Caroline
Puritan Board Sophomore
I thought that title would get some attention. And since you are reading this, I must have succeeded. 
I heard some interesting comments from a pastor who has ministered for more than ten years, in which he said that he wonders whether sometimes the commiseration of ministers drifts into the realm of whininess, that 'burn-out' can be a euphemism for "I don't want to fulfill my responsibilities," and that ministers ought to remember that no one had a gun to their head when they signed up for this job, and that they should have realized it involved caring for a bunch of sinners and wouldn't always be an easy road.
I think the guy in question would definitely grant that pastoring can be a tough job, and I know that he has had some serious trials in his own ministry along the way, so he wasn't just looking to be offensive. I suspect he was partly talking to himself to remind himself to stick to the task at hand.
But that got me thinking about whininess in general.
In regard to pastors, I don't feel like I'm in a position to make sweeping judgments. I will readily admit that they have a job that I wouldn't want, and I am generally inclined to be sympathetic. However, there is something to be said for courage. If a soldier complains too much that guns make him nervous and standing watch is a dull and chilly business, we say, "Well, what did you think you were signing up for? A Caribbean cruise? Now, pull it together, and stick to your post, you big baby!" And I suppose the same could be said about pastors, but I wouldn't want to be the one to make individual judgments about that.
But more generally, where do you think legitimate complaint turns into whining? We all have trials and burdens, and some are really serious, and yet even the serious ones deteriorate into self-pity at certain points. A few years ago, I knew a young woman who had a disability which was no doubt a real challenge to her, and yet it had turned into a never-ending litany of complaints, wailing, and selfishness. No one ever understood her terrible plight in life, apparently, even those (including her husband and pastor) who ran in circles trying to make her happy. Nothing was ever enough for her, because she was still disabled, and therefore believed herself perfectly justified in making everyone else miserable. There is a legitimate complaint that can be made regarding disability, and a real hardship involved, and I don't think anyone would start by saying, "Oh, stop whining." In fact, it sounds rather heartless. And yet, at some point, one MUST say, "Look, nobody wants to be around you because all you do is cry about how unfair your life is. We've all got problems. Find something constructive to do with your time."
I have often wondered this even about support groups. Can they eventually become destructive if they turn into an open venting forum for people who are tempted to constantly bewail their lot in life? I found one ex-cultist group to be unhealthy for myself, as it seemed in the long-run to tempt me to become more paranoid about life than to actually recover from difficult experiences. And yet, there is something to be said for talking to people who can relate, and I do think some of that was helpful.
How do you judge whether you cross the line between healthy expression and criticism to complaining and self-pity? It's difficult, because nearly every form of disagreement could be accused of complaining, even if it is absolutely justified. And yet people always FEEL justified while they are whining, even when they are just grumbling to no purpose. And generally, if one is suffering is it better to talk to those who suffer similarly and so "understand"? Or does that inevitably deteriorate into an open forum for whining?
Thoughts? (And I ask this not so much to accuse pastors, but in considering my own life and my temptation to whine about life's inequities).
I heard some interesting comments from a pastor who has ministered for more than ten years, in which he said that he wonders whether sometimes the commiseration of ministers drifts into the realm of whininess, that 'burn-out' can be a euphemism for "I don't want to fulfill my responsibilities," and that ministers ought to remember that no one had a gun to their head when they signed up for this job, and that they should have realized it involved caring for a bunch of sinners and wouldn't always be an easy road.
I think the guy in question would definitely grant that pastoring can be a tough job, and I know that he has had some serious trials in his own ministry along the way, so he wasn't just looking to be offensive. I suspect he was partly talking to himself to remind himself to stick to the task at hand.
But that got me thinking about whininess in general.
In regard to pastors, I don't feel like I'm in a position to make sweeping judgments. I will readily admit that they have a job that I wouldn't want, and I am generally inclined to be sympathetic. However, there is something to be said for courage. If a soldier complains too much that guns make him nervous and standing watch is a dull and chilly business, we say, "Well, what did you think you were signing up for? A Caribbean cruise? Now, pull it together, and stick to your post, you big baby!" And I suppose the same could be said about pastors, but I wouldn't want to be the one to make individual judgments about that.
But more generally, where do you think legitimate complaint turns into whining? We all have trials and burdens, and some are really serious, and yet even the serious ones deteriorate into self-pity at certain points. A few years ago, I knew a young woman who had a disability which was no doubt a real challenge to her, and yet it had turned into a never-ending litany of complaints, wailing, and selfishness. No one ever understood her terrible plight in life, apparently, even those (including her husband and pastor) who ran in circles trying to make her happy. Nothing was ever enough for her, because she was still disabled, and therefore believed herself perfectly justified in making everyone else miserable. There is a legitimate complaint that can be made regarding disability, and a real hardship involved, and I don't think anyone would start by saying, "Oh, stop whining." In fact, it sounds rather heartless. And yet, at some point, one MUST say, "Look, nobody wants to be around you because all you do is cry about how unfair your life is. We've all got problems. Find something constructive to do with your time."
I have often wondered this even about support groups. Can they eventually become destructive if they turn into an open venting forum for people who are tempted to constantly bewail their lot in life? I found one ex-cultist group to be unhealthy for myself, as it seemed in the long-run to tempt me to become more paranoid about life than to actually recover from difficult experiences. And yet, there is something to be said for talking to people who can relate, and I do think some of that was helpful.
How do you judge whether you cross the line between healthy expression and criticism to complaining and self-pity? It's difficult, because nearly every form of disagreement could be accused of complaining, even if it is absolutely justified. And yet people always FEEL justified while they are whining, even when they are just grumbling to no purpose. And generally, if one is suffering is it better to talk to those who suffer similarly and so "understand"? Or does that inevitably deteriorate into an open forum for whining?
Thoughts? (And I ask this not so much to accuse pastors, but in considering my own life and my temptation to whine about life's inequities).
