# Asking Why?



## Theognome (May 27, 2009)

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? 

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? 

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? 

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? 

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? 

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? 

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? 

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? 

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? 

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? 

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? 

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? 

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you clumsy idiot?" 

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? 

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? 

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? 

And the Number 1 - why . . . 

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it might be you. 

Theognome


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## smhbbag (May 27, 2009)

I don't mean to turn a funny thread in a serious direction, but....



> How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?



The same reason there are plenty of 'yo mama' jokes, and no 'yo daddy' jokes. So many people don't have fathers, or hate their fathers, that such jokes and insults lose all their impact on more than half the population. However, almost everybody knows and loves their mamas, and so the jokes have more sticking power. A sad state of affairs.

And I'll add another one....

Why do people start a post with "I don't mean to do X, but...." when doing X was precisely the purpose of the post?


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## Whitefield (May 27, 2009)

Why is it people ask, "Got a minute?" when they really want an hour to talk your ear off?


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## Theognome (May 27, 2009)

Whitefield said:


> Why is it people ask, "Got a minute?" when they really want an hour to talk your ear off?



I'm in phone sales- Welcome to my world.

Theognome


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## blhowes (May 27, 2009)

Theognome said:


> Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
> <snip>
> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
> <snip>
> Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?


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## Montanablue (May 27, 2009)

> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?



Oh my heavens, I've never considered this before.  This is what I will think about all day now.


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## Reluctantly Reforming (May 27, 2009)

It's an old saw, but one never answered: why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

A corollary to perpetually-discounted mattresses: why is it that those furniture stores that are always threatening to close their doors (Lost our Lease! Inventory Reduction! Going Out of Business! ad nauseum) never actually do so?


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## BJClark (May 27, 2009)

Theognome;



> ]Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?



We hope to push life back into the batteries..(CPR, CPR)



> Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?



Because they don't have any money either..and they can't raise your taxes..



> Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?



who says they really believe there are four billion stars?? 



> Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?



because it sticks to the outside of the bottle..



> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?



He has to look different from Cheeta 



> Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?



The revolver would leave a bruise



> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?



they don't want to mess their hair up.. 



> Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?



a doctor who liked to be spit on 



> If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?



they are clones 



> Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?



the water washes all the color away 



> Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?



probably not--



> Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?



they are trying out the name it and claim it Gospel.. 



> Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?



pure stupidity 



> Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?



You've got to be smarter than the plastic bag.. 



> How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?



They go in through the little holes next to the screws..



> When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you clumsy idiot?"



Because we are all liars.. 



> Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?



were trying to be God..we should just let it fall 



> In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?



who complains about the heat???



> How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?



Men would get offended 



> The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it might be you.



I know it's me...I don't even have to look at my friends..


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## Augusta (May 27, 2009)

Why do people always hit the button on crosswalks at LEAST three times? Actually it's usually a jackhammer motion.


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## LawrenceU (May 27, 2009)

Why is the grass always greener over the field lines in my back yard? 

Oh, wait. I know why. But, my neighbor just can't seem to figure it out!


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## Whitefield (May 27, 2009)

Augusta said:


> Why do people always hit the button on crosswalks at LEAST three times? Actually it's usually a jackhammer motion.



Well, I do know the more you push the elevator button the quicker the car comes. Maybe the same physics apply here.


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## Semper Fidelis (May 27, 2009)

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?


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## LawrenceU (May 27, 2009)

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there does it matter?


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## Theognome (May 27, 2009)

If the #2 pencil is so popular, why isn't it #1?

Theognome


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## MrMerlin777 (May 27, 2009)

Why does teflon stick to a skillet when nothing sticks to teflon?


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## awretchsavedbygrace (May 27, 2009)

Theognome said:


> If the #2 pencil is so popular, why isn't it #1?
> 
> Theognome



2 percent lead.


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## OPC'n (May 27, 2009)

Hahahaha! That was good!


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## Knoxienne (May 27, 2009)

Has anyone here, upon leaving to run errands, ever literally laughed all the way to the bank?


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## awretchsavedbygrace (May 27, 2009)

Knoxienne said:


> Has anyone here, upon leaving to run errands, ever literally laughed all the way to the bank?



No. I sense some Charasmatic manifestations occurring here. We will pray for you.


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## he beholds (May 27, 2009)

Joshua said:


> Why do people say, "I'm gonna go have a beer," and they go drink a Coors, Miller, Budweiser, or some other drink that is _not_ beer?



Why ask Why?
Try Bud Dry.


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## LawrenceU (May 27, 2009)

he beholds said:


> Joshua said:
> 
> 
> > Why do people say, "I'm gonna go have a beer," and they go drink a Coors, Miller, Budweiser, or some other drink that is _not_ beer?
> ...


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## he beholds (May 27, 2009)

LawrenceU said:


> he beholds said:
> 
> 
> > Joshua said:
> ...



is that little guy spitting?


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## LawrenceU (May 27, 2009)

he beholds said:


> LawrenceU said:
> 
> 
> > he beholds said:
> ...



Yep. I put the wrong smiley there it should be:
 or


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## he beholds (May 27, 2009)

LawrenceU said:


> he beholds said:
> 
> 
> > LawrenceU said:
> ...



ok! i thought it was a baseball thing!! much better. 
bud light lime?


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## Rich Koster (May 27, 2009)

Have you been secretly having lunch with Andy Rooney? 





Theognome said:


> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
> 
> Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
> 
> ...


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## Mushroom (May 27, 2009)

Why do people talk louder and slower when speaking to someone who does not understand their language?


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## Theognome (May 27, 2009)

Brad said:


> Why do people talk louder and slower when speaking to someone who does not understand their language?



Is that what we've been doing to Martin?

Theognome


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## Augusta (May 27, 2009)

he beholds said:


> LawrenceU said:
> 
> 
> > he beholds said:
> ...



Why is what he is spitting green? *shudder*


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## Spinningplates2 (May 27, 2009)

LawrenceU said:


> If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there does it matter?



A tree that falls in the woods makes the sound of one hand clapping.


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## Pergamum (May 27, 2009)

What was wrong with Preparation A, B,C,D,E,F, and G?


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