Logical fallacies that parents commit

[LittleFaith]

Entomological fallacy - "There's a dead bug on the floor. I'll get to it soon. Surely they know not to pick it up and eat it."

Reductio ad absorbem - "This diaper is mostly dry. I'm sure it'll be fine for another hour."

Post hock ergo propter hock - "The baby already spit up three times this morning. It can't possibly spit up any more so I can let my guard down now."

Contributions welcome from those who know.

 

[CovenantPatriot87]

Entomological fallacy - "There's a dead bug on the floor. I'll get to it soon. Surely they know not to pick it up and eat it."

Reductio ad absorbem - "This diaper is mostly dry. I'm sure it'll be fine for another hour."

Post hock ergo propter hock - "The baby already spit up three times this morning. It can't possibly spit up any more so I can let my guard down now."

Contributions welcome from those who know.

These must be new parents

 

[Jack K]

Clearly, you've only made it to the toddler stage. Wait until you fall for the Empty Nest Deception - "Once my kids go off to college, my work as a parent will get easier."

 

[Solparvus]

Non Sequitur - Because the first child abandoned the toy, therefore they will have absolutely no interest when the sibling picks it up ten minutes later. They weren't "still playing with it."

 

[dsanch1120]

Clearly, you've only made it to the toddler stage. Wait until you fall for the Empty Nest Deception - "Once my kids go off to college, my work as a parent will get easier."

Wait… do you mean…. It won’t just be cruises and extravagances?

 

[greenbaggins]

Fallacy of the undistributed middle: "I won't get fat in various parts of my body if we do takeout on a regular basis because I don't have time to cook for the kids."

Fallacy of Irrelevants: "Surely the kids will not mess with a fire-ant colony!"

Fallacy of Ad Backulum: "If I let my kids ride on my back, there will be a time when they want me to stop."

Fallacy of Compostition: "The kids won't play in the compost heap, will they?"

Fallacy of the False Bikotomy: "The one kid won't be jealous if we get a bike for the other kid, will he?"

 

[MyCrows]

Law of non-contrasticktion - Surely our 10 year old son won't get stuck to both fly straps if we hang two up... I mean if he gets stuck in one, he'll know to leave them alone...

 

[ZackF]

Recency Bias - today went well for the child. Tomorrow will be the same.

Argument ad feminum- Daddy, you are not a girl.

 

[pgwolv]

I don't have children of my own, but...

Equivocation - Thinking that raising a child is as easy as any other job.

Slippery slope - See Reductio ad absorbem in Post #1

Circular reasoning - Believing that, as your child miraculously fit the square peg in the square hole, they will also know where the round peg goes.

Fallacy of many questions - Thinking getting them to talk is the hard part; quite the opposite!

Cherry picking - Getting them to use a tissue instead.

Argument from silence - Thinking that if the child is quiet, it's a good sign.

 

[Solparvus]

Ad finitum - Surely I've counteracted all their excuses by now!

 

[LittleFaith]

Ad huminem - "They're humming and cooing so nicely. Why mess with a good thing? No need to go in and check on them."

Red earring - "Sure, I'm wearing something sparkly/blingy/exorbitantly pricey, but as long as I keep them distracted they won't attempt to destroy it."

Quantum Interactions - The notion that a baby acting spontaneously and unobserved will exhibit the same behavior under observation, in the presence of onlookers and/or a video recording device.

Singing Frog - Similar to Quantum Interactions; the notion that once a charming behavior has been reported, the baby will gladly verify the report by repeating the action on command, proving the truthfulness of the parents.

 

[pgwolv]

Special pleading - When the teacher phones you about your child's behaviour, mistakenly thinking that your child is the exception to mankind's state of fallenness.

 

[ZackF]

The Sunk Cost-More Fallacy- "Daddy, since I am spending the $20 I saved on the toy, you pay for the rest."

Reversion to You're-Mean - Her: Daddy can I read for a while? Me: No, it's too late. We have a big day tomorrow. Her: I promise to get up on time. Me: Thank you. Her: Can, I read then? Me: No, you may not. Her: You're mean.

 

[LittleFaith]

Argument from silence - "If I lead by example in being a person of few words, my children will follow suit (as opposed to, say, taking this as an invitation to fill the extra silence with additional chatter)."

Argument from silence ("dads of many daughters" edition)
Step 1. See above statement.
Step 2. Multiply by a factor of several hundred.
Step 3. Seek ways to preserve one's own sanity.
Step 4. Deny that this is in any way based on personal experience.