# Wedding on the Lord's Day



## nickipicki123 (Jul 31, 2019)

What would you do if your sibling had their wedding on the Lord's Day? Would you attend?
(This is hypothetical and hasn't happened for me. My siblings are not near getting married!)


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## Tom Hart (Jul 31, 2019)

The Directory for the Public Worship of God recommends against weddings on the Lord's Day as they might tend to distract from the focus of the day. They don't have to, however.

If my brother or sister were about to have a wedding on the Lord's Day, I would probably attend. But I wouldn't skip church for it, and if there was a catered reception, I would pass. I would certainly explain my reasons in advance.

Reactions: Like 3


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## Ryan&Amber2013 (Jul 31, 2019)

nickipicki123 said:


> What would you do if your sibling had their wedding on the Lord's Day? Would you attend?
> (This is hypothetical and hasn't happened for me. My siblings are not near getting married!)


What Tom said.


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## Reformed Covenanter (Jul 31, 2019)

I heard once that Herman Hoeksema got married at the close of a Sabbath evening service. Is there any truth to that story?


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## Scott Bushey (Jul 31, 2019)

I was married on the Lord's day. If I had to do it over, I would not.


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## Alan D. Strange (Jul 31, 2019)

Reformed Covenanter said:


> I heard once that Herman Hoeksema got married at the close of a Sabbath evening service. Is there any truth to that story?



Yes, there is a totally different history to this in the continental (particularly the Dutch) tradition. Many were married with a simple exchange of vows following the benediction at the AM or PM service. Cornelius Van Til was.

There would be a short wedding exhortation, followed by coffee and cake or other refreshments (often lunch, which in the Dutch tradition means any light repast) as would customarily follow Sunday services.

I am unaware of anything comparable in view when folk today say that they are going to have their wedding on Sunday. Even if you think that the Dutch practice as I described it was inappropriate on the Lord's Day, what is proposed these days is a far sight from that, customarily being a full-blown modern wedding.

Peace,
Alan

Reactions: Like 5 | Informative 5


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## Afterthought (Jul 31, 2019)

Alan D. Strange said:


> I am unaware of anything comparable in view when folk today say that they are going to have their wedding on Sunday. Even if you think that the Dutch practice as I described it was inappropriate on the Lord's Day, what is proposed these days is a far sight from that, customarily being a full-blown modern wedding.


I agree with this nuance. I definitely would not view the Dutch practice as ideal, but it would be hard for me to condemn it as clearly unlawful (unlike the full-blown modern wedding).

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## C. M. Sheffield (Jul 31, 2019)

Alan D. Strange said:


> Yes, there is a totally different history to this in the continental (particularly the Dutch) tradition. Many were married with a simple exchange of vows following the benediction at the AM or PM service. Cornelius Van Til was.
> 
> There would be a short wedding exhortation, followed by coffee and cake or other refreshments (often lunch, which in the Dutch tradition means any light repast) as would customarily follow Sunday services.



I had heard someone tell of this practice before but it was said to be of puritan origins. I looked into it and could find no example or mention of it among the puritans. I'm grateful to learn the true origin of the practice.

I, for one, would hardly object to performing weddings like this. It would remove so much of the worldliness and unnecessary waste commonplace in American weddings. Though I doubt many brides would be willing to go along with it.

Picture it — The minister might take the sermon time to preach a full sermon upon Christian marriage — something that rarely happens in Christian weddings.— Then the benediction being given, The minister calls upon the bride and groom to stand in their respective places. He administers the vows — "_do you_ and _do you_." A prayer is offered for God's blessing upon the marriage. — All are dismissed for a meal in the fellowship hall. Done.

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## py3ak (Aug 1, 2019)

My wedding was on a Lord's Day evening, after the service. There was a brief pause for seating the few who arrived only after the service, and then a simple ceremony. I didn't know that there were Dutch antecedents to handling things that way, and it might have been good if we had simplified even more than we did.

Reactions: Informative 1


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## nickipicki123 (Aug 1, 2019)

C. M. Sheffield said:


> I had heard someone tell of this practice before but it was said to be of puritan origins. I looked into it and could find no example or mention of it among the puritans. I'm grateful to learn the true origin of the practice.
> 
> I, for one, would hardly object to performing weddings like this. It would remove so much of the worldliness and necessary waste commonplace in American weddings. Though I doubt many brides would be willing to go along with it.
> 
> Picture it — The minister might take the sermon time to preach a full sermon upon Christian marriage — something that rarely happens in Christian weddings.— Then the benediction being given, The minister calls upon the bride and groom to stand in their respective places. He administers the vows — "_do you_ and _do you_." A prayer is offered for God's blessing upon the marriage. — All are dismissed for a meal in the fellowship hall. Done.


I don't think that I would object to the simplicity, but I think I would like to have some kind of celebration. I've been to simple weddings in the past, and those were very nice. I wouldn't do the wedding or the celebration on the Lord's Day, though.


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## NaphtaliPress (Aug 1, 2019)

Here are some older discussions on the same topic or at least it informs or the same subject has come into the discussion.
https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/wedding-on-the-sabbath.21456/
https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/wedding-on-the-sabbath.5383/
https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/wedding-ceremonies.51603/
https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/wcf-21-5-and-22-is-a-wedding-a-worship-service.37457/
https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/odd-question-about-marriage-on-the-sabbath.67358/
https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/communion-in-weddings.15462/
https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/marriage-as-religious-but-also-civil-ordinance.87503/
https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/minister-officiating-at-wedding-cerermonies.4504/


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## De Jager (Aug 1, 2019)

I had a friend get married on the Lord's Day last year and I felt extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing. He is not a Christian, and the wedding was your typical full-blown americanized wedding that you see in the magazines. There were many people working on that day in order for everything to happen. I stayed for the ceremony but left before the reception. I will never attend another Sunday wedding after that experience.


