Paraprosdokian sentences : A figure of speech that uses an unexpected ending to a series or phrase.
- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
- Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice..
- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
- I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
- There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
- I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
- You're never too old to learn something stupid.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
- A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.