Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

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Poimen

Puritan Board Post-Graduate
Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle: To fulfill its nature on the other side.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to
itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: Well,...................

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. Some
chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.

Camus: The chicken's mother had just died. But this did not really upset him, as any number of witnesses can attest. In fact, he crossed just because the sun got in his eyes.

John Sununu (again): I would argue that the chicken never crossed the road at all. That it is a story concocted by the Clinton Administration to distract attention from their failed agriculture policy. Where is the evidence that the chicken crossed the road? Where, Michael?

Michael Kinsley: Oh, John, come on! Everybody knows the chicken crossed the road. What evidence do you need? It's obvious that the chicken crossed the road. Your whole argument is just a smoke and mirror tactic to distract us from the fact that most chickens polled now back the Democratic Party. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, John.

Siskel: I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs up!

Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chicken didn't emote very well. It couldn't even speak English! Thumbs down.

Michael Kinsley: But you both agree it did cross the road, right? See, John. I'm right as usual.



[To post these here they had to be edited (some coarse language), so I cut and paste them from this website:

http://www.infiltec.com/j-chick2.htm]

[Edited on 4-28-2005 by poimen]

[Edited on 4-28-2005 by poimen]
 

Scot

Puritan Board Sophomore
They're all wrong. The chicken crossed the road because it was predestined to.:D
 

turmeric

Megerator
Jonathan Edwards; Because crossing the road appeared to be more desirable at the moment than not crossing it.
 

turmeric

Megerator
C. I. Scofield; Because it is now the dispensation of the Other Side of the Road. However the time will come when the chicken will cross back over the road again, so don't forget about that side.:banana::banana:

[Edited on 4-29-2005 by turmeric]
 

Poimen

Puritan Board Post-Graduate
Originally posted by turmeric
C. I. Scofield; Because it is now the dispensation of the Other Side of the Road. However the time will come when the chicken will cross back over the road again, so don't forget about that side.:banana::banana:

[Edited on 4-29-2005 by turmeric]

:lol:
 

Augusta

Puritan Board Doctor
Originally posted by turmeric
Jonathan Edwards; Because crossing the road appeared to be more desirable at the moment than not crossing it.

:lol::lol::lol:

I have been reading a lot of Edwards.
 

Puddleglum

Puritan Board Sophomore
These are funny! :)

2 more that I remember from one of these things a few years ago:

Nixon: The chicken did NOT cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Mr. Rogers: Because he wanted to be my neighbour.
 
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