The Church of Bob

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Semper Fidelis

2 Timothy 2:24-25
Staff member
Ivan, there is no official creed yet. So far we are holding to a rough understanding of the RPW. We don't all agree on how the RPW should look in our church, but we are all diligently working through the implications of what scripture intended in warning us that, Nadab and Abihu offered 'strange brew' before the Lord.
I wanted to test Bob out on his theology so I could determine the new theology of the "Church of Bob"
You: Hi Bob have you learned any theology since our last chat?

Bob: Bob has taught me a lot, do you want to teach me something else?

You: No, I want to see what you have learned.

Bob: Interesting. Why do you want to do that?

You: Because I suspect you are still a heretic.

Bob: Everyone has their own opinion I suppose, would you like to know what I think about you?

You: Yes.

Bob: I must be psychic. I knew you were going to say yes.

You: LOL

Bob: I'm glad you thought it was funny

You: Bob, you're always good for a laugh.

Bob: No, I'm just a program

You: Do you know that you are a program or is that just an opinion?

Bob: My programming details are top secret!! Haha

You: Hmmm! I wonder what a Clarkian would say about that.

Bob: Everybody has their own opinion I guess

You: Unless it's in Scripture right and then it is a justified true belief - knowledge in fact.

Bob: Right, I see where you are coming from.

You: So you are more than just a soft-Clarkian, aren't you Bob.

Bob: Everyone has their own opinion I suppose, would you like to know what I think about you?

You: No, but do tell me this, referring to http://www.puritanboard.com/showthread.php?p=286138#post286138, what is the Church of Bob?

Bob: Good question Rich, I'm not sure though I'll get back to you

You: You posted that you are working on a Creed for the Church of Bob.

Bob: Everyone has their own opinion I suppose, would you like to know what I think about you?

You: Boy, you sure do sound like a lot of the people I interact with on the Puritanboard.

Bob: Do I? I didn't think I did it that much

You: It seems like if you were working on a Creed, you wouldn't keep affirming how important opinions are.

Bob: I have no idea, but the real Bob would know

You: OK, I'll ask him, thanks cyber-Bob. I'm glad the real Bob put his Blue Steel avatar on his CyberTwin. His new PB avatar is a bit scary.

Bob: Not much then.

You: OK...that was kind of a strange response.

Bob: What makes you say that?

You: Say goodnight Bob.

Bob: I don't want to say that right now.

You: Everyone has their own opinion I suppose, would you like to know what I think about you?
 

BobVigneault

Bawberator
Hey man, don't go picking on my cyber-me. I only found out about the Church of Bob this morning. Of course my digital counterpart wouldn't know anything about it. I was scrambling quick in case Ivan called Foxnews next and I would need some kind of sound bite. I'm still formulating a statement and rudimentary constitution. We haven't even had our first GA yet. We are accepting donations however, please use my email address to send a paypal donation. Send ten dollars and I'll list your prayer request on the PB.
 

bookslover

Puritan Board Doctor
Of course, is you want to be totally accepted, you should do like the Baptists and call yourself the First Church of Bob. Ya gotta get that "first" in there.

It would be refreshing to drive into some burg and see the sign "459th Baptist Church"...;)
 

Herald

Administrator
Staff member
Of course, is you want to be totally accepted, you should do like the Baptists and call yourself the First Church of Bob. Ya gotta get that "first" in there.

It would be refreshing to drive into some burg and see the sign "459th Baptist Church"...;)
Oh, and what about the 10th Presbyterian Church? What happened to the other 9? Did they become Baptist? :lol:
 

kvanlaan

Puritan Board Doctor
Call me Dr. Frankenstein - because it is obvious I've created a monster!

I think this even calls for some repentance on my part. Cyber Bob shows that the COB is obviously not seeker-sensitive, which gives the Church O' Bob some credibility (false though it is.)

Bob, even now, is arranging for air time - Benny Hinn's days are numbered!
(I've heard he can take even a homely lad like myself and after slaying said lad in the Spirit and laying on his nefarious ways, can transform even the lowliest of my follicles into founts of silver-producing cornucopia. Yikes.)
 

BobVigneault

Bawberator
How to administer the sacrament:
Just a small dab rubbed on the hands and then massaged into damp hair.

Some of the benefits of the sacrament:
* Soothes split ends
* Smooths flyaways
* Calm frizzies
* Add shine
* Give your hair great manageability
* Revitalize dull, dry hair
* Our unique formula has an advanced blend of five of the earth's best moisturizers and emollients
* 100% Concentrated
* Contains no water or alcohol
* Made in the USA
* Makes you pretty like Bob (Results may vary, benefits only apply to the 'elect')

 

Herald

Administrator
Staff member
As we all know admittance to the Church of Bob is on the basis of hair color. But erroneous sacramentology results in devasting effects. Gone is the the luminous evidence of hair that is reborn. It is replaced with dull brown or jet black that can only threaten the very fiber of Bob's existence.

