Being on a bed with the opposite sex

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T.U.L.I.P. TYLER

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I know and have friends who lay in bed with there fiances or what not (they are Christians). They are not sexually active, not even lusting or what not from what they tell me and what I see, but is this ok? Is it ok to be in bed with your fiance to like watch a movie and is it ok to sleep in the same bed maybe like a nap, if you are not sexually active or lusting etc?

I feel convicted on this issue as a no for the last question but just curious to see the Biblical support that I may be not paying attention to.

:)

ps. hope this is in the right place
 
Tyler, per the Board rules, please fix your signature as follows (the edit feature is found under the User CP menu across the top):

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William
Ruling Elder, PCA
Fort Worth, TX
 
The Bible says "Flee youthful lusts." It's hard to imagine taking a nap with your fiance, or hanging out on a bed together, without having at least one twinge of lust. Why tempt yourself?

My :2cents:
 
Biblical wisdom is not always going to come to you in the form of apodictic (thou shall, though shall not) teaching from the Scriptures.

Without trying to create a one-to-one correspondence to the passage, Proverbs 4-6 gives general "father to son" talk about what is prudent in given situations. It describes what many of us older guys with some sinful scars from the indiscretions of our youth can testify to: don't put yourself in situations where you have to avoid being tempted into sexual sin.

My advice to you is that it's a bad idea for wisdom's sake.
 
My Advice...

is get council, and if through council, you have support...get married fast!
 
Biblical wisdom is not always going to come to you in the form of apodictic (thou shall, though shall not) teaching from the Scriptures.

Without trying to create a one-to-one correspondence to the passage, Proverbs 4-6 gives general "father to son" talk about what is prudent in given situations. It describes what many of us older guys with some sinful scars from the indiscretions of our youth can testify to: don't put yourself in situations where you have to avoid being tempted into sexual sin.

My advice to you is that it's a bad idea for wisdom's sake.

awesome advice
 
The Bible says "Flee youthful lusts." It's hard to imagine taking a nap with your fiance, or hanging out on a bed together, without having at least one twinge of lust. Why tempt yourself?

My :2cents:

My only thought about this is that it doesn't take laying on a bed watching TV for people to have lustful thoughts. That can happen when the two people are in a roomful of other people. I think the real issue is whether they have an agreement on what the boundaries are, and if they think they will be too tempted, then they shouldn't stay in a room alone. I don't really think the bed is that much more dangerous than a sofa, floor, or even a futon.;)
 
Is it sinful to lie on the same bed to watch or TV, or even sleep in the same bed before marriage? Strictly speaking, no. But as Rich and others have said, simply because it is permissible doesn't mean it is wise. I would advise against it, because the Bible very clearly teaches us to flee temptation ("If your right hand causes you to sin..."). Now, if you and your fiancee (or your friends) are mature enough to be among the few who would not be tempted by lying or sleeping next to their loved one in bed before marriage, then so be it. But I think most of us would feel strong temptation and would be put in an unnecessarily difficult situation in that context...
 
The Bible says "Flee youthful lusts." It's hard to imagine taking a nap with your fiance, or hanging out on a bed together, without having at least one twinge of lust. Why tempt yourself?

My :2cents:

My only thought about this is that it doesn't take laying on a bed watching TV for people to have lustful thoughts. That can happen when the two people are in a roomful of other people. I think the real issue is whether they have an agreement on what the boundaries are, and if they think they will be too tempted, then they shouldn't stay in a room alone. I don't really think the bed is that much more dangerous than a sofa, floor, or even a futon.;)

The difference is that there isn't room for two people to lie down on a sofa together in an innocent way. If you're that tempted, then, as you said, don't be in a room alone together. But the problem with a bed is that it's easy for the situation gradually to become more compromising.

Even if it doesn't result in lust, it's still likely to be emotionally inappropriate. It just strikes me as too emotionally intimate for an unmarried couple.
 
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I don't understand why the tv is in the bedroom, but with that aside, why do people have others in their private rooms? What is wrong with the living room? If the visitor is that tired that they need a nap, then they should go home and get some proper sleep before going over to visit someone. It seems like people who are doing this are getting too acquainted with the other person. A bedroom really should be off limits to adults of the opposite sex unless they are married, because it signifies intimacy. Even as children we were not allowed into my parents' bedroom unless permission was given. Bedrooms do not bred sin, but it is a special place reserved for those who belong in it.
 
