You Might Be a Presbyterian If . .

Discussion in 'Entertainment and Humor' started by Jeff_Bartel, Dec 3, 2005.

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  1. Jeff_Bartel

    Jeff_Bartel Puritan Board Graduate

    1. You've got a big bushy beard in honor of R. L. Dabney.

    2. You can spell supralapsrian , suprlapsarian, suralapsrian, supralapsarian.

    3. When asked to name the twelve apostles you say Matthew, John, James, Andrew, Peter, Nathaniel, Phillip, Simon, Thomas, Augustine, Luther and Calvin.

    4. You used to be a Baptist.

    5. You started drinking ("in moderation" of course) after you left the Baptist church and became a Presbyterian.

    6. Your children's names all begin with "covenant." In other words, normal people have babies, boys, girls, kids, and/or children. Presbyterians, on the other hand have "covenant" children. Instead of introducing your kids as Billy, Bobby and Suzy, it would be more proper to introduce them as Covenant-Bill, Covenant-Bob, and Covenant-Sue.

    7. When the spirit comes upon you in power, you don't raise your hands and shout Hallelujuah, rather you scratch your chin, turn to your neighbor and whisper "hmmm, . . . that was a good point."

    8. You think fencing has something to do with the Lord's Supper instead of swords.

    9. You've considered church discipline for people who watch the NFL on Sunday afternoon.

    10. When someone asks you a question about the Bible, you answer, "Well, the confession says . . . " or "the catechism says . . . "

    11. Charles Spurgeon is just a little too Arminian for your blood.

    12. They aren't "catholics," or even "Roman Catholics." They're "Romanists," or "Papists."

    13. You secretly suspect that John Calvin was a liberal because of his compromise on the Sabbath issue.

    14. You know the meaning of most or all of the following - PCA, PCUS, PCUSA, PC(USA), PC(U.S.A.), PCUSA(NS), PCUSA(OS), RPCES, RPCNA-GS, RPCNA, EPC, OPC, ARP, NAPARC, CRC, RCA, BPC, BPC-Collingswood, BPC-Columbus, CPC, TE, RE, WCF, WLC, WSC, BCO, UPC, UPCNA, UPCUSA, NPC,

    15. You know, or think you know, the difference between "calvinist" and "reformed."

    16. You think the phrase "chosen frozen" is a compliment.
     
  2. VirginiaHuguenot

    VirginiaHuguenot Puritanboard Librarian

    [​IMG]:lol:
     
  3. Archlute

    Archlute Puritan Board Senior

    For any of us who formerly spent time in Charismatic circles, #7 has got to win the prize!

    [Edited on 12-3-2005 by Archlute]
     
  4. Bladestunner316

    Bladestunner316 Puritan Board Doctor

    Guess what pops up first?Frozen Chosen

    [Edited on 12-3-2005 by Bladestunner316]
     
  5. Bladestunner316

    Bladestunner316 Puritan Board Doctor

    I think you asked for a can o worm's saying Spurgeon was too arminian ;)
     
  6. gwine

    gwine Puritan Board Sophomore

    That one's gonna hurt in the morning . . .
     
  7. CalsFarmer

    CalsFarmer Puritan Board Freshman

    I must not be Presbyterian then. In my humble opinion bad taste and not funny.
     
  8. Jeff_Bartel

    Jeff_Bartel Puritan Board Graduate

  9. Anton Bruckner

    Anton Bruckner Puritan Board Professor

    LOL:lol::lol::banana::bigsmile::D
     
  10. Jeff_Bartel

    Jeff_Bartel Puritan Board Graduate

    You might be Presbyterian if you have no sense of humor. :p

    I am really only kidding.

    I'm guessing by Josh's sense of humor, he'll never make it to Presbyterian... :p
     
  11. Jeff_Bartel

    Jeff_Bartel Puritan Board Graduate

    You might be Presbyterian if even though you are really a member of a baptist church, you try to convince everyone around you that you really ARE Presbyterian.

    :banana:
     
  12. Jeff_Bartel

    Jeff_Bartel Puritan Board Graduate

    And by \"assumption\" you mean...definition number 6???

    Webster's 1828 Dictionary
     
  13. Devin

    Devin Puritan Board Sophomore

    7. When the spirit comes upon you in power, you don't raise your hands and shout Hallelujuah, rather you scratch your chin, turn to your neighbor and whisper "hmmm, . . . that was a good point."

    That one was too good. :lol::banana:
     
  14. daveb

    daveb Puritan Board Sophomore

    Happened to me! :up: :D
     
  15. Peter

    Peter Puritan Board Junior

    You Might Be a Calvinist If you believe Servetus got his comeuppance
     
  16. Me Died Blue

    Me Died Blue Puritan Board Post-Graduate

    You might be a Presbyterian if your church announces a "pot-providence" in the bulletin (the church I attend when visiting back in Cincinnati did this).
     
  17. Jeff_Bartel

    Jeff_Bartel Puritan Board Graduate

    Our church calls this meal the same thing! :lol:
     
  18. Average Joey

    Average Joey Puritan Board Junior

    :ditto:

    Ours too!
     
  19. jfschultz

    jfschultz Puritan Board Junior

    Many are cold but a few are frozen. :bigsmile:
     
  20. jfschultz

    jfschultz Puritan Board Junior

    You use enough Latin to sound like a papist. Sprinkling your speech with expressions like "Sola Scriptura", "Soli Deo Gloria", "Deo Volente", and "Posse Paccare" (in various combinations with non prefix).
     
  21. alwaysreforming

    alwaysreforming Puritan Board Sophomore

    OUCH! That one hit home! :lol:
     
  22. Scott

    Scott Puritan Board Graduate

    From an article by 20th century lawyer Clarence Darrow (Scopes Monkey Trial guy) on how good or bad members of different denominations are on juries:
     
  23. Jeff_Bartel

    Jeff_Bartel Puritan Board Graduate

    :lol:
     
  24. kceaster

    kceaster Puritan Board Junior

    "Frozen Chosen" may not be a badge of honor, but "Frozen Chosin" is.

    See here.

    Semper Fi, Mac.

    KC
     
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