Individual economics and lack of marriage

arapahoepark

Puritan Board Graduate
I am probably late to the party on this one but, I was just thinking about how many avenues there are career wise and that this might be the driving force toward delaying marriage and/or why many are unsuitable.
With such a wide division of labor and increasing technology and interests no wonder its wonder why the search is harder.
Certain and many lines of work don't mingle nor have anything in common.
Of course, all these career choices aren't necessarily a bad thing but, it got me thinking, are we perhaps too individualist on this count? I am unsure of any remedies since its doubtful it can be reversed.
Thoughts?
 

Jack K

Puritan Board Professor
But Trent is right in the sense that when two young people are both in the beginning stages of a career track, trying to devote much effort to advancement in their chosen fields (including long hours at work, a willingness to move, a constant interest in the unique activities that define their field, etc.), those lifestyles can compete against courtship and marriage.

Furthermore, in American culture, especially among specialized professionals, people are conditioned to define themselves and each other in large part by what they do. Doctors feel a special camaraderie among other medical professionals, etc. I know I felt this when I was a television journalist. It's a highly specialized field with unique challenges, and anyone who did a different sort of work could not really understand me in some ways that fellow TV journalists could.

Of course, anyone who was not a believer could not understand me in ways that matter much more, so the career differentiation was not the defining issue in my case. But to answer Trent's question: yes, I suspect the many different career avenues in our culture does make it somewhat harder to find a potential spouse who already shares common secondary values and a common approach to day-to-day life. The way we migrate all across the country, and the way we are a nation of immigrants, probably plays a big role too, since even those who share Christ will have differing secondary values based on region and nation of origin. If we were all farmers who grew up in the same neighborhood we would be more likely to begin with more shared values and shared interests.

BUT... your spouse is always going to be different from you—even if the two of you grew up on neighboring farms, doing the same chores, and attending the same church. It always takes work to get to know the other person and to put aside your preferences and your way of thinking in order to love them and enter into their world. In our culture, this may be more evident up-front, but I'm not sure that's necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps it just helps up learn from the get-go the hard lesson that marriage requires some death to oneself.
 

arapahoepark

Puritan Board Graduate
But Trent is right in the sense that when two young people are both in the beginning stages of a career track, trying to devote much effort to advancement in their chosen fields (including long hours at work, a willingness to move, a constant interest in the unique activities that define their field, etc.), those lifestyles can compete against courtship and marriage.

Furthermore, in American culture, especially among specialized professionals, people are conditioned to define themselves and each other in large part by what they do. Doctors feel a special camaraderie among other medical professionals, etc. I know I felt this when I was a television journalist. It's a highly specialized field with unique challenges, and anyone who did a different sort of work could not really understand me in some ways that fellow TV journalists could.

Of course, anyone who was not a believer could not understand me in ways that matter much more, so the career differentiation was not the defining issue in my case. But to answer Trent's question: yes, I suspect the many different career avenues in our culture does make it somewhat harder to find a potential spouse who already shares common secondary values and a common approach to day-to-day life. The way we migrate all across the country, and the way we are a nation of immigrants, probably plays a big role too, since even those who share Christ will have differing secondary values based on region and nation of origin. If we were all farmers who grew up in the same neighborhood we would be more likely to begin with more shared values and shared interests.

BUT... your spouse is always going to be different from you—even if the two of you grew up on neighboring farms, doing the same chores, and attending the same church. It always takes work to get to know the other person and to put aside your preferences and your way of thinking in order to love them and enter into their world. In our culture, this may be more evident up-front, but I'm not sure that's necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps it just helps up learn from the get-go the hard lesson that marriage requires some death to oneself.
Thanks.
I ask because I feel like I am on another rung of the socio-economic ladder than most in my church and the singles group. Our hobbies seem to differ as a result.
 

James Marr

Puritan Board Freshman
I was thinking of something similar the other day, often people ask 'what do you do?' we reply with what we do to earn money... I thought maybe a christians question should be 'what do you know?'.. The blessed grace of of God in Christ...
 
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