DR. Benjamin Spock - The common sense book of baby and child

[Reena Wilms]

Because my wife is pregant (and can deliver any moment of our first child!!!!!) Iam very interested in reading good books on family worship and other good books on raising up children. I order the next book from Dr. Benjamin Spock, because i saw it at a (reformed) christian bookstore here at the Netherlands. But my mom saw the book, and she said that she never read the book, but knew from the past, that many people hath there critics and doubts about the author (Benjamin Spock) and this book ? Does any knows about him and this book: "The common sense book of baby and child care" ? Is he a chistian and is the book good, oke ór bad ?
uzzled:

 

[ChristianasJourney]

2 things:

Always listen to your mom :toff:

And forget about Dr. Spock.

Dr. Spock is considered to be the father of today's parenting techniques. :thumbdown: I don't know of any one book I would recommend in it's entireity--except the Bible. However, there are a couple of books that I would recommend reading, and then using discretion to understand and impliment. I think the best one would be "To Train up a Child" by Michael and Debbi Pearl.

But before you get bogged down with books, my best recommendation is to rely a lot on your gut feelings. And if your upbringing was good--on that, and your own experience. A lot of books are psyco-babble, and really, do more to confuse you then to help you.

 

[pastorway]

Burn Spock...don't even give it away.....

Get ahold of [i:2afdde2999]Shepherding a Child's Heart[/i:2afdde2999] by Tedd Tripp. Reformed and practical.

Phillip

 

[Saiph]

I have enjoyed the "Love & Logic" books.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

 

[mjbee]

I'm with Pastorway on this one (as usual, even though he's a Texan.) Burn Spock and don't even give it away! Consign it to the landfill.

My mother was a Spock fan. I was raised that way. I don't recommend it, if you want your kids to grow up right. It's a good thing for me that Dad didn't always agree with Spock!

Melissa

 

[Reena Wilms]

Thank you all for the warnings, but can you please let me know why his book is so bad ?

Ralph

 

[Reena Wilms]

Dear ChristianasJourney,


About Michael Pearl, i think that i ever met him in Israel together with his daughter (who worked like me, in a christian youth hostel), i did not know his book is so well known. Do you know Michael Pearl personally ?

Shalom!

Ralph

 

[pastorway]

Spock has no Biblical understanding or Scriptural foundation for his approach to parenting. It is all evolution, psychology, and humanistic philosophy. There is no understanding of sin, the reason for discipline, the proper way to discipline, or the true nature of the relationship between parents and children. He sees parents and kids as equals on a journey together where the adult knows more than the kid but must not do too much to influence the kid to be just like mom or dad.

Parents and kids are not equal. One is in a role of God ordained authority and the other in the role of submission.

Train a child by Spock and you can throw the Book of Proverbs out the window. The whole Bible for that matter!

Phillip

 

[mjbee]

Amen Again, Pastorway! Parents are supposed to be authorities. Hopefully, godly authorities. Ya just gotta know when to laugh at their antics and when to slap them silly for rebellion.

I'm a grandmother who babysits. I never yell or raise my voice. A dirty look is worth a thousand words. Babies have a lot of freedom in my house, but they don't rule. If they're playing in the kitchen drawers, getting the turkey baster out, and I say, "Watch your fingers!" and they slam the drawer on their fingers and then cry, I say, "I told you to watch your fingers!" Five seconds of wailing (with me chuckling and saying "I told ya!&quot and it's over.

