Is this True Genuine faith?

[Aslan088]

Is this genuine saving faith?

I have been wrestling with a profound internal struggle regarding my faith in Christ, and I need an analytical, biblically grounded perspective. I have yet to find anyone whose experience fully mirrors mine, and I am uncertain whether what I have constitutes genuine saving faith or if I am simply deceiving myself.

While I fully believe in Christianity, my mind does not naturally align with it. The structure of Buddhism has always made far more sense to me. Buddhism offers a clear roadmap for spiritual progress with well-defined stages, a structured methodology for self-discipline, meditation, and introspection, a reliance on effort and mental training rather than an external source transforming the individual, and practical tools to measure one’s development through mindfulness, detachment, and wisdom. Christianity, in contrast, often feels vague, emotionally driven, and lacking in a structured method for measurable progress. The way Christians describe transformation as something that "just happens" through faith or the Holy Spirit does not align with how I process reality. I struggle with the idea of relying on an external source for change rather than actively working toward self-discipline and development.

I have autism, OCD, and schizotypal personality traits, which greatly impact how I interact with faith. Autism makes me extremely logical, structured, and detached from emotional expressions of faith. I process ideas in rigid, intellectual frameworks, and I struggle to engage with aspects of Christianity that are heavily emotional or relational. OCD, particularly religious scrupulosity, causes me to be deeply anxious about whether I am saved. My mind obsesses over whether I am “doing it right” and whether I am “getting Christianity wrong” in a way that damns me. Schizotypal traits cause me to experience hypervigilance, deep paranoia, and pattern-seeking thinking. I see patterns and significance in everything, often attributing “signs” to divine intervention or punishment. I struggle with mystical experiences that I sometimes recognize as irrational but that still have a deep impact on me.

Because of these traits, my faith is not naturally emotional or relational. It is highly intellectual. I do not feel an overwhelming love for Christ in the way that many describe. Instead, my faith is like my belief in gravity—I do not “want” Christianity to be true, but I accept that it is true. If someone asked me, “If Christianity were proven to be true, would you follow it?” my answer would be “Yes, but I wouldn’t want to.” That is not to say I am actively resisting it, but rather that my internal disposition does not naturally desire Christianity. If I had no fear of hell and no external constraints, I would follow Buddhism simply because its structure fits the way my mind works.

Yet, despite that, I still place my faith in Christ. Not because I feel drawn to Him in an emotional sense, but because I believe He is the truth, the foundation of all reality, and the only means of salvation. I fully accept His death and resurrection as the means by which I am saved, even if I do not experience the deep feelings of love and devotion that others seem to have.

Scripture often speaks of loving God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength and describes a personal, transformative relationship with Jesus. But what if someone believes in Jesus as Lord and Savior but does not feel a deep affection for Him? What if their faith is intellectual, based on truth, but lacks the emotional devotion that others describe? I fully submit to Christ. I acknowledge Him as the only way to salvation. I entrust my soul to Him, knowing that I have no other hope. But I do not feel an intense personal connection with Jesus. I do not experience the transformation that others describe. I do not feel naturally drawn to Christianity, only resigned to it. I do not feel a deep sense of affection for God, only a recognition of His authority.

Some argue that even demons believe and shudder, which makes me wonder how am I any different? If demons believe in Christ but remain in rebellion, how do I know my belief is not the same? My only answer is that I submit to Christ rather than reject Him, but is that enough?

Since my struggle is largely about structure and the lack of a clear spiritual roadmap in Christianity, I have considered adopting a more structured approach to my faith—not for salvation, but for deepening my devotion to Christ. Some aspects of Puritan disciplines offer structured daily prayer and meditation to create consistency in faith, self-discipline and moral development to make growth measurable, and a method for self-examination to help identify spiritual progress. Would it be wise for someone like me, who struggles with emotional engagement in faith, to take a more structured, discipline-based approach in order to deepen my relationship with Jesus?

