Advice on Marriage Time

[bconway52]

I have talked about these things with an elder and will be doing so with our preaching pastor and a few other men, but wanted to ask the advice of the Puritanboard...the more good advice I receive the better!

I will graduate with a B.S. of Religion from Liberty University in the summer of 08. I have started my own business selling used books and have been doing that for about a year. Its a pretty good job and makes a decent amount of money. I have been dating the girl whom I want to marry for almost 2.5 years and wish to marry her, my question is when should I? I was planning on proposing sometime near the end of this month and us getting married in the summer of 08. My plans for the future are: run the book business for money and, Lord willing, go to seminary as I feel called to the ministry.

My dilemma is this: one of the elders I spoke to suggested I hold off engagement until I figure out the seminary thing (which could be a year away). Should I focus on finishing school and the business so we can get married and wait on seminary until after we are married giving us some time to be married before seminary? Sexual purity is important to me and God has given the institution of marriage as a way to be pure. I do not think its wise for us to delay marriage for too long.

What do you think? If you need more info, just ask...I'm sure this post was pretty scattered as I just typed out my thoughts.

Thank you for any help!

Bradley

 

[RamistThomist]

Depends on how much you really want to go to seminary. It is tough on young, married couples (okay, it is tough on anybody. You have two choices in seminary: Single and poor or Married and poor).

If you are dead-set on going to seminary, heed the advice of your elders. If you are so-so on seminary and don't know when in the next 3 years, go ahead and get married.

 

[bconway52]

Why would it be best to delay marriage for seminary? If I waited until completing seminary that's 3-4 years. I'm most likely going to be doing the seminary through my denomination's seminary via correspondence with my pastor as my mentor...so that too should be considered.

 

[Southern Presbyterian]

Bradley,

I'm assuming that you are talking about the elders at Chalcedon and would recommend that you heed the advise of those who know you and your situation best.

I know 3 others who are currently studying for the ministry through our denomination's seminary program, two are married and one is single. It is more of a struggle for the married men, but also keep in mind that these are both men who were married long before they were called into the ministry. Just because the studies are by correspondence does not mean they will be any easier or less time consuming. I know most of your future teachers and while they will take your situation into consideration I know for a fact that they will not hold you to a lesser standard than any of the other ministerial students just because you are married.

I will pray for you in this matter and will ask the Lord to give you, your elders, and your future wife great wisdom in these matters.

Blessings,

 

[bconway52]

Everyone, thank you for your replies!

James,

Thank you for your reply! We had your pastor, Jeff Black, preaching at our church today and I got to meet him as both he and his wife joined us for lunch at another church family's home. He's a great man and a powerful preacher! Its great that the RPCUS is so greatly linked and its wonderful when we get to meet and spend time with each other! Thank you for the prayers.

Bradley

 

[DMcFadden]

I agree that you should listen to the advice of the elders/pastor. My experience has been as follows:

* married at the end of my junior year of Christian college to high school sweetheart of 3 years (also a student at the same college).
* we both did seminary (me for the M.Div., her for the M.A.) together.
* we had our first of five children during our second year in seminary.
* two of our sons married at the end of their junior year in Christian colleges (one went on to earn a M.A. in Ministry; the other went on to obtain a MBA, then a JD; the first began having kids during seminary; the second had his son just before completing law school magna cum laude while his wife completed a masters in management).
* one of our daughters completed seminary (masters in spiritual formation to work with teenage girls) came back from the mission field after a year term to marry a fellow who served as a missionary to another part of the world. They married one year ago today. Now he is program director of an inner city Christian center and she teaches in a large Christian high school.

My personal philosophy (partly for reasons of purity) is that when the who is decided the when should be soon.

All of the marriages desscribed above are healthy, happy, growing, and evidently glorifying God. All three of my children mentioned married virgins as virgins. I am not sure if that would have been the case if I advised them to wait another three years before getting married. I would press the elders and pastor on the logic of waiting that many more years. They know you best and may have valid reasons for it.

 

[Kevin]

Brad, it is better to marry then to burn.

Ask your pastor if he would have delayed his own nuptials based on the advice of his elders. My own memory is that was not very likely.

Trust God,

Follow your vocation,

Pax,

 

[Semper Fidelis]

I think you should heed the advice of your Elders and Pastors, as you have already endeavored to do.

 

[Herald]

I think you should heed the advice of your Elders and Pastors, as you have already endeavored to do.

to your