War Of The Mind

[JS116]

Hello everyone! I recently said that I wasnt going to post here that much I guess I was wrong haha..But lately I've been needing of prayers of fellow saints,Im going through an extremely hard time in my life.Recently,I've been having a lot doubt's that keep on growing daily.I used to be firm in my beliefs and unwavering in the word of God.Now it seems like i'm compromising alot,I'm passively believing the things I once would die to defend such as,the essential views of orthodox christianity and the foundations of the reformed faith,all things which molded me into a godly character in the years and made me in to the person I am today.

It's affecting every area of my life,my college classes,eating habits,my social life,my fellowship with believers(ashamed I will sound crazy) and most importantly my relationship with God.To be honest I just stopped reading the bible because I feel as if I dont want to misinterpret what God is saying,In my mind I've been thinking to myself and asking questions like "What if your wrong about what you believe?","how do you know what you know is true,especially about reformed theology",","If you are wrong think about how many people your misleading."Strangely mainly all the thoughts are ALL questions ive heard in some form from people I preached the gospel to or spoke to about doctrine,the attacks are aimed on doubting myself and not so much of God.

I've been in a similar position before in my life in the 10th grade,when my grades dramatically fell,i was antisocial almost my whole year and wanted to die.Sometimes I would wish that God would take my life so I couldn't disobey him any longer.The only way I got out of that was by reading my word and simply submitting to God's word weather or not I doubted it or disagreed.This may be a psychological problem that needs biblical counseling that I am unsure of,but one thing I do know is I have to deal with it,or it's going to keep reoccurring in my life later.

I feel like this is God allow this to purify my faith in him,by allowing satan to attack my mind to get me thinking wrongly and get my focus on my feelings and ,current state rather than trusting in the sovereign God to deliver me.I know i am in dire need to trust in the spirit of God but I feel I'm incapable because of my depravity,which really should be the more reason to trust him.I thank you guys for reading this lengthy post,I just needed to vent,keep me in your prayers as I fighting this warfare I cannot turn from God and I will not,something inside me is keeping me fighting.

Feel free to leave any comments or advice or even personal experiences for encouragemen it will be greatly appreciated!

Shawn J

 

[InSlaveryToChrist]

Praying, Brother. Fight! -- just don't fight in your own power, but be totally dependent on the working of the Holy Spirit. HE is the "something" inside you that keeps you fighting.

 

[GulfCoast Presbyterian]

I am usually not much use for advice, but I have said a prayer for you, Shawn. I have had crushing bouts of depression myself, so I have empathy for what you are feeling. Do not try to bear your burdens alone. Talk to your Elders! That is one of the reasons the Lord put them there. Prayers sent, brother!

 

[Zach]

Praying for you Shawn. I second Mark and would recommend talking to your elders.

 

[a mere housewife]

Praying for you, Shawn. In my own experience the idea that we aren't qualified to understand what God is saying is a very effective weapon to keep us from a means of grace. It can be very painful to have our misinterpretations corrected; but God is good, and therefore instructs us in the way. Remember what William Tyndale, who gave His life that a ploughboy could have access to God's word, said: -"Who taught the eagles to spy out their prey? even so the children of God spy out their Father."

 

[Christopher88]

Shawn,
I too deal with many mental wars and suffer from depression. (Not clinical, spiritual) I will spend days tearing my self limb from limb knowing I have disobeyed my God, that will result in not going to the word, hiding from social life, not praying, and I sin more and more.

Dr. Loyyd-Jones wrote a book (sermons) called Spiritual Depression. He said we need to speak the gospel to ourselves. My elders, and wise Christian friends,mentors told me to do the same. They warn me to not beat my self up but go to the Lord. I know its easier said then done, but they are right. The only cure to spiritual depression and doubt is to wrestle it out with the Almighty God. We are weak, but God loves us. While we were still sinners, Christ came to die for us. God in the flesh dieing for sinners, loving sinners.

Peace be upon you.



I read this verse today, it brought me to tears. Hope it helps you.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

Shawn, what part of NC are you from? I live in Winston.

 

[JS116]

I want to thank ALL of you of you for being a big help! Keep praying for me and all te oter saints across te globe to endure and persevere through God's strength in these hard times.I can't explain how it encourages to know that others actually care.

