For Those of You With Children

[Ryan&Amber2013]

Our son is 4 months old, and we are wondering what he is going to be like in a year or so, specifically in his character. Is it possible to have a well behaved 1, 2, 3 year old, etc., who is gentle, and quick to submit and be reasoned with? Or should we expect him to get into trouble constantly, to act wild, to be disobedient, to have no reasoning skills, etc.?

I have in my mind that Noah is going to sin, but when he sins, if we reason with him, love him, lead him in truth, and nurture his soul, that he will be a boy of good character and won't continue in those sins. Is there hope for this, do all children at this age just basically do whatever they want?

I really hope to be encouraged with some success stories. Thank you!

 

[Parakaleo]

We are soon to welcome our sixth child and none of the ones we've had so far have been the same as the others. It is a trap to compare your child to others. Be loving and consistent with discipline and the Lord says there will be peaceful fruit of righteousness. It may take many years, though.

To give you some indication from our family, we aim to train our children to sit quietly through worship sometime before they reach the age of three. It does help to have good expectations for your children. They will want to meet them.

At the same time, don't make your children feel like they are always failing or a disappointment to you. God never unleashes His anger upon His children. He never unbridles His chastisement against His own. He unleashed all of that upon Christ, so whatever discipline we endure is purely the fierceness of His love.

Just some reflections of mine. Hope it is helpful!

 

[Miss Marple]

He will be himself with particular sin habits and particular gifts. Love him and let him know. Come alongside him as a friend to help him fight his sins rather than as his chief accuser

 

[ZackF]

Our son is 4 months old, and we are wondering what he is going to be like in a year or so, specifically in his character. Is it possible to have a well behaved 1, 2, 3 year old, etc., who is gentle, and quick to submit and be reasoned with? Or should we expect him to get into trouble constantly, to act wild, to be disobedient, to have no reasoning skills, etc.?

Ummm....yes to all of your questions.

 

[Beezer]

Our son is 4 months old, and we are wondering what he is going to be like in a year or so, specifically in his character. Is it possible to have a well behaved 1, 2, 3 year old, etc., who is gentle, and quick to submit and be reasoned with? Or should we expect him to get into trouble constantly, to act wild, to be disobedient, to have no reasoning skills, etc.?

If you are consistent with training your son then he will not be getting into trouble constantly, acting wild, disobedient, etc. If you are not consistent then the trouble and disobedience will show itself more frequently and be harder to correct as he gets older. The other important variable is considering who else plays a formative role in nurturing/training your son. Both of my kids spent almost all of their first four years at home with my wife and their grandparents. We never had them in day care or in the hands of a nanny. If your situation is different and other adults (childcare, sitters, etc) are the ones spending most of the work week with your son then know that your influence on your child will be significantly less than you might think.

Whatever you do don't throw your hands up and buy into the bologna that kids will be kids and that unruliness should be winked at. I've been in environments (sadly often at church) where bad behavior in young children is not only tolerated, but brushed off as being somehow cute and funny. I'm always surprised at the hands-off attitude some parents take with their children. I was discussing parenting techniques with a Christian lady not long ago and she strongly believed that the best way to raise her children was to go hands-off and let them do what they want when they want. She opined that to correct them would be harmful to their mental development and that instead she tries to just be their best friend. Needless to say she's going through some serious parenting challenges right now, which will only get bigger as the children do.

 

[jwithnell]

Whatever you do, don't buy the idea that if you "input" the right discipline, training, education, God will "output" an obedient, polite, Christian child. Yes we are to train up our children, constantly teaching them, encouraging, and living out the gospel before them. How much our efforts are blessed remains entirely in God's hands. How much he erases the sin our children constantly see in us, is also of His grace.

In my experience, parenting is is a constantly humbling experience. Know God's word. Do everything you can to wisely apply what you learn. Then wait on God.

 

[Ryan&Amber2013]

I hear many parents of the older generation saying that their kids would never behave like many kids do now, that their kids had good manners, they would behave in public, that they wouldn't be obnoxious while around others, etc. Although only the Lord can change the heart, is it possible to shape the child's outward behavior to where it is pleasing in the sight of others?

 

[Jack K]

I hear many parents of the older generation saying that their kids would never behave like many kids do now, that their kids had good manners, they would behave in public, that they wouldn't be obnoxious while around others, etc. Although only the Lord can change the heart, is it possible to shape the child's outward behavior to where it is pleasing in the sight of others?

Social pressure was different then. With the right sort of parental pressure you might recreate it, or might not. There are no surefire formulas.

More importantly, while good manners are consistent with a life of faith, they are not a sure sign of faith and you must be careful not to give the impression they are your chief desire for your child. Your chief desire, I would think, is that your child has faith in Christ. Yet when I ask kids in Christian homes what they think their parents' biggest hope for them is, I often get answers like "they wish I were more polite," "they want me to be less wild," "they say I need to do better in school," "they want me to listen better," and so on. When the parents hear these responses, they protest that this certainly is not their chief desire for their child. Okay. But their focus on these things has given their child that impression.

So your question makes me want to say that teaching manners, while admirable and necessary, isn't going to be nearly as important as modelling faith. And faith is caught more than taught, so your focus needs to be on practicing faith in your family. Be a household that's quick to pray in all circumstances (this is the chief practice of faith), eager to hear the Word, and open about confessing sin while and seeking both forgiveness and growth in Christ. Raise your child in such a way and he will know that faith in Christ is what matters first.

Will he actually come to faith? We can be hopeful of that, but thankfully our hope is not in the methods we employ. You will quickly learn that you and your devotion to these methods are deeply flawed, however wise the methods might be. You don't want a world where right parenting produces a right child, because in that case your child is in big trouble. Be diligent and dutiful parents, to the best of your ability, but put your hope in God rather than in your methods.

 

[Edward]

I hear many parents of the older generation saying that their kids would never behave like many kids do now, that their kids had good manners, they would behave in public, that they wouldn't be obnoxious while around others, etc.

What they aren't telling you is that folks of my parent's generation had the judgment to know that there were places to take young children, and places to not take young children. You shouldn't expect to have a 2 year old, or a 4 year old behave like an adult in an adult setting.

 

[Ryan&Amber2013]

Those are very thoughtful responses. Thank you so much. I will surely try to apply them.