I do not feel the emotions that most Christians describe, but I still believe in Christ. I do not find myself drawn to Christianity naturally, but I still place my hope in Jesus. I do not desire Christianity to be true, but I accept it as truth and submit to it.

So, my question is this: Does this constitute genuine saving faith? If I do not feel deep affection for Christ but still entrust my soul to Him, is that enough? If I do not see immediate transformation, does that mean my faith is false? If I struggle with feeling detached from God but still choose to trust in Him, does that mean I am truly in Christ?

I am searching for biblical, theologically sound answers. I do not want to rely on feelings or opinions—I want to know what Scripture and doctrine say about a faith like mine. If salvation is by grace through faith alone, and I have placed my faith in Christ even when my emotions do not follow, does that mean I am truly His? Or is my lack of love and connection a sign that I am outside of grace?

I would appreciate deep, analytical engagement with this, particularly from a Reformed or Puritan perspective. I need clarity on what it means to be saved when faith is based on submission to truth rather than emotional experience.

 

[John Nyberg]

My brother. Thank you for sharing this struggle. I am praying for you. I will leave your very deep and difficult questions to those wiser and older than I, but I want to share a few things in your post that were encouraging to me:

Yet, despite that, I still place my faith in Christ. Not because I feel drawn to Him in an emotional sense, but because I believe He is the truth, the foundation of all reality, and the only means of salvation. I fully accept His death and resurrection as the means by which I am saved, even if I do not experience the deep feelings of love and devotion that others seem to have.

This is incredible. Praise God for the truth that he has revealed to you. I also struggle with feeling emotionally drawn to Christ from time to time, though maybe not as acutely as yourself.

I fully submit to Christ. I acknowledge Him as the only way to salvation. I entrust my soul to Him, knowing that I have no other hope. But I do not feel an intense personal connection with Jesus

Again, this is an incredible expression of faith on your part.

I do not feel the emotions that most Christians describe, but I still believe in Christ. I do not find myself drawn to Christianity naturally, but I still place my hope in Jesus. I do not desire Christianity to be true, but I accept it as truth and submit to it.

It can be discouraging to compare oneself to other believers. I also feel inadequate when I look at saints much more sanctified than I am.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, brother. I will leave you with a word from the LBCF 18.3

This infallible assurance does not so belong to the essence of faith, but that a true believer may wait long, and struggle with many difficulties before he be partaker of it; yet being enabled by the Spirit to know the things which are freely given him of God, he may, without extraordinary revelation, in the right use of means, attain thereunto: and therefore it is the duty of every one to give all diligence to make his calling and election sure, that thereby his heart may be enlarged in peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, in love and thankfulness to God, and in strength and cheerfulness in the duties of obedience, the proper fruits of this assurance;—so far is it from inclining men to looseness.

 

[SolaScriptura]

Friend, Brother - I think it is very important for you to be able to distinguish and differentiate between that which is true, right, good, and proper (on the one hand) and that which comes natural or most easily to oneself (on the other hand). Being aware that the distinction exists will help anyone, especially someone who leans so heavily in favor of one of the domains of our existence (the cognitive).

When you articulate your understanding of (and experience with) Christianity by contrasting "overly emotional" with "intellectual", etc... I'm reminded that if I had to define "faith" with one word it would not be "belief"... it would be "trust." It is a concept that goes way beyond the intellectual OR the emotional... when I hear people describe "trust" in more or less ethereal or abstract ways it simply tells me they don't really know what it means to trust someone (or something). The word is imminently volitional. So: Do you trust God and what he says? And specifically do you trust Christ... Enough to receive and rest upon him for salvation?
So the question you should be asking yourself is not primarily how do you comprehend or experience Christianity... first answer the question: do you trust Christ with your life?

Anyway, where at in Texas are you? There's a number of us here and we might be able to point you in the right direction in terms of a local church.

