For all you fathers and young ladies:

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~~Susita~~

~~Susita~~

Puritan Board Junior
Thought y'all might enjoy this - I actually typed it out and carry it in my backpack.

Application for Permission to Court My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME________________________DATE OF BIRTH__________________

HEIGHT________WEIGHT________IQ_________ GPA________________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_______________DRIVERS LICENSE #__________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________

HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STATE__________ ZIP_________

Do you have parents? __Yes __No
Is one male and the other female? __Yes __No
If no, explain:
___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________________

If less than your age, explain_____________________________

___________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,
pierced tongue, pierced cheek, belly
button ring or any other piercing? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED “YES” TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend_____________________________________________________

How often you attend_____________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? __________

Mother? __________

Pastor? __________

SHORT ANSWER SECTION

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.



A. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot is:

___________________________________________________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is:

___________________________________________________________

C. A woman’s place is in the:

___________________________________________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

___________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? _________________

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

___________________________________________________________

G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room?

___________________________________________________________















I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_______________________________________
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

__________________ ___________________
Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature

__________________ ___________________
Pastor’s signature State Rep/Congressman

Thank-you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow two to ten years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)
 
:D - That's such a good approach to be taking. I can only imagine how many guys would be caught off guard with that form.

[Edited on 10-15-2006 by Theoretical]
 
Mr. Leavelle, who knows what God has in store? Unfortunately, most of us have to hit our heads before we learn (some harder than others). My brother has gone through this process, and I believe he has a long way to go yet. We both know all we can do is pray and witness as the opportunity allows - and I'll keep praying for your baby. :)
 
I understand that this is all in fun, yadayada. But this sentence needs to be re-thought:
Thank-you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow two to ten years for processing.
Click to expand...
As I clean and oil my shotgun in the presence of a would-be suitor, I plan to ask the following question:

ARE YOU SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO MY DAUGHTER?

If the answer isn't a humble and respectful "Yes Sir!", not only can he NOT court her (he's either lying, or he doesn't know what courtship or marriage is about), he may as well just go home now, because the interview is over...
 
I've seen things similar to this, with one hilarious add-in at the bottom:

"I'm sure you've been told that sex without a barrier method is dangerous, and that it can eventually kill you.

But in the case of my daughter, I AM THE BARRIER AND I WILL KILL YOU."
 
Shot from the lip:

"Thank you for your interest. It better be genuine, because I don't suffer fools gladly. Your interest in sex better be less than your fear of God. Fear of me, although necessary, is insufficient. Allow as much time for processing your application as I deem necessary."
 
Originally posted by Contra_Mundum
Shot from the lip:

"Thank you for your interest. It better be genuine, because I don't suffer fools gladly. Your interest in sex better be less than your fear of God. Fear of me, although necessary, is insufficient. Allow as much time for processing your application as I deem necessary."
Click to expand...

:amen:

Two things:

1. I pray my future-in-law would be courageous enough and insightful enough to make a response in this manner.

2. I pray that I would have the moral strength to be able to be this direct and forceful, yet wise, in dealing with potential suitors of any daughters the Lord may give my future wife and I.
 
Originally posted by Contra_Mundum
Shot from the lip:

"Thank you for your interest. It better be genuine, because I don't suffer fools gladly. Your interest in sex better be less than your fear of God. Fear of me, although necessary, is insufficient. Allow as much time for processing your application as I deem necessary."
Click to expand...

Much better, thanks! :D
 
That was on an IFB pastor's blog some time back (actually, I think he is taking credit for it). I have considered printing it.
 
It's things like this that give courtship a bad name. Tell the creeps no, and show the decent guys a little respect.


:2cents:
 
Originally posted by bradofshaw
It's things like this that give courtship a bad name. Tell the creeps no, and show the decent guys a little respect.


:2cents:
Click to expand...
Okay, you would so not be courting one of my daughters...


to be in this family you HAVE to have a sense of humour.
 
Originally posted by LadyFlynt
Originally posted by bradofshaw
It's things like this that give courtship a bad name. Tell the creeps no, and show the decent guys a little respect.


