# Why Women Are Leaving Men for Other Women



## ChristianTrader (Mar 20, 2009)

Cynthia Nixon did it. Lindsay Lohan's doing it. TV shows are based on it. Is it our imaginations, or are wives and girlfriends ditching their men and falling in love with other women? New science says that sexuality is more fluid than we thought.

Why Women Are Leaving Men for Lesbian Relationships - Bisexuality - Oprah.com


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## ZackF (Mar 20, 2009)

ChristianTrader said:


> Cynthia Nixon did it. Lindsay Lohan's doing it. TV shows are based on it. Is it our imaginations, or are wives and girlfriends ditching their men and falling in love with other women? New science says that sexuality is more fluid than we thought.
> 
> Why Women Are Leaving Men for Lesbian Relationships - Bisexuality - Oprah.com



This is nothing new.


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## Blueridge Believer (Mar 20, 2009)

ChristianTrader said:


> Cynthia Nixon did it. Lindsay Lohan's doing it. TV shows are based on it. Is it our imaginations, or are wives and girlfriends ditching their men and falling in love with other women? New science says that sexuality is more fluid than we thought.
> 
> Why Women Are Leaving Men for Lesbian Relationships - Bisexuality - Oprah.com



Romans 1. These people love sin and hate Christ.


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## SolaScriptura (Mar 20, 2009)

I know TWO evangelical chaplains whose wives left them for other women.


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## 21st Century Calvinist (Mar 20, 2009)

At the risk of sounding like a feminist: perhaps men are not being the husbands they are supposed to be.


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## reformed trucker (Mar 20, 2009)

21st Century Calvinist said:


> perhaps men are not being the husbands they are supposed to be.



Spot on.


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## Michael (Mar 20, 2009)

reformed trucker said:


> 21st Century Calvinist said:
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> > perhaps men are not being the husbands they are supposed to be.
> ...



And this _causes_ them to pursue women, sexually?


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## JonathanHunt (Mar 20, 2009)

21st Century Calvinist said:


> At the risk of sounding like a feminist: perhaps men are not being the husbands they are supposed to be.



I have extremely close experience of this issue and there is a lot - A LOT - of truth in your remark.


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## Michael (Mar 20, 2009)

I could see perhaps if a husband was encouraging his wife to sinfully act in a bisexual or lesbian manner...but otherwise I don't understand where you are coming from here. I mean, do any of the men here want to run off with other men simply because we might not have a wife that treats us well as we'd like? If so, I doubt it's your wife's fault.

-----Added 3/20/2009 at 10:06:02 EST-----

By the way, I'd be interested to hear what some of the ladies have to say on this subject...


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## reformed trucker (Mar 20, 2009)

Ezekiel16 said:


> reformed trucker said:
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> > 21st Century Calvinist said:
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If a husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, she would not look elsewhere for fulfillment.


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## Michael (Mar 20, 2009)

reformed trucker said:


> If a husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, she would not look elsewhere for fulfillment.


Sorry to tell you brother, but some wives have been known to do this just as some wives reject Christ altogether. 

In fact, the ex-wife of the fellow in you signature was one of them (not the bisexual part to my knowledge, but she left nonetheless).


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## 21st Century Calvinist (Mar 20, 2009)

It would not be the sole issue that causes women to leave their husbands for other women. That being said I do know of women who have spoken of their husbands/boyfriends treating them more like an accessory rather than being a loving husband, being a major factor in their finding love and sexual fulfillment with the same sex.


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## Michael (Mar 20, 2009)

21st Century Calvinist said:


> It would not be the sole issue that causes women to leave their husbands for other women. That being said I do know of women who have spoken of their husbands/boyfriends treating them more like an accessory rather than being a loving husband, being a major factor in their finding love and sexual fulfillment with the same sex.


Do you accept this as more than just an excuse for a sinful and perverted lifestyle? I'm not excusing the man for mistreating the woman. But can he be to blame for her homosexual behavior?

