Never, Never, Never Shake a Prophetess

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Theogenes

Puritan Board Junior
I'm sure you're all familiar with the "Never, Never, Never Shake A Baby" campaign to prevent Shaken Baby syndrome (brain damage). Well, it seems like we need a "Never, Never, Never Shake a Prophetess" campaign to help prevent the same brain damage (although it may be too late!).

Here's a clip of the supposed commissioning of Todd Bentley as an Apostle:
[video=youtube;Gjl5wKso9eU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gjl5wKso9eU[/video]

Jim

PS, You might want to have your anti-nausea medication available!
 
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Josiah

Puritan Board Senior
This sort of stuff seems to be predominant here in WA State where I live. I meet people all the time that are charismatic. This almost reminds me of the euphoric pagan prophecies of the oracle of delphi.

:offtopic: but...

When I was a boxboy at the local grociery store (I was seventeen) I helped an elderly woman out with here groceries and as I was walking here to the car, she got this glazed over look in her eye and she started shaking her head and humming. I was very scared. I asked her if she was alright several times and even offered to go in and get help (as most would during a medical emergency), but she said, while still humming and shaking, "No, Im fine Im just in the spirit!". I stayed with her for a little less than twenty minuets because she seemed to be almost unable to drive off let alone close the door to her car in the state she was in.
 

BobVigneault

Bawberator
One hand grenade would get them all.

"...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
 

Seb

Puritan Board Junior
"...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
:lol:

Why am I reminded of Jimmy Carter all of a sudden? :think: :lol:
 

kvanlaan

Puritan Board Doctor
Wow, that was odd. And Todd was the one on the ground, I'm guessing. Probably the only time he didn't kick anyone in the head or cause tumors to explode during his 'ministry'.

If they'd only left him there on the ground.

(BTW - the sound that that woman made was really bizarre, kinda like a locomotive but then again not. Interesting people, worthy of a whole team of psychologists.)
 

TimV

Puritanboard Botanist
Can't we add an emoticon that shows shaking to emphasize a point in our posts?
 

BobVigneault

Bawberator
From "Yahoo Answers"
Question: Are being "slain in the Spirit", shaking/convulsing, collapsing, laughing hysterically, etc...?
Scriptural as to the manifestation of the Holy Spirit? Are these actions of God or are they man-made delusions?

Viki, I'm not asking about the validity of the Holy Spirit's manifestations; I'm asking if this is how the Holy Spirit does manifest and if the Bible specifically mentions these experiences.

Answer: I believe that the vast majority of the things we see Pentecostal people doing today are completely false.

I traveled in those circles once upon a time, and I could tell you a lot of stories about man's ability to deceive himself.

When you have pastors who have been equipped with false doctrine and who have very little accountability, and a congregation with weak or no Bible knowledge, the result is an environment where error flourishes. The pastor is put on a pedestal and the modern 'manifestations of the Holy Spirit' are coveted like status symbols---proof that God is with you or that you are really spiritual. Although you will never hear a Pentecostal disagree with the fact that all things need to be tested against Scripture, the fact of the matter is that they simply don't do it. Between their trust in their pastor and their feeble understanding of the Scriptures, Pentecostals remain blissfully and ignorantly content. They assume that they are being ministered to by the Holy Spirit, and that they need nothing more. They can't see that they are actually caught up in a vicious circle of self deception---feeding off of their own emotional and ecstatic expressions.
I thought this person did a nice job with his/her answer.
 

turmeric

Megerator
She was kinda soundin' like a rattler startin' to get riled.

I look at these, I guess, for the same reason some people stare at traffic accidents; I'm sure it's not admirable.
 

JonathanHunt

Puritan Board Senior
One hand grenade would get them all.

"...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
No, the hand grenade was for the deadly killer rabbit. This is far more gross!
 

BobVigneault

Bawberator
Here's a weird one. Every time he says the name "Bob" he gets anointed. Conversely, every time I hear him say the name "Bob" I want to castrate him.
[video=youtube;3LzbLUQWodk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LzbLUQWodk&feature=related[/video]

This man is another clear justification for the praying of an imprecatory prayer. He is blasphemous, he causes thousands to stumble, he uses the Lord's name in vain, he does great violence to worship, he steals in God's name, he bears false witness and he is covetous. He worships angels and calls on demons. He is voluntarily in league with Satan and is an enemy of God. I pray the Lord would silence this enemy soon.
 

turmeric

Megerator
I listened very carefully...and I'm sure he never actually said "Bawb"! so you're okay.

That guy is a menace! I'm embarrased that members of my species are that suggestible!!
 

TheocraticMonarchist

Puritan Board Junior
How's this for the 'end times'; the Pope is the Anti Christ and the false prophet comes out of the charasmatics?

Do you think we could persuade 'ol MacArthur to write another book?

:think:
 

panta dokimazete

Panting Donkey Machete
This man is another clear justification for the praying of an imprecatory prayer. He is blasphemous, he causes thousands to stumble, he uses the Lord's name in vain, he does great violence to worship, he steals in God's name, he bears false witness and he is covetous. He worships angels and calls on demons. He is voluntarily in league with Satan and is an enemy of God. I pray the Lord would silence this enemy soon.
AMEN and AMEN!!
 

rjlynam

Puritan Board Sophomore
This must have been a reformed bunch. I didn't see any poisonous snakes being handled.

:lol:
 

toddpedlar

Iron Dramatist
in all seriousness, I have to agree with Bawb... (not to be confused with Bob of the anointing)

This character, whose name I am ashamed to share, looks to be one of the most awful, blasphemous shysters I've ever seen... and I will tell you my desire for him to be struck down isn't probably *entirely* righteous. He is selling stuff from the pit of Hell, and seems as far as I can see to be nothing but the spawn of Satan.
 

Southern Presbyterian

Puritan Board Doctor
in all seriousness, I have to agree with Bawb... (not to be confused with Bob of the anointing)

This character, whose name I am ashamed to share, looks to be one of the most awful, blasphemous shysters I've ever seen... and I will tell you my desire for him to be struck down isn't probably *entirely* righteous. He is selling stuff from the pit of Hell, and seems as far as I can see to be nothing but the spawn of Satan.
Don't be shy. Tell us how you really feel. :)

BTW, I agree entirely.
 

DMcFadden

Puritanboard Commissioner
Can any of you tell me truly that you still want to waste your time studying Calvin, Turretin, Hodge, Bavinck, or Warfield when all you need is an unhinged C4 - C7 vertabrae and the ability to speak during violent shaking without a Doppler effect distortion to your enunciation?

Being reared in broad evangelicalism breeds a kind of "live and let live" tolerance of a fairly wide range of expressions of the faith. THIS, however, is enough to put me in Rich's camp on charismania. What does a non-cessationist like Grudem do with this kind of phenomena???
 
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