-drum once you get used to it. But it is easy as a missionary to start attacking your own supporters (in spirit, if not openly) and condemning them for not knowing as much as missionaries do, or for being busy with things other than mission work, or for not being wealthy enough to give as much money as the missionaries would like.

This is not an excuse for churches to back out of what they promised to give. People should keep their promises in all possible situations, and that includes giving to missions. But I think the lack of charity can (and often does) go both ways.


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## Caroline (Oct 11, 2012)

I have to say that I have mixed feelings about this. I grew up involved in overseas missions, and so did my husband. I think that missionaries sometimes have a really negative attitude toward people in the USA. I never get the sense that any of the missionaries I meet (not on this board, but in person, I mean) are even slightly interested in my life, although they expect me to take a compelling interest in theirs. Apparently, if I'm not doing mission work, then I'm not doing anything. I get the feeling that I am viewed with about the same regard as they view an ATM. I had my children write to missionary children for a while, but dropped it after a bit because the kids they wrote to seemed to enjoy putting my kids down because they didn't speak more than one language and hadn't been to multiple countries.

I remember being that way, though, so in a way, I don't even blame them. I remember all the supporters back home, the big tour of churches, wherein we would talk about our big ministry (and exaggerate a lot), and then laugh to each other about how stupid Americans were.

I do think Americans can be very dense about how things work in other countries, and sometimes they made it easy for us to laugh at them. They also seemed to expect our lives to be really exciting, when in fact, life anywhere is pretty hum-drum once you get used to it. But it is easy as a missionary to start attacking your own supporters (in spirit, if not openly) and condemning them for not knowing as much as missionaries do, or for being busy with things other than mission work, or for not being wealthy enough to give as much money as the missionaries would like.

This is not an excuse for churches to back out of what they promised to give. People should keep their promises in all possible situations, and that includes giving to missions. But I think the lack of charity can (and often does) go both ways.


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## Caroline (Oct 11, 2012)

<<Sure, US church-members often expect us missionaries to do without if needed; but it is uncommon for many US church-goers to even do without their tivo or 2 cars or 3 tv sets, or gadgets in order to give to missions.>>

See, this is the sort of thing that troubles me. I would LOVE to do without two cars, but I can't. Sometimes when my car has broken down twice in one week, and I'm panicking because I can't get to the school to pick up my daughter and my husband is an hour away with his work van (our other car), I think about moving back overseas where life was easier. If the USA would develop better public transportation, I'd love to save the money and give more to missions. But to accuse someone of being extravagant for having two cars is kinda odd. How would I get my daughter from school? It is 15 miles away. I can hardly expect her to walk it. She is six years old.

Also, in the USA, I have been in a position of having nothing to eat and nowhere to live (not recently, but it has happened). I have gone to the store and bought a bag of potatoes, because it was the only thing I could get for a couple of dollars that would feed me for a week. The accusation that no one in the USA knows what hunger is simply is not factually correct. And it is uncharitable to generalize that way, I think.


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## Pergamum (Oct 13, 2012)

Caroline said:


> I have to say that I have mixed feelings about this. I grew up involved in overseas missions, and so did my husband. I think that missionaries sometimes have a really negative attitude toward people in the USA. I never get the sense that any of the missionaries I meet (not on this board, but in person, I mean) are even slightly interested in my life, although they expect me to take a compelling interest in theirs. Apparently, if I'm not doing mission work, then I'm not doing anything. I get the feeling that I am viewed with about the same regard as they view an ATM. I had my children write to missionary children for a while, but dropped it after a bit because the kids they wrote to seemed to enjoy putting my kids down because they didn't speak more than one language and hadn't been to multiple countries.
> 
> I remember being that way, though, so in a way, I don't even blame them. I remember all the supporters back home, the big tour of churches, wherein we would talk about our big ministry (and exaggerate a lot), and then laugh to each other about how stupid Americans were.
> 
> ...



