Explaining Lord's Day observance to friends, family etc.

[Joseph Knowles]

Over the last couple of years my wife and I have both come to a Reformed position on observing the Christian Sabbath. It probably comes as no surprise, that there are family and friends (including some from our former church) that do not share that view. So a new hurdle for us seems to be in having to decline invitations, etc. for activities on the Lord's Day that (even within the last few years) we would have participated in without much (if any) hesitation.

Can anyone offer any advice on how to kindly and lovingly tell people (when necessary) that as a family we reserve the Lord's Day for worship?

Perhaps the way to approach the issue is different with, say, a non-Christian extended family member than it would be with a Christian friend, but I've been thinking about it throughout the day today and I feel like I don't have any really good responses. Thanks in advance for your help.

 

[Jonathco]

Joseph, I cannot give you any great advice, as this is something quite new for my wife, children, and I as well. It is something I became increasingly convicted about and we recently started observing.

For us, with Christian friends and family, it truly has not been that bad of a discussion. There are few Christians who would outright deny that the 10 Commandments still apply (yes, yes, I know there are some), but when it's come up so far, we've simply admitted to our believing friends and family that we previously did not observe nor honor the 4th commandment and that we've felt conviction and are now refraining from [insert XYZ] on Sundays. So far, it has not been as big of a deal as we were concerned it would be.

Now, we've yet to broach this topic with any unbelieving friends yet, so time will tell how they take it.

Hang in there brother!

 

[OPC'n]

It's hard with Christian family members and with non-Christian family members. I actually find that the Christian family members get more upset than the ones who are not Christian. I don't force my Sabbatarian beliefs on either by telling they should do such and such on Sundays, but neither will I join them. I just say, "I can't go because it's the Sabbath." and let the pieces fall where they will. My own problem happens when we all go on vacation together and they say, "Isn't staying in a hotel on Sunday going against the Sabbath? You might not do anything with us on this day but you are staying at a hotel.". I really don't have a good answer for them. Should I never go on vacation? How about a Ligonier conference or cruise because I would be staying at a hotel on a Sunday. Am I being a hypocrite?

 

[Username4000]

It's hard with Christian family members and with non-Christian family members. I actually find that the Christian family members get more upset than the ones who are not Christian. I don't force my Sabbatarian beliefs on either by telling they should do such and such on Sundays, but neither will I join them. I just say, "I can't go because it's the Sabbath." and let the pieces fall where they will. My own problem happens when we all go on vacation together and they say, "Isn't staying in a hotel on Sunday going against the Sabbath? You might not do anything with us on this day but you are staying at a hotel.". I really don't have a good answer for them. Should I never go on vacation? How about a Ligonier conference or cruise because I would be staying at a hotel on a Sunday. Am I being a hypocrite?

Everything we say that interprets the commandment or makes a distinction sounds like legalistic tradition to people like my dispensational family (not sure what your background is). The best thing we can do is to stick to necessity and mercy, which are both things that Jesus explicitly talks about. He healed people, and he called it perfectly legitimate to do things like feed animals that can't be put off until the next day. We can stick to those, and we can show that they are not a change in the law at all.

As for hotels, people have to travel, and people have to eat when traveling. Even Joey Pipa, probably the foremost living writer on the Lord's Day, recognizes this. His position would be that hotels are a work of necessity, and so would be hotel restaurants so that their guests can eat. Since the latter isn't always the case in modern hotels, I think he leans toward going out when traveling being an acceptable answer in our context today.

 

[Afterthought]

It's hard with Christian family members and with non-Christian family members. I actually find that the Christian family members get more upset than the ones who are not Christian. I don't force my Sabbatarian beliefs on either by telling they should do such and such on Sundays, but neither will I join them. I just say, "I can't go because it's the Sabbath." and let the pieces fall where they will. My own problem happens when we all go on vacation together and they say, "Isn't staying in a hotel on Sunday going against the Sabbath? You might not do anything with us on this day but you are staying at a hotel.". I really don't have a good answer for them. Should I never go on vacation? How about a Ligonier conference or cruise because I would be staying at a hotel on a Sunday. Am I being a hypocrite?

There used to be hotels to grab travellers on the Sabbath. On the rare occasion when I have had to be in a hotel while travelling, I will check-in on Saturday, check-out on Monday, put the "do not disturb" sign on my door, and not take advantage of any hotel breakfasts or anything like that.

Over the last couple of years my wife and I have both come to a Reformed position on observing the Christian Sabbath. It probably comes as no surprise, that there are family and friends (including some from our former church) that do not share that view. So a new hurdle for us seems to be in having to decline invitations, etc. for activities on the Lord's Day that (even within the last few years) we would have participated in without much (if any) hesitation.

Can anyone offer any advice on how to kindly and lovingly tell people (when necessary) that as a family we reserve the Lord's Day for worship?

Perhaps the way to approach the issue is different with, say, a non-Christian extended family member than it would be with a Christian friend, but I've been thinking about it throughout the day today and I feel like I don't have any really good responses. Thanks in advance for your help.

When explaining your position, try to emphasize the positive aspects of the day: this is a day to delight in God and his worship. You wish to make as much use of the day as possible for that, and other things are distractions from that (aside from works of mercy or necessity, which most Christians will understand due to the explicit teaching of Jesus in the Gospels).

If they are Christians that are willing to hear you out, you could send them a sermon or article or book that explains and defends your position so that they can see where you are coming from.


So, e.g., if someone from your former church invites you out to eat, just say something like, "Thanks for the offer, but today is the Lord's day, and we as a family believe God requires us to worship him today and not cause others to be employed in work so that they too can be free to spend time worshipping him. We delight in spending a day focused on God and wish to spend as much of the day as possible in doing so. If you would like to learn more about our views, here is X resource(s). Maybe we can join you all on another day? Or if you would like, maybe we could have you over for lunch sometime and talk about the sermons we heard, have some bible study, pray, and sing praise?"

 

[Hamalas]

When my wife and I got married, it was a long standing tradition on her side for the family (all believers) to meet up after church at a restaurant for lunch. So we suggested tweaking the tradition by meeting up at each other's houses for a home-cooked meal instead. We tried to make this easy and attractive by opening our home frequently and going out of our way to help with food prep/costs. We actually moved away a few years ago (for seminary) but I think the family gathering tradition has stuck and they no longer go out to eat on Sunday (though I don't think any of them are Sabbatarians).

 

[Joseph Knowles]

Thanks, everyone! This was encouraging--not that it might not mean having some potentially uncomfortable conversations, but that it's worth my being temporarily uncomfortable to honor the Lord by honoring His day the way He would have me to honor it.

 

[Kinghezy]

I don't think I have anything great to add, but I will say that we have found it is more awkward at times within our local church, since my wife and I are more sabbatarian than a majority of our church. We just usually given a brief explanation (my wife perhaps less brief than I) when it comes up. Generally, the conversations are cordial, with one notable exception.

Below is what I included in an email, when there was event that we had to decline in participating in.

Without getting into all the details, our understanding of how to spend the Lord's Day is closer to what the Westminster Confession states than how <removed church name> generally understands it. So there are some aspects that trouble our conscience and we cannot therefore participate.