Accused of Arrogance

[jjraby]

Fellow PBers,

I have recently gotten into a discussion with someone and someone has told that person that I am arrogant. Now, I try very hard not to come across that way. But, upon thinking about, my extreme lack of self confidence probably, for one reason or another, comes across as arrogance. I have no specifics and I don't know exactly what I did or what I am doing for people to think i am arrogant. What advice do you guys have for me so i can work on this? Any books? sermons? anything would help. thanks!

 

[SolaScriptura]

I get called arrogant all the time... don't worry, they're just jealous of you.



Ok, seriously... please remember that just about everyone is going to be considered arrogant by someone at some point in time. Before you start inundating yourself with books and sermons to tell you to not be arrogant, why not ask those who can be the most honest with you about how you come across?

If this one person thinks you're arrogant, but no one else does, then it's their interpretation and the best thing to do would be different than if you find out that a great many people perceive you as being arrogant.

And what is frustrating is when people say that they percieve you a certain way, but they can't point to a particular thing you say or do, but rather to a "vibe" you give off. So ask people who know you well - in fact, I'd likely NOT ask your pastor or elders unless you spend a good deal of time interacting with them, because (quite frankly) the you that you are in their presence is likely different than the you that you are in other settings - ask people who know you well and can be honest with you. And don't argue with their perception, just listen, and see what the preponderance of people think and feel about how you come across.

 

[Andres]

how does your extreme lack of self-confidence come across as arrogant? I don't get that. Anyway, it helps to remember that you only have the knowledge you have by the grace of God, so you really can't take credit for it.

 

[Skyler]

 

[jjraby]

how does your extreme lack of self-confidence come across as arrogant? I don't get that. Anyway, it helps to remember that you only have the knowledge you have by the grace of God, so you really can't take credit for it.

probably because i talk too much, I might interrupt people more than i mean too. And maybe i over compensate by sharing my opinion too much. I don't know, just an explanation.

 

[puritanpilgrim]

I have seen someone losing an argument call someone arrogant. It's usually a last ditch ad hominem effort which is quite successful in our society. You shouldn't be so sure of anything, but they can be sure that you are arrogant.

 

[jjraby]

I have seen someone losing an argument call someone arrogant. It's usually a last ditch ad hominem effort which is quite successful in our society. You shouldn't be so sure of anything, but they can be sure that you are arrogant.

well what bothers me is that I don't know how said this, and they said it to a Pastor at a church that i am about to get a job with the youth. But, the youth pastor assured me that only He and the Pastor know about this and they put it out of their minds. It just bothers me that someone thinks that about me enough to go a blab it to someone else.

 

[TheElk]

You claim to know and worship the One True God... Some would call that being arrogant. Oh well.

Did your brother come to you in a spirit of love or one of contempt? That should be a major factor in how much you dwell on it. Good luck.

 

[christiana]

If you take a firm stand for what you believe you may be viewed in many different negative ways due to their refusal to consider biblical truth. Many are pushed into a corner with the label of being intolerant. If you live to please the Lord then know you cannot be pleasing all others of the world! Be confident in Him, more than in yourself and stand firm. There are times that confidence and arrogance may appear similar. Dont buy into labels.

 

[Zenas]

You and I are conversation dominators. A lot of people percieve that as arrogance. I am arrogant though.

---------- Post added at 01:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:04 PM ----------

I have seen someone losing an argument call someone arrogant. It's usually a last ditch ad hominem effort which is quite successful in our society. You shouldn't be so sure of anything, but they can be sure that you are arrogant.

well what bothers me is that I don't know how said this, and they said it to a Pastor at a church that i am about to get a job with the youth. But, the youth pastor assured me that only He and the Pastor know about this and they put it out of their minds. It just bothers me that someone thinks that about me enough to go a blab it to someone else.

Prepare for this. As someone in the ministry, you're going to have tons of people gossiping not only about you, but also your family. I'm amazed at how many "believers" attempt character assasination against pastors and their families.

 

[FenderPriest]

I would read, reread, and digest this: The Cross and Criticism.

 

[Idelette]

I agree with Josh, I think you should approach the person that made the initial comment, and ask for more clarity. Humble yourself, and see if there be any reason for someone to call you arrogant. I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the comment..... there may be a valid reason or something about the way that you speak to others that does come across arrogantly. And if that is the case, you should be mindful to work on these things. If there is no warrant for someone calling you arrogant, then you have nothing to worry about and your character should speak for itself.

 

[SolaScriptura]

My post is the best post. I hope that doesn't make me sound arrogant.

 

[Willem van Oranje]

I have had much worse said about me.

 

[Greg]

how does your extreme lack of self-confidence come across as arrogant? I don't get that. Anyway, it helps to remember that you only have the knowledge you have by the grace of God, so you really can't take credit for it.

probably because i talk too much, I might interrupt people more than i mean too. And maybe i over compensate by sharing my opinion too much. I don't know, just an explanation.

Interesting. I tend to be a fairly quiet and reserved person, especially when around new folks I don't know. I've had people tell me before that this comes across as being stuck up and arrogant.

 

[paculina]

how does your extreme lack of self-confidence come across as arrogant? I don't get that. Anyway, it helps to remember that you only have the knowledge you have by the grace of God, so you really can't take credit for it.

probably because i talk too much, I might interrupt people more than i mean too. And maybe i over compensate by sharing my opinion too much. I don't know, just an explanation.

Instead of coming across as nervousness or whatever, it might actually be coming across as you aren't interested in what anyone else has to say and/or you think your opinion is the only one that matters, either of which could totally be interpreted as arrogance. I have friends and family that interrupt me constantly and talk constantly and it makes me feel like I'm not that important, like they don't really value my contribution to the conversation and aren't interested in what I say. It's not a good feeling. You might take a few moments to examine yourself and see if you are unknowingly doing this to other people. Or ask them if they feel that way.

In any case, it wouldn't hurt any of us to practice listening more. God gave us two ears and one mouth, and if you use them in those proportions, you can't really go wrong. Make a conscious effort to evaluate your contribution to the conversation before you open your mouth. Is what you're saying necessary? Does it contribute value to the conversation? Has someone asked for your input? Or are you only talking because you're uncomfortable and just want to say something? Start being consciously aware of your behavior in conversation, you might learn a lot from it.

 

[schwarzeneggerchia]

In this postmodern age, it'll be no uncommon thing to be called arrogant because to impose or to assume we know something, makes us to be arrogant but their unassuming ignorance and inquisitiveness is them intellectual humility when in fact to deny truth is in itself arrogance.

 

[Scottish Lass]

If I'm reading right, J.R. doesn't know who said it, so asking for examples may be difficult.

 

[JBaldwin]

Matthew tells us that we often see the speck in another person's eye, and don't see the beam in our own eye. The older I get, the more I realize this is true, and it works both ways.

My suggestion is to ask God if this is true, and if it is to help deal with it in your life.

A similar thing happened to me several years ago, and it wasn't long before God brought me to my knees.

 

[Bern]

probably because i talk too much, I might interrupt people more than i mean too. And maybe i over compensate by sharing my opinion too much. I don't know, just an explanation.

I understand what you mean. I sometimes get verbal diarrhoea when I'm feeling uncomfortable in a situation, or whats often worse, is that I use humour to relieve the tension... this often makes me look stupid or inappropriate. Its something I've concsiously been working on, to think before I speak. Its hard sometimes, but I believe its in our best interest. I try to listen more than I speak now.

Use these three questions to help you before you say something:
Is it necessary? Is it kind? Is it true?

 

[CalvinandHodges]

Hi:

Think of others as better than yourself.

Blessings,

Rob