Caroline:

I agree that many missionaries develop a sort of reactionary response against their own nations/cultures. Some of this is healthy, and some of it not so healthy. One comes to value other cultures, and one's idealistic and unrealistic views of patriotism towards one's own country decreases over time sometimes. However, for some of us, I think spending some years in a "backward" place has helped me appreciate the West even more. Missions training helps to combat ethno-centrism; but I am more and more thankful that the West is orderly, it is a culture that knows how to wait in lines, has better public safety standards, and (sorry) a culture that often polices bodily functions, hygiene, and body odors a lot better than many other cultures of the world (although the West does seem to be growing more and more tattoed and pierced and shaggy and unkempt lately).


Do missionaries not care about your lives?:  Usually, when missionaries pass through churches, it is expected that they use the time to report or update supporters. That is probably why some missionaries do not seem as interested in your life as they seem about reporting to you about their own lives. They think that they must fill you in with a report since it will be another 4 or 5 years until you see them again.

Many missionaries (I know I am one) tire exceedingly of anwering the same 5 or 6 questions about their service (number one being, "Whatcha all eat over there") and many of us are only too relieved to hear about "news from the homefront" and about the local churches that they are passing through and meeting. Strangely, some church-goers seem to use missionaries as sounding boards to complain against their own pastors and churches. Also, many church-goers invite the missionary over with the express purpose of "hearing about your ministry" and so there is pressure to perform or report, and this may account for the lopsided conversations you have had.

I am sorry that you are viewed (or that you perceive that you are viewed) as an ATM. Many of my missionry peers don't even want to bring up money. And I am better off financially and I get to travel more than many folks in my supporting churches back home. This really makes me feel guilty at times. Whereas many US supporters work a 40-hour week and endure no change in their wage for years, I am able to raise extra funds for special projects when the needs arise. I remember working 12-hour shifts in the military and seeing my years stretch out before me as a mathematical calculation of so much money earned per hour per week.....very depressing. Now, I am engaged in scholarships and helping funds buildings, etc, and folks give extra funds here and there for special projects such as this. 

It has been very humbling when I have visited factory workers who work 6 days per week and then come to hear me on their one day a week off per week and then try to give extra during that day. Or even worse, the bi-vocational pastor who is not supported by his own church but works 40-hours a week who tries to make sure that I am fully-supported and free to minister full-time. I am in a very privileged position. My dad worked 30 years in a car factory and he says weird things like, "I couldn't do what you all do in the jungle?" and I am flabbergasted because I get to spend so much time with my family, I largely make my own hours, work as hard or light as I want to (or feel called to), and I travel at will. 

I have known a few missionaries (even those who claim to "George Mueller" it) who often drop hints about funds. And some others are wrongly perceived to be dropping hints when they are not. Some of this is not "hint-dropping but a natural part of their reporting (finances is one aspect of missionary life, after all, an must, too, be reported). Normal church folks talk about money and the economy, but if a missionary talks about money (or lack of it) it is often screened or filtered through a more critical lens. 

If a supporters says, "Wow, we've had trouble meeting bills in this economy" people take it at face value. If a missionary says, "We've been really tight on finances this year." It often is taken for more than what it is.

Also, it is sometimes hard for missionaries to bear hearing about supporters' financial woes and the bad economy when we see their churches and cars and clothes, and see all the restaurants fairly full even on weeknights, etc. Of course, I also tire of missionary newsletters with little pie charts or thermometers showing how far they are before they reach the level of "100% support." Of course, I am sure my discomfort at this is less than those missionaries who are makin those charts and who are at less than 100% support.

Missionary letter-writing: I have my son write U.S. children. Noah often doesn't know the toys or the new games that the US kids write about. So, he tells them about how he plays in the jungle. And how he speaks several languages. He writes about what he knows. This is no effort to "show-up" his American friends. In fact, it might be a way to keep pace with what could be viewed as boasting by the children in the U.S. about all their latest gadgets and toys ("I don't have a nintendo, but I can speak the local language" sort of thing)...but I think kids are just kids and they write what they are proud of. I truthfully highly doubt that any of these children were truly putting your children down and it is a shame that you don't write them anymore. 