:2cents:
Click to expand...
Okay, you would so not be courting one of my daughters...


to be in this family you HAVE to have a sense of humour.
Click to expand...

Well, you did say your sense of humor was warped. I for one would never have wasted my time filling out the application.

I wish you all the best.
 
I am not a father, nor due to various circumstance will i ever be one (bromine poisoning in a lab), but I have stepped in a few times when a female friend whose own father had passed away was approached by a young man for the purposes of dating and I have always fallen back on Greg Price's format. (I also have been known to be cleaning my shotgun when doing the interview with my boots up on the table I will ask certain questions white looking down the barrel at him :)

Here is Price's interview question list:
APPENDIX A
The Interview
This list of questions is only suggestive of the knowledge a father should have of a potential suitor for his child. Many of the following questions are designed with a male suitor in view, but they may be altered to include a young lady your son desires to court as well. In many cases, the father will be so well acquainted with the potential suitor that many of the following questions will be unnecessary. However, the father should be assured that his knowledge of the potential suitor encompasses the breadth of knowledge assumed by these questions. The father should also make phone calls to the suitor’s parents, elders, and friends to verify information. This is important because once an emotional attachment has occurred between the courting couple, it complicates matters dramatically.

There are four major categories to which questions should be directed: (1) Background; (2) Faith and Biblical Convictions; (3) Character; and (4) Intentions/Goals. If in asking questions there should be conflicting answers, do not neglect to resolve the inconsistencies as soon as possible. Fathers, you should conduct the interview, but mothers should be permitted to sit and listen as well (it is better to have the mother ask any questions she might have through the father rather than firing questions simultaneously). Mothers should excuse themselves when the section on Character is reached due to the sensitive nature of these questions. It would be very wise to set aside at least three hours for the interview and have any small children supervised and phones taken off the hooks. I am thankful to my congregation at the Puritan Reformed Church of Edmonton for suggesting a sample list of questions to be used by fathers, particularly the first time through this process.

A. Background

1. Where were you born?
2. When were you born?
3. Tell me about your parents (ages, health, marital status, employment, residence, citizenship, education).
4. Tell me about any brothers or sisters you may have (ages, marital status, employment, residence, citizenship, education).
5. Where have you lived and what schools have you attended (public schools, private schools, or home school)? How have you done academically in school? What academic degrees are you working toward and what academic degrees have you earned?
6. Where do you work? How long? What other jobs have you held?
7. What recreations or hobbies do you enjoy?
8. What books have you recently read? Who are your favorite authors?
9. To which magazines or journals do you subscribe?
10. Do you watch TV? What programs do you enjoy? How much do you watch?
11. Do you watch movies at a theater? What movies have you seen in the last year? How often do you go?
12. What kind of music do you enjoy?
13. What period of history do you most enjoy studying?
14. Do you have a savings account? What percentage of your income do you put into savings (the purpose of these questions is to gain some insight into his view of stewardship and saving for the future)?
15. Of which organizations are you a member?
16. What is your political affiliation? In the last election for which candidates did you vote?
17. Have you talked to your parents about courting my daughter/son? What do they think? If you haven’t talked with them, why not? Have you talked to the elders of your church about courting my daughter/son? What did they think? If you haven’t talked with them , why not?

B. Faith and Biblical Convictions

I strongly encourage parents not to allow too much latitude in theological disagreement between the potential suitor and your own theological convictions. The Scripture declares that Christians are to marry only "in the Lord." However, different theological perspectives amongst Christians should not be casually passed over as acceptable, for true unity in a home, as in a church, is built upon a foundational agreement of biblical truth. Some significant differences to be aware of between professing Christians are the following: infant baptism vs. believer’s baptism, exclusive psalmody vs. hymnody, instrumental music in worship vs. non-instrumental music in worship, a woman’s head covered in worship vs. a woman’s head not covered in worship, no use of birth control vs. the use of birth control, a Presbyterian form of church government vs. a congregational or episcopal form of government, Calvinism vs. Arminianism, defined biblical roles for men and women vs. egalitarianism, covenant theology vs. dispensational theology, sabbatarianism vs. nonsabbatarianism, non-charismatic vs. charismatic views, theonomic vs. nontheonomic ethics, etc.

