Non-Believers as Friends

[Rufus]

What does the Bible say on this issue? Opinions? Issues?

 

[christiana]

We cannot have fellowship with non believers. They are our mission field! What fellowship has light with darkness?

 

[au5t1n]

It depends on what is meant by "friend." I have classmates that often sit by me and we talk a lot and I think we would consider each other "friends" from our bonding over mutual struggles with schoolwork.

 

[MMasztal]

I think one has to parse friendship more precisely. Jesus was rebuked by the Jewish leadership for dining with tax collectors and other “sinners" to which he responded he didn’t come to save the righteous, but to save sinners. That being said, I couldn’t have a close friendship with non-believers especially if they expressed antipathy toward God.

 

[Jack K]

There's a sense in which the closer you become to an unbelieving friend the harder it is. Their life is simply based on a different foundation than your own, and this gets in the way of deep friendship. They can still be friends, of a sort. But it reaches a limit.

When this happens we must not take an off-putting "I can't be friends with you" attitude. Rather, we should be saddened. And as much as possible, we must strive to be friendly toward all.

 

[kvanlaan]

When we lived in China, we were close friends with a Mormon family and spent a lot of time among their community. We had a number of very significant conversations with them, but in the end, I think there was too much fellowship and not enough gospel. In Scripture, we see neither Christ nor the Apostles 'hang out' with unbelievers. Yes, they spend time with them, but there is always purpose therein, they never chill with them and watch a gladiator match and then head on home afterward with a hi-5 and a 'see you next time'. So can we have true friendship with unbelievers? I don't think so, nor should we kid ourselves into thinking that this time is somehow our own to spend with them as we please.

 

[Kevin]

How can you not? If you don't share time, space, and food with someone how do share the gospel with them?

 

[kvanlaan]

But Kevin, do you then go into 'stealth mode', eat with them, befriend them, spend time with them, and then spring the gospel on them once you have their 'trust'? I think we all run into enough people in a day to not take that tack with regards to evangelizing the lost. Living the Christian life will ensure that we run across these people, but we must remain unapologetically Christian, by both treating everyone we meet with charity and openness, but also in sharing with them the new life we've been given in Christ. (My apologies if I'm reading you incorrectly, but I've seen too many people take this approach that I'm assuming and then themselves move to the other side of the fence because building these relationships means that they must compromise more and more of their beliefs in order to make 'progress' with those to whom they are witnessing).

 

[Zenas]

There are many unbelievers I would count among my friends. Granted, not "close" friends in the sense that I have the same connection with them as I do with other believers with whom I am friends, but still a very abiding relationship. It does sadden me that they are not in Christ, it saddens me every time that fact becomes so painfully obvious. That is not to say that I am not or cannot be friends with them. I have and do continue to keep in contact with them on a very consistent basis.

 

[JonathanHunt]

I have unbelieving friends, but they are not as close as the believing ones - mainly because my heart is on my sleeve and it does create a distance.

 

[FCC]

It depends on how you are going to define friend. Jesus had close friends in his disciples. They were the ones that he was close wtih and shared in his struggles and mission work here on earth. The others, the sinners and publicans, I would define more as associates. They were his mission field. They were the lost who needed salvation! They did not share in his struggles or mission but were instead the recepients of his work.

I have many associates and few close friends. In my job as a police officer I constantly hear that my fellow officers would lay down their lives for me, or as one of them puts it "I would take a bullet for you!" I, too, would die, not only for my fellow officers, but for the citizens of the community in which I live. But that doesn't make them my friends. They do not share in my struggles and mission, they are the objects of my mission (and frequently the cause of my struggles!).

We must be cautious and careful around those "in the world." They are at enmity with Christ and can't be a close friend of a Christian. As Jack K put it, they have a different foundation of life than we do as Christians.

"I have not sat with vain persons, neither will I go in with dissemblers. I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked." Paslm 26:4-5

"Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful" Psalm 1:1

 

[kvanlaan]

I have unbelieving friends, but they are not as close as the believing ones - mainly because my heart is on my sleeve and it does create a distance.

I think this is part of the key - when someone has known you for a period of time and then says, upon hearing you can't go to the game with them on Sunday, "Oh, I can't, I have church" - if they then reply "Oh, I never knew you were a Christian," well, that really hurts. Wear your heart on your sleeve - it should be apparent in all you do where your heart is and who you serve.

 

[Kevin]

Kvan, example from this morning. when i parked my car at my office building (the church rents an office in a business centre) a man going in at the same time stopped me to talk about his marriage breakdown and ask if we could go out to lunch and asked me to pray for him.

He is a non-xn that I met and became friends with 5/6 years ago. we get together a couple of times a month. He visits our church rarely, holidays that kind of thing. I always ask what I can pray for him for when we part & I usually pray on the spot.

I find asking how to pray for people goes over very well, with 99+% of people & the nature of your friendship is open. they often become closer to you after you begin praying with them. in my opinion prayer evangelism is a much neglected tool.

 

[tlharvey7]

all unbelievers hate God.... no matter what they say or how nice they seem to be (when LIsa and i had hard times, we recieved more $ help from our unbelieving friends than the church, who seemed to question why we were in our situation!) it is that hatred of the Lord that draws a line in the sand for us...

we can love them, extend grace and common human dignity to them, and we must always be vigilant to preach the gospel to them through everyday experiences.... but there will always be that friction. I have recently seperated myself from my older brother because everytime (for the past 14 years) we got together he mocked and ridiculed me and my family. we will never be friends.
it's the nature of our pilgrimage. I find that when with a group of people you can say "Lord" or "God" without much responce, but the minute you say the name of "Jesus" it's like a social bomb goes off... everything changes

the real question is "can we be friends with liberals? lol

 

[kvanlaan]

Kvan, example from this morning. when i parked my car at my office building (the church rents an office in a business centre) a man going in at the same time stopped me to talk about his marriage breakdown and ask if we could go out to lunch and asked me to pray for him.

