# My membership vows and "visiting" other churches



## Echoing_Angels (Dec 21, 2010)

My question centers on the question: do I violate the promise to "Do you promise to support the Church in its worship and work to the best of your ability?" if I decide to attend other church's worship service on some occasions?

Am I "church shopping" after making promise to my church, by visiting and worshipping at other churches maybe 60-70% of my Sundays? I plan on still supporting my church financially and in the other ministries such as small group, ESL, and Men breakfast.

The details are that I joined this small church about 3 years ago. I've grown quiet a bit a bit, in both knowledge and knowing God, there, having gotten to know the pastor, the people, and the ministries. I been dedicated to this church pretty much every Sunday. But the people in there, do not satisfy my fellowship needs. I'm a single guy, and there are almost nobody in my life stage. While I am fed by the gospel and proper teaching, I miss the fellowship support from peers in my age and being able share the struggles I have.

My hope is that in the new year, I want to visit these other churches which I know my friends go to. I'm dedicated to my church, and I feel convicted for thinking about going to the other churches which support my fellowship needs.


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## Wayne (Dec 21, 2010)

Please take time to set up your signature block. See the instructions in the Control Panel, at the top of the page. Or click the appropriate link below my name.

For now I'll defer to others to offer answers to your questions.


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## Andres (Dec 21, 2010)

perhaps I am reading into what you said to much, so I will ask for clarification sake: when you mention that you are a single guy and your fellowship needs aren't met, are you saying your church doesn't have enough single women for you?


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## Echoing_Angels (Dec 21, 2010)

no single guys. I'm sure you are aware that single guys have a unusual bond that exists. I know I do from my old church which I went to in college. Girls would be nice, but I've made some of by best friends through sharing out struggles. I've made effort to reach out, but the men there doesn't seem to relate. They are married and in different life stages.

Sorry for the signature. Fixed.


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## Edward (Dec 21, 2010)

I would suggest discussing your concerns with your pastors and elders. A small church needs active members, not just their money. And the men might be able to give some practical counsel on this issue. 

And I would further suggest that 'where your friends go' is not a good criteria for picking a church. Since you indicated that your church is solid, why don't you get your friends to start going there?


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## Andres (Dec 21, 2010)

Yan, thank you for your clarification. I do agree that Godly fellowship is an important part of church membership, however I think a proper distinction needs to be made as to what this looks like. I agree with Edward above that choosing a church based on friends is not good criteria. If you simply are looking for Christian friends to hang out with, then hang out with those guys from the other churches on during the week or go out together on Friday night. But when it comes time to being fed the Word of God and having the sacraments administered to you, you need a solid church home that will do this properly. Plus you may find that those older men you think you do not have much in common with may be able to teach you quite a bit.


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## Echoing_Angels (Dec 21, 2010)

I have been. The Pastor and I are very close. He's letting in organization of churches and the struggles and problems which he faces. I actually feel even more badly for even bring this up to him. I know his struggle as a church planter and really empathetic to his problems, which I do feel is way larger than mine. We had people come and go all the time, and it's painful for me and my pastor.

I guess I'm more frustrated than anything. It's been 3 years, and I've haven't made any close friends beyond the pastor. I'm pretty sure that it's not a lack of effort as my pastor even tells to take a break since I'm almost constantly there.

The issue is that the I realize I made a huge mistake in picking a church that's out of my community of where I live. I was naive when coming out of college. I thought I felt the call of the Holy Spirit there, but now at this point I'm just not sure. I wished I picked a church near where I live, work, and go to school.


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## au5t1n (Dec 21, 2010)

In my humble opinion, missing 60-70% of services is definitely pushing the boundaries of your vow to support the church in its worship and work. Perhaps there is another way to achieve this fellowship without missing your church's services 60-70% of the time?



Echoing_Angels said:


> The issue is that the I realize I made a huge mistake in picking a church that's out of my community of where I live. I was naive when coming out of college. I thought I felt the call of the Holy Spirit there, but now at this point I'm just not sure. I wished I picked a church near where I live, work, and go to school.


 
If there is a solid reformed congregation in your own area, perhaps the pastor of your church would understand if you sought to join a closer church. It would be better to transfer membership than to miss 60-70% of services at the church where you hold membership, in my opinion. Just my opinion.


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## Kevin (Dec 21, 2010)

How far "out of your community" is your present church from the place of you residence?


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## Echoing_Angels (Dec 22, 2010)

Thanks Andrew, I spent most of time there on weekdays in anyway I can help. I do realize this is a newly planted church, and it lacks many things. Since I've moved up to MD from my last church, I just haven't had the same bonds of brotherhood which I did from my previous church.

I do plan on this year participating more activities with the church which my friends attend. My church is a fledging, and sometime I gueiss it is the reason why the Spirit prompted me to this church.

---------- Post added 12-22-2010 at 12:01 AM ---------- Previous post was 12-21-2010 at 11:54 PM ----------




Kevin said:


> How far "out of your community" is your present church from the place of you residence?


 
I know one other family (an elder) that live within 5-10 min drive away. There might be one other family (I've seen couple of times) that live close.

I don't know anyone from where I work, live, or go to class in my church. There are atleast 2-3 other churches PCA church which I know is physically closer.

I lead habitat as a mercy ministry, and I can't even invite the people whose house i work for to lunch or dinner because it would be an hour drive alteast away. I sometime get frustrated at the Holy Spirit prompting.


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## Kevin (Dec 22, 2010)

Brother, in my opinion, you should attend the nearest congregation "of like precious faith" that is available & suitable.

Following this principle might solve your other questions.


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## Echoing_Angels (Dec 22, 2010)

and this happen to me also. I met someone in my class. I was able to present the gospel to him and was about to invite him to my church. Guess what? My church is over an hour away from where he lived. I had to handed him to a known campus minister.

My church is about 30 min from where I live. I should never picked suburban, but like I said, I was naive.


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## Andres (Dec 22, 2010)

austinww said:


> It would be better to transfer membership than to miss 60-70% of services at the church where you hold membership


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## Jack K (Dec 22, 2010)

A membership transfer due to where you live is not at all unusual. Even if you were unwise when you first signed up in thinking the distance would be no problem, it should be okay to fix that now by transferring your membership.

However, switching to another church just because you like the fellowship at the other church better is potentially a problem. Part of the reason for membership vows is so we're stuck with each other, even if we aren't the sort of people who'd otherwise be friends, and have to build Christ-centered friendships that cross cultural and generational lines. The argument that I have to "satisfy my fellowship needs" has been wrongly used to justify a lot of church shopping.

So if you think the main reason you find fellowship lacking at your current church is because those people are different from you, I'd say you should consider staying and trying harder. If you think distance is the main obstacle, I'd say transfer your membership with a clear conscience.


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## Scott1 (Dec 22, 2010)

This must be considered in light of vows. We live in a generation that takes vows lightly. God does not take them lightly.



> Ecclesiastes 5
> 
> 4When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.
> 
> 5Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.





> Job 22
> 
> 27Thou shalt make thy prayer unto him, and he shall hear thee, and thou shalt pay thy vows.





> Psalm 61:5
> 
> 5For thou, O God, hast heard my vows: thou hast given me the heritage of those that fear thy name.



From the part of the vows you stated, you have promised on oath to substantially attend, support financially and with your service,and pray for one covenant community, which, by implication likely will have an ordinary privilege of transfer (between congregations of the same denomination).

Unless you have had a major change in doctrinal conviction (and then you would still be bound to seek the church's blessing for dismissal), you are bound by your oath.

To be released from that, you would need to seek the blessing of the spiritual authority there, bound by the oaths you took.


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