Dating a Non-Sabbatarian

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Pergamum

Ordinary Guy (TM)
I don't think our brother's comment was meant to be taken seriously.
I hold to the 1689, so yes, I believe in the Sabbath. NCT is Dispensationalism-lite.

But many TR micro-denominations major on several issues that really are not the main issues in a marriage. Are you going to drop a good woman over her beliefs on Psalms-only versus hymns? Good spousal candidates are in short supply in the US, after all. There is a nitpicky preciseness that can become very taxing in a marriage and this nitpickiness is often seen by some as a good trait instead of a bad trait. But I see it as a negative. Being flexible on some issues is a strength.

Practically, Sabbatarians and non-Sabbatarian Christians all worship at least once on Sunday. Pragmatically speaking, many Christians are pretty similar no matter if they are TR rigid Reformed-types or Southern Baptists. They go to church on Sunday, it is pretty simple.
 

Afterthought

Puritan Board Senior
Are you going to drop a good woman over her beliefs on Psalms-only versus hymns?
If one has a heritage that one believes to be commandments from the Lord that they are trying to pass on to one's children, then a woman's beliefs and convictions can become important on matters like those. Speaking from personal experience, few women are willing to submit to those kinds of beliefs: they need to be convicted of them to be okay with them being taught and enforced in the church and house. Perhaps the women that would not submit on such things you would not view as a "good woman," but regardless, these are how the facts stand.
 

Pergamum

Ordinary Guy (TM)
If one has a heritage that one believes to be commandments from the Lord that they are trying to pass on to one's children, then a woman's beliefs and convictions can become important on matters like those. Speaking from personal experience, few women are willing to submit to those kinds of beliefs: they need to be convicted of them to be okay with them being taught and enforced in the church and house. Perhaps the women that would not submit on such things you would not view as a "good woman," but regardless, these are how the facts stand.
Sure. From a baptist perspective, a man could insist on a woman who abides by the 1646 or whatever year that was and not the 1869 Confession. But that will shrink your perspective dating pool to a mere handful. If your convictions are strong enough, you might suffer decades of singleness for those rigid convictions. Plus, in my experience, I am suspicious of women who want to argue theology instead of talking to other women about how to care for one's husband and children. Most men are not impressed by women theologians (who seem usually to focus on correcting the menfolk); most men want somebody to love them and to love their children, and not to debate arcane theological points. I'd much rather see how a prospective spouse handles babies than how she parses a secondary theological point.
 

MChase

Puritan Board Freshman
Desiring that your future spouse has similar convictions is not some sort of domestical straining at gnats. The sabbath has huge practical import. While you are dating there is definitely room to teach, learn, and grow, but when the time comes for marriage you have to be okay (especially as a woman) with going along with what your husband believes. Not some sort of implicit faith, but he will be your head and guide. Talk to him and sit and read Isa. 58 and Heb. 4 and other key passages. His response will tell you everything. If a man isn’t willing to learn and listen to his future wife and is unteachable, it probably isn’t the best prospect for a spouse. On the other hand, if he is teachable it’s a great sign and patience ought to be exercised. Coming to a biblical view of the sabbath often doesn’t happen over night.

I have family where this sort of thing played out more or less exactly how I thought it would. The woman held to the abiding validity of the 4th commandment, though less strict than the Westminster standards hold out. The husband did not see any need for a sabbath day. Same sort of thing with head coverings. Now the woman doesn’t have much of a view of the sabbath or head coverings. Wives need husbands who will teach and guide them, not that are indifferent about rather large areas of practice.
 
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ChristianLibertarian

Puritan Board Freshman
I hold to the 1689, so yes, I believe in the Sabbath. NCT is Dispensationalism-lite.

But many TR micro-denominations major on several issues that really are not the main issues in a marriage. Are you going to drop a good woman over her beliefs on Psalms-only versus hymns? Good spousal candidates are in short supply in the US, after all. There is a nitpicky preciseness that can become very taxing in a marriage and this nitpickiness is often seen by some as a good trait instead of a bad trait. But I see it as a negative. Being flexible on some issues is a strength.

Practically, Sabbatarians and non-Sabbatarian Christians all worship at least once on Sunday. Pragmatically speaking, many Christians are pretty similar no matter if they are TR rigid Reformed-types or Southern Baptists. They go to church on Sunday, it is pretty simple.
It's much easier to be the man in this situation. So long as he finds a woman willing to submit, even if she disagrees on psalm singing it's not a huge burden in a marriage. For a woman though, if she has a conviction on psalm singing or the sabbath, as the OP indicates, it's a trickier issue. I can see why she would be concerned entering into a relationship with someone who isn't on board in a matter she is convicted on. She will be the one submitting to her husband and while he may not be able to lawfully require her to disobey the sabbath, one can imagine how the issue could strain a marriage.
 

