# Overbearing Fathers and Father in Laws



## Coram Deo (Sep 19, 2006)

I need some serious advice.. Here is the problem.. My Father in-law is majorly overbearing. He already considers us somewhat heretics since we accepted Covenantal Theology, The Moral Law with the Sabbath Law, The Plurality of Elders, and Post Tribulationalism. He has already greatly limited our contact with mom and the other children due to the above issues. Now he comes at us with let another problems that threatens to break all ties with the family.

I have some pretty serious ilnesses that confine me to the bed or to the restroom almost 5 days out of 7. I have Rheumatoid arthritis that causes such serious pain that not even percocet takes away the pain. My ankles are so bad off that they can not even perform surgery. There is not a day I am NOT in pain, but some days are worse then others. My doctor has written for permenant disablity for me. There is even Sundays that I am unable to make it even to church. On top of that I have Rheumatoid of the muscle system that attacks my stomach and sents me to the rest room constantly. My wife helps out by doing music lessons out of our own home so she can stay home, and I try to fix computers on less painful days when the business picks up and try to fix up our home so we can sell it and relocate to a more affordable location. We MEET all of our bills.
Now, yesterday I just received a letter from my father inlaw telling me that I am in the wrong and that I am worse then an infindel and that I should work even while I am ill. He wants an answer and threaten all contact. I should also say he does not believe in to be biblical for woman to work for ANY reason, and that he believes that even married children are to ALWAYS obey and submit to their father.
How should I respond to him and without angry..... My wife and I are very sadden, yet again with her father...

Any help and prayers are grateful..


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## BJClark (Sep 19, 2006)

thunaer,

Then allow him to choose no contact.

Yes, it hurts, but who is YOUR Lord, Your father in law or God?

And as far as Children obeying their parents even when they are married, that is covered in the LEAVING AND CLEAVING in the marriage
covenant. 

When he gave his daughter to you in marriage, it meant He gave up Authority he had over his daughter, and turned it over to You as her husband.

Once you marry your spouse comes first and foremost, NOT your parents and what they want. Your spouse is your partner, your helpmate, not your parents or your children.




> He wants an answer and threaten all contact. I should also say he does not believe in to be biblical for woman to work for ANY reason, and that he believes that even married children are to ALWAYS obey and submit to their father.
> How should I respond to him and without angry..... My wife and I are very sadden, yet again with her father...
> 
> Any help and prayers are grateful..


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## LadyFlynt (Sep 19, 2006)

1) He is wrong...the wife is to LEAVE her father and CLEAVE to her husband. He has NO rule over her.

2) The IDEAL is for the wife to be at home and raising children (if there are any). However, the cruel reality is that God doesn't always give us the ideal. He did give your wife someone to care for (you) and gave you someone to take care of you and love you unconditionally.

3) You ARE working from what you have said. You have a debilitating disease. Your FIL either lacks knowledge of the extreme of this (I doubt) or is simply using whatever he can to be critical and cutting toward you (most likely). You just aren't "the man he is" in his eyes (hubby has dealt with this with my s-dad...hubby had osteoarthritis that caused him to not make it through BT in the AF...my s-dad has never let him live it down that he was honest about his laps instead of lying about it). So even if you aren't working...there is apparently (to most of us) a VERY GOOD REASON. I could not imagine that pain.

4) The Infidel portion is out of context, I believe. It's not talking about those that cannot help their situation or cannot better it. It is talking of ppl not taking care of their family (extended family) that need help. Therefore, if your FIL wants to complain then he needs to look at himself. If he thinks you are lacking something, then maybe he should help provide it.

5) I wouldn't worry too much about a break in contact. It can be difficult...but once they go that far, it can be a relief to you. I know, I am in that situation. I have not heard from my mother or s-dad or their sons for 3 and a half yrs. I have been disowned. That rock rolled right off my back that night. My s-dad didn't even have the guts to do it himself...he had his sister call me. I almost started laughing right there on the phone! You have to let God deal with them and the other children. They may seek you out later.

[Edited on 9-19-2006 by LadyFlynt]


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## Coram Deo (Sep 19, 2006)

Thank you both for your answers. It has been extremely difficult to keep family ties. My wife has been so worried about the other siblings that are still at home because we know they are going through depression.. They are not allowed to have any friends and I like said little family contact. But I know contact will be severed very soon, and I need to leave it in God's hands.

Thank you all for your prayers..



> _Originally posted by LadyFlynt_
> 1) He is wrong...the wife is to LEAVE her father and CLEAVE to her husband. He has NO rule over her.
> 
> 2) The IDEAL is for the wife to be at home and raising children (if there are any). However, the cruel reality is that God doesn't always give us the ideal. He did give your wife someone to care for (you) and gave you someone to take care of you and love you unconditionally.
> ...


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Sep 19, 2006)

I can relate, brother. God bless!


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## turmeric (Sep 19, 2006)

This man is taking an untenable position, I'm not sure I believe his profession to be a real one. Please don't worry about losing contact with him, I'm sorry for the rest of his family who have to be in contact with him.

I edited what I said, not because I changed my mind but because it seemed like intemperate speech.

[Edited on 9-20-2006 by turmeric]


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