Yes, I think a lack of charity often goes both ways. I know that I have often fought back a critical spirit when encountering certain trends or common patterns of ignorance about missions from some churches. Some of these patterns of ignorance can severely hinder missions, cause Western supporters to be needlessly critical of missionaries, even cause some churches to drop support or under-support missionaries, cause needless suffering on the part of the missionaries, etc, and so, in these cases, missionaries ought to try to educate or raise awareness about certain aspects of the mission field.


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## Pergamum (Oct 13, 2012)

Caroline said:


> <<Sure, US church-members often expect us missionaries to do without if needed; but it is uncommon for many US church-goers to even do without their tivo or 2 cars or 3 tv sets, or gadgets in order to give to missions.>>
> 
> See, this is the sort of thing that troubles me. I would LOVE to do without two cars, but I can't. Sometimes when my car has broken down twice in one week, and I'm panicking because I can't get to the school to pick up my daughter and my husband is an hour away with his work van (our other car), I think about moving back overseas where life was easier. If the USA would develop better public transportation, I'd love to save the money and give more to missions. But to accuse someone of being extravagant for having two cars is kinda odd. How would I get my daughter from school? It is 15 miles away. I can hardly expect her to walk it. She is six years old.
> 
> Also, in the USA, I have been in a position of having nothing to eat and nowhere to live (not recently, but it has happened). I have gone to the store and bought a bag of potatoes, because it was the only thing I could get for a couple of dollars that would feed me for a week. The accusation that no one in the USA knows what hunger is simply is not factually correct. And it is uncharitable to generalize that way, I think.



Caroline,

Here are some links about the so-called "poverty epidemic" in the US (the average "poor American" seems to be overweight, has an iphone or cell phone, has at least one car, indoor plumbing, clean water, access to medical care if really needed, refrigeration and electricity): 

Income inequality: Are you poor if you have a flat-screen TV - Aug. 1, 2012




> There's little argument that modern amenities have worked their way into most Americans' homes.
> 
> For instance, some 62% of households earning less than $20,000 annually owned between two and four televisions, according to the 2009 Residential Energy Consumption Survey, conducted by the U.S. Energy Information Agency. That compares to 68% of those earning $120,000 or more.
> 
> About one-third of the lowest income households had either LCD or plasma TVs. Granted, that's less than half the share of the highest income group, but conservative researchers say it's a sign that the consumption gap is narrowing.



Understanding Poverty in America



> ■Fortysix percent of all poor households actually own their own homes. The average home owned by persons classified as poor by the Census Bureau is a threebedroom house with oneandahalf baths, a garage, and a porch or patio.
> ■Seventysix percent of poor households have air conditioning. By contrast, 30 years ago, only 36 percent of the entire U.S. population enjoyed air conditioning.
> ■Only 6 percent of poor households are overcrowded. More than two-thirds have more than two rooms per person.
> ■The average poor American has more living space than the average individual living in Paris, London, Vienna, Athens, and other cities throughout Europe. (These comparisons are to the average citizens in foreign countries, not to those classified as poor.)
> ...



I am sorry if you have struggled to buy much more than potatoes at times, but according to the links above you are a statistical anomaly and not representative of most of the "poor" in America. If you still struggle like this, I would be glad to send you some help if needed.


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## py3ak (Oct 13, 2012)

I wonder if many of the tensions and frustrations about this topic can't be reduced to one word: expectations. The little blue-haired old ladies (who are such a treasure in the church, and who can be some of the most useful people in raising issues that need to be addressed but that no one else will touch) expect missionaries to keep their children in the service. The missionary expects the little blue-haired old lady to remember what it is like being a seven-year-old boy. And disappointment in those expectations can create frustration, resentment, even hostility and harsh arguments.

