Paraprosdokian sentences

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Semper Fidelis

2 Timothy 2:24-25
Staff member
Paraprosdokian sentences : A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending to a series or phrase.

  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  • War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
  • Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
  • I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice..
  • Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
  • I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  • There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  • I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
  • A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.


Puritan Board Doctor
All of those were entertaining. What made me laugh the hardest was: "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."


Staff member
Don't try to teach a pig to sing. You won't get very far and you'll anger the pig.


Puritan Board Senior
* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
* He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
* It's not falling off a 30 story building that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end.
* Better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
* My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where she is
* You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 Rs, only one begins with an R
* If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
* Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely
* Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
* Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell
* Before you can win a game, you have to not lose it
* If you make every game a life and death proposition, you're going to have problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot
* Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies
* If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning
* I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me
* Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you
* If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door
* I have the heart of a liberal. I keep it in a jar on my shelf
* Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation
* Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye
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