My daughter will have permission to sit in a chair on one side of the room while her fiance sits in a chair in another room. I have no problem with that.
 
I don't understand why the tv is in the bedroom, but with that aside, why do people have others in their private rooms? What is wrong with the living room? If the visitor is that tired that they need a nap, then they should go home and get some proper sleep before going over to visit someone. It seems like people who are doing this are getting too acquainted with the other person. A bedroom really should be off limits to adults of the opposite sex unless they are married, because it signifies intimacy. Even as children we were not allowed into my parents' bedroom unless permission was given. Bedrooms do not bred sin, but it is a special place reserved for those who belong in it.

Yes, that's exactly what I meant, but you said it more concisely! If women are less likely to lust in this situation, they are maybe more likely to feel too much emotional intimacy because of what the scenario signifies. I am not married, so I don't really know, but I feel that this could be a problem even for engaged couples; there is a degree of emotional intimacy that should be reserved for marriage, precisely because it shouldn't be separated from physical intimacy. There are aspects of this that I certainly cannot understand at all, but I've heard some stories about others' marriages that led me to this conclusion.
 
I know and have friends who lay in bed with there fiances or what not (they are Christians). They are not sexually active, not even lusting or what not from what they tell me and what I see, but is this ok? Is it ok to be in bed with your fiance to like watch a movie and is it ok to sleep in the same bed maybe like a nap, if you are not sexually active or lusting etc?

I feel convicted on this issue as a no for the last question but just curious to see the Biblical support that I may be not paying attention to.

:)

ps. hope this is in the right place

Only in our epoch do we have to even ask these questions that most unbelievers in the past had the correct answers. Generations of people until about fifty years ago understood why unmarried couples should not be alone in bed or even at all. My future bride and I have had to draw up our own guidelines for our conduct because the social contructs for men and women are gone. If one isn't deliberate about doing so the bar is no doubt set too low and trouble is the result.
 
Only in our epoch do we have to even ask these questions that most unbelievers in the past had the correct answers. Generations of people until about fifty years ago understood why unmarried couples should not be alone in bed or even at all. My future bride and I have had to draw up our own guidelines for our conduct because the social contructs for men and women are gone. If one isn't deliberate about doing so the bar is no dobout set too low and trouble will result.

I agree and this is true for the most part. There is a notable and extremely odd exception:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bundling_(tradition)
 
Only in our epoch do we have to even ask these questions that most unbelievers in the past had the correct answers. Generations of people until about fifty years ago understood why unmarried couples should not be alone in bed or even at all. My future bride and I have had to draw up our own guidelines for our conduct because the social contructs for men and women are gone. If one isn't deliberate about doing so the bar is no dobout set too low and trouble will result.

I agree and this is true for the most part. There is a notable and extremely odd exception:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bundling_(tradition)

That is why I said most. LOL. Eunichs were also eunichs for a reason. ;)
 
My daughter will have permission to sit in a chair on one side of the room while her fiance sits in a chair in another room. I have no problem with that.

My daughter...when the Lord provides, will be on one side of the room playing one piano, her male suitor will be playing another piano on the other side of the room. Their minds are active, their hands are active, and all the while they can talk to one another. (This is very similar to your proposal...with a slight twist.) :lol:
 
It makes more sense to look for a natural gas leak with a Zippo lighter. I can't even believe that a Christian would propose the question. I assume they are either immature or very influenced by the world. Engaged or not it is entirely in appropriate; yes, I will say sinful.

Any male who proposed such to a young lady has no respect for her or her parents. If by some stretch of the imagination the young man who would some day be engaged to my daughter suggested such activity that he would no longer be my future son-in-law; and might very well require medical attention.

I wrote 'stretch of the imagination' because we intend to be very critical of the young men who court our daughter.
 
I have known of similar things happening with no ill effect, e.g., two engaged people fell asleep together on a couch, but no harm came of it: and I have known of cousins engaging in sexual abuse in such a situation.
 
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