Positive thoughts, compassion fatigue, our duties, and sin.

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Pergamum

Ordinary Guy (TM)
Hello,

I think my compassion muscle is broken.

I will try to be very open in this confession. We have lived among a rough tribal society for 12 years and now am exhausted with illness. I have pitied and have felt compassion for the women and children. We love our tribe in the abstract. We love them for real and have wept for them many times...in the past. Too many times. We've housed the sick in our home for months and had several die in our living room before we had any sort of medical facility built.

But when we got sick and burned out, now we just feel numb.

I found myself at one point during a sad crisis asking my wife, "How should I feel about this? What would a good Christian feel at this moment...I am numb. I have no feelings, I am just too tired"

My inner emotions seem to be a very poor guide. I've gained a cynicism and pessimism about human nature. This is consistent with human depravity I am sure, but we are still to love people despite this. I even treat people medically, even after they threaten me (a fight happens, I then intervene, I get punched, blood is drawn, after the fight ends I then treat the participants who come to my porch). This has happened more than once. I do this out of duty, but I often do not like them. One of them asked me, "Do you treat my wounds because you like me." I responded once, "You are awful...I treat you because I love Jesus. There is nothing about you to like."

The "love" is an action, but there is no feeling of "love" sometimes. I feel like Mr Grinch, my heart is a lump of coal.

Another missionary said this is common and called it "compassion fatigue" - it feels like a numbness. We had a young American girl come and visit us and cry because she missed her family, and I think she was looking for comfort from my wife or I. My wife just couldn't do it. She just looked at her and said, "You've been gone from your family only 1 month....we've been gone for more than a decade...you'll get used to it."

Do any of you experience compassion fatigue? How do you smile and comfort people when you feel numb? Do you have readings or prayers to go to to re-awaken that part of your heart that feels love for others? If I do not feel compassion, but I still practice compassion, is this good enough for now (can I "fake it until I make it"?). What would a good Christian do and what would a good Christian feel?

Edit: I just heard one of my teachers I sent with church donations to a remote post was kidnapped, raped, and beaten over a 5 day period and kept in a treehouse. I am so sad for the teacher, but I also want blood from the perpetrators. I feel anger and maybe even hatred towards them and want them punished....to punish them myself.
 
A practical truth upon which to meditate is the compassion the Lord has over His own people, despite their unworthiness, terrible treatment of His laws, mercies and forgiveness, etc. In light of this, we ought cry to the Lord to stir up in us a shame for how we've mistreated His kindness, His mercies, and -in turn- we've failed to act toward others with the same patience and mercy He has acted toward us. We might cry out to Him for a greater sense of compassion and, though we might not be granted that sense right away, act according to what we know is our duty. None of this precludes justice, however, for violations of the Law, so long as we place the retribution of such things into the hands of those lawfully commissioned to handle such things.
 
A practical truth upon which to meditate is the compassion the Lord has over His own people, despite their unworthiness, terrible treatment of His laws, mercies and forgiveness, etc. In light of this, we ought cry to the Lord to stir up in us a shame for how we've mistreated His kindness, His mercies, and -in turn- we've failed to act toward others with the same patience and mercy He has acted toward us. We might cry out to Him for a greater sense of compassion and, though we might not be granted that sense right away, act according to what we know is our duty. None of this precludes justice, however, for violations of the Law, so long as we place the retribution of such things into the hands of those lawfully commissioned to handle such things.
Thank you so much. Exactly what I needed. We are contacting the police and has written a full report today. Rereading it made me sick to my stomach and seethe with anger. In the past the government has refused to send police, even in cases of murder.
 
The action is more important than the feeling, to be sure. You have been compassionate far more truly than someone who sheds a tear and moves on. Very often the less sensitive are actually more effective in helping.

There is a great need for sympathy, and there are those who are exceptionally gifted in that. I don't mean to minimize its importance, or suggest that you shouldn't cultivate a tender heart. But if you are helping, if you are showing patience and gentleness, the fact that you're not upset inside might be as much of a help as an hindrance.

