The latest PEACEMAKERS mailing rattled me – and reminded me I am no good at fractions – and oh so good at blame-shifting!
If I have offended hurt, or confused another person – make it right, and make it right as soon as possible! And quit trying to split the difference!
If I have offended hurt, or confused another person – make it right, and make it right as soon as possible! And quit trying to split the difference!
When you're deep in a conflict with another person, isn't it hard to make a confession? Because most of us do not like to admit that we have sinned, we tend to conceal, deny, or rationalize our wrongs. If we cannot completely cover up what we have done, we try to minimize our wrongdoing by saying that we simply made a "mistake" or an "error in judgment." Or we may try to shift the blame to others or to say that they made us act the way we did.
When our wrongs are too obvious to ignore, we practice what you might call the 40/60 Rule. It goes something like this: "Well, I know I'm not perfect, and I admit I am partially to blame for this problem. I'd say that about 40% of the fault is mine. That means 60% of the fault is hers. Since she is 20% more to blame than I am, she should be the one to ask for forgiveness." We never actually say or think these exact words, but if we're honest we can often catch ourselves resorting to this tactic in subtle ways. By believing that our sins have been more than canceled by another's sins, we can divert attention from ourselves and avoid repentance and confession.
Confession is hard. But God gives us the grace for even the most difficult assignments.
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 120
Food for Thought
Take a few minutes to read Romans 5:1-11. This may be a familiar passage for you, but as you read it, think about the implications of Paul's words for you in the context of a conflict. Focus specifically on how this passage might shape your confession.
When our wrongs are too obvious to ignore, we practice what you might call the 40/60 Rule. It goes something like this: "Well, I know I'm not perfect, and I admit I am partially to blame for this problem. I'd say that about 40% of the fault is mine. That means 60% of the fault is hers. Since she is 20% more to blame than I am, she should be the one to ask for forgiveness." We never actually say or think these exact words, but if we're honest we can often catch ourselves resorting to this tactic in subtle ways. By believing that our sins have been more than canceled by another's sins, we can divert attention from ourselves and avoid repentance and confession.
Confession is hard. But God gives us the grace for even the most difficult assignments.
Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 120
Food for Thought
Take a few minutes to read Romans 5:1-11. This may be a familiar passage for you, but as you read it, think about the implications of Paul's words for you in the context of a conflict. Focus specifically on how this passage might shape your confession.