 

[Jerusalem Blade]

Hello TheoWanderer @Aslan088 ,

Perhaps the following may amenable to your particular sensibility, as it seeks to go deep rather than broad (a brief paper I wrote for the churches I've labored in) :

God’s Presence Our Portion

I would like to demonstrate that our portion – that which is freely given us by God – is nothing less than His presence with us in our lives, day in and day out, during our sojourn here on the earth in this life. In the life to come, this will be so much more the case, in that we will see with our very eyes, and experience with all our being, the glory and rapture of His immediate presence, in a fulness we do not know in this life. In this life we know God’s presence by faith, that is, by believing in the truth – the reality – of His words. Alexander Nisbet, who wrote a commentary on 1st & 2nd Peter, said, “it [is] the nature of true faith to make the thing it closes with spiritually present to the soul.” In other words, faith experiences – in the soul of that person – the reality of what God has said, and the reality of God Himself.

Here, in our 21st century, we may walk with Him and be assured of His presence with us, so that He is our strength and our joy in the present moment, whatever life brings. Please note, this is not to say that we have a sensory experience of His presence, a necessarily felt experience of it, as in a sensation. Yet His presence is nonetheless a genuine experience. It is a truism that our walk – our relationship – with God is experiential, meaning it is real to us!

I suppose a lot depends on how one understands the term “experiential” with regard to the Christian’s life with God. Of course we will not have a “flat” affect – that is, no inward experience in and of it – and then again we will not be guided by sensations as a marker of the Christian life. Yet one may say, “A sense of God’s presence on the heart” – for the heart may sense apart from the physical or emotional senses. I hope this will be made clear as we continue.

I am fond of saying that – with regard to our faith – we have a profound assurance in the depths of our being that God’s words are the reality of our lives. Whatever we may feel, His words are true, and they are what is real. So when the Scripture quotes the Lord as saying, “I am with you always, even unto the end of the world” and “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Matthew 28:20; Hebrews 13:5), does this necessarily mean we have a “felt presence” of the Lord? No, although upon occasion we may be very aware of the glory of His Person, as He draws near to us. I remember R.C. Sproul, in one of his video series, talking about this unusual manifestation of the Lord’s presence, and that it does not happen often, rather, quite rarely, in his case.

But I am not talking of this sort of “visitation” Sproul speaks of when I say “a profound assurance in the depths of our being”. There are feelings in the heart – whether you call it one’s spirit, or one’s depths – that are not of the emotions. Perhaps one could call it an essential knowing. From His word, I know that the Lord is with me (Matt 28:20; Ps 23:4; Heb 13:5; Deut 31:8) and is kindly disposed toward me (Rom 8:35-39; Jer 31:3; Prov 15:8). Now this knowing is not a mere cerebral assent or activity, but a dynamic force in my heart, such that it causes me to rejoice and sing, or to venture into danger with calm courage; this knowing (perhaps you can come up with another word) is the apprehending of God’s reality (via His word) by and in my heart, and His word is full of power and glory – and many promises – and His word moves my heart, deeper than emotions, although it may give rise to emotions.

So when I talk of “profound assurance in the depths” it is of such I am referring to. This, to me, is an experiential walk with God. I am experiencing His presence, not sensations of it, but a profound knowing of it, such that by it I could face death, fear having been overcome by His presence – His presence known but not necessarily “felt” as in sensations. It is important we become familiar with this idea of inner awareness that is deeper than emotional feelings. As I mentioned above, this awareness may well give rise to emotions, but it is not the emotions. One’s emotions may feel fear (from some threat), yet one’s awareness – one’s deep inner knowing – that God is with one right now, replaces the fear with confidence, trust, and joy. Such as David felt when he said, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4).

This sort of communion with God is not the portion of “seasoned saints” only, but of all His children, even newly born-again ones. All that is needed is simple trust in His words, His promises. This is precisely what Peter meant when he said, “Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature” (1 Peter 1:4), partakers of the heart of God in Christ.

