# Should Only The Husband Pray in Family Worship?



## Nse007 (Jun 19, 2007)

Should only the husband pray in corporate prayer time? I know of a certain mans wife who really enjoys praying outloud when she prays? Is it appropriate for her to do so during family prayer or does just the husband lead the family to God's throne room?


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Jun 19, 2007)

To give my 

I think the norm is for the husband/father to lead family worship. He is the head of the household and he should be praying for the family (the Directory of Family Worship refers to this duty as belonging to the head of the household). The rest of the family can offer their prayer requests ahead of time and should be praying along with him. If the husband/father is incapicated or absent then the wife/mother is generally next in line to lead family worship. There are some exceptions to the rule which is why I think of this as the norm. 

John Howe has some thoughts on women leading family worship when the male head is absent here.

Robert Burns, _The Cotter's Saturday Night_:



> The priest-like father reads the sacred page,
> ...
> Then kneeling down to Heaven's Eternal King,
> The saint, the father, and the husband prays:


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## Romans922 (Jun 19, 2007)

I don't know what you are supposed to do, but I let my wife pray before we read Scripture, and then I typically do the longer prayer following.


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## etexas (Jun 19, 2007)

I am not sure about just husbands, I do believe in adult males when possible.


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## Romans922 (Jun 19, 2007)

Does Scripture in this sense have any particularities on family worship?

Also, when is a wife to pray publically? Never? Not in Public Worship mind you, just whenever? Is she never to pray when our family is together? If she does, does it go over my male headship role?


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## Contra_Mundum (Jun 19, 2007)

I think we ought not try to make the exercise of our faith *more* strict than the Bible does.

Where does the question come from, "Can women pray aloud in front of men?" Is the concern that if so, then she's "leading in worship"? What is Paul regulating when he command's "silence" from the ladies? He's addressing the matter of church order, specifically public worship. Period. Leading the _gathered people_ in worship is a function of the Ministry. The Ministry is restricted to men, as a reflection of created order.

Beyond that sphere, then, Paul's (the Spirit's) dictum does not pertain. Outside the church, there is greater liberty of expression. We govern our conduct in prayer by the general rules of Christian liberty, prudence, and "the light of nature." If the husband and wife take turns praying aloud, is this not a demonstration of entering into the other's soul? Is it not a demonstration of _oneness?_

Now, if it is the missus that does all the praying for the family, even when father is present, this gives evidence of imbalance. But finding "ratios", etc., in the Bible is trying to make law what isn't. Trying to press everyone into a mold doesn't work, it only creates social norms that get forced upon all--OK up to a point in voluntary societies, but appalling when (for instance) missionaries with our western norms suppress perfectly reasonable social norms in alien cultures, not because they are evil, but because they aren't famililar.

I do agree that father's *should* take the natural lead in worship. But his governance may differ somewhat from one house to another.


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## Puritan Sailor (Jun 19, 2007)

I think fathers should be the primary prayer leaders, but I think our children need to be given ample opportunities to lead in prayer. You learn with practice, not just observation of your parents. We let our kids pray for meals and even occasionally in family worship.


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## Romans922 (Jun 19, 2007)

Puritan Sailor said:


> I think fathers should be the primary prayer leaders, but I think our children need to be given ample opportunities to lead in prayer. You learn with practice, not just observation of your parents. We let our kids pray for meals and even occasionally in family worship.



I find this same logic of practice also valuable for my wife. How is she to lead other women in prayer if she is not given opportunities to pray aloud. I guess it might be different since my family worship is just me and her!?!


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## turmeric (Jun 19, 2007)

Letting the children pray aloud also tells you where they are spiritually. If you are the only one who prays, how do you know they're doing anything besides going through the motions?

I agree with Pastor Bruce.


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## etexas (Jun 19, 2007)

Puritan Sailor said:


> I think fathers should be the primary prayer leaders, but I think our children need to be given ample opportunities to lead in prayer. You learn with practice, not just observation of your parents. We let our kids pray for meals and even occasionally in family worship.


