I suffer with religious OCD for a long time. But I wasn't so religious, only recently I started to take religious more serious, and, it seems, my OCD is worst than never.
I think sometimes that it's a kind of spiritual warfare...
It comes in two forms: vows - I feel an urge to make a vow of something, and sometimes, in my mind, a made the vow aloud, so I start to think about (it is like a compulsion, checking compulsion).ar
The other form is fear to blaspheme. I am very worried to commit an unpardonable blaspheme, paradoxically this makes me with a strong desire to do it. When I am anxious or nervous, the desire is stronger.
Today, I was feeling particularly happy. I was taking a coffee, and I start to thought that maybe I should make a vow because I should do something because my life was good, a vow of professed poverty. Yes, I know that Westminster says those vows are sin, null and do not pleasant to Our Lord. But the OCD makes me think that, mainly because I know that I could not keep a vow like that.
I started to worry if I made the vow aloud. If I said "I swear". I start to try to check... Since "I swear' in Portuguese is "(Eu) juro", I start to test if I could had said without notice. I start to say "Eu ja" (because I would not test with "Eu ju", because maybe I could be making an oath with this. But I perceived that "Ja" is a form to say the name of God, and I started to use another syllabe... But I said after "Ja", for some reason. And I don't know exactly what I was saying before... I was saying or "Jiro", or "Jiri", or "Gero", something like that. So I started to worry, thinking what I could be saying. In my mind, I started to think that maybe I said something bad before... And even started to remember saying those things.
I went to a swimming class after that, and maybe the nervous, maybe the
Chlorine, I start to feel a strong burning in my stomach. At the same time, I was trying to check what I could have said, and start to become angrier. And I started to be afraid if I could blaspheme or curse while I was feeling that pain (wasn't so strong, but it's the OCD...) And I am thinking now if I made those things or not... If I said that I wasn't any more to the swimming class, making a vow...
Sorry to bother you with my story, I know that it's something crazy and poorly written (I don't speak English very well), but I am so sad with that...
I think sometimes that it's a kind of spiritual warfare...
It comes in two forms: vows - I feel an urge to make a vow of something, and sometimes, in my mind, a made the vow aloud, so I start to think about (it is like a compulsion, checking compulsion).ar
The other form is fear to blaspheme. I am very worried to commit an unpardonable blaspheme, paradoxically this makes me with a strong desire to do it. When I am anxious or nervous, the desire is stronger.
Today, I was feeling particularly happy. I was taking a coffee, and I start to thought that maybe I should make a vow because I should do something because my life was good, a vow of professed poverty. Yes, I know that Westminster says those vows are sin, null and do not pleasant to Our Lord. But the OCD makes me think that, mainly because I know that I could not keep a vow like that.
I started to worry if I made the vow aloud. If I said "I swear". I start to try to check... Since "I swear' in Portuguese is "(Eu) juro", I start to test if I could had said without notice. I start to say "Eu ja" (because I would not test with "Eu ju", because maybe I could be making an oath with this. But I perceived that "Ja" is a form to say the name of God, and I started to use another syllabe... But I said after "Ja", for some reason. And I don't know exactly what I was saying before... I was saying or "Jiro", or "Jiri", or "Gero", something like that. So I started to worry, thinking what I could be saying. In my mind, I started to think that maybe I said something bad before... And even started to remember saying those things.
I went to a swimming class after that, and maybe the nervous, maybe the
Chlorine, I start to feel a strong burning in my stomach. At the same time, I was trying to check what I could have said, and start to become angrier. And I started to be afraid if I could blaspheme or curse while I was feeling that pain (wasn't so strong, but it's the OCD...) And I am thinking now if I made those things or not... If I said that I wasn't any more to the swimming class, making a vow...
Sorry to bother you with my story, I know that it's something crazy and poorly written (I don't speak English very well), but I am so sad with that...