# Not much of a bind but need confirmation



## Anton Bruckner (Jan 16, 2008)

I have a cousin that landed a major contract in south america. Before he landed the contract I did major work in doing the financial and cost projections. The problem is that according to the projections some serious $$$$$$$$$$$$$ is going to be made. $$$$$$$$$$$$ whereby I can send my kid to harvard without having to worry about it. My cousin asked me to come on board as a director, and the potential is there to secure other lucrative contracts once this project comes off the ground and is managed efficiently.

Now here is where the problem comes in. Being Director would require me to spend at least 8 months if not more out of the U.S in South America for the next 20 years. Many of you know the situation with my son. I get him on alternate weekends. So far I am the only one taking him to church and teaching him the word. If I am to go work with my cousin, even though my son will be well provided for financially, his spiritual life will collapse since his mother has no interest in spiritual things.

So the question is whether I should go to South America or stick it out with my son? I think the latter, since we are admonished to raise our children up in the fear and the admonition of the Lord. But just to confirm it, I am seeking the advise my PB brethren.


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## BJClark (Jan 16, 2008)

Slippery;

This is a tough situation, and I'm sure the money is tempting, but it's not just your son's spiritual health that could be effected by such a move, yours could be too. 

Such a move could require you to work long hours where your spiritual health is also neglected and not being fed and that is something you would also need to consider.

what is the spiritual climate of the country you'd be going to, do you know?

And I can certainly imagine that kind of money could be very tempting, looking at all the things it would/could provide for your son and yourself in the years to come.

Is there a time limit you have to decide on whether you want to take this position or not? If it's one you need to decide quickly, I'd probably say turn it down as you haven't had enough time to really pray about and seek peace in your heart about it..but at the same time, is there a way you could take it temporarily (maybe a year) and see how it goes? 

And with this kind of money would there be a way you could fly back to the states a couple times a month to spend time with your son, and could you get that written in to a job contract? And if it could, do you think they would hint that your not really putting the job first, where you would be even more tempted to choose job and financial security over God and family? 

I know it's a struggle for many people to have to give up that kind of income once they've started making it..it's like it sinks it's claws into them and won't let go..and they have to go under God's knife to surgically remove the claws. 


And just know, it would be a very difficult decision whether you had custody of your son or not...

Now something I do know, and can speak to, is that my ex-husband's job requires he travel (and the money isn't near what your speaking of, but it's more than he'd ever made), and my kids only see him about once a month if that..but even then he was and is not the one that took or takes them to Church, and makes sure they are fed spiritually. But even in that, it has been very difficult on the kids not seeing their dad every other weekend as they did shortly after the divorce. It has effected my girls differently than it has my son..my son struggles outwardly more than they do, but they struggle inwardly.

He has gotten into trouble trying to see if dad would come back and DO something..and hearing his voice on the phone for discipline is NOT the same as having him there to discipline when he acts up, there are times it seems as if he is laughing at it, like "what can you do, your not even here". 

And at times there is a resentment and anger in my son when my husband will go to discipline him and my son will scream out..."YOUR NOT MY DAD" and we can't come back and say.."Your right, but your dad isn't here to do it so he's stepping in to do that" because that only serves to take the knife in his heart and twists it..and serves to only cause more spiritual and emotional hurts..

so for kids, it's not just that dad is there to make sure they are fed spiritually, as that is truly a blessing, but they are also physically there to feed them emotionally and with their time and physical touch..and it doesn't matter if dad is a reprobate, the kids need to have that connection..

So, I honestly wouldn't know how to advise you on such a matter other than to continue to pray about it..and offer my experience on the other end of such a situation, and to pray on your behalf that God will give you wisdom and peace about whatever direction he takes you...