In the days I think are coming upon the church in the West – in the United Kingdom, Canada, America, the Western nations generally – times may not be so peaceful and prosperous as we once knew. And if that is the case we shall have great need of knowing our Lord intimately. Yes, this will mean having a clean conscience before Him, so we will have to live obedient and godly lives. And even if we are in peaceful and prosperous times, “normal” troubles, afflictions, persecutions, illness, relational discords, etc., all will send us to our dear God and Saviour for the comfort and strengthening of His presence. This sort of experiential life, walking with Christ on a daily basis, is a good life, and He is a good Saviour, King, and Friend. Here are some Scriptures to help:
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Psalm 16:11 KJV Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Psalm 140:13 KJV Surely the righteous shall give thanks unto thy name: the upright shall dwell in thy presence.

Matthew 28:20 KJV I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.

Hebrews 13:5 KJV I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Exodus 33:14 KJV My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest.

Isaiah 43:2-3 KJV When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour:

Joshua 1:9 KJV Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

Matthew 11:11 KJV Verily I say unto you, Among them that are born of women there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist: notwithstanding he that is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he. (Cf. Luke 7:28)

Psalm 23:4 KJV Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Proverbs 23:17 KJV Let not thine heart envy sinners: but be thou in the fear of the LORD all the day long.

Proverbs 28:14 KJV Happy is the man that feareth always (NKJV: is always reverent)

Psalm 95:2 KJV Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.

Psalm 100:2 KJV Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.

Psalm 139:7-10 KJV Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

Hebrews 9:24 KJV For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us

Hebrews 10:19-22 KJV Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh; And having an high priest over the house of God; Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.

Psalm 73:26 KJV My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

Deuteronomy 32:9 KJV For the LORD’s portion is his people; Jacob is the lot of his inheritance.

Hebrews 4:13 KJV Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.

Deuteronomy 31:8 KJV And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.

John 16:27 KJV For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.

John 17:23-26 KJV I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me. . . And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them.
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How Firm A Foundation

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home or abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

E’en down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.
_____________________________

Remember: It is in the devil’s interests to discourage us (take the heart out) in prayer. He will whisper, “You have not prayed persistently or fervently enough; you have such little heart in prayer – God will not hear you. Your prayer is worthless.” Of course the devil lies.

Indeed our words and cries to Father must be heartfelt (as John Bunyan said, “In prayer it is better to have a heart without words, than words without a heart”), but the degree of heartfeltness is not the devil’s to judge! For God delights in the prayer of the upright (Prov 15:8, 29), and such we be if we be in the Saviour, and His word assures us we are heard and received (1 Pet 3:12 KJV; Rom 8:38-39 KJV). He pities His children who anguish over their feebleness and yet cry to Him (Psalm 103:11-13 KJV). As Puritan Thomas Watson put it, “Prayer as it comes from the saint is weak and languid; but when the arrow of a saint’s prayer is put into the bow of Christ’s intercession it pierces the throne of grace.”

Let us never lose heart – we are loved despite all our failings and feebleness, and such love quickens and emboldens our hearts to cast our souls’ care upon Him all the more (1 Pet 5:7).

We should also remember that our prayers to Father do not come to Him naked, as it were, but – as with all the rest of our hearts and lives – in Christ, clothed in Him, so that our prayers are transformed in Him into part of His own efficacious High Priestly prayer, the indwelling Spirit of Christ helping us in our praying weakness (Rom 8:26-27 KJV) as we draw nigh to God (James 4:8 KJV). In other words, we are not naked selves as we pray, but clothed in the holy garment of our Saviour, His merit, and His efficacy. As the hymn, “Through the blood of Jesus,” puts it, “The only view God has of me is through the blood of Jesus”.

This gives our trembling hearts a new sense of awe as we lift our eyes unto our God. In whatever we do we are not alone (Heb 13:5), we who in His eyes are “holy and beloved” (Col 3:12 KJV). The warm heart of a loving Almighty Father greets and receives our prayers.

 

[Jerusalem Blade]

Hello TheoWanderer @Aslan088 ,

Does "God's Presence Our Portion" touch you in any way? I think an intimate knowing the Lord (according to my definition) is basic and foundational. Your focus on "structure and the [need] of a clear spiritual roadmap" in the Christian life is sound, but will differ according to the temperaments of individuals. I have the same concern personally, and have had to forge my own way, with – of course – consulting many other "paths".