Perhaps the most genuinely charitable thing to do would be to try to ignore our own expectations - to suspend anticipations of what our brethren will be or do, obedience to God's law only excepted. It's harder to be disappointed if you didn't have an ultimately subjective standard in mind for other people to meet. With regard to problems and complaints, it is as well to keep in mind that all of us have different burdens, burdens proportioned to our strength and character, but burdens that are difficult for us. No doubt we also have blessings that other people might not enjoy so much as we do. Let us imitate Christ in this regard also. Compared to the burdens he bore, all of our burdens and problems are light and trivial; but he is tender hearted to us in them, even gentle towards our faintness under them, just as a mother is sweetly sympathetic to the not very serious problem a toddler faces when alarmed by the loud sound of a motorcycle.

Realistically, the burden of answering to expectations and bearing disappointments of his own expectations, will almost always fall most heavily on the one entering a situation or a community, because he is the outsider and the minority (expect in the case of a celebrity guest). In general, one would expect the stronger individual to carry more of the load - in this case "stronger" would be more mature, more experienced, more lucid, or more cosmopolitan. 

But in Christianity, we ourselves, each one who reads this thread or hears or gives a missionary report, is called upon to shoulder the burden: to be patient toward all men _because all men require patience from us_. Conform where you can; ignore where you must; but love everywhere. I should hold myself accountable for being grateful for the grace that there is in the lives even of those whose interactions with me are ungracious. 

And it may help to that end to bear in mind that just as many people might be unaware of how much forbearance I am exercising towards them, it is perfectly possible that I am unaware of how much forbearance they are exercising towards me. There is a dear old lady who will probably never know what suffering she made me endure by serving me cold, boiled, unsalted chayote, carrots, and potatoes _for breakfast_: the reality is that only the possession of a clear plastic baggie and a window of opportunity kept me from retching that breakfast up on her tablecloth. But I wonder what tolerance and overlooking of faults in me that dear old lady may cheerfully keep to herself? Because in spite of everything, she regards me with charity. And I am well aware that compared to the people who have choked down chicken feet or horse's head or buzzard drumstick and so forth, my story of suffering may seem laughably (or frustratingly) self-pitying.


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## Caroline (Oct 13, 2012)

Pergamum,

I am sorry if what I said came across too harshly. One thing I should make clear here is that when I criticize missionaries, I am criticizing myself more than anyone. And my husband his missionary experience as well. We keep very little contact with missions these days (although we are trying to change that), so most of what we know of it comes from experience when we were missionaries. My husband has family members who are (or were) missionaries, and they only ever write or call when they need money. Hence my 'ATM' comment. They never ask how we are doing, how our children are, what is going on... only "God is doing this great work, why aren't you giving?" etc. My husband's father essentially stopped speaking to my husband when he found out that we were not planning to be missionaries. My kids only met their grandfather once--three months before he died. He never learned their names.

And yet, as much as part of me wants to resent that, I remember being exactly the same way when I was a missionary. I think of it now as a very real danger in missions--that people back home stop being 'people' and become faceless 'supporters' who are never sending enough money. I remember now with a lot of shame how we would take the money out of the envelopes and toss letters away unread. Our view of Americans became heavily skewed because we weren't among them enough to be forced to have our assumptions about them contradicted. 

I'm a little touchy on the subject of "Do Americans care enough about missions?" (probably too touchy to be replying to a thread on it) because my experience as a missionary was that all evil on our side was justified by saying dismissively, "Well, Americans just never care enough about missions. Americans are all rich and fat and lazy. Americans don't know anything about the world." etc. I even remember as a child speaking Korean to my brothers and sisters in front of kids who spoke only English, just to make the point that they knew only English, whereas I knew Korean.

