Statute of Limitations for Biblical Divorce?

[MLCOPE2]

In another thread the question was asked if (within the PCA) a divorce was ever sanctioned by a session "many years" later. Which got me thinking. Is there a statute of limitations on being granted a biblical divorce or does a certain amount of time constitute further commitment?

For example: If Joe cheats on his wife, Sally, in an adulterous way and 10 years later Sally finally concludes that she just can't fully forgive and fully reconcile with Joe, is she then within biblical "rights" to end the marriage based on the previous transgression?

The other post deals with has it happened. I would like to deal with should it happen. Thanks.

 

[Scott1]

If I'm understanding your specific hypothetical, biblically there is no "statute of limitations."

We assume the ordinary case to be within an objectively reasonable period of time, but there is no such qualification in Scripture.

Remember also, Scripture does not command the innocent party, it gives an option presumably as mercy to prevent undue burden on an innocent party.

Reconciliation is always the highest calling, and is always required, even if that does not involve restoration of the marriage.

 

[Edward]

It seems like adopting a civil law theory of condonation would discourage attempts at reconciliation. And I'm not aware of any statutes of limitations or statutes of repose in the Scriptures or the constitutional documents of the Church.

Other than that, I'd say that it is up to the various church courts to examine the totality of the facts. I can see where one would have concerns as to whether the 10 year old offense is the true motive, but again, that's up to the court to determine, based on facts that really shouldn't be made public.

 

[MLCOPE2]

To clarify, I was not asking under the assumption that one is commanded to do so but only permitted to do so. It seems like after a period of time that one would have, either intentionally or unintentionally, agreed to continue the relationship and not count the transgression against the other party. This is assuming that neither party truly repented or sought forgiveness but ignored the problem until it "went away".

 

[Contra_Mundum]

If I am not mistaken, the OPC BOC says we will not receive a formal charge that is for an incident more than 2 years old. Obviously, if sin is ever found out and in need of repentance, and parties need to be reconciled, very old sin must be brought forward and dealt with. But then, the issues that might result in forward-brought, increasing discipline is 'contumacy,' that is failure to heed discipline.

As for the question at hand, I don't think it is wise to legislate on cases individually or generally here. We are not the church. One case might be open-and-shut, but that cannot set a universal precedent for any and all such cases.

Is it rational to take the passage of time into consideration? Seems so. But still, how many other factors are involved? Trying to boil an issue down to a single deciding point is probably the worst tactic to take.

 

[Willem van Oranje]

It doesn't seem to me to be in keeping with the wisdom of the word to give the "innocent" party a never-ending "get out of jail free" card in terms of a justification for divorce to use whenever he or she changes his or her mind and decides that he or she cannot handle it anymore, many years after the spouse has committed adultery. Although the Bible doesn't point to a specific period of time, it is fair to say that once reconciliation has occured, the couple must continue as if the adultery never happened. If the "innocent" spouse decides to stay with the offending spouse and reconcile, I believe that after that point the old offense will not be a valid justification for divorce.

 

[Kiwigirl]

I agree with you Riley, that the "get out of jail free" card should not be an indefinite out. Scripture does not address the statue of limitations but at some point regardless of whether complete forgiveness, repentance, or restoration has occurred the couple is continuing to live as "married" and therefore their marriage vows have been restated by default.

In my case, hence my earlier question and post, my ex husband was unfaithful many years ago. I was unable to forgive completely and became bitter and angry. We separated for a time at my request then came back together both eager to continue to work on full restoration. Shortly after that time my husband left and our PCA church gave him biblical right to divorce me stating that once adultery is committed that EITHER party has biblical right to divorce.

This has obviously been a very difficult road, there was no judgment or discipline of any form made against me by the church or ever discussed. My ex husband continues to attend the PCA church with our children and really feels very justified in his decision to divorce which he has had backed up and supported "biblically" but our PCA church.

I am actively involved in another church but at times continue to wonder if there should be any formal PCA follow up with this odd situation. I believe that my ex husband is walking in disobedience to the Lord and I was very disappointed at the way this was handled by my church.

I have no desire to "get back" at anyone rather just to make sure that this kind of thing does not happen again.

Any input would be very much appreciated.

 

[Willem van Oranje]

I agree with you Riley, that the "get out of jail free" card should not be an indefinite out. Scripture does not address the statue of limitations but at some point regardless of whether complete forgiveness, repentance, or restoration has occurred the couple is continuing to live as "married" and therefore their marriage vows have been restated by default.

In my case, hence my earlier question and post, my ex husband was unfaithful many years ago. I was unable to forgive completely and became bitter and angry. We separated for a time at my request then came back together both eager to continue to work on full restoration. Shortly after that time my husband left and our PCA church gave him biblical right to divorce me stating that once adultery is committed that EITHER party has biblical right to divorce.

This has obviously been a very difficult road, there was no judgment or discipline of any form made against me by the church or ever discussed. My ex husband continues to attend the PCA church with our children and really feels very justified in his decision to divorce which he has had backed up and supported "biblically" but our PCA church.