 

[sailorswife]

Withhold Not Correction by Bruce Ray is very good. I also think Gary Ezzo's books Babywise and Toddlerwise were pretty good though I admit I didn't follow them completely. The problem that I found, though with books like Withhold Not Correction and Shepherding a Child's Heart, though very good in encouraging biblical discipiline they don't give really clear instruction for a first time parent on at what age to begin using the rod of correction. That is why I liked Toddlerwise it gave some good practical advice, though not necessarily on the rod. One thing to remember is encourage your child a lot when they are obeying, spank when they outright disobey you. That's my :wr50:. By the way congratulations on your soon to arrive baby, and now go get some sleep while you still have a chance! :bs2:

 

[ChristianasJourney]

Everyman's Guide to Raising Godly Children
By Miss Grinch
AKA Janice LaQuiere

You might wonder what qualifications I have to discuss parenting so openly, and yet not have any Mrs, mom, or mother in front of my name, or any MD. Or PhD. after my name. It's simple I have been a perpetual babysitter for twenty years, hence the name "Miss Grinch" . If that doesn't qualify a person for giving "kid advice" I don't know what will.

So in lieu of not being able to give you the perfect book here are my:

Five Easy step for the child's first year:

1. Remember that you're the parent and God has given you the responsibility of raising your child. As you read books, and try to follow through with what you've read you will find many confusing and conflicting suggestions. Whether you chose to breastfeed or bottle feed, schedule or feed on demand, potty train at three months or three years, it's your choice. These decisions won't make or break the child. While many of these decisions affect the body, they won't affect the soul.

2. If the child is hungry feed it, don't let him wait so long that his cries become demands. (If your child starts to demand see lesson three.) If he is wet, change him. In birth it's not uncommon for the child to arrive bruised. Remember that as you handle your newborn. Provide for his needs quickly. Remember that the things in life that cause discomfort for your will also cause your baby discomfort. If eating a piece of bread caused you to be thirsty, it is likely that it will cause your child to be thirsty.

If your child cries constantly it's possible he's not getting enough food...some children have higher metabolisms, some mother's milk don't have as high fat content. It's also possible that she may be having stomach pains. This may be colic, caused from formula, etc. My own theory is that giving your child "real food"--tidbits of ice cream, etc, may also cause stomach discomfort. You can try a number of things-Riding around in a car. Putting your child in an automatic swing. Setting your child's baby seat on the dryer and turning the dryer on. Often the soft movement will lull your child to sleep, if not, perhaps it will lull you to sleep. Obviously, don't leave your child unsupervised. The day WILL come when you'll sleep through the night-from exhaustion if nothing else.

It's important to remember that babies should NOT be given honey or eggs for their first year.

3. At some point (at various ages). Your child will show a rebellious spirit. This is where you must step in to parent. The younger you start to deal with this the easier it becomes. Some children are naturally more rebellious/independent than others. Some are born "demanding", others don't show this spirit until several months later. As a parent you'll have to discern between a hunger cry that says "I'm hungry". Or a screaming cry that says "feed me now!" When your child starts screaming, even at a young age do not give in to his demands. Remember, that God made you the parent. Despite popular theory you're not ruining your child for life. Instead you are improving the child's life. Wait until he stops screaming, and give him what he desires. Let me repeat though, do not give in WHILE he is screaming. Lay him down someplace safe. And when he stops screaming, but don't test his patience, pick him up and provide for him. This is the first step of many years of obedience training. However, if you'll follow this step you will find that most of the work in training your child will be in the first year, not the fourth. The following years will be built upon this building block. This is also where you must first start to practice consistency.

The next likely step in obedience training will come when the child starts to "nibble", his mother. I would let instinct take it's course. This should result in a sudden sharp "no", the mother jumping, and a light tap on the child's leg. If this is the first time the child has heard the word "no" I would continue to reinforce it, when the opportunity arises. If the child is demanding at a young age then I would start using "no" earlier. For example: If he starts screaming I would say no sharply and put him down or pat his bottom. It's through this that he'll understand that "no" means "don't do it" and comes with consequences.

