# Home made humour



## JohnV (Nov 18, 2005)

I thought I'd start a new thread just on jokes you made up yourself. You can't copy anyone else's joke, unless of course its a close friend, and you have it on reliable source that he made it up himself. 

_______
These two ants were walking down the sidewalk chatting. Suddenly this ladybug comes out of a bar shouting, "I'm an aunt, I'm an aunt!" 

The two ants look at each other, and run into the bar. "I'll have whatever she had" they both yelled at the bartender. 

___________

These two ants were going out to a restaurant for supper. The one says to the other, "What are you having tonight?" 
The other says, "Oh, I'll just have the usual."
"The usual? What do you mean the usual? You never have the same thing twice?" the first one asked with surprise. 
"Well, that's because I wait to see what I feel like. Whatever I feel like at the time, I'll have."
The first one paused, and then looked up in shock. 
"There's no way I'm going into the restaurant with you" he says.
"Why not?" asked the second one.
"Well, what if you feel like an ant?"


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## VictorBravo (Nov 18, 2005)

I commented to my wife on the night that President Clinton defeated the first President Bush:

"We've gone from blue blood to who blood."

Vic


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## jfschultz (Nov 18, 2005)

Wife: You're impossible!

Me: No, I am not impossible, maybe improbable but I do exist.

[Edited on 11-18-2005 by jfschultz]


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## Anton Bruckner (Nov 18, 2005)

:bigsmile::bigsmile:


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## pastorway (Nov 18, 2005)

I have a few home made jokes! Way jokes. 

I have an aunt who is blind. She wrote a book about it. The title of the book is "How to Get Around in the Dark." Her name? Opheila Way.

I have an uncle who is a missionary in Africa. He is from Texas and a little on the red neck side of things. His name? Zim Bob Way.

We can trace our family tree back to Jesus you know (DaVinci Code and all). Haven't you heard of A Way in the Manger?

This reminds me that several people have told me that I am a Way who tells the Truth, but desperately needs to get a Life.

If God blesses my wife and I with a son we want to name him Noah. Noah Way. Or if it is twins we thought about Dwight and Wong. You know, Dwight Way and Wong Way. Good preaching illustration ala OT Prohets there.

When I start telling these jokes in a crowd people usually groan and say "Get a way." I grab my wife and say, "Okay, got one. What do you want me to do with her?"

Sometimes they insist. "No, just GET A WAY." I reply, "I have been a Way all my life."

Want me to stop now???

YES WAY!




[Edited on 11-18-05 by pastorway]


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## VictorBravo (Nov 18, 2005)

No way is that Way cool.



Vic


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## JohnV (Nov 18, 2005)

Pastor Way, I don't think they're related to you but I met a rather opinionated fellow in Portugal one time. His name was Juan Way. His wife's name was Mia. 

[Sorry, but I just can't do much with my own name. Somehow it loses some humour if I put Vandervliet behind those names. Sure, it fits better, but its just not funny anymore. ]


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## cupotea (Nov 18, 2005)

The only problem I see, John, is your misspelling of the word "humor".


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## pastorway (Nov 18, 2005)

Juan...Mia.....

We had thought about a daughter names Ima.

Phillip

[Edited on 11-18-05 by pastorway]


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## JohnV (Nov 18, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Steadfast_
> The only problem I see, John, is your misspelling of the word "humor".



Canadian humour is not as funny as American humor. You have to think about it more, and then it loses some of its effect, once you have the spelling right. 

Phillip:

Have you thought about the name Upupanda?


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## pastorway (Nov 18, 2005)

Upupanda Way

that's a good one, we could call him "Clark" for short!

Phillip

[Edited on 11-19-05 by pastorway]


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## JohnV (Nov 19, 2005)

"Hi Lois."

 "Hi Clark. Can you cover the story on the runaway train for me?" 

 "Why, its your story. Don't you want it?" 

 "Nah. Superman has stopped so many runaway trains that its not news anymore. I need something that'll make the headlines."

 "What if he can't stop this one?" 

 "C'mon! Not stop a train? No Way."

The moral of the story: if there's a will to stop a train, there's a Way to do it. Therefore you should call him Will, not Clark.

_____________

I'm going to break my rule by a margin, and tell a saying my old grade 8 teacher used to use. He was always telling jokes, and he'd make the class laugh. But this one guy would always be the last one to laugh. It never missed. So the teacher would say, "Well, you know how the saying goes, 'He who laughs last...'"and then he'd pause, "'didn't get the joke.'"


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## pastorway (Nov 19, 2005)

Growing up I went by Phil and the saying was "Where there is a Phil there is a Way!"


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## Richard King (Nov 19, 2005)

> _Originally posted by pastorway_
> Upupanda Way
> 
> that's a good one, we could call him "Clark" for short!
> ...





I want you to get a pet lion!


Just so you can name it Oweema


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## pastorway (Nov 19, 2005)




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## JohnV (Nov 19, 2005)

Would you call this a running gag? 

No, that's two obsessive runners always at each others' throats.


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## pastorway (Nov 19, 2005)

I think it is WAY over the top myself.....


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## JohnV (Nov 19, 2005)

I didn't mean for it to run on like this, Phillip. I was hoping that some of us would just run on a joke or a gag, and that that we would have a laugh or two together. You've been really good about this. My hat's off to you, my friend.


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## pastorway (Nov 20, 2005)

so you are laughing with me, not at me, right???

:bigsmile:


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## LawrenceU (Nov 20, 2005)

You really should name a son 'William'. Where there's a Will there's a Way.


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## VirginiaHuguenot (Nov 22, 2005)

Q. What musical group does a Reformed sermon sound like when the audio tape is played very fast?

A. Calvin and the Chipmunks


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## biblelighthouse (Nov 22, 2005)

Jack: I just found out that the Song of Solomon is all about making love!

Joe: Yep. That proves God is a woman.

Jack: Huh? I thought it proved that God is a man.

Joe: Nope. If God was a man, then _all 66 books_ would have been about that . . .


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