# Grievous sexual sin (paedophilia): forgiveness and consequences



## mickey9475 (Feb 27, 2022)

Hi all,

My question is: if a person commits a grievous sin but shows signs of repentance do we as Christians have a moral duty to still report that person to the authorities to face the consequences of their actions?

I'm looking for biblical guidance I can give to a believing friend whose stepfather was caught sexually abusing her six year old daughter (i.e. effectively the stepdad's granddaughter). The abuse was supposedly "limited" to stripping her and touching her inappropriately (i.e. no penetration) and took place when the stepfather was left alone with the child while the mother was out at work, as determined from a psychologist the child has been seeing since it came to light. Due to the fact that they live in a country where a prison sentence for a child molester is effectively a death sentence the family have not reported him, but have rather cut off all ties. The abuser has since shown signs of repenting and now seems to be hoping that the extended family who are all believers will welcome him back without him having to face any consequences whatsoever. My friend is afraid that her stepfather may molest some other child, which would technically make her complicit in any future crime he may commit seeing as she has chosen not to report him to the authorities. My friend's mother and stepfather have since separated, but have not divorced.

Any biblical advice, especially with verses to back up the advice, would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks!


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## Romans922 (Feb 27, 2022)

You have a duty in the CHURCH, and also a duty to the CIVIL MAGISTRATE. I'm not sure of N. Ireland laws. But often here in the USA, Pastors have to report such abuse, doctors too. Some places all people have to report it if they become aware of it. And the Lord has given the sword to the magistrate for a reason (to the physical keeping of the 6th commandment and 7th commandment). "Due to the fact that they live in a country where a prison sentence for a child molester is effectively a death sentence the family have not reported him, but have rather cut off all ties." All the more the sword (magistrate) should have kept him from it, but it did not. This and punishments should not keep us from going to the magistrate. Sin has consequences my friend, and we are not the determiners of who truly repents or not, nor is that the magistrate's duty to determine. They have civil laws, in this case, very much aligned with God's law and violators of the 7th commandment. And punishments for it. They are there for a reason... 

So too this should be taken to the church court (if a Christian), and elders are to determine if there is true repentance. Sometimes repentance looks like I got caught so I'm sorry, but there is no true heart change. But even in the Church, repentance does not eliminate church discipline. There are consequences for sin, and that is to be determined by the elders.

Sexual abusers are often great manipulators, and apologetic. But sexual abusers have some great theological problems. Heart problems. And if they have done this once, they are very very likely to do it again, and may have done it previously. This is why it is important to submit to the civil and ecclesiastical authorities as God has placed them there, and for them to handle the situation.

Gal. 6:1-2; Heb. 13:17 - ecclesiastical
Rom. 13:1-7 - civil

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## Smeagol (Feb 27, 2022)

The 6 year child whom cannot defend themselves is owed to have her offender reported to the authorities (ecclesiastical & civil). This is also to the benefit of loving your neighbors in the community. If those involved are part of the church, this needs to be addressed by the elders. However, this was also a civil sin and should be reported to the civil magistrate as well, to allow them to have a say in judgment.

The fact that the abuser does not want to be reported and face their judgment is likely a sign of half-hearted or false repentance. If the Elders believe the repentance is genuine, then yes treat the brother as being forgiven, but likely with behavioral restrictions to help the brother not stumble again. BUT, this in no way negates the duty owed of reporting the matter to the Civil Magistrate.

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## Romans922 (Feb 27, 2022)

I agree with this Grant as well.


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## Pergamum (Feb 27, 2022)

His soul can be forgiven, but his flesh needs to be destroyed by the civil magistrate in the utmost manner. He needs to die.

You bear gross sin yourself if you do not report.

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## Beoga (Feb 27, 2022)

In this instance of a sign of repentance would be this man turning himself in to the civil magistrates and accepting the just punishment for his wicked actions.

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## PuritanCovenanter (Feb 27, 2022)

I would remind ourselves that we are all sinful. I am in agreement with what Andrew and Grant said but we need to remember who God is and who we are. Just remember that please.

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## PuritanCovenanter (Feb 28, 2022)

Beoga said:


> In this instance of a sign of repentance would be this man turning himself in to the civil magistrates and accepting the just punishment for his wicked actions.


I am not so sure how to respond to this. I am not sure King David did this. Sure he repented after Nathan confronted him but his retribution for his wickedness came from God in the death of Absalom. This might be an insightful discussion as long as emotion is left out of it. I admit that that will be hard to do. Especially since a young victim is to be considered here. But it will be needful if we are going to have a discussion. 

The woman caught in Adultery is another place to look at when we consider this issue as we hopefully examine our attitudes. Just my humble opinion

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## mickey9475 (Feb 28, 2022)

Thank you all so much, your advice is very helpful. 



