# Children in Service



## vgallo6 (Nov 24, 2008)

Hi im seeking some advice. My wife and i have a one year old Dalia and when we take her to service she starts to just make noise. She doesnt cry but she gets restless and starts to make loud sounds. Some are screams and some are just loud noises. As if she is trying to talk but talk loudly. Any tips on ways to keep them quiet? At home its the same when we have devotion at dinner times.


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## rgreen (Nov 24, 2008)

Wow. If there are any answers out there to this, I would like to hear them too!


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## Notthemama1984 (Nov 24, 2008)

Is it bothering other members of the church? If not, I would not worry about it too much. You said so yourself that she is not crying, but just making noises. At one year I cannot see how she can really grasp the idea of inside voice.



PS seeing how she is loud when the Word is being preached, maybe she is just giving her version of a mighty Hallelujah!


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## Tim (Nov 24, 2008)

If this happens during devotions at home too, you will be able to "practice" encouraging your daughter to attend well, even if this doesn't actually happen for some time.


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## vgallo6 (Nov 24, 2008)

Chaplainintraining said:


> Is it bothering other members of the church? If not, I would not worry about it too much. You said so yourself that she is not crying, but just making noises. At one year I cannot see how she can really grasp the idea of inside voice.
> 
> 
> 
> PS seeing how she is loud when the Word is being preached, maybe she is just giving her version of a mighty Hallelujah!




Probably not most people at church are gracious. I end up stressing when she does it, thinking that people are being bothered. 
Thanks! I would definitely welcome more comments.


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## LadyFlynt (Nov 24, 2008)

She's one. Be gracious. Can she sit on your lap? Will Daddy jigglying his leg up and down bounce her to sleep? May she have a crayon and paper? Do you have cherios on hand?


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## Pergamum (Nov 24, 2008)

If she bothers you, chances are she is bothering those immediately near you.


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## Honor (Nov 24, 2008)

cheerios are what it's all about at one!!!! my advice would be to practice at family worship time at home and maybe have her sit in with you until she starts being loud and then take her to the nursery.... we started bringing our boys in to church with us at 3 and it's still a bit difficult from time to time but at one... I would say Kudos to you for attempting it... my nerves would be to frazzled to pay attention to the sermon and I remember it was at that time that I felt I needed the sermon more than any other time in my life... does that make sense?


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## Notthemama1984 (Nov 24, 2008)

Pergamum said:


> If she bothers you, chances are she is bothering those immediately near you.




Not necessarily. I was at a library recently where a couple had a little girl who was being a bit loud. She was just excited to see pictures of animals in a book. The parents seemed worried that it was causing problems and even the librarian informed them that she needed to be quiet, but to me and the man sitting next to me it was a blessing to see a little girl so excited to see God's creation. 

I would not try to assume what the rest of the congregation feels. I would ask. Ask the pastor too. See if it is a distraction for him. You might be surprised at the answer. I remember we had a baby in our service once that was getting excited and loud. Instead of the pastor getting annoyed with it, he actually went down, picked up the baby, walked back behind the pulpit, and changed his sermon to Mark 10:13-14. I say this just to point out that you never know what others are thinking unless you ask.


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## Backwoods Presbyterian (Nov 24, 2008)

Frankly I think people in general need to "deal with it" and figure out why it is that a young one making noise is bothering them instead of stigmatizing the parents for not keeping their kids library quiet, especially kids under 3 or 4. I for one when I am preaching am never the least bit distracted when a child screams or a baby cries. It is not mausoleum time when the Call to Worship is read.


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## TimV (Nov 24, 2008)

It's still something I'm not totally used to. In the California Reformed churches where my oldest kids were babies, if they started making noise, the mothers would take them to the nursery and discipline them, then they'd come back and nobody was bothered. In the Reformed churches we were in for 9 years in South Africa it was pretty much the same, and whether a church was 30 people or 1000 people there just weren't the kind of disturbances that are taken for granted nowadays. The kids would all sit there still and listen to the sermon.

It's taken a while, but I'm starting to be able to tune out the noise, which at my church seems to be encouraged by the young parents. I think that the horses have bolted on this one, and closing the barn doors is way too late.


