Never, Never, Never Shake a Prophetess

Discussion in 'Cults & World Religions' started by Theogenes, Jul 18, 2008.

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  1. Theogenes

    Theogenes Puritan Board Junior

    I'm sure you're all familiar with the "Never, Never, Never Shake A Baby" campaign to prevent Shaken Baby syndrome (brain damage). Well, it seems like we need a "Never, Never, Never Shake a Prophetess" campaign to help prevent the same brain damage (although it may be too late!).

    Here's a clip of the supposed commissioning of Todd Bentley as an Apostle:


    PS, You might want to have your anti-nausea medication available!
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2008
  2. Jon Peters

    Jon Peters Puritan Board Sophomore

    Very embarrassing. I feel very sorry for that lady.
  3. Josiah

    Josiah Puritan Board Senior

    This sort of stuff seems to be predominant here in WA State where I live. I meet people all the time that are charismatic. This almost reminds me of the euphoric pagan prophecies of the oracle of delphi.

    :offtopic: but...

    When I was a boxboy at the local grociery store (I was seventeen) I helped an elderly woman out with here groceries and as I was walking here to the car, she got this glazed over look in her eye and she started shaking her head and humming. I was very scared. I asked her if she was alright several times and even offered to go in and get help (as most would during a medical emergency), but she said, while still humming and shaking, "No, Im fine Im just in the spirit!". I stayed with her for a little less than twenty minuets because she seemed to be almost unable to drive off let alone close the door to her car in the state she was in.
  4. ericfromcowtown

    ericfromcowtown Puritan Board Sophomore

    Is there a chiropractor in the house! My neck hurts just watching it.
  5. Davidius

    Davidius Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    Goodness! That can't be good for her neck.
  6. BobVigneault

    BobVigneault Bawberator

    One hand grenade would get them all.

    "...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
  7. Seb

    Seb Puritan Board Junior


    Why am I reminded of Jimmy Carter all of a sudden? :think: :lol:
  8. kvanlaan

    kvanlaan Puritan Board Doctor

    Wow, that was odd. And Todd was the one on the ground, I'm guessing. Probably the only time he didn't kick anyone in the head or cause tumors to explode during his 'ministry'.

    If they'd only left him there on the ground.

    (BTW - the sound that that woman made was really bizarre, kinda like a locomotive but then again not. Interesting people, worthy of a whole team of psychologists.)
  9. TimV

    TimV Puritanboard Botanist

    Can't we add an emoticon that shows shaking to emphasize a point in our posts?
  10. BobVigneault

    BobVigneault Bawberator

    From "Yahoo Answers"
    I thought this person did a nice job with his/her answer.
  11. turmeric

    turmeric Megerator

    She was kinda soundin' like a rattler startin' to get riled.

    I look at these, I guess, for the same reason some people stare at traffic accidents; I'm sure it's not admirable.
  12. JonathanHunt

    JonathanHunt Puritan Board Senior

    No, the hand grenade was for the deadly killer rabbit. This is far more gross!
  13. BobVigneault

    BobVigneault Bawberator

    Here's a weird one. Every time he says the name "Bob" he gets anointed. Conversely, every time I hear him say the name "Bob" I want to castrate him.

    This man is another clear justification for the praying of an imprecatory prayer. He is blasphemous, he causes thousands to stumble, he uses the Lord's name in vain, he does great violence to worship, he steals in God's name, he bears false witness and he is covetous. He worships angels and calls on demons. He is voluntarily in league with Satan and is an enemy of God. I pray the Lord would silence this enemy soon.
  14. turmeric

    turmeric Megerator

    I listened very carefully...and I'm sure he never actually said "Bawb"! so you're okay.

    That guy is a menace! I'm embarrased that members of my species are that suggestible!!
  15. TheocraticMonarchist

    TheocraticMonarchist Puritan Board Junior

    How's this for the 'end times'; the Pope is the Anti Christ and the false prophet comes out of the charasmatics?

    Do you think we could persuade 'ol MacArthur to write another book?

  16. Reformingstudent

    Reformingstudent Puritan Board Junior


    Nuff said.
  17. MrMerlin777

    MrMerlin777 Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    These folks are worse than the old time street mountebanks and snake oil salesmen.

  18. panta dokimazete

    panta dokimazete Panting Donkey Machete

    {{{looks for vomit smiley...}}}

  19. panta dokimazete

    panta dokimazete Panting Donkey Machete

    AMEN and AMEN!!
  20. govols

    govols Puritan Board Junior

    Hope she has ball bearings on her neck.
  21. rjlynam

    rjlynam Puritan Board Sophomore

    This must have been a reformed bunch. I didn't see any poisonous snakes being handled.

  22. Southern Presbyterian

    Southern Presbyterian Puritan Board Doctor

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
  23. toddpedlar

    toddpedlar Iron Dramatist

    shake, shake, shake... shake your HEAD-y!
  24. toddpedlar

    toddpedlar Iron Dramatist

    in all seriousness, I have to agree with Bawb... (not to be confused with Bob of the anointing)

    This character, whose name I am ashamed to share, looks to be one of the most awful, blasphemous shysters I've ever seen... and I will tell you my desire for him to be struck down isn't probably *entirely* righteous. He is selling stuff from the pit of Hell, and seems as far as I can see to be nothing but the spawn of Satan.
  25. Southern Presbyterian

    Southern Presbyterian Puritan Board Doctor

    Don't be shy. Tell us how you really feel. :)

    BTW, I agree entirely.
  26. pilgrim3970

    pilgrim3970 Puritan Board Freshman

    wow...that just strikes me as demonic
  27. pilgrim3970

    pilgrim3970 Puritan Board Freshman

    :lol: oh... now that's funny!!
  28. Ivan

    Ivan Pastor

    I can see him warming up his laptop.
  29. DMcFadden

    DMcFadden Puritanboard Commissioner

    Can any of you tell me truly that you still want to waste your time studying Calvin, Turretin, Hodge, Bavinck, or Warfield when all you need is an unhinged C4 - C7 vertabrae and the ability to speak during violent shaking without a Doppler effect distortion to your enunciation?

    Being reared in broad evangelicalism breeds a kind of "live and let live" tolerance of a fairly wide range of expressions of the faith. THIS, however, is enough to put me in Rich's camp on charismania. What does a non-cessationist like Grudem do with this kind of phenomena???
  30. panta dokimazete

    panta dokimazete Panting Donkey Machete

    Rebukes it as from the pits of Hell, I imagine...:think:
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