Romans922 said:


> You have a duty in the CHURCH, and also a duty to the CIVIL MAGISTRATE. I'm not sure of N. Ireland laws. But often here in the USA, Pastors have to report such abuse, doctors too. Some places all people have to report it if they become aware of it. And the Lord has given the sword to the magistrate for a reason (to the physical keeping of the 6th commandment and 7th commandment). "Due to the fact that they live in a country where a prison sentence for a child molester is effectively a death sentence the family have not reported him, but have rather cut off all ties." All the more the sword (magistrate) should have kept him from it, but it did not. This and punishments should not keep us from going to the magistrate. Sin has consequences my friend, and we are not the determiners of who truly repents or not, nor is that the magistrate's duty to determine. They have civil laws, in this case, very much aligned with God's law and violators of the 7th commandment. And punishments for it. They are there for a reason...



The ecclesiastical and civil argument is particularly helpful, thanks. The psychologist attempted to report him, however the child's mother found out and got her lawyer and the stepfather's lawyer involved to stop it being brought to the authorities, which though it may sound crazy is doable in Africa. The mother claims she did this to protect her daughter from what she believed would be an invasive search by doctors to determine to what extent she was abused, which she believes would cause even more trauma. The question now is whether the extended family should go ahead and report him.



Smeagol said:


> The fact that the abuser does not want to be reported and face their judgment is likely a sign of half-hearted or false repentance. If the Elders believe the repentance is genuine, then yes treat the brother as being forgiven, but likely with behavioral restrictions to help the brother not stumble again. BUT, this in no way negates the duty owed of reporting the matter to the Civil Magistrate.



In summary: true repentance is accompanied by a willingness to pay the consequences. This reminds me of how upon rebirth Zacchaeus paid back more than he stole, and did so joyfully without coercion.



PuritanCovenanter said:


> I am not so sure how to respond to this. I am not sure King David did this. Sure he repented after Nathan confronted him but his retribution for his wickedness came from God in the death of Absalom. This might be an insightful discussion as long as emotion is left out of it. I admit that that will be hard to do. Especially since a young victim is to be considered here. But it will be needful if we are going to have a discussion.
> 
> The woman caught in Adultery is another place to look at when we consider this issue as we hopefully examine our attitudes. Just my humble opinion



The account of the repentant prostitute does get me thinking, although Christ knew her heart in a way we can't with fellow men. Another NT passage that highlights just how especially wicked sin against a child is:

*Matthew *18:6 ESV
_but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea._

I think this is applicable in this case as the little girl seems to have been groomed to the point of being confused as to why she no longer sees her stepdad, thinking that what he was doing to her was acceptable, meaning he has really messed with her little mind.



Pergamum said:


> His soul can be forgiven, but his flesh needs to be destroyed by the civil magistrate in the utmost manner. He needs to die.
> 
> You bear gross sin yourself if you do not report.



In this particular country in Africa the average criminal doesn't last long in prison nevermind the likes of child molesters, so reporting him is effectively handing him a death sentence. I do believe I would be complicit if he ever committed any other offences and as such know he must be reported, even without the strong biblical arguments presented in support of reporting him.



Beoga said:


> In this instance of a sign of repentance would be this man turning himself in to the civil magistrates and accepting the just punishment for his wicked actions.



I agree, however the stepfather seems to think that if he's forgiven then his sins are paid for in full and their associated consequences are no more if the rest of the family will just forgive him and move on. He is actually using this line of argument with relatives in what appears to be a degree of reverse guilt tripping, as if to say they aren't loving if they don't forgive and forget. From my limited perspective it appears he is remorseful more than repentant, and cherry picks verses to defend his position, which smacks of manipulation.

Should any more Bible passages come to mind it would be very much appreciated. Many thanks!


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## RobertPGH1981 (Feb 28, 2022)

All members of our church had to take training on this at my church recently due to our involvement with youth. It is mandatory to report to the CIVIL authorities in Pennsylvania. I believe that is true accross the entire United States. Most likely governed by local law where you reside.

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## Beoga (Mar 1, 2022)

PuritanCovenanter said:


> I am not so sure how to respond to this. I am not sure King David did this. Sure he repented after Nathan confronted him but his retribution for his wickedness came from God in the death of Absalom. This might be an insightful discussion as long as emotion is left out of it. I admit that that will be hard to do. Especially since a young victim is to be considered here. But it will be needful if we are going to have a discussion.
> 
> The woman caught in Adultery is another place to look at when we consider this issue as we hopefully examine our attitudes. Just my humble opinion



Hi,

If you are unsure how to respond to my comment, I am hoping you would be willing to explain the purpose of your comments? I thought your first comment was a helpful reminder that we all would stand condemned before the judgment Seat if it weren’t for the work of Christ. But your second comment leaves me feeling that you are jumping in to defend the violator at the expense of the 6 year old girl that was horrifically violated. I am also unsure if, in a topic like this, emotion ought to be left out. Our response ought to be guided by Scripture, but if there is not justified anger over what happened, are we truly being influenced by Scripture?