As for exercising compassion when you don't sympathize with someone's problem, I think remembering that you didn't start where you are now is helpful. Or think of your children: you might shrug off without noticing something that really upsets them, but you understand that it may also be the worst thing they've experienced so far, and so you take their tears and fears seriously.

Exercising compassion when someone can't be sympathized with because of their wickedness is a very tall order; but one to which the examples of our Lord and the saints call us. Sometimes we lay down a dichotomy, that someone is "rather to be pitied than censured." But the Lord pitied those who were profoundly censurable.
 
Pergs, is this the same situation you told us about before or a second teacher? What a sick heartache.

I would also say that acts are more important than feelings which can debilitate rather than enable us. But I understand that exhausted, negative feelings can make the acts heavier. I'm so sorry. I think of what has happened to your body and that your spirit may be like that too -- just so run down with caring for others, needing this time of recovery.

I also feel very angry at those who did this to your teacher. And there does need to be earthly justice in this. I will pray for it. But I also desperately need eternal mercy, and I will pray that for them too.
 
The action is more important than the feeling, to be sure. You have been compassionate far more truly than someone who sheds a tear and moves on. Very often the less sensitive are actually more effective in helping.

There is a great need for sympathy, and there are those who are exceptionally gifted in that. I don't mean to minimize its importance, or suggest that you shouldn't cultivate a tender heart. But if you are helping, if you are showing patience and gentleness, the fact that you're not upset inside might be as much of a help as an hindrance.

As for exercising compassion when you don't sympathize with someone's problem, I think remembering that you didn't start where you are now is helpful. Or think of your children: you might shrug off without noticing something that really upsets them, but you understand that it may also be the worst thing they've experienced so far, and so you take their tears and fears seriously.

Exercising compassion when someone can't be sympathized with because of their wickedness is a very tall order; but one to which the examples of our Lord and the saints call us. Sometimes we lay down a dichotomy, that someone is "rather to be pitied than censured." But the Lord pitied those who were profoundly censurable.

Thank you, this is a very good truth to remember that you wrote above:

"Sometimes we lay down a dichotomy, that someone is "rather to be pitied than censured." But the Lord pitied those who were profoundly censurable."
 
Pergs, is this the same situation you told us about before or a second teacher? What a sick heartache.

I would also say that acts are more important than feelings which can debilitate rather than enable us. But I understand that exhausted, negative feelings can make the acts heavier. I'm so sorry. I think of what has happened to your body and that your spirit may be like that too -- just so run down with caring for others, needing this time of recovery.

I also feel very angry at those who did this to your teacher. And there does need to be earthly justice in this. I will pray for it. But I also desperately need eternal mercy, and I will pray that for them too.
Same teacher. But the full report came out. I thought it was an isolated one-time event, not a 5-day ordeal in the jungle, such that the teacher was so distressed she grabbed the perpetrator's bow and arrow and attempted to take her own life rather than endure anymore.
 
The action is more important than the feeling, to be sure. You have been compassionate far more truly than someone who sheds a tear and moves on. Very often the less sensitive are actually more effective in helping.

This is indeed the case. At risk of derailing the tread, this dichotomy of feelers and doers is most apparent in the difference is giving patterns generally speaking between those on the 'left' and the 'right'. All of the feelings, consciousness raising, awareness creating, compassion, sympathy, empathy seem to just evaporate when the rubber meets the road. More to the point when the dollar meets the need. I've noticed this anecdotally at my various workplaces. Those first to march in a parade, express their compassion for XYZ group and so forth give very little to school supply drives, food drives, events actually involving work (not showing off), blood drives or collections taken for anything. Many of the givers may express skepticism at times or some weariness but they give. The wailers, whiners and lecturers don't. I don't know what that makes them, cheerful non-givers? In our wickedness we Christians may not always be cheerful givers as God demands but by Christ's Blood we are declared so. Rest in that.
 
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