# Courtship in action



## Mantis (Jan 20, 2005)

Could someone give the biblical basis for courtship (I am not looking for verses speaking about parent authority...this much is clear to me. I would like to know if there are any examples of courtship found in scripture.) Also, how does courtship work (i.e. from start to finish what is allowed/disallowed during courtship.) Thanks for any responses.


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## Scott Bushey (Jan 20, 2005)

I believe the bible is silent on dating. The people of the bible were betrothed. I guess this is a sort of courtship:

Gen 29:11 And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.


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## Mantis (Jan 20, 2005)

Scott: 

I also believe that we do not see dating/courtship in the Bible. So how will you approach these issues with your children? Do you feel that betrothal is the way to go?


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Jan 20, 2005)

I don't have time to address this important and interesting topic adequately right now, but I would highly recommend as you study this issue that you get yourself a copy of Daniel Defoe's _Religious Courtship_. There is no better Puritan-era resource on this topic that I can think of. 

See: http://www.puritanboard.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=7867


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## ChristianasJourney (Jan 20, 2005)

My $.02...maybe even a little more.

Instead of following courtship, dating, betrothal, etc. I think couples should just apply the general principles of life that the Bible sets fourth, as they are already doing in other areas of their life.

For example: The Bible talks a lot about the authority structure, particularly between a parent and a child. Today's "Biblical Courtship" is based upon parents having the authority over a child's courtship relationship...This isn't an authority that begins at courtship, but one that has begun at birth, and carries through. Biblical principles include, honoring your father and mother, treating women as your Christian sister, not having premarital sexual relationships, and (gasp) loving one another. (This usually isn't included in a courtship book.)

Similar to the Pharasees, the modern day courtship movement has offered some good suggestions in order to go about doing this, but as is too often the case these suggestions have turned into rules that are hard for everyone to put into practice. This whole concept of guarding ones heart against hurt doesn't seem to be set forth in scripture. Likewise, if parents don't believe in the accepted courtship model is it honoring to them, or scriptural, to superceed their authority in order to make yourself accountable to someone who does. Yet many under the guise of following "Biblical courtship" will step out from under the parents authority that they claim to want.

The Bible does give examples of courtship. But I wager that they're examples that most parents don't want to follow: Who wants to send their daughter to the bed of some stranger based only on the account of a servant (Isaac and Rebeccah), and having a man throw himself on his daughter and weep and kiss her probably wouldn't be too successful (Jacob and Rachel). Of course, I could recite the Biblical examples of Jacob and Leah, the Benjamites kidnapping the Israelite virgins, Ruth spending the night with Boaz, Hosea and ??, Joseph and Mary, etc. These are all examples courtship as practiced in the Bible, and mostly by God fearing people. What is telling is that they were all different, and even the ones that were honoring to God, didn't fit the Courtship model that's commonly being perpetuated today. 

To sum it up: There are no rules for courtship. Each family and person comes from its own unique background. To apply the rules that others have created to your situation may not work--in fact smacks of being legalistic. However, the Biblical principles that a Christian should live their life by, applies as much to dating relationships as it does to any other aspect of life.


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