I am actively involved in another church but at times continue to wonder if there should be any formal PCA follow up with this odd situation. I believe that my ex husband is walking in disobedience to the Lord and I was very disappointed at the way this was handled by my church.

I have no desire to "get back" at anyone rather just to make sure that this kind of thing does not happen again.

Any input would be very much appreciated.

If I were you, I would appeal it to the presbytery. You may need some help in the formality of it, and I wish that I could help find someone to help, but my contacts are limited since I left the PCA many years ago. There should be someone versed in procedure who can help you. In any case you can find the right procedures described in the Book of Church Order.

 

[Kiwigirl]

Thank you, unfortunately I am unable to formally appeal the situation as I have withdrawn my membership from the PCA. The Pastor approached me at least 3 times during the process of the divorce asking me when I would be withdrawing my membership. Although I understood his concern for me in making sure that I was being shepherded elsewhere I shared with him that I believed that he was closing the door on God working in my husband's life. I felt pushed out of the church and when I asked what kind of support I would receive while I was a member of the church through the process of the divorce I was told that I would receive none. I could understand if there had been discussions of some kind of formal church discipline for me but there was never even a hint of that. Meanwhile my husband continues to attend the church and by default is being supported.

 

[Willem van Oranje]

Thank you, unfortunately I am unable to formally appeal the situation as I have withdrawn my membership from the PCA. The Pastor approached me at least 3 times during the process of the divorce asking me when I would be withdrawing my membership. Although I understood his concern for me in making sure that I was being shepherded elsewhere I shared with him that I believed that he was closing the door on God working in my husband's life. I felt pushed out of the church and when I asked what kind of support I would receive while I was a member of the church through the process of the divorce I was told that I would receive none. I could understand if there had been discussions of some kind of formal church discipline for me but there was never even a hint of that. Meanwhile my husband continues to attend the church and by default is being supported.

PCA Book of Church Order "31-2. It is the duty of all church Sessions and Presbyteries to exercise care
over those subject to their authority. They shall with due diligence and great
discretion demand from such persons satisfactory explanations concerning
reports affecting their Christian character. This duty is more imperative
when those who deem themselves aggrieved by injurious reports shall ask an
investigation.
If such investigation, however originating, should result in raising a
strong presumption of the guilt of the party involved, the court shall institute
process, and shall appoint a prosecutor to prepare the indictment and to
conduct the case. This prosecutor shall be a member of the court, except that
in a case before the Session, he may be any communing member of the same
congregation with the accused.
31-3. The original and only parties in a case of process are the accuser and
the accused. The accuser is always the Presbyterian Church in America,
whose honor and purity are to be maintained. The prosecutor, whether
voluntary or appointed, is always the representative of the Church, and as
such has all its rights in the case. In appellate courts the parties are known as
appellant and appellee."

It appears by the language, "however originating" in the PCA BCO, that anyone may bring a charge against a member of the PCA. In this case I think you would be bringing a charge against this particular session of the PCA to the presbytery. The presbytery would then be duty-bound to examine the charge, and if warranted, become the prosecutor.

 

[Contra_Mundum]

Folks,
These are public forums. Everyone in the world can read them.

The PB does not exist as a kind of open-air forum for grievances. I regret if one of our members has been abused, but we cannot be airing one side of a dispute, nor do we want to be airing BOTH sides.

This is not the time or place. Thank you.

 

[Willem van Oranje]

Folks,
These are public forums. Everyone in the world can read them.

The PB does not exist as a kind of open-air forum for grievances. I regret if one of our members has been abused, but we cannot be airing one side of a dispute, nor do we want to be airing BOTH sides.

This is not the time or place. Thank you.

Bruce, I agree. I deleted a part of one of my posts which may have been construed to criticize a judgment by a session of the church of Christ. In any case, I think it's ok for someone to ask advice on a course of action, and receive advice on a proper way to proceed. The procedures outlined in the PCA Book of Discipline are made publicly known, and I would not regret it if I could help anyone to understand it better, even both sides to one case.

 

[Kiwigirl]

I apologize. I have no interest in airing publicly my side of our dispute or my ex husband's and want to be very careful. I am just confused at the stand that has been taken which appears to be far from biblical and seeking advice and wisdom. I determined a number of months ago that I would not appeal the decision, going through a divorce has been difficult enough on it's own and I don't want to take myself down yet another difficult road that will not change my ex husband's heart. However I do wonder if there might be some other way to follow up on this situation. I am deeply disappointed as the less than biblical stand this church has taken and confused as to how this could happen within this wonderful denomination.

---------- Post added at 03:31 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:06 PM ----------

I guess my real question is whether there is any biblical justification in this ruling? Am I missing something, how can divorce be granted to the adulterer? Are there any biblical provisions for divorce based on a marriage that can not be reconciled? What about in the case of emotional or physical abuse, or perhaps an alcoholic spouse? I am very aware of my own failings in our marriage (my bitterness and lack of forgiveness) and have taken full responsibility for my part. I am not an innocent victim, I would just like clarification on this on what the bible says about divorce and whether anyone else believes that adultery breaks the marriage bond and therefore grants both parties biblical right.

