Bad Kitty
- Thread starter Reformingstudent
- Start date
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Bladestunner316
Puritan Board Doctor
Five seconds after this shot was taken, Ninja Coolidge sprang into action defending his turf. I escaped with some minor scratches.
Luckily, all the rifles were locked up.
Vic
Luckily, all the rifles were locked up.
Vic
VirginiaHuguenot
Puritanboard Librarian
~~Susita~~
Puritan Board Junior
I love that kitten one, Mr. Myers! So funny
Scott Shahan
Puritan Board Sophomore
MeanieCalvinist
Puritan Board Freshman
Augusta
Puritan Board Doctor
I thought this was funny. It demonstrates the difference between dogs and cats very well.
The dog's diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's
bed! My favorite!
The cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced
to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of
escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing
the furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -
must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an
attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,
I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair - must try this on their bed, (or car.....)
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body
in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable
of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They
only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise
and smell the food. More important, I overheard that
my confinement was due to my powers of inducing
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it
to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are
flunkies and
maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than
happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird,
on the other hand, has got to be an informant and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal
room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.
The dog's diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's
bed! My favorite!
The cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced
to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of
escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing
the furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -
must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an
attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,
I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair - must try this on their bed, (or car.....)
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body
in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable
of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They
only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise
and smell the food. More important, I overheard that
my confinement was due to my powers of inducing
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it
to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are
flunkies and
maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than
happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird,
on the other hand, has got to be an informant and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal
room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.
Anton Bruckner
Puritan Board Professor
you guys are crazy now i'm not going to look at cats the same.VirginiaHuguenot
Puritanboard Librarian
Traci -- I've seen that before but it cracks me up every time!
HuguenotHelpMeet
Puritan Board Freshman
Just read this thread for the first time today. WoW!!
Augusta
Puritan Board Doctor
Feline Physics Laws
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
jaybird0827
Puritan Board Post-Graduate
Anyone remember The Official "I Hate Cats" Book?
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