Again, I ask, if your wife did not fulfill your needs would you want to run off with a man?


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## ChristianTrader (Mar 20, 2009)

reformed trucker said:


> Ezekiel16 said:
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Um Christ loves the church perfectly, but the church still looks elsewhere for fulfillment.

CT


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## SolaScriptura (Mar 20, 2009)

I contend that there certainly are many instances in which the man is not being the husband he should be.

But I add that in many cases, he isn't _able_ to be the husband he should be. We have a culture that encourages his wife to rebel... and this same culture will throw all its weight - legal if necessary - to prevent a man from being the head of the house in all its implications. If his wife wants to rebel... ultimately, after whining to her that she's not submitting, he can't do anything about it. 

And in our culture that has pandered to the sinfulness within women, I think the last stat was something like 75-80% of all "no fault" divorces are filed by the women... in many cases because the man wasn't "meeting their needs"... with the fear of their woman divorcing them and then raking them over the coals with antiquated and now unjust divorce laws... is there any wonder why even many Reformed books on marriage, and certainly just about all the broader evangelical books on the topic, have followed the culture by implicitly redefining marriage in terms of keeping the woman happy??? Our culture is definitely woman-centric now. 

In the midst of it there certainly are some women who truly want a godly man to lead them - I'd wager about 1% of them are on the PB! - but the vast majority, man, you can forget about it.

So you can blame the men if you want. But in this matter I think that there's only so much even a godly man can do in the face of the entire deck stacked against him. 

So sometimes it is because the man is a weak leader... but I'd say that easily just as often, the woman is rebellious.


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## lynnie (Mar 20, 2009)

"I'd be interested to hear what some of the ladies have to say on this subject..."

I am married to a man I love very much.

However, I know women who have been married to evil or rotten husbands and got divorced for one reason or another, and they've been looking for, or ended up with, other men.

I don't see how a rotten guy can make you long for an intimate sexual relationship with a woman. I would think it is far more common to wish you were married to a better guy. Mostly you wish the one you have would change.

I do know a girl who was regularly raped by her Dad between ages 8 & 12, and ended up lesbian. She said she just could not trust a man. I know another girl whose dad was incredibly wicked and selfish and had a sewer mouth, and she is struggling with her sexual identity and hates her father. But in both of these cases they didn't start out with a guy at first. 

The subject of demonology is not real popular in the Reformed community. But if we don't face the fact that there are unclean spirits- as well as sin natures- at work, I think we will fail to see the full scope of the problem. Some of this has got to be evil spirits if you ask me.


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## SolaScriptura (Mar 20, 2009)

21st Century Calvinist said:


> It would not be the sole issue that causes women to leave their husbands for other women. That being said I do know of women who have spoken of their husbands/boyfriends *treating them more like an accessory rather than being a loving husband*, being a major factor in their finding love and sexual fulfillment with the same sex.



I boldened the text on which I want to comment.

I read this and think, "Ok, this might possibly mean that he is a cold distant and harsh man. But, based on my vast experience... this is likely code for, "He didn't pander to me and worship me like a goddess and drop everything to do what I want when, where, and how I wanted it. So I went for someone who'd treat me the way I want to be treated."


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## reformed trucker (Mar 20, 2009)

Joshua said:


> Right, this might be better said:
> If a husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, Lord Willing, she would not look elsewhere for fulfillment (and then only by the grace of God).



Thank you. You said it better than I.

There is nothing new under the sun. Women having sex with women. Wow, really? Men having sex with men. Shocking! It's called the fallen sin nature. Big suprise.


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## Theognome (Mar 20, 2009)

SolaScriptura said:


> I know TWO evangelical chaplains whose wives left them for other women.



It happened to a pastor in the URCNA that I know personally. No one is safe from Christ haters.

