# Who should they leave their kids with?



## Puritan Sailor (Feb 22, 2004)

I was wondering, what you all thought about this scenario. 

A reformed couple has a few kids and they must make out a will to decide who they shall leave there children with if they should both die for some reason. Obviously they would want the best for their children both physically and spiritually. But in this scenario, there are no extended family members who are reformed. So, this family must make a tough decision. 

1) Leave the kids with close friends who are reformed yet don't know the extended family. 
2) Leave the kids with close professing Christian (arminian/charasmatic) extended family members.
3) Leave the kids with close and moral yet unbelieving extended family members. 

We shall assume for discussion that all the options are good and upstanding members of society with no serious outward character flaws, other than their differences in faith and it's application.

Who would you decide, and why?

[Edited on 2-22-2004 by puritansailor]


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## twogunfighter (Feb 23, 2004)

If I had friends that were close enough to leave the kids with I would choose option 1. Followed by 2 then 3.


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## ChristianasJourney (Feb 24, 2004)

I choose #2.

in my opinion the family relationship is one of the most important relationships that [i:b57909e1dc]God[/i:b57909e1dc] has designed...I would be very cautious about usurping that relationship for a something of my own choosing.

I would want a caretaker (arminian or reformed) that would most importantly instill in my children a love for God and a desire to seek after Him. While I think that there are errors in their doctrine, if my children are seeking after the Lord, then I'll trust God to show them the errors in their thinking--no doubt, much like He has done for most of us.


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## Puritan Sailor (Feb 24, 2004)

[quote:85b7cea7bb][i:85b7cea7bb]Originally posted by ChristianasJourney[/i:85b7cea7bb]
I choose #2.

in my opinion the family relationship is one of the most important relationships that [i:85b7cea7bb]God[/i:85b7cea7bb] has designed...I would be very cautious about usurping that relationship for a something of my own choosing.

I would want a caretaker (arminian or reformed) that would most importantly instill in my children a love for God and a desire to seek after Him. While I think that there are errors in their doctrine, if my children are seeking after the Lord, then I'll trust God to show them the errors in their thinking--no doubt, much like He has done for most of us.  [/quote:85b7cea7bb]

That is an interesting perspective. But, as the parent you must also ensure the spiritual instruction of your children too right? It's a similar situation with Jesus and Mary. Jesus left Mary with John, not his brothers. How do you think that would relate to this situation? Certinly the extended family would not like the children left with &quot;strangers.&quot; But what's best for the children? More thoughts...


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## JonathonHunt (Feb 24, 2004)

I went for #1. I would choose the family of God over blood family in principle, although reality might make me reconsider - for example if the child had good close relationships with non-reformed relatives etc and would find it hard to understand why he/she had been taken away to live with people they scarcely knew instead.


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## alwaysreforming (Feb 24, 2004)

The answer in my opinion is a simple one:
Leave the kids with couple # 1. Why? They could always MEET the rest of the family! It would be a lot easier for the new couple to be assimilated into the rest of the family than for the Charasmatics to change their views, or the 3rd couple to meet the Lord.


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## Gregg (Feb 24, 2004)

[quote:d6c93ba90d][i:d6c93ba90d]Originally posted by puritansailor[/i:d6c93ba90d]
I was wondering, what you all thought about this scenario. 

A reformed couple has a few kids and they must make out a will to decide who they shall leave there children with if they should both die for some reason. Obviously they would want the best for their children both physically and spiritually. But in this scenario, there are no extended family members who are reformed. So, this family must make a tough decision. 

1) Leave the kids with close friends who are reformed yet don't know the extended family. 
2) Leave the kids with close professing Christian (arminian/charasmatic) extended family members.
3) Leave the kids with close and moral yet unbelieving extended family members. 

We shall assume for discussion that all the options are good and upstanding members of society with no serious outward character flaws, other than their differences in faith and it's application.

Who would you decide, and why?

[Edited on 2-22-2004 by puritansailor] [/quote:d6c93ba90d]

______________________

#2 The Arminian believing family. 

They are Christians and will instill a sense of stability like the immediate family to the children as well as a love and respect for the things of God.

:thumbup:

[Edited on 2-25-2004 by Gregg]


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## humble_soul (Mar 8, 2004)

*I went for option #2 in real life.*

My wife and I don't have any reformed friends close enough to leave our kids with. We do however, have good Christian grandparents (who happen to be arminian in theology).

My wife and I have done our best with our boys so far, but, since God is sovereign over all things, including their salvation, they can and will be saved dispite the arminian theology of the SBC going grandparents.

Now the real trick would be to convert the extended family to reformed theology to give the best option.. the one not listed:

&quot;Reformed extended family.&quot;

Also, we have left a trust for the boys to be educated in a reformed Christian school. Instructions to continue education there is something I need to add.