Patrick I do agree in principal but I have a cousin who always demanded her little darlings be the ones to pray at family functions, they were "cute" prayers and since the adults chuckled they worked their prayers to the point of silliness for attention. It led to a conflict between my cousin and I that is only now healing...............about two years later. Let the kids pray if you will, please teach them it is serious teach them how to pray.


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## LadyFlynt (Jun 19, 2007)

Puritan Sailor said:


> I think fathers should be the primary prayer leaders, but I think our children need to be given ample opportunities to lead in prayer. You learn with practice, not just observation of your parents. We let our kids pray for meals and even occasionally in family worship.



This is how we are. It gives us oppurtunities with our children. My husband will open and close in prayer, but will leave time for others to pray in between.


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## bookslover (Jun 19, 2007)

The husband should lead in family worship, but it's perfectly acceptable and normal for all participants to pray. After all, it isn't _family_ worship is he does everything!


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## toddpedlar (Jun 19, 2007)

Puritan Sailor said:


> I think fathers should be the primary prayer leaders, but I think our children need to be given ample opportunities to lead in prayer. You learn with practice, not just observation of your parents. We let our kids pray for meals and even occasionally in family worship.



We typically have everyone pray at times, during family worship, though I am the primary pray-er. I pray at the start, and a longer prayer at the end to close the day. My kids very frequently (unless we have company) pray at the dinner table - this is something they've all wanted to do very young (God be praised!), and our youngest, who just turned 2 last month, has made her way into the dinner prayer rotation. 

Todd


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Jun 19, 2007)

I did a little reading tonight on this subject to see what others have said. Oliver Heywood in _Family Altar_ allows that women may pray aloud in family worship provided that they wear a veil over their face. He concludes: "But I am not positive herein, and leave it to the consideration of others" (p. 405).

Kerry Ptacek, in his book _Family Worship: Biblical Basis, Historical Reality, Current Need_, published by Southern Presbyterian Press (GPTS), provides a number of Biblical and historical references to show that it is primarily the duty of heads of households to lead the family in prayer as it flows from the headship principle. As God deals covenantally with families, so heads of households stand before God on behalf of their families. He cites Joshua 24.15, among the other examples of the patriarchs. He also draws a parallel between the governors of the church and governors of familes: "Speaking in the assembly is an exercise of the headship of the husband. Since he rules in his household, he also speaks for it, including his wife" (p. 32). 

Later on he cites Daniel Cawdrey, Westminster divine and author of _Family Reformation Promoted_ (1656): "For example, Cawdrey argued that the Christian 'chief householder' acts 'in Christ's stead to his family' and exercise the offices of prophet, priest, and king in his instruction, prayer and rule in the family (Cawdrey, pp. 58-9)" (p. 48). 

Speaking of the _Directory of Family Worship_, he says: "It bears emphasizing that the _Directory_ clearly views the male head of the household as the person in charge of all aspects of family worship." (p. 49). The _Directory_ itself says in Sect. IV: "The head of the family, who is to lead in this service, ought to be careful that all members of his household duly attend..."

Ptacek (p. 52) then goes on to cite Richard Baxter's comments in _A Christian Directory_:



> It is the will of God that the rulers of families should teach those that are under them the doctrine of salvation, ie., the doctrine of God concerning salvation, and the terms on which it is to be had, and the means to be used for attaining it, and all duties requisite on our parts thereunto. (p. 414)
> 
> Direct. V. The husband is to excel the wife in knowledge, and be her teacher in the matters that belong to salvation. He must instruct her in the word of God, and direct her in particular duties, and help her to subdue her own corruptions, and labor to confirm her against temptations; if she doubt of any thing that he can resolve her in, she is to ask his resolution, and he to open to her at home the things which she understood not in the congregation, 1 Cor. xiv. 35. But if the husband be indeed an ignorant sot, or have made himself unable to instruct his wife, she is not bound to ask him in vain, to teach her that which he understands not himself. Those husbands that despise the word of God, and live in willful ignorance, do not only despise their own souls, but their families also; and making themselves unable for their duties, they are usually themselves despised by their inferiors: for God hath told such in his message to Eli, 1 Sam. ii. 30, "Them that honor me, I will honor; and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed."
> 
> ...



