Not Like-Minded

Discussion in 'Church Calendar and Pretended Holy Days' started by Herald, Apr 20, 2019.

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  1. Herald

    Herald Administrator Staff Member

    Given the fact that tomorrow is celebrated as Easter by many non-eastern Christians, it seems like a good opportunity to bring up a reality for many of us. How do we navigate the pitfalls of a husband and wife not being like-minded on religious holidays? I did not embrace Calvinism until the late 1990s and I did not come to a full conviction on my current position on religious holidays until several years ago. However, my dear bride and I are not like-minded on the issue. As should be expected, we are not like-minded on Calvinism either, although she extends charity to me in that area.

    I take the opportunity at Easter and Christmas time to (delicately) share my reasons for changing my view. BTW, I use the terms "Easter" and "Christmas" for references purposes only. While our conversations are less contentious than they used to be, she has not changed her mind. I have decided not to take an authoritarian position. Ordering her not to do something will have a negative impact well beyond the issue of religious holiday observance. I am praying that a kind and compassionate spirit (on my part) will lead to more fruitful conversations and (hopefully) a change of position on her part.

    How do some of you who are in a similar situation deal with it?
     
  2. Ryan&Amber2013

    Ryan&Amber2013 Puritan Board Junior

    I would imagine having the elders who are like minded giving some encouragement somehow. It's much easier to do something when others are already doing it.
     
  3. Herald

    Herald Administrator Staff Member

    That may help if your elders are like-minded!
     
  4. Kinghezy

    Kinghezy Puritan Board Freshman

    Or, like-minded in your direction!
     
  5. Herald

    Herald Administrator Staff Member

    Strike two!
     
  6. OPC'n

    OPC'n Puritan Board Doctor

    It annoys me when people place Easter and Christmas as holy days. I try and not let that show to others who view them as holy days. I give good info on why I celebrate Christmas as I would the 4th or ThanksGiving etc (I don't even know when Easter is coming until someone tells me) and then let it go. I don't think it's a huge deal. I think their heart is in the right place and that's a start. There's bigger hills to fight on.
     
  7. EvanVK

    EvanVK Puritan Board Freshman

    Hi Herald, I have a very similiar situation with my wife. I wish I could say we’ve moved closer to being like minded but we haven’t (going on about 6 years now). I also didn’t take an authoritative position but maybe I should have. It’s been extremely hard on our marriage and family.
     
  8. Scott Bushey

    Scott Bushey Puritan Board Doctor

    Bill,
    It has been a slow process for my family; many years. But with prayer and patience, God is moving. In fact, my wife and daughter just came back from an Easter dinner w/ extended family; although my wife;'s heart is not into anything more than the party itself. My daughter, is a bit slower to gain substantial ground for many reasons; one being that many of her friends attend a Calvary Chapel. I am forever having to unwind things for her. Sigh.
     
  9. Jeri Tanner

    Jeri Tanner Moderator Staff Member

    We live in hard times for the family. One thing I’ve considered because of my own hardheadedness (though not in theological areas) in my marriage is that I wish my husband had been firmer with communicating and requiring my at least acquiescence in many things. (He would roll his eyes at my saying that, I’m sure, as he knows how I would have resisted!) I love reading Calvin’s occasional insights on women. We can be childish and stubborn and need correction. But in our day that fact is less accepted, even in Christian homes. But I wonder, Bill, if it might not be the right thing to show her in the Scripture what God has to say about her following your lead. Even if she laughs or gets angry you could continue to be loving and patient, even while you stand firm on the truth.
     
  10. Herald

    Herald Administrator Staff Member

    Tough call. While a husband is supposed to provide spiritual leadership in the home, there is a certain amount of pastoral care that comes along for the ride. I had to ask myself whether I wanted to win the battle but alienate my wife.
     
  11. Herald

    Herald Administrator Staff Member

    Jeri, that has been done. In the beginning, it was not with as much care and compassion as it is today. I don't want to give the impression that there hasn't been any progress. There has been. It's just that it's small and incremental.
     
  12. Jeri Tanner

    Jeri Tanner Moderator Staff Member

    Scott’s post is encouraging and God has worked in me to listen better to my husband and actually recognize that he has much better sense than me in many areas, ha! It’s encouraging that you’ve seen that small and incremental progress. May it become a winding peaceful river!
     
  13. VictorBravo

    VictorBravo Administrator Staff Member

    I praise God how blessed I am. Easter is big here. When someone asks my wife about our Easter plans, she goes sort of Jenny Geddes on them:

    "We don't participate in those popish inventions. I cannot stand chocolate bunnies or those horrid marshmallow-filled candy eggs! We celebrate the life, death, and resurrection of our Lord every Lord's Day!"
     
  14. Herald

    Herald Administrator Staff Member

    LOL Vic, your dear bride takes no prisoners! That's great.
     
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