Little-known historical "facts" from Dave Barry

[Nebrexan]

Meanwhile, in Wittenberg, Germany, a priest named Martin Luther nailed ninety-five theses to the church door. This made the church very angry because nobody could read the bingo announcements. As a punishment, Luther was sentenced to the Diet of Worms, which was so disgusting that he started the Protestant Reformation. This movement got a boost in 1534 when Henry VIII started the Church of England after the pope refused to let him divorce his first wife, Elizabeth Taylor.

Henry went on to have a number of wives, most of whom died in freak guillotine accidents. The next major monarch was Mary Tudor, who was known as "Bloody Mary" because she invented the celery garnish. She was succeeded by Elizabeth I, who is the mother of the current queen and is still periodically seen blinking into TV news cameras on her birthday. She presided over the Elizabethan Era, which produced the immortal William Shakespeare, who wrote such timeless works as Richard II, Richard III, Richard III Strikes Back, and Hamlet Hears a Who, and who gave us a priceless legacy of famous phrases that, to this very day, are pretty much incomprehensible.

-- Dave Barry, Dave Barry's History of the millennium (So Far)

 

[LadyCalvinist]

 

[Dragoon]

Priceless, although my history professor would have a cow if he read this.

 

[Whitefield]

Meanwhile, in Wittenberg, Germany, a priest named Martin Luther nailed ninety-five theses to the church door. This made the church very angry because nobody could read the bingo announcements. As a punishment, Luther was sentenced to the Diet of Worms, which was so disgusting that he started the Protestant Reformation. This movement got a boost in 1534 when Henry VIII started the Church of England after the pope refused to let him divorce his first wife, Elizabeth Taylor.

Henry went on to have a number of wives, most of whom died in freak guillotine accidents. The next major monarch was Mary Tudor, who was known as "Bloody Mary" because she invented the celery garnish. She was succeeded by Elizabeth I, who is the mother of the current queen and is still periodically seen blinking into TV news cameras on her birthday. She presided over the Elizabethan Era, which produced the immortal William Shakespeare, who wrote such timeless works as Richard II, Richard III, Richard III Strikes Back, and Hamlet Hears a Who, and who gave us a priceless legacy of famous phrases that, to this very day, are pretty much incomprehensible.

-- Dave Barry, Dave Barry's History of the millennium (So Far)

That reads like a history paper written by a student in public high school.

 

[Berean]

Thanks! You can always count on Dave Barry. Good stuff!

 

[Reluctantly Reforming]

That reads like a history paper written by a student in public high school.

Except that it's not full of Wikipedia citations.

 

[PresbyDane]

 

[turmeric]

I SO needed that!

 

[SarahB]

too good!

 

[MrMerlin777]

 

[BertMulder]

That sounds like the history of Canada in my possession.

Would attach it here (is an audio file), but would be breaking copyright laws...

You can get your copy here:

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