Daughter rolling eyes and complaining

Discussion in 'Family Forum' started by Pergamum, Sep 21, 2018.

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  1. Pergamum

    Pergamum Ordinary Guy (TM)


    Since I have been sick I have been deficient in instructing the kids. I have noticed over the past weeks that my 11-year old daughter now sometimes rolls her eyes, answers back with a response instead of a simple yes, dad, and often complains or has a pouty face.

    Without being unduly harsh with her (maybe that is needed?) how do I break these habits? Have any of you all struggled with this? What works?
  2. timfost

    timfost Puritan Board Junior

    Role play. Tell her that it's not appropriate and say "let's retry that." She will get it right if she wants to move on with the day. Good behavior is often simply good habit.
  3. Grant Jones

    Grant Jones Puritan Board Junior


    This is the advise I would give myself:

    #1 Rule be consistent (you and your wife) in correcting the behavior when you see it.

    #2 Don't forget to deal with your daughters heart.

    If you the believe the behavior is becoming repetitive, consider setting aside some "face-to-face daddy daughter time". During this time explain in a loving manner what your specific concern is and address why it is such a big concern. In this case maybe try to convey the idea from God's commandment to honor parents. For Example: The way we honor our parents has implications on how we honor God.

    Also consider sharing a personal story about how maybe you as a kid disrespected your own parents. This may help her see that you can relate to her temptations to have a "rolling eyes attitude". It is okay to let her know you are not perfect, but point her to what God requires. Then and most importantly point her to forgiveness in Christ and to the Helper, the Holy Spirit. If you feel she is convinced of her wrong, I would then pray with her and ask the Holy Spirit to help you both honor your father and mother.

    Lastly, your not alone hang in there. I already see this behavior in my 4yr. old daughter.

    Above all be consistent and don't forget that the "buck" does not stop at "behavior modification", rather desire and pursue a heart change in your little girl.

    Hope this helps!:detective:

    P.S. Check out Paul D. Trip (Presbyterian), who does great with the topic of Child Rearing. See also Voddie Baucham (Confessional Baptist), who is also very solid on this topic.
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2018
  4. Pergamum

    Pergamum Ordinary Guy (TM)

    Ahhh! Yes. That sounds simple and doable. Thanks.
  5. Pergamum

    Pergamum Ordinary Guy (TM)

    Thanks. Trying to deal with the heart. But we just are maybe devleoping bad habits now due to lack of steady schedule and place of residence.
  6. Edward

    Edward Puritan Board Doctor

    The problem should work itself out in about 7-10 years.
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  7. Cedarbay

    Cedarbay Puritan Board Freshman

    She probably needs the same tlc we need as adults when those we love are sick. She may be quite fearful about your condition and your wife's migraines. If she's typically a respectful kid and loves her folks and siblings, your thought of stabilizing home may be key.
  8. OPC'n

    OPC'n Puritan Board Doctor

    I couldn't agree more with Anne, but would add that maybe she's not getting the usual attention she's used to having from her daddy because you're ill so she's trying to get it any way she can even if it's negative attention.
  9. Pergamum

    Pergamum Ordinary Guy (TM)

    Thank you. This is a good perspective. I suppose the kids are also facing trial because their parents are sick.
  10. Bill The Baptist

    Bill The Baptist Puritan Board Graduate

    Or 20, as the case may be.
  11. Ryan&Amber2013

    Ryan&Amber2013 Puritan Board Junior

    Brother, maybe a heart to heart conversation with her? Maybe being open, explaining your struggles, ask her for grace, love, and mercy. You could communicate with her your feelings and your love for your family, and gently ask her to help during this time. You could even speak of your weaknesses, repent where needed, and seek humbleness and peace. Blessings.
  12. Ask Mr. Religion

    Ask Mr. Religion Flatly Unflappable

    I think Anne and Sarah have a handle on the situation, Perg. Your sweet daughter is just freaked out over the whole situation, as kids will be when uprooted, parents in turmoil and stress over illnesses, and so on.

    Anything you can do now that harkens to the normalcy and structure of your private lives back in the field will help calm the inward anxieties of your children. Sometimes same stuff, different day is quite the emotional sedative for young folks.

    Praying for you all.
  13. bookslover

    bookslover Puritan Board Professor

    She's practicing to be a teenager. Just two years to go!
  14. Ben Zartman

    Ben Zartman Puritan Board Sophomore

    I have a daughter who is eleven and sometimes rolls her eyes. Along with the other means mentioned, don't neglect the Bible's prescription for the foolishness that is bound in the heart of a child. This is the most effective, sure, and rapid means, and if done with a heart of obedience to the God who ordained it, He will not fail to make it have its effect.
    To know that this means is on the table and you're serious about using it (having used it consistently in the past) is a great incentive to obedience and good behavior.
    Sometimes I feel like my children's misdeeds are like whack-a-mole: no sooner do we break a bad habit than another one comes up, or an old one gets resurrected. Persevere, use all of God's means for the rearing of your children, and hope in Him for the result.
  15. BayouHuguenot

    BayouHuguenot Puritan Board Doctor

    I am a school teacher and I do that all the time. I have a dead-pan face and it really works.
  16. nickipicki123

    nickipicki123 Puritan Board Freshman

    Kids tend to push the boundaries around this age anyways, don't they? She should not be giving her parents attitude, but at the same time it is healthy for her to be independent, start thinking for herself, etc. How do you balance this?
  17. gjensen

    gjensen Puritan Board Freshman

    I do not know how to correct this. I have had mixed results with my own, and they are all different. You know and love your daughter. You will sort this out along the way. Often there is not a clear and simple answer. If you at first do not succeed, try again, etc.

    First of all love her. Talk to her about it. Explain to her while it is not appropriate. Ask your wife to do the same separately.

    Be honest with yourself and her. It has nothing to do with you or your circumstances. She is a sinner like the rest of us. We find out who we are when we are squeezed.

    You will have what you tolerate. Sometimes it is that simple.
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