 

[py3ak]

Calvin, on Psalm 119:

Now then, like as David showeth unto us by his example, that we ought not to have any other guide, nor stay, but that which proceedeth from the word of God: Even so also showeth he unto us, that if so be we be teachable of God and accept him as our schoolmaster, and submit ourselves to him, that we shall find light enough in his word, that we need not to fear to be confounded as though we knew not which way to turn us. For God will give us sufficient light in his word, to lead us to salvation. And this is such a comfort as cannot be sufficiently enough expressed: For as it is declared, that we are miserable blind souls, and that whilst we walk in this world, we are but in darkness, see how God putteth a remedy into our hands: that is, that we should hear him speak, and that we should learn to be ordered by his word: and that then, although this same world be a maze, although we have many troubles in our life, although the devil never ceaseth craftily to invent many deceits to turn us from the right way, yet we shall be assured to go straight, and to attain unto salvation.

In one sense we can never doubt ourselves too much; what is there in us to rely upon? But the power of God is greater than our weakness: the Sovereign Lord can write his law in our hearts, can put his fear in our hearts so that we never depart from him, can work in us to will and to do of his good pleasure, can bestow faith and repentance from one moment to the next. In each particular challenge, in each spasm of fear, know that God's power is sufficient to keep you through faith unto salvation, and on the warrant of the gospel offer lay claim to a salvation that includes final perseverance. The Lord be with you and help you.

 

[JS116]

I do appreciate al the advice guys keep it coming i'm still trying to fight,it's very hard,but I believe God will bring me through it,i just got to trust in him

 

[py3ak]

Here's one of my favorites from Thomas Goodwin:

I have by long experience observed many holy and precious souls, who have clearly and wholly given up themselves to Christ, to be saved by him in his own way, and who at their first conversion (as also at times of desertion) have made an entire and immediate close with Christ alone for their justification, who yet in the ordinary course and way of their spirits have been too much carried away with the rudiments of Christ in their own hearts, and not after Christ himself: the stream of their more constant thoughts and deepest intentions running in the channel of reflecting upon and searching into the gracious dispositions of their own hearts so as to bring down, or to raise up (as the apostle's words are, Rom. x. 8), and so get a sight of Christ by them. Whereas Christ himself is 'nigh them' (as the apostle there speaks), if they would but nakedly look upon himself through thoughts of pure and single faith.
And although the use of our own graces, by way of sign and evidence of Christ in us, be allowed us by God, and is no way derogatory from Christ, if subordinated to faith; and so as that the heart be not too inordinate and immoderate in poring too long or too much on them, to fetch their comfort from them, unto a neglect of Christ: yet as pleasures that are lawful are unlawfully used when our thoughts and intentions are too long, or too frequent, or too vehement in them, so as to dead the heart, either to the present delighting in God, or pursuing after him, with the joint strength of our souls, as our only chiefest good: so an immoderate recourse unto signs (though barely considered as such), is as unwarrantable, when thereby we are diverted and taken off from a more constant actual exercise of daily thoughts of faith towards Christ immediately, as he is set forth to be our righteousness, either by the way of assurance (which is a kind of enjoyment of him), or recumbency and renewed adherence in pursuit after him.
And yet the minds of many are so wholly taken up with their own hearts, that (as the Psalmist says of God) Christ 'is scarce in all their thoughts.' But let these consider what a dishonour this must needs be unto Christ, that his train and favourites (our graces) should have a fuller court and more frequent attendance from our hearts than himself, who is the 'King of Glory.' And likewise what a shame also it is for believers themselves, who are his spouse, to look upon their husband no otherwise but by reflection and at second hand, through the intervention and assistance of their own graces, as mediators between him and them.
Now to rectify this error, the way is not wholly to reject all use of such evidences, but to order them, both for the season, as also the issue of them. For the season, so as that the use of them go not before, but still should follow after an address of faith first renewed, and acts thereof put forth upon Christ himself. Thus whensoever we would go down into our own hearts, and take a view of our graces, let us be sure first to look wholly out of ourselves unto Christ, as our justification and to close with him immediately; and this as if we had no present or by-past grace to evidence our being in him. And if then, whilst faith is thus immediately clasping about Christ, as sitting upon his throne of grace, we find either present or fore-past graces coming in as handmaids, to attend and witness to the truth of this adherence unto Christ (as after such single and absolute acts of faith it oftentimes falls out);—the Holy Ghost (without whose light they shine not) 'bearing witness with our spirits,' that is, our graces, as well as to our spirits;—and then again, for the issue of them, if in the closure of all, we again let fall our viewing and comforting ourselves in them, or this their testimony, and begin afresh (upon his encouragement) to act faith upon Christ immediately with redoubled strength; if thus (I say) we make such evidences to be subservient only unto faith (whilst it makes Christ its Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end of all), this will be no prejudice at all to Christ's glory or the workings of faith itself; for by this course the life of faith still actually maintained and kept upon wing in its full use and exercise towards Christ alone for justification. Whereas many Christians do habitually make that but only as a supposed or taken for granted principle, which they seldom use, but have laid up for a time of need; but actually live more in the view and comfort of their own graces, and the gracious workings thereof in the duties towards Christ.
The reason of this defect, among many others, I have attributed partly to a 'barrenness' (as Peter's phrase is) 'in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ,' and of such things revealed about him, as might be matter for faith to work and feed upon: as also to a want of skill (whilst men want assurance) to bend and bow, and subjugate to the use of a faith for mere adherence, all those things that they know and hear of Christ as made justification unto us. It being in experience a matter of the greatest difficulty (and yet certainly most feasible and attainable), for such a faith as can yet only rely and cast itself upon Christ for justification, yet rightly to take in, and so to make use of all that which is or may be said of Christ, his being made righteousness to us, in his death, resurrection, &c., as to quicken and strengthen itself in such acts of mere adherence, until assurance itself comes, for whose use and entertainment all truths lie more fair and directly to be received by it. They all serve as a fore-right wind to assurance of faith, to fill all the sails thereof, and carry on with a more full and constant gale (as the word used by the apostle for assurance [plērophoria] imports), whereas to the faith of a poor recumbent, they serve but as a half side-wind, unto which yet, through skill, the sails of such a faith may be so turned and applied towards it, as to carry a soul on with much ease and quietness unto Christ the desired haven; it notwithstanding waiting all that while for a more fair and full gale of assurance in the end.