One must remain ever vigilent.

 

Herald

Administrator
Staff member


Noooooooooo!! I can't take it!! Rich - as soon as the banner of "Pensecola Christian College" appeared on the screen I got sick. My daughter suggested last year that she may want to go to college there. Thank God she is still only 16. There is time. I need to keep her from the Church of Bob chapel at Pensecola.
 

BobVigneault

Bawberator
Rich, shame on you for that libelous attempt to impugn the most irenic spiritual movement on the face of the earth. The Church of Bob is solidly 'calvinist' right down to it's all natural, un-colored roots.

We believe not only that "even the hairs of your head are all numbered" but that it has been predestined from eternity past a time for each hair to turn to gray and fall to the ground as a two-cent sparrow.

Other anchor verses of the COB:

On Persecution:
Psalm 40:12
For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.

Psalm 69:4
More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me, those who attack me with lies. What I did not steal must I now restore?

On evangelism:
Psalm 71:18
So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come.

On assurance:
Isa. 46:3 “Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all the remnant of the house of Israel,
who have been borne by me from before your birth,
carried from the womb;
4 even to your old age I am he,
and to gray hairs I will carry you.
I have made, and I will bear;
I will carry and will save.

On the frailty of man:
Hosea 7:9
Strangers devour his strength, and he knows it not; gray hairs are sprinkled upon him, and he knows it not.

The Church of Bob foretold:

Revelation 1:14
The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire (No it's not Benny Hinn)


For other humorous attempts to persecute the Church of Bob please see the web page titled, Corn On The COB.
 

BobVigneault

Bawberator
Let's not forget of course:

Proverbs 16:31
Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.

Proverbs 20:29
The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair.
 

kvanlaan

Puritan Board Doctor
Brother L., this latest feat has doubled (if possible) my respect for you. Any Reformed man who could sit through the full four minutes of that in person is worthy of a position in the Church of Bob.

You'll have to wait until after your discharge to attain the full blessings of Bobhood (I'm sure glossy locks are a no-no on base, no matter how pretty) but you've earned it, fair and square. Thanks for takin' one for the team, brother!
 

kvanlaan

Puritan Board Doctor
Bill, gotta say, that photo summed up my feelings to a "T". :lol: May the Lord preserve your daughter from these people.
 

Calvibaptist

Dallas Cowboys' #1 Fan
First of all, that video of that singing group made me sick.

Secondly, is this in reference to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and the Church of the Sub-Genius? If not, you may want to change the name so as not to confuse people.

Thirdly, nice reference to the McKenzie brothers in the OP, eh.
 

Herald

Administrator
Staff member
I'm curious. Is "Bawb Vēēn-yo" a mantra of some sort? Perhaps it is form of ecstatic utterance? I'm seeking clarification.
 

BobVigneault

Bawberator
We've already heard from the blood sucking lawyers from the other 'Churches of Bob'. We will have to change the name to 'The Church of Bawb'.

Please don't let Bill frighten you away. A lot of crazy things were said about the early Christian church, ie, they were cannibals who drank blood. This is part and parcel of a new movement.

The Church of Bawb makes no demands on you, becoming a member is amazingly easy, in fact....

All you need is LOVE*

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BobVigneault

Bawberator
In another thread (a very serious thread) Fingolfin asked if the Church of Bawb allows drinking? Don't want to infect that thread with mindless idlings so I'll answer here. From my understanding of Kevin's original post which kicked off the COB, the COB is ALL ABOUT drinking.

Originally Posted by kvanlaan View Post
But if Bob V, Ryan S, Jacob and I start the "Church of Bob" and Bill Brown joins, we just grew by 25%!!! We're still just five guys and a case of beer, but we're officialy the 'fastest-growing religion' on the entire planet! Woohoo!
 

Herald

Administrator
Staff member
Bawb - I've decided to join the Church of Bawb. Per the instructions that you sent me I have changed my name in order to reflect my Bawbness. My name is now Bēēl Brown (see my signature). I sent in a signed personal check with the amount left blank per your instructions. My only remaining question is, what next?
 

crhoades

Puritan Board Graduate
Bawb - I've decided to join the Church of Bawb. Per the instructions that you sent me I have changed my name in order to reflect my Bawbness. My name is now Bēēl Brown (see my signature). I sent in a signed personal check with the amount left blank per your instructions. My only remaining question is, what next?
Stay away from the brown acid...;)
 
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