Young Love: What are You Waiting For?

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Afterthought

Puritan Board Senior
I heartily agree. I think I would add that people should prepare themselves/mature themselves so that they are ready for marriage (although this was implicit in "old enough" to be married).

Some in the Reformation age married older. I think I recall seeing 26 as an average for men?

In saying all these things, I am keenly aware of many men and women who want nothing more than to marry. Yet the Lord has not provided for this desire. While I feel for them, I’m not speaking to them. I’m speaking to those who have been told, “you shouldn’t marry until…” If marriage is a creation ordinance, and I believe it is, and if we are old enough to take part in it, I believe we should. Whatever weaknesses we see within ourselves, and whatever fears we may have from deviating from social norms, let us plead for the Spirit’s help.
Thank you.
 

timfost

Puritan Board Senior
Looking forward to reading it!

I married at 19 and we just celebrated 14 years in August. I knew I wanted to marry her when I was thirteen, so when people note how young I was, I counter with "well, I did have to wait six years!"
 

JOwen

Puritan Board Junior
I heartily agree. I think I would add that people should prepare themselves/mature themselves so that they are ready for marriage (although this was implicit in "old enough" to be married).

Some in the Reformation age married older. I think I recall seeing 26 as an average for men?


Thank you.
Tim, I think you are correct. On the Continent, the average age was 2 or 3 years older than it was with our New England fathers. Not sure why that was exactly.
 

ZackF

Puritan Board Graduate
Tim, I think you are correct. On the Continent, the average age was 2 or 3 years older than it was with our New England fathers. Not sure why that was exactly.
Many of the early reformers were celebates before conversion.
 

JTB.SDG

Puritan Board Sophomore
"Marry young and have lots of kids." Someone gave me that advice at some point. Still working on the second part.
 

Jack K

Puritan Board Professor
But.... look for a godly mate. If you can't find someone who will help you draw closer to God, and are instead looking at someone who might be a hinderance, don't settle for a mate who is weak in godliness just because you want to hurry and marry young.

As a general rule, though, the good ones go quickly. Another reason to go ahead and marry.
 

Dekybo

Puritan Board Freshman
I was 19 and my wife, 18. We are in our 8th year of marriage. I have no regrets about marrying young.
 

JOwen

Puritan Board Junior
But.... look for a godly mate. If you can't find someone who will help you draw closer to God, and are instead looking at someone who might be a hinderance, don't settle for a mate who is weak in godliness just because you want to hurry and marry young.

As a general rule, though, the good ones go quickly. Another reason to go ahead and marry.
Well said.
 

timfost

Puritan Board Senior
If you can't find someone who will help you draw closer to God, and are instead looking at someone who might be a hinderance, don't settle for a mate who is weak in godliness just because you want to hurry and marry young.
...no matter how good looking.
 

Relztrah

Puritan Board Freshman
I generally agree with the article and I appreciate the many caveats. My wife and I were in our early 30's when we got married, and I'm thankful that I waited. I simply was not mature enough to marry until I was older and if I had gotten married earlier, I fear that it would have been difficult or worse. By the way we just celebrated our 30th anniversary.
 

Jonathan R

Puritan Board Freshman
Agreed - I enjoyed the article. My wife and I met when we were 14 (her) and 15 (me). We got married two weeks after she graduated high school. We are coming up on 5 years of marriage, have a wonderful little girl, and could not imagine having waited even longer to get married.
 

ZackF

Puritan Board Graduate
I was 35 and she 29 when we married. I was engaged at 28 but my ex broke it off because I was, to make a long story short, immature. She was right. As Garth Brooks put it, “thank God for unanswered prayers.”
 

nickipicki123

Puritan Board Freshman
If you have someone to marry, why not go for it!

Trouble is that many of our Reformed singles do not have anyone to marry. I know in my congregation there are few eligible singles.
 

JOwen

Puritan Board Junior
Nicki,
Your point is well taken. Since the writing of the article, many have expressed their desire to marry, but the Lord has not provided that special someone. I think in most congregations have a few (if not more) who fit into the "twenty-somethings" group who "would-if-they-could." I have a daughter that falls into this category. I wish there was something more tangible I could do for these young adults. My heart goes out to them.
 

Ed Walsh

Puritan Board Junior
Here is an article I wrote recently where I try and make an argument for marrying young.
Mary and I have been married since 1973 (45 years) and are still madly in love with each other. Really! We were 21 years old at the time. I've said a hundred times or more that I wish we had married years earlier. Like maybe 17 or 18. In this often arid world, my marriage has been an oasis.
_"and there are many adversaries." (1 Cor. 16:9) [notice Paul did not say "but"]
 

Tom Hart

Puritan Board Senior
A very real issue is that older parents can struggle to keep up with young kids. Around here people wait until thirty before even considering marriage. They have kids when they are in their early or mid-thirties. And that kid will be in kindergarten when they are in their forties. Not ideal. I see too many exhausted, older parents shoving a screen in their young kids' faces to keep them quiet.

(I am in my twenties and my son tires me out every day.)
 

2ndViolinist

Puritan Board Freshman
An interesting article! Thank you for writing this and sharing it. I just want to reply to one point specifically, #6.

I'm inexperienced, but I think that if someone struggles with "unbridled lust" as a single, they might still struggle with it while married. Someone with this problem ought first to bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ, not seek to get married young as a solution. His grace is sufficient--for older singles waiting for the Lord to bring along the right mate and for younger couples looking toward marriage.
 

G

Puritan Board Senior
Someone with this problem ought first to bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ, not seek to get married young as a solution.
Well for me (I married at 19), the Lord used my bride to bridle my lust (1 Cor. 7:9). Most thankfully! After 8 years this still rings true.:detective:
 

G

Puritan Board Senior
No offence, brother, but I imagined that you were in your 40s. The pipe must age you. :lol:;)
None taken....my older look has always served me well in careers, church, and marriage. My wife was 23 when we got married. This is what I look like with no makeup, so I still think I clean up nicely:
upload_2018-12-6_16-44-36.gif
 
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RPEphesian

Puritan Board Junior
Thank you for the article. Might I add a resource that helped me before I get married?

Directives to Singles - Albert N. Martin

As a single I admit this overcaution of marrying young frustrated me. Everyone talked about waiting on the Lord, or how the Lord might just will that I be single for a while longer, or (most cheeringly) "I didn't get married until thirty-..." but at the same time none of the same people ever said to me, "I see that you want to be married. I don't think you're ready, but let me help you get ready." Apart from that last bit, you almost leave a single feeling ashamed like he or she is sinning for desiring marriage. Of course, there was one friend who had waited a long time himself did encourage me to look and get ready, and it was refreshing.

At one point I just bucked all the conventional advice, took a few drastic moves to get a secure and decent job, and then got married at 26. I did have a job, but had begun corresponding with my wife while having been there less than two months, not even sure the job would work out, and it was my first real job. I married her nine months later, and thankfully the job worked out. I only wish I had met and married my wife sooner. And for that matter, taken steps to get ready sooner.
 
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