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## a mere housewife (Jan 16, 2008)

You mentioned that you're the only one teaching your son the word of God. I think that is a more precious treasure that you're giving him now than any possible monetary benefits in the future. All those plans may come to nothing before they come to fruition anyway. But God's word will never fail. I think you're right to choose rather to give your son the word: the other choice might negate what you've taught him or anything you might say to him again about the preciousness of it.

"The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure,
making wise the simple;
the precepts of the LORD are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the LORD is pure,
enlightening the eyes;
the fear of the LORD is clean,
enduring forever;
the rules of the LORD are true,
and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.
Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward."


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## Anton Bruckner (Jan 16, 2008)

BJClark said:


> He has gotten into trouble trying to see if dad would come back and DO something..and hearing his voice on the phone for discipline is NOT the same as having him there to discipline when he acts up, there are times it seems as if he is laughing at it, like "what can you do, your not even here".
> 
> And at times there is a resentment and anger in my son when my husband will go to discipline him and my son will scream out..."YOUR NOT MY DAD" and we can't come back and say.."Your right, but your dad isn't here to do it so he's stepping in to do that" because that only serves to take the knife in his heart and twists it..and serves to only cause more spiritual and emotional hurts..
> 
> so for kids, it's not just that dad is there to make sure they are fed spiritually, as that is truly a blessing, but they are also physically there to feed them emotionally and with their time and physical touch..and it doesn't matter if dad is a reprobate, the kids need to have that connection..


thanks a lot for this experience. I will truly take this to heart when considering future jobs that could possibly take me away from my son.


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## Anton Bruckner (Jan 16, 2008)

a mere housewife said:


> "The law of the LORD is perfect,
> reviving the soul;
> The testimony of the LORD is sure,
> making wise the simple;
> ...



thanks a lot for this. I should have known the above psalm thus being able to apply it.


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## Theogenes (Jan 16, 2008)

What's more important to you, money or your son? 
the answer should be obvious...


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## moral necessity (Jan 16, 2008)

Brother Keon,

When you're not the one involved, like me, advice that is given is easier said than done. 

As a father, I know I have a duty from God, both to provide for my children, and to raise up my children in the way they should go. To not attend to these is unfaithfulness to my calling from God. My bed is already made; and my path is already chosen, by me having children. So, unless I can personally perform my duty before God, or see that some percentage of it is performed by someone else to the necessary degree (like my wife) while I cover the rest, I have not obeyed my Lord in this. And, my involvement can never be a zero.

Your leaving would be both to his benefit, and to his detriment; his benefit, financially, and his detriment, spiritual influence and relational fatherhood. You are to provide all three, and which to diminish is usually determined by what is least important. Many fathers are just as absent today, yet they never leave the country. They lie on the couch and ignore their children. I'm sure you could be a least better than this, even if you were out of the country. But, the question is, why only be this good? 10 years down the road, would you regret it? Could you sleep at night knowing you tried your best with what you've been given? And, could you give an account of your stewardship before the Father in the way that you would like to?

As my dad told me: "Everything in life is a trade-off." As you said, you know what to do, but just wanted confirmation. I would stay home with my son. I would also have a good example to share with him when he got older.

Now, if my son was a young adult and on his own, that would be different, in some degree. He would stand before God individually then, and my influence would be more that of a friend than a parent.

Perhaps if the money is very, very good, you could take him with you on these alternate weekends? Or, perhaps your cousin would allow you alternate weekends off, for a pay-cut, or overtime work during the other days?

Being a father, I sympathize with you...

Blessings and prayers to you, in the situation in which our sovereign God has placed you, and in which every other situation but this one would not be in your best interest.


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## Anton Bruckner (Jan 17, 2008)

thanks for the prayers Charles. The path has become much clearer.


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## Zenas (Jan 17, 2008)

Gosh that's a hard decision, because there's potential benefits for your son if you leave, but he's already benefitting so much from you being here.

I am not a father, but I simply would consider that the things of this world are fleeting, it is all straw to be consumed. On top of that, no man may serve two masters. I fear great wealth myself.


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