De Jager

Puritan Board Sophomore
I hold to the 1689, so yes, I believe in the Sabbath. NCT is Dispensationalism-lite.

But many TR micro-denominations major on several issues that really are not the main issues in a marriage. Are you going to drop a good woman over her beliefs on Psalms-only versus hymns? Good spousal candidates are in short supply in the US, after all. There is a nitpicky preciseness that can become very taxing in a marriage and this nitpickiness is often seen by some as a good trait instead of a bad trait. But I see it as a negative. Being flexible on some issues is a strength.

Practically, Sabbatarians and non-Sabbatarian Christians all worship at least once on Sunday. Pragmatically speaking, many Christians are pretty similar no matter if they are TR rigid Reformed-types or Southern Baptists. They go to church on Sunday, it is pretty simple.
In my opinion, honouring the 4th commandment is not nitpicking, it is basic. We are not talking about head coverings or eating meat sacrificed to idols, we are talking about one of the ten commandments, and how a person practically lives that out.
 
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De Jager

Puritan Board Sophomore
Desiring that your future spouse has similar convictions is not some sort of domestical straining at gnats. The sabbath has huge practical import. While you are dating there is definitely room to teach, learn, and grow, but when the time comes for marriage you have to be okay (especially as a woman) with going along with what your husband believes. Not some sort of implicit faith, but he will be your head and guide. Talk to him and sit and read Isa. 58 and Heb. 4 and other key passages. His response will tell you everything. If a man isn’t willing to learn and listen to his future wife and is unteachable, it probably isn’t the best prospect for a spouse. On the other hand, if he is teachable it’s a great sign and patience ought to be exercised. Coming to a biblical view of the sabbath often doesn’t happen over night.

I have family where this sort of thing played out more or less exactly how I thought it would. The woman held to the abiding validity of the 4th commandment, though less strict than the Westminster standards hold out. The husband did not see any need for a sabbath day. Same sort of thing with head coverings. Now the woman doesn’t have much of a view of the sabbath or head coverings. Wives need husbands who will teach and guide them, not that are indifferent about rather large areas of practice.
Would you say that it is usually the more "loose" view that ends up winning? I suppose it depends on who has which view, and how strong the personalities are. With my parents, I saw a decline on sabbath observance over time. When I was very young it was unthinkable to skip church to play sports on Sunday. By the time my little brother was in high school, that's what we did if there was a big hockey tournament happening. By God's grace we all realize that was a mistake, but it happened.
 

Pergamum

Ordinary Guy (TM)
In my opinion, honouring the 4th commandment is not nitpicking, it is basic. We are not talking about head coverings or eating meat sacrificed to idols, we are talking about one of the ten commandments, and how a person practically lives that out.
Honoring the 4th Commandment exactly as a TR would might be nitpicking. As I have said, even Dispensational Christians go to church on Sunday.
 

NaphtaliPress

Administrator
Staff member
The concerns mentioned in the OP, Laboring and commerce on the Lord's Day, is not nitpicking TR stuff, whatever that means. One does not even have to descend down the list of rules to rightly understand the ten commandments; it's on the surface teaching of the Scriptures; the easy application, like cheating on one's spouse. I think the OP has sufficient answer. Thread closed.
 

Stephen L Smith

Moderator
Staff member
As I have said, even Dispensational Christians go to church on Sunday.
I personally agree one may allow some theological flexibility in marriage (it is the degree of flexibility that is where the debate lies). I agree Dispensational Christians go to church on Sunday. But in my experience, Dispensational Christians are happy to shop on the Lord's day or eat out at a restaurant.

Westminster Confession 21:8
This Sabbath is then kept holy unto the Lord, when men, after a due preparing of their hearts, and ordering of their common affairs beforehand, do not only observe an holy rest, all the day, from their own works, words, and thoughts about their worldly employments and recreations, but also are taken up, the whole time, in the public and private exercises of His worship, and in the duties of necessity and mercy.
 

Stephen L Smith

Moderator
Staff member
Sorry Chris I did not realise you had closed the thread when doing my post. But I'm sure you will agree the quote from the WCF is a fitting way to conclude this.
 
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