This brings up a funny story which is really out of place here...but funny none-the-less. A friend of mine, when he was a baby some 40 years ago, kept crying. His mother put him in the crib to cry himself to sleep. But he kept crying. So the mother finally gave him a swat. The baby boy stopped crying and went to sleep. The next morning when his mother changed his diaper she discovered she had killed a spider with her swat. :shocked2:

There are two things to remember in child training at this age, and any age: you're not interested in punishment. Punishment is what you give when you're angry. You are disciplining your child, which is done with an entirely different motive. The other thing to remember is not to look at your child's misbehavior as incidents in his life. you're not trying to get a baby to be compliant, but you're really raising a twenty year old to have a Godly and submissive heart. Focus on the goal, not the incident. By focusing on the goal it will help to put the incident in greater perspective. As always, one of the most important things is for you, the parent, to remain consistent. If you have a question, listen to your instincts, God gave them for a reason.

4. As your child grows you'll have more opportunity to enforce your parental position. Correct any behavior that you see in the child that you don't like. The key word here is you. It doesn't matter what the Ezzos say, or Dr. Spock, or the Pearls, what matters is you. You have the responsibility, you have the knowledge, you know what you're aiming at. If there is an attitude or behavior that you don't like, correct it. As the child starts to crawl and later walk he'll start testing the boundaries. "Does no, really mean no?" "Is dad paying attention." "Perhaps, if I pretend to ignore him." You have to be aware of what your child is doing, and even what he's thinking. By this time the child should be familiar with and able to understand correction. It's amazing, but true, he's also old enough to determine right from wrong.

Behavior problems often have to do with not touch, not going, crying, etc. Tell the child no, if the unwanted behavior continues pick the child up, swat him with your hand, hard enough so that he can feel it a little through his diaper, tell him no, and set him back down. Don't move the child, or remove the object...Your goal is to get obedience for obedience's sake. Depending on how stubborn or determined the child is will determine how long, and how many times you have to repeat your actions. But if he continues to display his behavior repeat your actions as many times as necessary to get the desired result. The warning is, if you have a really stubborn child this may take over an hour. But don't despair. you'll learn what parenting really means, and you'll end up having one of the sweetest natured little children. Everyone will attribute it to his personality, you'll know differently. But again, through it all, consistency is the key. Mean what you say, and say what you mean. And if you don't mean it, don't say it. Following through in your commands is very important.

When does one start using the "rod"? There is no "given age". Every child and situation is different. A hand works fine for the first couple years. And I wouldn't use it before then. A child won't grow to fear a hand, because it administered punishment. They might grow to fear you if you administer unjustly, but they won't fear the object that punished them. Children aren't dogs, they're people with the ability to reason.

5. This brings us to step five. Appropriately it should be the first step. And that is the relationship between parents. The very best thing you can do for your children is to have a good relationship with your spouse. This not only provides stability and confidence, but it affects all other aspects of your child's life. The child must never be able to pit one against the other, or be able to drive a wedge between you two. you'll not always agree on everything, particularly concerning the raising of your children, but to your child you must present a united front. And neither one should allow the child to get away with disrespect toward the other parent. You two should be each other's greatest defender and proponent. Ultimately, your child will learn love, discipline, and self-control from your example. If you fail to provide a good example he will look at you as a hypocrite and he will more likely be turned away from your religion. So maintain your honest, even when it comes to admitting your errors and weaknesses, acknowledge them for what they are.

COMING NEXT YEAR: FIVE EASY STEPS FOR THE CHILd's SECOND YEAR


[Edited on 10-20-2005 by ChristianasJourney]

 

[ChristianasJourney]

[quote:089dd30eda][i:089dd30eda]Originally posted by Reena Wilms[/i:089dd30eda]
Dear ChristianasJourney,


About Michael Pearl, i think that i ever met him in Israel together with his daughter (who worked like me, in a christian youth hostel), i did not know his book is so well known. Do you know Michael Pearl personally ?

Shalom!

Ralph [/quote:089dd30eda]

No, I don't know Michael Pearl. I am familiar with his book though, I have a friend who likes it. I think he popular among the more conservative circles.

 

[Gregg]

That was very good Janice. You would be an excellent mother.

God Bless,
Gregg