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## LadyFlynt (Nov 24, 2008)

Yes, usually parents are more bothered than others. If others are bothered, then it's usually someone over sensitive.


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## Kim G (Nov 24, 2008)

My mom always had a snack for my little brother (cheerios or m&ms) as well as crayons and paper. He just quietly scribbled on the paper during the sermon. When he got a little older, mom gave him a pen or pencil to use. Eventually maybe you can teach them to take notes in the service instead of drawing cowboys or astronauts.


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## he beholds (Nov 24, 2008)

I had a lengthy answer here, but I will post it in educating your child instead.


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## TimV (Nov 24, 2008)

Well, Jessica, it seems like some of the horses are still in the barn after all.


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## Pergamum (Nov 24, 2008)

Chaplainintraining said:


> Pergamum said:
> 
> 
> > If she bothers you, chances are she is bothering those immediately near you.
> ...



she bothered the librarian too it seems.


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## he beholds (Nov 24, 2008)

TimV said:


> Well, Jessica, it seems like some of the horses are still in the barn after all.



hahaha...thanks, I think


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## Nate (Nov 24, 2008)

I would ask the pastor/elders what they think. At our home church, noisy children are taken into the back until they are quieted down. At the church we currently attend the elders and members have made it very clear to us that noisy children are not a distraction at all and we should only take them to the back if the parents are bothered (the pastor announces this before every service for the sake of any visitors). Different congregations have different feelings on this.

By using the cheerio/crayon technique, our 1 yr old learned to sit quietly in church after about 4-5 weeks, and now at 2.5 yrs old is even partially listening to the sermons after learning to sitting through whole services for 1 and a half years.


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## Leslie (Nov 24, 2008)

Try to pray over her before the service. This kind of thing that disrupts worship in particular but is not problematic at other times might (or might not) be demonic. Ask for protection if this is the case. It might solve the problem.


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## LadyFlynt (Nov 24, 2008)

Leslie said:


> Try to pray over her before the service. This kind of thing that disrupts worship in particular but is not problematic at other times might (or might not) be demonic. Ask for protection if this is the case. It might solve the problem.



Children act like children. I definitely would not attribute such to demonic activity.


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## Semper Fidelis (Nov 24, 2008)

I'll be honest that I think this is a parent's call. We discipline our children over time to be able to sit through an entire service. This is a combination of home devotions and Church service. I've never been a big fan of having a hard and fast rule that the child must stay with Mom and Dad through the entire service regardless of age and we take our youngest to the nursery when he starts to distract us from the Sermon.

If people want to have their infants throughout the entire service then I can tune them out. It's my own that end up distracting us so much that it ends up being more a matter of watching them than being fed by the Word. If others are better at it than we then good but my priority is to hear the Word preached.

As I said, I'm usually not the kind of person that frets about the fact that others might have chosen something else for their kids at the age of 1. What I do have a problem with is Churches that don't provide nurseries and pretty much stifle any visiting parents that might not have their children under control. We can manage and our choice is personal. I've seen Churches where the expectation on parents is that they must be able to watch their kids. Thus, the ability to have trained kids in such Churches _precedes_ the hearing of the Gospel: Law before Grace. You're welcome in our Church new visitors if you have children that are under control.

The Temple did have a court for women and children after all.


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## Mushroom (Nov 24, 2008)

We used gentle discipline and sometimes the nursery to teach ours proper decorum during worship. My son in particular got to visit the narthex with his Dad regularly; he had this strange habit of screaming, "Stop singing!" at the top of his lungs over and over during songs. The two of us would have a serious conversation as to the propriety of that, and soon enough we'd be back in service, happily singing away.

The congregation was unflustered as far as I could tell.

When he was baptised at age 2 (when we realized the validity of paedobaptism), he began rubbing his head as though he were shampooing. Guess he wanted to make sure it soaked in.

I am completely unfazed by noisy babes in worship. Now older kids and adults having conversations during the sermon, that's a different story.... Oh, and watch alarms going off. I've been tempted to offer a seminar on how to turn them off for the technologically challenged.


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## Notthemama1984 (Nov 24, 2008)

At least he got the Narthex. My dad was the pastor and I remember one Sunday I was acting up on the front row somehow. My dad had given me the look a couple time during his sermon, but it was not working. Finally, my dad stopped the sermon, apologized to the congregation, and proceeded to give me a good thump on the ear right there in front of everyone. 