 

[TimV]

I am not an innocent victim, I would just like clarification on this on what the bible says about divorce and whether anyone else believes that adultery breaks the marriage bond and therefore grants both parties biblical right.

Answering your question as it is without commenting on your case, no one in their right mind would say that, otherwise anyone who wanted a biblical divorce would just go visit a prostitute.

 

[Willem van Oranje]

"I don't want to take myself down yet another difficult road that will not change my ex husband's heart."

Not to retry a case or make a judgment on your ex-husband's heart, but God gave to his church the ordinance of church discipline, and one of its main purposes is to be a means to change the offender's heart. So I think the best thing to do would be to pursue the provision that God has given for reconciliation, and trust in faith that he will use this means that he has given to indeed change the person's heart. That's a big part of what it's intended for, and I wouldn't want to assume that God won't use it that way.

 

[goodnews]

I apologize. I have no interest in airing publicly my side of our dispute or my ex husband's and want to be very careful. I am just confused at the stand that has been taken which appears to be far from biblical and seeking advice and wisdom. I determined a number of months ago that I would not appeal the decision, going through a divorce has been difficult enough on it's own and I don't want to take myself down yet another difficult road that will not change my ex husband's heart. However I do wonder if there might be some other way to follow up on this situation. I am deeply disappointed as the less than biblical stand this church has taken and confused as to how this could happen within this wonderful denomination.

---------- Post added at 03:31 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:06 PM ----------

I guess my real question is whether there is any biblical justification in this ruling? Am I missing something, how can divorce be granted to the adulterer? Are there any biblical provisions for divorce based on a marriage that can not be reconciled? What about in the case of emotional or physical abuse, or perhaps an alcoholic spouse? I am very aware of my own failings in our marriage (my bitterness and lack of forgiveness) and have taken full responsibility for my part. I am not an innocent victim, I would just like clarification on this on what the bible says about divorce and whether anyone else believes that adultery breaks the marriage bond and therefore grants both parties biblical right.

Kiwi, I don't think you have anything to apologize about. You asked an honest question and seemed to be careful not to impugn the name of your husband, pastor, former church, or presbytery. To answer your primary question your husband is not on solid Biblical ground to divorce you for HIS adultery. Having said that we've only heard your side of the story and I don't want to comment further on any specifics at this time. I do hope that you're being counseled by those who demonstrate that while there is a need for repentance there is also much grace with our Lord Jesus. I'm sorry for your grief and pray that the Lord will lead you to peace with the situation, while also helping you to trust that He will deal with your ex-husband if he, or anyone else involved in the matter, are in the wrong.

 

[Kiwigirl]

Thank you. I have a wonderfully supportive new church and for the most part I am doing well, as are our children. I know that leaving the situation in the Lord's hands was the right thing to do at the time of the Session's ruling. I don't think it is possible to place a formal appeal more than 30 days after the initial ruling has been given. Am I correct in that? At times I wonder if there were other options (other than a formal appeal) in the situation, not so the ruling was changed but so that there is appropriate accountability for this PCA church.

If someone could also address my question as to whether scripture allows other grounds for divorce, that would be helpful. For example physical abuse, emotional abuse, drug or alcohol addiction etc. I see some believers in difficult marriages and would appreciate some biblical input in that area.

Thank you.

 

[goodnews]

Thank you. I have a wonderfully supportive new church and for the most part I am doing well, as are our children. I know that leaving the situation in the Lord's hands was the right thing to do at the time of the Session's ruling. I don't think it is possible to place a formal appeal more than 30 days after the initial ruling has been given. Am I correct in that? At times I wonder if there were other options (other than a formal appeal) in the situation, not so the ruling was changed but so that there is appropriate accountability for this PCA church.

If someone could also address my question as to whether scripture allows other grounds for divorce, that would be helpful. For example physical abuse, emotional abuse, drug or alcohol addiction etc. I see some believers in difficult marriages and would appreciate some biblical input in that area.

Thank you.

Since I'm not in the PCA I can't speak to the appeals process in that denomination. I would guess the PCA has a thorough and Biblical process though. However, since both the PCA and the ARP (my denomination) both adhere to the Westminster Confession of Faith I can tell you that, along with adultery, the innocent party can divorce on the grounds of willful desertion. More specifically the willful desertion must be to the extent that the Church or civil magistrate cannot remedy the situation. To me this is meant to include extreme situations as to make the marriage untenable and/or unable to fulfill its purposes. However, a genuine commitment at reconciliation is warranted, I believe, with the help of the Church. As to your specific question, I think abuse or addiction may indeed approach the definition of desertion. For example, if a drug addicted husband is continually physically and emotionally abusive then I can't imagine Jesus insisting she stay in the marriage. However, she should go through the proper ecclesiastical authority, and again, reconciliation should generally be attempted with the help of the proper church leadership. And, church leaders should be careful to ensure that the Westminster language isn't abused by those who want to divorce for flippant reasons. Paul specifically seems to allow a Believer to divorce and unbelieving spouse on the grounds of abandonment. My assumption is that a continually abusive spouse could be considered as an unbeliever who has abandoned the marriage. I would imagine some may disagree with my reasoning.

 

[Kiwigirl]

Thank you that helps significantly!