1. What is your relationship to Christ? What is a Christian? On what do you base your salvation? How long have you been a Christian? Did you grow up in a Christian family? What is the chief end of man?
2. What churches have you attended and of which churches have you been a member? How long have you been a member of the present church? What are the theological distinctives of your church?
3. How often do your parents have family worship? What is your practice with regard to private worship (prayer, studying the Scripture)?
4. What is your view of and involvement in evangelism? Are you involved in any cultural efforts to bring the knowledge of God to society? Are you involved in any diaconal ministry?
5. What are your convictions about the Lord’s Day?
6. What are your convictions about tithing?
7. What is worship? What are your convictions about issues related to worship (e.g. head-coverings, instruments in the worship service, singing psalms, women elders, choirs and special music, drama, altar calls etc.)?
8. What do you believe concerning creation?
9. What is the role of a husband/father in the home? What is the role of a wife/mother in the home? Should wives/mothers work outside the home?
10. What do you believe concerning the use of spanking?
11. Is holiness optional in the Christian life?
12. What is your view of children? Do you believe birth control methods are biblical? How many children would you like to have as the fruit of your marriage?
13. Is abortion ever biblically justified?
14. Give a biblical evaluation of the present status of our nation?
15. Is divorce ever biblically justified?
16. What is courtship, engagement, and marriage? Thoroughly discuss the contents of this paper with the potential suitor. Proceed to courtship only after you are satisfied that there is a willingness to joyfully submit to your loving oversight.

C. Character

If a young man/young lady has had a problem in any of the following areas, I would not necessarily write him/her off as undesirable. God’s grace may be especially evident in such a person. A sincere honesty about the past problem, a confirmed track record of godly living for a few years, and a verified history of willing submission to parents, elders, and employers will indicate that God has been merciful to deliver one from a besetting sin. What you are looking for in a desirable suitor is not perfection, but patterns of godly or ungodly behavior. It would be appropriate for the mother to excuse herself at this point due to the explicit questions about past or present sexual practices.

1. Have you ever been sexually promiscuous (petting, intercourse, homosexuality, masturbation, etc.)? When was the last time you were sexually promiscuous? Have you repented of this sin? Did you seek the forgiveness of the people involved? Were you biblically counseled through this experience afterwards? Who can verify this?
2. Have you ever been drunk or used drugs recreationally? If yes, how did you use them (orally, intravenously)? For how long? When was the last time? Did you repent of this sin? Did you seek the forgiveness of those involved? Were you biblically counseled through this experience and to whom were you accountable afterwards? Who can verify this?
3. Have you ever been tested for sexually transmitted diseases (particularly AIDS)? If yes, would you be willing to be tested again? If no, would you be willing to be tested? (Though no covenantal vows have been made, I submit that if such issues are not resolved before courtship begins, emotional bonds between the couple will have been established and will only complicate matters later if a proposal of marriage should be brought by the suitor.)
4. Have you exhibited a problem with angry speech toward others? Have you ever struck anyone, or destroyed the property of anyone in anger? When? What were the circumstances? When was the last time this happened? Did you repent of this sin? Did you seek the forgiveness of those involved? Were you biblically counseled through this experience and to whom were you accountable afterwards? Who can verify this?
5. Have you ever purchased pornographic material (books, magazines, movies, video tapes etc.) or attended places where there is nude dancing, strip dancing etc.? When? When was the last time this happened? Did you repent of this sin? Did you seek the forgiveness of those who were involved? Were you biblically counseled through this experience and to whom were you accountable afterwards? Who can verify this?
6. Have you ever been arrested, charged, or convicted of a crime (misdemeanor or felony)? Describe the circumstances.
7. Is there a situation in which you believe you would be justified in deceiving someone? Describe such a situation?
8. Have you ever courted? Have you ever been engaged? Have you ever been married? Have you ever been divorced? Are you presently married? Do you have children?
9. What is your view of biblical submission? Does biblical submission imply that one must always agree with those in authority?
10. What is biblical love? How is it demonstrated?
11. Can a promise, vow, or oath ever be broken (cf. Westminster Confession of Faith, Chapter XXII, "Of Lawful Oaths and Vows")?
12. What is a leader? What are the responsibilities of a leader in a family?
13. When is humor appropriate and inappropriate?
14. Should a biblical principle be compromised for the sake of expediency or unity (in a family, church, business, or civil government)? Does the end ever justify the means?
15. If you are offended by others, how should you respond? If you sin against others, how should you respond?
16. What is your view of debt (personal, family, church, business, or civil government)?
17. What is your view of work?
18. What is your view of recreation?
19. Are you a good listener?
20. Are you teachable?
21. Do you aspire to become an elder or deacon in the church?
22. Do you think men should honor women by opening doors, pulling out chairs, offering their seats when there are none available, etc.?
D. Intentions/Goals

