ValleyofVision
Puritan Board Freshman
Or do you plan at all? My wife and I have a daughter (2 years old) and definitely want more children. Did you have an idea of how many you wanted (Lord Willing) or none at all?
How many children do you plan to have?
- Thread starter ValleyofVision
- Start date
- Status
reaganmarsh
Puritan Board Senior
We wanted 8-10, and in his wise providence, God has given us 2.
His ways are higher than our ways.
We're seeking to raise them in the Lord as faithfully as redeemed sinners can!
His ways are higher than our ways.
We're seeking to raise them in the Lord as faithfully as redeemed sinners can!
Alan D. Strange
Puritan Board Senior
Brother Reagan gives, as usual, an excellent answer.
One of the things that I deal with in premarital counseling is not only child-rearing and education (are the parents in biblical agreement?) but also number of children (understanding what Reagan says with respect to providence). The primary concern here is if one party is saying "no more than 2 or 3" and the other party is open to as many as the Lord will give (open, in other words, to numbers like 8-10 or more).
The point is that there needs to be general agreement before marriage about a number of things, including the number of children (if and as the Lord provides).
Peace,
Alan
One of the things that I deal with in premarital counseling is not only child-rearing and education (are the parents in biblical agreement?) but also number of children (understanding what Reagan says with respect to providence). The primary concern here is if one party is saying "no more than 2 or 3" and the other party is open to as many as the Lord will give (open, in other words, to numbers like 8-10 or more).
The point is that there needs to be general agreement before marriage about a number of things, including the number of children (if and as the Lord provides).
Peace,
Alan
Parakaleo
Puritan Board Sophomore
We have six right now. People say, "How many are going to have??" We say, "As many as God would give us. He opens and closes the womb."
I would encourage you not to plan, but adopt an overall posture of readiness to receive the blessing of children from the Lord.
I would encourage you not to plan, but adopt an overall posture of readiness to receive the blessing of children from the Lord.
Bill The Baptist
Puritan Board Graduate
We only planned to have 2, but ended up with 8. I guess the wisdom of God's providence goes both ways.
reaganmarsh
Puritan Board Senior
Indeed, brother; that it does.
I didn't want any, then I had four. Then I didn't want any more, but we adopted two. Then the County asked to adopted two more for a total of eight. But, 3.5 years later the County changed their minds and suddenly changed the placement of the youngest two. Back to six.
Plan away!
Plan away!
timfost
Puritan Board Senior
I probably had four in mind, though I was flexible. 
After two biological children, my wife talked to me about adopting through foster care. I was very skeptical, explaining that I thought I could never love someone else's children like my own. That all changed when we brought home a two-week-old boy from the courthouse. They explained that it would likely be an adoption. As it turned out, we had another baby boy placed with us shortly after. But in God's providence, biological family stepped up to the plate and the boys transitioned out of our home. It became painfully obvious that I could love "someone else's child" as my own.
Shortly after, a little boy was placed with us followed by an infant girl. The grandmother of the boy talked to us about adopting him, not thinking that their daughter would change bad habits. The little girl started visiting with her biological parents and it looked as if she would be reunited with them.
However, just the opposite became the reality. The little boy's mother turned her life around and the little girl's parents broke up and things fell apart with them. We were then able to adopt the little girl and became legal "kin" of the biological parents. Bio mom became pregnant before the breakup, and after baby two was born, mom decided she wouldn't be able to raise her, and because we were considered kin, the fifteen-day-old became the newest addition to our family. Both girls are now adopted, changing the status from foster to Foster (a pun that people like to point out quite often!).
Over last Christmas season, we welcome two more girls into the family, bringing the total to six girls. It looks as if we will be adopted them by the end of the year or early next year.
My point in telling this story is to demonstrate what has already been said: our plans don't always match what God has prepared for us, but he gives the strength to do what He sets before us. I never imagined my six covenant children would have four different fathers and three different mothers, but they are very much not "other people's children," but my very own.
After two biological children, my wife talked to me about adopting through foster care. I was very skeptical, explaining that I thought I could never love someone else's children like my own. That all changed when we brought home a two-week-old boy from the courthouse. They explained that it would likely be an adoption. As it turned out, we had another baby boy placed with us shortly after. But in God's providence, biological family stepped up to the plate and the boys transitioned out of our home. It became painfully obvious that I could love "someone else's child" as my own.Shortly after, a little boy was placed with us followed by an infant girl. The grandmother of the boy talked to us about adopting him, not thinking that their daughter would change bad habits. The little girl started visiting with her biological parents and it looked as if she would be reunited with them.
However, just the opposite became the reality. The little boy's mother turned her life around and the little girl's parents broke up and things fell apart with them. We were then able to adopt the little girl and became legal "kin" of the biological parents. Bio mom became pregnant before the breakup, and after baby two was born, mom decided she wouldn't be able to raise her, and because we were considered kin, the fifteen-day-old became the newest addition to our family. Both girls are now adopted, changing the status from foster to Foster (a pun that people like to point out quite often!).
