Daniel M.
Puritan Board Freshman
Does anyone here ever have seasons in his walk with the Father where His Word, beauty and majesty are overwhelming? In the last few months, God has allowed me to see the depth and width of my depravity and it's given me unceasing sorrow. Still, this sorrow comes with a deep joy because of how much it forces me to search the Scriptures, pray and focus on the Father.
For the last few weeks, I've shed at least a few tears a day; a welling up of longing for Christ and His company, awe at His faithfulness, and a fear for the power of His Word. I think this makes me strange, and I wipe tears away at church like crazy. I'm sure other men cry, especially when the Spirit of God comes upon them, but I think my frequency in this puts me on a different level.
I sometimes worry that it's because of an irrational period of emotion and a deceptive heart. These spurts of emotion can come during strange times, indeed. Take, for example, when I was reading the following:
"Then the Lord said to me, 3 ‘You have been traveling around this mountain country long enough. Turn northward 4 and command the people, “You are about to pass through the territory of gyour brothers, the people of Esau, who live in Seir; and they will be afraid of you. So be very careful. 5 Do not contend with them, for I will not give you any of their land, no, not so much as for the sole of the foot to tread on, because I have given Mount Seir to Esau as a possession." (Deut. 2:2-5, ESV)
As I meditated on this, I was struck by a notion: how remarkable is the faithfulness of God. The vigor with which he regarded Esau's portion is incredible. I see a portrait of a man prepared for destruction and passed over, a man whose eternal judgment from God was in progress, a man whose descendants would haunt the elect of God for generations, and even still, God proclaims His decree with resounding steadfastness. Imagine if it was one of us. I'd probably have Moses and the gang destroying every inch of that land! But it just isn't who God is. He will uphold His decree, and He will do it in His might, freely, all by Himself, no matter what we do or what we say.
I choked up at the thought: "This God calls me 'child'."
Anywho - does anyone else get like this? If not, please keep me in your prayers. I want to behold God the way God wants to be beheld.
Thank you, brethren!!
For the last few weeks, I've shed at least a few tears a day; a welling up of longing for Christ and His company, awe at His faithfulness, and a fear for the power of His Word. I think this makes me strange, and I wipe tears away at church like crazy. I'm sure other men cry, especially when the Spirit of God comes upon them, but I think my frequency in this puts me on a different level.
I sometimes worry that it's because of an irrational period of emotion and a deceptive heart. These spurts of emotion can come during strange times, indeed. Take, for example, when I was reading the following:
"Then the Lord said to me, 3 ‘You have been traveling around this mountain country long enough. Turn northward 4 and command the people, “You are about to pass through the territory of gyour brothers, the people of Esau, who live in Seir; and they will be afraid of you. So be very careful. 5 Do not contend with them, for I will not give you any of their land, no, not so much as for the sole of the foot to tread on, because I have given Mount Seir to Esau as a possession." (Deut. 2:2-5, ESV)
As I meditated on this, I was struck by a notion: how remarkable is the faithfulness of God. The vigor with which he regarded Esau's portion is incredible. I see a portrait of a man prepared for destruction and passed over, a man whose eternal judgment from God was in progress, a man whose descendants would haunt the elect of God for generations, and even still, God proclaims His decree with resounding steadfastness. Imagine if it was one of us. I'd probably have Moses and the gang destroying every inch of that land! But it just isn't who God is. He will uphold His decree, and He will do it in His might, freely, all by Himself, no matter what we do or what we say.
I choked up at the thought: "This God calls me 'child'."
Anywho - does anyone else get like this? If not, please keep me in your prayers. I want to behold God the way God wants to be beheld.
Thank you, brethren!!
