# You Might Be a Presbyterian If . .



## Arch2k (Dec 3, 2005)

1. You've got a big bushy beard in honor of R. L. Dabney. 

2. You can spell supralapsrian , suprlapsarian, suralapsrian, supralapsarian. 

3. When asked to name the twelve apostles you say Matthew, John, James, Andrew, Peter, Nathaniel, Phillip, Simon, Thomas, Augustine, Luther and Calvin. 

4. You used to be a Baptist. 

5. You started drinking ("in moderation" of course) after you left the Baptist church and became a Presbyterian. 

6. Your children's names all begin with "covenant." In other words, normal people have babies, boys, girls, kids, and/or children. Presbyterians, on the other hand have "covenant" children. Instead of introducing your kids as Billy, Bobby and Suzy, it would be more proper to introduce them as Covenant-Bill, Covenant-Bob, and Covenant-Sue.

7. When the spirit comes upon you in power, you don't raise your hands and shout Hallelujuah, rather you scratch your chin, turn to your neighbor and whisper "hmmm, . . . that was a good point."

8. You think fencing has something to do with the Lord's Supper instead of swords. 

9. You've considered church discipline for people who watch the NFL on Sunday afternoon.

10. When someone asks you a question about the Bible, you answer, "Well, the confession says . . . " or "the catechism says . . . " 

11. Charles Spurgeon is just a little too Arminian for your blood. 

12. They aren't "catholics," or even "Roman Catholics." They're "Romanists," or "Papists."

13. You secretly suspect that John Calvin was a liberal because of his compromise on the Sabbath issue. 

14. You know the meaning of most or all of the following - PCA, PCUS, PCUSA, PC(USA), PC(U.S.A.), PCUSA(NS), PCUSA(OS), RPCES, RPCNA-GS, RPCNA, EPC, OPC, ARP, NAPARC, CRC, RCA, BPC, BPC-Collingswood, BPC-Columbus, CPC, TE, RE, WCF, WLC, WSC, BCO, UPC, UPCNA, UPCUSA, NPC,

15. You know, or think you know, the difference between "calvinist" and "reformed."

16. You think the phrase "chosen frozen" is a compliment.


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Dec 3, 2005)




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## Archlute (Dec 3, 2005)

For any of us who formerly spent time in Charismatic circles, #7 has got to win the prize!

[Edited on 12-3-2005 by Archlute]


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## Bladestunner316 (Dec 3, 2005)

Guess what pops up first?Frozen Chosen

[Edited on 12-3-2005 by Bladestunner316]


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## Bladestunner316 (Dec 3, 2005)

I think you asked for a can o worm's saying Spurgeon was too arminian


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## gwine (Dec 3, 2005)

> 10. When someone asks you a question about the Bible, you answer, "Well, the confession says . . . " or "the catechism says . . . "



That one's gonna hurt in the morning . . .


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## CalsFarmer (Dec 3, 2005)

I must not be Presbyterian then. In my humble opinion bad taste and not funny.


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## Arch2k (Dec 3, 2005)

You know you're reformed when...


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## Anton Bruckner (Dec 3, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Jeff_Bartel_
> 
> 
> 7. When the spirit comes upon you in power, you don't raise your hands and shout Hallelujuah, rather you scratch your chin, turn to your neighbor and whisper "hmmm, . . . that was a good point."
> ...


LOL:bigsmile:


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## Arch2k (Dec 3, 2005)

> _Originally posted by CalsFarmer_
> I must not be Presbyterian then. In my humble opinion bad taste and not funny.





> _Originally posted by joshua_
> Of course, knowing Jeff, he probably *did* mean offense.
> 
> Just _joshin'_, Jeff.



You might be Presbyterian if you have no sense of humor. 

I am really only kidding. 

I'm guessing by Josh's sense of humor, he'll never make it to Presbyterian...


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## Arch2k (Dec 3, 2005)

You might be Presbyterian if even though you are really a member of a baptist church, you try to convince everyone around you that you really ARE Presbyterian.


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## Arch2k (Dec 3, 2005)

*And by \"assumption\" you mean...definition number 6???*

Webster's 1828 Dictionary


> Assumption
> ASSUMP'TION, n. [L. assumptio.]
> 
> 1. The act of taking to one's self.
> ...


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## Devin (Dec 3, 2005)

7. When the spirit comes upon you in power, you don't raise your hands and shout Hallelujuah, rather you scratch your chin, turn to your neighbor and whisper "hmmm, . . . that was a good point."

That one was too good.


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## daveb (Dec 3, 2005)

> 4. You used to be a Baptist.
> 
> 5. You started drinking ("in moderation" of course) after you left the Baptist church and became a Presbyterian.



Happened to me!


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## Peter (Dec 4, 2005)

You Might Be a Calvinist If you believe Servetus got his comeuppance


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## Me Died Blue (Dec 4, 2005)

You might be a Presbyterian if your church announces a "pot-providence" in the bulletin (the church I attend when visiting back in Cincinnati did this).


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## Arch2k (Dec 4, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Me Died Blue_
> You might be a Presbyterian if your church announces a "pot-providence" in the bulletin (the church I attend when visiting back in Cincinnati did this).



Our church calls this meal the same thing!


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## Average Joey (Dec 4, 2005)

Ours too!


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## jfschultz (Dec 4, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Jeff_Bartel_
> 16. You think the phrase "chosen frozen" is a compliment.



Many are cold but a few are frozen. :bigsmile:


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## jfschultz (Dec 4, 2005)

You use enough Latin to sound like a papist. Sprinkling your speech with expressions like "Sola Scriptura", "Soli Deo Gloria", "Deo Volente", and "Posse Paccare" (in various combinations with non prefix).


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## alwaysreforming (Dec 5, 2005)

> _Originally posted by jfschultz_
> You use enough Latin to sound like a papist. Sprinkling your speech with expressions like "Sola Scriptura", "Soli Deo Gloria", "Deo Volente", and "Posse Paccare" (in various combinations with non prefix).



OUCH! That one hit home!


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## Scott (Dec 5, 2005)

From an article by 20th century lawyer Clarence Darrow (Scopes Monkey Trial guy) on how good or bad members of different denominations are on juries: 


> If a Presbyterian enters the jury box and carefully rolls up his umbrella, and calmly and critically sits down, let him go. He is cold as the grave; he knows right from wrong, although he seldom finds anything right. He believes in John Calvin and eternal punishment. Get rid of him with the fewest possible words before he contaminates the others; unless you and your clients are Presbyterians you probably are a bad lot, and even though you may be a Presbyterian, your client most likely is guilty.


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## Arch2k (Dec 5, 2005)




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## kceaster (Dec 5, 2005)

"Frozen Chosen" may not be a badge of honor, but "Frozen Chosin" is.

See here.

Semper Fi, Mac.

KC


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