# Out-of-wedlock child - now what?



## Von (May 26, 2017)

Would you expect a man and woman (or boy and girl) with an illegitimate child to marry? I always thought this was a no-brainer, until one of our pastors challenged my view.


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## Parakaleo (May 26, 2017)

If one is a believer and the other is not, it would be sin for the believer to marry the nonbeliever.


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## KMK (May 26, 2017)

A pastor would need so much more information than this to counsel them one way or the other. 


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Reactions: Like 2 | Amen 1


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## arapahoepark (May 26, 2017)

Von said:


> Would you expect a man and woman (or boy and girl) with an illegitimate child to marry? I always thought this was a no-brainer, until one of our pastors challenged my view.


How was your view challenged?

Reactions: Like 1


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## Von (May 26, 2017)

arapahoepark said:


> How was your view challenged?


Well, I never thought it was an option NOT to marry in these circumstances (I know this sounds very naive to me now), but I see now that it is a "wisdom-issue" that should take many things into account.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Edward (May 26, 2017)

Well, step one for the guy should be a DNA test. Even if he 'knows' he is responsible. 

Step two, if the results are positive, is to take financial responsibility. 

And step three is to take moral responsibility and man up.


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## KeithW (Jun 5, 2017)

From a non-Christian perspective, according to Larry Elder, a black conservative, the number one Black issue in America is not racism, it is that the amount of Black children raised without fathers has increased from 25% in 1965 to 75% now. No father in the family is terrible for children. He concludes with what Edward says, "man up".

You could start at 4:30 of this 8 minute video.
The Moment LARRY ELDER changed DAVE RUBINS Mind Forever (Systemic Racism)


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## KMK (Jun 6, 2017)

KeithW said:


> From a non-Christian perspective, according to Larry Elder, a black conservative, the number one Black issue in America is not racism, it is that the amount of Black children raised without fathers has increased from 25% in 1965 to 75% now. No father in the family is terrible for children. He concludes with what Edward says, "man up".
> 
> You could start at 4:30 of this 8 minute video.
> The Moment LARRY ELDER changed DAVE RUBINS Mind Forever (Systemic Racism)



Did I miss something? What makes you think that one or more persons in this scenario is black?


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## chuckd (Jun 6, 2017)

KMK said:


> Did I miss something? What makes you think that one or more persons in this scenario is black?


I don't think he does. Just a secular perspective of how fatherless children perpetuate poverty, crime, etc. Blacks in particular have been plagued by this. A father and mother raising their children together naturally generates wealth and stability.


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## Dachaser (Jun 6, 2017)

Parakaleo said:


> If one is a believer and the other is not, it would be sin for the believer to marry the nonbeliever.


Yes, as there would be a desire to marry, but would have to be like minded as concerning Jesus and things of the Faith, not just to marry as expected thing to do. saying this, the father is still obligated to provide for child and to be there whule growing up even if not married...


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## KeithW (Jun 6, 2017)

chuckd said:


> I don't think he does. Just a secular perspective of how fatherless children perpetuate poverty, crime, etc. Blacks in particular have been plagued by this. A father and mother raising their children together naturally generates wealth and stability.


Correct. The figure for whites is now up to 25% with no father in the home. The correlation between no father figure in the home and future bad social behavior is well documented.

Nothing in the original question indicated that either one was a Christian, but people have been assuming this is true so I will assume so also. The sin of fathering a child out of wedlock has already been committed. That father is already yoked to that mother. Being the father through the raising of the child is now his responsibility, and I don't mean just financially or from a distance.

If you look at King David, God forgave him because David repented. But God did not take away the responsibility and consequences of David's sin. Looking for a verse in the Bible which says do not be unequally yoked to give the man permission to distance himself from his responsibility compounds his sin. And it also can drastically hurt who that child will become. As long as the mother allows the father to marry her, so much more could be demonstrated in that Christian man's life if he from then on follows Christ, including demonstrating the Biblical concepts of responsibility and love.



KMK said:


> A pastor would need so much more information than this to counsel them one way or the other.


Very good point. If the original question was not a hypothetical one then real complex people are involved.


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## Edward (Jun 6, 2017)

KMK said:


> Did I miss something? What makes you think that one or more persons in this scenario is black?



No one made any such suggestion. The fact that blacks are essentially a generation ahead of whites in this wrongdoing suggests that whites can learn from the example.


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## KMK (Jun 6, 2017)

KeithW said:


> If the original question was not a hypothetical one then real complex people are involved.



Sorry, I didn't catch on to the fact that the OP was hypothetical. Carry on.


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## VictorBravo (Jun 7, 2017)

Edward said:


> No one made any such suggestion. The fact that blacks are essentially a generation ahead of whites in this wrongdoing suggests that whites can learn from the example.



Finally I can claim vanguard status for my little region! (Sadly).

Our rural county is probably 99.5% white. I'm a public defender here in the "Valley." I calculated last year that approximately 70% of my adult felony clients and 89% of my juvenile clients had non-married parents. Less than 5% of my dependency case load involves married parents.

But even among the "normal" people I meet in our valley, it is almost a surprise to find families with married parents, especially in the 21-35 age cohort.

The religious demographics are primarily Roman Catholic, Mormon, with a substantial SDA presence. Evangelicals are a minority. Broadly "Reformed" types are so insignificant that they wouldn't make a line on a pie-chart.

It's a strange world, and getting stranger almost by the month.


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## SolamVeritatem (Jun 7, 2017)

Edward said:


> No one made any such suggestion. The fact that blacks are essentially a generation ahead of whites in this wrongdoing suggests that whites can learn from the example.



Edward,

If, in a perfect world, you could rewrite the post reply above, would you word it differently or would you leave it the same?

Just curious...

In Him,

Craig


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## Edward (Jun 7, 2017)

SolamVeritatem said:


> If, in a perfect world, you could rewrite the post reply above, would you word it differently or would you leave it the same?
> 
> Just curious...



Here, I'd leave it the same. In other settings, I might be more blunt, or at least use historic legal terminology that I'm quite sure would give offense to some here.

Reactions: Like 1


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## SolamVeritatem (Jun 7, 2017)

Understood.

Grace to you.

Craig


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