And Matthew Henry: "Masters of families, who preside in the other affairs of the house, must go before their households in the things of God. They must be as prophets, priests, and kings in their own families; and as such they must keep up family-doctrine, family-worship, and family discipline: then is there a church in the house, and that is the family religion I am persuading you to." (_A Church in the House. A Sermon Concerning Family Religion._, p. 251) (Ptacek, p. 52).

He goes on to cite J.W. Alexander's classic _Thoughts on Family Worship_: "The maintenance of domestic religion in every house is primarily entrusted to the head of the family" (Alexander, p. 43; Ptacek, p. 59). Ptacek: "Alexander viewed the husband as the spiritual guardian of his wife and considered the reversal of that relationship to be "unnatural" (Alexander, p. 46). Family worship is a means for exercising this spiritual guardianship. No one else can exercise this role with his wife. Moreover, a head who does not act as a spiritual leader of his children cannot be replaced by his wife." (Ptacek, p. 59). 

J.W. Alexander, p. 193: 



> The person, whose office it is to lead in Family-Worship, is undoubtedly the head of the household. The father is here in his proper place, as the prophet and patriarch of his little State. In the occasional absence of the father, Providence has devolved this, with all other parental trusts, on the solitary, or the widowed mother. And though it brings with it a keen trial to diffidence and feminine reserve, it is also eminently amiable and touching; and dutiful sons will make every effort to lessen the burdens of the maternal heart, when engaged in such a duty. The parent may sometimes see cause to depute this office to a son or brother, when the latter, from education, gifts, or graces, is qualified to take his part with edification. In a house so happy as to comprise several such persons, rotation in the service may be allowed; always reserving to the father, or head, his prerogative and responsibility of direction.


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## BJClark (Jun 20, 2007)

Isn't the husband STILL leading if/when he delegates to His wife and/or children to also pray?

I don't think a wife/child should just start praying, but if her husband asks her to pray, then He is still (in my opinion) leading His family.


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## Sebastian Heck (Jun 20, 2007)

I second that, BJClark! But the wife, being in submission to her husband, better be a female adult and the husband, being the head of his wife, better be male! ;-) Thought I had to make that clear!


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## Puritan Sailor (Jun 20, 2007)

I follow Jesus said:


> Patrick I do agree in principal but I have a cousin who always demanded her little darlings be the ones to pray at family functions, they were "cute" prayers and since the adults chuckled they worked their prayers to the point of silliness for attention. It led to a conflict between my cousin and I that is only now healing...............about two years later. Let the kids pray if you will, please teach them it is serious teach them how to pray.



I don' t think they should seek cute-ness in prayer. But allowing them to pray helps them practice. It gives you occasion to help them learn better how to pray correctly. And as Tumeric noted above, it can give you an indication where they are spiritually (one of many indicators I suppose). It's part of our role in discipleship.


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## jawyman (Jun 20, 2007)

I lead our family worship, but we also have time for a Mother's prayer, in which my wife will petition the Lord as a woman, a mother and a wife. I feel that her prayers are in no way exercising authority over our family worship time.


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## toddpedlar (Jun 20, 2007)

jawyman said:


> I lead our family worship, but we also have time for a Mother's prayer, in which my wife will petition the Lord as a woman, a mother and a wife. I feel that her prayers are in no way exercising authority over our family worship time.



Indeed - and this is the purpose of our having a prayer time during our worship at home that includes all of us. My wife as mother and wife and my girls as ... girls. It is entirely appropriate, it seems to me, and no abdicating of my own authority of head. We all share together in our petitioning our common Heavenly Father, each in our own way, each appropriately to our roles. 

