# I laughed out loud at this e-mail I recieved



## ReformedWretch (Dec 14, 2005)

As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. 




Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.




Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. 




Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.




I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. 




I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.









I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.




I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. 






I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and or the latest p0rn service.




I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. 







I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. 




I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.




Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 




I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)




I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.




Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor! 




If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. 

Happy Holidays in Advance and Merry Christmas !


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## heartoflesh (Dec 14, 2005)

I didn't know that about the KFC chickens. Scary stuff.


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Dec 14, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Rick Larson_
> I didn't know that about the KFC chickens. Scary stuff.



I try to stay away from KFC myself. Not for that reason, but because according to a reliable source, Colonel Sanders was not only involved as part of a Pentaverate that controls every form of media in the world, and he also placed an addictive chemical in his chicken that causes one to crave it fortnightly.


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## alwaysreforming (Dec 14, 2005)

We have a "forward" Queen in our circles, so I sent this to her. Hilarious!


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## heartoflesh (Dec 14, 2005)

> _Originally posted by VirginiaHuguenot_
> 
> 
> > _Originally posted by Rick Larson_
> ...



Our family was watching a _Little House of the Prairie_ episode recently, which we have on DVD, awhere the Colonel makes a little cameo appearance at the end. Classic! (season 8 I believe)


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## daveb (Dec 14, 2005)

Great email! I think most of my forwards were covered in that one. 



> _Originally posted by VirginiaHuguenot_
> 
> I try to stay away from KFC myself. Not for that reason, but because according to a reliable source, Colonel Sanders was not only involved as part of a Pentaverate that controls every form of media in the world, and he also placed an addictive chemical in his chicken that causes one to crave it fortnightly.



Who's in this pentaverate? The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothchilds, *and* Colonel Sanders....Oh, I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face - "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken!" 



[Edited on 12-14-2005 by daveb]


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## bond-servant (Dec 14, 2005)

The funny thing is I've recieved all of those forwards..at least once this year!!

(or twice, or three times, or thinking about it four or....)


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## LadyFlynt (Dec 14, 2005)

That's hysterical...hubby is laughing. I've posted it on two other forums...apparently it is quickly making it's way around the net.

BTW, love that smilie, Beth!!!

[Edited on 12-14-2005 by LadyFlynt]


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## wsw201 (Dec 14, 2005)

These are pretty good Adam, but this one is TRUE!!




> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.


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## brymaes (Dec 14, 2005)

I've been sent this a couple of times.

Not to be a party pooper, but isn't it ironic that, for it's criticism of forwards, this message has become just another forward?


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