Over last Christmas season, we welcome two more girls into the family, bringing the total to six girls. It looks as if we will be adopted them by the end of the year or early next year.
My point in telling this story is to demonstrate what has already been said: our plans don't always match what God has prepared for us, but he gives the strength to do what He sets before us. I never imagined my six covenant children would have four different fathers and three different mothers, but they are very much not "other people's children," but my very own.
My plan was to have two but the Lord blessed us with seven. If you want a big family I would (as Allen said ) make sure your wife is in agreement. Make sure you can both handle the duties and responsibilities that come with each additional child and make sure that your wife can handle multiple births not everyone can, protecting your wife should be your first priority. May the Lord bless you and your wife with as many children as he sees fit to give you.
ValleyofVision
Puritan Board Freshman
Thank you all for your responses. My wife had an awful labor that still has her frightened which is why we have been waiting and considering adoption as well.
Alan D. Strange
Puritan Board Senior
Joshua:
I would seek the counsel and ministry of your local church in this as well as trusted doctors (much could be said about this latter category, but I trust that you get my drift), especially as none of us here know the particulars of your case (the "awful labor" for instance, which could mean a myriad of things).
My point here is that I advise carefulness and no rush to a decision, either to have no more children or to adopt. Whatever you do (and those, of course, are not mutually exclusive), do not make a hasty decision, but one accompanied by the Word, prayer and conversation together and with trusted counselors.
Peace,
Alan
I would seek the counsel and ministry of your local church in this as well as trusted doctors (much could be said about this latter category, but I trust that you get my drift), especially as none of us here know the particulars of your case (the "awful labor" for instance, which could mean a myriad of things).
My point here is that I advise carefulness and no rush to a decision, either to have no more children or to adopt. Whatever you do (and those, of course, are not mutually exclusive), do not make a hasty decision, but one accompanied by the Word, prayer and conversation together and with trusted counselors.
Peace,
Alan
ZackF
Puritan Board Professor
Well....we have a six year old daughter and Lord willing DW will be delivering in October. One plus one is two but Lord has seen fit to take at least three of ours before they were born. We certainly didn't 'plan' such pain and disappointment as that but accept the He did. Soli Deo Gloria.
TylerRay
Puritan Board Graduate
From the beginning, my wife and I knew we wanted a large family; and somewhere along the way we became convinced that family planning was not our prerogative anyway. Thus far, the Lord has blessed us with wonderful productivity! He has given us three children as yet, the oldest of whom is three and a half.
Steve Curtis
Puritan Board Senior
Alan alludes to our situation when he references the role of doctors - we had been told we couldn't have any children for medical reasons. Then, years later, we were wonderfully blessed by God with two boys! Both pregnancies were medically difficult for my wife (who suffers from chronic illnesses) and doctors now tell us that it would be quite dangerous for her to bear another child. The point being that we prayerfully chose to accept no children, then two children, then no more children - all with a (sometimes wavering) view toward gladly receiving from our heavenly Father all that He deigns, by grace, to give to us.
jomawh
Puritan Board Freshman
In my teenage years I was a member of an Evangelical Free church. There was a couple there (coincidentally the man was from the Philippines while the wife was a blonde, blue-eyed American) that had five boys before they decided to both undergo procedures in order to not be able to have any more children- lo and behold, some time later they found out she was pregnant, in spite of his vasectomy and her tubal ligation, with a girl.
It really is up to the Lord.
bookslover
Puritan Board Doctor
I have three children, all long since grown up (my youngest is 31). My late wife once told me that she would have liked to have a fourth child if her muscular dystrophy hadn't started making serious inroads on her health.
Ryan&Amber2013
Puritan Board Senior
There is a thought that I've thought about lately. This life is made up of lots of fragments that are left undone because sadly we all die. We must leave our family which we love so dearly, when there could have been so many more memories to be made and love to share. But here is the encouragement: when we think about heaven, we can rejoice in trusting that the Lord will regather us together, but this time perfectly forever. The things that were left undone in this world will be complete in the life to come. What joy it will be to feel the embrace of our spouse and children from this life. How happy we will be to see them clothed in perfection and know that nothing will separate us ever again. How sweet it will be to be regathered in love and continue to make treasured memories together. These thoughts have caused me to want a large family. How lovely it will be to spend eternity with them. Even for those who have had miscarriags, think about the day you will finally meet that little one who left this world before you. That reunion must be one of the most sweet things imaginable.
ValleyofVision
Puritan Board Freshman
Out of all the responses on here it has led us to one thing : God is the Maker and Creator of all things.. and I am thankful for your responses as it has, in a way, relieved the pressure off my wife and I to rush things. What will come will come in the time He appoints and if not, He is still good.
It seems that a lot of us have shared in something that had devastated my wife and I.. our miscarriage before our daughter was born. It felt like our hearts were ripped out of our bodies and was definitely a trial time for my relationship with the Lord.
