Marriage and living in right relationship.

[Carl Copsey]

My cousin sent me a message and he's really trying to figure this thing out. Obviously living in sin. What would any of you say to someone who is in this kind of pain, turmoil and struggle? This situation?

Here's the quote that I would like to share with you. How would any of you answer? Thank you in advance!

"I have a question I've been living with what I call my wife for 14 years we haven't been able to legualy get married because she had a kidney transplant and if she devorces her husband she will lose her disability cause she fell short of being able to get it on her Merritt I don't know what to do she needs her insurance and the little bit of cash she gets makes it possible for us to survive how can I be married in the eyes of God I really want to live right but our government make it imposible in our hearts we are married but in the eyes of the law we are not I care more about the eyes of God what can I do to acheve that?"

Sent from my SCH-I545PP using Tapatalk

 

[Scott Bushey]

14 years.....In the eyes of God, she has a husband still. Some things are not simple. Does your cousin have a job? Insurance? Sounds like the money issue is more important than doing whats actually right. It is hard to let go of finances that you have grown to depend on. in my opinion, stick to the basics of what you know, theologically.

 

[Tom Hart]

What, according to your cousin, does God think of his lifestyle? Is his manner of living right or wrong? Why? If it is wrong, how can it be rectified?

If your cousin has a sense of his sinfulness, then he must follow through with action.

 

[Contra_Mundum]

Here a little sin, there a little tragedy. Little things add up, and pretty soon you could have some major problems.

The reality on the ground is nothing to joke about, of course. He says he cares about "the eyes of God." Question is: what does he know about those eyes? His one concern seems to be that there's discrepancy between

1) how he views his relationship with the woman,
2) how she views her relationship with him and her relationship with her husband
3) how the state views her legal/paper defined conditions
4) how God views his relationship with the woman​

What does he think about how God views him?
What is his legal relationship with God?
Are there words on a page somewhere that clearly lay this out?

The "sense" he seems to have that his relationship with the woman is wrong on some level comes from someplace. Probably from some combination of the law on the heart, social conventions about the propriety of marriage, and the Bible mediated to his conscience in some fashion. It might be possible to appeal to him from the Bible, in a genuine effort to get him to see matters comprehensively as God does.

If, overnight, all the issues connected with this human relationship were resolved, and that in a way that made everyone happy... for instance:

the husband now in the picture ceased to be a factor,
the medical costs were all paid for,
and all money problems dried up;​

would the two just get married and live happily ever after? Would God be happy? How would you know? Would you know because of the happy (to the two people) ending?

The Bible talks about wicked people who have nice lives, their problems are all solved. It talks about complacent people, having few disturbances while ignoring God as a rule. The Bible says sin of every sort estranges us utterly from God; nor can we get in his good graces by identifying one specific sin and fixing it and its consequences ourselves.

This man seems to care about this woman. And he seems to want some kind of orderly relationship with God. Will his concern for that orderly relationship with God remain, if the woman in the equation were suddenly irrelevant? Or, would there be no more "cause" for God's concern? Or would there still be some relics of guilt he thought he might have to atone for?

The man's primary concern needs to be an orderly relationship with God. That it is a wreck. That he is condemned, and under the wrath of God, is not firstly a factor of this relationship with the woman. The top issue is prior to that relationship, even if the disorderly nature of the relationship constantly adds to his guilt. And, the penalty for sin remains, even after all the money from the bank robbery is all spent, even after the bank makes a fresh profit.

Tom has already pointed out that if the man's conscience is burning, he needs to put it out--by taking the fuel away, not by severing it, not by building an oven around the fire, or any other expedient. It is probably necessary that he discover more fires, his conscience breaking out in more guilt and shame for a long trail of defiance. But whether this one situation is sufficient, or more are necessary, to humble him before God so he asks him for mercy, the latter has to happen.

God could provide answers for the relationship issues. He may also be interested in calling the woman to repentance and faith. She's got her own issues to face before God. What does she think about that? But in any case, the man should want to find forgiveness with God, and walk before him in the Spirit in righteousness, regardless of what happens relationally, medically, financially, etc.

He should not continue living with the woman who is not his wife in fact. That part is actually easy. If he feels responsible for her needs in some way, he can still help her out (as if he were her husband) as perhaps he has been. It's the sexual relationship that is (by all sides agreed, I think) impossible to "clean up" under the present conditions. "It is not lawful for you to have her." Mt.14:4.

I hope you have more than temporary success trying to help your cousin. May God use you, and maybe some of the above will be helpful.

 

[Edward]

she needs her insurance and the little bit of cash she gets makes it possible for us to survive

It's always good to use proper traditional terminology when discussing things. Terms like adulteress, cuckold, and whoremonger, for example. If one uses proper terminology, it's easier to spot the issues.

(Nice little discussion of the last term here https://www.gotquestions.org/whoremonger.html) without endorsing either the website or the theology espoused therein).

 

[KMK]

What does his pastor say?

 

[Edward]

What does his pastor say?

I re-read the original post a couple of times. Why do you think he has a pastor?

 

[Edm]

On top of the adultery part, I would say there is also the issue of fraud. Using it as an excuse to collect insurance money. While technically they may be checking the boxes, it is done dishonestly. Or maybe not...But that would bother me also.

 

[RamistThomist]

It's always good to use proper traditional terminology when discussing things. Terms like adulteress, cuckold, and whoremonger, for example. If one uses proper terminology, it's easier to spot the issues.

(Nice little discussion of the last term here https://www.gotquestions.org/whoremonger.html) without endorsing either the website or the theology espoused therein).

Like this:

The word whoremonger in the Bible is one who “mongers” with “whores”

KJV English was a much manlier language.

 

[Edward]

I would say there is also the issue of fraud. Using it as an excuse to collect insurance money.

Well, being married and counting the husband's income might be what disqualifies her from Medicaid or Obamacare.

As for the husband, perhaps he is inspired by Hosea.

Or maybe we are just being trolled.