He is a non-xn that I met and became friends with 5/6 years ago. we get together a couple of times a month. He visits our church rarely, holidays that kind of thing. I always ask what I can pray for him for when we part & I usually pray on the spot.

I find asking how to pray for people goes over very well, with 99+% of people & the nature of your friendship is open. they often become closer to you after you begin praying with them. in my opinion prayer evangelism is a much neglected tool.

That's an awesome example. Blessings, brother.

 

[earl40]

in my opinion prayer evangelism is a much neglected tool.

Sneeky.

 

[Christopher88]

I have friends that are weak believers and I guess school friends who are not believers. I find that the danger really comes with friends who are weak believers. You feel the need not to live the gospel in front of them (at least I fall to that) and end up taking on the weaker behaviors. Now with my strong believing friends who are much stronger than I, I am more Christ like.

What does scripture say regarding this?

I keep thinking of David and Jonathan; I lack this type of relationship in my life. The bible speaks strong about companionship with believers. In my view Americans in general lack this type of intimate relationship. The question is why?


(If you aren't sure of what I mean by that, please read 1 Samuel)

 

[steadfast7]

Were the disciples all believers when Jesus first befriended them?

 

[ac7k]

I found that after I was saved that I naturally gravitated towards people of like mind and spirit... Now I am not a social butterfly by any means... but the few friends I do have are from church. Now of course I have acquaintances when dealing with kids parents in Baseball and the like... and that would be my mission field, but I would not call them a friend.

Looking up the definition of a friend:
a person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "he was my best friend at the university"

I wouldn't have trust with a non-believer.

Just my thoughts...

 

[kvanlaan]

in my opinion prayer evangelism is a much neglected tool.

Sneeky.

But that's just it, I don't see it as sneaky at all - it is unapologetically Christian and you are bringing that to the fore each and every time you talk to these people. You are reaching out without compromising and ministering to their suffering. It is compassion in action and without camoflage.

 

[J. Dean]

I have good acquaintences as unbelieving friends, but I've been pretty clear (but not obnoxious) about being a Christian (You'd think the multiple times I've said stuff about going to church, going to Bible study, and constant references to fellowship with God would be some kind of hint). My good friends are Christians, some Arminian, some Reformed.

I've also lost friends because of Christianity. I lost a very good high school friend ("good" in the relatively mundane meaning of the word) when he decided to go his own way and I drew a line in the sand about it. I wasn't the most mature Christian at that point, but I knew better than to follow the path he was taking. We say hi on facebook once in a while now, but short of his conversion, we're irreconcilable.

 

[discipulo]

I pretty much shun unbelievers, as well as nominal believers, Arminians, and Baptists. You're all peasants. Peasants, I tell ya.

You forgot the Papists ! Man, the Papists and the Jews are the worse of all. So thankful we're not like them!

 

[Rufus]

All of my friends are not believers (the one's I know in person), before you get angry this is because I 1) Can only attend church occasionally because I cannot drive 2) The lack of people in my school that are Christians beyond "family" or being nominal. I still stand for the truth of God when the situation comes.

 

[jayce475]

All of my friends are not believers (the one's I know in person), before you get angry this is because I 1) Can only attend church occasionally because I cannot drive 2) The lack of people in my school that are Christians beyond "family" or being nominal. I still stand for the truth of God when the situation comes.

Perhaps pray for God to open the way up to more Christian fellowship?

 

[Gloria]

One of my closest friends isn't a believer. By his grace, she will be. I just share the truth, live out my faith and keep it moving.

 

[jambo]

Fellowship is one thing, friendship is another. One can have fellowship with a Christian friend but one cannot have fellowship with a non-Christian friend however good a friend they may be. I actually find it lamentable that Christians today by and large have so few non-Christian friends. Jesus was known as 'a friend of sinners' yet many Christians today have almost shut themselves away from a non-Christian world. I understand the need for growth and encouragement, I understand the truth of Ps 1 about the blessed man not walking in the counsel of the wicked, standing in the way of sinners or sitting at the seat of scoffers etc but I also see the need for Christians to be salt and light in their local community, to have that point of contact where they can speak as dying men to dying men.

My wife and I always felt that if our middle son was converted it would make such an impact on his friends. After his conversion in September we have seen some of his friends come along to church including some with drug problems and other deep rooted problems. All are needy people crying out for something. Some have said how they need to sort their lives out and have been asking many questions and given Andrew many opportunities for him to speak to his friends. There are dangers of course and we have warned and advised Andrew of all this and at the end of the day all we can really do is pray for him and his friends.

I would say be careful and be aware and whilst being different with a different set of values and a different lifestyle yet to make friends with non-Christians if you can.

---------- Post added at 03:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:13 PM ----------

I am of course meaning friendship between men and men or women and women. Friendship between a believer and a non-believe of the other sex is a different thing altogether

 

[Romans922]

Stuart started the distinction, but someone must first define what a friend is before we can answer this question. Some people here mean friend as a close friend, best friend type. Yet some are meaning friend as an acquaintance.

So what Sean do you mean by friend?