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## nickipicki123 (Aug 1, 2019)

NaphtaliPress said:


> Here are some older discussions on the same topic or at least it informs or the same subject has come into the discussion.
> https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/wedding-on-the-sabbath.21456/
> https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/wedding-on-the-sabbath.5383/
> https://www.puritanboard.com/threads/wedding-ceremonies.51603/
> ...


Thank you!


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## bookslover (Aug 1, 2019)

I agree with the Dutch practice, as described above. Seeing that marriage is directly ordained by God, and a creation ordinance at that, one would think that the Lord's Day would, in fact, be the most appropriate day of the week to get married on.

Reactions: Like 1


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## User20004000 (Aug 1, 2019)

nickipicki123 said:


> What would you do if your sibling had their wedding on the Lord's Day? Would you attend?
> (This is hypothetical and hasn't happened for me. My siblings are not near getting married!)



I wouldn’t go.


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## RamistThomist (Aug 1, 2019)

I don't have any strong opinion one way or another, but it would spare the $20,000 expense which is common in America.


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## User20004000 (Aug 1, 2019)

BayouHuguenot said:


> I don't have any strong opinion one way or another, but it would spare the $20,000 expense which is common in America.



I went to one from my church last year and I don’t think 20K paid for the two hour reception that took place _before_ the real reception. No exaggeration. Never saw anything quite like it.

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## Edward (Aug 1, 2019)

BayouHuguenot said:


> I don't have any strong opinion one way or another, but it would spare the $20,000 expense which is common in America.



Number sounds low to me. I saw one web site that said the average was $35k. And I knew a guy that was going over $100k for his only child's wedding - roughly his annual salary at the time. The invitation was impressive. And one large weddingI did go to must have been about $100 a person for the reception.

Reactions: Like 1 | Sad 1


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## Reformed Covenanter (Aug 1, 2019)

The wedding at Cana was a pretty big deal, so I am not against weddings being something more than a very quiet affair. Conversely, the amount of money being spent on them here in the UK is totally insane. You could buy a couple of very good cars for the price of the wedding. Also, I think it is fair to say that the expense involved in modern weddings is feeding into the "undue delay of marriage", which is condemned by the Westminster Standards, as people are saving up for years to pay for their big day.

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## puritanpilgrim (Aug 3, 2019)

We had one on the Lord's Day out of necessity, but the service was done in a regulative way. The 1689 allows for lawful oaths and vows, therefore we permitted it. But, it was basically a full church service (singing, prayer, scripture reading, and preaching) with a portion devoted to the bride and groom making their wedding vows. The bride and groom were happy because they didn't have to pay anything since we just added additional service in the afternoon after the normal Sunday fellowship meal, but the extended family was very much unhappy with the service. That is not what they expected. I don't think we would do that again unless it was an absolute necessity. It was a very long day.


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## Brian Withnell (Aug 3, 2019)

puritanpilgrim said:


> We had one on the Lord's Day out of necessity, but the service was done in a regulative way. The 1689 allows for lawful oaths and vows, therefore we permitted it. But, it was basically a full church service (singing, prayer, scripture reading, and preaching) with a portion devoted to the bride and groom making their wedding vows. The bride and groom were happy because they didn't have to pay anything since we just added additional service in the afternoon after the normal Sunday fellowship meal, but the extended family was very much unhappy with the service. That is not what they expected. I don't think we would do that again unless it was an absolute necessity. It was a very long day.



Personally, I think of a wedding as a service of worship. Do we have to have all services of worship on the sabbath? No, I would not say it is required to be on the Lord's day. But neither would I say it is improper to have on the Lord's day. (Kind of a different twist ... the question might ought to be phrased if a Christian couple has their wedding NOT on the Lord's day, should you attend!)


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## Romans922 (Aug 3, 2019)

No, I would not attend. Besides the theological issues involving the 4th commandment in which we must obey God rather than men, I’m a Pastor and I have a calling to be faithful to. As well as, my sibling would have already known the ramifications if they held it on the Lord’s day that I would not be attending.

Something someone else brought up: people would be working on the Lord’s day for them to be married, which would be neither of necessity or mercy.


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## Edward (Aug 4, 2019)

Brian Withnell said:


> Personally, I think of a wedding as a service of worship.



That's contrary to what my understanding has always been. If it is a worship service, then communion would be appropriate, and again, that is contrary to my understanding of the Presbyterian view.


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## Brian Withnell (Aug 4, 2019)

Edward said:


> That's contrary to what my understanding has always been. If it is a worship service, then communion would be appropriate, and again, that is contrary to my understanding of the Presbyterian view.


Well, you would not have a private communion ... you would have to have everyone in the church there. It would have to be announced that it was going to be a communion service. I understand some churches celebrate the Lord's table every week, but I remember one church (first PCA church I was a member at) celebrated the supper once a quarter. But it would seem that given that vows are a prescribed element of worship, I can't see any reason a wedding couldn't be performed at a communion service. There certainly could be use of scriptures that point to the church being the bride of Christ. When Jean and I married, we had hymns, what was essentially a sermon, prayer ... everything was within the regulative principle on purpose.


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