# Courtship Vs. Dating- Part 1



## JOwen (May 8, 2007)

Courtship Vs. Dating. My musings as a father and pastor.


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## jenney (May 8, 2007)

We knew before we had children that we wanted them to follow a courtship model. Now, with six daughters, I want that for them more than ever. Fortunately, we've only been in churches where the vast majority of families follow that same model, and our girls think of it as the natural expectation now.

I appreciate your article and look forward to the next installment!


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## KMK (May 8, 2007)

JOwen said:


> Courtship Vs. Dating. My musings as a father and pastor.



Looking forward to the continuation. Can you let us know when you post the rest?

Also, can you give us your scripture references that defend your position that the father is the spiritual head and all relationships should go through him? It is not that I disagree, it is that I am always looking for ways to encourage parents toward courtship through the Bible.


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## Chris (May 8, 2007)

Thanks for posting this. I, too, would like to see Scriptural support for this, for the same reasons as KMK.


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## RamistThomist (May 8, 2007)

Or you can just add "covenant" in front of dating and call it "covenantal dating" and that justifies, because "covenant" makes anything cool.


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## InChains620 (May 8, 2007)

*thanks*

that is a helpful post I appreciate that. It really is significant to all in the reformed and unreformed circle especially me since I am a new christian and 16 years old. Thanks for your thoughts- they are helpful.


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## JOwen (May 8, 2007)

KMK said:


> Looking forward to the continuation. Can you let us know when you post the rest?
> 
> Also, can you give us your scripture references that defend your position that the father is the spiritual head and all relationships should go through him? It is not that I disagree, it is that I am always looking for ways to encourage parents toward courtship through the Bible.



I'll let you know as the posts go up, absolutely.
I see what you are saying regarding scriptural references and headship. I will keep this in mind as I develop the rest of the series.


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## JOwen (May 8, 2007)

InChains620 said:


> that is a helpful post I appreciate that. It really is significant to all in the reformed and unreformed circle especially me since I am a new christian and 16 years old. Thanks for your thoughts- they are helpful.



I'm glad you find this helpful. I'll be interested in your thoughts when I get to the part about young men and courtship.

Blessings,


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## kvanlaan (May 8, 2007)

I was reading it last night and left it up for my wife to read this morning. We both really enjoyed it. Now sir, you are bound to put up part II in short order. We're waiting........


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## KMK (May 8, 2007)

Draught Horse said:


> Or you can just add "covenant" in front of dating and call it "covenantal dating" and that justifies, because "covenant" makes anything cool.



 I just laughed so hard I spit on my laptop! You just made my day!


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## SRoper (May 9, 2007)

I'm not sure it's helpful or accurate to present courtship and dating as two different things. It seems like a much more proper use of the words to say that dating is a novel type of courtship.

I find it inconsitent (at least without clarification) to say that dating only came about in the 20th century and at the same time identify couple oriented dances as a mark of dating. Couple oriented dances have been around for centuries. However, they seem to have involved the whole community (or at least a whole social strata) in times past. I think it is best to stick with the lack of accountability to parents in your criticism of dating.


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## BJClark (May 9, 2007)

> Also, can you give us your scripture references that defend your position that the father is the spiritual head and all relationships should go through him? It is not that I disagree, it is that I am always looking for ways to encourage parents toward courtship through the Bible.



Wouldn't the verse "as iron sharpens Iron" apply? 

If a father is head of the family, and one of his role's in his daughter's life is to protect her, then he would be required to help sharpen and hold accountable ANY young man who desires to date/court her, lest he would be failing to protect her.


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## AV1611 (May 9, 2007)

Good article!  



Draught Horse said:


> because "covenant" makes anything cool.


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## Covenant Joel (Jun 23, 2007)

It seems that your post criticizes forms of dating that forget completely about parental involvement, purity, godliness, wisdom, etc. But it seems to completely deny that dating can ever be done with those things. That seems to me to be a little bit strong. I have seen courtships with just as many problems, even when the guy went to the dad first. Not that I disagree with all of your post. There is much there that I as a young guy need to take to heart. But coming from a family that was very much opposed to dating and in favor of courtship until my parents determined that strict courtship was not always livable, I have difficulty with statements that seem to suggest that dating has singlehandedly taken down the American church. Obviously ungodly dating has many negative effects, but dating within the context of parental involvement and biblical principles does not seem to me to be all bad.


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## Beoga (Jun 23, 2007)

I just recently finished (today) Doug Wilson's book Her Hand in Marriage . I thought it was a good explanations on what courting is and it was probably the best book on dating that I have read (probably because it was the only book on courting that I have read). I am beginning to think that courting is the way to go.

*Note, in no way in endorsing this book am I endorsing Wilson's FV theology, just his thoughts on courting I agree with.


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## KMK (Jun 24, 2007)

Beoga said:


> I just recently finished (today) Doug Wilson's book Her Hand in Marriage . I thought it was a good explanations on what courting is and it was probably the best book on dating that I have read (probably because it was the only book on courting that I have read). I am beginning to think that courting is the way to go.
> 
> *Note, in no way in endorsing this book am I endorsing Wilson's FV theology, just his thoughts on courting I agree with.



 His book Fidelity is also excellent. It is a no-holds-barred look at sexual purity and sin.


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