Theognome


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## kvanlaan (Mar 20, 2009)

> I boldened the text on which I want to comment.
> 
> I read this and think, "Ok, this might possibly mean that he is a cold distant and harsh man. But, based on my vast experience... this is likely code for, "He didn't pander to me and worship me like a goddess and drop everything to do what I want when, where, and how I wanted it. So I went for someone who'd treat me the way I want to be treated."



And what is the cause? I would say that most often it is the siren-song of the world and its distractions that puts us there. We buy into (and feast on) the garbage fed to us on the radio/TV/internet/etc. Yes, I know, we are to be _in the world but not of the world_. 

I think those lines have been blurred and that is causing tremendous problems. 

Did Christ spend any time "in the world" that he was not speaking of the Kingdom of Heaven? He ate with tax collectors; do we think He talked about the games at the Coliseum in Rome? And what about us? I can hold up my hand as a guilty party on that one. Perhaps once a week I will bring up my faith with non-believing co-workers. It should instead continuously bubble out as a freshwater spring. But it is _so_ much easier to talk about funny videos that landed in our inboxes or the scandal of the day (be it inside the church or outside), or the latest movies or Lost or anything at all that is part of the white noise that Satan would love to fill our lives with. More interesting, more relevant, less inconvenient and less uncomfortable.

Sorry, didn't mean to be a wet blanket. But I honestly think that we are knee-deep in these waters where even my grandparents would have stayed off the beach altogether.


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## ww (Mar 20, 2009)

SolaScriptura said:


> I know TWO evangelical chaplains whose wives left them for other women.



 I know One myself however she returned by the Grace of God.


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## 21st Century Calvinist (Mar 20, 2009)

SolaScriptura said:


> 21st Century Calvinist said:
> 
> 
> > It would not be the sole issue that causes women to leave their husbands for other women. That being said I do know of women who have spoken of their husbands/boyfriends *treating them more like an accessory rather than being a loving husband*, being a major factor in their finding love and sexual fulfillment with the same sex.
> ...




I was thinking along the lines of the former. 
I am in no way excusing sin, but I think it can in part explain why there are some women who go down this road.


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## Rangerus (Mar 20, 2009)

other than hollywood, I haven't seen this happening. I must run in a very small circle.


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## Athaleyah (Mar 21, 2009)

This is something that hasn't been mentioned yet... has anyone looked at women's magazines like Cosmopolitan? Why are there scantily clad women on women's magazines? I've heard these magazines called "soft-core p*rn for women." I think this is pretty close to the truth, especially when you look at article content. Why should women want to look at sexy women? They shouldn't, yet they do. Women are innundated with these images everywhere they look. Magazines (you see them at the checkout counter whether you buy them or not), television (Victoria's Secret commercials anyone?), movies (even PG). These things are meant to influence us. And I think they do. If you show me a picture of a man in a speedo and a women in a string bikini, I am more comfortable looking at scantily clad woman than I am a man. Why should this be? I'm not a lesbian. Maybe because I see images that sexualize women all the time. I'm used to it. I doubt I am the only woman like this.

I am not saying that society makes people lesbians or homosexuals, but I do think that society makes people more comfortable with the idea. Even trying to watch a dance program I saw two women kissing. I used to be a psychologist (not the kind that sees patients, but the kind who does research and tells you things like "watching violent programs can make people with violent tendencies more likely to act on them." Duh, you may think. But someone had to prove it.) One study found that the more you encounter something, the more normal and acceptable you think it is, regardless of how often it actually occurs. So all the homosexuality in the media is telling people that it more normal and more acceptable every time they see it.

Combine that with a sin nature and the constant innundation of women with sexual imagery of women, and its not too far a step to have women deciding to try their hand at being lesbian and bisexual. Especially if you combine it with the feminism I had in college. I had a whole class with a book written by radical lesbian feminists about why men were awful and why women should turn to women. And this was at a small university in the midwest.

I don't claim this is the answer... but I think it is factor.


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## reformed trucker (Mar 21, 2009)

Rangerus said:


> I must run in a very small circle.



Dizzying, eh? 

