Memorable TV Quotes

[Puritanhead]

The Simpsons

Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, I'd like you to remember Matthew 7:26. "The foolish man who built his house upon the sand."
Homer: [pointing a finger] And you remember
[pauses to think up something]
Matthew... 21:17.
Reverend Lovejoy: [confused] "And he left them and went out of the city, into Bethany, and he lodged there?"
Homer: Yeah. Think about it.

[Edited on 9-18-2005 by Puritanhead]

 

[Puritanhead]

[This is right after Milhouse moves out of town, Skinner and Willie are shocked to learn that Bart and Lisa have become best friends]

Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

 

[Puritanhead]

Rev. Lovejoy: Once the government approves something, it's no longer immoral!

 

[Puritanhead]

Oh yeah! Homer watching Jeopardy is funny...

TV: The capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
Homer: Hitler!
Marge: [a perplexed, but excited response] Hitler, North Dakota?

 

[VirginiaHuguenot]

Seinfeld quotes:

"You're through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!" -- Elaine

"The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli..." -- George

"Serenity now, insanity later." -- Lloyd Braun

"Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?" -- Jerry

"Believe it or not George isn't at home
Please leave a message at the beep
I must be out or I'd pick up the phone
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not home" -- George's answering machine message

"A Festivus for the rest of us!" -- Frank

 

[Puritanhead]

Dobie Gillis

Dobie: "I don't have anything against work. I just figure, why deprive somebody who really loves it."

 

[Puritanhead]

Mister Ed

Mister Ed: Stop gabbin' and get me some oats!

 

[VirginiaHuguenot]

Family Ties quotes:

Mallory: "Alex, I told you whenever you take a message to write down who called, when they called, and what it was about."
Alex: "I did. Somebody stupid called, sometime today, about something trivial."

Alex: "Good evening. Keaton Manor. Oh, dad... I meant, in a manor of speaking, hello... Keaton."

Steven: "Nick, when did you first become interested in art?"
Nick: "I don't know."
Steven: "Could you expand on that?"
Nick: "I-I-I-I-I D-O-O-O-O-N-T K-N-O-O-O-O-W."
Steven: "I see..."
Mallory: "Dad, don't interrupt him!"
Steven: "I'm sorry, Nick, what were you going to say after I-I-I-I-I D-O-O-O-O-N-T K-N-O-O-O-O-W?"
Nick: "I-I-I-I-I D-O-O-O-O-N-T R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R."
Steven: "So, Nick, do you go to school?"
Nick: "No."
Steven: "Could you be a little more specific?"
Nick: "Yeah, like, when school's on, I'm not there."

Nick: "I'm sorry I'm not the type of guy you want Mallory to go out with. You know, I ain't no Charles Bronson."

Alex: "Come on dad. Are you planning to stay mad at us forever?"
Steven: "That is my plan."

Elyse: "Steven, what are you going to do? She's eighteen! What do we do? Ground her?"
Steven: "Oh yes, we can ground her. Ground her as she's never been grounded before. Ground her deep, ground her long, ground her hard."


[Edited on 9-18-2005 by VirginiaHuguenot]

 

[VirginiaHuguenot]

Norm (Cheers) quotes:

"What's new Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"Women. Can't live with 'em....pass the beer nuts."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody."

"Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

 

[VirginiaHuguenot]

Star Trek, Next Generation quotes:

"Engage!" -- Captain Picard

"Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise" -- Cmdr. Riker

"Let's make sure that history never forgets the name... Enterprise" -- Captain Picard

"If you prick me, do I not... leak?" -- Data

"If there's nothing wrong with me... maybe there's something wrong with the universe!" -- Dr. Crusher

"Synthetic Scotch, synthetic Commanders..." -- Captain Scott, Scotty

"We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile. We are the Borg." -- The Borg

"All good things must come to an end..." -- Q

 

[Arch2k]

Family Matters

STEVE URKEL: "Did I do that?"

STEVE URKEL: "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

 

[Richard King]

OK...one I remember from CHEERS. Diane agrees to be Cliff's date for gala Postmasters Award Banquet. She gets all dolled up in an evening gown and goes back to Cheers to meet Cliff. She walks in and Woody says...."Gee Miss Chambers...you look like a hundred bucks."

 

[Scott Bushey]

From 'Oh Brother where art though':
Ulysses Everett McGill: Say, any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'?

 

[PuritanCovenanter]

I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?