If I today met myself during missionary days, I would find me intolerable. But at the same time, much of it was just the missionary culture, which tends to isolate people from their supporters, and isolation often leads to misunderstanding and lack of charity. I was shocked when I returned to the USA by several things--mostly by how hard it is to make a living in the USA. In Korea, we had the military base, the supporters back home, and then, if we ever needed extra money, wealthier Koreans were glad to pay us to tutor their kids in English. It never occurred to me that getting money was difficult. I had worked since I was fourteen, and I assumed I would just get a good job. Funny thing is, nobody wanted to hire a seventeen-year-old who had no car and no work experience that they could verify (since it was all in Korea). I finally landed work as a janitor, but even then, it was a near-starvation existence, and I ultimately lost the job because of transportation problems on Sundays, and then couldn't pay my rent anymore. I gained a lot more respect for the 'paltry' sums of money people used to put in their missionary envelopes. I also got to know a lot of poor people (as one tends to do when one is desperately poor), and realized that, contrary to what I had always been told and believed, many Americans are not wealthy, and some of them really struggle to buy the basic necessities.

So overall, when I complain about missionaries, I'm saying, "Don't be like me. Be a better person than I was." I look back and shake my head and think how silly it all seems now, and how I wish I had gotten to know of few of the dear souls that took such an interest in our work. But it does sound to me like you are more balanced in your approach. And part of me still loves missions, so much that I have sometimes dreamed of going back. It is something that never quite leaves you, even when you wish it would.

Ruben--that's an excellent point, and one that I'd be advised to remember even about missionaries being better people than I was--which I can hardly really expect when I did not succeed at it. There is, indeed, a certain understandable weariness about answering the same questions again and again, and dealing with profound ignorance of the realities in other parts of the world. And yet, humans always weary one another in various ways, being the fallen creatures that we are. Forgiveness is an integral part of any successful human relationship, and I suppose that includes missionary/supporter relationships as well, and both directions.


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## Caroline (Oct 13, 2012)

PS I would like to note, just to think over the idea of 'poverty in America' that I am hesitant to believe any statistics unless I can see how they derived their data. Most poor people that I knew (and myself when I was poor) were not in a position to be polled about things. We didn't have a regular place to live (and so received virtually no mail, or if we did, had it sent to someone else's address who could give it to us), did not have a phone that belonged to us (used payphones or borrowed a phone from someone else). We also filed no income taxes. Mostly, this was because we didn't know what 'filing income taxes' meant. It's funny, in retrospect, that most of us never got our tax refund because we simply had no idea it existed. Most poor people that I knew (and myself then) were not even on Medicaid. In order to get Medicaid, you have to go to appointments at Social Services in the middle of the day, and we had to work and didn't have transportation. I think most government services tend to hit the high end of the poverty scale--people who have some resources, enough at least to make it to Social Services appointments.

But that's just my two cents. It was my experience, but mine was admittedly limited. I just always look at statistics and wonder, "Where did they get this info? Did they call? Send letters? Talk to people who came into the Social Services office?" Desperately poor people are notoriously hard to reach, due to their lack of phones and residences...

Also, thanks for the offer of help if needed--it is kind. I am doing well now. I married my way out of the destitution when I was a teen, and it worked out well for me. We struggle a little from time to time as everyone does, but we are blessed.


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## Pergamum (Oct 13, 2012)

Caroline said:


> Pergamum,
> 
> I am sorry if what I said came across too harshly. One thing I should make clear here is that when I criticize missionaries, I am criticizing myself more than anyone. And my husband his missionary experience as well. We keep very little contact with missions these days (although we are trying to change that), so most of what we know of it comes from experience when we were missionaries. My husband has family members who are (or were) missionaries, and they only ever write or call when they need money. Hence my 'ATM' comment. They never ask how we are doing, how our children are, what is going on... only "God is doing this great work, why aren't you giving?" etc. My husband's father essentially stopped speaking to my husband when he found out that we were not planning to be missionaries. My kids only met their grandfather once--three months before he died. He never learned their names.
> 
> ...



