# Question Regarding Courting



## WaywardNowHome (May 22, 2009)

Recently, I've been thinking about various marriage and courtship scenarios because I'm finally reaching an age where it may be reasonable to expect it in the near future.

One scenario that has got me thinking is the following: suppose that I meet a nice Christian girl and we become good friends, we hit it off, etc. and we stay good friends for a while before it reaches a point where I am considering marrying this girl and she reciprocates the notion. However, let's say her parents are not Christians, maybe even anti-Christian, and they've been trying to subdue the Christianity in her life.

How is someone in this position supposed approach the situation? More specifically, what if I ask her father for his daughter's hand in marriage and he adamantly refuses due to my Christian identity? Am I to honor that decision and move on?


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## Idelette (May 22, 2009)

WaywardNowHome said:


> Recently, I've been thinking about various marriage and courtship scenarios because I'm finally reaching an age where it may be reasonable to expect it in the near future.
> 
> One scenario that has got me thinking is the following: suppose that I meet a nice Christian girl and we become good friends, we hit it off, etc. and we stay good friends for a while before it reaches a point where I am considering marrying this girl and she reciprocates the notion. However, let's say her parents are not Christians, maybe even anti-Christian, and they've been trying to subdue the Christianity in her life.
> 
> How is someone in this position supposed approach the situation? More specifically, what if I ask her father for his daughter's hand in marriage and he adamantly refuses due to my Christian identity? Am I to honor that decision and move on?



That is truly a difficult situation, I can empathize with this as my father is an unbeliever and he's certainly tried subduing my faith over the years! I think honoring any father (believer or not) is very important, and should be done with much grace! I think if you do find yourself in this situation....I can't stress the importance of prayer and seeking godly counsel from the leaders of your church! I would probably talk with them at great length first before you approached the father.

As a side note...... 
I've often wrestled with this issue myself, as I do want to honor my parents. But, I know that God is so much greater than any obstacle! I am convinced that if it is His will for my life, then over time He will work out those details even if it is difficult for me! I have seen Him work in my parent's in ways that I didn't expect before, so I am confident that God will work out all things! I hope that can give you some encouragement!


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## Spinningplates2 (May 22, 2009)

WaywardNowHome said:


> what if I ask her father for his daughter's hand in marriage and he adamantly refuses due to my Christian identity? Am I to honor that decision and move on?



Only if you want to preserve a good Christian witness.


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## CredoFidoSpero (May 22, 2009)

If it helps, I have had more than one Christian friend whose parents were very hostile to their faith - even one whose Catholic parents basically disowned her for a while. But watching a young man living by Biblical principles who is respectful and protective of his daughter through the whole friendship/courting/engagement process goes a long way in melting a father's heart. And I've known unbelieving, previously hostile, fathers who gave unreserved consent and blessing when the time came to ask for their daughter's hand.

If you get to that point and the father does say no, that is a hard one, but respecting his no would be good Christian witness, and a good witness to your character. And if you really want to marry each other, I think you should consider backing off and waiting and seeing if his heart can change.

I think it's best to just commit yourself to do what you know is right according to God's Word; God can take care of the rest - even the unregenerate heart is in His hands.

"When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him." Proverbs 16:7


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## Idelette (May 22, 2009)

CredoFidoSpero said:


> I think it's best to just commit yourself to do what you know is right according to God's Word; God can take care of the rest - even the unregenerate heart is in His hands.
> 
> "When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him." Proverbs 16:7



Amen! I couldn't agree with you more!


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## Grace Alone (May 22, 2009)

Is there somewhere in scripture that says the father has to give "permission" (especially if she is grown and living on her own)? 
I think it is desirable to have her parents' blessing, and I think it would serve you well to do whatever you could to win them over long before you get to that point. I am sure you wouldn't be pushing your beliefs on them, so I don't see why that would really be a problem.


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## AThornquist (May 22, 2009)

WaywardNowHome said:


> One scenario that has got me thinking is the following: suppose that I meet a nice Christian girl and we become good friends, we hit it off, etc. and we stay good friends for a while before it reaches a point where I am considering marrying this girl and she reciprocates the notion. However, let's say her parents are not Christians, maybe even anti-Christian, and they've been trying to subdue the Christianity in her life.



You rock. How _convenient_ that you give this scenario since I may be in it in the future, except an added issue is that the father has been a professed Christian for 20 or so years yet abused several of his daughters their entire lives. I hardly care for the man's opinion because of that, even more so now that the girl is living on her own. Anyway, thanks for bringing up the scenario, brother!

(And I can see you with your potential helpmeet--"I am disinclined to remain in our marital dispositions. I move to become one flesh. Do you reciprocate the notion?" .... So romantic )



Grace Alone said:


> Is there somewhere in scripture that says the father has to give "permission" (especially if she is grown and living on her own)?
> I think it is desirable to have her parents' blessing, and I think it would serve you well to do whatever you could to win them over long before you get to that point. I am sure you wouldn't be pushing your beliefs on them, so I don't see why that would really be a problem.



I concur completely. Hopefully people interact with your thoughts.


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## JML (May 22, 2009)

Grace Alone,

I think you are referring to 1 Corinthians 7:36-38.
The question would be whether or not she is still under her father's rule. The Scripture interestingly enough gives no age for the daughter in 1 Corinthians. So my daughter can't get married until she is at least 50. Ok maybe 45, maybe.


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