 

[JS116]

Well,seems as the consequences are bearing on me now,I basically just failed my math class in college.While I was doing pretty well at first in my classes,the dramatically changed through this whole trouble with my mind these last couple of weeks,I took less time to study and even did poorly on my some of my test's because I was spending all of my time trying to get my mind right and focusing on God..This is a complete repeat of my 10th grade experience..is there any hope?will I ever be delivered from myself and my own sins?My heart says no,but God's word say's yes.I'm starting to become less faithful and dependent on his word by the day,please pray for me guys,i'm very discouraged.

 

[JBaldwin]

Looking unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith...

Do not look to yourself for your salvation nor your sanctification for you will not them in yourself, only in the finished work of Christ.

Praying

 

[InSlaveryToChrist]

Brother Shawn,
You must learn to prioritize things in your life. Your study of God's Word should go way beyond your school studies, the latter is simply a means to the former. You study mathematics, so that you get a good final school report, so that you get a good job, so that you can provide for yourself [and your family] financially, so that you may live, so that you may spend time with God studying His Word, so that God may be glorified! WHY DO YOU LIVE? You see?

Also, don't blame yourself for not achieving something that is completely irrelevant. It's fine to get five at the mathematics test. Think more about what GOD thinks about your life successes/failures. He honestly couldn't care less how succesful or unsuccesful you're are in life, all He wants to see is a soul that strives to please Him. Don't lose sight of your purpose in life, which would naturally lead you to lessen your time in God's Word. Don't be a fool. Once again, learn to PRIORITIZE things in your life.

Praying for you now.

 

[gordo]

Praying for you as well.

Don't stop reading the Bible!

 

[Berean]

Praying for you, Shawn.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. -Philippians 1:6

 

[JS116]

Thanks guy's..I really needed to be humbled.God is truly sovereign,i see that now.That failing grade I had..is now closer to passing ,my teacher let me retake some bad quizzes,soon as I start to doubt the spirit always corrects me.I'm doing to much studying and not enough listening to his word.It's funny because I was so discouraged I wasnt even going to attend class today,but I went any way and I managed to get help! God's providence is excellence.

 

[py3ak]

Those are good lessons, Shawn. Despair can be self-fulfilling, but let us quietly go about the tasks that lie before us and by God's blessing we will be astonished at how much has been accomplished.

 

[CuriousNdenver]

Ephesians 6: 10-18 "10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—" (NKJV)

I have struggled with doubt as well. The evil one does not want you read the Word of God. You don't have to have all the answers today...or ever. What you are not sure of now may become clear in the future. The important thing is to stay in the Word and in prayer and allow God to work in your life and bring you understanding. God is still on the throne, even when we struggle!

Isaiah 55:11 So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. (NKJV)

Praying for you brother!