# Who gets my kids...?



## irresistible_grace (Jan 27, 2013)

Without sharing too much...
We have three children & my husbands company is offering FREE Estate Planning this year which includes a Will.
We don't have money other than retirement that we just stated contributing to so that's not an issue but "who gets our kids" if me & my husband die at the same time is an issue.
Any advice welcome.
(Have a blessed LORD's Day)


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## Alan D. Strange (Jan 27, 2013)

I assume that this is a principial question, since none of us here (unless we knew you and yours personally) could answer the personal question.

Principially, your children, in the event of the death of both of you, should go to those who could rear them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Family first, of course, but if none of them could or would do that, then branching out from there to fellow believers--friends in your church or in another church. Of course, you would have to speak to them and secure such agreement, but you would want your children to go to someone you know and trust to rear them in the fear of the Lord.

Peace,
Alan


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## Miss Marple (Jan 27, 2013)

It is wise to indicate in your will your first, second, and third choice for those who ought to take in your children should you AND your spouse die OR become incapacitated.

It does not obligate those you name. But it does indicate your wishes.

Commonly, in California, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and adult siblings are sought out. But if there is no will, the social worker decides who is best. She may prefer, say, your secular parents to your Christian brother and sister-in-law. So to have your preferences in your will is helpful.

Also, you should speak to those you are naming to get their conditional consent.

Finally, you should let other family members know who you are naming, if possible.

I've told my adult son I "expect" him to take in his underage siblings should we pass away. He is aware and willing.


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## Goodcheer68 (Jan 27, 2013)

I would echo Alan's advice. This is something that my wife and I have been trying to work through. We love our family on both sides of the marriage, but neither side is grounded in God's Word-some charismatics and some CC's who are not consistent in attending church; missing a year or two at times. I would rather have friends who are strong Reformed believers raise them than anyone on either side of our family. At first she was opposed but is coming around more and more as she really assesses the whole situation.


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## Miss Marple (Jan 27, 2013)

It seems to me it would be right and reasonable to communicate to the strong Christian friends that you would like your children to have an ongoing relationship with family on both sides of the marriage, just not a custodial relationship.


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## Goodcheer68 (Jan 28, 2013)

Miss Marple said:


> It seems to me it would be right and reasonable to communicate to the strong Christian friends that you would like your children to have an ongoing relationship with family on both sides of the marriage, just not a custodial relationship.



I would hope that is a given


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