Giving to Strangers Because It's Christmas

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Andres

Puritan Board Doctor
I am currently thinking over an issue at work and I would appreciate some wisdom and input on my situation. Here is my issue: at my office one of our coworkers has sent an email out to everyone that reads as follows:

The Lord has sent us another family this year that is in need of help for Christmas. This family consists of 11 people. There are 7 children, a single mom, her brother that is also a single dad, and their elderly grandparents all living under one roof. Both single parents to the children have minimum wage employment. They try to make ends meet, but are really having a tough time. When we, contacted the mother (Melissa) and asked her if they could use some help, she broke out into tears and said yes. You could hear the sigh of relief as she cried. We as a DPS family, have the opportunity to bring joy to a struggling family. We could use your help by purchasing toys, clothes, food or anything that your heart desires. Lets come together and line the hallways with gifts like we have done in past years. The greatest blessing you can receive is by blessing someone else. Anyone who would like to help deliver these gifts is welcome to go. The date and time have not been set for the delivery of the gifts.

At the risk of sounding like a greedy miser, am I wrong for not feeling comfortable giving to this family? I understand that Christians are to help the needy and I guess based on this description, the family is certainly needy. My issue arises when people want to give the kids a lot of stuff simply because it’s Christmas. For example, last year this was done with a different family and there were several trashbags full of toys for a few children ( I think three kids). I was thinking, “do the kids really need this many toys?” What I mean is everyone at Christmas time is telling the families that they should have a lot of toys for their kids – almost like the kids deserve to receive lots of toys. Of course, then the children whose parents can’t give them all these toys feel jilted of sorts. Aren’t we perpetuating these feelings by piling toys on these kids? I can’t figure out why I don’t feel comfortable contributing to these types of things. The only other thing I can think of is that it feels self-righteous parading into the school with all theses sacks of gifts and then giving them away like we are so generous and kind.
Am I just being greedy? You can be honest with me (but gentle please).
 
You have the option to give just clothes or food or other necessities to the children. That's what I would do. Let others without compunctions about it give toys.

An experience I had as a Catholic gradeschooler: our class was among several who were given specific families in the inner city of Detroit to "give a Christmas to." We were all middle-middle class at that time. Anyway, we sacrificed for months for the mom and dad and about 4 kids and put together a nice bunch of toys, clothes for all, food, etc., etc. I was one of the kids selected to help deliver the stuff. We drove over to the east side of Detroit, to a house on a street called Holcomb (if anyone else knows Detroit: :eek:, even then). When we walked into the more-than-average-sized house, there was a color TV about 3 times larger than any of us had ever seen then. We just gaped at it. There was a huge and fantastically decorated Christmas tree. The furniture was better than we had at home. The nuns overseeing us saw what we saw and refused to comment. This soured me big-time: I was living in about an 800-sq. ft. home with 6 other people and one bathroom. :doh:

Now I only give to rescue missions around here and I keep it real local. There are plenty of people right around us here who are in a world of hurt & I like to help them out by means of churches' mercy funds, Pastor Kent Clark's mission in Pontiac and other outfits. The Detroit Rescue Mission Ministries (DRMM), to which I used to give, has been discredited.

Margaret
 
If you all collect that much stuff why are you giving it to just one family? Why wouldn't you share with another family too? Or am I misreading this? I would think one or two toys per kid or perhaps a family gift would be appropriate. You are right, it makes the parents feel worse most of the time. The parents can't afford it and the kids expect it. If they are hurting that much paying an electric bill, buying groceries, maybe even contributing to a rent/house payment would be far better than a bunch of plastic that ends up broken anyway.

My other problem with this kind of giving is you are basing all of your gift giving on assumptions. You don't even know if they will like what you are giving them. It seems like a waste of money and time. Wouldn't it be better to give the mom a gift card and let her buy what she thinks they would like? If you are going to give that seems like a better way to handle gifts.

Christmas makes people silly. Everyone thinks kids need toys and lots of them or somehow they are neglected.
 
Everyone thinks kids need toys and lots of them or somehow they are neglected.

Thanks Mindy. I think your statement above is what I have been struggling with most. To answer your other questions, I guess they want to give everything to that one family because it makes them (the givers) feel so good to see a bunch of stuff going to a family. As I mentioned, my office did it last year and here is another email that my coworker sent out that really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Trooper Larry Brown has nominated a family that is in need. Any kind of support would be great. I know that last year we changed the lives of three kids. I still get reports of how we helped the family from Merkel. Due to your kindness last year, teachers still stop me in the halls and tell me that the kids grades, self confidence, and overall happiness has improved and is still improving. So this family is just a little bit larger. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Please have gifts or whatever your donation is at the office by December 22nd, so Santa can deliver in a timely manner.
 
I have become uncomfortable with this as well. Why would any family be especially needy at Christmas, as opposed to any other time of year? The only reason would be that they have come to expect special gifts, food, etc. I don't think there is a special obligation for charity at this time of year, over and above other times of the year.

Christians are called to be charitable during all times of the year. The motivation for charity should be the recipients need, not what people might have come to expect.
 
I think it is appropriate and even admirable to make donations to a struggling family at Christmas. I realize some of you don't celebrate Christmas and that is fine. If I were you, I'd refrain from donating to such a cause that is centered around Christmas. But the fact is that the vast majority of Americans celebrate Christmas to some degree, and I see it as a great opportunity to give to those who have less than we do....even if it is toys.

As to the amount of toys, I like Mindy's point about spreading the generosity around. It makes no sense to pick one family in a struggling neighborhood and load them up with toys and other gifts. It's a much better use of resources to give less stuff to more people.

As to Margaret's story, I am sure there are many other cases just like that, but I think there's a tendency among us to assume that is the norm. There are a lot of families who are truly struggling.
 
I'm with Margaret--if you choose to participate, giving food or clothing may be the best option.

I agree we're called to be charitable all year, and I imagine most of us here are. But this is the time when our society is going to focus their energy on giving like this, so I give when the kettles are out, for example.
 
I think generosity can go beyond mere need.

I am glad for these kids, especially if they receive something in addition to clean socks and a can of chef boyardee for Christmas.
 
I think its a lovely idea to give Christmas gifts to a struggling family. But I do agree with Mindy's point that it may very well be better to give a few gifts to a number of families than to just overload one family.
 
At the risk of sounding like a greedy miser, am I wrong for not feeling comfortable giving to this family? I understand that Christians are to help the needy and I guess based on this description, the family is certainly needy. My issue arises when people want to give the kids a lot of stuff simply because it’s Christmas.

Well, yes, you could probably find a better cause to give to. And yes, Americans often get overly sentimental about showering kids with toys at Christmas. Good for you for noticing. We should apply wisdom to our charity.

But... don't forget that nearly all of our giving is flawed. Charity is often misdirected or even misused by the recipient. There's something Christ-like, though, about giving anyway. Whether or not the cause is the most worthy. Whether or not the program is set up well. After all, we aren't worthy of what we've received from God.

So what to do? The operative principle is to let compassion limit our compassion. Don't contribute if you think doing so will harm the recipient more than it helps. Otherwise, any giving you might decide to do is a good thing.
 
I'm just impressed that a gov't agency email had the statement "The Lord has sent us...". Makes me feel good about having been born in Abilene. At least out in West Texas gov't employees aren't afraid to acknowledge almighty God.

So give 'em a gift card of a few dollars... or get together with some co-workers and give one with a larger amount. Or just forget it and move on. Nodody's under any obligation, I would presume.
 
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