Do you eat fruitcake?

Discussion in 'The Iron Chef' started by Wayne, Dec 25, 2009.

Do you eat fruitcake?

Poll closed Jan 24, 2010.
  1. Yes, I love it.

    10 vote(s)
  2. Yes, if it is served to me.

    9 vote(s)
  3. Only certain ones.

    11 vote(s)
  4. Never tried any.

    11 vote(s)
  5. I re-gift them

    1 vote(s)
  6. No. Fooled me once, never again.

    6 vote(s)
  7. I would starve first.

    11 vote(s)
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  1. Wayne

    Wayne Tempus faciendi, Domine.


    You forgot about the Egyptians. The Egyptians built fruitcakes that haven't budged a millimeter in over 4,000 years.
  2. a mere housewife

    a mere housewife Not your cup of tea

    Ah, of course. One of the major achievements of the human race. They buried their dead in them.
  3. Rich Koster

    Rich Koster Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    Putting the dead in fruitcakes.......too soylent green for me :barfy:
  4. a mere housewife

    a mere housewife Not your cup of tea

    The fruitcake in literature:

    Moby Dick was originally written about one man's obsession with harpooning a fruitcake. The publishers didn't think it would fly and requested a rewrite.
  5. Wayne

    Wayne Tempus faciendi, Domine.

    And with that, you've uncovered both the mystery and the reason.

    What are those green things in the fruitcake?


    Why don't people like fruitcake?

  6. Southern Presbyterian

    Southern Presbyterian Moderator Staff Member

  7. LawrenceU

    LawrenceU Puritan Board Doctor

    A little known fact is that Thor Heyerdahl once built a raft of fruitcakes to prove his hypothesis that Eskimos are really Tongans whose raft was eaten by krill whilst they were attempting to traverse the fabled polar passage during a warming spell in the ancient past. This attempt at repeating history was his one and only failure. He forgot that during the cold period of weather patterns that existed in the 1970's there would be even less food for the arctic krill and thus his journey ended tragically. He was rescued by a Soviet 'trawler' and accused of espionage. He was released when the Kremlin heard the skipper's report. They found it unbelievable that the Kon-Fruiti would be vulnerable to such a fate. (After all nothing eats store bought fruit cake.) This incident caused marine biologists everywhere to be increasingly concerned that there may now be a mutant strain of krill that has spawned from the survivours of that generation. It seems to be that the krill now release much more carbon dioxide than did their predecessors. . . .
  8. nate895

    nate895 Puritan Board Freshman

    I've never tried any, but that is because the only ones I have run across have nuts (don't know if that's a fruitcake rule or not), so if I ate them my respiratory system would not be happy with me and quit on the job. I don't understand if they were so bad why people would keep making them. Are they really that bad or is it just something that people make fun of?
  9. Wayne

    Wayne Tempus faciendi, Domine.

    I hate it when a respiratory system quits on the job. I tell you, I've had it up to here with these unions!!

    The worst are those fruitcake unions.
  10. Mushroom

    Mushroom Puritan Board Doctor

    One of the great mysteries of the age. Kinda like why do people actually eat liver or brussell sprouts? Must be where the term 'glutton for punishment' cam from.
  11. Scottish Lass

    Scottish Lass Puritan Board Doctor

    Allergic to citrus, so never had one.
  12. Galatians220

    Galatians220 Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    *Really bad* fruitcakes are bad beyond description. They are irredeemable and they must be buried like the nuclear waste they so capably resemble before they can hurt or even kill an innocent person. The person who makes an RBF and then attempts to convey it as a gift should be made to answer criminal charges in the appropriate jurisdiction.

    On the other hand, if you've never had an indescribably delicious concoction of cinnamon, flour, nutmeg, dried fruit, marzipan, nuts (or no nuts, in your case), rum and maybe a mild glaze, baked just perfectly, that a really good fruitcake is, you're missing something. The fact that you can't get them except around Christmastime also speaks to their popularity with some people.

    That said, I do believe it's plausible that RBFs were involved in the sinking of the Titanic, as Heidi suggests above. It was, after all, April when the ship hit *something.* Probably enough people in Scotland and Ireland had thrown RBFs into the sea after Christmas, 1911, and hundreds of them glommed together out there, their sickening icing making them look like an iceberg...

  13. Skyler

    Skyler Puritan Board Graduate

    I will eat anything set before me--given that it's intended to be eaten, of course. I suppose, with fruitcake, that's debatable.

    Sheep stomach soup isn't too bad, actually. :)
  14. Wayne

    Wayne Tempus faciendi, Domine.

    Margaret is quite correct, and you may also want to remember Heidi's previous posts about lobbing fruitcakes into foxholes.

    Margaret used the military technical term, "RBF", and some of you may need explanation. In typical acronym-speak, this is the military abbreviation for Roadside Bomb, Fruitcake, aka, Really Bad Fruitcake.

    In one recent conflict, there was strong evidence that an outside nation was supplying revelers with especially wreathal Shaped Charge Fruitcakes (SCF).
  15. a mere housewife

    a mere housewife Not your cup of tea

    That must have been during the part where I was drawing a blank about the whole rest of human history.

    Another little known fact about fruitcake in literature is that the immortal words 'Et tu, Brute?' were *first* written into Shakespeare's play over Brutus giving Julius Caesar a fruitcake for Christmas. But he got out of bed that night with cold feet and a guttering candle to cross that part out because it suddenly occurred to him as he was lying there that Caesar might have been in the Scottish Reformed tradition and not have celebrated Christmas.
  16. Wayne

    Wayne Tempus faciendi, Domine.

    It was. But we were taking notes. And filling in the blanks.
  17. Southern Presbyterian

    Southern Presbyterian Moderator Staff Member

    "A fruitcake is a geological homemade cake." --Charles Dickens

    "I never met a fruitcake I liked." --The Dorfman Archives
  18. Rich Koster

    Rich Koster Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    "Send them there fruitcakes back to wheres they came from" -- Archie Bunker
  19. Southern Presbyterian

    Southern Presbyterian Moderator Staff Member

    "A former Walmart employee and part-time nutty professor has begun research into alternative uses for the millions of fruitcakes that are returned every December 26th to Walmart."

    "...'heck, that stuff has been around longer than dirt; they'll keep making it and people will keep buying it, re-gifting it, and then throwing it away. It's a holiday tradition.'"

    Read more here...
  20. Hawaiian Puritan

    Hawaiian Puritan Puritan Board Freshman

    I like fruitcake and my wife likes to make it at Christmas time.

    On Christmas Eve she took some of her fruitcake into work to share with others.

    However, one of her co-workers turned her down and said, "You've heard the psychiatrist joke about fruitcake, haven't you? There once was a fruitcake that went to a psychiatrist and said, 'Doc, why doesn't anyone like me?'"

  21. AThornquist

    AThornquist Puritan Board Doctor

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