Mushroom
Puritan Board Doctor
Whew, this implying law upon personal scruples is suffocating... but I can get on board with it...
I demand that you all cut your hair to exactly one inch length and comb no part in it. All hair. You need to be at least as ugly as me or you must be violating some law. Not sure which, but I'll get to work on it.
And while you're at it, I think contact lenses are an indication of vanity, so let's get rid of those as well - what kind of witness can we expect to put forth while exercising such vaingloriousness? And what's the deal with all this dandy-dressing necktie stuff? Plain blue pajamas for everybody - with coolie hats. And no more make-up, of course.
I demand that you all cut your hair to exactly one inch length and comb no part in it. All hair. You need to be at least as ugly as me or you must be violating some law. Not sure which, but I'll get to work on it.
And while you're at it, I think contact lenses are an indication of vanity, so let's get rid of those as well - what kind of witness can we expect to put forth while exercising such vaingloriousness? And what's the deal with all this dandy-dressing necktie stuff? Plain blue pajamas for everybody - with coolie hats. And no more make-up, of course.