Discouraged in spiritual warfare

[Minh]

I always thought conversion was a transformative experience. I look at how Saul of Tarsus become the great Apostles Paul. Then I feel despair to see how slow I was in my spiritual growth. While I do not desire to be a spiritual giant, I want at least a joyful obedience to God, which I found it so difficult.

Have you ever have that experience?

 

[Reformed Covenanter]

I always thought conversion was a transformative experience.

It is a transformative experience, but its effects on the believer in the work of sanctification are often very gradual.

I look at how Saul of Tarsus become the great Apostles Paul.

Saul's conversion narrative is not normative for all Christians.

Then I feel despair to see how slow I was in my spiritual growth.

Renewing faith and repentance is the right answer, not despair. To despair of your spiritual state is only to add sin to sin by failing to believe in the promises of God.

While I do not desire to be a spiritual giant, I want at least a joyful obedience to God, which I found it so difficult.

Welcome to Romans 7 territory. I recommend reading that chapter along with a reliable Reformed commentary (in this case, we, sadly, cannot recommend Martyn Lloyd Jones). You should also check out Westminster Confession 13 (Of Sanctification), which is a good introduction to the subject.

 

[Seeking_Thy_Kingdom]

I always thought conversion was a transformative experience. I look at how Saul of Tarsus become the great Apostles Paul. Then I feel despair to see how slow I was in my spiritual growth. While I do not desire to be a spiritual giant, I want at least a joyful obedience to God, which I found it so difficult.

Have you ever have that experience?

It should be a comfort to you to remember, that if you are in Christ the largest spiritual battle has already been won, and according to the standard of your every day atheist you are a spiritual giant.
Growth is a process, however it is not constant progression but it is granted by the Spirit in appropriate doses according to His wisdom.

My first question to you would be what your Sabbath rest practices are, I have personally found that once I gave up my earthly pleasures on the Lords day my spiritual life increased significantly.

 

[Branson]

I sympathize with your struggle, brother. I have found that John Newton’s letters, especially those about indwelling sin in the believer, have been helpful to me. Here is an excerpt of one:

“The doubts and fears you speak of are, in a greater or less degree, the common experience of all the Lord's people, at least for a time. While any unbelief remains in the heart, and Satan is permitted to tempt—we shall feel these things. In themselves they are groundless and evil; yet the Lord permits and over-rules them for good. They tend to make us know more of the plague of our own hearts, and feel more sensibly the need of a Savior, and make his rest (when we attain it) doubly sweet and sure—and they likewise qualify us for pitying and comforting others.


Fear not—only believe, wait, and pray. Expect not all at once. A Christian is not of hasty growth, like a mushroom—but rather like the oak, the progress of which is hardly perceptible—but in time becomes a great deep-rooted tree.”

 

[Pergamum]

Mighty oak trees grow slow, too, right. Keep praying.

 

[Mark Hettler]

I struggled with this a lot as a younger believer. It was only after about 20 years that I came to a (for me) startling realization: If I compared myself with who I was the day before or even a year before, I didn't see much evidence of God at work; but if I compared myself with 20 years earlier, the evidence of God at work in my life was dramatic.

 

[Reformed Covenanter]

@Minh - I recommend listening to this sermon on Romans 7:13-25 by one of the ministers here on PB (Rev. Fred Greco). At the start of the sermon, he cites a particularly significant observation from J. C. Ryle's famous book on Holiness. It would be well worth your time acquiring and reading that book - especially in the new edition that Banner of Truth has recently produced.

 

[Minh]

@Minh - I recommend listening to this sermon on Romans 7:13-25 by one of the ministers here on PB (Rev. Fred Greco). At the start of the sermon, he cites a particularly significant observation from J. C. Ryle's famous book on Holiness. It would be well worth your time acquiring and reading that book - especially in the new edition that Banner of Truth has recently produced.

Thank you for that recommendation. I had known that book before but I was never concerned about it until you brought it in the midst of my struggle. I appreciate very much for reminding it. I will listen to the sermon also. I would use this link to read that book:
http://www.apuritansmind.com/wp-content/uploads/FREEEBOOKS/Holiness-J.C.Ryle.pdf