you know, last night after replying to the "to serious" thread I realized that I feel drained of joy. This wasn't a good feeling, I miss my joy though I'm suppose to be able to have my Joy in the Lord and his Word, but it put me in a stooper, and not to touch on a sensative subject but that man Jaybird..his "obituary" on the home page..I read it some times, I don't know why but when they said he was home with the Lord (praise God btw) I just get this shooting in my stomach..I try to fathom an afterlife..I try to think of it but I end up feeling drained and empty..almost like I'm treating it as wishful thinking..then I realized that I honestly FEEL like everything I'm doing...is kinda a empty wisfhul thinking..reading the word puts my mind to ease..but the second I stop..its like I'm suddenly snapped out of this "dream sequence" where everything is going fine and dandy. Last night I tried to read the Word and snap my self out of those awful feelings but it just wouldn't work..so I decided to just try to shut it out and sleep..hoping I would wake up better..refreshed..I woke up with the same thoughts in my head..still plaguing me..making me miserable inside..I screwed up BAD today..I mean...I was the most ungodly person today..now I find myself just sitting here...the days over and i'm regretting with every fiber in my body what I did...sitting here not even understanding how God could forgive me for such easily moved..easily stirred faith! (sometimes I doubt I even have that!!) I feel like I'm blown around in every direction..my emotions constantly feed my decisions..I try to shut them out, I prayed that God will help guard me against them..but I fell regardless caught between feeling like I was just doing the motions, and feeling depressed over a seemingly loss of joy, a wishfullness to not have to change on my friends..because I become so serious..my conversations become limitted (not an excuse) ..I'm desparing right no...I need..advice..edification..something! I wish so much to follow the Lord! but every worldy Doctrine, problem, and emotion seems to be able to sweep me off my feet so easily help please help