golf humor

[bigheavyq]

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the
doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The
doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"

The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such
good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up
and down the fairways."

The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got
to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"

The old timer said, "Who said my father's dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your
father is still alive? How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he
golfed with me this morning. That's why he's still alive,
he's a golfer."

The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's
more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when
he died?"

The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your
grandfather's still living! How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old."

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said,
"I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"

The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning
because he got married."

The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a
118-year-old guy want to get married?"

The old timer shot back, "Who said he wanted to?"

 

[Ivan]

 

[beej6]

Three pastors were finishing up their weekly game, walking onto the 18th green, when one said to the others, "Brothers, it's been a blessing playing with you today, on this wonderful day which the Lord has made. But I really need to unburden myself to you. I've committed the sin of adultery, and I ask you to pray for me. I don't know how to tell my wife, and I'm afraid that my congregation will find out and I'll lose my credibility."

The second pastor said, "I too have been carrying a burden. I'm afraid I've been continuing in my sin of drunkenness, and would you pray for me? If I don't get control of it, I fear that my flock will find out, and I'll lose my pulpit!"

A brief silence ensued, then the first pastor turned to the third one and asked, "Well, brother, don't you have any sins to confess?"

Finally, the third pastor said, "Yes, well, I confess that I'm an incurable gossip, and I can't wait to putt out and leave and tell everyone what I've just heard!"