Husband and wife attending different churches?

[Sovereign Grace]

What are y'all's thoughts on a husband and wife attending different churches? Is this biblical? I was talking to an ICU nurse a few nights ago and I know she attends a church, but I did not know what denomination. When I asked her she said she went to a CoG and her husband went with his dad to another church, and sadly, she didn't even know the name of the church.

So, what are y'all's thoughts?

 

[Polanus1561]

There is no good reason why it should be so. I don't think you know enough of this situation to uncover any possibly good reason too.

 

[Sovereign Grace]

There is no good reason why it should be so. I don't think you know enough of this situation to uncover any possibly good reason too.

I wasn't trying to uncover anything, I was just wanting to know the thoughts of others about this. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

[J.L. Allen]

I know it happens that couples go to different churches, but it makes me sad when that's the case. I know a man who attends an OPC, and his wife attends an Episcopal church. As far as a biblical basis in either direction, I don't think you really can make a case with "thus saith the Lord..." However, by good and necessary consequences, and by the light of nature, so to speak, it seems wrong that a husband and wife attend separate places. I suppose you could make the case, as with the couple I mention here, that it is better to insist upon going to a doctrinally sound church even if the other refuses. However, such a situation should be navigated slowly and gently, with such a result being undesirable even if the right action.

 

[itsreed]

Well, if they’re one flesh, the worship of the Lord being the supreme expression of that, such disunity is at least unwise. It may very well be expressing underlying sin issues.

(Aside from the deficiencies of CoG.)

 

[Shadow Forge]

The situation is very common especially in the U.S. . At times, the wife would submit and attend her husband's church, learning of his denomination, and then switch over. The issue I see nowadays is being stubborn as a mule. This is why we must study. If the wife was reformed and the husband is not, then it would be best that the husband switch as the reformed position is far more biblical and theologically sound.

 

[Presbaptist]

What are y'all's thoughts on a husband and wife attending different churches? Is this biblical? I was talking to an ICU nurse a few nights ago and I know she attends a church, but I did not know what denomination. When I asked her she said she went to a CoG and her husband went with his dad to another church, and sadly, she didn't even know the name of the church.

So, what are y'all's thoughts?

It's not ideal. But we live in a fallen world.

One significant problem with not attending the same church is with pastoral/church authority and accountability. If the husband and wife face marital problems, even to the point of discipline, it could get very messy if they hold membership in different churches or one holds membership and the other does not.

If at all possible, husband and wife should attend the same church, or, less ideal, alternate between churches and both be members of at least one of the churches (although for numerous reasons, membership in the same church may not be possible or probable).

All this is best case. There are numerous issues related to the specifics of the husband and wife.

 

[Pilgrim]

The situation is very common especially in the U.S. . At times, the wife would submit and attend her husband's church, learning of his denomination, and then switch over. The issue I see nowadays is being stubborn as a mule. This is why we must study. If the wife was reformed and the husband is not, then it would be best that the husband switch as the reformed position is far more biblical and theologically sound.

I would not say it is "very common," especially not today. It is much more common for one spouse not to go anywhere at all, at least not regularly.

This used to be more common (and maybe still is) where one spouse is a Catholic and the other a Protestant.

One of the few cases I can recall from a Reformed church was the case of a former RE whose wife stopped going to the church for some reason and went to a different church every week because if you went more than once, that's how they'd "get you." (Perhaps not coincidentally, a pastor once shared a Barna or Gallup type stat with me once about someone visiting a church 3 times being a signal that they are really interested.) This former RE was teaching Sunday School but had stepped down from the session. I think the issue with his wife may have been the main reason. From what I could tell he may have been the only member of the church at the time who would have been fully capable of teaching from a confessional viewpoint.

 

[GulfCoast Presbyterian]

Actually, it "is" very common in my little corner of the world, where there are tons of Roman Catholics. It is also regrettable. The RC tends to not attend the church of their protestant spouse, and goes to mass instead. Or, the RC spouse goes to the protestant service on occasion, does not "join" the protestant church, and attends "sinners mass" on Saturday night, etc.

 

[jwithnell]

We have a delightful fellow who was coming to faith as he started attending our church and has never looked back. His wife remains behind in the RC. I believe he has a tremendous witness to her extensive RC family as he has progressed in his faith with love and humility and as we've welcomed her during her rare visits.

In the OP, I'm thinking faith is not the center of her life if she views her husband's faith/church with indifference.

 

[Sovereign Grace]

We have a delightful fellow who was coming to faith as he started attending our church and has never looked back. His wife remains behind in the RC. I believe he has a tremendous witness to her extensive RC family as he has progressed in his faith with love and humility and as we've welcomed her during her rare visits.

In the OP, I'm thinking faith is not the center of her life if she views her husband's faith/church with indifference.

I don't think she views her husband's faith with indifference, but the CoG church she attends she grew up in. Traditions, sadly, are hard to break.

 

[joebonni63]

I don't think she views her husband's faith with indifference, but the CoG church she attends she grew up in. Traditions, sadly, are hard to break.

I think this is the same problem with the Roman Catholics that they are raised in that church so it's very hard to break away .........

 

[Susan777]

There were two couples in my former church where the wife converted to EO and her deacon husband followed her reluctantly. He was elderly and in the early stages of dementia. The other case was a wife following her husband into EO because he felt no affinity for our church or any other Protestant church. She was very grieved but believed it was her duty to support his decision.

 

[Pilgrim]

Actually, it "is" very common in my little corner of the world, where there are tons of Roman Catholics. It is also regrettable. The RC tends to not attend the church of their protestant spouse, and goes to mass instead. Or, the RC spouse goes to the protestant service on occasion, does not "join" the protestant church, and attends "sinners mass" on Saturday night, etc.

I used to see it more when I grew up in a mainline congregation where the idea of Catholics not automatically being considered Christians would have been horrific. (They didn’t really think that anybody needed to be converted.)

Now that I think about it, I remember a case in a Reformed church I used to belong to. I went there a year or more before I realized that the husband of the church secretary was a Catholic. He would regularly attend services with her. I’m not sure whether or not she also went with him. Years later I saw something on FB that suggested that she reverted to Rome but I’m not 100% sure. I could have misread something.

I’m not familiar with the term “sinners mass.” I know some people who are committed Catholics who attend on Saturday evening, which I understand is reckoned the same as Sunday attendance now.

 

[GulfCoast Presbyterian]

I’m not familiar with the term “sinners mass.” I know some people who are committed Catholics who attend on Saturday evening, which I understand is reckoned the same as Sunday attendance now.

"Sinner's Mass" is a very commonly used term, at least in these parts, by RCs for a RC who "goes to the early mass on Saturday night to punch the time clock for the week, then heads out to the bars after mass, and then sleeps in through traditional mass on Sunday morning." Or then goes to the Islands or fishing Sunday morning instead of going to mass, since they "covered it" Saturday evening.