Potentially moving cross country - unique situation, looking for advice

[mattmisk]

Hi all,

I'm a sometimes-lurker of the forums here, and I wanted to get some advice on my situation. In short, we've been seriously considering moving from our relatively populated area out into the country, but the number of variables are too many to figure out. It's complicated, and here goes...

Currently:
-I'm in my 30s with a wife and two kids under 3 (and we're hoping to have 4-5 kids in total).
-We live on the east coast on the outskirts of a capital city, and attend an incredible OPC church. However, we are a 35 minute drive from the church, and the majority of people our age live in the *other* direction, making it hard to get together and fellowship regularly.
-Our state is quite purple, aka middle of the road politically.
-Our best friends are my parents who currently live 10 minutes away. They have said they would follow us if we were to relocate.
-I'm self-employed and work is all electronic, so we can live wherever we want to, as long as we have high speed internet.

Our reasons for wanting to move:
-We would like to raise our kids in the country. I grew up in the country, and think it's a great place to raise kids.
-We would like to have more land. We feel somewhat cramped here in our suburb, and would just love to be surrounded by more nature and isolation. I'd like to stand on my front porch and not see any neighbors - let alone my back porch!
-We have something of a prepper-lite mindset, and don't like the idea of being close to a big city. We'd like to become more self-sufficient and my wife is keen on having a homestead of sorts.
-We'd like to live closer to whatever church we are attending. Our current church is in the middle of the capital, and I've looked numerous times into moving closer - getting a comparable house to what we have now is literally 2x as expensive or more. Meanwhile, moving to the country, the same house is 1/2 as expensive, with more land. If we decide to not move, we will *have* to move closer to our church, but it will be hard to make it work.
-Lower cost of living. With my work situation, there's really no reason to live so close to a big city, where costs are higher.
-We'd like to move to a much more conservative state, one with better homeschooling and gun laws. Hopefully this will result in being surrounded by people who are *more* like-minded (knowing that fully like-minded people may be few and far between no matter where you go).
-We are long-term thinkers, and want to position ourselves and our posterity well for whatever may come in the future.

So let's say the wise choice is to move. But where? Since with my job I can live anywhere, and my parents will follow us (so they say at least), it makes it extremely difficult to figure out. I've spent hours and hours pouring through house listings and cross-referencing with nearby churches and other variables, compiling tables with statistics for prospective states...

Should we try to start by picking a church, then finding a nearby home? Let's say we pick church X as being a great church we want to attend, then we find home Y nearby. The issue that occurs, is that in most cases, church X is the *only* church that seems good in that area, so we'd be really putting all of our eggs in one basket...what if the church turns out to not be so great? And if we don't start by picking a church, and instead pick a home - it's *very* possible that we end up with a home that is farther from a good church than where we are now! So ideally, we want a home that could house 6 people, on 5+ acres, within 15 minutes of multiple good reformed churches. Ha!

The amount of information and number of variables is overwhelming. Any advice or thoughts much appreciated!

 

[Wretched Man]

Hi all,

I'm a sometimes-lurker of the forums here, and I wanted to get some advice on my situation. In short, we've been seriously considering moving from our relatively populated area out into the country, but the number of variables are too many to figure out. It's complicated, and here goes...

Currently:
-I'm in my 30s with a wife and two kids under 3 (and we're hoping to have 4-5 kids in total).
-We live on the east coast on the outskirts of a capital city, and attend an incredible OPC church. However, we are a 35 minute drive from the church, and the majority of people our age live in the *other* direction, making it hard to get together and fellowship regularly.
-Our state is quite purple, aka middle of the road politically.
-Our best friends are my parents who currently live 10 minutes away. They have said they would follow us if we were to relocate.
-I'm self-employed and work is all electronic, so we can live wherever we want to, as long as we have high speed internet.