1. What are your intentions in desiring to court my daughter/son? The most important intentions should be: (1) to glorify God; (2) to find a godly companion together with whom you will fulfill God’s calling in your life; and (3) to raise many holy offspring unto the Lord.
2. In which career do you believe God has called you to labor?
3. What further training or education is required?
4. How much time will that career permit you to spend with your family and church?
5. If I should approve of your courting my daughter, and you should come to believe that she is the one God would have you spend the rest of your life with in marriage, will you come and discuss this with me first, seeking my approval even before you proceed to propose marriage to her?
Click to expand...

[Edited on 10-16-2006 by Hungus]
 
I do realize that the intention of this thread is mostly for laughs but I wanted to express just a word of caution to any parents on this board with daughters to remember that we should treat all people with love and humility. I think it's important to keep in mind Christian charity and compassion, especially in these delicate and life important matters.

Hopefully most, if not all, potential suitors for your daughters would be of the same mind as you. Maybe this application isn't meant for them in reality. I suspect that this application is just meant in jest, but I do believe that the heart-attitude behind it is very much present, sadly, in some reformed circles.

Too often, I have witnessed fathers who feel that they have the right to embarrass and humiliate a potential suitor just because they have something very valuable (a most desirable and rare ruby) and therefore feel that they can require any price they set for her. And keep in mind that this could be someone that your daughter will be submitting to someday. We would not want her thoughts of him to begin as someone who was looked down upon and humiliated by her father. I don't think that asking about a gentleman's sexual desire toward your daughter would be an edifying question. First of all, it seems that you'd be setting him up to be tempted to be untruthful and I believe it would not only be embarrassing but so much so that he might rethink his desire to be a part of such a family. Looking out for the best interest of your daughters doesn't have to come at the expense of others.

The fathers that love their daughters so dearly that they would "protect" them from their suitors with use of humiliation and scare tactics may end up losing their daughters to these men by their prideful behavior. I pray that it is not the case.
 
Jessica, that is excellent. It's true...I would not have a young man fill out an application. And I do see it as jest to the idea that we are protective of our children.
 
Susan,

I know that Josh McDowell may not be the best "theological" example to follow, but I'll never forget what he said when I went to a Petra concert in Denver back in 1989. He said that his daughter knew to tell a young man that if the kid wanted to do something "outside the bounds of marriage" (Mods: this is as clean as I can make it), then he would have to call her father. Then she would tell the kid that if it was all right with her father, then it was all right with her.

Granted, there would be a loophole to that, but not much. The young man would either 1. learn from the example and be content 2. be upset about it (for all the wrong and selfish reasons, or 3. call her father and lie about his obvious response. With the last one, she'd see right through him and know that her father wouldn't allow it.

Just some food for thought.:lightbulb:
 
If he can't laugh at it then his sense of humor wouldn't fit with my family's very sarcastic (warped?) humor. I don't expect him to actually fill it out and get the signatures of his mother, father, pastor, state representative/congressman, sheesh. Mainly it would get the point across of how my family operates: My father is the head of our family and I trust his judgment - something that I've learned to trust the hard way. If he doesn't ask my father first, then it's an automatic NO; no matter how much of a "nice Christian young man" he is.

Thank-you for y'all's input, though :)
 
I wonder how many of the men administering these "tests" would have fared if they were made to take the tests in their younger days.
 
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