Needless to say, I was the best behaved little boy after that one.


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## Prufrock (Nov 24, 2008)

When I became a member of my present church, it was the first time I'd been in a church where babies and small children were actually present in the worship services. I thought it would be distracting. Now, it feels strange when I'm at another church and there are no squirms and giggles and cries and screams around me. It feels like something is missing -- Jesus' little ones. I like it when I know they're there.


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## asc (Nov 24, 2008)

even my 3 year old won't sit for long in service.

my wife is actually averse to forcing him sit through the service. she says she has bad memories of being forced to sit through service as a young child being bored to death and not understanding anything.


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## he beholds (Nov 24, 2008)

Brad said:


> We used gentle discipline and sometimes the nursery to teach ours proper decorum during worship. My son in particular got to visit the narthex with his Dad regularly; *he had this strange habit of screaming, "Stop singing!" at the top of his lungs over and over during songs. *The two of us would have a serious conversation as to the propriety of that, and soon enough we'd be back in service, happily singing away.
> 
> The congregation was unflustered as far as I could tell.
> 
> ...



Hahahahaha...I could see my son doing this. So far, thankfully, he hasn't tried it at church, but he does sometimes tell us to stop singing at home or in the car.


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## jambo (Nov 24, 2008)

When children are noisy the parents are usually much more conscious of it than others in the congregation. There is a big difference between a child making a noise and a child being a distraction. I always feel it is a good sign where parents do not feel under pressure when their children make a noise.


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## rgreen (Nov 25, 2008)

*I'm still pretty new at this...*



he beholds said:


> I had a lengthy answer here, but I will post it in educating your child instead.



How do I get there?


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## Prufrock (Nov 25, 2008)

rgreen said:


> he beholds said:
> 
> 
> > I had a lengthy answer here, but I will post it in educating your child instead.
> ...



Here is a link, Rach.


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## KMK (Nov 25, 2008)

We put out 1 year old down for a nap every day at the exact time in the morning when the sermon begins on Sunday. That way her system is already wired for quietness at that time. Works like a charm.


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## turmeric (Nov 25, 2008)

I think the people who tend to be disturbed are people like me who never had younger siblings and who have no children. We're just not used to it. People who have big families learn to just tune it out.


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## LadyFlynt (Nov 25, 2008)

turmeric said:


> I think the people who tend to be disturbed are people like me who never had younger siblings and who have no children. We're just not used to it. People who have big families learn to just tune it out.


You know, this is very true. Currently, uncle and cousin live with us. The difficulty has been the balance between her not being used the loudness/business of our family and my feeling like I have to constantly, and unnaturally, constrain my children from their normal play, excitement, and voices. But if we work to be together, we can balance out and we all learn grace and patience


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## vgallo6 (Nov 27, 2008)

Wow thanks for the great advice everyone. My wife and i read this together and we are really encouraged.


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## SueS (Dec 7, 2008)

At our church the parents with small children tend to sit in the back so that they can make an unobtrusive exit when a little one gets a bit too disruptive - works like a champ! We have a rather large percentage of elderly in our congregation so parents have to be sensitive to their needs.

We recently formed a new Bible study for the young mothers and when we meet there are at least 10 children, 7yo and under, running in and out of the nearby nursery while we are meeting. We're able to tune them out for the most part and it is such a blessing to know they are seeing their mothers (and a grandma - me!) studying the Word and praying. Our set-up would definitely *not* work with the other lady's Bible study where the average age is 70!

BTW - I love the idea of training a baby to nap during the time when the sermon is normally preached!


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## Jon Lake (Dec 7, 2008)

LadyFlynt said:


> She's one. Be gracious. Can she sit on your lap? Will Daddy jigglying his leg up and down bounce her to sleep? May she have a crayon and paper? Do you have cherios on hand?


When our niece and nephew were younger, crayons and a notebook worked like a CHARM! (Or you can slip them some Nyquill...kidding...it was tempting at times...) but no, crayons worked! Now our niece loves Church, in fact, she even shushed a bawling infant! I looked at the kid's parents and we all started laughing...the "church laugh" you shake and a your eyes water but you are TRYING not to make noise!


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