Our reasons for wanting to move:
-We would like to raise our kids in the country. I grew up in the country, and think it's a great place to raise kids.
-We would like to have more land. We feel somewhat cramped here in our suburb, and would just love to be surrounded by more nature and isolation. I'd like to stand on my front porch and not see any neighbors - let alone my back porch!
-We have something of a prepper-lite mindset, and don't like the idea of being close to a big city. We'd like to become more self-sufficient and my wife is keen on having a homestead of sorts.
-We'd like to live closer to whatever church we are attending. Our current church is in the middle of the capital, and I've looked numerous times into moving closer - getting a comparable house to what we have now is literally 2x as expensive or more. Meanwhile, moving to the country, the same house is 1/2 as expensive, with more land. If we decide to not move, we will *have* to move closer to our church, but it will be hard to make it work.
-Lower cost of living. With my work situation, there's really no reason to live so close to a big city, where costs are higher.
-We'd like to move to a much more conservative state, one with better homeschooling and gun laws. Hopefully this will result in being surrounded by people who are *more* like-minded (knowing that fully like-minded people may be few and far between no matter where you go).
-We are long-term thinkers, and want to position ourselves and our posterity well for whatever may come in the future.

So let's say the wise choice is to move. But where? Since with my job I can live anywhere, and my parents will follow us (so they say at least), it makes it extremely difficult to figure out. I've spent hours and hours pouring through house listings and cross-referencing with nearby churches and other variables, compiling tables with statistics for prospective states...

Should we try to start by picking a church, then finding a nearby home? Let's say we pick church X as being a great church we want to attend, then we find home Y nearby. The issue that occurs, is that in most cases, church X is the *only* church that seems good in that area, so we'd be really putting all of our eggs in one basket...what if the church turns out to not be so great? And if we don't start by picking a church, and instead pick a home - it's *very* possible that we end up with a home that is farther from a good church than where we are now! So ideally, we want a home that could house 6 people, on 5+ acres, within 15 minutes of multiple good reformed churches. Ha!

The amount of information and number of variables is overwhelming. Any advice or thoughts much appreciated!

My wife and I are also in our mid 30’s, have three kids (hopefully 4-5 eventually), don’t care for the city, and attend an OPC church, which I really like, even though I’m a credo-baptist.

We’re to the west of St Louis (Missouri is generally conservative) where there is decent rural area you can move to and be within proximity to my church. I’d be happy to share more details with you if you’re interested!

 

[Jeri Tanner]

Welcome to the PB! Please fix your signature according to board rules so that we may know how to address you (follow the link below to do that.)

Looking forward to getting to know you.

 

[Edward]

but the number of variables are too many to figure out.

You need more variables.
Hot or mild.
Wet or arid
Varied terrain or flat.
Ocean or upland
Tornadoes or Hurricanes

Wait - I just looked at your profile. You're trolling us, aren't you?

 

[mattmisk]

Welcome to the PB! Please fix your signature according to board rules so that we may know how to address you (follow the link below to do that.)

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Thanks for the welcome, and will do!

 

[mattmisk]

My wife and I are also in our mid 30’s, have three kids (hopefully 4-5 eventually), don’t care for the city, and attend an OPC church, which I really like, even though I’m a credo-baptist.

We’re to the west of St Louis (Missouri is generally conservative) where there is decent rural area you can move to and be within proximity to my church. I’d be happy to share more details with you if you’re interested!

Indeed, that's one area I've been heavily considering! I'll send you a message later today with some questions. Thanks!

 

[mattmisk]

You need more variables.
Hot or mild.
Wet or arid
Varied terrain or flat.
Ocean or upland
Tornadoes or Hurricanes

Wait - I just looked at your profile. You're trolling us, aren't you?

Definitely not trolling, haha, what makes you say that? This has been on my mind and heart for over a year. Maybe posting here is a bit unconventional, but it's been weighing on my heavily, and I'm considering that within the next few months might be the time to move.

-Ideally mild weather - but I grew up in Florida so am used to it. Wife just doesn't want freezing cold
-Ideally varied terrain, but the main thing would be good land for growing
-Wet/Arid, no matter-Ocean/upland, no matter
-Tornadoes/Hurricanes, no matter

This seems to be part of the problem - we don't have enough variables pinned down, because we are flexible on so many things...

