Not open for further replies.

Christian Teegardin

Puritan Board Freshman
(I haven't been on the PuritanBoard for about 1/3 a year or so, and I have discovered more about myself... Will feature a bunch of random confessions, so be prepared... And personal concerns, of course.)

A: About Me

My name is Christian Lloyd Teegardin and I am an independent Calvinist (I was not raised into a Strict Baptist or Orthodox Presbyterian family at all, but a family who is opposed to my doctrinal beliefs.) who happens to like to write poetry and study theology.

I am a late-nighter, meaning I like to stay up at absurd times of the night, usually doing nothing at all, since I am frequently bored. (I will explain in Part B.)

I can be quite off the wall, but I am usually serious. I take life quite seriously and tend to not see humor in daily life events. I do not laugh often unless the jokes are obvious and dumb. (I will also explain in Part B.)

B: Quirks

I am a late-nighter because I have an untreated case of likely ADHD. I cannot will myself to do much, yet I can't stop moving around. My attention span is awful and I try not to be rude to people, but I am in such a hurry that I can completely ignore someone's presence. It can get to be pretty awful when my Mom is trying to talk to me about something.

I do not laugh often to subtle jokes because I have issues understanding subtleties. I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome at 2 years of age and it has defined my social life. I was like this for all of my life so I am no stranger to being isolated on a regular basis.

I am highly introverted so I find it exhausting to message people all the time. I enjoy attenion from people sometimes but other times, I would rather be alone, yet my likely ADHD complicates it by making my mind race at a million miles an hour. (Facetious.) Therefore I desire conversation to let off my lightning-speed mental processes. Unusual, but true.

I sometimes deal with mild derealization and sometimes life feels like a dream. Sometimes I feel like I don't exist and it can cause distress. It usually happens when I act fake around someone to keep the status quo, and it goes really well, and I end up not feeling right about myself and I feel like a phantom.

C: Confessions

Well... I bet some of you have remembered when I posted a few articles on Reformed/Calvinist doctrine. I had a picture of Spurgeon as my profile picture. Hey, this is me.

I confess to being somewhat prideful. I would say I was a fair bit narcissistic. (I am uncomfortable writing this... but I have to...) I fell to my cardinal weakness which was egotistical pride and intellectual narcissism. Of course, I believed everything I wrote, but I, in this weak and depraved soul of mine, humbly confess that I was seeking attention... I wanted to have status and I guess... I just... I sought after the wrong thing. I confess before all of you, my spiritual brethren, and especially before the Lord. Pray for my recovery.

My focus on Bible reading has been absurdly horrible and despite how much I want to read the Scripture, it's just... I completely space and forget my own will to read God's Word. For this reason, I have fallen prey to diverse temptations and have failed to resist them, and these sins I am ashamed of. Please keep me in your prayers. I need to get help for this.

D: Serious Issues (Asking for Advice)

These are issues that the reader should pray for immediately.

I struggle with living a double life on the Internet. I have done various iniquitous behaviors while living in this false fantasy world, and I feel really ashamed about it. People expect something of me and saying no is one of the hardest things to do. I have a bad habit of giving into people's immoral requests and I would like to have some advice on the matter.

I also have been struggling with constant depression and aches. I go to bed feeling really drowsy and I wake up feeling groggy, and it has been torture for the last year or so. I have been really weak physically also, barely able to do house chores without hyperventilating. It, in turn, has made my daily mood lower than average, a constant headache looming over me.

E: Blessings

God has blessed me with a renewed interest in the faith as of very recently. I thank Him for putting at least a little bit of that spark back into my life.

F: Closing

May our Lord Jesus Christ bless you all.


Unshaven and anonymous
Staff member
Welcome back, Christian, I remember you from before. My wife and I will certainly pray for you.

It sounds like you have a war on many fronts, and in everyone's spiritual warfare there is no overestimating the importance of patient persistence. Your description of your situation made some words from Spurgeon come to mind, to the effect that some temptations come to the diligent, but all temptations come to the idle. Is there anything that you could do more of, and tire yourself out doing? Boredom is an open window for temptation, but work does much to keep us out of trouble.

Christian Teegardin

Puritan Board Freshman
While waiting for my Mom and sister to come out from their teeth cleaning (I went first, if you're wondering...), I was reading Calvin's Institutes and meditating on what was good. I am definitely in a spiritual battle against myself and it is beyond difficult. One one front, I am this burgeoning Reformed saint (Christian) who will overcome my battles and love God more fully, and on another front, there's this depraved and wicked side of me that threatens to take over at any minute... The littlest trigger of temptation sends me into depravity and it is completely torturous to bear any longer.

And as of recently, I met this 'Christian' who, according to her, is a bisexual, a divorcee, and promiscuous. How do I handle these abominations to the name of Christ? I struggled with spiritual pride at that moment and I resisted the temptation to call her a hypocrite, a liar, a thief, and a blasphemer. I simply told her that only God could change her heart, and told her the conversation was over. We don't talk anymore because I can't tolerate her utter ignorance for God's word. She told me that she picks and chooses what she believes. I also told her that we worship a different God, which is true. She insisted that it was merely my opinion and I was disappointed. It hurt my pride slightly, but when I cast the pride off, I felt sad for her ignorance of the beauty of the truth of God and of Jesus Christ. It hurts to talk to those blinded to the truth and yet call themselves Christians. They're worse than outright atheists. I can actually talk to some atheists because they don't have a belief system. I still feel sad for them, though.

What do you think I should do when I encounter future 'Christians' who are like that?


Puritan Board Sophomore
Hi again Christian, I also remember your previous posts.

In regards to your friend, If she is a member of your congregation then there are mandates in God's word for approaching situations like this as a part of biblical church government. (Matt 18:15) You did well in keeping silence (please be gentle with people) If she is not a member of your church then at this stage I would reccomend praying for her and cease conversation for a while.

Now Christian, I understand your life is complicated and that you are unable to attend a Reformed Church at this time. I do not know how much support you receive from your current church and parents (I suspect it is a great deal) this is why I am torn in regards to your situation, for I see a young man who needs Godly Council and should be in a Confessional Reformed Church.

And finally,
Welcome back to PB Christian, :)

Christian Teegardin

Puritan Board Freshman
Thank you all for the welcoming replies. It has been a blessing and still is a blessing.

I also struggle with anger triggers... Looking for prayers for that too...

Sent from my SM-G7102 using Tapatalk
Not open for further replies.