Hi Alan! I definitely understand what you are getting at and it may have been my own comment that was too pithy. I'll make some clarifications to your points as I do not disagree with your post but I do not think my position is that far away from yours, either. My goal was to help recognize that in most situations there can often be more than just a dichotomy of answers where I choose the wife and neglect the parishioner or vice-versa. I have seen cases where it was the wiser decision to have a RE take point on a situation even when the TE was available. Sometimes it may be that the RE may just need to get there first so the TE does not need to rush a different pastoral call. Sometimes it may be more prudent for the TE to come the next day after the situation has all calmed down while a deacon or RE handles logistical issues. I've seen all of that. I agree with you that for most people they look at someone who is a "pastor" differently than someone who is an "elder" and that this may color how a situation is to be handled. It would be prudent for REs and TEs to determine how best to serve individual families and/or people based on preferences/proclivities/relationships to others. But I'm just trying to say that the situation needn't always be set in such a dichotomous way.