 

[Grant]

-We'd like to move to a much more conservative state, one with better homeschooling and gun laws.

Okay, I have been raised in Mississippi, so I might be biased (though I was born in Indio, California). Check out Mississippi. I travel all over the country and other countries with my job. I am always always always astounded at the comparative low cost of living in Mississippi. What some folks pay for a single bedroom leaking apparent could get you 20+ acres, a fully stocked fishing pond, a nice size house for kids, and space for deer hunting. The gun laws are great! We even just started wearing shoes and brushing our teeth here in Mississippi! Seriously though, I'd be happy to speak more. If you want more info, feel free to send me a PM. If not, no offense taken brother.

 

[Edward]

Definitely not trolling, haha, what makes you say that?

Looks like you already live in an area that meets your requirements.

 

[W.C. Dean]

Consider the mountains. Plenty of space, not too expensive. Appalachia is my favorite region on this planet. Homeschooling laws aren't great in West Virginia, but in Virginia you have HEAV (home educators association of Virginia) and the Homeschool Legal Defense. There are a variety of Reformed churches in Western (not WVA) Virginia.

 

[Jake]

It seems like you're not too far off. I have family in Johnston County, NC and it's the kind of place I think of with your description, with maybe the exception that NC itself is more purple (but how much does that affect you? -- Georgia is slightly purple but it hasn't affected me) Maybe it's a bit of the grass is always greener?

There are some ARP churches closer, but I'm not sure how solid they are. Ambassador in Apex and New Beginnings in Pine Level. Although the latter doesn't look very Reformed. It seems like at least part of your concern is being so far from church, so it could be worth considering some closer church options too.

 

[mattmisk]

Looks like you already live in an area that meets your requirements.

I guess it's all relative! We're not in California or New York, but if we can live anywhere, why choose North Carolina?

 

[hammondjones]

It's a bit tricky to get all of that together, as some of your requirements work against each other. You'll have to come up with some sort of objective function to maximize. My guess is that you'll have to give up on the church close by, especially if you are going to a new area and don't have much familiarity with the churches beforehand. We did a recent thread here and I think 35 minutes to church is not out of the ordinary.

https://puritanboard.com/threads/church-commute.100623

If you haven't seen this, here is a map of NAPARC churches, which might be of use. You could just move one state south, if you want.

https://t.co/RSeyziQC8c?amp=1

 

[mattmisk]

It seems like you're not too far off. I have family in Johnston County, NC and it's the kind of place I think of with your description, with maybe the exception that NC itself is more purple (but how much does that affect you? -- Georgia is slightly purple but it hasn't affected me) Maybe it's a bit of the grass is always greener?

There are some ARP churches closer, but I'm not sure how solid they are. Ambassador in Apex and New Beginnings in Pine Level. Although the latter doesn't look very Reformed. It seems like at least part of your concern is being so far from church, so it could be worth considering some closer church options too.

Exactly, I also wonder if it's a grass-is-always greener type of situation...we actually live in Johnston County on about 0.75 Acre, and it's certainly not a bad place to live. Main issue right now is being so far from church members. If we moved 30 minutes farther from the city, we could find close to the kind of home + land we are looking for, but then we have to find a new church...and at that point, why not just move to another state? But you raise a good point, perhaps we should consider a closer church if we do stay here. Thanks!

 

[mattmisk]

Okay, I have been raised in Mississippi, so I might be biased (though I was born in Indio, California). Check out Mississippi. I travel all over the country and other countries with my job. I am always always always astounded at the comparative low cost of living in Mississippi. What some folks pay for a single bedroom leaking apparent could get you 20+ acres, a fully stocked fishing pond, a nice size house for kids, and space for deer hunting. The gun laws are great! We even just started wearing shoes and brushing our teeth here in Mississippi! Seriously though, I'd be happy to speak more. If you want more info, feel free to send me a PM. If not, no offense taken brother.

