# Is a woman a 'helper' to her unmarried son?



## Tim (Aug 14, 2008)

Is a woman a 'helper' to her unmarried son, just as a man is the 'head' of his unmarried daughter?

If not, then it would appear that a woman has a spiritual head all of her life (first her father, then her husband), except if she is widowed, I think. 

But a man only has a helper if he is married.

One reason why the answer might be important is when discussing if there should be a delay between 'leaving' one's father and mother and 'cleaving' to one's wife. If his mother is his helper, then he would receive that benefit while remaining at home with his parents until he is married.


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## satz (Aug 14, 2008)

I don't believe there is any bible evidence that a woman is considered a helper - in the sense of the marriage relationship - to her son.

If anything, her son is in submission to her, so there is no relationship that exists between them that parrallels a husband-wife one.

I think a man who remains at home receives the normal benefits that come from family support, but not in the special 'helper' sense that he would receive in marriage.


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## Jimmy the Greek (Aug 14, 2008)

> Is a woman a 'helper' to her unmarried son, just as a man is the 'head' of his unmarried daughter?



To my knowledge, there is no biblical evidence for this idea. In fact, it sounds kinda perverted.


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## Kim G (Aug 14, 2008)

Gomarus said:


> > Is a woman a 'helper' to her unmarried son, just as a man is the 'head' of his unmarried daughter?
> 
> 
> 
> To my knowledge, there is no biblical evidence for this idea. In fact, it sounds kinda perverted.



 That was my first thought. 

My second thought, though, was different. If we believe this:

1. A husband = head of his wife
2. *A father = head of his unmarried daughter*

Then why don't we believe this:

1. A wife = helper to her husband
2. *A wife = helper to her unmarried son*

If number two is incorrect concerning the wife, why would we say it is correct concerning the husband?


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## toddpedlar (Aug 14, 2008)

Kim G said:


> Gomarus said:
> 
> 
> > > Is a woman a 'helper' to her unmarried son, just as a man is the 'head' of his unmarried daughter?
> ...



First your two constructions aren't parallel, so they can't be compared in that way. Second, and more specifically, the argument is flawed because the Bible teaches that the man is head of the _whole_ household, whereas the Bible never teaces that the woman is helper to the _whole_ household, but _only_ to her husband.


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## TimV (Aug 14, 2008)

I think because a helper is a subservient role. Adam had a job, to name animals etc..and God provided him someone to make his task more efficient and pleasant. With a man's mom she has parental authority until the son marries, so the role can't be subservient. From Numbers 30 we know that a divorced or widowed woman is a head of household, so even in that case she would have a superior role to the son until he got married.


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## Semper Fidelis (Aug 14, 2008)

A _wife_ is a helpmeet for her _own_ husband. Women are not helpmeets to men in general but wives to husbands. Were this not the case then women would be required to submit to every man but, as it is, they are required to submit to _their own_ husbands.


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## Jimmy the Greek (Aug 14, 2008)

I'm prejudiced in this. I have observed some mother's who act as "helpers" to their sons instead of parents. I have seen some mothers practically "worship" their sons and love them in a way that is unhealthy. The effect can be to functionally enable (if not foster) ungodly traits in the son.


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## Kim G (Aug 14, 2008)

Semper Fidelis said:


> A _wife_ is a helpmeet for her _own_ husband. Women are not helpmeets to men in general but wives to husbands. Were this not the case then women would be required to submit to every man but, as it is, they are required to submit to _their own_ husbands.



I agree.

But is the husband the head of his *own *wife or the head of women in general? And if not the head of women in general, *why should we say he is the head of his daughter?* I'm not trying to be stubborn--I really want to know. 

I know the Bible says the husband should rule his household, but is that the same as saying he is his unmarried daughter's head? (Scripture verses anyone?)


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## Tim (Aug 14, 2008)

And is a male always his own spiritual head?


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## Semper Fidelis (Aug 14, 2008)

Kim G said:


> Semper Fidelis said:
> 
> 
> > A _wife_ is a helpmeet for her _own_ husband. Women are not helpmeets to men in general but wives to husbands. Were this not the case then women would be required to submit to every man but, as it is, they are required to submit to _their own_ husbands.
> ...



A man is the head of his household and any daughters therein. If a woman is the head of a household then she would be the spiritual head of the daughters and sons therein. Headship is not merely a male thing in all circumstances. We need to recognize that the issue between men and women is between husbands and wives and not men and women in general. Within the Church, women are excluded from roles of spiritual headship in this sphere of authority but it doesn't exclude them from being heads of males in their own household (as Proverbs 31 indicates).


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## toddpedlar (Aug 14, 2008)

Tim said:


> And is a male always his own spiritual head?



Males in the home (children) are under their parents. Males out of the home (adults) are under Christ. Nobody is their own spiritual head.


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## VictorBravo (Aug 14, 2008)

I'd add that the term "helpmeet" looks to be a conflation of the phrase in Genesis 2:18: "I will make him an help meet for him."

As in a help "proper" or "suitable" for him.

Mom doesn't meet that definition at all.


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Aug 14, 2008)

victorbravo said:


> I'd add that the term "helpmeet" looks to be a conflation of the phrase in Genesis 2:18: "I will make him an help meet for him."
> 
> As in a help "proper" or "suitable" for him.
> 
> Mom doesn't meet that definition at all.



For more on the origin of that term, see here:

Puritan Quotes on Marriage


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## Semper Fidelis (Aug 14, 2008)

victorbravo said:


> I'd add that the term "helpmeet" looks to be a conflation of the phrase in Genesis 2:18: "I will make him an help meet for him."
> 
> As in a help "proper" or "suitable" for him.
> 
> Mom doesn't meet that definition at all.



Exactly.


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## Semper Fidelis (Aug 14, 2008)

I think the problem here stems from the idea that head of household and husband are being conflated as the same structure and that the relationship to the head to every member is the same. It is helpful to think of the idea that man is given a command by God toward a spiritual end in his home and his own wife is given as a helpmeet to him to fulfill the task so that man and wife, together, are involved in the task with the man the head of the woman and the woman helping him. Together, however, they are called by the man's name. It is improper to think of a son in this role because it implies that the mother and child are united where her union with her own husband gives her authority over the household with him - to include children and any servants therein.


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Aug 14, 2008)

John Howe, _Family Religion and Worship, Sermon 5_:



> Nothing is plainer than that while the conjugal relatives remain, the female relation hath a real part in the government of the family. That is plainly enough asserted in 1 Timothy 5:14: that it is the woman's part to "guide the house." The word is oikodespotein, to have a despotical1 power in the family, a governing power, which must be solely in her in the absence or failure of the other relative; and that must by no means be abandoned or quitted. And whereas all power and all order is from God, it cannot be denied or disowned or laid aside without an injury to Him.
> 
> 1 despotical literally from the GK, to command and give leadership to a household, to manage a home.


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## Semper Fidelis (Aug 14, 2008)

VirginiaHuguenot said:


> John Howe, _Family Religion and Worship, Sermon 5_:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



 If I hadn't expended my Thanks for the day I would thank you.


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Aug 14, 2008)

Semper Fidelis said:


> VirginiaHuguenot said:
> 
> 
> > John Howe, _Family Religion and Worship, Sermon 5_:
> ...



No prob! You're very welcome!


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## Iconoclast (Aug 14, 2008)

18And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 

If Mom fit the bill, it would be okay for man to be alone.Clearly Marraige is purposed to satisfy the problem of this condition apart from God gracing someone to be ,or remain in the single state.


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