I Might as well Tell You...

[Ed Walsh]

Hi Friends,

I put this notice off as long as I could. I wanted something definitive to say before I shared this.

Some of you may have noticed that I've only posted several times since March. I got sick and found I could no longer eat anything. Of course, this was problematic as I was headed in only one direction. Downward.

I am coming out of a wild six-month ride. If this thread gets traction, I would love to tell you how good the Lord was to me at my lowest point. To say "it's all good" would be the biggest understatement I have ever made. Ask me about my lowest day of all.

But wait till you hear what was cooking up deep in my system. Here's a riddle for you. What on earth could I mean?

I thought you might be interested in something I wrote to a cousin of mine this afternoon. It's a bit of an outline of the health issues I have at this time. So I'm really good news. And some are not so good. Here's what I wrote.
~~~~~~~

Hi Linda,

I feel pretty good. I am up from nearly 140 lbs to just about 160 lbs today. I'm working out with weights and eating the highest quality liquid food and supplements.

I'm more than half done moving, splitting, and stacking over five cords of firewood. I continue to hike the Appalachian Trail and, of course, ride my Hayabusa whenever I get a chance. Plus I can work part-time.

Last week, I found out I had stage 4 prostate cancer. Then, this Tuesday, I found out it needed treatment ASAP. One doctor suggested that we expand the therapy to include my lymph nodes and scheduled a full-body bone scan. I am fine, but not at all looking forward to maybe two months or more of daily radiation and beginning with hormone therapy to take what's left of my testosterone, thus pretty much de-manning me for the rest of my life. Thanks again for writing. And please know that I am 100% fine with whatever my Lord does to me, with me, but primarily for me.

God bless,

Eddie
~~~~~~~

Here's what I looked like 100 days ago. I am nearly six feet tall, a bit different than my profile picture.

​

 

[0isez]

Ed, It grieves me deeply, but I take comfort in knowing the Lord will be there for you. The medical services the Lord has made available to you are offered for a reason. My hope is that God will provide for all your needs during this trying time and bring you through in better shape than when you entered it so we can enjoy once again your fellowship and wisdom. In Him...Ken

 

[J.L. Allen]

I'm praying now for you, brother.

 

[Jerusalem Blade]

Hey, Ed – looks like you may get to see the King before I do! Will remember you in prayer to Him as you are en route. Thanks for all your sharing here at PB!

 

[C. M. Sheffield]

My dear brother, God bless you, heal you, and strengthen you according to his most holy will; while at the same time preparing you for the certain and solemn hour of death, granting you that peace that passeth understanding and a hope beyond the grave.

 

[Solparvus]

I cannot express the sweet presence that you have been here on this forum Ed. You said we should ask you about your "lowest day of all." Will you tell?

 

[michaelrjones]

I do not know you, brother, but I appreciate hearing this. I face my second prostate biopsy in three years at the end of this month. I appreciate your testimony of God's faithfulness during this and the reminder that we are His.

 

[Edm]

I am praying for you. You have been a constant here and I have gained much from your posts. I hope you are able to enjoy some more hikes.

 

[Edward]

@Ed Walsh Stumbled across a link to this on another site:

Docetaxel use associated with significant reduction in prostate cancer death in very poor prognostic group

Men with high-grade prostate cancer and low prostate-specific antigen (PSA) levels have a poor prognosis. The question remains as to whether the chemotherapy drug docetaxel, which increases survival in metastatic prostate cancer, can improve the cure rate in these patients.

medicalxpress.com

 

[Jeri Tanner]

Thank you for sharing this, Ed. I have you on my prayer list as I'm sure do others here on the board. May the Lord be very near and fill your heart with peace and joy in believing!

 

[Elizabeth]

Oh, my dear brother....many prayers from our house to yours.

 

[Ed Walsh]

Here's what I looked like 100 days ago. I am nearly six feet tall, a bit different than my profile picture.

About my nose. I fell down a lot in my weaker days.
Thanks so much for the thoughts and primarily for your prayers.