Caroline, thank you for your frank and transparent manner and for recounting your trials. Please use your bad experiences to pray all the more for us and for my children, in particular, as I feel very inadequate in raising them. Thank you also for the reminders of the trials which also occur "on the homefront" as well so that is squashes my occasional feelings of discontentment here (sometimes I have envied some US pastor friends who have big libraries, ha ha). My family feels very privileged most of the time and I pray we keep it that way and expel any lack of gratitude, judgmentalism, or the hyper-criticalism which so easily besets me...and especially that I should shun any feelings of entitlement, since every goodness in life is only due to grace.

God bless.


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## a mere housewife (Oct 13, 2012)

I have enjoyed this exchange. Caroline and Pergy you are both among the most humble and generous and honest people I know.

In our short time filling in for other missionaries, our home church was (and remains) very wonderful. In my larger experience of the church and of missionaries, I think one of the things that supporting churches can fail to be aware of are the sacrifices that a wife is making and the greater sensitivity she tends to have towards criticism especially of their lifestyle choices on the field where supporters do not see the whole picture, and of her children. I think certain comments or criticisms can become more distasteful or difficult for a man because he knows how it affects his wife, and he knows better than others also what she is giving up to support him every day. Perhaps especially on furlough, everything a church can do to make the wife not simply comfortable but especially well cared for and valued, especially in whatever special needs she might have in caring for her kids, can go a long way with refreshing her husband as well.


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## KMK (Oct 13, 2012)

py3ak said:


> And perhaps the most genuinely charitable thing to do would be to try to ignore our own expectations



My wife and I have a saying which helps us to be neither overly optimistic or pessimistic: "Keep your standards high and your expectations low."


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## py3ak (Oct 14, 2012)

KMK said:


> py3ak said:
> 
> 
> > And perhaps the most genuinely charitable thing to do would be to try to ignore our own expectations
> ...



This is not the first time you've briefly summarized something I've struggled to clarify and typed long to express. Have you ever thought of releasing a book of aphorisms?

Indeed, Caroline - it is difficult to think a relationship will _reciprocally_ thrive without a pattern of mutual unpretentious forgiveness.


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## Leslie (Oct 16, 2012)

In my own context there have been several movements involving scores of M's coming to faith in Jesus without any involvement whatsoever of local protestant believers or churches. I've learned to keep quiet about this in the States, lest I be written off as a liar, daft, or worse. Yet I've seen it with my own eyes, rubbed shoulders and worked with these M background believers.


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## J. Dean (Oct 16, 2012)

See, this is an odd thread for me to read, seeing as how almost every church I've been to-Reformed, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Nazarene, Baptist-has had some sort of emphasis on mission work with periodic updates. Maybe I've been fortunate to avoid it, but I've yet to see a church seriously ignore missions or mission work.


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## chuckd (Oct 16, 2012)

J. Dean said:


> See, this is an odd thread for me to read, seeing as how almost every church I've been to-Reformed, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Nazarene, Baptist-has had some sort of emphasis on mission work with periodic updates. Maybe I've been fortunate to avoid it, but I've yet to see a church seriously ignore missions or mission work.



I think the complaint is not that they ignore missions, but their responsibility of caring only goes only so far as to write a check and the expectations of the missionary are to minister to the target people, minister to the church when home, and rely on God if things get tough. So it's not that churches don't care about missions, but rather they need to rethink what "caring" means.


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## J. Dean (Oct 16, 2012)

chuckd said:


> I think the complaint is not that they ignore missions, but their responsibility of caring only goes only so far as to write a check and the expectations of the missionary are to minister to the target people, minister to the church when home, and rely on God if things get tough. So it's not that churches don't care about missions, but rather they need to rethink what "caring" means.


I would think that it would be the church ministering to the missionary when they come home. That time home should be a time of refreshment for the missionary. Otherwise, you see burnout. That alone, I predict, would be a much needed relief for mission workers when they return.


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