-----Added 3/21/2009 at 12:43:13 EST-----



Ezekiel16 said:


> I'm not excusing the man for mistreating the woman. But can he be to blame for her homosexual behavior?



No.

-----Added 3/21/2009 at 12:47:38 EST-----



Ezekiel16 said:


> Again, I ask, if your wife did not fulfill your needs would you want to run off with a man?



No. My wife hasn't "met my needs" for almost 6 years. She wants nothing to do with church or the Bible. It is part of my sanctification process.

-----Added 3/21/2009 at 12:54:36 EST-----



ChristianTrader said:


> Um Christ loves the church perfectly, but the church still looks elsewhere for fulfillment.
> 
> CT



Correct. So... should I treat my wife like dirt because she might "switch to the other team?" (and she is not "the church"... just another fallen unredeemed sinner).


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## Anton Bruckner (Mar 21, 2009)

reformed trucker said:


> Ezekiel16 said:
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Then how did Israel in the OT apostatize?


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## OPC'n (Mar 21, 2009)

Rebellion against God and an underlining seething against men.


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## SolaScriptura (Mar 21, 2009)

21st Century Calvinist said:


> SolaScriptura said:
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You are not on safe ground assuming that. 

Why?

Because in our day and age, the majority of Christian men - and many non-Christian men as well - have become effeminate at least to the degree that they think of "being a good husband" in terms of trying to meet their wife's needs. Having that basic paradigm in place ensures that some degree of sensitivity is there. So while there still are some cold, distant men out there... they're the exception rather than the rule.


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## Rich Koster (Mar 21, 2009)

ChristianTrader said:


> Cynthia Nixon did it. Lindsay Lohan's doing it. TV shows are based on it. Is it our imaginations, or are wives and girlfriends ditching their men and falling in love with other women? New science says that sexuality is more fluid than we thought.
> 
> Why Women Are Leaving Men for Lesbian Relationships - Bisexuality - Oprah.com



New science is defective science....it leaves God out of the equation. We all have the sin nature...if it goes unchecked, homosexuality is just one facet of depravity that man (and woman) is capable of.


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## ZackF (Mar 21, 2009)

I think leaving a spouse (for anyone) is over mystified. Being a loving, faithful husband or wife does not render infidelity impossible. When the receiving spouse of marital immorality is judged, the cause of Christ is not served. A just, competant and dilligent manager can end up with business ruining employees. Covenant children can end up wreaking havoc on a family. Proverbial Biblical wisdom for peace and loving families is just that. It is not iron clad promises against all effects of the fallen world.


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## BJClark (Mar 21, 2009)

In reading one of the accounts in the article,




> "got up and gave me the better seat, as if wanting to take care of me. suggested they go out for dinner, chose a restaurant, made reservations, picked me up at my place—on time; And paid the bill.



Basically-- another woman took initiative to care for her as a woman; everything a man does early on in a relationship and marriage..but over the course of many marriages...tends to stop..

And in this case..and for many of these relationships...if another man were to have treated her the same way..the woman in this story did..she would have left for another man..not another woman..

but most men, are afraid to do these things out of fear of being called a chauvinist--they have had their proverbial hand slapped by so many women, even when they hold open a door or pull out a chair they hear the screeching words...."I can open my own door" "I can pull out my own chair" "I CAN DO THAT MYSELF" so many men have stopped doing those things..

but women know and understand that deep down..all women desire those things..even if some of them don't realize it--because it has been so long since men have acted like men...and they don't know how to react when they encounter it..

however, that is not always the reason..

I can remember the first time I experienced this issue of a seeing a wife leaving her husband for another woman..I was in 2nd grade..(before Nixon was President) my parents were friends with the couple, and we were friends w/ their children..she was loud and boisterous, rude, cutting in her words towards her husband and her kids, he was very jovial and friendly, kind hearted..she just had a streak of hatred and resentment towards men..and resented being a woman..ultimately her hate was towards God, (but I didn't understand that at the time) but she was a very bitter woman..


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