Todd


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## jawyman (Jun 20, 2007)

toddpedlar said:


> Indeed - and this is the purpose of our having a prayer time during our worship at home that includes all of us. My wife as mother and wife and my girls as ... girls. It is entirely appropriate, it seems to me, and no abdicating of my own authority of head. We all share together in our petitioning our common Heavenly Father, each in our own way, each appropriately to our roles.
> 
> Todd



 and


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## Nse007 (Jun 20, 2007)

VirginiaHuguenot said:


> I did a little reading tonight on this subject to see what others have said. Oliver Heywood in _Family Altar_ allows that women may pray aloud in family worship provided that they wear a veil over their face. He concludes: "But I am not positive herein, and leave it to the consideration of others" (p. 405).
> 
> Kerry Ptacek, in his book _Family Worship: Biblical Basis, Historical Reality, Current Need_, published by Southern Presbyterian Press (GPTS), provides a number of Biblical and historical references to show that it is primarily the duty of heads of households to lead the family in prayer as it flows from the headship principle. As God deals covenantally with families, so heads of households stand before God on behalf of their families. He cites Joshua 24.15, among the other examples of the patriarchs. He also draws a parallel between the governors of the church and governors of familes: "Speaking in the assembly is an exercise of the headship of the husband. Since he rules in his household, he also speaks for it, including his wife" (p. 32).
> 
> ...



Dear Andrew,

All this good, and I was reading up on Baxter too, but it fails to answer the question. I know that the man is the priest of the home, but does this neccessarily preclude the wife from praying?


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## QueenEsther (Jun 22, 2007)

in my home I lead when it's just the kids and I. When the rest of the family is home then my brother leads then his wife then me then the kids from oldest to youngest.


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Jun 22, 2007)

Nse007 said:


> Dear Andrew,
> 
> All this good, and I was reading up on Baxter too, but it fails to answer the question. I know that the man is the priest of the home, but does this neccessarily preclude the wife from praying?



As I mentioned earlier, I think that there are exceptional situations in which a wife may indeed lead the family in prayer, but I do not think that the exception should be the rule. The husband/father is the one with the duty to lead his family in prayer and although there may be times when that responsibility is properly delegated to a wife or sons, it is his regular duty as the head of the family to be the person who leads the family in prayer.


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## satz (Jun 23, 2007)

I don't believe anyone would reject the idea that it is the husband's duty to lead the family in worship, or that he should be the one to lead in prayer most of the time. 

I thought the question here was is it ever permissible for the wife or children to pray outloud during the course of family worship, or at any other time when the family is gathered together ie meals etc, if done with the husband's permission. I can't honestly think of any reason it would not be allowed. The verses that restrict women's roles in church in that manner have as their context that very thing - the formal church service.


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## ServantOfKing (Jun 26, 2007)

To be honest I am very surprised that it would ever be considered against God's will for anyone to pray. Aren't we commanded to pray without ceasing? Aren't we commanded to bring our prayers and supplications before God? 

Is there any scripture to back up the view that in family worship women should not pray aloud? 

I honestly cannot see how a wife praying to God aloud would usurp her husband's authority. 

My relationship with God and His spirit residing in me is what enables me to submit to my husband!


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## Sebastian Heck (Jul 5, 2007)

ServantOfKing said:


> To be honest I am very surprised that it would ever be considered against God's will for anyone to pray.



For instance, it would be against the will of God for you to pray aloud during a sermon in the worship service, right? Just as much can it be against God's will for the wife to just start praying aloud during family worship. We are discussing here the question of leadership not the question whether prayer is biblical per se...


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Sep 23, 2007)

Thomas Cobbet, _Gospel Incense, or A Practical Treatise on Prayer_ (of which Cotton Mather said: "Of all the books written by Mr. Cobbet, none deserves more to be read by the world, or to live till the burning of the world, than that of prayer"), pp. 71-74:



> _Question_. Who must pray in the family?
> 
> _Answer_. The master of the family especially. Husbands must dwell with their wives as men of knowledge, that their prayers be not hindered by any defects of theirs in the business of praying with them. The apostle, writing to masters of their duty adds, in the next place, (as next concerning them as heads of the family,) continue in prayer. Only Cornelius, of all the house who feared God, is mentioned as praying always. If the rest feared God, surely they prayed oft alone. But in the family Cornelius himself was more constantly employed as the mouth of the rest. For indeed every gracious master of a family is an holy priest to God, not as a gracious only to offer for himself, but as a gracious master also in relation to his family, to offer up the sacrifices of prayer and praise on their behalf. And the priests of old, as masters of families, had their offerings for themselves and families, as well as officers to the church, had their offerings for the congregation.
> 
> ...


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