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## a mere housewife (Mar 8, 2004)

Wouldn't it depend on different factors in the situation?

I don't have any children, but of course I want them. And having had a child in our home for some time we did think about this, and decided that godliness is the most important thing-- even more important that the right doctrinal approach-- with the ability to unresentfully accept and love a child not your own that suddenly comes into your private family running a close second. Family members have an advantage in the second area, but close friends are sometimes equally appropriate.


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## Gregg (Mar 8, 2004)

Heidi, how do you like the FPC? I sometimes listen to their ministers audio sermons on sermonaudio.com I really like Pastor Greer from Ireland, and Pastor Hamilton.

[Edited on 3-8-2004 by Gregg]


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## a mere housewife (Mar 8, 2004)

Gregg,

Another very good and wonderfully encouraging minister is David Brame-- he has a very good series on &quot;A King in Israel.&quot; I think you would like his sermons. I can't help having my own &quot;favorite&quot; of the preachers I have heard in the FPC: Reggie Cranston from Port Hope. He ranks right up there for me with Lloyd-Jones and Albert Martin.


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## jasond49079 (Mar 10, 2004)

I am in this situation right now I have a 2-year daughter and another girl any day now. My little girl loves her grandma (wife's mom) very much, but grandma is not a Christian in fact she's a bad influence. My mom goes to a 3rd reformed church (crc) but is not reformed. In fact sometimes I don't understand how she can make some of the decisions she does make about raising my two brothers that she does. In short there is going to some animosities when they find where going to ask a very close friend at church who happens to one of the greatest Christians I know personally. I am almost in tears thinking about telling my in-laws and my parents, but there is no better place for my children to grow that in the home of a humble reformed family.


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## a mere housewife (Mar 10, 2004)

Jason,

One way you could explain (to avoid scenes as much as possible) is to emphasize the common sense angles, for instance, of leaving your kids with friends closer in age: they will have more energy to keep up with toddlers, teenagers, etc. The grandparents can still have all the priveleges of grandparents-- one of which is to send the kid home after they've torn the house apart! Sticking to common sense factors is sometimes not as touchy: people can generally come to grips with them: and if (though I hope not) you should die, the relations between your parents and these people will be less strained, the less your parents have to &quot;get over.&quot;
It's great to have humble, reformed friends, isn't it?


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## Puritan Sailor (Mar 13, 2004)

[quote:9731dd7549][i:9731dd7549]Originally posted by a mere housewife[/i:9731dd7549]
Jason,

One way you could explain (to avoid scenes as much as possible) is to emphasize the common sense angles, for instance, of leaving your kids with friends closer in age: they will have more energy to keep up with toddlers, teenagers, etc. The grandparents can still have all the priveleges of grandparents-- one of which is to send the kid home after they've torn the house apart! Sticking to common sense factors is sometimes not as touchy: people can generally come to grips with them: and if (though I hope not) you should die, the relations between your parents and these people will be less strained, the less your parents have to &quot;get over.&quot;
It's great to have humble, reformed friends, isn't it? [/quote:9731dd7549]
This is good advice is the reformed friends are to be chosen. I deliberately left out the ideal option of &quot;reformed extended family&quot; because we don't live in an ideal world and I wanted to see the some competing principles discussed here. i.e. Doctrinal and biblical faithfulness versus family relation. So hey guys, keep it going. I'm enjoying this discourse.


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## shelly (Mar 22, 2004)

Its a good question, and one which we are wrestling with also.uzzled:

Our problem is that we don't have any good choices. We have to chose the best among the available options. But we aren't sure which is best.:sniff: We don't like any of our choices!

shelly


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## LadyFlynt (Jun 4, 2004)

Number 1 is our only option

We want our children around one set of grandparents...but they would end up in public or not a good christian school. Also if anything happened to them, my children would end up with abusive aminianist relatives on either side. Soooo, we are left with close reformed friends who we happen to be the &quot;godparents&quot; of their children as well.


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## govols (Aug 2, 2004)

*We have done options #1 and #2*

We have some very dear and like minded friends who have two little girls. We have a girl, boy, boy and a girl that should arrive sometime in September.

We feel safe and blessed to have that family that we can leave our children with for a little while.

That was option #1. #2 is a little trickier. We have discussed our beliefs with our parents and have shown them what we are teaching them as much as possible and what they are not allowed to do and what we expect of them (children). They don't believe in the doctrines of grace. We always try to leave books with them to read and a video (if needed, hopefully not). We use videos like Moody Science, Newtons Workshop, etc. Those are pretty good, I guess.?

We do have family that go to church but ... That is option #WeLoveYouButNoThanks.


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## a mere housewife (Aug 2, 2004)

[quote:125833422f]We have a girl, boy, boy and a girl that should arrive sometime in September.[/quote:125833422f]

I misread this, and thought you were having the girl, boy, boy and girl all in September . Busy month


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