But seriously. My sickness and three months of so many tests I've lost count. I'm sure it's in the high teens.

~~~~~~~
Now, More to the Point​

Man, do I have a story to tell? I sure do, and I will say to you someday once I sort everything out.
Please be patient.

I will tell you this much. For several months, the Lord who loves me daily showed me how much He loves me and all of you. I spent the whole of each day in the woods, on the AT, or at a beautiful lake with beavers, muskrats and a white swan couple that's lived here for years. There, He showed me his lovely, now smiling, now weeping face. All for me. Whenever I looked up, He was still there. He is with all of you all day, longing to be with you as it will be someday. There, He gave me His love.

I thought sure I was dying. And yes, @Solparvus – I will tell all. I was so thrilled I couldn't believe what was happening to me.
Be sure I heard no voice, saw no vision, didn't see a miracle, but something so wonderful happened that it is still hard to take in.
I spent several days waiting for the right time to say it. When the time was right, and sure no one was around, the moment came.
From one of the most beautiful places on earth, I looked up and waited maybe 15 minutes, trembling and crying, mucus pouring from my nose.
Then, for the first time in my life, I formed those coveted words. I love you, O Lord.

I need to stop because writing about those stored thoughts has taken my strength away. I told my wife I needed to get away for three or four days to sort things out. The past six months were the wildest ride of my life. I didn't know this level of communion was possible in our state.

Wow!

Evangelism in our day has become so very often a work of man. I don't know if I have the heartbeat of the nation, but I suspect that most of us, when drafted into some Evangelistic program, have just felt creepy. Like our heart isn't in it. Sometimes, the method itself is wrong, contributing to your uneasy feeling, but often, your heart doesn't feel the zeal the Bible speaks of when sharing the gospel. And that, in turn, often leads to personal guilt and sadness as if your disappointing the Lord.

Ed, It grieves me deeply, but I take comfort in knowing the Lord will be there for you.

Dear @0isez – The first shall be last. I started these little comments from the last in the list.
On your "knowing the Lord will be there," He always has been. Always will.
Thanks,
Ed

Hey, Ed – looks like you may get to see the King before I do! Will remember you in prayer to Him as you are en route.

Don't be too sure. There are two men living in my development. Both men I've known for 30 years. One man my age with health issues.
I just decided that I needed to get away from the computer. Maybe I'll finish the story sometime.

My dear brother, God bless you, heal you, and strengthen you according to his most holy will; while at the same time preparing you for the certain and solemn hour of death, granting you that peace that passeth understanding and a hope beyond the grave.

Amen, @C. M. Sheffield Could of said it better.

I cannot express the sweet presence that you have been here on this forum Ed. You said we should ask you about your "lowest day of all." Will you tell?

Not yet, my friend. But I will. And thank you for you. It's big. For me, I felt like a Peter who didn't thrice deny his Lord.

Ed

I do not know you, brother, but I appreciate hearing this. I face my second prostate biopsy in three years at the end of this month. I appreciate your testimony of God's faithfulness during this and the reminder that we are His

Ah, @michaelrjones – So nice of you to write. Really! Let's get to know each other. We already have the most important things in common.
Thanks again.

I am praying for you. You have been a constant here and I have gained much from your posts. I hope you are able to enjoy some more hikes

Thank you, @Edm – Thanks for praying. Can I make a request? Notice I did not post in the "Pray Like This" forum. If I need prayer, let it be for how good God was to grant me His high privileges as He did. As the weeks passed by, I was getting better and better. I needed prayer to get over the possibility that now was not the time for me to die. I wanted to go so bad. I still do. But then they found the cancer...

 

[LadyCalvinist]

Praying dear brother. May HE hold you in his arms.

 

[Ryan&Amber2013]

For the years I have been on this board, you have always been passionate and encouraging. Thank you so much for that. I sure hope the Lord sustains your health.

On a side note, 160lbs is actually a normal weight for somebody that is 6 ft tall, according to the BMI chart. I know this, because for whatever reason, I have a hard time gaining weight and keeping weight on.

 

[Semper Fidelis]

I'm very sad to hear all of this and praying for you.

 

[Alan D. Strange]

@Ed Walsh

I pray, Ed, the Lord's richest blessings for you and yours in all this, whatever the answer to that may mean.

Peace,
Alan

 

[Berean]

I'm so sad to hear of all this, Ed. Praying for you and especially for your dear wife, Mary.

 

[Scott Bushey]

Praying dear brother.

 

[AnnaBanana]

Ed,

Your words are wisdom. I look up to you although you are a stranger. I know that through this God will only be magnified.

 

[Ed Walsh]

I'm very sad to hear all of this and praying for you.

I'm very sad to hear all of this and praying for you.

Thanks, Rich,

To all: I don't want to squelch your prayers, but it is not at all sure this will kill me – at least not yet.

The worst sign is that some hot spots are at stage four and perhaps able to metastasize, but there is no evidence that they have spread. I'm still scheduled for a nuclear bone scan to be sure. All the tests I have already had make me wonder if they thought I was deficient in radioactive materials. But the amount of radiation I am about to get will make the quarts of barium, the CT scans, the X-rays, and GI fluoroscopy etc., etc., seem like nothing at all. O' boy, I can't wait.

Also, I want you all to know that right now, I am growing in strength and feel really good, except for this, that, and the other pain or weakness.

Finally, please don't be sad for me. To be sure, everything that happens to a child of the Great King is good for them. Always. And, as for Christ loving you, He does so passionately and with an earnest concern for all His little ones. And when you fail, for all men sin, Christ is so far from being angry that He weeps more for our sins and longs for the time when these necessary adjustments are tweaked perfectly by Jesus. I am sure I am right about this. The Lord, who has had you on His blessed mind every minute of your life, will not allow you to stay here one nanosecond longer than needed.
Out of time again.

Thank you all so much. And do please pray for my wife. I was tough on her at times and was wrong. Mary isn't at all on the same page as me regarding dying. But I'm still OK with whichever way He chooses.

 

[TylerRay]

I'm rejoicing for your soul while simultaneously grieving for your body, brother. Praying for continued experience of the breadth, length, depth, and height of the love of Christ (Eph 3:18-19 KJV), and for strength and perseverance in faith for both you and yours.