Immediately after I was saved – all I knew was the Lord Himself – but was utterly ignorant of how to walk with Him and live the Christian life. I was a bad sheep, but He was a wonderful Shepherd, and kept me, despite my backslidings.

 

[alexanderjames]

You may find this helpful -

 

[Pomopu]

You may find this helpful -

This man is speaking with intenser emotion than I've heard in a month, which sort of grinds against his point. If faith was merely intellectual, lacking feeling, we wouldn't call it faith, correct? It would deserve a different name.

According to the Heidelberg Catechism, "True faith is not only a sure knowledge by which I hold as true all that God has revealed to us in Scripture; it is also a wholehearted trust. . ."

The video has this line, "I'm not going by feeling, I'm going by faith." But this is a false dichotomy. It is not either or, it is both and. "I am going by a feeling faith." Such as it is. Or, "A faith which feels," since how can one possess a faith that is just a sure knowledge? No. It is a wholehearted trust, too. The Heidelberg points to the heart, beyond the head. Confessionally, I'm bound to admit a degree of feeling is of the nature of a true saving faith. Is my hermeneutic wrong? Have I misinterpreted the catechism?

But to the OP, I reject the point one can believe anything without feeling anything for the belief. So, every single belief of a person contains some emotion, even if subtle. No one is a robot. Someone punches you in the arm, OP. They stab you in the thigh. Do you fail to blink, and fail to yell? To put the thought experiment more deeply, you lose a hand; a girlfriend; a parent. Do you fail to feel? But even, say, you come to the answer to a math problem. Do you register the answer as correct, with no more experience than observing a speck on the wall? Even a highly abstracted thing like solving a math problem, for the most autistic of people, has some small grain of feeling, some small grain of satisfying pleasure. So I reject the premise you can't feel for Christ, it is a lie to think you are dispositionally emotionless. And if you object at my assessment, you prove my point, unless you claim you are so void of feeling that you can even disagree robotically. No one is AI. So anyway, you do desire Christ. You do desire heaven. You are telling yourself a lie. Because the truth is naturally beautiful and desirable. For you to admit Christianity is superior to another religion, as you have, for you to admit a pervasive grip the idea of hell has on you, for you to admit a struggle of OCD scrupulosity, is to admit to a host of feelings. Perhaps small. Perhaps as small as a grain of sand. But there. For me to say, "The shirt I have on is made of cotton," is to have feeling. I feel a small grain of concurrent pleasure at expressing something that is true, not false. So the smallest point of logic, the most banal syllogism, is something humans feel, for we feel congruence with the truth, even if you do not feel it like, say, some orgasmic other feeling, such as eating a steak for the first time or something. And perhaps you will never ascend to the height of feeling. You are no German Romantic, perhaps. That's fine. God doesn't call for perfect faith. Small faith. Weak faith. Etc.

So anyway, consider your relationship with Christ. If it consists of prayer, consider your prayers. Likely, you are utilizing words of emotion. "God, I want. I feel. I desire. I hope. I regret," etc. This proves you feel something for this God. I have no doubt I'll see you in heaven, where you will have perfect feeling for all things in perfect proportion. Get off the internet, go for a walk, drink in some sun, and pray to God. You'll find assurance in the out-of-doors.

How long does it take to transform a rock into a metamorphic rock? So long, friend. So long. So don't despair at a not immediate transformation. Because it is a lie! We are slowly transformed in every experience we experience. My typing this sentence is subtly transforming me in ways I know not, only God knows---ten million neurons fired for me to type this sentence, my fingers moving in miraculous coordination, my eyes ensuring the correct language is displayed. And how much more you, who are in a deep wrestling match with assurance? That is itself an amazing transformation most human beings never get to. Most reprobate, you know, they don't have the privilege of struggling with assurance, they just walk into hell like a box on a conveyor belt.