Children's "sleepover parties"

[Jesus is my friend]

Hi
My wife and I were not raised as believers and are leaning a great deal about how Christian families live out life and where liberties and disciplines should play out in how we train up our children,and we are wondering how other believers feel about girls sleepover parties,now I understand there could be a variety of differing ideas on what a sleepover could be,so I'm clueless on this one and I need a little wisdom: good idea/bad idea any feedback would be appreciated-Thanks

 

[paculina]

How old are the girls? Sleepovers at 7 are different than sleepovers at 13 or 15!

In any case, when I was a kid, the rules for being allowed to attend sleepovers were there had to be adults present and no boys.

 

[Jack K]

Our kids are 10 and 8. They only do these at homes of a few friends whom we know well and are part of the church. Even then, we ask questions first. Will there be TV or a movie on? What movie? When will they go to bed? Some of our friends probably think we're a bit protective, but that's actually a good reputation to have. I'd encourage you to develop a reputation among the parents of your kids' friends as someone who cares what your kids are up to and wants to be informed about it.

Around here watching a movie on TV seems to be a must-do at sleepovers, so the content of those is one of the big things we watch for. We also limit sleepovers to the homes of close friends, nearby, and a small group of kids. So far so good.

 

[MarieP]

I used to have sleepovers quite a bit, and yes, parents were always present and, of course

NO BOYS ALLOWED!!!

Eating pizza and brownies at 3 am after curling one anothers' hair and playing the original Nintendo all night long!!

As I look at the clock, I realize how late it is...I usually go to bed at 11 pm! I think sleepovers started losing their fun when I worked on papers all night and then started work and realized how much of a gift sleep is!

 

[Brother John]

I have no idea about girls but the only thing that comes to mind when I think back on the "sleep overs" from when I was younger ...... Trouble. That's all we got into. Late at night with adults sleeping. I am surprised I did not go to jail or the hospital. But then again we were pretty wild so you may want to take my comments with a grain of salt.

 

[Jesus is my friend]

How old are the girls? Sleepovers at 7 are different than sleepovers at 13 or 15!

In any case, when I was a kid, the rules for being allowed to attend sleepovers were there had to be adults present and no boys.

Our girl is 5 yrs. old and her friend is the same,if it would happen,a mother would be present,and no boys would be allowed.

 

[LawrenceU]

We have only very rarely allowed our daughter to go to sleep overs. Stipulations included:

We know ALL of the children and their parents involved and approve of them
We know all of the planned activities / entertainment and approve of them.
There will be at least one adult up with them for the entire time that they are up and that she be involved in all of their activities
We know what they will be eating

Those are only the base line.

In pastoral counseling over the years I can't tell you how many times I have had to deal with things that were done at sleepovers that took place in 'Christian Homes'. Things involving adults and/or other children are more common than you might think.

 

[Kim G]

I used to sleep over at friends' houses, but I was a responsible girl, even when I was 8 or 9. My parents were very strict, and these girls were close friends from church who happened to have looser standards than my parents did. If friends brought out music or movies that my parents wouldn't approve of, I'd say I couldn't participate. If the parents watched something on tv that I wasn't allowed to watch, I left the room. We all had a good time playing with the dog in the back yard, helping the mom cook supper, giving each other pedicures, playing hide and seek, singing around the piano, and talking in bed until we fell asleep.

If you are concerned about something, try being the host family and let your child have friends to your home. You can choose the movie, buy the snacks, set the bedtime, and keep an eye out. If your child obeys you in those circumstances, and the friends are respectful, you may feel more comfortable letting your child spend the night outside your home the next time.

So I'd say, know your child, know the family you're leaving your child with, set ground rules appropriately, and let them have fun!

 

[Brother John]

If you are concerned about something, try being the host family and let your child have friends to your home.

I heard Paul Tripp (Paul Tripp Ministries) tell the story that there son and all his buddies were big into skateboarding. So they had a big professional skate ramp installed in the backyard and if I remember correctly they lived in the city and it took up almost the whole backyard. He said it wasn't pretty but it made them the center of action for all the kids. Paul would sit on the back porch and cheer them on and quickly he became the "counselor" of many of the young men. He then went on to tell us that it was not uncommon for him to be walking down the sidewalk and a man would run up to him and introduce himself as one of the skateboard kids from his backyard. Many of them would go on to tell him that thanks to him and there talks at the skateboard ramp they were now believers. Paul obviously tells the story better than I do but it does illustrate how going out of your way to make your home the center of the action and you being involved can be greatly used to change the lives of young men and woman.

---------- Post added at 12:34 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:24 PM ----------

If you are concerned about something, try being the host family and let your child have friends to your home.

I heard Paul Tripp (Paul Tripp Ministries) tell the story that there son and all his buddies were big into skateboarding. So they had a big professional skate ramp installed in the backyard and if I remember correctly they lived in the city and it took up almost the whole backyard. He said it wasn't pretty but it made them the center of action for all the kids. Paul would sit on the back porch and cheer them on and quickly he became the "counselor" of many of the young men. He then went on to tell us that it was not uncommon for him to be walking down the sidewalk and a man would run up to him and introduce himself as one of the skateboard kids from his backyard. Many of them would go on to tell him that thanks to him and there talks at the skateboard ramp they were now believers. Paul obviously tells the story better than I do but it does illustrate how going out of your way to make your home the center of the action and you being involved can be greatly used to change the lives of young men and woman.

 

[David'sBeloved]

We have a rule of no sleepovers. You can not be 100% sure what the other child(ren) has been exposed to. If they are left alone at ALL there could be experimenting that goes on. Also, are there any older siblings or family members that may be there? Most m*lestation happens with people the children know and trust. Honestly, when you look at the numbers that 1 in 4 girls will be m*lested I think it is wise of us to do our part in protecting our children. Even the most conservative of families can and do have things like this happen but rarely discuss it and don't realize that most children this happens to will in turn do this to others (or want to share their new found knowledge with their friends in secret). We strongly believe in doing our part as parents to protect our children. Why do they have to spend the night to have fun? Why not get together as a family or even have a mom/daughter sleep over party?

Even if nothing this extreme happens, there is usually a lot of foolishness that goes on (and no, I'm not talking about fun, I mean foolishness). So, at the very least I would suggest making sure the mom will be with them the whole time until the are actually asleep (assuming you trust this woman implicitly).

 

[Tripel]

We're not at that age yet with our kids, but I'm sure we will allow it assuming we know and trust the parents involved. Right now, my daughter's friends are the kids of our friends at church, so naturally I would let her sleep over at their houses. As our kids get older and make friends that we don't know so well, we will have to implement some new policies.

Until then, I second the recommendation of others to make the effort to be the one hosting such activities.