Addressing a Critical Spirit

[Ben Mordecai]

I have been facing extreme hardship over the past two weeks and especially over the last week.

During this time I have come to realize that I have a critical spirit that I have had for a long time without realizing it. What I mean is that often I notice what is wrong in something or someone and highlight it relentlessly, and defend my position, often to the exclusion of what is good. I am generally insensitive to people who are in the wrong. What makes this more difficult is that I tend to have very high levels of clarity on why I believe myself right and can defend myself pretty well. On these issues, I still believe I am right! I am just realizing that I harbor this disposition of being critical that gets taken out on others, especially when they are unwilling to listen to my reasons and address them.

From the general standpoint of the fact that we should always be seeking sanctification, of course I need to change. However, more than that, my life is in shambles right now and I have justifiable fears that my life will come crashing down if I cannot purge this critical spirit from me immediately.

I have been struggling to read, struggling for basic functioning in life due to the hardships I am facing. I am hoping someone has some words of help and some recommended resources.

 

[Taylor]

Dear Brother,

I don’t have any specific recommendations in terms of resources off the top of my head, but I do have this...

Be encouraged by the fact that you have noticed these things about yourself, have remorse, and are reaching outfor input. This is a sign of godly sorrow, brother. I would be worried if you were recalcitrant and hardened toward your sin, but you have expressed frustration and sorrow over it, and have also been honest about how even now as you typed this post you still possess a critical spirit. Be encouraged by this, and pray that the Lord would give you strength and humility. I will be praying for you, as well.

Let’s get coffee or something soon.

In Christ,

 

[Ben Mordecai]

Dear Brother,

I don’t have any specific recommendations in terms of resources off the top of my head, but I do have this...

Be encouraged by the fact that you have noticed these things about yourself, have remorse, and are reaching outfor input. This is a sign of godly sorrow, brother. I would be worried if you were recalcitrant and hardened toward your sin, but you have expressed frustration and sorrow over it, and have also been honest about how even now as you typed this post you still possess a critical spirit. Be encouraged by this, and pray that the Lord would give you strength and humility. I will be praying for you, as well.

Let’s get coffee or something soon.

In Christ,

I would love that.

 

[Ryan&Amber2013]

It's good to hear of your humbleness. Consider Paul's words of how knowledge can puff up, but love builds up. Let love be the law of your life, ever thinking about how more can be made of others, and less of yourself. In most things in life, your character is going to be your greatest influence of good. If you need to, repent to those who have been affected by your sins. As well, make the most of your change of mind by making it a change of life. We all have regrets, and have displayed character we wish we never would have. Take comfort in that your sins are forgiven in Christ, and pursue virtue with all you are.

 

[Ask Mr. Religion]

Ben.

Kent Hughes comments on Matthew 7:1-5:

A critical spirit, a judgmental, condemning spirit, is endemic to the human situation. The media, our social relationships, our schooling, and our work situations are immersed in it. And though we often joke about it, experiencing it is most unpleasant. Few things are more exhausting and debilitating than harsh, unloving criticism.

Even sadder, the church of Jesus Christ is itself full of those who make a habit of criticism and condemnation. Some seem to think their critical spirit is a spiritual gift. But the Lord does not agree. In the opening verses of Matthew 7 (the final chapter of the Sermon on the Mount), our Lord sets the record straight in no uncertain terms. He tells us how we should relate to our brothers and sisters in this matter of judgmentalism, especially in respect to the fact that we will all undergo a final judgment.

…When a critic discovers faults in another, he feels a malignant satisfaction and always sees the worst possible motives in the other’s actions. The critical spirit is like the carrion fly that buzzes with a sickening hum of satisfaction over sores, preferring corruption to health.

…We see critical spirits all around us—in our media, in our schools, in our social relationships. But it should not be a part of the church. May God purge it from our lives and from our churches. We would each do well to ask ourselves, who have I been critical of this week? Has my focus on their faults blinded me to my own? Then we need to ask God to help us see ourselves as we are.
(R. Kent Hughes, The Sermon on the Mount: The Message of the Kingdom)​

 

[Grant]

Ben,

I am sorry to hear of your current state. I am thankful that you recognize it.

The best advise I could give, specifically to you mentioning hardships, is to run to the Psalms. I have been reading through the Psalms recently and I was instantly reminded of how truly they speak to the song of our souls amidst a variety of outward circumstances. I read the below just yesterday.

Psalm 27: 14
"14 Wait for the LORD;

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

wait for the LORD!"

 

[a mere housewife]

I read some good mini-books that Ruben had lying around this past week that might perhaps encourage and give some practical help -- one was called 'Conflict, A Redemptive Opportunity' by Timothy S. Lane. I thought it was excellent. Another was called 'How to Love Difficult People' by William P. Smith. Both are available from CBD or I think, from Amazon. Of course we are all difficult people! And we are relentlessly loved by God. I think the best blessing I am conscious of lately that He is my teacher -- showing me my sins, helping me see them and make changes, is a huge purpose in trial. But worthwhile. He is making us good and loving like Himself, and there is nothing better that could happen to us.

 

[ZackF]

I have been facing extreme hardship over the past two weeks and especially over the last week.

During this time I have come to realize that I have a critical spirit that I have had for a long time without realizing it. What I mean is that often I notice what is wrong in something or someone and highlight it relentlessly, and defend my position, often to the exclusion of what is good. I am generally insensitive to people who are in the wrong. What makes this more difficult is that I tend to have very high levels of clarity on why I believe myself right and can defend myself pretty well. On these issues, I still believe I am right! I am just realizing that I harbor this disposition of being critical that gets taken out on others, especially when they are unwilling to listen to my reasons and address them.

From the general standpoint of the fact that we should always be seeking sanctification, of course I need to change. However, more than that, my life is in shambles right now and I have justifiable fears that my life will come crashing down if I cannot purge this critical spirit from me immediately.

I have been struggling to read, struggling for basic functioning in life due to the hardships I am facing. I am hoping someone has some words of help and some recommended resources.

A few quick observations on this emotionally draining and challenging time for you. I've found it helpful to implement a short, medium and long term strategy. You seem to have great self-awareness, even brokenness over your sins. Kudos to Taylor for being will to meet up. Men don't always do this enough. I can't add to the spiritual advice given and I think it most pertains to the medium and long term pieces.

I have a suggestion for short term. You need to put some time between your thoughts and your actions (or words). This, as you know, is an immediate issue with little wiggle room. There are techniques that can help you to catch up with your anger and frustration before you do or say something inappropriate. I'd suggest checking into some secular mindfulness training. This doesn't directly address the root spiritual cause but it will buy you some time and compliment the advice and care from godly men. Your accountability partner, elder, group or person bible studies, quiet time and so forth do you little good when you're triggered in the moment. These skills and techniques help you deal with knee jerk behavior and compulsions. I've used mindfulness to help with ADHD symptoms. Use discernment of course. Just basic mindfulness meditation to the breath is the easiest practice to build attention awareness.