Here is an off topic conversation that sparked attention (Ryan your comment guided this)... will we meet again? Will I see my wife again and recognize her? Will I see friends who have passed on (that I haven't spoken to in years) and will we remember each other? Will I see my daughter and will she still know me as "daddy"?
I have now taken my thoughts and they have exploded with questions... please forgive me.
2 Samuel 12, when David's infant child died, David confidently said, "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me" (v. 23)
It seems that a lot of us have shared in something that had devastated my wife and I.. our miscarriage before our daughter was born. It felt like our hearts were ripped out of our bodies and was definitely a trial time for my relationship with the Lord.
Here is an off topic conversation that sparked attention (Ryan your comment guided this)... will we meet again? Will I see my wife again and recognize her? Will I see friends who have passed on (that I haven't spoken to in years) and will we remember each other? Will I see my daughter and will she still know me as "daddy"?
I have now taken my thoughts and they have exploded with questions... please forgive me.
2 Samuel 12, when David's infant child died, David confidently said, "I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me" (v. 23)
Ryan&Amber2013
Puritan Board Senior
As reformed people, I think we focus a lot on our desire for heaven because Jesus is there, and this is amazing. As well though, I believe one of the best parts of heaven will be reuniting with those people we so dearly loved on earth.
We lost our little Joyful in a miscarriage a few years ago. One of the reasons I can more willingly leave this world and desire to be in heaven is because I'm looking forward to being with and uniting with the one we lost, as Joyful is so dear to our hearts.
I truly believe the Lord in his grace will deal so kindly with us that he will make this possible.
Last edited:
Steve Curtis
Puritan Board Senior
So many times, I have pondered similar questions only to conclude that God has not given us definitive answers for each situation. My hope, though, is grounded in that which He has been pleased to reveal: He is wholly good, and when I know as I am known and when this body of sin - plagued as it is with doubt and vestiges of proud rebellion against His perfections - is finally and fully transformed, I will wholly delight in His goodness, His justice, His holiness, and His love, which I can only do but imperfectly now.
I like the way the Canons of Dort put it...
Canons of Dort, Chapter 1, Article 17 ("The Salvation of the Infants of Believers"), affirms: Since we must make judgments about God's will from his Word, which testifies that the children of believers are holy, not by nature but by virtue of the gracious covenant in which they together with their parents are included, godly parents ought not to doubt the election and salvation of their children whom God calls out of this life in infancy.
Canons of Dort, Chapter 1, Article 17 ("The Salvation of the Infants of Believers"), affirms: Since we must make judgments about God's will from his Word, which testifies that the children of believers are holy, not by nature but by virtue of the gracious covenant in which they together with their parents are included, godly parents ought not to doubt the election and salvation of their children whom God calls out of this life in infancy.
earl40
Puritan Board Professor
Ed Walsh
Puritan Board Senior
This is a lazy post. It is a duplicate of a post from last February. Sorry for the lack of creativity.
Psalms 127:3ff (KJV)
3 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
1. Children are a blessing from the Lord - a Reward from God.
2. Lots of children are great. The more the better.
3. Children are to be directed by their parents. They are never considered a burden - rather they are a defense for their parents.
Notes:
a. No one in the Bible, not even among the wicked, is condemned, or considered irresponsible for having too many children.
b. The Bible everywhere promotes having children, lots of them, as a blessing from the Lord.
c. In the Bible, children are never considered a burden to their parents. Rather, children increase the net wealth of a family. The more children you have, the greater your family wealth. Just as the increase of your animals increases your wealth, so also do children. (Deuteronomy 7:13)
IMPORTANT - The burden of proof lies with those who consider the possibility that a child could be born that is not a blessing from the Lord.
The Lord is very interested in the view you have of having children. He notices, for example, if one wife may be loved less than another and opens or closes the womb accordingly. Children are presented not as a will of man, but as the prerogative of God to open or close the womb as He sees fit.
See the whole story of Jacob’s family recorded mostly in Genesis 29 & 30. Notice how often we see that it is the Lord who opens and closes the womb as He sees fit.
Two Examples:
Genesis 30:22
And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.
Genesis 29:31
And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.
Don't think for a moment that God doesn't take notice when we fearfully decide that a child will not be a blessing. He hates such thoughts and treats us accordingly.
What I am NOT saying:
I am not saying that we must use all means possible to have as many children as possible. I am saying that the Bible teaches that the opening and closing the womb is God's prerogative - not ours. Birth control is not so much a matter of good stewardship as it is a lack of faith. Mary and I did not use birth control measures, and we only had six children - not sixteen. Many couples will have only one or two children no matter how hard they try. More couples than you may imagine can not bear children at all.
My advice is to relax, trust God, and enjoy your marriage leaving the results to God. He can be trusted, and He IS watching.
ValleyofVision
Puritan Board Freshman
Parakaleo
Puritan Board Sophomore
Wonderful stuff, Ed! I have contemplated whether our Lord might treat those who leave off bearing children for worldly reasons like the servant who buried the talent in the ground.
- Status
Similar threads
