# Anyone have experience with adoption of older Asian children?



## MMasztal (Sep 5, 2009)

My wife and I considering adopting an older Asian girl to bring into our family. We have twin 10 year old boys we adopted when they were 6. We had considered adopting an older American girl, but sadly they have a lot of emotional baggage they bring with them. We still deal with abandonment issues with our boys and we've agreed that another child with emotional problems might be too much.

We have friends that have adopted 2 younger Asian girls and have recommended Asian adoptions as these girls are often abandoned, grow up in orphanages and typically don't have emotional issues. 

Has anyone adopted older Asian children? I have some concerns about their ability to adapt into American culture based on relationships with Asians who have emigrated to the US. 

Maybe my concerns are unfounded.

Thanks.


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## Caroline (Sep 5, 2009)

I would expect that any older child (American or Asian) would have emotional difficulties and abandonment issues. (So would I, in that situation). This is not to say that people should not adopt older children, but that people should be realistic about it. If your reason for not adopting an American girl is because you aren't sure your family could handle another child with emotional problems (and I'm not saying that's wrong at all--a parent's first responsibility is to their own family and only you know what would be realistically something you could handle), then I would be a little concerned. The thing about adopting through foster care is that you do at least have some time to acclimate to each other and determine whether the arrangement is working out (for you and for the child) before you make an adoption commitment. Adopting from Asia, you'd pretty much have to go into it blind and hope for the best. 

Children who grow up in orphanages often struggle in family life. They are not used to parents, they are used to 'staff'--people who come and go and to whom they have little emotional attachment. There is also generally what I call a 'Daddy Warbucks syndrome'--a false expectation of adoption. Most of them dream that someone rich will come along and adopt them, and then they will have everything they ever wanted--a huge mansion, a sports car, etc, etc. Real family life (and limited budgets) are a bit of a let-down. 

This isn't to say that you shouldn't do it, but I'd recommend caution, especially if your family situation is already under some strain.


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