How to choose a wife
- Thread starter danmpem
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Depends on where yer from - In the south:
If she can drink more beer than ya
If she can chew more than ya
If she can spit farther than ya
If she catches more fish than ya
If she can shoot a buck with better accuracy and from a greater distance than ya
And if she can beat ya at arm wrastlin, then she ain't the one.
But, if she can put together a vintage mustang in record time with limited parts then you got yourself a winner!
If she can drink more beer than ya
If she can chew more than ya
If she can spit farther than ya
If she catches more fish than ya
If she can shoot a buck with better accuracy and from a greater distance than ya
And if she can beat ya at arm wrastlin, then she ain't the one.
But, if she can put together a vintage mustang in record time with limited parts then you got yourself a winner!
panta dokimazete
Puritan Board Post-Graduate
As a Southern boy that married a gal raised up in the PCA, I can only say. AAAAMEN!
DMcFadden
Puritanboard Commissioner
After 33 years of marriage and 5 kids (four of them married), I would stress becoming God's man first. Before you can expect a quality woman to find you marriage material, you might want to work on becoming that kind of Godly man. Then, focus on character qualities in the women you date, not surface looks. Finally, ask yourself: "Can I really see myself growing old with this woman?"
Wannabee
Obi Wan Kenobi
Good advice.
Also, meet her mom. Most likely, you'll be looking at the woman her daughter will be in a couple of decades or so. It's a general guide that is more correct than not. Listen to how she talks to and about her father. This will reveal her attitude toward male leadership in her life; which translates to you. If she thinks her father is stupid then she'll most likely think the same about you when she doesn't agree with you.
Also, meet her mom. Most likely, you'll be looking at the woman her daughter will be in a couple of decades or so. It's a general guide that is more correct than not. Listen to how she talks to and about her father. This will reveal her attitude toward male leadership in her life; which translates to you. If she thinks her father is stupid then she'll most likely think the same about you when she doesn't agree with you.
Iconoclast
Puritan Board Junior
Charles Bridges wanted you to know this;
22Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD
Some find "a crown to their head;" others, "rottenness to their bones."
(Chap. xii. 4.) That which alone deserves the name is indeed a good
thing. If in a state of innocence "it was not good for a man to be
alone" (Gen. ii. 18); much more in a world of care and trouble "two
are better than one" for mutual support, helpfulness, and sympathy.*
The good thing implies godliness, and fitness. Godliness is found, when
the man marries "only in the Lord" (1 Cor. vii. 39), and only one, who
is the Lord's. The "unequal yoke with unbelievers" (2 Cor. vi. 14)--
the union for life of a child of God with a child of Satan, is a most
awful anomaly. 'I wish'--said pious Bishop Hall, that Manoah
could speak so loud, that all our Israelites might hear him—"Is there
never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all
God's people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philis-
tines?" If religion be any other than a cipher, how dare we not regard
it in our most important choice? Is she a fair Philistine? Why is not
the deformity of the soul more powerful to dissuade us, than the beauty
of the face to allure us?'†
There may however be godliness on both sides, without that mutual
fitness which makes the woman "a helpmeet for the man." The good
thing is, when he honours her, not as the wisest for the holiest of women,
but as the person, whom God saw to be the best and fittest for himself
in the whole world, a comfort for life, a help for heaven.‡ . Thus she
becomes the one object of his undivided heart. Mutual faith is plighted
in the Lord. Such a communion spiritualizes his affections, and
elevates him from earth to heaven.
But how is this good thing found? Isaac found it, where every
Christian looks for his blessing, as an answer to prayer. (Gen. xxiv.) A
man's choice for his own indulgence will bring a curse upon himself and
his family. (2 Chron. xviii. 1, 2; xxi. 1-6.) "Choose thou mine inherit-
ance for me" (Ps. xlvii. 4)— is the cry and confidence of the child of God.
Then truly will he obtain the gift, not as the result of fortune, or as the
proof of his own good discernment; but, as Adam received his wife,
"from the Lord" (Chap, xix. 14), a token of his special favour.
22Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD
Some find "a crown to their head;" others, "rottenness to their bones."
(Chap. xii. 4.) That which alone deserves the name is indeed a good
thing. If in a state of innocence "it was not good for a man to be
alone" (Gen. ii. 18); much more in a world of care and trouble "two
are better than one" for mutual support, helpfulness, and sympathy.*
The good thing implies godliness, and fitness. Godliness is found, when
the man marries "only in the Lord" (1 Cor. vii. 39), and only one, who
is the Lord's. The "unequal yoke with unbelievers" (2 Cor. vi. 14)--
the union for life of a child of God with a child of Satan, is a most
awful anomaly. 'I wish'--said pious Bishop Hall, that Manoah
could speak so loud, that all our Israelites might hear him—"Is there
never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all
God's people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philis-
tines?" If religion be any other than a cipher, how dare we not regard
it in our most important choice? Is she a fair Philistine? Why is not
the deformity of the soul more powerful to dissuade us, than the beauty
of the face to allure us?'†
There may however be godliness on both sides, without that mutual
fitness which makes the woman "a helpmeet for the man." The good
thing is, when he honours her, not as the wisest for the holiest of women,
but as the person, whom God saw to be the best and fittest for himself
in the whole world, a comfort for life, a help for heaven.‡ . Thus she
becomes the one object of his undivided heart. Mutual faith is plighted
in the Lord. Such a communion spiritualizes his affections, and
elevates him from earth to heaven.