That's exactly the kind of thing I see, and think wow, why are we living here again, when we could be there? Heh, my wife always raises some concerns about Mississippi whenever I mention it, maybe I'll PM you for some of your perspective!

 

[mattmisk]

It's a bit tricky to get all of that together, as some of your requirements work against each other. You'll have to come up with some sort of objective function to maximize. My guess is that you'll have to give up on the church close by, especially if you are going to a new area and don't have much familiarity with the churches beforehand. We did a recent thread here and I think 35 minutes to church is not out of the ordinary.

https://puritanboard.com/threads/church-commute.100623

If you haven't seen this, here is a map of NAPARC churches, which might be of use. You could just move one state south to the real Carolina, if you want.

https://t.co/RSeyziQC8c?amp=1

Yep, exactly. We bought our current house after 1 day of house shopping because there weren't that many variables. In comparison, this problem seems untraceable. You might be right about giving up church distance - that does open up a LOT of possibilities.

I'll check out that commuting thread, and I appreciate the NAPARC link!

edit: wow, that map is a gold-mine!!!

 

[Frosty]

Lots of good areas in Tennessee or South Carolina that would fit your criteria.

However, like Edward said, it seems your current location is pretty solid.

So ideally, we want a home that could house 6 people, on 5+ acres, within 15 minutes of multiple good reformed churches.

^That's a lot to ask! You have high standards, which I appreciate.

Do you love your church? It seems you do, which is why it bothers you so much that you don't live that close to others in the congregation. 35 minutes to church itself isn't ideal, but not too bad if you love it there. Are there any good ones in the rural areas near you?

My fallible advice as of this moment is that I'm glad you're taking your time on this. The best place may be in your current market somewhere.

 

[SolamVeritatem]

Good morning Matt.

You've said this:

we are a 35 minute drive from the church, and the majority of people our age live in the *other* direction, making it hard to get together and fellowship regularly.

Then you stated this:

I'd like to stand on my front porch and not see any neighbors - let alone my back porch!

Just wondering, do you intend for your home to be opened to both your church family and your neighbors, even if your neighbors are not part of your church family? It seems you might want regular fellowship with the church, but from a distance?

Maybe I'm just not following because of my misunderstanding. But could you clarify if you don't mind?

By the way, I've lived in NC, and that region seems to have what you're looking for, but judging from your preferences, you might also be interested in places like Montana, Wyoming, North/South Dakota, etc...Just a thought.

 

[Jonathco]

Hi Matt,

Alright, I know you said you don't like freezing cold, but Michigan has a lot to offer, if you can tolerate moderately cold winters. As long as you stay out of metro Detroit, the rest of the state is quite rural. Even bigger cities like Grand Rapids (which is heavily reformed), Lansing, and Flint, get pretty rural as soon as you are outside the city limits, and land is quite affordable compared to many other parts of the nation.

My wife and I were in a similar spot 5 years ago, living in the burbs of Flint, and we sold our place, bought 10 acres, a house, and a barn. We homestead now (large-scale gardening, canning, chickens, hunting our land; hoop house and pigs coming soon). I work from home, we homeschool our 4 children, and we have no regrets. Honestly, getting out of the city and into the country was the best thing we ever did. BTW, check out HSLDA's state ratings; Michigan gets their highest rating for laid back homeschool laws.

In Michigan, you are never more than 85 miles from one of the great lakes (which are awesome) and 6 miles from fresh water (lakes or rivers), we have excellent hunting and fishing, and tons of farm land.

PM me if you want more info on homesteading or living in the Mitten! Best of luck, sir!

 

[ADKing]

Should we try to start by picking a church, then finding a nearby home? Let's say we pick church X as being a great church we want to attend, then we find home Y nearby. The issue that occurs, is that in most cases, church X is the *only* church that seems good in that area, so we'd be really putting all of our eggs in one basket...what if the church turns out to not be so great?

Do your best to get to know the church situation as much as you can before you move. Contact the pastor, maybe even make visit(s) if possible and connect with people there. This could help reduce the risk of the church not being what you expected.