Can one be truly repented, or show signs of repentance, without being willing to face the consequences of their crimes and seeking to make restitution? If this same man stole $10,000, was caught, was repentant, but was unwilling to restore the $10,000, would you say he is repentant? Would you come to his defense and say he is repentant, like David, like the woman caught in adultery, and say that no restoring of the money stolen is necessary? Why are sexual crimes treated any differently? 

This man violated this little girl and the only restitution he can make is the forfeiture of his own life (Deuteronomy 22:25-27). Even Paul says that if he is guilty of something deserving of death he does not object to dying (Acts 25:11). The church has an obligation to present this man with the just wrath of God over his sin along with the forgiveness of sins that can only be found in Christ Jesus. He ought to flee from the wrath of God and find shelter in our great Savior and if he does I look forward to worshipping with him in glory. Yet the church also must recognize that the state has been given the sword, and though the state may abuse that sword at times (or even neglect it), she still has an obligation to wield it.

I am also playing the statistics game that this not his first offense nor will it be his last. 

David may not have forfeited his life, but restitution was made in the death of his sons. The woman caught in adultery, while guilty herself, was caught in an act of injustice. If this was a just trial, the man would have be there with her. In that moment Jesus was responding to the wickedness of the religious leaders (and in that way upholding justice, even if a guilty woman went free).

I hope to hear from you as I have respected and learned from so many things you have said on this board. I am left a little baffled by your response, but do admit that it could be because of the emotions you warned against.

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## retroGRAD3 (Mar 1, 2022)

mickey9475 said:


> In this particular country in Africa the average criminal doesn't last long in prison nevermind the likes of child molesters, so reporting him is effectively handing him a death sentence. I do believe I would be complicit if he ever committed any other offences and as such know he must be reported, even without the strong biblical arguments presented in support of reporting him.


You are complicit now. You can try and ignore the elephant in the room, but what this man did was horrible and you are effectively helping him keep a secret. You are asking for proof texts, but that is not how you bible. You take scripture as a whole. God is Holy, God is Just, God hates sin. What this man did is sin of the most horrible kind (you yourself posted the verse about the millstone). Justice demands he pays restitution for it (which may be death). Jesus told us we may have to lose our life for him when doing what is right. It sounds like for this man, his life is too precious to him still. He may be forgiven eternally, but that does not get you out of earthly penalties. You reap what you sow. Also, you say your friend has concerns that this man may molest other children in the future still. That does not sound like someone she is convinced has actually repented. Also, the fact that the rest of the family is fine completely cutting him off would further evidence they are not convinced. It could be this man just wants additional opportunities to prey on children which is why he wants back in to the family.



mickey9475 said:


> I agree, however the stepfather seems to think that if he's forgiven then his sins are paid for in full and their associated consequences are no more if the rest of the family will just forgive him and move on. He is actually using this line of argument with relatives in what appears to be a degree of reverse guilt tripping, as if to say they aren't loving if they don't forgive and forget. From my limited perspective it appears he is remorseful more than repentant, and cherry picks verses to defend his position, which smacks of manipulation.


The stepfather does not get to decide if he has repented or his sins are forgiven, God does. And below that, this would be a decision for pastors and elders involving examination. This almost sounds to me as he has just decided, "well, I said I am sorry, so now you all need to accept me again". The fact he does not want to face any type of civil penalty speaks VOLUMES!!!! Here is scripture for you: remember the story of Zacchaeus? When he was convicted of his sin, he repented. On his own, he paid back all those he had wronged by giving them what he has taken plus much more that he was required to by law. Jesus did not command him to do that either, he experienced godly sorrow and true repentance (*2 Corinthians 7:10–11: For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter*).

The above verse can be your proof text. Has this man shown sorrow as the verse prescribes? If not, then he has not repented. Also, is this man even a Christian, does he even go to a church? If not, then he did not repent as the verse above states true repentance should look like. If he does profess Christ, then this is surely an issue he should be bringing up with his pastor and elders and they should be part of the decision as well. They would be the ones to rightly disciple or restore him based on examination.

It seems the reality is though, that you all already know what the outcome will be if you report it and so you aren't (currently). You understand the consequences that are going to come upon him, so you hesitate. We have all been here. Most of us know what the result of our sin will be even before we do it (getting drunk, committing adultery, etc). Our first instance is always to try and hide it. Take adultery as another example, we tell ourselves, I don't want to hurt my wife and that's why I won't tell her. The truth is, we don't want to get in trouble and get a divorce. At the end of the day, the hiding of sin is always self preservation in my estimation, it is never to benefit the wronged party. In the case of this child, how it is going to look when this monster who hurt her gets away with what he did with NO PENALTY. She didn't get that, she is now scarred the rest of her life. She may never be able to have a normal relationship with a man in her life. She may turn to drugs, alcohol, and many other forms of debauchery. Those of course will be her decisions and sins, but the chain will likely be started by what happens now.