But how is this good thing found? Isaac found it, where every
Christian looks for his blessing, as an answer to prayer. (Gen. xxiv.) A
man's choice for his own indulgence will bring a curse upon himself and
his family. (2 Chron. xviii. 1, 2; xxi. 1-6.) "Choose thou mine inherit-
ance for me" (Ps. xlvii. 4)— is the cry and confidence of the child of God.
Then truly will he obtain the gift, not as the result of fortune, or as the
proof of his own good discernment; but, as Adam received his wife,
"from the Lord" (Chap, xix. 14), a token of his special favour.
Reformed Covenanter
Cancelled Commissioner
Read Doug Wilson's books Her Hand in Marriage (on courtship), Reforming Marriage, and Federal Husband.
....Just kidding.....pray and accept God's timing.
Well maybe.
Sometimes people change. And God in his Providence sets up and sets down. There is no magic formula. But do set up a list of character issues that you want. And don't look for a slave. You want a help meet full of virtue and commitment, who sees things to completion. One who is not prone to being burnt out. I wish I could have found someone like my Grandmother or Mother. Servants to all but relentless to making sure the family was taken care of first. And you want a bride who doesn't suck the life out of people but breaths life into others.
I failed miserably at this. But I have three of the most wonderful young men as sons.
Simply_Nikki
Puritan Board Junior
Also there is a really good webzine at Boundless Webzine | An Online Magazine for Christian Young Adults with lots of articles relating to young single and married christian adults. They're pretty sound from my judgment. They have a pretty conservative and biblical view of dating and marriage. 
Reformed Covenanter
Cancelled Commissioner
Read Proverbs 31.
Blueridge Believer
Puritan Board Professor
Look for a woman who is filled with the Spirit of God and is an ardent student of God's Word. If you find that she will most likely live a disciplined and orderly life. Everything else is secondary.
Reformed Covenanter
Cancelled Commissioner
After 33 years of marriage and 5 kids (four of them married), I would stress becoming God's man first. Before you can expect a quality woman to find you marriage material, you might want to work on becoming that kind of Godly man. Then, focus on character qualities in the women you date, not surface looks. Finally, ask yourself: "Can I really see myself growing old with this woman?"
As with the points above put the Kingdom of God and Christ first.
One word of caution though, make sure that the women you choose is truly a Christian. Unfortunately, I have seen too many times where honest men are deceived by imposter's, so a lot of time should go into your choice, that way you can examine the womens testimony.
N. Eshelman
Puritan Board Senior
Focus on the traits that the Scriptures want YOU to posses as a man of God. If you are doing this, then you will not settle for anything less than a woman of excellence.
My wife said that what she 'hated' most about Christian men in college was how focused they were with what Christian women SHOULD be doing... but not living up to the high standards of godliness and holiness that the Scriptures put on us.
I hope that helps.
My wife said that what she 'hated' most about Christian men in college was how focused they were with what Christian women SHOULD be doing... but not living up to the high standards of godliness and holiness that the Scriptures put on us.
I hope that helps.
Theoretical
Puritan Board Professor
SemperWife
Puritan Board Freshman
What I found most endearing in my husband in our first encounters was his passion for the Lord and for life. This passion exuded from him in his faith, his work, the way he played sports, they way he sung, his studies....and so forth. And he was a man of action!!! He didn't just say he would do something, he did it. He understood the value of an oath and always made good on his word.
I was attracted to this passion that only Christ could give. I was attracted to the devotion and commitment that I observed. I knew he was a leader, a man of action, and that is what drew me to him.
Perhaps I may sound a bit like a Marine wife in saying this, but women don't need wimpy men (I am not saying that you are). There are enough men these days in and out of the church who are afraid to speak with real conviction and afraid to lead in their homes and elsewhere. Become a man who loves and fears the Lord; a man who can stand strong in the midst of life's struggles unafraid to proclaim God's Word boldy and to humbly submit to it when he is in sin. The right kind of woman will be attracted to those things. Then all else will follow.
I was attracted to this passion that only Christ could give. I was attracted to the devotion and commitment that I observed. I knew he was a leader, a man of action, and that is what drew me to him.
Perhaps I may sound a bit like a Marine wife in saying this, but women don't need wimpy men (I am not saying that you are). There are enough men these days in and out of the church who are afraid to speak with real conviction and afraid to lead in their homes and elsewhere. Become a man who loves and fears the Lord; a man who can stand strong in the midst of life's struggles unafraid to proclaim God's Word boldy and to humbly submit to it when he is in sin. The right kind of woman will be attracted to those things. Then all else will follow.
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