 

[mattmisk]

Just wondering, do you intend for your home to be opened to both your church family and your neighbors, even if your neighbors are not part of your church family? It seems you might want regular fellowship with the church, but from a distance?

Maybe I'm just not following because of my misunderstanding. But could you clarify if you don't mind?

By the way, I've lived in NC, and that region seems to have what you're looking for, but judging from your preferences, you might also be interested in places like Montana, Wyoming, North/South Dakota, etc...Just a thought.

Yeah, no problem, and thanks for the thoughts! I think I was exaggerating a bit when I say I don't want to see neighbors from the front porch...but only slightly. Growing up, we had about 4 acres of land and could only see 2 or 3 neighbor on the front porch. But everyone was in walking distance, and we visited with neighbors regularly, probably every other day. So I don't see the two as contradicting necessarily. I'd definitely want our home to be open for regular fellowship!

I think if we lived in a neighborhood surrounded by solid Christians, we wouldn't mind being as close either. In our current situation, that is not the case.

 

[SolamVeritatem]

Yeah, no problem, and thanks for the thoughts! I think I was exaggerating a bit when I say I don't want to see neighbors from the front porch...but only slightly. Growing up, we had about 4 acres of land and could only see 2 or 3 neighbor on the front porch. But everyone was in walking distance, and we visited with neighbors regularly, probably every other day. So I don't see the two as contradicting necessarily. I'd definitely want our home to be open for regular fellowship!

I think if we lived in a neighborhood surrounded by solid Christians, we wouldn't mind being as close either. In our current situation, that is not the case.

That makes sense Matt. Thanks, and I pray much success and the Lord's blessing in you and your family's future endeavors!

 

[B.L.]

So let's say the wise choice is to move. But where? Since with my job I can live anywhere, and my parents will follow us (so they say at least), it makes it extremely difficult to figure out. I've spent hours and hours pouring through house listings and cross-referencing with nearby churches and other variables, compiling tables with statistics for prospective states...

Should we try to start by picking a church, then finding a nearby home? Let's say we pick church X as being a great church we want to attend, then we find home Y nearby. The issue that occurs, is that in most cases, church X is the *only* church that seems good in that area, so we'd be really putting all of our eggs in one basket...what if the church turns out to not be so great? And if we don't start by picking a church, and instead pick a home - it's *very* possible that we end up with a home that is farther from a good church than where we are now! So ideally, we want a home that could house 6 people, on 5+ acres, within 15 minutes of multiple good reformed churches. Ha!

The amount of information and number of variables is overwhelming. Any advice or thoughts much appreciated!

I would recommend staying put and making the best of your situation. Enjoy the things you enjoy and learn to be content in your situation.

 

[bookslover]

Wife just doesn't want freezing cold

That, right there, puts about 90% of the continental United States out of contention. Heh.

 

[Edward]

If you work tech, make sure you locate somewhere with good fiber connections. Some rural areas are still on dial up. Seems like good internet should be at the top of your list.

why choose North Carolina?

It has about as good a selection of ARP and PCA as you'll find anywhere.

Heh, my wife always raises some concerns about Mississippi whenever I mention it,

To be candid - if the Boogaloo comes, it will look like Zimbabwe. And the most expensive license plates I've ever run across.

 

[Susan777]

You need more variables.
Hot or mild.
Wet or arid
Varied terrain or flat.
Ocean or upland
Tornadoes or Hurricanes

Wait - I just looked at your profile. You're trolling us, aren't you?

That was MY thought! He already lives halfway to heaven.

 

[J.L. Allen]

North Alabama. There's an OPC in Madison (Providence, I believe). It is rather rural in that area, but you'd be close enough to Huntsville for the amenities of the city.

The Mississippi suggestion is a good one, too.

 

[jwithnell]

Have you looked at Staunton, Va.? Solid OPC church, rural area accessible, excellent home school laws, vibrant arts community, and the George Washington National or Shenandoah National Park on the surrounding ridges. I lived just north of there in Harrisonburg for two years and loved the area. Oh, and sound like a local: it's pronounced Stan-ton.