Do the right thing and turn this man in. At the very least do this in relation to the pastor and elders at his church. If this man in not a Christian, then again, he has not repented. Only turning to Christ grants true repentance. If not a Christian, then to the authorities. Protect the children. Here is some more verses:

*Proverbs 31:8: *Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.
*Psalm 82:3:* Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.

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## PuritanCovenanter (Mar 1, 2022)

Beoga said:


> I am hoping you would be willing to explain the purpose of your comments?


Just caution and an attitude check. The second post was to lend some weight to the fact that we need to be careful how we approach this situation with the proper gravity while examining our hearts. We truly do not understand Depravity, Mercy and Grace in my estimation. Believe me, I am no antinomian when it comes to the Law and General Equity. Especially when I view it from the side of the victim. The child has been violated by a breaking of the whole decalogue. Death is called for. It should have been called for concerning King David and Joab. I just think judging repentance from our side is a bit more difficult than we can see. We need to be careful and not neglect that the Church is the place where Sinners find life and a place to live, grow and prosper in grace. And I don't believe in some cheap grace. The Charis I believe in works. Knowing God by His Majestic Grace

Concerning discussing emotion, we need to be careful to rule our lives with gusto but with a well tempered balance that rules properly and not based upon pure self felt emotion. If we don't we are the guys standing around in a circle picking up stones to cast. The harlot was guilty despite your conclusion. Death is the penalty called for. I am not pleading for mercy on this guys behalf. In the USA he should be in jail already. I think that should be true for everywhere. 

I have a question. Last time you purposefully broke the speed limit did you run to the local Police Station with a confession? Maybe it is too small of a sin. It is a lawful order.

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## Taylor (Mar 1, 2022)

PuritanCovenanter said:


> I have a question. Last time you purposefully broke the speed limit did you run to the local Police Station with a confession? Maybe it is too small of a sin. It is a lawful order.


I think we can agree that sexually violating a small child and breaking the speed limit are not crimes different in degree, but rather in kind. There is no parallel.

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## retroGRAD3 (Mar 1, 2022)

Taylor said:


> I think we can agree that sexually violating a small child and breaking the speed limit are not crimes different in degree, but rather in kind. There is no parallel.


They also carry very different penalties and consequences.


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## RamistThomist (Mar 2, 2022)

Some sins in themselves and by reason of their several aggravations are more heinous in the sight of God than others. That's why the speeding parallel doesn't work.

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## jwright82 (Mar 2, 2022)

This man isn't gonna stop. To turn him in is the most merciful thing you can do for accused and more importantly victim. No study im aware of ever says they stop. I've studied criminal profiling and they don't stop. Its sad but its the truth. These are crimes against a child that needs to see that God is just in her situation. I have a daughter so I would protect her.

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## RobertPGH1981 (Mar 2, 2022)

There are many sins that when you would turn somebody over to the authorities regardless of their repentance. This is a grievous sin and must include church discipline/excommunication & civil punishments as a matter of justice. *This is a reg flag to me....*

"The abuser .... *hoping that the extended family who are all believers will welcome him back without him having to face any consequences whatsoever*."

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## PuritanCovenanter (Mar 2, 2022)

Taylor said:


> I think we can agree that sexually violating a small child and breaking the speed limit are not crimes different in degree, but rather in kind. There is no parallel.


You missed the point. This was in reference to true repentance and what it looked like. The point was about response to sin and repentance for crime. We need to be careful how we discern what repentance looks like. Sometimes God will gradually bring us to it. Yes, I know the crimes are apples and oranges. That is why i noted the disparity by the size of the sin needed to be repented of. Appreciate ya Taylor.

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## Taylor (Mar 2, 2022)

PuritanCovenanter said:


> You missed the point. This was in reference to true repentance and what it looked like. The point was about response to sin and repentance for crime. Yes, I know the crimes are apples and oranges. That is why i noted the disparity by the size of the sin needed to be repented of. Appreciate ya Taylor.


Ah! My misunderstanding then, brother. Thank you for clarifying. Carry on!

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## PuritanCovenanter (Mar 2, 2022)

RobertPGH1981 said:


> "The abuser .... *hoping that the extended family who are all believers will welcome him back without him having to face any consequences whatsoever*."


That is not the action anyone is hoping for here. He needs to be turned over to the magistrate. If found guilty at trial he should have consequences.

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