Would you think this was a date?

[NoahBBigley]

There’s a girl I’ve been interested in getting to know better. We have both known of each other, but never spoken much to each other. After working a summer internship at the same church a few years ago I reached out over Instagram to chat for a bit and then asked her to coffee. Do I need to be specifically clear this is a date, or does my level of intentionality in initiating the conversation, driving 4 hours, and texting “I want to get to know you a bit better” seem straightforward enough?

 

[Polanus1561]

You already asked, no?

 

[Jerusalem Blade]

It's a date.

Welcome to PB, Noah!

 

[MyCrows]

I would consider it a date, but either way, the opportunity to interact and learn more of one another is what is important. If it isn't a date in her eyes, it may still lead to one later on.

Also, being that this is in general discussions, rather than the coffee shop, you could just link her to this PB thread.

 

[Joshua]

What you do is show up, bring with you a date (the fruit), and -at some point, perhaps right before a sip of coffee- you hold the date in your hand, and say, "This is a date." At that point, if it is ever questioned in the future, you are able to say, "Listen, I told you unequivocally that day This is a date."

 

[NoahBBigley]

You already asked, no?

Yes sir! We got a yes!

What you do is show up, bring with you a date (the fruit), and -at some point, perhaps right before a sip of coffee- you hold the date in your hand, and say, "This is a date." At that point, if it is ever questioned in the future, you are able to say, "Listen, I told you unequivocally that day This is a date."

Haha! I’ll keep the one in the arsenal.

 

[Jack K]

It's a date for now. As long as you pay for her coffee, it will stay a date.

 

[GulfCoast Presbyterian]

This is a date. A little "baby-steps" date, but most certainly a date.

 

[Afterthought]

You don't need to be more clear, but women do appreciate having the clarity. These days, men and women will "go out" as "just friends" and put each other in the "just friends" box on the "not date." What will be assumed of a person's intentions really depends on what subculture you are mixing in.

I can't think of a smooth way off the top of my head (maybe you will) of clarifying that at this point if you wanted to do so, and I'm inclined to think it best to leave it as it is, but it's good to keep in mind for the future.

 

[Charles Johnson]

Rule of thumb: if you get married further on, it was a date.

 

[jwright82]

There’s a girl I’ve been interested in getting to know better. We have both known of each other, but never spoken much to each other. After working a summer internship at the same church a few years ago I reached out over Instagram to chat for a bit and then asked her to coffee. Do I need to be specifically clear this is a date, or does my level of intentionality in initiating the conversation, driving 4 hours, and texting “I want to get to know you a bit better” seem straightforward enough?

Well congrats. Don't worry about whether or not it's a date. In time it will be clear what's going on. You're psyching yourself up over nothing. Just go and see what happens. You're driving 4 hours for goodness sake.

 

[Harrison Seeley]

If she kisses you, you'll know for sure.
Just kidding. Sounds like a date to me, and she likely understands it that way. When I asked out my now fiancé, I asked if she would like to meet when I was in her area (we're long distance). She understood what I was asking without having to use that term. Also, I made this account when I was like 18 and am now PCA and have no idea how to change my username.

 

[Jeri Tanner]

I made this account when I was like 18 and am now PCA and have no idea how to change my username.

An admin can change your username. If you want to pm me with what you want it changed to I'll be happy to do so.

 

[earl40]

Make sure you brush your teeth, and comb your hair.

 

[MyCrows]

Also, I made this account when I was like 18 and am now PCA and have no idea how to change my username.

Great. Now you have to decide whether to make your name 1646er or 1788er!

Just kidding.

 

[erickinho1bra]

Totally a date, if you ask me (or any other guy). May be a date if you asked some girls what they thought. But at the end of the day, what matters is if you get a second, third, fourth, etc. Just have fun and don't worry. She isn't the queen or a job interviewer. She's a sister in Christ; treat her as such.

If you need help, here's a book to get you going (totally kidding btw, that is a joke book I wrote but I thought I'd share it just because lol)

 

[Edward]

It's a date for now. As long as you pay for her coffee, it will stay a date.

It could still be a date if she insists on Dutch treat. (Yes, I know that can be offensive. No, I don't care)

 

[SolaScriptura]

Of course, if she has you securely in "the friend zone" it's not a date (in her mind).

 

[TylerRay]

or does my level of intentionality in initiating the conversation, driving 4 hours, and texting “I want to get to know you a bit better” seem straightforward enough?

Just send another text saying, "Actually, I want to get to know you a lot better." She'll get the message.

 

[John The Baptist]

More importantly, if things go well, you need to ask for a second date.

 

[GulfCoast Presbyterian]

I now feel like, since we are all emotionally invested in this systematic parsing of this being a date or not, that we need an update at its conclusion.

 

[Knight]

If you enjoy the time, say so at the end and tell her that you'd like to take her on a proper date next time. You can leave it mysterious/flexible or say something concrete (e.g. dinner). It leaves open to interpretation whether this was a date (in case she's not interested) but makes your intentions clear going forward.

Edit: she knows you're driving 4 hours? You better hope this is a date my guy

 

[MarrowMan]

A lot of over thinking in the OP and this thread. Your intentions and her thoughts will become clear as things unfold. No need to put labels on it.

 

[arapahoepark]

Honestly, no clue.
But being close to someone who is dealing with the aftermath of what was thought to be date (or rather a few of them) on the guys end, let me say, please don't be needy. Sometimes labeling it as such so early will be an instant turn off and a sign that things that you are coming across as too strong.

 

[NoahBBigley]

I now feel like, since we are all emotionally invested in this systematic parsing of this being a date or not, that we need an update at its conclusion.

Hahaha! Will do!

 

[hammondjones]

Actually, after I took my now wife on our second date, I discovered she thought the true date count was 0.
Anyway, worked out in the end.

 

[Edward]

that we need an update at its conclusion.

How 20th Century of you. Get with the program. It needs to be live streamed for real time comments.

 

[Edward]

Actually, after I took my now wife on our second date, I discovered she thought the true date count was 0.

Trying to remember the old rules for a date.

Ask x days in advance (was it a week?), pick up and drop off, pay in full, dinner and an activity (frequently a movie).

 

[GulfCoast Presbyterian]

How 20th Century of you. Get with the program. It needs to be live streamed for real time comments.

I was not sure of OP's level of digital expertise. But, I concur!

 

[Santos]

There’s a girl I’ve been interested in getting to know better. We have both known of each other, but never spoken much to each other. After working a summer internship at the same church a few years ago I reached out over Instagram to chat for a bit and then asked her to coffee. Do I need to be specifically clear this is a date, or does my level of intentionality in initiating the conversation, driving 4 hours, and texting “I want to get to know you a bit better” seem straightforward enough?

Well, I can tell you that on our first date my wife drove 6-1/2 hours to see me, and we were married 2 weeks later. So, be careful. We would have gotten married in the 1st week, but we didn't want to rush into things.

It's been 17-1/2 years now so I'm pretty sure it qualified as a date.

Good luck!