 

[TylerRay]

North Alabama. There's an OPC in Madison (Providence, I believe). It is rather rural in that area, but you'd be close enough to Huntsville for the amenities of the city.

The Mississippi suggestion is a good one, too.

I love that area. I have family over there.

 

[TylerRay]

Hi all,

I'm a sometimes-lurker of the forums here, and I wanted to get some advice on my situation. In short, we've been seriously considering moving from our relatively populated area out into the country, but the number of variables are too many to figure out. It's complicated, and here goes...

Currently:
-I'm in my 30s with a wife and two kids under 3 (and we're hoping to have 4-5 kids in total).
-We live on the east coast on the outskirts of a capital city, and attend an incredible OPC church. However, we are a 35 minute drive from the church, and the majority of people our age live in the *other* direction, making it hard to get together and fellowship regularly.
-Our state is quite purple, aka middle of the road politically.
-Our best friends are my parents who currently live 10 minutes away. They have said they would follow us if we were to relocate.
-I'm self-employed and work is all electronic, so we can live wherever we want to, as long as we have high speed internet.

Our reasons for wanting to move:
-We would like to raise our kids in the country. I grew up in the country, and think it's a great place to raise kids.
-We would like to have more land. We feel somewhat cramped here in our suburb, and would just love to be surrounded by more nature and isolation. I'd like to stand on my front porch and not see any neighbors - let alone my back porch!
-We have something of a prepper-lite mindset, and don't like the idea of being close to a big city. We'd like to become more self-sufficient and my wife is keen on having a homestead of sorts.
-We'd like to live closer to whatever church we are attending. Our current church is in the middle of the capital, and I've looked numerous times into moving closer - getting a comparable house to what we have now is literally 2x as expensive or more. Meanwhile, moving to the country, the same house is 1/2 as expensive, with more land. If we decide to not move, we will *have* to move closer to our church, but it will be hard to make it work.
-Lower cost of living. With my work situation, there's really no reason to live so close to a big city, where costs are higher.
-We'd like to move to a much more conservative state, one with better homeschooling and gun laws. Hopefully this will result in being surrounded by people who are *more* like-minded (knowing that fully like-minded people may be few and far between no matter where you go).
-We are long-term thinkers, and want to position ourselves and our posterity well for whatever may come in the future.

So let's say the wise choice is to move. But where? Since with my job I can live anywhere, and my parents will follow us (so they say at least), it makes it extremely difficult to figure out. I've spent hours and hours pouring through house listings and cross-referencing with nearby churches and other variables, compiling tables with statistics for prospective states...

Should we try to start by picking a church, then finding a nearby home? Let's say we pick church X as being a great church we want to attend, then we find home Y nearby. The issue that occurs, is that in most cases, church X is the *only* church that seems good in that area, so we'd be really putting all of our eggs in one basket...what if the church turns out to not be so great? And if we don't start by picking a church, and instead pick a home - it's *very* possible that we end up with a home that is farther from a good church than where we are now! So ideally, we want a home that could house 6 people, on 5+ acres, within 15 minutes of multiple good reformed churches. Ha!

The amount of information and number of variables is overwhelming. Any advice or thoughts much appreciated!

It's tough, brother. I grew up in the country, too, and I really value that as well. We aren't really in the country now, but we aren't in the big city, either. I drive an hour and a half to get to church in metro Atlanta.

The strong Reformed churches, generally speaking, are in the city--especially in the South.

You may be able to find something close to the FCC in Mebane, but I don't know if it'd be cheap.

The OPC in Madison, AL would probably be a great choice.

Consider the PCA in Summerville, GA. They recently started singing Psalms, and I think they are moving in a good direction. They don't have a pastor currently, but they have steady pulpit supply. Whoever they end up calling will likely play a big role in determining the direction of the church.

Summerville is a small, out of the way, country town in a beautiful part of NW GA. Plus, it's close to me!