The Rise of the 'Done with Church' Population

[arapahoepark]

10+ years ago I'd probably have dismissed someone automatically who said they didn't commit to a congregation where the gospel was preached, perhaps waving a quote from Paul about not giving up on meeting together. Perhaps I'd have thought that if that was their attitude, they didn't think much of the gospel in the first place - or maybe the image of the seed falling amongst the stoney ground would spring to my mind?

However, that is exactly the situation I found myself in. I had got to the stage where I simply couldn't bare attending church any more. It's one thing being on your own and having difficulties in health etc, it's quite another to go each week and see ppl in groups all around you having lively jovial conversations about work or education, promotions, holidays & moving to a bigger house etc - while you nurse a coffee and want the ground to swallow you up. If that sounds like jealousy then please understand I love to see people happy and so on, but being on the outside looking in is like torture. I regularly attended Sunday services and the midweek prayer meeting and was a member in good standing, but although I loved the praise and the preaching was super & systematic bible preaching, I was dying inwardly. I don't mean that in the biblical sense of my "old man" dying inwardly, but rather the seemingly intentional lack of any meaningful fellowship or even a few decent friendships was literally destroying me - please forgive the analogy, but for me it was like being in an abusive relationship where one partner is repeatedly punching the other, I felt ritually humiliated every time this happened.

I had internalised this as being "my fault" and eventually decided just not to physically go and attend, but rather just listen to the sermons online. At least that way I'd get the teaching and avoid the crushing experience of weekly rejection.
But in the process of attending a few services to support a new ministry in the city, people in that church would actually speak to me and encourage me to stay for coffee. The minister remembered my name the second time I spoke to him, and people were kind and friendly.
I started going to this church more and more, and am now a member there, and deeply blessed by both the preaching AND fellowship.

Basically the point is, I'd got to the stage where I couldn't take the rejection any more. I'd read Job 29 and 30 where Job contrasts how people treated him when things were good in his life and he was well to do and respectable, with in chapter 30 where he is treated with such contempt that people almost line up to spit in his face!

To turn this to a positive lesson for me, I pray to God to give me a holy confidence in Christ to allow me to approach someone who I see standing by themselves and looking lost after a service. I say "confidence" just because I'm not the most sure of myself, but I ask the Holy Spirit to lead me in saying hi and being sensitive to show an interest without asking too much, and knowing when to listen etc. So far it's been positive for me, just a little mini-ministry if I can call it even that, and who knows that by speaking to people visiting or so "showing hospitality to strangers" that we might "entertain Angels (literally God's messengers to us) unawares"?


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So wonderfully put. This is what I was trying to get at in my first post. Though I attend regular services, I could not bear fellowship at the college group I was attending and I have been hesitant to go again to another one. I frequently hear that someone feeling left out should be outgoing and friendly. Even that did not work for me. I was completely intentional about trying to be involved with the others and gain friends who were Christian but to no avail. So I simply stopped going.

Its been awhile since I popped into this thread and it is nice to see some sympathy for those who are done with church due to some social aspects. That, however, doesn't let them off the hook. Fellowship in community needs to be emphasized rather than this 'moralistic therapeutic deism' or lowest common denominator Christianity that doesn't value the church whom Christ died for.

 

[aadebayo]

Abandoning attending or being associated with Christ's Church is a presumptuous sin, and those who do this should firstly be privately admonished by the elders, and if repentance is not forthcoming should be further admonished and barred from the Lord's Table for a season, and if still recalcitrant, sine die, until thete are further positive developments.

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The bible clearly tells us in Hebrews 10:25

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

This is a command from God's word, disobedience to which is sin. I completely agree with your point Peairtach . However, how does someone deal with a situation where the nearest bible believing Church is say over 40 miles away and such person does not have access to reliable transport om the Lord's day. Here in the U.K, I took 3 of my boys on holiday to Skegness in Lincolnshire. The nearest bible believing fellowship is 45 miles away in Lincoln, which was where we went for fellowship. However, for some one who lives an works in Skegness, who does not have a car, this will be impossible. I suppose this is where the Met Tab's live web cast will come handy.